Your Wonkette did something terrible this week, and it is time to get our Step Eight on, and make amends. In our post about the seven hottest conservative men to have judged the 20 hottest conservative women, we left out Steven Crowder. We did this because after googling him, we figured the picture that came up could not possibly have been of the conservative comedian, because he was young and handsomeish and not a sad monstrous goon!
So here, to make up for it, is a post just on Steven Crowder! Hiiii Steven! Hiiiii!
The first thing you will notice about Steven Crowder is he makes funny videos. This is because conservative people are the most hilarious people in the world*. Up top you will find a video about Batman talking about how much he pays in taxes. It is your typical boiler plate about how the top 1 percent pay so many taxes, and the bottom 50 percent pay 3 percent of the taxes. That is so sad and unfair, especially since the richest 400 people in the US earn more than the bottom 160 million of us. The Batman video also includes a really quick shot of a list of the biggest political donors, and UNION THUGS are on it (well, “rounding it out,” or “on the bottom”). How dare 5.5 million people banding together have as much political “speech” as Goldman Sachs? What is this, Communist Russia?
Anyway, we are done with this Batman video, because listening to him talk is making our earholes hurt. And for a video from a “comedian” it does not have so many “jokes.”
Here is one about Detroit, and Crowder “go[ing] ghetto.” What killed Detroit? Well, leftists obviously. But in the two minutes we could standing watching it, at least he didn’t blame it on black people, so that is something, we guess! Hooray for racial transcendence! (Debbie Schlussel herself apparently watched the whole thing, and simply did not care for it.)
There are lots more videos of Steven Crowder talking about guns and leftists and #Occupy and stuff, but that is pretty much all of our Saturday we are willing to give.
We are sorry we left you out of our Hottest Conservative Men to Judge the 20 Hottest Conservative Women list, Steven Crowder. Please consider this our sincere apology, and good luck on all your future Fox contributor endeavors!
*When people talk about how conservatives aren’t funny, they are invariably forgetting Larry Miller, who is fucking HILARIOUS. Remember Larry Miller in Best of Show? Maybe you should rent it again. No one should ever forget Larry Miller, you guys.