Wall Street Journal Has Proper Priorities For Hungry Americans

  lucky duckies

are there no workhouses?The Wall Street Journal is shaking its cane regarding Congress’s unseemly refusal to reform food stamps. Why are Democrats uniting to stop hero Senator Jeff Sessions’ teeny-tiny $20 billion snip to the program? After all, going on the dole used to be shameful, and now food stamps go to people even if they live in a house and perhaps own a car! Yes, all these rich vulgar Americans are soaking the Department of Agriculture by getting help eating food. It is a national outrage and the Wall Street Journal will not rest in its whining until this gross practice stops. But is there another, more important thing on which Americans should be focused, rather than on giving milk, eggs, and cheese to women with children? Or subsidizing the non-starving of military families, and Wal-Mart workers? In fact, there is. A scourge far more important than hunger! What is it, you are dying to know? It is office workers with Bad Grammar, because because.

When Caren Berg told colleagues at a recent staff meeting, “There’s new people you should meet,” her boss Don Silver broke in, says Ms. Berg, a senior vice president at a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., marketing and crisis-communications company.

[...]

Managers are fighting an epidemic of grammar gaffes in the workplace. Many of them attribute slipping skills to the informality of email, texting and Twitter where slang and shortcuts are common. Such looseness with language can create bad impressions with clients, ruin marketing materials and cause communications errors, many managers say.

Now this is a national shame we can get behind fixing! Just blue-skying here, thinking “outside the box” … maybe it would help companies if we invested more in education for their future workers?

Oh right, probably not.

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120 comments

  1. Crank_Tango

    Ah good, it's another excuse for more assholes to show off there smarts by criticizing other people's minor grammar mistake's.

    See what I did they're?

    1. BlueStateLibel

      It's "their smarts" not "there smarts" – off to the Wall Street Journal workhouse for you, son.

    2. sewollef

      Ok, ok, you comedians!

      I know you are all only jesting by messing with my language, but come on now…. let's use proper English. Like what my teachers taught me, back in England.

  2. edgydrifter

    Guilty as charged. Correcting minor errors in spelling and grammar may be petty, but I have a really hard time taking direction from someone making triple my salary who writes like my eight-year-old. Amercia, fuk yaeah.

      1. actor212

        An. The general rule is, if the pronounciation accents any syllable after the first, you use "an" (history, hysterical, heredity, habitual). If the accent is on the first syllable, it's "a" (hot, hear, how, hurt, hateful).

        1. gurukalehuru

          Oh, fuck to the no. It's not a grammar rule, it's a phonetic rule. Unless you are going to drop the aitch, which is only done in London and there only south of the Thames (and nobody takes that lot seriously as language arbiters), it should be a historical moment, a hereditary trait or a fucking hospital.
          Try saying it out loud. An hospital. It really sounds fake.

          1. SayItWithWookies

            The rule I've used is that if the first sound (not letter) is a vowel, use "an" — if it's a consonant, use "a" — that's why gurukalahuru's brit would say "an historic" because he wouldn't pronounce the h, but we say "a unicorn" even though unicorn starts with a vowel — because the initial sound is the consonant y, as yoonicorn.

          2. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Unless you're visting London, look the wrong way when crossing a street, and the tyre of a passing lorry puts you in an 'ospital.

      2. SorosBot

        Unless you're English, it should be a; "an historic" when you pronounce the h is very annoying, pretentious and wrong.

        1. scvirginia

          I agree- somewhat. I believe that it depends on whether you pronounce the 'h'. We have Americans as well as Brits who drop their aitches- think of people you've met who say "yooman" instead of "human" or "yoomerous" instead of "funny"… Back in 1989, Hurricane Hugo did some damage hereabouts, but hearing people say "Hurricane Yugo" really added salt to the wound, as if all that damage had been done by a cheap Eastern European car…

    1. Giveusabob

      Indeed, and also I can't help but feel an urging toward criminal violence upon each encounter with abused apostrophes. Which doesn't even begin to address my sentiments toward Oxford Commas, but this is a family website, so I'll refrain.

  3. flamingpdog

    Come on, folks! Blog posts are coming so fast and furious that AG Holder is getting his ass reamed good comments being posted by Wonketeers are only getting a couple of thumbs up! Are we trying to have as many blog posts as Duggar babies here or something???

    1. widestanceromance

      Are you trying to enforce a one-post-per-hour rule upon the commentariat? Just thinking that has destroyed more jobs than the Great Depression, you know.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      First it's a one-person-one-post policy, and next thing you know it's Communist China!

  4. Serolf_Divad

    Wilkinson, I'm fining you $25.00 fine for using the word "Democrat," when you know damned well that our corporate style and usage guide unambiguously prescribes "Communist" as the acceptable term!

  5. actor212

    Of course, this would have NOTHING to do with thirty years of Republican antagonism towards education….nope, not a goddamt thing.

    1. widestanceromance

      You don't need to know how to read/write to make bombs and sammiches, so what is it good for?

      1. sewollef

        Would that be bombs and sammiches at the same time, or in a linear fashion, kinda?

        And, another question. Are bombs and sammiches the same or similar to bread and circuses?

        One final thing. You missed the apostrophe from "sammiche's".

        I'm just sayin'.

        1. widestanceromance

          Sammich bombs (see also, McDonalds)

          Apostrophe/catastrophe. Let's call the whole thing off.

  6. flamingpdog

    And "Democratic" Senator Michael Bennett (D-Wall Street) of my own Square State joined with the RethugliKlans on this vote. Time to drop him from a slurry plane on the High Park fire.

    1. Jimmyone

      I was just talking to a friend on the fone, and he is saying the smoke is really bad in and around his area. Maybe we could invite the right honorable S. Tipton to join Bennett in this adventure. Science question…Which Shit Bird would bounce the highest? this is a non-partisan question.
      Weathers fine on the West Slope though, just as long as the irrigation water holds out.

      1. flamingpdog

        If our Guvnuh Dickinpooper gets his way and there's a fracking fluid waste pond at every county road intersection on the Western Slope, you won't have to worry about irrigation water. Or tap water.

        1. Jimmyone

          Already done. Most of the private land has been drilled and fucked. We are in a battle with the Forest Servic, BLM, and the Dept. of Interior over the next round of lease permits on public land. This has been kept hush hush to try to avoid the publicity. We have Bill Koch, yes that Bill Koch, trying to push DoI into a horrible land swap deal. Worthless land for a mountain containing an untold amount of "rare earth" ready to be mined. This story should be coming out soon, I hope. sorry I just have no snark for this. Hang in there pdog, come on over to the Slope for the Fourth of July extravaganza.We can offer clean(er) air, fracked water, and a doobie the size of yer dreams. http://youtu.be/iPVey71sNa4

  7. SorosBot

    $20 billion to prevent the poor from starving is a waste of money, but over $1 trillion to invade and conquer a country to stop them from using imaginary weapons of mass destruction is a bargain.

    1. widestanceromance

      Indeed. Think of all the jobs created by killing off a small percentage of the labor market, while simultaneously giving defense contractors plenty of griftable work.

  8. mavenmaven

    How well do the Chinese workers speak English? How much in food stamps do they require? Well, guess which wins.

  9. BlueStateLibel

    This is quite easily solved – our corporate overlords could just hire a few English majors to edit and proofread outgoing material. Oh, but that might actually COST MONEY, dear me, can't have that.

  10. bumfug

    "I don't care none if they all starve" is a completely unacceptable statement in the USA, it should be "I don't care at all if they starve".

  11. CrunchyKnee

    Education for future workers? Haha, all the education one needs is this – outsourcing jerbs to the lowest bidder country until it finally gets back to America where thousands of people will compete for shitty $5 an hour work with no benifits is a win-win for the 1%. They can then say they brought jerbs back to 'merica! And they can finally get back the slave labor that that commie mother fucker Abe Lincoln stole from them back in the day. USA #1!

  12. edgydrifter

    The "average" Mississippi factory peanut farm (always portrayed in congressional testimony and public television bumpers as a lone, weather-etched man in overalls on a fifty-year-old tractor at dawn) has received $3.3M per year for the past fifteen years in federal payments. How many of those fuckers have color TVs? Why is this not condemned as fraudulent waste?

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Because peanut farmers vote and (going out on a limb here) tend to vote (with the exception of at least one) republican?

    2. Chichikovovich

      And that's not even counting the indirect subsidy of people buying peanut butter with food stamps.

      Of course, by doing away with food stamps, they could just give that money directly to the farming companies, and they could toss the extra jars of peanut butter in the Mississippi. Efficiency!

    3. PuckStopsHere

      You scared me there, Edgydrifter. When I got to the words, "How many" I thought it was going to be a story problem. With math and shit.

  13. Generation[redacted]

    The WSJ wants everyone to go to a good school and learn proper grammar.

    What a snob.

  14. Billmatic

    When I was on unemployment I got $16 a month in food stamps.

    I think maybe they should look into maybe denying me instead.

  15. Eve8Apples

    ''As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.'' Pres. George W. Bush, Sept. 2007

    ''You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''
    President George W. Bush, Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

  16. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What the hell is the problem? Ethanol is edible last time I checked.
    But I will check again this afternoon, just to be sure.

  17. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Normal anti-Republican bias. You all are being so unfair. As I understand it, while they want to cut food stamps, the Republicans have offer the poor a bag of dicks to eat.

  18. sullivanst

    Doesn't the WSJ think it's the job of the private sector to educate people anyway? So, STFU, WSJ!

  19. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Workers smart enough to spell, but not smart enough to know you're screwing them? Wal-Mart knows, that's a tough balancing act.

  20. qwerty42

    But … but … isn't being cruel just because you can what Jeebus, the Founding Fathers, Herbert Hoover, Ronald Reagan and everyone who matters think?

  21. calliecallie

    At least it will help with he obesity crisis. Those poors are all eating too much anyway.

  22. SayItWithWookies

    It's the fault of these kids today, just pricing themselves out of the education market — who wants to spend twenty years giving someone an education when you can get a perfectly good Indian worker who already has an education for a lot cheaper? Really, American industry needs to get out from under the thumb of Big Student.

  23. widestanceromance

    Well, I'd say that was pretty high-handed for a paper that publishes stuff like, "I saw a Mexican."

  24. MissTaken

    I have to teach a business writing class because we have too many idiot Gen Yers who think that writing IDK and BRB in emails to clients is appropriate. Next time someone does that I will take away their lunch….that'll teach 'em!

  25. fawkedifiknow

    Maybe that new guy on the Ohio Department of Ed will fix this epidemic of incoherence. I'm sure he's got the right kind of credentials as far as the WSJ is concerned.

  26. lochnessmonster

    Ummm…wont those big companies who get farm subsidies make MORE money if the pooRs are given money to buy the foods they do produce?

  27. Callyson

    Managers are fighting an epidemic of grammar gaffes in the workplace.

    Fighting? I've worked for managers whose grammar was worse than atrocious…

  28. PubOption

    Why are you using a picture of Patrick Moore? His grammar is good, although he is a bit 'strange'.

  29. ElPinche

    Someone needs to hide Jeff "Krazy Klan Eyes" Sessions' little step stool. He can't do shit if he can't reach the mic.

  30. owhatever

    Dear Govermint. Another of our really big banks on Wall Street is failing. Plz send us another 42 billion $$ or it will be the end of civilization. Just take it from the poorz and the vagina owners, and I promise it won't never happen again. Tnx, Jamie (on the 10th hole at Pebble Beach). Sent from my Blueberry device ; 0

  31. Antispandex

    Back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Wall Street Journals, or electrical lights to do our reading by, and there was none of this WTF, and IMHO, neither. Another thing, if we wanted to eat, we did what everyone did. We shot something! Deer, opossum, the local shop keeper that wouldn 't give us his money. We was civilized in tose days! No handouts for us, no sir.

  32. TanzbodenKoenig

    Fuck foodstamps, I was laid off 5 weeks ago and haven't even gotten unemployment yet despite my former employers not protesting it. Guess I'll be paying next months rent in monopoly money and empty ramen cups

    1. DahBoner

      Based on my experience, the Unemployment offices are slow walking everything thesr days….

  33. GlowneyHouse

    WSJ advice– Perhaps the hungry investor should look into sandwich-heavy portfolios.

Comments are closed.