LUCKY DUCKIES  11:55 am June 22, 2012

Wall Street Journal Has Proper Priorities For Hungry Americans

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

are there no workhouses?The Wall Street Journal is shaking its cane regarding Congress’s unseemly refusal to reform food stamps. Why are Democrats uniting to stop hero Senator Jeff Sessions’ teeny-tiny $20 billion snip to the program? After all, going on the dole used to be shameful, and now food stamps go to people even if they live in a house and perhaps own a car! Yes, all these rich vulgar Americans are soaking the Department of Agriculture by getting help eating food. It is a national outrage and the Wall Street Journal will not rest in its whining until this gross practice stops. But is there another, more important thing on which Americans should be focused, rather than on giving milk, eggs, and cheese to women with children? Or subsidizing the non-starving of military families, and Wal-Mart workers? In fact, there is. A scourge far more important than hunger! What is it, you are dying to know? It is office workers with Bad Grammar, because because.

When Caren Berg told colleagues at a recent staff meeting, “There’s new people you should meet,” her boss Don Silver broke in, says Ms. Berg, a senior vice president at a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., marketing and crisis-communications company.

[...]

Managers are fighting an epidemic of grammar gaffes in the workplace. Many of them attribute slipping skills to the informality of email, texting and Twitter where slang and shortcuts are common. Such looseness with language can create bad impressions with clients, ruin marketing materials and cause communications errors, many managers say.

Now this is a national shame we can get behind fixing! Just blue-skying here, thinking “outside the box” … maybe it would help companies if we invested more in education for their future workers?

Oh right, probably not.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 120 comments }

nounverb911 June 22, 2012 at 11:58 am

"Let them eat Murdochs".
–WSJ

nounverb911 June 22, 2012 at 11:59 am

Needs more subsidies for farmers to not grow food.

Serolf_Divad June 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Con-Agra approves this message.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

And less expanding the market for the food they do grow, of course.

Designer_Radio June 22, 2012 at 9:19 pm

We could feed the poor, but then the cars would starve. You can see our predicament.

Crank_Tango June 22, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Ah good, it's another excuse for more assholes to show off there smarts by criticizing other people's minor grammar mistake's.

See what I did they're?

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Minor correction: I think its "its", not "it's"

Generation[redacted] June 22, 2012 at 12:14 pm

GAH! that makes me so angry I want to take away people's food stamps.

FlownOver June 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Its a shame you can't put the apostrophe in it's correct position.

Sorry… "its' correct position."

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

So my response should have been:

Minor correction: I think its' "its' ", not "it's' "

FlownOver June 22, 2012 at 12:48 pm

By George, hes' got it!

Chichikovovich June 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

I think itz " "itz" not "it's" " not " "its" not "it's" ".

BlueStateLibel June 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It's "their smarts" not "there smarts" – off to the Wall Street Journal workhouse for you, son.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

"smart's"

Serolf_Divad June 22, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Great… put him in a room with Jack "my thesaurus is bigger than thine" Abramoff and let the buttfuckery begin!

Billmatic June 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm

ERMAHGERD

GRAMERS

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Ews R 2 Kewl!

sewollef June 22, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Ok, ok, you comedians!

I know you are all only jesting by messing with my language, but come on now…. let's use proper English. Like what my teachers taught me, back in England.

MosesInvests June 22, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Your write, of coarse.

bobbert June 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Apparently, you needed to post a bigger sign.

nounverb911 June 22, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Ethanol farmers are corporations too, also.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Wait … I have it! Ethanol Stamps!!!!!!!!

edgydrifter June 22, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Guilty as charged. Correcting minor errors in spelling and grammar may be petty, but I have a really hard time taking direction from someone making triple my salary who writes like my eight-year-old. Amercia, fuk yaeah.

jodyleek June 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Question: Is it "an historic" or "a historic"? That one really bugs me.

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

An. The general rule is, if the pronounciation accents any syllable after the first, you use "an" (history, hysterical, heredity, habitual). If the accent is on the first syllable, it's "a" (hot, hear, how, hurt, hateful).

gurukalehuru June 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Oh, fuck to the no. It's not a grammar rule, it's a phonetic rule. Unless you are going to drop the aitch, which is only done in London and there only south of the Thames (and nobody takes that lot seriously as language arbiters), it should be a historical moment, a hereditary trait or a fucking hospital.
Try saying it out loud. An hospital. It really sounds fake.

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Yes, but HOSpital is how you pronounce it, meaning the accent is on the first syllable.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Unless you're visting London, look the wrong way when crossing a street, and the tyre of a passing lorry puts you in an 'ospital.

FlownOver June 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm

It's' pronounced "his-TOR-ee"? That must be why they asked me to change majors.

Boojum June 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

A history teacher teaching about an historic event.

jodyleek June 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Thank you. I hear "a historic" all the time and it makes my blood boil!

SorosBot June 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Unless you're English, it should be a; "an historic" when you pronounce the h is very annoying, pretentious and wrong.

scvirginia June 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I agree- somewhat. I believe that it depends on whether you pronounce the 'h'. We have Americans as well as Brits who drop their aitches- think of people you've met who say "yooman" instead of "human" or "yoomerous" instead of "funny"… Back in 1989, Hurricane Hugo did some damage hereabouts, but hearing people say "Hurricane Yugo" really added salt to the wound, as if all that damage had been done by a cheap Eastern European car…

Giveusabob June 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Indeed, and also I can't help but feel an urging toward criminal violence upon each encounter with abused apostrophes. Which doesn't even begin to address my sentiments toward Oxford Commas, but this is a family website, so I'll refrain.

ManchuCandidate June 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Say it ain't so WSJ.

flamingpdog June 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Come on, folks! Blog posts are coming so fast and furious that AG Holder is getting his ass reamed good comments being posted by Wonketeers are only getting a couple of thumbs up! Are we trying to have as many blog posts as Duggar babies here or something???

MumbletyRadio June 22, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Really! I'm still only halfway through Kris's litany-o'-links on his (her?) Ron Paul post from yesterday, sheesh.
#sucksbeingaslowreader

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Are you trying to enforce a one-post-per-hour rule upon the commentariat? Just thinking that has destroyed more jobs than the Great Depression, you know.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

First it's a one-person-one-post policy, and next thing you know it's Communist China!

Fred_Wertham_Jr June 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Wonket is eating away at our p-ness! This shall not stand. I'm just not up for that. Etc.

PuckStopsHere June 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm

reed phaster

Fairtackle June 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”

extreme_left June 22, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I lerned real good. I ready for sweet Macdonalds job.

Serolf_Divad June 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Wilkinson, I'm fining you $25.00 fine for using the word "Democrat," when you know damned well that our corporate style and usage guide unambiguously prescribes "Communist" as the acceptable term!

bikerlaureate June 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Is "Soshulist" revenue-neutral?

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Of course, this would have NOTHING to do with thirty years of Republican antagonism towards education….nope, not a goddamt thing.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

You don't need to know how to read/write to make bombs and sammiches, so what is it good for?

sewollef June 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Would that be bombs and sammiches at the same time, or in a linear fashion, kinda?

And, another question. Are bombs and sammiches the same or similar to bread and circuses?

One final thing. You missed the apostrophe from "sammiche's".

I'm just sayin'.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Sammich bombs (see also, McDonalds)

Apostrophe/catastrophe. Let's call the whole thing off.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Positive feedback, FTW.

flamingpdog June 22, 2012 at 12:07 pm

And "Democratic" Senator Michael Bennett (D-Wall Street) of my own Square State joined with the RethugliKlans on this vote. Time to drop him from a slurry plane on the High Park fire.

Jimmyone June 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I was just talking to a friend on the fone, and he is saying the smoke is really bad in and around his area. Maybe we could invite the right honorable S. Tipton to join Bennett in this adventure. Science question…Which Shit Bird would bounce the highest? this is a non-partisan question.
Weathers fine on the West Slope though, just as long as the irrigation water holds out.

flamingpdog June 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

If our Guvnuh Dickinpooper gets his way and there's a fracking fluid waste pond at every county road intersection on the Western Slope, you won't have to worry about irrigation water. Or tap water.

Jimmyone June 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Already done. Most of the private land has been drilled and fucked. We are in a battle with the Forest Servic, BLM, and the Dept. of Interior over the next round of lease permits on public land. This has been kept hush hush to try to avoid the publicity. We have Bill Koch, yes that Bill Koch, trying to push DoI into a horrible land swap deal. Worthless land for a mountain containing an untold amount of "rare earth" ready to be mined. This story should be coming out soon, I hope. sorry I just have no snark for this. Hang in there pdog, come on over to the Slope for the Fourth of July extravaganza.We can offer clean(er) air, fracked water, and a doobie the size of yer dreams. http://youtu.be/iPVey71sNa4

SorosBot June 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

$20 billion to prevent the poor from starving is a waste of money, but over $1 trillion to invade and conquer a country to stop them from using imaginary weapons of mass destruction is a bargain.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Indeed. Think of all the jobs created by killing off a small percentage of the labor market, while simultaneously giving defense contractors plenty of griftable work.

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

But it was over in six months, right Thomas Friedman?

Come here a minute June 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Fortunately the free market will fix any and all of these problems.

SexySmurf June 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I blame LOLcat.

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I can haz a thum up for u

mavenmaven June 22, 2012 at 12:14 pm

How well do the Chinese workers speak English? How much in food stamps do they require? Well, guess which wins.

BlueStateLibel June 22, 2012 at 12:14 pm

This is quite easily solved – our corporate overlords could just hire a few English majors to edit and proofread outgoing material. Oh, but that might actually COST MONEY, dear me, can't have that.

Guppy June 22, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Employers get the grammar they pay for. FREE MARKETS!

bumfug June 22, 2012 at 12:16 pm

"I don't care none if they all starve" is a completely unacceptable statement in the USA, it should be "I don't care at all if they starve".

CrunchyKnee June 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Education for future workers? Haha, all the education one needs is this – outsourcing jerbs to the lowest bidder country until it finally gets back to America where thousands of people will compete for shitty $5 an hour work with no benifits is a win-win for the 1%. They can then say they brought jerbs back to 'merica! And they can finally get back the slave labor that that commie mother fucker Abe Lincoln stole from them back in the day. USA #1!

FlownOver June 22, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"slave vampire labor that that commie mother fucker Abe Lincoln stole killed.

FIFY

edgydrifter June 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm

The "average" Mississippi factory peanut farm (always portrayed in congressional testimony and public television bumpers as a lone, weather-etched man in overalls on a fifty-year-old tractor at dawn) has received $3.3M per year for the past fifteen years in federal payments. How many of those fuckers have color TVs? Why is this not condemned as fraudulent waste?

Dashboard Buddha June 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Because peanut farmers vote and (going out on a limb here) tend to vote (with the exception of at least one) republican?

Blueb4sunrise June 22, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Lemme guess: the blah peanut farmers, not so much?

Chichikovovich June 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And that's not even counting the indirect subsidy of people buying peanut butter with food stamps.

Of course, by doing away with food stamps, they could just give that money directly to the farming companies, and they could toss the extra jars of peanut butter in the Mississippi. Efficiency!

PuckStopsHere June 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

You scared me there, Edgydrifter. When I got to the words, "How many" I thought it was going to be a story problem. With math and shit.

Generation[redacted] June 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

The WSJ wants everyone to go to a good school and learn proper grammar.

What a snob.

Indiepalin June 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I'm looking for a woman who knows how to think inside a box.

Boojum June 22, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Cardboard or poontang?

calliecallie June 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Va-gi-na!

James Michael Curley June 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Schrödinger's woman?

Billmatic June 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

When I was on unemployment I got $16 a month in food stamps.

I think maybe they should look into maybe denying me instead.

Eve8Apples June 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm

''As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.'' Pres. George W. Bush, Sept. 2007

''You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''
President George W. Bush, Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

What the hell is the problem? Ethanol is edible last time I checked.
But I will check again this afternoon, just to be sure.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Currently at the 5 point doing research. Mmmmmmmm, breakfast.

chascates June 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Food stamps have now become another middle class entitlement, like affordable college.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Normal anti-Republican bias. You all are being so unfair. As I understand it, while they want to cut food stamps, the Republicans have offer the poor a bag of dicks to eat.

Veritas78 June 22, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Salted? If so, lightly? Poisoned, or un? Not that we're picky.

gullywompr June 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm

You go to war on the poors with the grammar you want, not the grammar you have.

johnnyzhivago June 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Let them eat their badly constructed sentences.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Doesn't the WSJ think it's the job of the private sector to educate people anyway? So, STFU, WSJ!

gurukalehuru June 22, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Can't have it both ways, WSJ. You can have good grammar, or you can have baggers, but you can't have both.

Oblios_Cap June 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Or if you're Willard McMoromon Romney, you can have poor spellers.

Chet Kincaid June 22, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Rarely is the question asked: Is our indentured serving?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Workers smart enough to spell, but not smart enough to know you're screwing them? Wal-Mart knows, that's a tough balancing act.

qwerty42 June 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

But … but … isn't being cruel just because you can what Jeebus, the Founding Fathers, Herbert Hoover, Ronald Reagan and everyone who matters think?

DerrickWildcat June 22, 2012 at 12:33 pm

This is very surprising to me.

ttommyunger June 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

This, from Elmer Fudd sound-alike Jeff "Fuckwad" Sessions.

FlownOver June 22, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"Be vewwy, vewwy quiet – I'm hunting n****rs."

ttommyunger June 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm

…and he prolly eats them BEFORE he shoots them.Sent from my iPhone

calliecallie June 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

At least it will help with he obesity crisis. Those poors are all eating too much anyway.

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

It's the fault of these kids today, just pricing themselves out of the education market — who wants to spend twenty years giving someone an education when you can get a perfectly good Indian worker who already has an education for a lot cheaper? Really, American industry needs to get out from under the thumb of Big Student.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Well, I'd say that was pretty high-handed for a paper that publishes stuff like, "I saw a Mexican."

MissTaken June 22, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I have to teach a business writing class because we have too many idiot Gen Yers who think that writing IDK and BRB in emails to clients is appropriate. Next time someone does that I will take away their lunch….that'll teach 'em!

PuckStopsHere June 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I believe you meant to say, "that'll learn 'em!" You're welcome.

fawkedifiknow June 22, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Maybe that new guy on the Ohio Department of Ed will fix this epidemic of incoherence. I'm sure he's got the right kind of credentials as far as the WSJ is concerned.

Tribbz June 22, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Here I sit, cheeks a flexin', giving birth to another lexicon.

lochnessmonster June 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Ummm…wont those big companies who get farm subsidies make MORE money if the pooRs are given money to buy the foods they do produce?

Callyson June 22, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Managers are fighting an epidemic of grammar gaffes in the workplace.

Fighting? I've worked for managers whose grammar was worse than atrocious…

PubOption June 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Why are you using a picture of Patrick Moore? His grammar is good, although he is a bit 'strange'.

ElPinche June 22, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Someone needs to hide Jeff "Krazy Klan Eyes" Sessions' little step stool. He can't do shit if he can't reach the mic.

owhatever June 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Dear Govermint. Another of our really big banks on Wall Street is failing. Plz send us another 42 billion $$ or it will be the end of civilization. Just take it from the poorz and the vagina owners, and I promise it won't never happen again. Tnx, Jamie (on the 10th hole at Pebble Beach). Sent from my Blueberry device ; 0

Antispandex June 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Wall Street Journals, or electrical lights to do our reading by, and there was none of this WTF, and IMHO, neither. Another thing, if we wanted to eat, we did what everyone did. We shot something! Deer, opossum, the local shop keeper that wouldn 't give us his money. We was civilized in tose days! No handouts for us, no sir.

larrykat June 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Nike: Just Does It.

TanzbodenKoenig June 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Fuck foodstamps, I was laid off 5 weeks ago and haven't even gotten unemployment yet despite my former employers not protesting it. Guess I'll be paying next months rent in monopoly money and empty ramen cups

DahBoner June 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Based on my experience, the Unemployment offices are slow walking everything thesr days….

Comrade Wingtardd June 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

What does Chuck Grassley think of this?

DahBoner June 22, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Hungry people don't need food.

THINK OUTSIDE YOUR CARDBOARD BOX, HOBOS!

extreme_left June 22, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Problem with educated people is that they get all uppity.

GlowneyHouse June 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

WSJ advice– Perhaps the hungry investor should look into sandwich-heavy portfolios.

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

The rule I've used is that if the first sound (not letter) is a vowel, use "an" — if it's a consonant, use "a" — that's why gurukalahuru's brit would say "an historic" because he wouldn't pronounce the h, but we say "a unicorn" even though unicorn starts with a vowel — because the initial sound is the consonant y, as yoonicorn.

GunToting[Redacted] June 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm

So it's "hisTORy," not "HIStory?" This is new to me.

bobbert June 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Well, for that matter, I pronounce it HIstory. Duz it to you?

MosesInvests June 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

…look the wrong way when crossing a carriageway….. FIFY

bobbert June 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

But it would just put you "in 'ospital".

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