RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  1:05 pm June 22, 2012

Everybody Is Going Out To McDonald’s Except Mitt Romney

by Sulagna Misra

Mmm photoshop!Happy Friday, everyone! Isn’t it great when we as Americans are friends with gay people and immigrants and Saudi Arabia? We should throw a party and all hang out together! But shhh don’t invite Mitt. He’s too busy giving speeches in Michigan. Also, he’s lame.
  • Obama’s big announcements about gay marriage and immigration continually make Mitt Romney look bad. Hmm, is that because the Republican stance on social issues is incredibly narrow-minded and based on the idea that if it is someone’s “preference” to deny civil rights or denigrate immigrants who came here as children? No, it must be Obama’s charm and celebrity supporters. [Slate]
  • Do you feel safe knowing that the US and Saudi Arabia are friends? Muslims around the world certainly don’t. They’re all like, “Uh guys? They don’t let the women do anything fun, like drive or play sports or vote.” But it’s okay, because oil. [Salon]
  • What do you think of Elizabeth Warren as a possible successor to President Obama? The Democrats seem excited about her, although we know how nitpicky they can be. [The Atlantic]
  • Finally, in an almost literal “this is how we make the sausage” move, McDonald’s releases a video showing why a Quarter Pounder doesn’t look like it does in the ads. It’s really weird, because they use palette knives and special grills and Photoshop, but they’re like “we HAVE to do this because of the box and how pictures are 2-D and sometimes the bun has holes and that isn’t pretty,” but…but they’re using Photoshop! On food! Well, the best thing about this video is the marketing woman’s Canadian accent. [NPR]
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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chascates June 22, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Breitbart is still dead.
Mubarak is still undead.
Romney is still a robot.

MissTaken June 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Oh no! Hosni Zombie!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Yet Dick Cheney still walks the earth.

And Reagan's corpse still rules them all.

Nostrildamus June 22, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Bristol is still …?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Mindless, drunk and horny?

Bonzos_Bed_Time June 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Is this the "pick any two" game?

glamourdammerung June 22, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Creepy stalker from Big Failure is still creepy…and stalking.

ChernobylSoup June 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Sulagna: I see you went to Slate again today. Are they being counter-counter-intuitively moronic today or counter-intuitively moronically counter-intuitive? (Except Dahlia Lithwick, who we love.)

MumbletyRadio June 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Romney does have plans to dine at any number of the nation's #1 fast food establishment; he just has to finish buying them up first.


Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm

And then bankrupting them, firing all the employees, and replacing the food with prepackage protein based substances made in India.

Jus_Wonderin June 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

FotoShop by Adobe'. If you haven't seen this look it up on YouTube. Hilarious!!!

MissTaken June 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm

sometimes the bun has holes and that isn’t pretty

TP for my bun hole!

Indiepalin June 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Are you threatening me?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

How can thinking about MissTaken's buns be threatening?

noodlesalad June 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Oil – making what is wrong, right, since 1859.

Fairtackle June 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Elizabeth Warren? The Old Testament Christians will not be pleased.

PuckStopsHere June 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Can't get two pies for a buck anymore at MacDonald's. Think Mitt shares my outrage?

ChernobylSoup June 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm

This is necessary:

TeaNuts June 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Good thing Playboy doesn't use Photoshop! I might lose faith in all photos.

DocChaos June 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Amazingly there is no difference between the taste of an actual Quarter Pounder and licking the screen when one appears on television.

RedneckMuslin June 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Elizabeth will be Senator of Taxachusetts which then Grover will attack and prevent her from becoming the Prez. And she's a dame, also, too.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Probably was born in Kenya anyway.

ChernobylSoup June 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I'm all about Warren 2016. Unless she loses to Scott Brown this fall, which will indicate that America is not ready to elect a Native American as commander in chief.

Antispandex June 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Won't Ms. Warren have to elbow Hills out of the way next election cycle? Oooo… CAT FIGHT! Ok, what could possibly go wrong there? I say we get a little plastic pool, a whole lot of Jello….

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

So they take the quarter pounder from the store, then replace the meat, replace the pickles, onions, cheese and ketchup, and then fake the rest so it doesn't look like a sliver of gray gristly filler under a slouching bun. Also, you can't smell it and you're not in a McDonalds, which is where the real improvement happens.

fartknocker June 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

McDonalds, home of the burger flavored anus meat on a bun.

Callyson June 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm

From the Slate article:

Taking the wrong lesson from John McCain’s reckless choice of Sarah Palin, Romney is by various accounts looking to a boring Midwestern white man such as former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty or Ohio Sen. Rob Portman to be his running mate. These choices would generate minimal excitement for a campaign that badly needs some.

Well, Fred Karger is a white man, and his beach ads would perk up some interest, among other things…

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Freddy Krueger is also a white man, and would seem to fit the Dick Cheney mold of VP, except he isn't quite as psychotic.

PuckStopsHere June 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Skoalrebel or GTFO

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Finally, in an almost literal “this is how we make the sausage” move, McDonald’s releases a video showing why a Quarter Pounder doesn’t look like it does in the ads.

Strangely, HBO is working on a similar film about Mitt Romney.

MumbletyRadio June 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Doctored photographs of food, FFS. I remember Harper's doing a story on this back in early '90s. The mug of coffee in the photo was revealed to contain molasses, so it wouldn't "slosh" nor develop oil-residue "film" over the duration of the shoot.
Yet people are still asking, "WHY ME BURGER NO LOOK LIKE UR PIX?!?!"
Please tell me McDonalds is making that part up, where folks are genuinely confused by this 'discrepancy'/ flawed perception? while I go cancel a couple of journal/ quarterly subscriptions, at least until the scar tissue from endless cognitive dissonance finishes forming.

Guppy June 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Oh, McDonald's customers don't just complain about it, they call 911 to complain about it.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 2:26 pm

May not be the same article, but there was a great one on photgraphing a hot fudge sundae (for Friendly's, I think.) Fake ice cream, fake whipped cream, fake fudge … they did a job that Madame Tussaud's would envy, creating a "sundae" that could sit under hot lights for hours.

BerkeleyBear June 22, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Hell, when I was a kid there was a local store that specialized in fake food, both for restaurant displays and TV/movies. It was super realistic as long as no one had to try and eat it.

Then again, I grew up in Southern California, with just enough exposure to the media industry to be severely disillusioned at a young age.

bobbert June 23, 2012 at 12:55 am

Fake food is a major form of advertising in Japan. The thing is, what you get usually resembles the replica pretty closely.

edgydrifter June 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I'm guessing the last time Mitt went to a McDonalds was 1977, and he only did it so he could hurl his shake through the drive-through window, yell "FAGGOT!!!" and roar off in his convertible laughing like a hyena.

Guppy June 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Has Elizabeth Warren voted to bomb brown people? Has she voted to eavesdrop on everyone? No? Then she's not qualified to be a Democratic presidential candidate.

Are the Greens looking?

viennawoods13 June 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Accent? What accent?

Chichikovovich June 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Of course she has an accent. It jumped out at me as soon as she opened her mouth. Obviously not Maritimes or anglophone Quebecer. Not western to my ear either. I'm thinking Eastern Ontario – Brockville or Kingston, but not too close to Québec. Maybe London – Sarnia. Doesn't have the pasteurized feel of Toronto or Ottawa, doesn't have the soft, French-influenced roundness of the vowels you get in the Ottawa valley or Northeastern Ontario. Really, if she showed up in the Timmins – Hearst region of my youth she'd stand out like a fire hydrant.

But what's with calling it a "Canadian" accent? What's that?

viennawoods13 June 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Well, maybe London. I live 50 mins from there so wouldn't notice that as different. Funny- I was at the big bagpipe thing in Fergus a few years back, and a woman with a delicious southern accent told me that she just loved my cute accent and could listen to it all day.

But yeah- Canadian accent? As if.

MosesInvests June 22, 2012 at 3:30 pm

What 'ump?

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

The burgers look different for the same reason there is no calf petting zoo in the kids' play area and no dining area films about the ravaged rainforest cum "pasture" it came from.

The more you know. . .

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 2:27 pm

… the less you'll eat.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Eat it, schmeat it, just keep buying it.

bobbert June 23, 2012 at 1:05 am

There's a steakhouse chain in California (and perhaps elsewhere) called "Cattlemen's". When I got out of the AF, I lived quite close to one in Petaluma for a few months, so I went there a number of times.

An interesting feature of their decor was that there were mid-sized (8 x 10, 18 x 24, like that) photos of cattle all over the walls, and on the endcaps of booths. Some individual shots, some small groups. They were like family snapshots.

I was 25 at the time, so it didn't bother me much. But I did wonder what effect it had on the little kids — it was a popular family place. Also, I quickly learned that it wasn't a great place for a date.

mavenmaven June 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

In other words, charm, integrity, and fun are overrated, and everything is photoshop's fault.

vulpes82 June 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Wait, a post on McDonald's without mention of "anus burgers" and how fat America is? Truly, the Layne Era is dead and gone.

Guppy June 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm

It's McDonald's Canada. I'm sure their "Hectogramme avec Fromage" is made entirely from whole, organic, locally-grown ingredients.

sezme June 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Actually, we make them from beavers and seals after removing the pelts. Thanks for asking!
-Hope Bagozzi, McDonalds Canada

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 2:29 pm

You're not letting all those washed-ashore polar bear carcasses go to waste, are you?

sezme June 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

It is somewhat comforting (?) to know that McDonalds' head office is willing to agree on camera that their actual food looks like shit. But I guess if you just picture the advertisement while you wolf down the real thing you're stuck with, the process of eating it becomes tolerable.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the popularity of porn among married people.

Chichikovovich June 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

What's with this "Quarter Pounder" stuff? Shouldn't it be a "Royale"?

Chet Kincaid June 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Deval Patrick doesn't even figure in The Atlantic's chatterings about possible 2016 candidates? Why is that? His credentials now are much better than Obama's in 2004. (I'm just waiting for some insider/pundit to say "we can't run another black guy!!", even though a minority candidate seems to be the only way Democrats can cobble together enough votes to out-poll the Republicans' white meathead voters.)

bobbert June 23, 2012 at 1:11 am

My initial impression of Patrick was that he was kind of a ding-dong. Now that you mention him, I realize that I really haven't heard much about him for a couple years, which may well mean that he's been doing the Governor thing without generating a lot of waste heat.

Don't tell me — I can look it up for myself. This is just "thanks for the pointer".

rickmaci June 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm

In the strange parallel world of television advertising the two products, Mitt Romoney and a greasy over cooked manufactured meat product have one thing in common. They bear absolutely no resemblance to reality.

bobbert June 23, 2012 at 1:12 am

But a surprising degree of resemblance to each other.

randcoolcatdaddy June 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Prediction: Just before the election, Obama will announce that he is in favor of puppies and kittens, forcing the Republicans to tear the threads of space and time as they fold into themselves, trapping them in the hole they made for themselves.

Or, Obama convinces Mittbot that it has violated its own prime directive and it self destructs.

MosesInvests June 22, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Illogical-illogical! Moroni, correlate!

WABishop June 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Not wearing a seat belt for the drive to the studio? Doubtful she's a Canadian.

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Democrats can be nit-picky? Dyuh! I know dems who didn't vote for Al Gore just because Tipper wanted to put warning labels on album covers. Talk about voting against your own interests. Libs wrote the book on self-destruction.

Nice to see the right finally catching up.

ttommyunger June 23, 2012 at 8:05 am

Fun Facts: Fox News is the most popular "News" Channel in America and McDonalds is the most popular eatery…..We are doomed.

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