GOOD CHRISTIAN DOCTORS  11:20 am June 22, 2012

American Birth Control Mandate To Lead To Communist Chinese One-Child Policy! Everybody Panic!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Put one in your belly today!Hey ladies! How’s your womb? Is it fruitful? No? What about now? Is it fruitful yet? Well are you even TRYING? It is your job to fill your stomach with tiny babies, a Quiver full of babies even, and if you do not want, say, 19 babies, then you are a heathen Communist Chinee. That is just so obvious we should not even have to say it, but apparently you are a Dumb Girl.

Luckily, the Christian Medical Association is here to explain that an insurance company offering you birth control even if your employer doesn’t want you to have birth control is not only abrogating your employer’s First Amendment right to determine your sex life (you are a factory worker in Macau, right?) but is also the first step on the road to China’s one-child policy and forced abortion. It is simply that simple.

So, dude from the Christian Medical Association, does birth control undermine a foundational “tenant” of our society?

“[It is] undermining a foundational tenant of our society — First Amendment rights, undermining years and many laws that have protected our conscious rights and [promoting] the whole attitude that somehow pregnancy is something to be systematically abandoned or avoided,” he says. “All those reasons are reasons to want to overturn this mandate that’s coming out from Health and Human Services.”

He notes China’s one-child policy — a policy he says reflects the philosophy that additional children are not good.

“I fear that we are adopting some of that same philosophy in our country where we’re saying that the government can decide it’s a favorable policy to decide that children are a liability to our culture; therefore, we’re going to have policies and procedures to help avoid that,” he remarks.

That is true: helping people do a thing they want to do is exactly the same thing as forcing other people who don’t want to do that thing to do it. Q.E.Duh!

The CMA spokesman says he can understand individuals making decisions regarding how many children to have and when, but argues that is not the government’s decision.

Right, it is the decision of all the Christian doctors, how many children you will have and when, or if not the doctors then your rural county’s lone pharmacist (yay conscience clauses!) who will decide that you cannot have your slut pills because the government is taking away our freedom.

If anything, it just makes too much sense! [OneNewsNow]

 
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{ 139 comments }

nounverb911 June 22, 2012 at 11:23 am

This is good news for the Duggar family.

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 11:30 am

Say, I haven't heard about them since the Santorum fell out. They pop another babby or five out?

MumbletyRadio June 22, 2012 at 11:34 am

another babby or five…?

All ovum, Katie.

MOG2410 June 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

FYI, that's their favorite Bible verse.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

No it isn't. Their entire schtick is having a ton of kids. If everybody has a ton of kids, they'll have to get real jobs. Heaven forbid!

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 11:23 am

See, this is why I think "pro-choice" should be amended to "pro-family autonomy" or whatever catchphrase we can think up.

My family and I ought to be able to make our own decisions about when and how many babbies to have, and not rely on the gubmint OR the Christians.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 22, 2012 at 11:47 am

Think of it as the pro-rape baby position.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 22, 2012 at 11:56 am

…because they're all gifts from God.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 11:55 am

"Pro-freedom"

qwerty42 June 22, 2012 at 11:25 am

Freedom is only freedom if I can force you to do things the way I want. Otherwise, it is oppression. And tyranny. And soshuliszm.

nounverb911 June 22, 2012 at 11:25 am

"Christian Medical Association*"

*Applies to white babies only.

kissawookiee June 22, 2012 at 11:25 am

Here in Arizona, every lady's womb is officially fruitful, even when it's not, so I think we're okay in that regard.

Lucidamente1 June 22, 2012 at 11:25 am

What about boner pills?

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 11:37 am

That's waging a war on men and cannot be tolerated in a free society.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 11:54 am

I presume by "that", you mean the question, not the boner pills.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Correct. Also.

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Don't be silly; those are a sacrament.

viennawoods13 June 22, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Boner pills are a gift from God, are they not?

MOG2410 June 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Free to all white guys, and don't you forget it.

Tundra Grifter June 22, 2012 at 11:26 am

I'm sure American health insurance companies, being universally eleemosynary, have never calculated the profits derived from providing birh control instead of paying the costs of hospital baby delivery.

ChernobylSoup June 22, 2012 at 11:40 am

Maternity care in Nevada will set you back two chickens (and a loaf of zucchini bread if it's a preemie).

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Only if they have entire rooms full of people who do nothing but calculate the costs of things… oh, wait, they do.

Gratuitous World June 22, 2012 at 11:27 am

I just wanna fuck!

MOG2410 June 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Then you're in good company.

bonghitforjesus June 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I just wanna fuck without making babies! You'd think the xtians wouldn't want bisexual lib femmes like me breeding anyway..

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Send me your phone number!

SaintRond June 22, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Says I already voted on this comment and I didn't. Oh, well.

PhilippePetain June 22, 2012 at 11:28 am

Dude, why Christians gotta be such creeps?

I mean YOU try boning down with a lady and being all "mmm yeah im loading your quiver mmm yeah be FRUITFUL…"

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 11:39 am

I'm not a boned-down-upon lady, but I find your comment easy to mast her bait to.

SorosBot June 22, 2012 at 11:28 am

No, China's one child policy reflects the philosophy that the government can tell women what to do with their own wombs – in other words, the exact same philosophy the Christian Medical Association believes in. Whether it's forced abortions or forced pregnancy, it's the same.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 11:53 am

But they're godless commies, and "we" are God-fearing fascists!

Serolf_Divad June 22, 2012 at 11:57 am

But… but… but… Jesus!

DemmeFatale June 22, 2012 at 11:28 am

I can not believe I still have to protest this shit!

fuflans June 22, 2012 at 11:59 pm

yes! i just showed three veteran feminists that picture and they were

well, you can imagine. an icon for our times.

An_Outhouse June 22, 2012 at 11:29 am

What employer wants there workers to have children? The little worms get sick, and have special events and shit. I want my workers chained to the assembly line, not distracted with thoughts of their pets and what not.

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 11:32 am

Having babbies makes you stay at your job longer, so no training costs, plus you have another mouth to feed, so you're less likely to stir up trouble and get fired.

FlownOver June 22, 2012 at 11:36 am

Srsly. If I have one more business meeting rescheduled because of some ten-year-old's fucking softball game I'm going to make a major investment in exploding sports equipment.

jodyleek June 22, 2012 at 11:41 am

Uhhh, perhaps you didn't get the memo, but the ones with the lady parts are s'posed to be staying at home, darning socks, stoking the fire, boiling the laundry, teachin' the youngens about babby Jeezus and making sammiches.

An_Outhouse June 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Mittens told me sammiches come from machines with fancy buttons on them.

jodyleek June 22, 2012 at 12:11 pm

That's where he thinks babies come from also too.

MoeDeLawn June 22, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Not just "fancy" – they had "touch-tone" buttons!

OkieDokieDog June 22, 2012 at 11:30 am

The Christian Medical Ass should be put in a Chinese gulag.

I really have a problem with people who go into the medical profession and then use their religious crap beliefs to deny care to a patient. I find THAT immoral.

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:45 pm

After I moved away from the South, I met and became friends with some people of faith who are not judgmental idiots.
However, in my admittedly limited experience, the people who ARE judgmental idiots are invariably Christians (or vegans).
You know what devout Jews don't do? They don't go around door to door telling everyone not to have a ham sangwich for lunch, and they don't get jobs in a supermarket and then refuse to sell anybody pork chops.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 22, 2012 at 11:30 am

“[It is] undermining a foundational tenant of our society — First Amendment rights [...]

So does this mean we can have sex in public now? Yay, Christian person! Thank you!!

Guppy June 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Cirque du Soleil blowjobs for everyone!

IncenseDebate June 22, 2012 at 11:31 am

Vaginas: a slippery slope.

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 11:42 am

If you do it right

Serolf_Divad June 22, 2012 at 11:58 am

If you peel the scabs first…

…eeeeeeeew!

BornInATrailer June 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Slope.. I see what you did there.

HarryButtle June 22, 2012 at 11:34 am

Freedom’s just another word for 13 mouths to feed.

SorosBot June 22, 2012 at 11:35 am

These idiots have twisted the First Amendment into a "right" for employers to force their religious views onto their employees in the exact same way the Paulites claim the Civil Rights Act violates the "right" for businesses to refuse to hire or provide service to black people. They talk about rights when they support the exact opposite of real freedom.

jodyleek June 22, 2012 at 11:45 am

It's like they're hypocrites or something. Or assholes.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 11:51 am

Yes, your employer has the "right" to control your sex life, but the government does not have the right to ensure that you have the choice, should you so choose, to control your sex life.

Pretty fucked up, their heads are. I'm so glad I don't "think" like that.

Tyrannically_Joe June 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

For a rather gob-smacking example of this, check out this guy

tl;dr summary: he's basically advocating for warlords, only in terms that talk about bringing "competition" to law enforcement and justice systems that exist via contract and compete for customers.

Because if the prison/prison labor industry could arrest and convict people while they were at it, nothing bad could ever happen, and it totally counts as non-coercive freedom, because you're free to align yourself with other warlords who will non-coercively retaliate if someone "arrested" and enslaved you without cause. You know, maybe.

I'm literally not exagerrating. This guy's ideal society is, in fact, literally Somalia. This isn't just me ridiculing the libertarian position using hyperbole, this is really what he believes.

SorosBot June 22, 2012 at 5:11 pm

So basically they want us to go back to a society of ever-warring city-states that enslave all captives like we had in the earliest days of civilization, before anyone came up with ideas like laws. Well it worked well for the Sumerians – if you were one of the god-kings, high priests or their top advisers; if you were one of the slaves, commoners or a woman period your life was pretty dismal.

glasspusher June 22, 2012 at 11:39 am

This quiver full movement makes me shiver. I have one, wonderful, unplanned kid, then it was snip snip for me, and I'm a guy. Especially in this country, what with consumption overpopulation and all that, more people is downright irresponsible.

DemmeFatale June 22, 2012 at 11:40 am

OT:
Do we not get Intensedebate notices of replies in our inboxes anymore?
(Cause I don't.)

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

I was getting them yesterday…

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm

And I got one just now.

Guppy June 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Check your ID settings.

widestanceromance June 22, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Have you tried turning them off and then back on again? (snark aside, I get them most of the time, but not always immediately)

Tyrannically_Joe June 22, 2012 at 11:40 am

Christian Medical Association

That's a fascinating contradiction of terms you have there.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:15 pm

They're "medical" in the same way Christian Scientists are scientific. Which is the same way the Democratic Republic of Shitholistan is democratic.

MosesInvests June 22, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Or a republic.

MOG2410 June 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Still trying to explain the Virgin birth.

bonghitforjesus June 22, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Take two prayers and call me in the morning.

Tyrannically_Joe June 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

An apple a day keeps Adam and all his descendants attainted with original sin

Crank_Tango June 22, 2012 at 11:41 am

Slightly OT, but seeing that pic of all the friggin Romney sons from Conan the other night struck me as one of the most obvious signs of his weirdness.
I mean, who the fuck has that many children? Besides old-school catholics of course. God knows my Irish grandparents each came from litters bigger than a baker's dozen…

flamingpdog June 22, 2012 at 11:57 am

Mormons have that many children. I had four cousins growing up. My Mormon grandchildren have about 435 cousins, plus or minus a hundred.

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"who the fuck has that many children?"

Stupid people.
Or people who are too irresponsible to use birth control.
In other words, people who are unfit to be parents.
LIfe's ironic, ain't it?

CrunchyKnee June 22, 2012 at 11:42 am

China one babby policy – bad, China shit goods made by slave labor -good.

Fuck off, Christianists.

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 11:44 am

More babbies = more shitty products!

Boojum June 22, 2012 at 11:45 am

This is just science. 1 plus green equals orange!

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Also, and such.

EatsBabyDingos June 22, 2012 at 11:46 am

Vaginas have a God given First Amendment right to pussyfart.

Boojum June 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I think they are more interested in the chunky pussyfarts.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 11:48 am

I can't help noticing in that psalm, it says "Happy is the man." Nobody gives a flying fuck about the poor bint that's been firing the babbies out her twot like arrows from a bow, of course. She'll be happy because her man tells her to be. That's all it takes, right?

actor212 June 22, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Hundreds of women aligned on the parapets as the orcs march towards Helm's Deep…legs akimbo…

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:58 pm

They tried lighting the babbies on fire before shooting them at the orcs, but it hurt their ladybits too much.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I'm a recovering religionist. I occasionally listen to their broadcast hate speech, just to remind myself of the climate I left.

The womens' programs (after hours, of course! Menfolk need to talk business during the day) speak a lot on subservience to Man and Gawd, yet it's eerily tinged with misapplied feminist themes — and only because there's room for Jesus in the bed.

bobbert June 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Of course, being a psalm, the context could have been one man with twenty wives and/or concubines shooting out one each.

Serolf_Divad June 22, 2012 at 11:48 am

Any time you see the word "Christian" or "Bible" before an organization's name, just substitute the word "pretend."

So "Christian Medical Association" is really just the "Pretend Medical Association." And "Christian Daycare" is "Pretend Daycare." And "Bible College"… well, you get the idea.

The same goes for any accrediting body founded by Rand Paul and staffed by his immediate family.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I usually substitute "Fucked up." But maybe that's just me.

Chichikovovich June 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Let's see… "Christian Science", "Christian Philosophy" [today, that is, with bozos like Robbie George, not back when Erasmus, Augustine, or even the wildly overrated St. Thomas Aquinas were on the job], "Christian love of the homosexual despite hatred of homosexual acts", …..

Yep – works every time! Thanks!

Edit; (But I would have expected no less from good old Bertie Russell)

Fairtackle June 22, 2012 at 11:52 am

it’s a favorable policy to decide that children are a liability to our culture

Seems that when you have so many people, they are mowing down your resources like a swarm of locusts and keeping you from being able to drag your economy into the 20th century, maybe too many children are a liability.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 22, 2012 at 11:52 am

a select few Christians really want to try and out-fuck 1,700,000,000 Chinese? With a success / fail marker every nine months? HAH! Have at it.

(maybe someone will tell them "quiverfull" people that a number that high is the reason there's a policy like that in China…)

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 11:59 am

Also a reason that cheap plastic goods can be made so cheaply in China.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Other than prisons, I am not seeing enough white-folk schadenfreude labor camps here in Amercia, so this lesson may still be hard-learned for the average entitled loudmouth fat-assed ginger in Jesus tattoos.

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I suppose to be fair, they have been trained their whole lives to assume that because they're superspecial, they'll be the slavedrivers making huge profits from the hoardes of cheap labor. I mean, if there was no OSHA or minimum wage, we'd have no unemployment, right?

OK that was too much thinking too like a Republican for me. I need a shower now.

MOG2410 June 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"a select few" – the ones with low IQs apparenlty, won't that be just grand!

ManchuCandidate June 22, 2012 at 11:57 am

It's not like the Chinese Commies hated kids. They love them (to work in the factories)… well, the sons anyway.

The important fact ignored by the Xtian "Medical" Association is that at the time the policy was implemented China's population growth was going to outstrip its food supply and the Commies didn't do what US Amercian fundies have done with regards to oil, pollution and global warming and shove their fucking heads in the sand and pretend it will all go away.

Yeah, I know this will fall on sand and bible stuffed deaf ears like most human knowledge and facts.

flamingpdog June 22, 2012 at 11:58 am

"and the Fruit of the Womb is his reward.

I love that brand of underwear, too!

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 12:38 pm

"Ye shall know them by their skid marks." (Matthew 7:16)

Boojum June 22, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Tenant for tenet and conscious for conscience are the the chalkboard fingernails of stupidity.

Guppy June 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The author was just following the Christian Writer's Handbook.

Generation[redacted] June 22, 2012 at 12:08 pm

The Church wants you to be free to choose how many babbies you want, as long as you choose the correct number. The correct number is "A lot." Also accepted: "As many as possible" and "Don't stop poppin' 'em out"

sullivanst June 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

"As many as God chooses to bless me with" is, I believe, the only answer that scores all the points available.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:11 pm

The Christian Medical Association is a tenant that society needs to evict.

chascates June 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm

So, will fucking in the streets be acceptable now?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I like civil disobedience.

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Now that's what I call missionary work!

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Yay!
*waves pennant*
Go team!

MOG2410 June 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Wait, what? It's not acceptable now? As long as it doesn't scare the horses has always been my motto.

mavenmaven June 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Um, the view of Christianity about the body is that it is sinful, new children being born are products of sin and need salvation, which is why those devoted to Christ (nuns, clergy) weren't meant to reproduce.

Chichikovovich June 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm

“[It is] undermining a foundational tenant of our society … [promoting] the whole attitude that somehow pregnancy is something to be systematically … avoided,”

Wow. Who would have thought a spokesman for a Christian organization would be denouncing Abstinence Education in our schools.

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm

"even if your employer doesn’t want you to have birth control"

I'm borrowing from another wonketteer here (sorry, don't recall who), but what kind of employer doesn't want their employees to have birth control? Every place I've ever worked would put bcs in the water cooler if they thought they could get away with it.

ttommyunger June 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but ass-fucking other guys and youngsters does not do a thing for the white baby count. At the rate the Latinos and Muslims are popping kids out they will be running Europe as well as the Americas by 2050. Suck on that!

rickmaci June 22, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Then you best getting working on learing Spanish or Arabic so you can speak to your little brown grandkids.

ttommyunger June 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I'm 71 so l've got that going for me.Sent from my iPhone

rickmaci June 22, 2012 at 5:28 pm

You have 20 years on me. I'm learning Arabic so I can study sharia law.

ttommyunger June 22, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Knowledge is power.Sent from my iPhone

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"foundational “tenant” of our society"

To be fair, I've also confused the words "tenant" and "tenet".
Of course, I was in fifth grade at the time.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

In Louisiana, in the tenth grade, you can learn about the dinosaur Jesus rode.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:56 pm

And a year later, you were over-qualfied for the job of Xtard spokesperson.

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"If women can have sex without it ruining their lives, how are they ever going to learn?" — The Onion

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Hippocrates wasn't a Christian, so his oath doesn't apply to Christian physicians (Christicians?) .

viennawoods13 June 22, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Is a foundational tenant the guy living in the basement apartment?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 12:48 pm

No surprise here. Among the CMA's more prominent members is W. David Hager (the Horrible), one of Amercia's finest and most outstanding vagina-hating Xtards.

(We have a very special pitchfork reserved for this fucker.)

redarmybarbie June 23, 2012 at 12:11 pm

At this rate, there's a special pitchfork for ALL of 'em.

randcoolcatdaddy June 22, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Sigh. How I long for the good old days when, as an atheist, I could just simply ignore Christians and go on with my life.

DahBoner June 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Fortunately, most Mexicans are illiterate and won't be able to read this policy….

Doktor Zoom June 22, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Just barely on topic–thought I'd note that Anthony Trollope's Barchester Towers, which I'm re-reading now, has a minor character named "Mr. Quiverful," a minister with 14 children. He's a decent enough sort, but is willing to be used as a pawn by the villainous Mr. Obadiah Slope in his plots…

viennawoods13 June 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Love those books. The Bishop's wife would fit right in with these Xtards.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 22, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Why are Republicans so against China's one child policy? They are mostly getting rid of the women, which would solve all of the Republican's complaints. It seems a natural for them, leaving wold ruled by men who take a wide stance on the issues.

JustPixelz June 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

"[in China]…additional children are not good."

In the 1950s China encouraged large families as a way to strengthen the nation in the future. Hooray! More workers, soldiers and peasants. That plan went off the rails in 1959-1961 when droughts, agricultural policies and industrialization led to lethal famines, aggravated by all those hungry but non-productive children. Between 15million and 45million people died for lack of food. Today's one-child policy arguably helps insulate against the impact of some future famine.

Every nation is three meals from revolution.

didgen June 22, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Yes, what we really need in this country are more hungry, neglected children to not provide education for. USA, on the fast track to the third world.

Diabeetis June 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."
(Psalm 137:9)

Diabeetis June 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Perhaps the Christian Medical Association should demand that the GOP stop supporting trade with China while they're at it. But no, that would mean they would have to be consistent for once.

DahBoner June 22, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Rich fetuses don't eat out.

They call womb service…

SaintRond June 22, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I always thought "fruit of the womb" was a term used by baby eaters.

glamourdammerung June 22, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I really should contact this Christian Medical Association since I am unsure how many leeches one uses for birth control, where they are placed, and what humors are involved.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 26, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I'm quite certain that these fuckers are totally humorless.

bravo_sierra June 22, 2012 at 6:33 pm

WTF are "conscious rights" ? What laws have we had for numerous years that have protected these rights? I feel like this Christian Doctor person is making no sense at all.
Maybe they're only rights I have when I'm conscious?

thesuniverse June 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

We just had the one kid, which I am generally quite happy with. Until I remember Idiocracy and realize I've let down my people with my stupid womb.

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 11:58 am

"A 16-foot saguaro cactus from a nearby property struck and then pinned Mason while he was working, resulting in multiple injuries…"

Are they sure it wasn't a giant jumping cactus?

True story — Ages ago, my dad was riding his vintage Indian motorcycle through Saquaro National Park outside of Tucson, and hit a rock, propelling him through the air and landing his face smack dab into a saquaro. Fortunately, a passing motorist retrieved an ambulance. They had to cut a chunk out of the cactus still stuck to his face and remove it at the hospital. He kept the chunk in a shoe box as a conversation piece for the rest of his life, and eventually handed it on to me.

tessiee June 22, 2012 at 12:40 pm

*music a la "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"*
*ooey ooey ooh, wah wah wah*
*Mike opens shoe box*
"This here's the cactus what kilt my Pa."

James Michael Curley June 22, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I hope he gave you the Indian also. Man would I love to have an antique Chief. I would probably kill myself with the suicide clutch.

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Alas, he gave the Indian to my aunt, who specializes in salvaging and reconstructing classic bikes. Sigh.

James Michael Curley June 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Since you seem to be the closest male relative, may I have your approval to ask for you aunt’s hand (and Indian) in marriage?

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