good christian doctors

American Birth Control Mandate To Lead To Communist Chinese One-Child Policy! Everybody Panic!

Put one in your belly today!Hey ladies! How’s your womb? Is it fruitful? No? What about now? Is it fruitful yet? Well are you even TRYING? It is your job to fill your stomach with tiny babies, a Quiver full of babies even, and if you do not want, say, 19 babies, then you are a heathen Communist Chinee. That is just so obvious we should not even have to say it, but apparently you are a Dumb Girl.

Luckily, the Christian Medical Association is here to explain that an insurance company offering you birth control even if your employer doesn’t want you to have birth control is not only abrogating your employer’s First Amendment right to determine your sex life (you are a factory worker in Macau, right?) but is also the first step on the road to China’s one-child policy and forced abortion. It is simply that simple.

So, dude from the Christian Medical Association, does birth control undermine a foundational “tenant” of our society?

“[It is] undermining a foundational tenant of our society — First Amendment rights, undermining years and many laws that have protected our conscious rights and [promoting] the whole attitude that somehow pregnancy is something to be systematically abandoned or avoided,” he says. “All those reasons are reasons to want to overturn this mandate that’s coming out from Health and Human Services.”

He notes China’s one-child policy — a policy he says reflects the philosophy that additional children are not good.

“I fear that we are adopting some of that same philosophy in our country where we’re saying that the government can decide it’s a favorable policy to decide that children are a liability to our culture; therefore, we’re going to have policies and procedures to help avoid that,” he remarks.

That is true: helping people do a thing they want to do is exactly the same thing as forcing other people who don’t want to do that thing to do it. Q.E.Duh!

The CMA spokesman says he can understand individuals making decisions regarding how many children to have and when, but argues that is not the government’s decision.

Right, it is the decision of all the Christian doctors, how many children you will have and when, or if not the doctors then your rural county’s lone pharmacist (yay conscience clauses!) who will decide that you cannot have your slut pills because the government is taking away our freedom.

If anything, it just makes too much sense! [OneNewsNow]

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139 comments

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      No it isn't. Their entire schtick is having a ton of kids. If everybody has a ton of kids, they'll have to get real jobs. Heaven forbid!

  1. actor212

    See, this is why I think "pro-choice" should be amended to "pro-family autonomy" or whatever catchphrase we can think up.

    My family and I ought to be able to make our own decisions about when and how many babbies to have, and not rely on the gubmint OR the Christians.

  2. qwerty42

    Freedom is only freedom if I can force you to do things the way I want. Otherwise, it is oppression. And tyranny. And soshuliszm.

  3. kissawookiee

    Here in Arizona, every lady's womb is officially fruitful, even when it's not, so I think we're okay in that regard.

  4. Tundra Grifter

    I'm sure American health insurance companies, being universally eleemosynary, have never calculated the profits derived from providing birh control instead of paying the costs of hospital baby delivery.

    1. ChernobylSoup

      Maternity care in Nevada will set you back two chickens (and a loaf of zucchini bread if it's a preemie).

    2. tessiee

      Only if they have entire rooms full of people who do nothing but calculate the costs of things… oh, wait, they do.

    1. bonghitforjesus

      I just wanna fuck without making babies! You'd think the xtians wouldn't want bisexual lib femmes like me breeding anyway..

  5. PhilippePetain

    Dude, why Christians gotta be such creeps?

    I mean YOU try boning down with a lady and being all "mmm yeah im loading your quiver mmm yeah be FRUITFUL…"

    1. widestanceromance

      I'm not a boned-down-upon lady, but I find your comment easy to mast her bait to.

  6. SorosBot

    No, China's one child policy reflects the philosophy that the government can tell women what to do with their own wombs – in other words, the exact same philosophy the Christian Medical Association believes in. Whether it's forced abortions or forced pregnancy, it's the same.

  7. An_Outhouse

    What employer wants there workers to have children? The little worms get sick, and have special events and shit. I want my workers chained to the assembly line, not distracted with thoughts of their pets and what not.

    1. actor212

      Having babbies makes you stay at your job longer, so no training costs, plus you have another mouth to feed, so you're less likely to stir up trouble and get fired.

    2. FlownOver

      Srsly. If I have one more business meeting rescheduled because of some ten-year-old's fucking softball game I'm going to make a major investment in exploding sports equipment.

    3. jodyleek

      Uhhh, perhaps you didn't get the memo, but the ones with the lady parts are s'posed to be staying at home, darning socks, stoking the fire, boiling the laundry, teachin' the youngens about babby Jeezus and making sammiches.

  8. OkieDokieDog

    The Christian Medical Ass should be put in a Chinese gulag.

    I really have a problem with people who go into the medical profession and then use their religious crap beliefs to deny care to a patient. I find THAT immoral.

    1. tessiee

      After I moved away from the South, I met and became friends with some people of faith who are not judgmental idiots.
      However, in my admittedly limited experience, the people who ARE judgmental idiots are invariably Christians (or vegans).
      You know what devout Jews don't do? They don't go around door to door telling everyone not to have a ham sangwich for lunch, and they don't get jobs in a supermarket and then refuse to sell anybody pork chops.

  9. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    “[It is] undermining a foundational tenant of our society — First Amendment rights [...]

    So does this mean we can have sex in public now? Yay, Christian person! Thank you!!

  10. SorosBot

    These idiots have twisted the First Amendment into a "right" for employers to force their religious views onto their employees in the exact same way the Paulites claim the Civil Rights Act violates the "right" for businesses to refuse to hire or provide service to black people. They talk about rights when they support the exact opposite of real freedom.

    1. sullivanst

      Yes, your employer has the "right" to control your sex life, but the government does not have the right to ensure that you have the choice, should you so choose, to control your sex life.

      Pretty fucked up, their heads are. I'm so glad I don't "think" like that.

    2. Tyrannically_Joe

      For a rather gob-smacking example of this, check out this guy

      tl;dr summary: he's basically advocating for warlords, only in terms that talk about bringing "competition" to law enforcement and justice systems that exist via contract and compete for customers.

      Because if the prison/prison labor industry could arrest and convict people while they were at it, nothing bad could ever happen, and it totally counts as non-coercive freedom, because you're free to align yourself with other warlords who will non-coercively retaliate if someone "arrested" and enslaved you without cause. You know, maybe.

      I'm literally not exagerrating. This guy's ideal society is, in fact, literally Somalia. This isn't just me ridiculing the libertarian position using hyperbole, this is really what he believes.

      1. SorosBot

        So basically they want us to go back to a society of ever-warring city-states that enslave all captives like we had in the earliest days of civilization, before anyone came up with ideas like laws. Well it worked well for the Sumerians – if you were one of the god-kings, high priests or their top advisers; if you were one of the slaves, commoners or a woman period your life was pretty dismal.

  11. glasspusher

    This quiver full movement makes me shiver. I have one, wonderful, unplanned kid, then it was snip snip for me, and I'm a guy. Especially in this country, what with consumption overpopulation and all that, more people is downright irresponsible.

    1. widestanceromance

      Have you tried turning them off and then back on again? (snark aside, I get them most of the time, but not always immediately)

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      They're "medical" in the same way Christian Scientists are scientific. Which is the same way the Democratic Republic of Shitholistan is democratic.

  12. Crank_Tango

    Slightly OT, but seeing that pic of all the friggin Romney sons from Conan the other night struck me as one of the most obvious signs of his weirdness.
    I mean, who the fuck has that many children? Besides old-school catholics of course. God knows my Irish grandparents each came from litters bigger than a baker's dozen…

    1. flamingpdog

      Mormons have that many children. I had four cousins growing up. My Mormon grandchildren have about 435 cousins, plus or minus a hundred.

    2. tessiee

      "who the fuck has that many children?"

      Stupid people.
      Or people who are too irresponsible to use birth control.
      In other words, people who are unfit to be parents.
      LIfe's ironic, ain't it?

  13. CrunchyKnee

    China one babby policy – bad, China shit goods made by slave labor -good.

    Fuck off, Christianists.

  14. sullivanst

    I can't help noticing in that psalm, it says "Happy is the man." Nobody gives a flying fuck about the poor bint that's been firing the babbies out her twot like arrows from a bow, of course. She'll be happy because her man tells her to be. That's all it takes, right?

      1. tessiee

        They tried lighting the babbies on fire before shooting them at the orcs, but it hurt their ladybits too much.

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      I'm a recovering religionist. I occasionally listen to their broadcast hate speech, just to remind myself of the climate I left.

      The womens' programs (after hours, of course! Menfolk need to talk business during the day) speak a lot on subservience to Man and Gawd, yet it's eerily tinged with misapplied feminist themes — and only because there's room for Jesus in the bed.

    2. bobbert

      Of course, being a psalm, the context could have been one man with twenty wives and/or concubines shooting out one each.

  15. Serolf_Divad

    Any time you see the word "Christian" or "Bible" before an organization's name, just substitute the word "pretend."

    So "Christian Medical Association" is really just the "Pretend Medical Association." And "Christian Daycare" is "Pretend Daycare." And "Bible College"… well, you get the idea.

    The same goes for any accrediting body founded by Rand Paul and staffed by his immediate family.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Let's see… "Christian Science", "Christian Philosophy" [today, that is, with bozos like Robbie George, not back when Erasmus, Augustine, or even the wildly overrated St. Thomas Aquinas were on the job], "Christian love of the homosexual despite hatred of homosexual acts", …..

      Yep – works every time! Thanks!

      Edit; (But I would have expected no less from good old Bertie Russell)

  16. Fairtackle

    it’s a favorable policy to decide that children are a liability to our culture

    Seems that when you have so many people, they are mowing down your resources like a swarm of locusts and keeping you from being able to drag your economy into the 20th century, maybe too many children are a liability.

  17. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    a select few Christians really want to try and out-fuck 1,700,000,000 Chinese? With a success / fail marker every nine months? HAH! Have at it.

    (maybe someone will tell them "quiverfull" people that a number that high is the reason there's a policy like that in China…)

      1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Other than prisons, I am not seeing enough white-folk schadenfreude labor camps here in Amercia, so this lesson may still be hard-learned for the average entitled loudmouth fat-assed ginger in Jesus tattoos.

        1. sullivanst

          I suppose to be fair, they have been trained their whole lives to assume that because they're superspecial, they'll be the slavedrivers making huge profits from the hoardes of cheap labor. I mean, if there was no OSHA or minimum wage, we'd have no unemployment, right?

          OK that was too much thinking too like a Republican for me. I need a shower now.

  18. ManchuCandidate

    It's not like the Chinese Commies hated kids. They love them (to work in the factories)… well, the sons anyway.

    The important fact ignored by the Xtian "Medical" Association is that at the time the policy was implemented China's population growth was going to outstrip its food supply and the Commies didn't do what US Amercian fundies have done with regards to oil, pollution and global warming and shove their fucking heads in the sand and pretend it will all go away.

    Yeah, I know this will fall on sand and bible stuffed deaf ears like most human knowledge and facts.

  19. Boojum

    Tenant for tenet and conscious for conscience are the the chalkboard fingernails of stupidity.

  20. Generation[redacted]

    The Church wants you to be free to choose how many babbies you want, as long as you choose the correct number. The correct number is "A lot." Also accepted: "As many as possible" and "Don't stop poppin' 'em out"

    1. sullivanst

      "As many as God chooses to bless me with" is, I believe, the only answer that scores all the points available.

    1. MOG2410

      Wait, what? It's not acceptable now? As long as it doesn't scare the horses has always been my motto.

  21. mavenmaven

    Um, the view of Christianity about the body is that it is sinful, new children being born are products of sin and need salvation, which is why those devoted to Christ (nuns, clergy) weren't meant to reproduce.

  22. Chichikovovich

    “[It is] undermining a foundational tenant of our society … [promoting] the whole attitude that somehow pregnancy is something to be systematically … avoided,”

    Wow. Who would have thought a spokesman for a Christian organization would be denouncing Abstinence Education in our schools.

  23. tessiee

    "even if your employer doesn’t want you to have birth control"

    I'm borrowing from another wonketteer here (sorry, don't recall who), but what kind of employer doesn't want their employees to have birth control? Every place I've ever worked would put bcs in the water cooler if they thought they could get away with it.

  24. ttommyunger

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but ass-fucking other guys and youngsters does not do a thing for the white baby count. At the rate the Latinos and Muslims are popping kids out they will be running Europe as well as the Americas by 2050. Suck on that!

    1. rickmaci

      Then you best getting working on learing Spanish or Arabic so you can speak to your little brown grandkids.

  25. tessiee

    "foundational “tenant” of our society"

    To be fair, I've also confused the words "tenant" and "tenet".
    Of course, I was in fifth grade at the time.

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      In Louisiana, in the tenth grade, you can learn about the dinosaur Jesus rode.

  26. tessiee

    "If women can have sex without it ruining their lives, how are they ever going to learn?" — The Onion

  27. TribecaMike

    Hippocrates wasn't a Christian, so his oath doesn't apply to Christian physicians (Christicians?) .

  28. randcoolcatdaddy

    Sigh. How I long for the good old days when, as an atheist, I could just simply ignore Christians and go on with my life.

  29. Doktor Zoom

    Just barely on topic–thought I'd note that Anthony Trollope's Barchester Towers, which I'm re-reading now, has a minor character named "Mr. Quiverful," a minister with 14 children. He's a decent enough sort, but is willing to be used as a pawn by the villainous Mr. Obadiah Slope in his plots…

  30. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Why are Republicans so against China's one child policy? They are mostly getting rid of the women, which would solve all of the Republican's complaints. It seems a natural for them, leaving wold ruled by men who take a wide stance on the issues.

  31. JustPixelz

    "[in China]…additional children are not good."

    In the 1950s China encouraged large families as a way to strengthen the nation in the future. Hooray! More workers, soldiers and peasants. That plan went off the rails in 1959-1961 when droughts, agricultural policies and industrialization led to lethal famines, aggravated by all those hungry but non-productive children. Between 15million and 45million people died for lack of food. Today's one-child policy arguably helps insulate against the impact of some future famine.

    Every nation is three meals from revolution.

  32. didgen

    Yes, what we really need in this country are more hungry, neglected children to not provide education for. USA, on the fast track to the third world.

  33. Diabeetis

    "Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."
    (Psalm 137:9)

  34. Diabeetis

    Perhaps the Christian Medical Association should demand that the GOP stop supporting trade with China while they're at it. But no, that would mean they would have to be consistent for once.

  35. glamourdammerung

    I really should contact this Christian Medical Association since I am unsure how many leeches one uses for birth control, where they are placed, and what humors are involved.

  36. bravo_sierra

    WTF are "conscious rights" ? What laws have we had for numerous years that have protected these rights? I feel like this Christian Doctor person is making no sense at all.
    Maybe they're only rights I have when I'm conscious?

  37. thesuniverse

    We just had the one kid, which I am generally quite happy with. Until I remember Idiocracy and realize I've let down my people with my stupid womb.

  38. TribecaMike

    "A 16-foot saguaro cactus from a nearby property struck and then pinned Mason while he was working, resulting in multiple injuries…"

    Are they sure it wasn't a giant jumping cactus?

    True story — Ages ago, my dad was riding his vintage Indian motorcycle through Saquaro National Park outside of Tucson, and hit a rock, propelling him through the air and landing his face smack dab into a saquaro. Fortunately, a passing motorist retrieved an ambulance. They had to cut a chunk out of the cactus still stuck to his face and remove it at the hospital. He kept the chunk in a shoe box as a conversation piece for the rest of his life, and eventually handed it on to me.

  39. tessiee

    *music a la "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"*
    *ooey ooey ooh, wah wah wah*
    *Mike opens shoe box*
    "This here's the cactus what kilt my Pa."

  40. James Michael Curley

    I hope he gave you the Indian also. Man would I love to have an antique Chief. I would probably kill myself with the suicide clutch.

  41. TribecaMike

    Alas, he gave the Indian to my aunt, who specializes in salvaging and reconstructing classic bikes. Sigh.

  42. James Michael Curley

    Since you seem to be the closest male relative, may I have your approval to ask for you aunt’s hand (and Indian) in marriage?

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