CHOOSE YOUR OWN DERP  6:15 pm June 21, 2012

Richard Mourdock Thanks Court For Striking Down Obamacare, Slams Court For Upholding It, Etc.

by Jim Newell

I hate myselfIndiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, that guy who ended Dick Lugar’s liberal nuke-hating, being-polite-to-Obama political career, is now also “that guy” whose staff accidentally posted all of his response YouTubes to an important event from the future. In this case, the Supreme Court health care decision. They show us how Republicans will respond to any and all decisions, and dare we say that the messages are fairly predictable! If the Court strikes it down, then it’s “Obama’s gonna try to pass it again, stop him”; If the Court upholds it, then it’s “stupid Court, we’ll show you what’s what when we repeal this whole thing in January”; if the Court kicks a decision down the road, then it’s “stupid Court, we’ll show you what’s what when we repeal this whole thing in January.” There’s also one for a “split decision,” by which he seems to mean only certain parts are overturned. Oh crystal ball, which one of the Richard Mourdock YouTubes will prove to be the one, true Richard Mourdock YouTube, and which ones will be thrown in the trash like all those “Patriots beat Giants” souvenirs are the day after each Super Bowl?

Here’s Mourdock sitting in the comedy club from the opening of each Seinfeld, responding to the Supreme Court’s decision to declare a clearly unconstitutional law (that all Republicans supported versions of for 20 years) constitutional. “Well, the Supreme Court has done what none of us really thought could happen.” He’s right, actually, it would be quite rare for this Supreme Court to not randomly strike down something that liberals like:

Next: “We’ve had our brief moment of celebration,” but don’t forget that Obama will now push for “Obamacare 2.0,” this time featuring whips and chains and Sharia and huggable black professors.

No answer? We’ll give you an answer, answerless people!

The liberal Solomons on the Court only overturned part of the law. Can you believe it? They only bothered to ignore 70 years worth of Commerce Clause precedent instead of having the guts to throw the whole thing out for no reason beyond their personal amusement.

At least we now know that Richard Mourdock is a dimension-hopping space witch imbued with the Devil’s Magick. He’d be right at home in the Senate.

[Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 125 comments }

Ryy June 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I love Wonkette so much! Swoon….

Limeylizzie June 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

We all love the Wonkette, and you, sir or madam-probably madam because "swoon" or the ghey, need to get your "p" score up. Upfists all round ,people! Edited to apologize for the comma coma I was in.

Not_So_Much June 21, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Interwebz — how do it work?

Designer_Radio June 21, 2012 at 7:01 pm

It's a series of boobs.

Butch_Wagstaff June 21, 2012 at 10:03 pm

A series of boobs using tubes?

Designer_Radio June 22, 2012 at 7:46 am

Interwebz: The NEW BoobTube

Lucidamente1 June 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

In all possible futures, Richard Mourdock is a retard.

ttommyunger June 21, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I can't believe this got by the dreaded Administrator! Goodonya!

Serolf_Divad June 21, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Limeylizzie June 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

That was genius!

JoeHoya June 21, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I anxiously await Richard Mourdock's video for when our alien overlords implement a single-payer healthcare system.

Beetagger June 21, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Comedy gold here! But if SCOTUS knocks the bill down, I'm all for having a pitchfork party at Scalia's house.

vodkamuppet June 21, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Scalia's going to kick soon anyway, let's go to John Roberts house instead.

LetUsBray June 21, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I don't know; he seems remarkably healthy for an obese 76-year old tub of evil mixed with lard.

Beowoof June 21, 2012 at 6:59 pm

One can always hope for happy events to happen.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Yeah, I know, right? Anyone would think feasting on the souls of society's neediest was the elixir of life.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:51 pm

It doesn't seem to have slowed Cheney down any.

Negropolis June 22, 2012 at 2:16 am

A pitchfork made out of votes, mais oui!

Blueb4sunrise June 21, 2012 at 6:20 pm

This may be the greatest thing ever.

iburl June 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Mittdinger's Dog strikes again. All things are simultaneously true and false.

ManchuCandidate June 21, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Orcs be orcing.

bumfug June 21, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Wait, where's the one where he sings "Call Me Maybe"?

Callyson June 21, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I've heard of preparing for all contingencies, but Jesus…

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

The fundies are preparing for all contingencies, especially Jesus.

Chill_Bill June 21, 2012 at 6:22 pm

He's like a retarded Nostradamus.

ChernobylSoup June 21, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Excellent.

emmelemm June 21, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Ha!

Good one.

Tyrannically_Joe June 21, 2012 at 6:23 pm

At least we now know that Richard Mourdock is a dimension-hopping space witch imbued with the Devil’s Magick. He’d be right at home in the Senate.

What are you talking about? Christine O'Donnell lost that election.

Well, in this timeline, at least. Who knows what happened in the darkest timeline. o_O

SexySmurf June 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

This is just poor planning. What if SCOTUS strikes down Obamacare but rules gay marriage mandatory? What if The Supremes uphold Obamacare but declare Ryan Gosling the Sexist Man Alive (suck it, Bradley Cooper)? What if zombie Earl Warren eats Scalia? Richard Mourdock is going to look like an idiot.

AncienReggie June 22, 2012 at 11:03 am

Prediction: Richard Mourdock is going to look like an idiot.

coolhandnuke June 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

All in all
he's just another
dick in the wall.

flamingpdog June 21, 2012 at 7:15 pm

He's what I find in the toilet at work after I dropped another brick in the stall.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 21, 2012 at 10:54 pm

You give him glory?

coolhandnuke June 22, 2012 at 12:07 am

Yes. A glory hole.

Veritas78 June 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

It must be nice to have lots of free time. Maybe I should run for office.

Schmannnity June 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Correction: I believe his name is spelled Sourdick

johnnyzhivago June 21, 2012 at 6:26 pm

He's also made videos for alien invasion of earth (one for friendly aliens, and one for aliens who grind humans up to fertilize their red vines)

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:15 pm

"I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords"

Negropolis June 22, 2012 at 2:18 am

Mmmm…red vines…delicious.

OldWhiteLies June 21, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I want to see what his prerecorded response utube is for the rapture.

The one that left him behind holding his own wanker, as he contemplates his coming days surrounded by nothing but us heathens.

edgydrifter June 21, 2012 at 6:27 pm

If I were an optimist, I'd point out that these videos suggest our Kochlords aren't completely confident that SCOTUS will overturn ACA. But I've never been an optimist, so whatever the outcome I'm pretty sure we're fucked.

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Future events such as these will affect you in the future.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Oh, wow- that is SO deep!

Generation[redacted] June 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I'm waiting for Hologram Tupac to weigh in.

johnnyzhivago June 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Did you know Hitler made two videos – one for Steiner not being able to get enough forces (used in the Downfall Movie) and one where Steiner beats back the Russians and he declares a holiday and challenges Churchill to a ping-pong match.

ChernobylSoup June 21, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Sooooooo?

Who won the ping pong match?

Negropolis June 22, 2012 at 2:19 am

Why, Communist China, of course.

bobbert June 22, 2012 at 2:31 am

Michelle Malkin?

arihaya June 21, 2012 at 11:37 pm

you forget the videos about Fegelein.

PsycWench June 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I'm awaiting the Supreme Court Dred Scott decision myself.

mavenmaven June 21, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Which video will the GOP use at the end of the day? The one with the rifles in it.

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Wasn't his nickname in school "Mr. Hypothetical"?

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Or Mr, Hypothyroid- one of those…

vodkamuppet June 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Didn't Stephan Colbert already do this bit for the debates in 2004? Oh, this isn't a joke. Oooh….

Gratuitous World June 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

what kind of asshole goes up 4 times at a Ft. Wayne Open Mic night?

Gunner Asch June 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

The only other time I can remember seeing the words Ft. Wayne: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VcMSkIP1nc

SayItWithWookies June 21, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Whereas Mitt's response will be the same regardless of the Supreme Court's decision — that they were just taking his advice all along.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 9:35 am

"I'll take a lot of the credit for that."

Mitt will run this no matter what happens, and no matter what the issue is. He will be mocked when he runs it after the outbreak of nuclear war.

savethispatient June 21, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Start a petition to demand that your Congressperson holds up today's newspaper on their YouTube videos today!

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:19 pm

And they'd better not be Kenyan newspapers with Obama birth announcements…

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 9:38 am

What is this "newspaper" of which you speak? Inquiring teabaggers want to know.

StanleyPain2 June 21, 2012 at 6:42 pm

"Goddamn activist judges!!!!"
"But sir, they ruled in your favor."
"Oh..uh..I mean….uh…THIS IS A TRIUMPH FOR OUR FOUNDING FATHERS AND THE CONSTITUTION AND THE BABY JESUS.."
"..but there are some things they didn't quite do, they…"
"ACTIVIST LIBERAL JUDGES ERODING THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE WITH GAY SEX!"

chascates June 21, 2012 at 6:49 pm

This is like one of those BBC cop dramas where someone gets shot and goes back in time to solve murder mysteries. In fact most BBC shows in America seem to be about someone solving murders. Great Britain must be the most violent place in the world.

Tyrannically_Joe June 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm
flamingpdog June 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I think Cabot Cove still holds that title.

LetUsBray June 21, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I always thought it was weird that no one ever questioned the old lady who was somehow always around when someone turned up dead.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Unlike TV here (CSI, the other CSI, the other other CSI, Law & Order, the other Law & Order, the other other Law & Order, Criminal Minds, The First 48, Dateline, blahblahblah)

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 9:40 am

Great Britain is where murders are events worthy of detailed investigation. In the US, we barely have time to add them up.

Antispandex June 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm

" They show us how Republicans will respond to any and all decisions…."

Tears. There will be tears. Either tears of joy, or just tears, but tears. And whining.

MoeDeLawn June 22, 2012 at 10:34 am

true. They are the sorest fucking winners ever.

barto June 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm

As his flag lapel pin gently weeps…

RayneMan June 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm

In the Multiverse, all of the videos are correct.

weejee June 21, 2012 at 6:56 pm

The Repubelicans have a post-Higgs boson super duper pooper scooper symmetry theory? Who knew? What about the Flying Spaghetti Monster's super stringies?

Exhausted66 June 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm
RayneMan June 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Yup. Something like that.

ShreditorsDesk June 21, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I have a prediction of my own. I predict his voters will never know of this folly, since they don't have the interwebs.

Fairtackle June 21, 2012 at 6:53 pm

One of the first against the wall when the revolution comes…

Tundra Grifter June 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Usually when a guy is standing in front of a wall like that he's wearing a blindfold and smoking his last cigarette.

Dashboard Buddha June 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Up against the wall you teabag mothers

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:00 pm

By the way, Happy Midsummer's Eve, y'all!

Ducksworthy June 21, 2012 at 7:02 pm

TimeTravel eh. As I recall, the Mourdocks were the hideous subterranean creatures who ate the blithe and ignorant hippies of the future in the Time Machine movie. Richard better be careful how far into the future he goes. He wouldn't want to try and subsist on a diet of flower children!

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 7:06 pm

This is nothing. He's also got 13,000,000 YouTube clips of next week's lottery numbers.

Tundra Grifter June 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm

WIN !1!

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I second that emotion! Or emoticon?

Extemporanus June 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm

SPOILER ALERT?!!

Blueb4sunrise June 21, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I asked him to do one of Coke versus Pepsi.

Exhausted66 June 21, 2012 at 7:23 pm

If he finds out about this, he's going to be Howlin' Mad.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I ain't legislatin' with no crazy fool!

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Bitch, please. There was a curtain in the background of the opening bit to every Seinfeld episode. A red velvet curtain.

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 7:34 pm

And it wasn't the opening of every episode! They dropped the stand-up bits later in the show's run.

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

It's actually entirely possible that there was once a brick background occasionally. I never watched.

Exhausted66 June 21, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Plus, Jerry used a microphone so you could hear him.

Tundra Grifter June 21, 2012 at 7:27 pm

This is like those touts who offer you the winner of the Super Bowl – and will refund your money if the prediction doesn't come true.

They just send half the suckers the name of one team and half the suckers the name of the other team.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:55 pm

More interesting move would probably be to send everyone the same name, wait for the odds to be distorted, and bet some proportion of the proceeds on the other team. Saving at least enough for your ticket to Youllneverseemeagain, of course ;)

Chichikovovich June 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Get a big enough pool of suckers (tea party mailing lists, for example) and you can make some *really* serious coin. Tell them that to prove your reliability, you'll give the first two picks free. Then do the divide in half and then divide that in half – still a lot of suckers and they've just won two bets. So they have cash and they think you're psychic. Divide the remaining list in half – one team to one half, other team to the other, and this time charge a hefty fee. [Of course with the money-back Guarantee, what the hell - no point in having angry losers come after you for a refund, maybe with lawyers sniffing around.] Refund to the losers and discard that list, increase the fee to the winners, and divide the winner list in half… As you keep dividing lists by two, you keep getting people who are more and more flush with cash from bets, and more and more convinced that you are infallible: after all, haven't you just predicted correctly n times in a row? …. Eventually, of course, you run out of suckers, but what a profitable ride it will be.

Tundra Grifter June 21, 2012 at 10:53 pm

That's the play – every time you split the list you double the price.

I was too lazy to type out the Long Form Scam.

Thank you.

PS: Giving the losers the 100% refund is a very good idea. Actually, on the last go around – since you are going to close the store – you can offer a 110% refund and still make coin.

BlueStateLibel June 21, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Even a blind squirrel gets a nut all the time.

flamingpdog June 21, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Hickory Dick Mourdock,
Your mouth around Koch's cock.
That cock sucked once,
Then on to Luntz.
Hickory Dick Mourdock.

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Three different videos saying three different things about one issue?

Mitt Romney says that's a good start for a beginner.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm

The Romney intermediate course of course teaches how to say them all in just one video, the advanced course will have you merging them into a single sentence.

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 7:37 pm

But what if it turns out Justice Alito was really the smoke monster and Scalia has actually been dead all along and the Court jumps back in time to the 70s while the sideways-universe Court is actually purgatory and that part is really stupid and almost everybody dies in the last few sessions?

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2012 at 7:41 pm

You Lost me.

Generation[redacted] June 21, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Sigh… I better prepare some youtube responses to the inevitable series reboot.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I thought Ginsburg was the smoke monster? I haz a confused…

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I know I can't wait to see Kennedy in a Dharma jumpsuit….rawr!

Negropolis June 22, 2012 at 2:29 am

Just someone reminding me of Lost makes me simultaneously angry and sad. It's funny how they created the Jacob sub-plot way near the beginning, brought it up to a feverish pitch near the end, and then just dropped it as totally inconsequential to the story at the very end. I had a bad feeling not even halfway into the last season that they were going to do that.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm

I just wish they had shown the video of him shuffling, then reading his tarot cards before each clip…

TribecaMike June 21, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Sadly, over the next thirty years he's going to keep adding deleted scenes, tons of CGI and a meandering Boba Fett subplot, and everyone will hate his guts for ruining their cherished childhood memories.

Negropolis June 22, 2012 at 2:34 am

George Lucas FTW.

mcrummett June 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Bet, meet Hedge.

ttommyunger June 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I see dumb people.

owhatever June 21, 2012 at 8:25 pm

What a shrewd man he is, looking into the future with such laser precision.

redarmybarbie June 21, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Can anyone get a hold of Doctor Who? Methinks the alternate timelines are collapsing in on each other again…

Sharkey June 21, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Decisions have been made. Yay decisions!!

MilwaukeeKent June 21, 2012 at 10:05 pm

It really has been one of the more brilliant long ball strategies for the Dems — to salt GOP campaigns with carefully trained "incompetent" Aides. That's how we kept Joe Plumber from taking the stage with McCain late in the '08 race. The one here, though, with Mourdock, must have chickened out on the old "Doing great, Dick! Almost all in one take! Hey, how's about we shoot a few with you playing a flaming Liberal, just for larfs, what say?".

Awful People June 21, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I just bought that tie for $16 on Amazon. Do I burn it or use it in some kind of demonic ritual intended to force Mr. Mourdock (or is it…Mordordock?) to say more things he means.

It is the cruelest of rituals.

doloras June 21, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Mourdock? He was the crazy fool from the A-Team, right?

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 21, 2012 at 11:04 pm

With his excellent sense of prognostication, he would be a fantastic addition to the Romney campaign, with the "Have It Both Ways" and "Etch-A-Sketch" dudes.

arihaya June 21, 2012 at 11:30 pm

shit this is like that movie Groundhog Days, where the main character doing thing repeatedly infinitely

Soylent Green June 21, 2012 at 11:58 pm

And all four end with 'G'night you're a great audience. Be sure to tip your waitress'.

NYNYNYjr June 22, 2012 at 1:04 am

Mourdock: Murdock + MODOK+Morlock. What a fuk up.

Negropolis June 22, 2012 at 2:15 am

Shorter Morlock: Dewey Defeats Truman

lochnessmonster June 22, 2012 at 6:46 am

But did he give these addresses using a TelePrompTer?

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Sundial.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 7:53 pm

No conscience, no worries.

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