It seems like only this afternoon that we were gazing in awe and wonder on the cartoon peepers (and maybe a little tits and ass) of the 20 hottest chicks in conservative media. How do the men in the office all manage to get any work done, are we right bros? Hubba hubba hubba bork bork bork.
But then we wondered: What men would even be qualified to judge the comparable hotness of slinky minx Ann Coulter as compared to whoever the rest of them were? And could we rank the men who judged the hottest conservative women by the hotness they themselves evince? OF COURSE NOT, men are to be judged on the quality of their work, IDIOT. We couldn’t find Steven Crowder? Maybe he is super hot? We did not leave him out on purpose! Steven Crowder, please send us a glamour shot! Eric Morris from Misfit Politics? We couldn’t find you either! Send us a pic, for us to fap to!
And now, without further ado, we present to you the seven hottest conservative men to judge the 20 hottest conservative women in media! And UPDATE to be TOTALLY CLEAR: These are the men who sat on the panel and judged the hottest conservative women contest. And without further ado again …
Here is Quin Hillyer, American Spectator and super hotty.
And here is John Hinderaker. Would you send John Hinderaker to the reeducation camps for wearing glasses, ladies? No you would not!
Here’s John Hawkins! He automatically almost wins for having once stood next to Ana Marie Cox.
Ali Akbar from Vice and Victory and National Bloggers Club. Er …
Dustin Stockton from The Tea Party.net. Look how saucy, like a young Marcus Bachmann! Rowr!
Erik Telford from the Franklin Center. Hotty McMmmmmm! Mama likes a man who likes his meat and taters!
And the winner is … Lee Stranahan from Breitbart, because he looks like he could score us some biker meth.
{ 187 comments }
Which one's dating Lindsey Graham?
All of 'em Katie.
Sometime it's just too easy.
all of 'em
I don't know, but if the price is right, they have their chance with Lindsay Lohan, these days, poor thing.
Thank God I took my masturbation break *before* checking in with Wonkette…
I wish I had. Now I have to go get the J. Crew catalogue out of my wife's office and get myself back in the mood…
Ali Akbar has that zombie chic.
brains…. braaaains… conservatards need braaaaaaaiiiiins…
I like Jeff more.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_G_ctFbLwC5I/RuLiGF1O5DI…
Why hasn't Pam Geller put him in Guantánamo yet?
I know right? This guy must be blind and deaf (what, I'm muslim?") or possibly a plant by CAIR.
Has young blue teeth Dustin Stockton been going down on Phyliss Schlafly?
What does old cooch taste like? Depends.
ew? also.
ew?
HOW AM I GOING TO UNTHINK THAT??? curses.
Ugly goes to the bone, don't it?
Dustin took my Gaydar to Defcon 1.
Like it really needed to say he was a tea partier.
I think "teabagger" might be more apt in this case.
I am a fat man. I am sad and I am fat.
I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
!! Yay !! My favorite line from all of the 3.5 million Simpsons episodes.
Is being a Stage 4 Alcoholic a requirement to work at/for Breitbart?
Yes.
I believe they offer on the job training
No, but it helps.
What's a stage fourhic! alcoholic?
But….they have great personalities, right?
No.
great personalities for what ?
…if you like to talk about donuts all day.
That was a typo. You meant to type "grave personality disorders".
PHFFFfffthaHAA-HA-haha, ha-HA…
*gasp*
…ha-HAAAA-HAAAha-haaaaaaaa…
Is it fair to simply show their photos? As conservative men, surely their hawtness is measured in terms of a complex formula that considers their annual income, the fervor with which they've fellated Grover Norquist, and the number of times they've invoked Reagan in their blogs?
Yes, but those matters should only be discussed in a quiet room, far from the unwashed masses.
DZ:
No, it's not fair to show their photos. People on the Internets don't show actual photos of themselves. That's kinda the whole idea. Isn't it?
I am guessing most of these guys would rather be judging 15 yo boys.
I see the frat boy constituency is well represented.
Same for the fart boy constituency.
No, frat guys generally seem to be into playing sports and stuff, don't they? The only event any of these guys are winning is a pie-eating contest.
Dustin Stockton and especially Erik Telford look like the type who'd say "My dad owns a dealership" all too often, though.
"My dad's an important guy. He owns 2 dealerships on the Motor Mile."
An actual statement I've overheard someone say in real life.
If this is referencing what I think it's referencing, can we send these assholes to the moon then?
Lard ass! Lard ass! Lard ass! Lard ass!
Chow Down, Wide Load!
Well, frat guys do play sports, but they are also the ones that seem to balloon in weight as soon as they leave college (and often before).
The best reason to go to a reunion.
…or join Facebook.
"balloon in weight as soon as they leave college (and often before)."
Alcohol has got lots of calories. Lots of alcohol has got lots and lots of calories.
At least Neidermeyer was attractive.
If this is part of your master plan to turn straight guys gay…you lose.
Only if the plan was intended to include the menfolk. We wommenz, on the other hand, are wondering how fluid our sexual orientation might be after all after seeing these photos…
Those conservative women must be feeling so sexy right about now.
I love you, Wonkette.
+1,000
Nesnora:
So, does that look like the police lineup after your date with the Libertarian?
Almost. Same feathered hair-bangs, same… roundish…ness…
Mine had just a bit more hairspray, fake tanner and a crazy glint in his eye…
May the jury please hand over the verdict?
(opens folded paper)
Guilty as charged!
Nesnora: Call me old fashioned, but I have one word of dating advice.
"Lunch."
Lunch is the best first date. It has a beginning and an end. Home run or swing and a miss – it's only an hour or so.
Even at it the worst you'll still get to eat lunch, which you're probably gonna be doing anyway.
From the gentleman's perspective, you can keep a lid on the tab. Nothing like going to a bar on the first date and the young lady orders a Baileys' Cream with a Grand Marnier float.
There is even a website for it http://www.itsjustlunch.com/
I do agree with TG. Lunch is the best way to deal with blind dates.
Meeting for coffee works, too.
It's cheap, it's casual, it's in an open public location in case your date is a serial killer, and it's easy for almost everybody in the world to find a nearby Starbuck's (or other coffee shop).
Except for the meth biker, every last one of these specimens–in their youth– must have had their cut by Mitt Romney & Sons.
wut cut
foreskin?
I was thinking the Cerebral Cortex myself.
1. Isaac Asimov's cousin's nephew
2. Not-yet-convicted pedophile
3. John Candy in Cool Runnings
4. Skesis!
5. John Candy on the cover of Tiger Beat
6. A leering mound of ham-flavored taffy
7. Amercia's vagrant philosopher king
#2, Tom DeLay in glasses.
#3 – Great call!
No. 7 hah! He looks a bit like too stereotypical, doesn't he? Looks like that picture was snapped of him in action at his bomb shelter while he was pondering over which cheap wine to soak in while reading his well-used copy of the "Turner Diaries", doesn't he? What's up with Ali Akhbar there? I know muslim fundies become terrorists over remaining as virgins for FAR TOO long but he looks like he's not even trying to get laid.
"he looks like he's not even trying to get laid."
If you were existing on 200 calories a day, you wouldn't have much libido, either.
I am extremely jealous of these artfully selected words: "A leering mound of ham-flavored taffy."
Not least because anyone who invents *actual* ham-flavored taffy will become a billionaire and win the Nobel Prize.
Well at least Lee had the common courtesy to send you a glam shot taken at the studio in the back of his trailer home, or wherever that is (Arby's?).
Smug is not hawt! Warez my refund?!
Voodoo Hot-onomics, you mean?
Geeze — that looks like a random sampling of people in the Los Angeles Greyhound station.
funny how they're all in the mens room
They're so hot, you guys. Just look at them. Don't you want to fornicate madly, just from the pictures?
I laughed out loud when I saw this post. BEST!
Ali Akbar is a conservative? Betcha he gets profiled at every meeting.
Shhhh… Don't tell Pamela Geller.
Yes- he especially likes the strip search part…
Really? I'd have thought it'd be the body-cavity search…
Well, yes, but then the others get jealous & start complaining about reverse discrimination…
Poor misunderstood conserva-dorks. If only Hollywood realized this "Right-Makes-Might"* geek appeal is the missing ingredient that could make The Bachelor
a tadinfinitely more interesting.*or something
Good lord! No wonder these guys have to pay for it!
I hope the hookers all have disability insurance–they may not be able to continue in their profession if they get one of these guys as a client…
*motions Antispandex over*
*lowers voice*
It's actually a bit of a scam, because the girls would be willing to whip and beat those guys for free.
Stockton and Telford–definitely a unit.
Is it just me or does Lee Stranahan look like man who owns a very large collection of amateur porn?
Most of it stars him masturbating. Alone.
Actually, he shoots and sells his own amateur porn. NO JOKE. See here. (NTSF) http://img837.imageshack.us/img837/324/deviantlee…
I don't care what you say, I am NOT clicking on that link!
my eyessssssssssssssssss!
This is me registering absolutely no surprise.
so we're looking at the actual guys who listed their favorite fap targets?
Penis wept.
Oh, I say. Well done!
Not yet.
Mmmmmight wanna get that checked out…
Ana's the one with balls.
Hahaha, you KNOW Lee Stranahan lives in a trailer with a bunch of dead cars scattered around, which he calls "the compound". Also probs lights fires in people's mailboxes (the mail is SOCIALIST!)
Huh, looking at these men you'd think they'd be in no position to judge . . .
Why is Lewis Black the first guy on this list?!
Being a self-parody isn't the same thing as being intentionally funny.
I'm not gay. But now, I'll never even be curious.
Ana Marie Cox knows Big Al Anderson circa 1970? Well, la de da!
All these men look like they wear toddler boys as feed bags.
That includes John Hawkins even though I'm a huuuuuuge John Candy fan.
Jeff Gannon. Where in the hell is Jeff Gannon? The list starts…and ends right there with that magic name.
If that even IS his magic name…
To cleanse the visual palette: BABY KITTENS! BABY KITTENS! BABY KITTENS!
Bless you!
Thank you. After that, my visual palette needs a cleansing.
Ann Coulter is in the list for hottest WOMEN, and then he doesn't make the list for hottest MEN. Something doesn't smell right.
The size of the Coulter member is off-putting for conservative women.
That would be Ann Coulter's cooter that doesn't smell right, because it's a dick.
one should never use the words ' ann coulter ' and ' smell ' in the same sentence . but he should have made this list anyway …
Something doesn't smell right because Summer's Eve does not work on penis.
Coulter.
If you haven't seen Crowder … let's just say he reeks of "Pocketful of roofies"
I have never clicked on READ MORE with quite so much trepidation.
you knew better . i knew better . we all knew better …
Then we click on READ MORE and it doesn't get better.
Attention Tampa hookers: memorize these faces, in a few months they will be seeking your services.
Raquel, did you try doing a Google image search for "Steven Crowder"?
[Fuck you, IntenseDebate. Fuck you right in the code.
ADDING: What tbogg said ^^^ times Axe.]
So many big fat white heads.
That explains why they don't like to be hugged.
Needz moar zombie Breitbart.
C.mon ladeeeeeees. Use your imagination.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h8CMNv-IlU&fe…
Onan List to rule them all, Onan List to find them,
Onan List to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Chronic Masturbatia where the Kleenx lie.
Is Arnaud de Borchgrave too intellectual for 'em? http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AX7dM1Etnr4/T9suEGG40vI…
And these fuckers wonder why stories about the "War on Women" persist.
Here's Steven Crowder. He's the lead "rapper" in this video. BONUS: it features No. 1 conservative hottie Dana Loesch as a skunk (the 2nd "rapper" is her overgrown frat boy husband, Chris)
Among his fellow 'judges', Crowder is like if you mixed Brad Pitt and like, Johnny Depp and then like totally added some Robert Pattinson. Soooooo hawt, you guys!
http://hotair.com/archives/2012/02/11/video-crowd…
Wow, the kids are gonna love that!
Wait, that last guy looks like some dude I met in the Port Authority.
Also. i did not know that Sweet Ana Marie knew John Candy when he was 16.
I. & John Candy.
Still my favorite movie clip of his:
http://www.johncandy.com/VideoDetail.aspx?VideoID…
Screw the movies. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3aNm-b-8Xw
The GOP: Boobs and Moobs.
Indeed.
How many of these guys fap to a picture of Ayn Rand with Lindsey Graham's head super-imposed on her shoulders daily?
they are virtually identical as it is , yet one of them is dead . can't remember which is which …
All of them, Katie?
Dude, Stranahan looks just like Frank Sobotka!
Rebecca your large funbags keep me from getting angry about A) Wonkette not stopping in Portland in spite of the super gay police and ample supplies of weed and B) you leaving Beckers, Limpballs and Hannitized for rent boys protection off this list. Every one of those turds blog, allegedly….so, like I said large funbags= no anger. Let this be a lesson to you all!
Let me peel my moistened love-ditch off the computer screen
eww yuck . ahahahahahahahahahaha
No no, the slash fanfic forum is that-a-way.
Lizzie, you are my new feminist role-model!
Thanks so very much!
Best use of eighteen letters and a hyphen EVAR.
That hyphen was a keeper.
Here's hoping it was worth it! Now clean off the screen.
Am I the only one who read Quin Hitler instead of Quin Hillyer?
you are not alone
I'm gonna go with bachelor #4 (they are all bachelors, no?), the blah. Always good to have blah in the mix, and once you go blah, you neva go bah.
And all of them have a sticky picture of S.E. Cupp in their bed side drawer.
I love you Rebecca!
they have forgotten diaper vitter ….
What if it's pudgy white dudes all the way down?
I'm surprised they didn't ask Cal Thomas…oh wait, no I'm not. Had they asked him, he would have cried out at the way the men were treating the fairer sex and then drive away in his Duryea motor car.
Anyone want to place bets on the collective number of actual human females this bunch of nitwits has ever had sex with? I'm putting it at 1 and taking the under.
Meet the racist on-line gamers.
Yikes! I got her mixed up with those crazies at Smart Girl Politics!
Ana, please please forgive me…deleting the errant post now…
Wow…Ugly on the outside AND on the inside.
Looks more like a Chaz Bono look-a-like contest to me.
What was that website that consisted almost entirely of dudes constantly showing webcam vids of their penises? I am reminded of that for some reason.
Headstate.com ?
Little Green Balls?
Something is definitely wrong when Anna Marie has the smallest set of ta-tas in the group.
True, but what's there is cherce.
They all look really…uh…smart.
Hey seriously, if you need biker meth, I'm right here. You can't trust that guy.
I'll be in my bunk.
The only one there who didn't set off my Pod-Person alarm was Stranahan, and only because he's giving off some strong Unabomber vibes…
Gain a bunch of weight, stop masturbating, get a bad haircut, a bad shirt, practice your goofy, guilty grin and bang, just like that, you're on some sort of Republican panel!
Like a lot of conferences I attend. There must be a factory somewhere stamping out replicas.
How can you have a list of Repuke male hotness without including Jonah "the Whale" Goldberg.? Come on, Wonkette. You're really falling off your game.
http://wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/jo…
Wow that's a tough group to play Fuck, Marry or Kill about.
Is there such a game as Kill, Kill, or Kill?
Mr. Universe – troll division.
Thank you, Wonkette. FYI, the AARP magazine has pics of 20 hottest guys over 50, and they are so much more hawtest! George Clooney, Viggo, and some non-movie stars too. I'd include the link by my office has blocked the page. That's how hot they are, those old guys!
"Anna Marie Cox"
Assfucking?
These specimens, with the possible exception of Stranahan, could not survive in the wild. I'm guessing they subsist on wingnut welfare or mommy's dime. And mating opportunities sans roofies = nonexistent.
oh Gawd, there's not enough brain bleach in the world to erase those images. Curse you, Wonkette!
Jonah Goldberg is not in this august company? I call shenanigans.
tessiee:
That certainly can work. But it lacks the finite end that lunch automatically includes.
Hey – say things are going great. It will only make the second date that much better if things ended too soon on the first one.
Starbucks, bars, pubs, etc. are ok but lunch has the all-important exit strategy.
Besides – there's never been a Walk of Shame from lunch.
Well, almost never. Unless they met at the hot tubs for a Nooner…
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