With a little love in his heartMichael “The Other One” Reagan has an eloquent column out today in “The Cagle Post” and it is so thoughtful and wise! Basically, Barack Nobama is Jerry Sandusky, child-raping Latinos, by changing immigration enforcement priorities for DHS and ICE.

Let’s see: blah blah blah “Emperor Obama, Constitution, minions, bureaucrats, swatting pesky flies, Stalin-times-Idi Amin” … yes. Here it is:

Now he’s doing to Latinos what Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky allegedly did to the children of Pennsylvania — using and abusing them. With his short-sighted politicking, Emperor Obama has hurt the Latino cause in the long run.

Got it, Barack Obama is (ALLEGEDLY!) raping children in their bottoms, by letting them stay in the homes they grew up in so long as they are the world’s best children, have never ever ever been in trouble, and go to either the military or college. You can see how that is totally the same thing!

Your Editrix once watched Michael Reagan keynote an Eagle Forum dinner, and the whole time he just told sad-sack stories about how his parents liked the other kids better because of how he (Michael) was adopted. It was mildly discomfiting! There he was, a grown man in his 40s probably, dining out on the cold-heartedness of his sainted (adopted) father and (adopted) stepmother.

And now national treasure Michael Reagan will continue getting wingnut welfare forever, thanks to the name of the parents he totally hates. [Cagle, via MediaMatters]

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  • So America is a pedophile, huh?

    Ladies and gentlemen, the Reagans!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Worst Ed Sullivan act ever.

    • Not_So_Much

      assfucking assfucking blah blah….The Aristocrats!

      • I was hoping I wouldn't have to amend my post to make it sledgehammer clear where I was headed. Thank you for restoring my faith in Wonketeery!

  • chascates

    Ronnie at Mike's graduation: "My name's Reagan. What's yours?"
    Adopted son Michael: "I'm Mike, your son."

    That never gets old!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      And you can't convince me that was because of early Alzheimer's.

      • chascates

        Ron Junior said on his 21st birthday his dad gave him a $100 bill. Pretty classy dad!

        • DahBoner

          Ah. The "good ole days", when BJ's were $20 each, re: CIA Crack Ho's…

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    The fact that Ronald Reagan's natural born son, Ronald Reagan Jr., is a ballet loving liberal is one of god's greatest gifts to man.

    • chascates

      And Patti Davis was pro-choice, pro-gay rights, anti-nuke, and lived with her boyfriend!

      • Dr. Nick Riviera

        Republicans don't care what females have to say, even if they are derived from the loins of our St. Ronnie. But if Ron Jr. was a conservative, he'd be king of America right now.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        And posed nekkid!

  • MissTaken

    The GOP tries to rape my vagina with ultrasound sticks on a daily basis, so maybe being in America is like being in a shower with Sandusky after all?

    • Major Thom

      Jerry is probably not attracted to your vagina. That's not to say that your vagina is not attractive, you know what I mean.

      • PsycWench

        Well, gosh, the GOP isn't ATTRACTED to vaginas, they're just protecting traditional pregnancy. Get your story straight.
        I'm sure MissTaken has a perfectly lovely vagina, myself.

    • SorosBot

      But silly, you're just a woman, not a real person with rights!

      • Were the Founding Fathers so flawed in their political reckonings that they manhandled women's rights?

  • bumfug

    "My sister got to fuck rock stars and all I got was this lousy 'Morning In America' t-shirt!"

  • nounverb911

    I always thought Reagan's other son was Bonzo the chimp.

    • MissTaken

      Nah, Bonzo was his second wife.

      • nounverb911

        Reagan married a trans-gendered chimp?

        • Guppy

          Who didn't give blow jobs as good as Nancy.

          • widestanceromance

            I don't think I'm cool with believing she had superior Frenching skills.

            Look at her. No one could look like that if they even once in their life had some good cock. Even once. No one.

        • Fare la Volpe

          He saw Planet of the Apes and thought it was a documentary.

          • Generation[redacted]

            And those darn apes wouldn't have taken over if it wasn't for gun control.

        • MissTaken

          How else can you explain what Nancy looked like?

          • Katydid

            Her damn head's too damn big.

  • Add Latinos to the list of people who vote for Democrats because they're just not smart enough to appreciate Republican "tough love".

  • SexySmurf

    I'm guessing you're not allowed to talk about “The Cagle Post” in the Michigan House.

  • veritass

    I love this controversy. GOP: "We really want to reform immigration laws, but since the President decided to stop deporting young immigrants because we won't actually reform immigration laws and block all attempts to do so, we will never reform immigration laws and it's all his fault."

    They must be miserable trying to make this work. I'm schadenfreude-ing like crazy.

  • MissTaken

    Someone haz a sad about missing out on the ballet classes and Playboy spreads.

  • freakishlywrong

    So Bamz is showering with and raping Hispanics? Wait, what?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Take out the rape and you found the subject of my next porno script.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Obama is just showing them how to shower, duh.

    • Fare la Volpe

      The intricacies are so difficult.

  • OkieDokieDog

    It's quite obvious how Micheal Reagan would find a correlation between Sandusky & Obama. Something something JEBUS HITLER MUSLIN COMMIE BLACK SOCIALISM! See? Makes perfect sense.

  • noodlesalad

    Pedobear haz a confuzed.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I was sexually abused as a small child. The hurt never EVER goes away. For all my brothers and sisters, Fuck You Michael Reagan, Fuck the Pedophillic Church of the Vatican, and Fuck Anyone who would make such an outrageous comment. Forever.

    • 1 in 6, my friend. Totally agree.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Hugs to you, EBD.

    • (Hugs you) I'm so sorry. And the pain never ever goes away, and sometimes creeps up on you when you're minding your own business.

      Fuck those bastids sideways with rusty tools.

    • rickmaci

      Thanks for putting a real perspective out there to call him and his ilk on their bull shit rhetoric. Fuck every one of them to hottest fires of hell.

      I hope yours is now a life full of kindness.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    The total contrast in prickishness btwn to the two Reagan sons makes me want to enroll my kids in ballet class pronto.

  • edgydrifter

    Unless the long-term "Latino cause" is to be kept in a twilight zone where they're open to exploitation by smugglers, landlords, loansharks and employers–especially employers–and have no hope of recourse because of a legal framework that treats their very existence as a crime, then I really don't see how conservatives have been helping the cause nor how Obama's executive order has hurt it.

    • sullivanst

      Oh you silly liberal with your biased "facts" and "reality".

  • Texan_Bulldog

    The only thing I really remember from the Ronnie funeral circus was that Nancy was able to lift her head from grieving (between Patti & Ronnie Jr.) by Ronnie's casket and give Michael a glare that should have incinerated him when he had the audacity to tap her on the shoulder. If he had to deal with that all his life, I guess you can't blame him for being a little screwed up but, boy, it sure was funny.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I didn't see that! Totally wish I had, though. She's such a Lannister/Stark (?).

      • CthuNHu

        Superannuated Cersei Baratheon (née Lannister). No Stark whatsoever.

    • i_AM_ready

      Yes I saw this too. It was hilarious. The other thing Nancy and St. Ronnie did was build a huge house that, whoops, only had 3 bedrooms, so when Michael came home from military school for the holidays, he had to sleep on a sofa.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Musta been pretty shitty being the What's-His-Name Reagan.

  • IncenseDebate

    I thought the kegel post was some kind of vagina yoga.

    • Beowoof

      There to squeeze undesired republican love from the vagina of America.

      • MosesInvests

        Republican "love" has nothing to do with vaginas.

    • cheetojeebus

      I think more like vagina Greco Roman Wrestling.

  • Let's get Mikey! He won't eat it! He hates everything!

    • Beowoof

      Mikey eats it all right, lightly salted rat dicks would the it he eats.

  • SorosBot

    So after eight years of Bush blatantly violating the Constitution and ignoring the law in ordering torture and endless imprisonment without trial, Obama is somehow acting like an emperor by legal use of his executive authority to do things Republicans don't like like protect the rights of women and minorities. That makes the kind of sense that's not.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Just as Adolph Hitler knowingly misled the German people to further his own ends, so too Michael Reagan misleads his readers, hurting the Conservative cause.

    It's so obscenely easy to crap out sentences like this.

    • anniegetyerfun

      In the same way that Adolf Hitler directly orchestrated the deaths of millions upon millions of Jews, Catholics, Roma, and gays, Michael Reagan is leading subtle metaphors straight into the gas chambers.

      • lulzmonger

        Just as Adolf Hitler invaded peaceful nations to further his megalomaniacal dreams of a global empire, Michael Reagan invades the peaceful realm of rhetoric & leaves only metaphorical scorched earth in his wake.

  • scvirginia

    Heheh… Dood lost hiz space helmet.

  • ChrisM2011

    So he's saying that they're more likely to be raped if they stay in America?


  • coolhandnuke

    From Wikipedia:
    According to Nancy Reagan in her memoirs published in 1989, Reagan disclosed to his parents in 1987 a very painful incident in his boyhood that he had kept secret for many years. "At the age of 8, he had been sexually molested by a camp counselor, who had also taken nude pictures of him…. Poor Mike had spent his whole life racked with guilt and in constant fear that these pictures would someday surface in a way that might embarrass him and, especially, his adoptive father."[10] Speaking at the opening of the Michael Reagan Center in Spring, Texas, October 7, 2005, Michael said, "At 8 years old, I thought I was going to hell." Michael said the experience drastically changed him: "I cussed God and his Son. I wanted to do anything I could to earn my way into hell." Michael said he was horrified that the pictures would be made public and ruin the lives of his family

    • Guppy

      That makes it totally OK for him to spew such caustic hyperbole, then!

    • Y'know, I understand why a boy would keep that secret, but why would he reveal it in 1987? I mean, his father was nearly fucking out of office and out of his mind. Who'd care after that? If anything, a public revelation, a la Tipper's confessions about struggling with depression, would have started a national dialogue that one in six little boys is sexually abused.

      • coolhandnuke

        Based on the acrimony and dysfunction in the Reagan family, it might add up for Michael to spill his secret in 1983 to get back at his parents and sabotage the election–in his megalomaniacal mind.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I never judge a rape victim for the ways in which they try to heal.

      All I can say is if Michael could muster up enough bile in his venom sac to equate a politician's actions with what Sandusky did, especially when he knows first hand what that pain really feels like, then he truly has no heart.

      • coolhandnuke

        Well stated. Broken down to simple terms, the hate and self-loathing that resides in many conservatives is just too powerful and all-encompassing and it just has to be let out.

  • Sassomatic

    We must deport them in order not to sodomize them. Or, we could just keep them away from Republicans.

  • sullivanst

    Well, to be fair to Michael, he enjoyed it when it happened to him.

    • kingofmeh

      the original comment was appalling, but that doesn't make this kind of comment okay.


  • CapnRadio


  • Tommmcattt

    Pedobear is looking pretty haggard lately.

  • Not_So_Much

    I don't know how that analogy could be any more spot on. The Wingers are really good at this whole civil discourse thingy.

    • Generation[redacted]


      That's the only Presidential debate that Mittens will agree to this year.

  • Chichikovovich

    With his short-sighted politicking, Emperor Obama has hurt the Latino cause in the long run.

    And how is that supposed to work, exactly?

    Senator Marco Rubio had put forth an immigration plan that sought a long-term solution, but now it’s been shelved

    Oh, yes – the same desperate claim that every other Republican is making. The Rubio plan, which would probably not even get Rubio's vote if it were to come to the floor. That's somehow been headed off.

    OK, GOPers: here's your chance to catch Emperor Usurper Hussein Obama totally unprepared: Pass the Rubio plan! Don't shelve it! You can do it – won't the Democratic Party look silly then.

    The GOP has admitted that they drafts and propose legislation, and gets their mouthpieces to promote it and GOPers even run for president (Dole) on it, with no intention of actually passing it, and every intention of opposing it if the opposition proposes something similar. (Affordable Health Care Act).

    The Rubio plan. OK, then pass it! Show that Obama you won't be fooled. And until then, shut up.

    Edit: And by "(Affordable Health Care Act)" I mean of course the system more popularly known as "Romneycare".

    • sullivanst

      Actually implementing policy changes that benefit the nation => "politicking"

      Talking about stuff you have no intention of ever doing, in the hope it'll con low info voters into voting for Republicans => "responsible governance"

      Welcome to the Ministry of Truth, my friend.

  • HogeyeGrex

    I read this and see the "Son, I am disappoint" pic, but with Ronnie.

  • elviouslyqueer

    the whole time he just told sad-sack stories about how his parents liked the other kids better because of how he (Michael) was adopted.

    Wah wah wah wah wah.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    And where's the vagina lady-parts talk in this post?

  • Biff

    I hate Michael's parents too, so there's that.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Dear Mr. Reagan,

    Apply chainsaw directly to asshole.
    Apply chainsaw directly to asshole.
    Apply chainsaw directly to asshole.
    Apply chainsaw directly to asshole.


  • Antispandex

    " Now he’s doing to Latinos what Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky allegedly did to the children of Pennsylvania — using and abusing them. "

    Doesn't this vilolate the commenting policy here at Wonkette? Editrix? We need an opinion.

  • Estproph

    "Now he’s doing to Latinos what Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky allegedly did to the children of Pennsylvania — using and … abusing …

    DADDY! Why didn't you love me?!?"

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    The best part about Michael Reagan's show, is that it's a three-hour circle jerk of his father. Nothing on this program is about Michael, ever… which means his very media existence is hollow and empty.

    • Generation[redacted]

      I've never heard the show. Do people call in and tell him what a great man his father was, and how lucky he was to have such a great man for a father?

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        It is exactly that. There is nothing but hero worship. "Thanks for taking my call, and your father was the best Amercian ever."

  • Now he’s doing to Latinos what Sandusky allegedly did to the children of Pennsylvania — using and abusing them.

    Your own fetish for overworked hyperbole has grown weary of your molesting of it, Reagan-skank. Give it a rest. This aggrandizing on the backs of real victims has me stifling a bile-flecked invective in your direction but you're not worth the gall it took you to cross-reference something so insipidly.
    Opus, hand me one of those dandelions?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I desperately hope the Pope doesn't come up with anything more horrendous than child rape — after being skullfucked by Michael Reagan's horrifically inappropriate metaphor I'd prefer not to have to countenance whatever the Republicans are going to use to describe the next action they disapprove of.

    • anniegetyerfun

      You'd think that they finally scratched the bottom… of the barrel. But probably not.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "But everyone I talk to and every commentator I see on Fox News tells me they don't like it! I has a confuzed!"

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    You know, by using Michael’s brand of logic you could accuse Romney of all kinds of nasty things but I have a brain that works most of time so I find myself incapable ( or too lazy) to respond with equivalent irrational leaps of crap.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Michael Reagan is the Lesser Baldwin of American politics. Famous only because of his last name.

  • mavenmaven

    If Obama helping kids of Latin heritage is Sandusky, then what Romney wants to do for rich folks makes him Jeffrey Dahmer?

  • Oh for fuck's sake.

  • "I'm the older brother, and I was stepped over! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I'm smart and I want respect!"

  • lulzmonger

    Hyperbole spill in Aisle Five!
    Time to check someone's attic for mysterious collections of tiny shoes*.
    * (h/t Bill Hicks)

  • The connection is that they are both dusky.

  • ttommyunger

    H. W. and Dubya. Saint Ronnie and Mike. Crushing disappointment, separation, anyone?

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