URGENT MATTERS  3:10 pm June 21, 2012

Right Wing News Ends War On Women With Peaceful List of Hottest Conservative Women in Media

by Liz Colville

hot in herrrre

The point of women is to stand tall, butt pointing just so (say, eastward), bosom pointing just the opposite so (westward). The point of conservative women in the media is to do this, plus tell conservative men everywhere what they obviously already know, and invented, like that Obama is a Kenyan spy, but which they like to sometimes hear said in a soft voice, and preferably in plain sight, with the aforementioned assets pointing also, if the women can manage it, not only in opposite directions but toward the sky. So with that in mind, Right Wing News has released its fourth annual list of “The 20 Hottest Conservative Women in Media,” and each candidate in this competitive list has been allotted two pictures. One shows us the woman’s candid side: hanging with friends at the bar, attending a conference for important people. For the other shots the Right Wing News staff used glamour shots WHENEVER POSSIBLE, which preferably included some T&A. Strangely, there seem to be more T&A as we make our way through the list from number 20 to number 1…

Number 20 is of course a woman of color, because god forbid blogger Kira Davis be considered anything other than last place. However, RWN was generous enough to put Michelle Malkin at number 3. Or else they were just afraid for their lives.

So in case anyone looking at this list reacts with the kind words, “Wow, I didn’t know there were even 20 women in the media,” do not click through expecting to see even so much as a paragraph, let alone a one-sentence blurb, telling us what any of these women actually does, or how they got started, or who did their boobs, because there is none of that. There are just pictures. Beautiful, beautiful pictures. Select ranking information:

2. Katie Pavlich from Town Hall, because her highlights are just prettier than 6. April Gregory of Misfit Politics.

6. April Gregory of Misfit Politics, because she is just ONE OF THE GUYS! We need one of those on every list:

YO!

7. Monica Crowley of Monica Memo. Monica has so much potential. Potential to be number one even, but there is only one picture of her WMD-capable ladyparts, and so she is just at number 7 for now.

4. Sarah Palin. Three words for you: RED SILK BLOUSE. Also Palin has MOVED ON UP! Last year she was only ranked at number 9. How quickly things can change in the media.

17. Jenny Erickson, blogger. BECAUSE SHE IS INTO GUNZ.

14. Kristina Ribali because she looks like a DISNEY ANIME DREAM BOT and is also a MOM! Which is huge:

yes.

8. Mary Katharine Ham from the Weekly Standard, because she kinda looks like Megan from Mad Men! Not that any of us watch that! That blasphemous nostalgic liberal wet dream!

always up for some fun

And finally, we are ready for number one. She has been a major player this year. Her hair always looks real nice. She is true to the pale skin shade that God gave her. And she’s got a mouth on er! Your hottest woman in conservative media 2012 is…

The contemplative…
The sassy…
The ball-busting…
The thinking…
The talking…
The oh-so-pretty…

DANA LOESCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111dwerasssgggssssdfff

WINNER! WINNER! WINNER!


[Right Wing News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 256 comments }

DrunkIrishman June 21, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Ann Coulter is so hot that her and I both get an erection.

DrunkenPalmetto June 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

She used to date a muslim guy. She didn't laugh when I asked her if she recreated abu gharib in their bed together.

GunToting[Redacted] June 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Grammatically, shouldn't that be "she and I?" Or rather, "he and I?"

Antispandex June 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Still,I hear we are not likely to know the results of the erection until November.

Extemporanus June 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

FAP FAP SOB

PuckStopsHere June 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

What, they couldn't find a picture of Victoria Jackson?

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Or Lindsey in her clothes?

Schmannnity June 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Needs a wide angle lens.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

She ate them all.

Butch_Wagstaff June 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Nothing says HAWT like a scrunchie.

nounverb911 June 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Where's Miss South Carolina, too, also?

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Everywhere, like such as.

HippieEsq June 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I wouldn't screw any of these women even if I was using Rush Limbaugh's prick.

OzoneTom June 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I would but I would hate myself afterwards.

Then rinse and repeat.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Think you could find it for him?

Tundra Grifter June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

You'd need a bookmark the size of a yardstick.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Neither would he if the pharmacy is closed.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

And even if it were open, only if there were no Dominican boys available.

Schmannnity June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Top 20 Conservative Grudge Fucks

HippieEsq June 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

they need to make poison condoms for such events….

MittBorg June 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

He has one?

HippieEsq June 21, 2012 at 4:04 pm

He IS one, so…

rmjagg June 21, 2012 at 6:23 pm

or rush limbaugh , period . head first

hippie13 June 22, 2012 at 6:20 am

Thats because Rush only gets hard around little dominican boys.

Arken June 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I see they put the blah lady at the back of the list, sort of like the part of the bus they want her to be on.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

How are they gonna get page views with blah ladies? Blah men with large endowments–oh, yeah, that meter is spinning!

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I could almost forgive DANA LOESCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for being conservative.

Oh, who am I kidding. I'd sleep with most of them except for that scary looking one in the middle of the post with curly hair and CRAZY eyes.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Really? She's about the only one I'd think of screwing. But then I dig crazy chicks.

Pity she has no lips.

chicken_thief June 21, 2012 at 3:47 pm

She the one dry humping the wall?

mrpuma2u June 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Not sleep, but rather grudge f&ck and then make up some crazy excuse to GTFO before they figure out you are a lieberal incubus bastard. You lay down and sleep next to this kinda crazy and you are taking a serious health risk.

sharethegrief June 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Bunny rabbit boiling in a pot crazy.

Omophagist June 21, 2012 at 5:03 pm

That's how you can tell this list is a joke. No real conservative would pick a woman so jewey looking, it's almost as unamerican as being a jew.

mrpuma2u June 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

These are all the kinds of people that would not have acknowledged my existence in high school.

Katydid June 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

They still won't, you Commie libtard Marxist prick.

Biff June 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm

To be fair, the pretty and left-leaning ones ignore(d)) me, too.

mrpuma2u June 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

You had left leaning attractive people in your high school?!?!?!? I should have been so lucky. I didn't have any of that action in my rust belt mid-west small city.

Limeylizzie June 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I went to an all-girls High School I would have fucked any one of you Wonketteers.

PsycWench June 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

They remind me of the kind of people that wouldn't have acknowledged my existence in high school because they were cool and I was a geek; now they wouldn't acknowledge my existence because they went downhill rapidly after high school whereas I became moderately hot.
These women probably had Spray-Mount Fixative applied at the senior prom.

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Is that before or after they dropped their bundle of joy off at the dumpster?

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

These are all the kinds of people whose existence I would have denied in high school.

nounverb911 June 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Michelle Malkin's Merikkkan? I thought she got smuggled in from the Philippines.

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

or Hell.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Not CocaCola. Rice.

(yeah, yeah, I know, Vietnam not Philippines, but eff it)

GunToting[Redacted] June 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Joe Strummer libel!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Her anchor is roots are deep in American soil.

SoBeach June 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I'd just like to point out that I'm about to google "Dana Loesch" because I've never heard that name in my life.

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I have, but totally assumed it was a guy.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:47 pm

It's an easy mistake to make. Probably she hears that all the time.

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I'll try to save you the trouble:
http://wonkette.com/464197/breitbart-shill-wonder

SoBeach June 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Oh. Her. Now I remember. What a nice lady.

DerrickWildcat June 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Gross.

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

No.

Callyson June 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

And the list of the 20 Hottest Conservative Men will come out when…

…oh, right, never…

bikerlaureate June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Right after the list of the 20 Coldest Women, etc.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Maybe 20 hottest as in unable to sweat because of the bacon grease clogging their sweat glands.

Baconzgood June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Did some one say bacon?

GhostBuggy June 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

<STUDIO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE>

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm

The 20 Fattest Conservative Men list would take years to whittle down.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Pfft, like the 20 Hottest Conservative Men would ever actually come out.

Wait, what were we talking about again?

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Aaron Schock, derp.

jodyleek June 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Oh god, I love that picture! I mean, an aqua belt?!? Does he have belts in all the colors of the rainbow in his closet?

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Well played, EQ.

chicken_thief June 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Didn't the Young Guns sort of cover that? I mean, there was only three or four of them, but Marcus gave it a 5 Star fap rating.

Shypixel June 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I seriously want to know who thinks Ann Coulter is hot….

I have seen drag queens that were far hotter.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

For a man she's kinda hot … ?

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Too scrawny. If I'm going to spend quality time with a shemale, I want someone whose kneecap isn't in danger of disemboweling me during the more rigorous parts of sexual frolicking.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Ann will never forget losing the Pride contest down in Key West.

PsycWench June 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

An SNL skit once described her as a "kneecap with hair". I cannot top that.

seans_reading June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

My theory has been, and continues to be, that Ann Coulter was in the drag scene in San Francisco in the 80s, and this whole thing started as a prank that just got way, WAY out of hand.

DerrickWildcat June 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Not enough booze in the world.

vulpes82 June 21, 2012 at 4:28 pm

It's the dominatrix thing. The conservative male is a bad, baaaad boy who needs to be harangued and beaten, and there aren't quite enough rentboys around to do it.

rmjagg June 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

coulter is 3rd rate drag , and he knows it

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I do not understand how any of these wimminz can appeal to the base if they are never shown making sammiches?

hippie13 June 22, 2012 at 6:20 am

They all seem to have shoes as well.

Buzz Feedback June 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I'm going to need Mary Katherine to put on the nun outfit.

Callyson June 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

That right wing "news" site is taking comments. You know what to do…

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Just remember, menfolk (and lesbians); some of those women may be attractive (though certainly not all – I mean, Sarah fuck Palin? Ick), but as conservative women their idea of sex is for them to just lie back and have the man do all the work. Bor-ing.

PsycWench June 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

as conservative women their idea of sex is for them to just lie back and have the desperately fantasizing closeted gay man do all the work.
Fixed.

Dashboard Buddha June 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm

You didn't think that Todd's nickname was the "Jackhammer" because of his work ethic, did you?

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Why would anyone want a partner who lies back and thinks of England? I just don't get it.

It's about as bad as a partner who's completely silent throughout the whole ordeal. I can't make this experience better without some feedback, thank you!

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

It's boring and not very fun; I speak from experience, and it's a big part of why I resolved to never sleep with conservative women again.

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

That's why roofies make no sense at all.

"Yes, I want to use your body as a masturbation tool while you are completely unconscious. Fun for me!"

PsycWench June 21, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I'm confused by that too! and also the fact that men apparently will brag about taking down a woman with roofs…it's tantamount to saying "I'm such a fucking ugly loser that I have to fully anesthetize a woman in order to have sex with her".

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I got roofied at a bar once. Thankfully my roommate was with me to carry me home after I slumped off the barstool after just one beer, which is how she figured out something was terribly wrong. She stayed with me the entire night because I was vomiting while unconscious and she was scared I would choke on my own vomit and die.

Nothing says "let's have sexytime!" more than that!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Your choices are

a) a vapid conservative sexual partner who spouts inanities while actually having sex because they are so sexually misguided and confused, the very thought that "thingie" is going on make them turn into Tourette's sufferers or

b) fucking a corpse.

tbogg June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

SE Cupp's night-on-the-town make-up makes the gays cry.

chicken_thief June 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

SE should be sued for false advertisement – those puppies are B's at best.

kakotechnia June 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Maybe she was going to a "Prom: 1987" themed party.
(Note to self: Put "Prom: 1987" on list of themes for parties)

Omophagist June 21, 2012 at 5:12 pm

In her defense, she has done some great work on cumonmyglasses.com.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Noonan was robbed of her crown once again.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Needz a better dentist.

LetUsBray June 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Speaking of which, where's Oily Taintz?

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Fortunately, she still has her Crown Royal.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Thank you for providing the very reply I would have given myself.

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Kathleen McKinley from Texas Sparkle

Is that the main competition for Sparkle Motion?

Extemporanus June 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Sometimes, I doubt y'all's commitment to Texas Sparkle!

Oblios_Cap June 21, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Princess Sparkle Pony has defected?!?!?

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Barrelhse June 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Sparkle Farkel? Daughter of Frank and Fannie Farkel?

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

My computer gagged when I tried to click the linky. I don't think my computer wants me fapping to those kind of women.

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Your computer is obviously smart.

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:56 pm

They don't call 'em Smart Filters for nothing.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Does anyone else think that forearm with the hand making the 'V for Vagina' signal looks like it was photoshopped in?

ChernobylSoup June 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The first one's a man.
The second one is mannish.
The third one scares me.
The fourth one needs wider Crest Whitestrips.
The fifth one looks pretty until you look her up on Google Images.

DerrickWildcat June 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

No snatch shots? What kind of crap magazine is that?

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

All the classier blogs feature sideboobs these days.

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:45 pm

HuffPo Alert:

SHEER CELEBRITY SIDEBOOB (PHOTOS)

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

*whimper*

Brain bleach, please?

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Jenna Maroney needs to deal with her eye-spiders.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I'm sorry, but all I see is a bunch of bukkake targets and one really skinny drag queen.

BornInATrailer June 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Would have been more impressed with April Gregory photo if she'd done "The Shocker" instead.

Schmannnity June 21, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Next up: the ladies return for the jodhpurs and riding crop competition for all you naughty conservative boys.

Baconzgood June 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Meh. Give me the 20 hawtest Liberals. Those chicks are bi-sexual and on birth control!

ManchuCandidate June 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Definitely not rated on intelligence.

Antispandex June 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

No, that is for sure. Smart is hot, but alot of the good ones are taken, or like Ms. Maddow, not interested in me. Ah, but Ms. Antispandex? Smart, funny, slightly to the left of Che, and…she puts out. I'm a lucky man.

coolhandnuke June 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Where's Phyllis Schlafly?

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

ew

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Phyllis and Dame Peggy Noonington are passed out in a dark parlor together somewhere, after several sustained weeks of gin and tonics spiked with Vicodin. They were not available for comment.

Chill_Bill June 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Rolling in her grave?

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

One foot got caught in the grave.

DerrickWildcat June 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

She was #21. P-e-n-i-s Lady #22. Bay Buchanan #23

Antispandex June 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Nancy Reagan? She's a sharp dresser!

lochnessmonster June 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Where's the other Palin's women folks? Bristol, Willow and Basket?

Estproph June 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

No Phyllis Schlafly? No Marge Schott? No Stacey Pritchard? How are we supposed to take this list seriously?

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Was really hoping for Oily Taintz.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I'm sure they are admired for their minds.

bumfug June 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I wouldn't fuck a damn one of 'em with James O'Keefe's dick.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Right. Like O'Queef's dick has ever gotten near any actual ladybits.*

*And by "actual" I mean "not polyvinyl or molded plastic."

Edith_Prickly June 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I thought they'd all be posed around Jonah Goldberg, feeding him Cheetos and fanning his farts away

Estproph June 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm

April Gregory is so ghetto, yo.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Dana Loesch?

I thought she was a dude.

Oh wait…

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Lemme guess. There are only 23 women in conservative media, and 2 of them are pre-op.

Nesnora June 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Just goes to show that you can't judge a bat-shit-crazy by the lovely lady lumps.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Say, anybody notice a lack of girly-boobs on these dudes?

Baconzgood June 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Why are none of these womenz slobbing my knob while making me a sandwich?

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

They might bite it off yapping.

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 3:41 pm

They are clearly RINOs, or they would know what's good for them.

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

What the hell is happening with those eyes??

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:55 pm

That is the kind of girl who looks at pictures of Ginsu knives for fun.

Tyrannically_Joe June 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm

True story: I was about to make a lazy eye joke, but then I thought better of it.

elburritodeluxe June 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Always with the caveats: "She's hot, I mean for a conservative woman in media."

Tommmcattt June 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

THE WHITENESS! IT BLINDS ME!!!!!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I googled Monica Crowley, mostly because every conservative woman should be Googled in the hopes of some miraculous "Fifty Shades of Grey" reaction being set off and they suddenly see the light, and I realized that Crowley's had more reconstruction done to her than New Orleans after that hurricane.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

And bless her heart, it just ain't a-workin'.

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Since this is obviously an invitation to misogynize…

April Gregory: meh
Kristina Ribali: scary
Mary Katharine Ham: cute
Dana Loesch: too made-up/tightly-wound

Baconzgood June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Is this the best they got?

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Yes, these are the women who are supposed to be off repopulating Amercia with white babies.

Sad, innit?

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Yes, yes it is.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm

One of them looks fourteen. That appeals to a select group of conservative men who aren't into rentboys.

littlebigdaddy June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Wow, they are more liberal than Donald Trump, allowing a tranny to compete!

docteur_giraud June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I was going to comment, "ha ha, I'll bet the judges are the kind of pasty douchetards these Republigals would never date," without any research. Happily, the judges are listed at the link, so I can speak will the authority of one who knows how to use the Google machine and type, "the judges are the kind of pasty douchetards Republican dream girls wouldn't go near."

Except for the one non-white dude, who at least had the decency to post a photo of himself with super-pasty Adirondack Teatard Doug Hoffman to the internets.

crybabyboehner June 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

If Anne Coulter married Buster Nutt, she would be Ms. Buster Nutt.

coolhandnuke June 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

There's a porch manatee in Appalachia that's spitting mad.
Next year Mema…next year.

Rotundo_ June 21, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Damn but that is a great descriptor: Porch Manatee. I bow in the presence of greatness.

coolhandnuke June 21, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Your high praise should fall on the shoulders of a fellow Wonketeer who applied manatee in a Mema post. I was going to go with Ethel Mermaid….but thanks.

Bezoar June 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Needs moar side-boob. Hell, needs any at all. But none from Ann Coulter, that's okay.

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

She'd need actual boobs for that.

barto June 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

These CWILFs really get my motor going – until they open their mouths, that is.

elburritodeluxe June 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I think we all know that Wonkette's Editrix make the hottest list for anywomen in media.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Nobody likes a brownnose, son.

Right, Editrix? Is your coffee fresh? I can top that off for you? Light your cigarette?

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

My work blocks the RWN site (oh darn!) so I have to assume that the always lovely Kathryn Jean Lopez is in the top 5.

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Sadly she didn't make it; which is surprising considering that they put Palin and Coulter in there, showing that their version of "hottest" includes total hags.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

She would be the entire top five, if judged by volume.

Tundra Grifter June 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

#16 is holding a Mannlicher.

(You have to say it out loud or it isn't funny.)

Meanwhile, this is the first published "Top 20" list I've read where the idiots who put it together couldn't correctly number from 20 to 1…

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Munnlischer?

Huh?

Tundra Grifter June 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

At the risk of explaining a joke – manlicker.

barto June 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Is that Dana's "wait a second I feel an original thought coming on, oh crap I lost it" pose?

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

So, any of these available for skull-fucking?

coolhandnuke June 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Dana Skully Loesch gives mad brain.

not that Radio June 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

No. Virginia Foxx did not make the list.

RedneckMuslin June 21, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Looks like photos from my city's animal shelter.

Chill_Bill June 21, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I still find this difficult to masturbate to.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You should expect everything to be difficult to masturbate to for a while. It will pass.

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm

A liter of tequila and approximately 2 hours of Lesbian Spank Inferno porn should help.

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Recommended by Michael Steele!

Billmatic June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

megs is one of the cutest ladies on the planet (no, srsly…), and she's not even on this list. not conservative enough?

i mean NOT that i don't think the list is terrible and exploitative in the first place but i am still a heterosexual male and ranking women based on looks is a hard habit for me to break

and megs mccain is srsly cute as hell

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

She's disqualified, by actually being a woman.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 21, 2012 at 3:54 pm

But she's not rabidly homophobic enough.

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Meg has tits and curves — it ruins conservative men's fantasies when they are constantly reminded their partner is a woman.

Billmatic June 21, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Where did her glorious chunk come from, certainly not momma…

Nesnora June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Hey hey hey let's not go down to their level by placing their value as a woman based on how attractive they are.

After all, they could give a damn about their looks and their success had nothing to do, nothing to do at all with speaking out against their own gender while being a chattering pair of tits agreeing with the menfolk that they should all stay in their place.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I agree. These broads should not be objectified.

Generation[redacted] June 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

There's nothing else to go on. They could have included a short blurb and a collection of their most insightful observations of modern—-ha ahahahahaa, sorry, I couldn't say that with a straight face.

Okay, conservative bloggers. Looks it is.

oedipusrexryan June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oooo, Sippy Cupp!

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Conservative Women: Pretty on the outside, pretty ugly on the inside.

Preferred Customer June 21, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Except for the first part, I agree.

anniegetyerfun June 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Tommmcattt June 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Ugh, the malkin thing. So much for lunch.

iburl June 21, 2012 at 4:01 pm

She's alright, if you like Catfish.

SayItWithWookies June 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I've never heard of Kristina Ribali, but she looks like her mom used to dress her up and make her compete in beauty pageants as a kid and she liked that look so much she stuck with it.

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I've never heard of 70% of them.

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

She just has this air of desperation about her.

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me pretty please look at me look at me LOOK AT ME PLEASE.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Unfortunatly, her brand of crazy looks familiar to me. I think she just needs her meds adjusted.

Blueb4sunrise June 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Jonah Pantload • a few seconds ago

"Why isn't Joe the Plumber on this list?"

Limeylizzie June 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

The comments on RW News are hilarious, especially one from Mr Dana Loesch and the man responding to him.

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I'm amazed a brunette made it on the list.

rickmaci June 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Four comments:

1. Why do they have Mann Coulter's pic in a story about their wimminz?
2. C Cupp look more like a B. (I think this calls for an "all hands" investigation.)
3. What does the Filipina fisherwoman have to do with GOTeaP political wimminz?
4. Why do right wing women all have that batshitcrazyintheeyes look?

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Number 20 is of course a woman of color, because god forbid blogger Kira Davis be considered anything other than last place.

Did you notice there were two #18s? That way no one had to come in next to her.

coolhandnuke June 21, 2012 at 3:59 pm

It's a show of respect by giving her two seats at the back of the wingnut bus.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Right Wing News Ends War On Women With Peaceful List of Hottest Conservative Women in Media

They would have done 21, but they ran out of women.

Generation[redacted] June 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Ann Coulter is on the list. They ran out of women at 19.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I'm sure he blew her way on the list.

Oblios_Cap June 21, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I'd better start warming up my arm. There's a lot of Donkey Punching to be done with that group.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

And at least one cock punch.

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Truly frightening is that second picture of Kelly Maher.

Generation[redacted] June 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

The nice thing about this contest is that they chose not to bother us with any of these women's opinions on anything. It's. Just. Looks.

Personally, I think it's hot when a woman quotes a member of the Algonquin Round Table in the context of a snarky critique of modern times. But I'm not a conservative and have a different idea of what makes women attractive.

smokefilledroommate June 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

They're all conservative, so they probably have the same opinion. About everything.

Eve8Apples June 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Alternative title for the list:

"The Top 20 Vaginas We Would Love to Probe"

MissTaken June 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Remember folks, these are the best pictures they could find. The best!

chicken_thief June 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

NEEDZ MOAR ONE L!!!!!!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Holy fuck! How did I know this post was by John "Porkins" Hawkins????

Who, with his manboobs, ought to consider entering his name in nomination for the list next year.

Panty_Buns June 21, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I'm fighting off a strong urge to vomit. Their ugliness truly is clear to the bone no matter which way they point their whatevers. The idea of wanking while looking at any of them is, is, ewwww! I just have one question. Whose adams apple is bigger, Ann Coulter's or Howard Stern's? I think Howard is probably the hotter of the two.

emmelemm June 21, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Where is Ms. Orly Taitz, Esq. DDS?

Fare la Volpe June 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Bela Abzug puts all these bitches to shame.

coolhandnuke June 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm

As does Spiro T. Agnew.

DemonicRage June 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Somewhere, deep in a Red State, they have to build an adult amusement park, with giant man cave rooms and big, illuminated pictures of these special women, so that Conservative men can come and fap their brains out. Imagine how good it would be for THE ECONOMY!

RavenRant June 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

No K-Lo!?!

bflrtsplk June 21, 2012 at 4:13 pm

They all look so…. anorexic!

Tyrannically_Joe June 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Actually, f you've ever seen Coulter in person, at least, that much is true. All the "Ann Coulter has a giant Adam's apple" stuff? It's actually because she's insanely bony.

And now, for some of her trademark blatant hypocrisy.

For bonus points, DEAR GOD LOOK AT THOSE ARMS.

owhatever June 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm

How did I not make the list?

mavenmaven June 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Interestingly, none of the Republican leadership cares about this list.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

…and in one article is the most succinct explanation why U.S. Americans Conservatism is bad, bad, bad for women.

calliecallie June 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

This is just so outrageous I want to scream.

Estproph June 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

God what a bunch of smugfucks. Most of those pictures look like sorority rush shots. And I really hate 2 Brain Cells 1 Cupp.

Slim_Pickins June 21, 2012 at 4:53 pm

RWN obviously does not understand what TV means in this context.

Preferred Customer June 21, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Also, RWN fails the Internet, because hello–for top 20 lists, you are supposed to put each entry on a separate page for MOAR PAGE VIEWS.

And I'm being completely serious when I say that the average attractiveness of the people on that list hovers around 2.5 out of 10. Removing Coulter jumps you up to a 4, sure, but it's still a pretty unimpressive group.

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I wonder if Sarah Palin clicked her heels together when she was doing that "Heil Hitler" salute.

M. Bouffant June 21, 2012 at 5:08 pm

So, "hot conservative woman" is primarily defined by a bottle of hydrogen peroxide & a case of eyeliner pencils?

Here are some other lady loons, some of whom are on the "HCW" list.

Thedongsofwar June 21, 2012 at 5:24 pm

There was more than one thing wrong with that list.

Generation[redacted] June 21, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I was kind of surprised they included Jenna from 30 Rock.

Tyrannically_Joe June 21, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Oh, sure, but when Larry Flynt does it…

Selfish_T June 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Where is the love for Any Random Fox Blonde?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 June 21, 2012 at 6:02 pm

yeah this isn't much of a list…or well researched. I'm surprised Prejean isn't on there but considering her love of self pleasure and filming as such her wingnut credentials are DOA. But I also know Leanne Tweeden (sigh) is a conservative…now, if we were to name liberals my favorite Az politician would be on the list: Kirsten Sinema. Not only is she blonde and buxom but also bi-sexual. I'd take her alliteration over the wingnut p's anyday: Prickly, post-op, phlegmy. Just sayin'….but yeah, I'm about positive we win here. It's not fair to mention actresses here because ya know Eva Mendes, Eva Longoria, Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johannsen and Natalie Portman and Salma Hayek are all confirmed lefties. Nor should we talk about music, either…just saying, also.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 June 21, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Isn't there an old saying about wingnuts that their worst fear is somewhere, someone else is enjoying life more than they are? I think that really explains a lot about the ladies on this list. That and spending life as a beard.

extreme_left June 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Good to see 50% have a arm around them, wouldn't want them to be out in public without a chaperone.

TribecaMike June 21, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Here's a group shoot posted at Newsmax… http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4RpICxYd-_k/T8gqGAog9cI

TootsStansbury June 21, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I don't like to make fun of peoples' looks but Kristina Riabali? What the fuck? Seriously. What is that?

TribecaMike June 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

A very suspicious absence of cleavage.

Barrelhse June 21, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Jeanne Schmidt didn't make the cut?! It must have been rigged.

tweeksmom June 21, 2012 at 8:16 pm

None of those silly twats from "The Five" made it? Not even Greg Gutfeld?

badgitator June 21, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Impressing conservative men requires the mastery of no fewer than 4 distinct disciplines: Big tits and I forgot the rest…

ttommyunger June 21, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Sorry, John, it will take more than this to get you laid. Try moving out of your mom's basement for starters.

badgitator June 21, 2012 at 8:57 pm

They keep flashing the peace symbol. I do not think it means what they think it means.

dcjdjay June 21, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Ann Coulter may be a lying sack of crap, but on occasion she'll let out a funny one-liner. Dana Loesch is just a lying sack of crap, and Michelle Malkin is the cockroach that lives on that crap.

The rest are about as consequential as a fart in a desert.

rocktonsam June 21, 2012 at 10:46 pm

you'd think that if these women would shave their FOX NEWS pubes, they'd be fun to go on a date with.and have stimulating conversation, some wine and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

youse just know they;re kinky as hell also

viennawoods13 June 22, 2012 at 8:13 am

do not these guys living in their moms' basements know how to photoshop out redeye? Seriously. because nothing says "hot babe" like glowing red eyes.

DahBoner June 22, 2012 at 11:10 am

Danna Loesh

THE BAD WIFE????

larrykat June 22, 2012 at 11:26 am

Holy shit that is one large forehead! Looks like Kristen Wiig's character with the tiny hands on SNL…

KPod June 22, 2012 at 11:35 am

It also seems to help to have a disembodied male hand grasping one of your parts, it would appear.

cobweb2 June 22, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Somewhere JLo is crying her little porcine eyes out

southernbeale June 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

You missed my favorite entry of all, Rep. Julia Hurley of TN, recently in the news for "air surfing" her dog. You can see a memorable photo of the former Hooters waitress and model at the bottom of this post:
http://southernbeale.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/wha

forreal19 June 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I was curious about #20 and how a woman of color could be affiliated with such a group – Googled her and she just started a website "The Real Feminist" – HA! And wrote a reply about being objectified: http://therealfeminist.com/2012/06/25/im-on-a-hot

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

This is a slight resemblance to Jodie Foster, yes.

PsycWench June 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I'm sure you were super hawt while you were vomiting unconsciously.
Seriously, that's fucked up. Good thing you had backup. Now excuse me while I have a panic attack about my 14-year-old daughter being old enough to go to a bar some day.

Steverino247 June 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Now you know the true reason for "Never drink alone."

Seriously, I'm so sorry you had that experience. I think anybody who drugs a drink deserves the rape conviction even if there's no penetration. Your roommate deserved a free month's rent and all your chocolate ice cream from the freezer for that night.

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