CommonHere was an odd little brag from the People’s Senator, the fanny for the common man, the rootin’-est, tootin’-est Playgirl model to ever bare his treasure trail in the US Congress:

“Each and every day that I’ve been a United States senator, I’ve been discussing issues, meeting on issues, in secret meetings with kings and queens and prime ministers and business leaders and military leaders, talking, voting, working on issues every single day.”

And that prompts the terribly important questions of who are these kings and queens with whom Sen. Brown is having these secret meetings, what have they promised him in exchange for being their mole on the Armed Services and Homeland Security committees, and last but certainly most important: DOES HE BOW?

For Which Kings and Queens Is Scott Brown a Secret Agent?

  • The Pope
  • Prince Albert in a Can
  • The Burger King
  • [TPM]

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    • Callyson

      in secret meetings with queens

      Actually, that's no secret–we all know that you consult with Lindsey Graham on a regular basis.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Damn you–beat me to the punch with the Lindsey post!

      • scvirginia

        Pore Lindsey's got a bad rap- is that fair when it was our OTHER senator who got caught with his mouth in Jamie Dimon's crotch on teevee the other day?

    • Sassomatic

      Queen Latifa and King Kong.

      • So there's only two people in the room?


    • Jus_Wonderin

      His bow is a practiced maneuver that is likened unto his pubic shaving ritual. Just less moaning.

    • Lucidamente1

      The Queen of Denial?

      • Isyaignert

        That would be the "Birther Queen" Oily Taint.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Oh Cleo!

    • freakishlywrong

      He's just trying to pimp those daughters of his out to "royalty".

    • savethispatient

      The Dairy Queen?
      Of course Senator Brown has got the hang of the Senate already – he didn't mention meeting with his constituents.

      • Tundra Grifter

        You beat me to it!

        I was going with Burger King and Dairy Queen.

    • freakishlywrong

      The fuck is up with Republicans named "Scott"?

      • TootsStansbury

        It's also a brand of ass-wipes! Coincidence?

        • freakishlywrong

          I say not, Toots!

        • Isyaignert

          Speaking of TP, here's a short list of evil Koch brothers products to boycott. What a coinkidink that the two biggest A-Holes the world has ever known are in the TP business.

          Angel Soft toilet paper

          Brawny paper towels

          Dixie plates, bowls, napkins and cups

          Mardi Gras napkins and towels

          Quilted Northern toilet paper

          Soft ‘n Gentle toilet paper

          Sparkle napkins

          Vanity Fair napkins

          Zee napkins

          Georgia-Pacific paper products and envelopes
          All Georgia-Pacific lumber and building products

          Stainmaster carpet and Lycra

          • freakishlywrong

            Figures a coupla turds would focus on toilet paper and carpet stains.

          • b[redact]opple

            I don't think any of us will have much trouble boycotting "napkins."

            • AncienReggie

              The hardest to shop around are Dixie products–those cups and paper plates are certainly the most widely available. But I try.

              If I can't wipe my ass with the Koch brothers themselves, I won't use their products for it either.

            • Jus_Wonderin

              However, I am curious about Sparkle napkins.

          • YasserArraFeck

            Which one has the bits all over the bears ass?

            • RayneMan

              Yasser, I believe that's Charmin… a Proctor & Gamble product.

              P&G used to be in ALEC, so they're not Koch, but they used to sleep with them.

              I guess we can't boycott everything, though…unless they invent stain-free underwear. (which would, again, be a Koch, Inc product)

          • scvirginia

            Y'all forgot Tim Scott (R-SC). Definitely a Koch bros product. Or by-product?

      • Isyaignert

        I noticed that too – they're freekin' everywhere!

    • JustPixelz

      All that work and his daughters are still available.

      • Steverino247

        My boys are single. Have them contact me via Wonkette post.

      • Leka, Crown Prince of Albania, approves.

    • IncenseDebate

      What can Brown do for them?

    • slithytoves

      What about the doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs?

    • Callyson

      Slightly O/T, from the Boston Globe's article about Scotty's attempt to do damage control:

      In the same interview, Brown today defended a US House panel that voted Wednesday to hold Attorney General Eric Holder in contempt for not providing documents related to the botched “Fast and Furious” gun-trafficking investigation.
      “Congress was misled, so what are they supposed to do? Say thank you very much? Thanks for misleading us?” Brown said.

      Yeah, that's what the mushy middle voters who were foolish enough to think that voting Republican would *actually* mean that Congress would focus like a laser on jobs are saying…

      • freakishlywrong

        ♪ Whistling past the highway bill…

    • SayItWithWookies

      As a teabagger, Scott Brown meets with people who are inbred enough to be royalty — but don't ruin the illusion for him.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      We have spell check, but no veracity check.

    • coolhandnuke

      He needs a Dairy Queen swirly.
      A royal flush.

    • noodlesalad

      King Kong Bundy and the ghost of Freddie Mercury, natch.

    • Extemporanus

      King Friday XIII and Queen Sara Saturday, I believe.

      • I had to scroll down *this* far before someone made reference to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe? Low-hanging fruit, to be sure, but come on! Fred Rogers is giving us all disapproving frowny looks from the astral plane.

        • Extemporanus


        • In fairness, I feel a sense of unease knowing there's a character named McFeeley on a show from the state of Jerry Sandusky.

    • JustPixelz

      Scott Brown is a secret agent for the Clown Prince of Massachusetts: Mitt Romney.

      • Ahem.

        • JustPixelz

          Clown libel?

    • Won't you come see him, Queen Jane?

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Miss Wasilla

      • Not much. Nope, not at all.

        Iffin' that was a question.

    • Well I know England has a Queen. She just got married or something.

      • sewollef

        That wasn't a queen, I believe that was Elton John.

        • That wasn't a queen, I believe that was ^^THE QUEEN^^ Elton John.


    • sewollef

      I don't want that floozy in either Kings or Queens county thank you very much.

      • Nah, send dat little dick-flashin' man down ta Bensonhoist! Da boys will see to 'im.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Did he make them all promise not to endorse Warren?

    • "In fact, at one of the meetings I met my wife… Angela Merkel! Yeah, that's the ticket!"

      • Isyaignert

        I thought it was young Morgan Fairchild – yeah, yeah, that's it!

        • Steverino247

          I actually met Morgan Fairchild so I can say, "Whom I shook hands with." Sleeping with her, alas, was not an option. Very nice person, too.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Angela Merkel…whom I've seen naked.

    • barto

      Perhaps he meant drag queens? Ya gotsta meet them in sekret if yur an R.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Cabbages and kings, but he only listens to the cabbages.

      • Extemporanus

        Abe Froman, line 1.

    • Schmannnity

      Sounds like he's been playing a lot of poker.

    • LastGasp

      … the fanny for the common man.

      Ms. Shoenkopf, you are aware that the word "fanny" means something entirely different in the UK, right? Or did you do that deliberately?

      • sewollef

        I'm a Brit and have lived in the US for 10 years…. still makes me smile when I hear that.

        Whereas, the so-called fucking health service in this country drives me to commit murder several times a week.

        Correction: "…. drives me to WANT to commit murder several times a week."

        • savethispatient

          Me too, I've been here for 6 years. The last time I went to a doctor, it was nice that they took their time doing the check-up, but when I walked out I noticed quite how many admin / support staff the 2 doctors and an APRN had. There were loads… Talk about overheads!
          That said, when people ask me if I miss the UK, I say one word: curry.

          • sewollef

            Curry, as every Brit knows, is England's national dish.

            Fortunately, I have 6th Street in the East Village to satisfy my yearnings for a decent Indian.

            Particularly needed as I was a frequent visitor to Curry Mile in Rusholme (south of Manchester Uni.).

      • Our Editrix is a worldy babe, so I'm sure she understands the entendre.

        And I always smile when I listen to that ZZ Top song…"She got hair down to her fanny"…

    • ColonelDoctor

      I think he meant Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters.

    • MissTaken

      Queen of Jordan?

      • SorosBot

        People do love the way that she says "ham".

      • Noor reply.

      • kingofmeh

        it's my way till payday.

    • Urban_Achiever

      He's just tryin' to score free Olympic tix…..

    • sharethegrief

      Hopefully he'll meet with the Dukes of Hazard in November.

    • "I may have exaggerated a little. But I did have coffee once with Kevin James."

      • Texan_Bulldog

        And I bet he recently stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Must be Ellery Queen cuz itza mystery.

    • Tommmcattt

      The one on the left is king, the one on the right is queen, and the thing in the middle? Prime Minister!

      Mystery solved.

    • rickmaci

      Burger King?
      Gypsy Kings?
      Sultans of Swing?
      B.B. King?
      Prom Queen?

      • Burger King, then Dairy Queen

      • sewollef

        Carole King anyone?

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I bet his resume says he was President of the Senate because, you know, he was IN the Senate.

    • Estproph

      He had a dream about the King of Sweden,
      He gave him things that he was needin',
      He gave him a Senate built of gold and steel,
      a diamond pickup with the platinum wheel.

      Hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi
      Hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi
      Hey-dee hey-dee hey-dee hey-dee hey
      Hey-dee hey-dee hey-dee hey-dee hey

    • Hera Sent Me

      Usually secret meetings with queens aren't something a straight man will brag about.

      • Perhaps his stance is wider than he admits. Professor Doctor Cherokee Princess Elizabeth Warren should quiz him on this at the next debate to be sponsored by the Harvard Lampoon (since Brown has nixed all others save Faux Gnus).

    • ODF

      I know we've all become accustomed to the asshole brayings of our elected officials. Is his mouth just completely disconnected from his brain? The whole thing about secret meetings with kings and queens–had he just finished catching up on GoT?

    • Dashboard Buddha


      Fixed, and yes he does.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Even when he's not actually blowing, he blows.

      • Chunks.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Elton John and LeBron James?

      • rickmaci

        Sorry. Are they kings or queens?

    • AncienReggie

      Seriously, how many kings and queens are there these days? If you don't count proms and homecomings, there's like, what, eight nations on earth that still have royalty? Nine, maybe?

      • sewollef

        Around 26, technically still acting as 'heads of state' or thereabouts. The rest have been 'deposed' but are still alive. Unlike the Romanovs, Louis XVI and Charles I, that is.

        Total roll call is:

        Belgian Royal Family
        Brunei Royal Family
        Bhutanese Royal Family
        British Royal Family
        Bahraini Royal Family
        Brazilian Imperial Family (deposed)
        Bulgarian Royal Family (deposed)
        Cambodian Royal Family
        Canadian Royal Family
        Danish Royal Family
        Dutch Royal Family
        Greek Royal Family (deposed)
        Hessian Grand Ducal Family (deposed)
        Italian Royal Family (deposed)
        Japanese Imperial Family
        Jordanian Royal Family
        Korean Imperial Family (deposed)
        Malaysian Royal Families
        Johor Royal Family
        Kedah Royal Family
        Kelantan Royal Family
        Negeri Sembilan Royal Family
        Pahang Royal Family
        Perak Royal Family
        Perlis Royal Family
        Selangor Royal Family
        Terengganu Royal Family
        Laotian Royal Family (deposed)
        Liechtenstein Princely Family
        Luxembourg Grand Ducal Family
        Manchu Imperial Family (deposed)
        Māori Royal Family
        Mecklenburg (Schwerin and Strelitz)
        Grand Ducal Family (deposed)
        Mexican Imperial Family (deposed)
        Monegasque Princely Family
        Royal Family of Morocco
        Nepalese Royal Family / King of Nepal (deposed)
        Norwegian Royal Family
        Portuguese Royal Family (deposed)
        Qatari Royal Family
        Romanian Royal Family (deposed)
        Saudi Royal Family
        Schwarzenberg Princely Family (mediatized)
        The Spanish Royal Family
        Swazi Royal Family
        Swedish Royal Family
        Thai Royal Family
        Tongan Royal Family
        Yugoslavian Royal Family (deposed)
        Zulu Royal Family

        • Your count is off by ~ 9. The Royal Families of Johor, Kedah, Kelantan, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, Perak, Perlis, Selangor, and Trengganu should be included under "Malaysian Royal Families," as those are all Malaysian states. Each royal family holds the Yang di Pertuan Negara (king of Malaysia) role in succession.

        • RayneMan

          I think Canadians & the British have the same royal family

      • finallyhappy

        How many? I don't know- you ever watch Ru Paul's Drag race?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I don't know which Queen for sure, but I do know Scott spends a lot of time in his meeting chambers discussing 'Matters of State' through Ye Olde Hole of Glorye.

    • chascates

      What a maroon.

      • rickmaci


    • EatsBabyDingos

      He is not talking about the citizens of Queens but rather Count Moby Christie of the Jersey Holsteins, who is only slightly larger by volume.

    • Elvis!

    • OneYieldRegular

      See where confusing Ron Paul and Ru Paul can lead a person?

      • Ru Paul seriously needs to think about putting out a platform of political positions, and make sure she gets national exposure, and that will completely confuse the Paultards.

    • keinsignal

      In particular, he's been in close consultation with the Crimson King, collaborating on a multinational initiative to plant evergreens, grasp divining signs, and summon back the fire witch.

      [bong noises]

      • AncienReggie

        Thanks for the best earworm I've had all week.

      • doloras

        I am Robert Fripp and I approve of this message.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Seriously, is this guy a U.S. Senator or some third rate "prestigiditizer" telling us about the royalty he astounded on his last tour of the capitals of Europe with his unbelievable "saw my lovelely assistant in half" trick.

    • HogeyeGrex

      talking, voting, working on issues every single day.

      Senatoratin's hard work!!!!

    • I voted for Pope In A Box

    • elburritodeluxe

      He would also like the common people to know he is fond of Boston's Red Stockings. Indeed, on occasion he allows his presence in a luxury box at one of their exhibitions.

    • not that Radio

      UPDATE: Scott Brown misspoke about meeting with Kings and Queens. What he meant to say was "Each and every day that I’ve been a United States senator, I’ve been either discussing issues, meeting on issues, in secret meetings — with Sting and Mr Green Jeans"

    • AddHomonym

      When he walks down the street
      Kings and queens they opine
      Every voter he meets
      They all stay stupefied
      Wantsa be your junior senator
      Wantsa be kept around
      He’s here to tell you honey
      He’s bad to the Brown

      • Very nicely done, particularly as an ad hoc!

        *polite golf clap*


    • occams8ball

      As I've been saying all along, Presidential AND good looking!

    • TribecaMike

      Scott Brown is to douchbaggery what the late Andrew Sarris was to film criticism.

      • the late, ^^lamented^^ Andrew Sarris.

        Something tells me Scotty's family will be the only ones doing any lamenting when he pops his clogs.

        • TribecaMike

          I haven't read the NY Observer since they fired Sarris a few years ago, stupid cheap arsed bastards.

          • Why would we need the likes of the late Pauline Kael or Andrew Sarris to tell us what constitutes good film, when we have the likes of Michael Medved and Michelle Malkin?

            And publishers want to know why their readership is declining. I'd gladly pay to read a Kael or Sarris review. For Medved/Malkin reviews, I'd want to BE paid.

    • owhatever

      I am disappointed that the senator is revealing his secret meetings with royalty like myself, a exiled Nigerian prince. I told him about my fortune that was seized by my political enemies, and how, working together with the senator, I could get it back and contribute HALF to his campaign and use the other half to create jobs. Some flunky of his own political enemy, Lizzie Warren, told me to fuck off.

    • MozakiBlocks

      Well I know a couple of queens who would want to meet with Senator Centerfold but I don't think he'd want to meet with them.

    • not that Radio

      "Vote for the white guy"

    • widestanceromance

      He's been with kings and presidents, but he's never been with us.

      his Massachusetts constituency

    • DahBoner

      And businessmen come and dig his earth. Also to….

    • I assume the ones he met with were the ones who fought for ten decades for the gods they made.

      This was just before he cried out, "How could the Kennedys [endorse a candidate in the senate race, as private citizens expressing political opinions]".

      • rickmaci

        Everyone knows the Kennedy's are not private citizens. They are American Royalty. Dowager Queen Vicki should know better than to involve the royals in the tawdry business of politics, but then she is not really a Kennedy, she only slept with one.

      • Mick and Keef appreciate the implied shout out.

    • finallyhappy

      During DC Pride , there are plenty of queens and kings. Scott looks like they guys from Nelly's anyway

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      Senator centerfold/pick up truck better get as many of those meetings in as he can in the next six months. I understand that royalty doesn't give two fucks about an ex-Senator.

    • I assume he's referring to the many Secret Queen gatherings one finds at various truck stops along our nation's highways. Dude, here's a tip…they ain't so secret.

    • Antispandex

      Damn. The only ones I can think of are King Crimson, and the Queen of Soul herself, Ms. Aretha Franklin. I know, nerdy and old at the same time, huh?

    • Come here a minute

      Every senator is a "stand on the railing and shout, 'I'm the king of the world!'" type.

    • Undoubtedly gun lovin', coon killin' Iowa asshat Steven King. As for the Queens, hell, his party's full of 'em

    • ttommyunger

      The Grand Poohbah of Upper Butt-Crack, no doubt.

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