oafs of office

Thoughtful Gentleman Rep. Joe Walsh Impugns Intellect Of Poopy-Head President

Your Wonket cannot get enough of one Mr. Congressman Joe Walsh (R-Collections). Every time he goes out in public — and with apologies to Dan Savage and the Portland, Oregon, Police Bureau — it gets better.

He’s always all “Iraq veteran and septuple amputee Tammy Duckworth is a coward” this, and “I have to live in my office because I’m such a fucking deadbeat” that. He also loves to scream “shut up!” at his constituents, and is just constantly suing his ex-wife for wanting the child support he owes her. Why anyone besides the “fathers’ rights” dudes would ever actually vote for this terrifying pile of rage hormones is anyone’s guess, but it’s America. You can vote however you like!

Mr. The Greatest was explaining to a nipple of TeaNuts how Obama’s using his presidential discretion to decide immigration enforcement priorities for DHS was the worst tyranny America has ever known (duh) when he corrected himself. (A rare occurrence, as Mr. The Greatest usually thinks so hard before opening his drooling shithole.) Why did he correct himself? Because tyrants are smart, which precludes President Harvard Law Review from getting such an honor, because teleprompterz (and also he’s black).

We remember a gauzy time in the distant mists of the past when only civilians would call the president a dumb cunt; it was frowned upon, rather, for elected officials to debase themselves in so inelegant a manner, hip hip cheerio, let us have a spot of tea! And then Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan would go have a blah blah blah. Fuck it! Let’s import the Prime Minister’s Question Hour and Morning Drive-Time Zoo! Let’s let Neil Munro emcee all presidential statements! Let us let President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho determine the fate of legislation by tractor pulls to the death! It’s all good, and it’s all we deserve. [ChicagoSunTimes]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • thatsitfortheother1

    I dunno, I kinda liked the James Gang.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Joe Joe and the Chocolate Baddy
      (That was for you hardcore Walsh fans only)

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Just turn the whole government into a reality show and let Donald Trump, the Kardashians and the Pawn Stars run the whole fucked up shit train.

    • IonaTrailer

      Chumley as Secretary of State!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Awwwwwwwwwwwwwesome!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    nipple of TeaNuts

    I always went with "gobble of Teabaggers" but I'm not sure yours isn't better, Madame Editrix.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Rash of baggerz.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      a "murder of NumNutz."

    • Hera Sent Me

      A scrotum of teabaggers.

    • Estproph

      An infestation of teabillies

    • noodlesalad

      A herd of teasheep

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

      an "Island of Misfits."

      No, wait — that's us.

    • gullywompr

      A carbuncle of conservatives.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Oh, I love nouns of assemblage. My personal favorite is a wake of buzzards.

    • bikerlaureate

      A murder of GOPatriots.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      A barf of baggers.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "Derp derpa derpity derp derp derpo derpy derpo derp derp. And I mean it!"

  • Limeylizzie

    What do those 8 people in that room think about it?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Worst concert ever. They want their money back!

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Truantly_Joe

        "FREEBIRD!!"

      • viennawoods13

        Yes, but the lights in the gauze, so pretty!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "I dunno, man, I thought he'd pull out his guitar and play 'Rocky Mountain Way'."

    • Mittens Howell, III

      What they're thinking as Joe speaks:

      "God I hate black people."
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "I wish this guy would stop talking so I can serve him these papers."

      • sullivanst

        Any process server who waits for someone to stop talking before serving papers ain't gonna be a process server for very long.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      They have that motionless, gob-smacked, what-the-fuck's-with-this-guy incredulity that everyone has in these Joe Walsh youtubes. The women, in particular, are afraid to make a move because he might charge at them.

  • StarsUponThars

    Rep. Joe Walsh has a lot of class. Too bad it's all low.

    • sullivanst

      Be fair now. It's not all low. In fact, quite a lot of it is no.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    When Reagan granted Amnesty to illegal immigrants in the early 80's, it was Patriotic, God Damn it!

  • Hera Sent Me

    Stupid is as stupid does.

  • freakishlywrong

    Dear asshole fellow citizens,
    Please quit sending face biting, obstinate, paranoid delusionals to represent you in the Gubbmint. This assclown, Boner, Crazy eyes, that Twatwaffle Cantor, Issa, West, etc.. Please keep these worthless fucking lunatics to yourselves and don't inflict them on the rest of us.
    Thanks,
    U.S. of fucking A.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Can I get a Amen?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Hell, I'll toss in an "Awomen" too, just for fairness sake.

      • sullivanst

        I'll toss in a Ramen

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Common.

      • MosesInvests

        Glory, hallelujah!

    • Estproph

      HEAR HEAR!

      While we're at it, let's make them keep to themselves too. I'm sick of dumb sixtoed goobers screaming USAUSAUSA every time the sun comes up, or they take a dump, or they step on a fucking rake, or some other event that happens all the time.

      • ThundercatHo

        "step on a fucking rake" *chortle, snort* I am so stealing that one.

    • ThundercatHo

      Testify, brother.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    When will Obama cough up child support for Malia and Sasha?

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      That cheapass makes his wife and kids live with him to save money!

      • Chichikovovich

        In government housing!

        • horsedreamer_1

          & they get food benefits!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Happy anniversary, Joe and Joan Walsh.

  • widestanceromance

    We should all be thanking this man for instilling a strong work ethic upon his left-to-their-own-bootstraps children. Work or die is something all children should be taught by their fathers, along with some True Muscular Jeebis Beatings.

    No son of his is going to grow up to be a welfare queen.

  • AddHomonym

    Clearly, he is living a Life of Illusion.

  • noodlesalad

    I've already got leg shivers thinking about how Barry is going to verbally depants Mittens at the debate. Buh-buh-buh no teleprompterz??? Howzat?? he must be getting secret ear feedz from space. and all sorts of other hilarities.

    • sullivanst

      he must be getting secret ear feedz from space

      Worked for W, sorta.

      • noodlesalad

        Only because they didn't want to admit that Scaredypants Chickenhawk was wearing double kevlar that evening (one layer is to protect against tough questions).

      • Isyaignert

        I remember seeing the mysterious box-shaped lump under GeeDumb's jacket. The noise media said, "Nothing to see here, move along, blah, blah. freedom, liberty, blah, bhal."

  • SayItWithWookies

    Every time this intellectual slumlord bubbles to the surface again it's for something stupider, more attention-starved, more shrill and nonsensical than before. Getting his ass kicked by a legless woman is precisely the exclamation point his career deserves.

    • Mojopo

      Brilliant work. I could kiss the screen.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Classic.

    • Isyaignert

      "Getting his ass kicked by a legless woman" – PRICELESS.

      I'm inspired to send Ms. Baldwin a contribution now.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Duckworth, not Baldwin (I know, it's confusing – who would have ever thought there'd be 2 Tammys running for office?)

        • Isyaignert

          Right you are! Thanks for that.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Besides just projecting their own political dysfunction on the President, these guys seem to think that the justified, fact-based criticisms directed at George Bush should automatically be hurled at Barack Obama, because turnabout is false equivalency and all's fair, truth or lie. It is frightening that their voters are too stupid to see through this, and don't want to.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      you just articulated something that's been nagging at the back of my brain since 2009 at least.

      thx for that.

  • IncenseDebate

    Usually the Editrix's mention of nipple gets me excited.

  • SorosBot

    In GOP-land, "tyranny" just means "stuff we don't like".

    • IncenseDebate

      In secret GOP-land, "tranny" means means "party time."

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      As a child, my cruel, despotic mother oppressed me every other week with the tyranny of liver'n'onions, and also salmon croquettes!!

  • freakishlywrong

    nipple of TeaNuts although delicious, aren't we doing vaginas this week?

    • IncenseDebate

      It's my fervent hope.

    • Guppy

      My personal preference is to do vaginas every week.

    • gullywompr

      Insha'Allah.

  • Lucidamente1

    Needs moar Joe Wilson.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Tammy Duckworth could beat this guy with one arm tied behind her wheelchair.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Yes, Obamer's quite a tyrant. Getting out of Iraqinam. Trying to improve US Amercia healthcare. Killing people with drone armed missiles… (okay maybe.) Letting desperate woman beater Joe Walsh spout bullshit without getting thrown into Gitmo.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Life has been good to him, so far?

    • Baconzgood

      It's All the Same.

    • MosesInvests

      They say he's crazy but he has a good time (with the moneyz that should be going to child support).

  • hollywooddood

    Just shut up and support your kids, shitbag.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Let me see, what's the proper way to deal with tyrants I wonder…

    • Guppy

      Surveying!

  • Serolf_Divad

    Firts Barack Obama brought healthcare coverage to the Mexicans and I did not speak out because I was not a Mexican. Then Barack Obama gave healthcare to the blacks, but I did not speak out because I was not black. Then he gave healthcare to the poors and I did not speak out because I was not poor. And when he finally came to give me health care coverage there was no one left to speak out…

    Those who forget history are condemned to repeat it (with more health coverage)
    -George Santayana

  • IonaTrailer

    “The president doesn’t want to waste scarce resources on young immigrants who have bright futures when we could be using those resources to go after bad guys and I absolutely agree that the president has set a sensible course of action.” said fellow Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill.)

    SO why is Obama going after pot shops here in California??? Lay off my weed, man.

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      He doesn't want to see the Mom 'n' Pops wiped out by Big Dope. Just trying to level the playing field.

  • Baconzgood

    Sorry, I maybe a little hung over from yesterday but I felt that post a little hard to follow.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

      I couldn't decide, either, if my head hurt from the home-brew consumed last night to celebrate the astro-transition of our planet-home — or from parsing some Strange Text-String. I can't criticize, though; I named my own self "Mumblety_ _" for a reason.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Life hasn't been all that good to Joe so far.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      His life is exactly what he deserves — and he made it what it is.

  • sullivanst

    Joe Walsh (R-Dunning Kruger)

  • Baconzgood

    But don't bring up St. Ronney.
    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?stor

  • mrpuma2u

    "They say I'm lazy but it take all my time"

    Sod off, Joe. I normally don't wish bad things on people but this jaggoff deserves shingles, a big toe abscess and Giardiaisis all at once. Pay your back child support you deadbeat turd.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, but not until after the voters kick his sorry ass to the curb, and leave him with no health care coverage. THAT is when Pestilence should put the surveryor's mark on him.

      It would be interesting to see if he wants Obamacare repealed, when it's the only thing keeping him alive.

  • Antispandex

    True, Joe has no social graces, but he's SO eloquent.

  • BlueStateLibel

    I see as usual that the room is full to capacity to hear Joe rave.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I "contacted" him to tell him he was a idiot.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Tryrannically_Joe

    Hey, remember when Bush used signing statements to completely circumvent and ignore the directions and requirements furnished by duly passed laws by Congress? Instead of an executive order that establishes enforcment priorities within the current law without contradicting or circumventing the law itself?

    Yeah, that was fine, because when Bush was in office, Unitary Executive, duh.

    Oh, also, remember when Bush decided that war powers meant he could keep people in cages in Cuba and drown them until they confessed to whatever, mafiosa-style? Yeah, well, Obama's the tyrant, is my main point.

  • ThundercatHo

    Dear Joe the Asspimple,
    In your quest for absolute and undeserved power may you summon a demon who slowly slurps your intestines while wearing your testicles for earrings.
    Sincerely,
    Every real dad who has paid his child support and every mother and child who need to receive it.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Walsh should team up with Newt, and split the cost of a hotel hallway. Even at a Motel 6, there'd still be plenty of room for all of their supporters at once.

    The fuckwad could, maybe, send the savings to support his kids.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    sociopathic movement hack is sociopathic

  • MosesInvests

    Jewish tradition forbids public humiliation, calling it a crime akin to murder. With ONE EXCEPTION-deadbeat dads were to be made to stand on a barrel in the marketplace, with a sign around their necks saying "Ravens support their young, but I don't."
    Sometimes the old ways are best.

  • lochnessmonster

    I hope that coward Tammy Duckworth wipes the floor with this a-hole!

  • horsedreamer_1

    Duckworth is going to get Chambliss'd.

    Another Karl Rove Joint.

  • TribecaMike

    "Could you speed it up, sonny? Swamp People is comin' on in ten minutes."

  • rickmaci

    There have always been asshats as stupid as this guy in Congress. But in the past the leadership told them to STFU or else, kept them on the back bench, got them a chief of staff who knew which side was up or down and beat 'em over the head with shitty committee assignments if they got out of line.

    Ah, nostalgia for the good old days.

  • TribecaMike

    Are all Tea Party meetings held in the Hall of Mirrors of the Palace of Versailles?

  • Tommy1733

    Why ever did his ex decide to get a divorce?

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    "Let’s import the Prime Minister’s Question Hour…"

    I've watched this on C-SPAN and had fantasies about an American version where we'd see Dubya's first term, on-camera nervous breakdown when he realizes he's supposed to actually know things instead of simply spouting pointless platitudes.

    • viennawoods13

      We have Question Period here in Canada. It's useless. Tools of the gov't get up and bullshit the time away. Funny, the hack they had responding to accusations of voter fraud in the spring (a used car salesman, no word of a lie) is now under investigation for election finance fraud. That's the calibre of gummint we got up here.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I am so sick of this loudmouth that I want to vomit.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      aren't you here in IL? i'm actually working for her campaign (not her district but no one seems to care).

      this one matters on a seriously personal level. in that i seriously hate this tool and will take personal and unseemly delight in his defeat.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    Ha! I just checked out his opponent, multiple amputee and veteran Tammy Duckworth's website, and apparently the "real" Joe Walsh, of James Gang and Eagles fame, has endorsed her! That's just awesome.

  • BerkeleyBear

    This assclown's presence in Congress proves that it is a lot better to keep your mouth shut when you have no clue what you are talking about. He didn't so much win in 2010 as serve as the alternate to a disliked incumbent – he had no money, no media presence and a joke of a campaign. I can only hope that the combination of his own stupidity and redistricting kicks his ass to the curb and he can go back to his life of being a deadbeat dad.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Bozo's Circus is back, baby!

  • glamourdammerung

    President Obama really needs to respond to Walsh's allegations. Preferably with "that Republican that STILL has not paid his child support is trying to lecture someone?"

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Hey, Joe: YOU LOSE!!!!

    • TribecaMike

      He gets that a lot.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    hahahahaha six people in an empty ballroom in fucking schaumburg.

  • dcjdjay

    If his district votes him back into Congress, we need to set up a Soylent Green factory there.

  • ttommyunger

    He's like these kids who go to talent shows without any. He, like them, obviously has no friends to tell him how loud he sucks, so he keeps on scheduling meet-and-greets and embarrassing himself. Works for me.