Thoughtful Gentleman Rep. Joe Walsh Impugns Intellect Of Poopy-Head President

  oafs of office

Your Wonket cannot get enough of one Mr. Congressman Joe Walsh (R-Collections). Every time he goes out in public — and with apologies to Dan Savage and the Portland, Oregon, Police Bureau — it gets better.

He’s always all “Iraq veteran and septuple amputee Tammy Duckworth is a coward” this, and “I have to live in my office because I’m such a fucking deadbeat” that. He also loves to scream “shut up!” at his constituents, and is just constantly suing his ex-wife for wanting the child support he owes her. Why anyone besides the “fathers’ rights” dudes would ever actually vote for this terrifying pile of rage hormones is anyone’s guess, but it’s America. You can vote however you like!

Mr. The Greatest was explaining to a nipple of TeaNuts how Obama’s using his presidential discretion to decide immigration enforcement priorities for DHS was the worst tyranny America has ever known (duh) when he corrected himself. (A rare occurrence, as Mr. The Greatest usually thinks so hard before opening his drooling shithole.) Why did he correct himself? Because tyrants are smart, which precludes President Harvard Law Review from getting such an honor, because teleprompterz (and also he’s black).

We remember a gauzy time in the distant mists of the past when only civilians would call the president a dumb cunt; it was frowned upon, rather, for elected officials to debase themselves in so inelegant a manner, hip hip cheerio, let us have a spot of tea! And then Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan would go have a blah blah blah. Fuck it! Let’s import the Prime Minister’s Question Hour and Morning Drive-Time Zoo! Let’s let Neil Munro emcee all presidential statements! Let us let President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho determine the fate of legislation by tractor pulls to the death! It’s all good, and it’s all we deserve. [ChicagoSunTimes]

 
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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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112 comments

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      What they're thinking as Joe speaks:

      "God I hate black people."
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "God I hate black people. "
      "I wish this guy would stop talking so I can serve him these papers."

      1. sullivanst

        Any process server who waits for someone to stop talking before serving papers ain't gonna be a process server for very long.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      They have that motionless, gob-smacked, what-the-fuck's-with-this-guy incredulity that everyone has in these Joe Walsh youtubes. The women, in particular, are afraid to make a move because he might charge at them.

  1. freakishlywrong

    Dear asshole fellow citizens,
    Please quit sending face biting, obstinate, paranoid delusionals to represent you in the Gubbmint. This assclown, Boner, Crazy eyes, that Twatwaffle Cantor, Issa, West, etc.. Please keep these worthless fucking lunatics to yourselves and don't inflict them on the rest of us.
    Thanks,
    U.S. of fucking A.

    1. Estproph

      HEAR HEAR!

      While we're at it, let's make them keep to themselves too. I'm sick of dumb sixtoed goobers screaming USAUSAUSA every time the sun comes up, or they take a dump, or they step on a fucking rake, or some other event that happens all the time.

  2. widestanceromance

    We should all be thanking this man for instilling a strong work ethic upon his left-to-their-own-bootstraps children. Work or die is something all children should be taught by their fathers, along with some True Muscular Jeebis Beatings.

    No son of his is going to grow up to be a welfare queen.

  3. noodlesalad

    I've already got leg shivers thinking about how Barry is going to verbally depants Mittens at the debate. Buh-buh-buh no teleprompterz??? Howzat?? he must be getting secret ear feedz from space. and all sorts of other hilarities.

      1. noodlesalad

        Only because they didn't want to admit that Scaredypants Chickenhawk was wearing double kevlar that evening (one layer is to protect against tough questions).

      2. Isyaignert

        I remember seeing the mysterious box-shaped lump under GeeDumb's jacket. The noise media said, "Nothing to see here, move along, blah, blah. freedom, liberty, blah, bhal."

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Every time this intellectual slumlord bubbles to the surface again it's for something stupider, more attention-starved, more shrill and nonsensical than before. Getting his ass kicked by a legless woman is precisely the exclamation point his career deserves.

    1. Isyaignert

      "Getting his ass kicked by a legless woman" – PRICELESS.

      I'm inspired to send Ms. Baldwin a contribution now.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Duckworth, not Baldwin (I know, it's confusing – who would have ever thought there'd be 2 Tammys running for office?)

  5. Chet Kincaid

    Besides just projecting their own political dysfunction on the President, these guys seem to think that the justified, fact-based criticisms directed at George Bush should automatically be hurled at Barack Obama, because turnabout is false equivalency and all's fair, truth or lie. It is frightening that their voters are too stupid to see through this, and don't want to.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    Yes, Obamer's quite a tyrant. Getting out of Iraqinam. Trying to improve US Amercia healthcare. Killing people with drone armed missiles… (okay maybe.) Letting desperate woman beater Joe Walsh spout bullshit without getting thrown into Gitmo.

    1. MosesInvests

      They say he's crazy but he has a good time (with the moneyz that should be going to child support).

  7. Serolf_Divad

    Firts Barack Obama brought healthcare coverage to the Mexicans and I did not speak out because I was not a Mexican. Then Barack Obama gave healthcare to the blacks, but I did not speak out because I was not black. Then he gave healthcare to the poors and I did not speak out because I was not poor. And when he finally came to give me health care coverage there was no one left to speak out…

    Those who forget history are condemned to repeat it (with more health coverage)
    -George Santayana

  8. IonaTrailer

    “The president doesn’t want to waste scarce resources on young immigrants who have bright futures when we could be using those resources to go after bad guys and I absolutely agree that the president has set a sensible course of action.” said fellow Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill.)

    SO why is Obama going after pot shops here in California??? Lay off my weed, man.

  9. Baconzgood

    Sorry, I maybe a little hung over from yesterday but I felt that post a little hard to follow.

    1. MumbletyRadio

      I couldn't decide, either, if my head hurt from the home-brew consumed last night to celebrate the astro-transition of our planet-home — or from parsing some Strange Text-String. I can't criticize, though; I named my own self "Mumblety_ _" for a reason.

  10. mrpuma2u

    "They say I'm lazy but it take all my time"

    Sod off, Joe. I normally don't wish bad things on people but this jaggoff deserves shingles, a big toe abscess and Giardiaisis all at once. Pay your back child support you deadbeat turd.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, but not until after the voters kick his sorry ass to the curb, and leave him with no health care coverage. THAT is when Pestilence should put the surveryor's mark on him.

      It would be interesting to see if he wants Obamacare repealed, when it's the only thing keeping him alive.

  11. Tryrannically_Joe

    Hey, remember when Bush used signing statements to completely circumvent and ignore the directions and requirements furnished by duly passed laws by Congress? Instead of an executive order that establishes enforcment priorities within the current law without contradicting or circumventing the law itself?

    Yeah, that was fine, because when Bush was in office, Unitary Executive, duh.

    Oh, also, remember when Bush decided that war powers meant he could keep people in cages in Cuba and drown them until they confessed to whatever, mafiosa-style? Yeah, well, Obama's the tyrant, is my main point.

  12. ThundercatHo

    Dear Joe the Asspimple,
    In your quest for absolute and undeserved power may you summon a demon who slowly slurps your intestines while wearing your testicles for earrings.
    Sincerely,
    Every real dad who has paid his child support and every mother and child who need to receive it.

  13. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Walsh should team up with Newt, and split the cost of a hotel hallway. Even at a Motel 6, there'd still be plenty of room for all of their supporters at once.

    The fuckwad could, maybe, send the savings to support his kids.

  14. MosesInvests

    Jewish tradition forbids public humiliation, calling it a crime akin to murder. With ONE EXCEPTION-deadbeat dads were to be made to stand on a barrel in the marketplace, with a sign around their necks saying "Ravens support their young, but I don't."
    Sometimes the old ways are best.

  15. rickmaci

    There have always been asshats as stupid as this guy in Congress. But in the past the leadership told them to STFU or else, kept them on the back bench, got them a chief of staff who knew which side was up or down and beat 'em over the head with shitty committee assignments if they got out of line.

    Ah, nostalgia for the good old days.

  16. TribecaMike

    Are all Tea Party meetings held in the Hall of Mirrors of the Palace of Versailles?

  17. valthemus

    "Let’s import the Prime Minister’s Question Hour…"

    I've watched this on C-SPAN and had fantasies about an American version where we'd see Dubya's first term, on-camera nervous breakdown when he realizes he's supposed to actually know things instead of simply spouting pointless platitudes.

    1. viennawoods13

      We have Question Period here in Canada. It's useless. Tools of the gov't get up and bullshit the time away. Funny, the hack they had responding to accusations of voter fraud in the spring (a used car salesman, no word of a lie) is now under investigation for election finance fraud. That's the calibre of gummint we got up here.

    1. fuflans

      aren't you here in IL? i'm actually working for her campaign (not her district but no one seems to care).

      this one matters on a seriously personal level. in that i seriously hate this tool and will take personal and unseemly delight in his defeat.

  18. SheriffJoeBiden

    Ha! I just checked out his opponent, multiple amputee and veteran Tammy Duckworth's website, and apparently the "real" Joe Walsh, of James Gang and Eagles fame, has endorsed her! That's just awesome.

  19. BerkeleyBear

    This assclown's presence in Congress proves that it is a lot better to keep your mouth shut when you have no clue what you are talking about. He didn't so much win in 2010 as serve as the alternate to a disliked incumbent – he had no money, no media presence and a joke of a campaign. I can only hope that the combination of his own stupidity and redistricting kicks his ass to the curb and he can go back to his life of being a deadbeat dad.

  20. glamourdammerung

    President Obama really needs to respond to Walsh's allegations. Preferably with "that Republican that STILL has not paid his child support is trying to lecture someone?"

  21. dcjdjay

    If his district votes him back into Congress, we need to set up a Soylent Green factory there.

  22. ttommyunger

    He's like these kids who go to talent shows without any. He, like them, obviously has no friends to tell him how loud he sucks, so he keeps on scheduling meet-and-greets and embarrassing himself. Works for me.

Comments are closed.