OAFS OF OFFICE  10:45 am June 21, 2012

Thoughtful Gentleman Rep. Joe Walsh Impugns Intellect Of Poopy-Head President

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Your Wonket cannot get enough of one Mr. Congressman Joe Walsh (R-Collections). Every time he goes out in public — and with apologies to Dan Savage and the Portland, Oregon, Police Bureau — it gets better.

He’s always all “Iraq veteran and septuple amputee Tammy Duckworth is a coward” this, and “I have to live in my office because I’m such a fucking deadbeat” that. He also loves to scream “shut up!” at his constituents, and is just constantly suing his ex-wife for wanting the child support he owes her. Why anyone besides the “fathers’ rights” dudes would ever actually vote for this terrifying pile of rage hormones is anyone’s guess, but it’s America. You can vote however you like!

Mr. The Greatest was explaining to a nipple of TeaNuts how Obama’s using his presidential discretion to decide immigration enforcement priorities for DHS was the worst tyranny America has ever known (duh) when he corrected himself. (A rare occurrence, as Mr. The Greatest usually thinks so hard before opening his drooling shithole.) Why did he correct himself? Because tyrants are smart, which precludes President Harvard Law Review from getting such an honor, because teleprompterz (and also he’s black).

We remember a gauzy time in the distant mists of the past when only civilians would call the president a dumb cunt; it was frowned upon, rather, for elected officials to debase themselves in so inelegant a manner, hip hip cheerio, let us have a spot of tea! And then Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan would go have a blah blah blah. Fuck it! Let’s import the Prime Minister’s Question Hour and Morning Drive-Time Zoo! Let’s let Neil Munro emcee all presidential statements! Let us let President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho determine the fate of legislation by tractor pulls to the death! It’s all good, and it’s all we deserve. [ChicagoSunTimes]

 
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{ 112 comments }

thatsitfortheother1 June 21, 2012 at 10:51 am

I dunno, I kinda liked the James Gang.

iburl June 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Joe Joe and the Chocolate Baddy
(That was for you hardcore Walsh fans only)

johnnyzhivago June 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

Just turn the whole government into a reality show and let Donald Trump, the Kardashians and the Pawn Stars run the whole fucked up shit train.

IonaTrailer June 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

Chumley as Secretary of State!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwesome!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

nipple of TeaNuts

I always went with "gobble of Teabaggers" but I'm not sure yours isn't better, Madame Editrix.

thatsitfortheother1 June 21, 2012 at 10:54 am

Rash of baggerz.

EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

a "murder of NumNutz."

Hera Sent Me June 21, 2012 at 10:58 am

A scrotum of teabaggers.

Estproph June 21, 2012 at 11:03 am

An infestation of teabillies

noodlesalad June 21, 2012 at 11:06 am

A herd of teasheep

MumbletyRadio June 21, 2012 at 11:19 am

an "Island of Misfits."

No, wait — that's us.

gullywompr June 21, 2012 at 11:26 am

A carbuncle of conservatives.

starfanglednut June 21, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Oh, I love nouns of assemblage. My personal favorite is a wake of buzzards.

bikerlaureate June 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm

A murder of GOPatriots.

DemmeFatale June 21, 2012 at 5:23 pm

A barf of baggers.

EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

"Derp derpa derpity derp derp derpo derpy derpo derp derp. And I mean it!"

Limeylizzie June 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

What do those 8 people in that room think about it?

Sharkey June 21, 2012 at 10:54 am

Worst concert ever. They want their money back!

Truantly_Joe June 21, 2012 at 11:11 am

"FREEBIRD!!"

viennawoods13 June 21, 2012 at 11:32 am

Yes, but the lights in the gauze, so pretty!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:54 am

"I dunno, man, I thought he'd pull out his guitar and play 'Rocky Mountain Way'."

Mittens Howell, III June 21, 2012 at 11:08 am

What they're thinking as Joe speaks:

"God I hate black people."
"God I hate black people. "
"God I hate black people. "
"God I hate black people. "
"God I hate black people. "
"God I hate black people. "
"God I hate black people. "
"I wish this guy would stop talking so I can serve him these papers."

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

Any process server who waits for someone to stop talking before serving papers ain't gonna be a process server for very long.

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

They have that motionless, gob-smacked, what-the-fuck's-with-this-guy incredulity that everyone has in these Joe Walsh youtubes. The women, in particular, are afraid to make a move because he might charge at them.

StarsUponThars June 21, 2012 at 10:54 am

Rep. Joe Walsh has a lot of class. Too bad it's all low.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

Be fair now. It's not all low. In fact, quite a lot of it is no.

DerrickWildcat June 21, 2012 at 10:54 am

When Reagan granted Amnesty to illegal immigrants in the early 80's, it was Patriotic, God Damn it!

Hera Sent Me June 21, 2012 at 10:56 am

Stupid is as stupid does.

freakishlywrong June 21, 2012 at 10:58 am

Dear asshole fellow citizens,
Please quit sending face biting, obstinate, paranoid delusionals to represent you in the Gubbmint. This assclown, Boner, Crazy eyes, that Twatwaffle Cantor, Issa, West, etc.. Please keep these worthless fucking lunatics to yourselves and don't inflict them on the rest of us.
Thanks,
U.S. of fucking A.

thatsitfortheother1 June 21, 2012 at 11:00 am

Can I get a Amen?

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

Hell, I'll toss in an "Awomen" too, just for fairness sake.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

I'll toss in a Ramen

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

Common.

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 11:56 am

Glory, hallelujah!

Estproph June 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

HEAR HEAR!

While we're at it, let's make them keep to themselves too. I'm sick of dumb sixtoed goobers screaming USAUSAUSA every time the sun comes up, or they take a dump, or they step on a fucking rake, or some other event that happens all the time.

ThundercatHo June 21, 2012 at 11:27 am

"step on a fucking rake" *chortle, snort* I am so stealing that one.

ThundercatHo June 21, 2012 at 11:26 am

Testify, brother.

Mittens Howell, III June 21, 2012 at 10:59 am

When will Obama cough up child support for Malia and Sasha?

Dr. Nick Riviera June 21, 2012 at 11:08 am

That cheapass makes his wife and kids live with him to save money!

Chichikovovich June 21, 2012 at 11:35 am

In government housing!

horsedreamer_1 June 21, 2012 at 1:23 pm

& they get food benefits!

FlownOver June 21, 2012 at 10:59 am

Happy anniversary, Joe and Joan Walsh.

widestanceromance June 21, 2012 at 11:00 am

We should all be thanking this man for instilling a strong work ethic upon his left-to-their-own-bootstraps children. Work or die is something all children should be taught by their fathers, along with some True Muscular Jeebis Beatings.

No son of his is going to grow up to be a welfare queen.

AddHomonym June 21, 2012 at 11:00 am

Clearly, he is living a Life of Illusion.

noodlesalad June 21, 2012 at 11:00 am

I've already got leg shivers thinking about how Barry is going to verbally depants Mittens at the debate. Buh-buh-buh no teleprompterz??? Howzat?? he must be getting secret ear feedz from space. and all sorts of other hilarities.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 11:22 am

he must be getting secret ear feedz from space

Worked for W, sorta.

noodlesalad June 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

Only because they didn't want to admit that Scaredypants Chickenhawk was wearing double kevlar that evening (one layer is to protect against tough questions).

Isyaignert June 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I remember seeing the mysterious box-shaped lump under GeeDumb's jacket. The noise media said, "Nothing to see here, move along, blah, blah. freedom, liberty, blah, bhal."

SayItWithWookies June 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

Every time this intellectual slumlord bubbles to the surface again it's for something stupider, more attention-starved, more shrill and nonsensical than before. Getting his ass kicked by a legless woman is precisely the exclamation point his career deserves.

Mojopo June 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

Brilliant work. I could kiss the screen.

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Classic.

Isyaignert June 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"Getting his ass kicked by a legless woman" – PRICELESS.

I'm inspired to send Ms. Baldwin a contribution now.

BerkeleyBear June 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Duckworth, not Baldwin (I know, it's confusing – who would have ever thought there'd be 2 Tammys running for office?)

Isyaignert June 21, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Right you are! Thanks for that.

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

Besides just projecting their own political dysfunction on the President, these guys seem to think that the justified, fact-based criticisms directed at George Bush should automatically be hurled at Barack Obama, because turnabout is false equivalency and all's fair, truth or lie. It is frightening that their voters are too stupid to see through this, and don't want to.

fuflans June 21, 2012 at 9:09 pm

you just articulated something that's been nagging at the back of my brain since 2009 at least.

thx for that.

IncenseDebate June 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

Usually the Editrix's mention of nipple gets me excited.

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 11:03 am

In GOP-land, "tyranny" just means "stuff we don't like".

IncenseDebate June 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

In secret GOP-land, "tranny" means means "party time."

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 12:58 pm

As a child, my cruel, despotic mother oppressed me every other week with the tyranny of liver'n'onions, and also salmon croquettes!!

freakishlywrong June 21, 2012 at 11:03 am

nipple of TeaNuts although delicious, aren't we doing vaginas this week?

IncenseDebate June 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

It's my fervent hope.

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 11:19 am

My personal preference is to do vaginas every week.

gullywompr June 21, 2012 at 11:41 am

Insha'Allah.

Lucidamente1 June 21, 2012 at 11:03 am

Needs moar Joe Wilson.

Chow Yun Flat June 21, 2012 at 11:04 am

Tammy Duckworth could beat this guy with one arm tied behind her wheelchair.

ManchuCandidate June 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

Yes, Obamer's quite a tyrant. Getting out of Iraqinam. Trying to improve US Amercia healthcare. Killing people with drone armed missiles… (okay maybe.) Letting desperate woman beater Joe Walsh spout bullshit without getting thrown into Gitmo.

CrunchyKnee June 21, 2012 at 11:08 am

Life has been good to him, so far?

Baconzgood June 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

It's All the Same.

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 11:58 am

They say he's crazy but he has a good time (with the moneyz that should be going to child support).

hollywooddood June 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

Just shut up and support your kids, shitbag.

mrblifil June 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

Let me see, what's the proper way to deal with tyrants I wonder…

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 11:19 am

Surveying!

Serolf_Divad June 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

Firts Barack Obama brought healthcare coverage to the Mexicans and I did not speak out because I was not a Mexican. Then Barack Obama gave healthcare to the blacks, but I did not speak out because I was not black. Then he gave healthcare to the poors and I did not speak out because I was not poor. And when he finally came to give me health care coverage there was no one left to speak out…

Those who forget history are condemned to repeat it (with more health coverage)
-George Santayana

IonaTrailer June 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

“The president doesn’t want to waste scarce resources on young immigrants who have bright futures when we could be using those resources to go after bad guys and I absolutely agree that the president has set a sensible course of action.” said fellow Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill.)

SO why is Obama going after pot shops here in California??? Lay off my weed, man.

Fred_Wertham_Jr June 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

He doesn't want to see the Mom 'n' Pops wiped out by Big Dope. Just trying to level the playing field.

Baconzgood June 21, 2012 at 11:16 am

Sorry, I maybe a little hung over from yesterday but I felt that post a little hard to follow.

MumbletyRadio June 21, 2012 at 11:22 am

I couldn't decide, either, if my head hurt from the home-brew consumed last night to celebrate the astro-transition of our planet-home — or from parsing some Strange Text-String. I can't criticize, though; I named my own self "Mumblety_ _" for a reason.

Allmighty_Manos June 21, 2012 at 11:16 am

Life hasn't been all that good to Joe so far.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

His life is exactly what he deserves — and he made it what it is.

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 11:18 am

Joe Walsh (R-Dunning Kruger)

Baconzgood June 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

But don't bring up St. Ronney.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?stor

mrpuma2u June 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

"They say I'm lazy but it take all my time"

Sod off, Joe. I normally don't wish bad things on people but this jaggoff deserves shingles, a big toe abscess and Giardiaisis all at once. Pay your back child support you deadbeat turd.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

Yeah, but not until after the voters kick his sorry ass to the curb, and leave him with no health care coverage. THAT is when Pestilence should put the surveryor's mark on him.

It would be interesting to see if he wants Obamacare repealed, when it's the only thing keeping him alive.

Antispandex June 21, 2012 at 11:22 am

True, Joe has no social graces, but he's SO eloquent.

BlueStateLibel June 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

I see as usual that the room is full to capacity to hear Joe rave.

Jus_Wonderin June 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

I "contacted" him to tell him he was a idiot.

Tryrannically_Joe June 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

Hey, remember when Bush used signing statements to completely circumvent and ignore the directions and requirements furnished by duly passed laws by Congress? Instead of an executive order that establishes enforcment priorities within the current law without contradicting or circumventing the law itself?

Yeah, that was fine, because when Bush was in office, Unitary Executive, duh.

Oh, also, remember when Bush decided that war powers meant he could keep people in cages in Cuba and drown them until they confessed to whatever, mafiosa-style? Yeah, well, Obama's the tyrant, is my main point.

ThundercatHo June 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

Dear Joe the Asspimple,
In your quest for absolute and undeserved power may you summon a demon who slowly slurps your intestines while wearing your testicles for earrings.
Sincerely,
Every real dad who has paid his child support and every mother and child who need to receive it.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 21, 2012 at 11:39 am

Walsh should team up with Newt, and split the cost of a hotel hallway. Even at a Motel 6, there'd still be plenty of room for all of their supporters at once.

The fuckwad could, maybe, send the savings to support his kids.

Joshua Norton June 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

sociopathic movement hack is sociopathic

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Jewish tradition forbids public humiliation, calling it a crime akin to murder. With ONE EXCEPTION-deadbeat dads were to be made to stand on a barrel in the marketplace, with a sign around their necks saying "Ravens support their young, but I don't."
Sometimes the old ways are best.

lochnessmonster June 21, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I hope that coward Tammy Duckworth wipes the floor with this a-hole!

horsedreamer_1 June 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Duckworth is going to get Chambliss'd.

Another Karl Rove Joint.

TribecaMike June 21, 2012 at 1:27 pm

"Could you speed it up, sonny? Swamp People is comin' on in ten minutes."

rickmaci June 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm

There have always been asshats as stupid as this guy in Congress. But in the past the leadership told them to STFU or else, kept them on the back bench, got them a chief of staff who knew which side was up or down and beat 'em over the head with shitty committee assignments if they got out of line.

Ah, nostalgia for the good old days.

TribecaMike June 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Are all Tea Party meetings held in the Hall of Mirrors of the Palace of Versailles?

Tommy1733 June 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Why ever did his ex decide to get a divorce?

valthemus June 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"Let’s import the Prime Minister’s Question Hour…"

I've watched this on C-SPAN and had fantasies about an American version where we'd see Dubya's first term, on-camera nervous breakdown when he realizes he's supposed to actually know things instead of simply spouting pointless platitudes.

viennawoods13 June 21, 2012 at 10:38 pm

We have Question Period here in Canada. It's useless. Tools of the gov't get up and bullshit the time away. Funny, the hack they had responding to accusations of voter fraud in the spring (a used car salesman, no word of a lie) is now under investigation for election finance fraud. That's the calibre of gummint we got up here.

Maman June 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I am so sick of this loudmouth that I want to vomit.

fuflans June 21, 2012 at 9:15 pm

aren't you here in IL? i'm actually working for her campaign (not her district but no one seems to care).

this one matters on a seriously personal level. in that i seriously hate this tool and will take personal and unseemly delight in his defeat.

SheriffJoeBiden June 21, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Ha! I just checked out his opponent, multiple amputee and veteran Tammy Duckworth's website, and apparently the "real" Joe Walsh, of James Gang and Eagles fame, has endorsed her! That's just awesome.

BerkeleyBear June 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm

This assclown's presence in Congress proves that it is a lot better to keep your mouth shut when you have no clue what you are talking about. He didn't so much win in 2010 as serve as the alternate to a disliked incumbent – he had no money, no media presence and a joke of a campaign. I can only hope that the combination of his own stupidity and redistricting kicks his ass to the curb and he can go back to his life of being a deadbeat dad.

Slim_Pickins June 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Bozo's Circus is back, baby!

glamourdammerung June 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

President Obama really needs to respond to Walsh's allegations. Preferably with "that Republican that STILL has not paid his child support is trying to lecture someone?"

DemmeFatale June 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Hey, Joe: YOU LOSE!!!!

TribecaMike June 22, 2012 at 12:58 am

He gets that a lot.

fuflans June 21, 2012 at 9:16 pm

hahahahaha six people in an empty ballroom in fucking schaumburg.

dcjdjay June 21, 2012 at 9:50 pm

If his district votes him back into Congress, we need to set up a Soylent Green factory there.

ttommyunger June 21, 2012 at 9:59 pm

He's like these kids who go to talent shows without any. He, like them, obviously has no friends to tell him how loud he sucks, so he keeps on scheduling meet-and-greets and embarrassing himself. Works for me.

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