hello gentle people

Are We Going To San Francisco? (Yes)

Look at these fucking hippies

Hey man we’re gonna come up and see you, for the third Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup Happening. It’s far out! When, where, why? Let us find out together!

It will be at 7 p.m., Friday, July 13. The dive bar has not yet been confirmed, but we’ll put that in our reminder post a few days before our party. We will be meeting at the 540 Club, 540 Clement St., at Seventh Ave. Your Wonket does not know where this is! Maybe it is horrible! We are super-excited.

In the meantime, San Franciscans, you do not have to donate to our Beer Fund since you are already getting a party, but don’t you think it’s the right thing to do?





Now let us all get in a groovy mood!

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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287 comments

  1. nounverb911

    I left my heart in San Francisco…..

    Seriously, has anyone seen it? I had it on Lombard Street.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Good thing you didn't drop it on Polk Street. You'd have to have kicked it over to Van Ness before you picked it up.

    2. glasspusher

      If it's on the west side of the hill, it's covered in tranny fluid (any kind). If it's on the east side, probably brake fluid…

          1. HogeyeGrex

            Here I thought you were talking Dexron v. Mercon rather than appletini v. mimosa.

            Or, y'know…

  2. DrunkIrishman

    Wow. Way to play down stereotypes, Wonkette. What next, a trip to a Portland coffee shop to read Trotsky?

        1. chascates

          from Wikipedia:
          An early advocate of Red Army intervention against European fascism, in the late 1930s, Trotsky opposed Stalin's non-aggression pact with Adolf Hitler.

          Hardly a collaborator.

          1. LionHeartSoyDog

            The non-aggression pact was to stall for time while building up defenses against Hitler. A necessary and life-saving move.
            Meanwhile, my understanding is, Trotsky was cutting a deal to give Ukraine to Hitler in exchange for setting up Trotsky as ruler of the remaining USSR.
            Temporarily, for sure, in Hitler's mind.

    1. SmutBoffin

      I put in a "2.5x sawski" for Portland.

      Now I'm off to a tea house to read about raising chickens!

    2. a_pink_poodle

      I've lived in Portland long enough that this happens often enough to be called Trotsky Tuesday.

        1. a_pink_poodle

          Yes the updated calendar was sent out early January from the Great Patriotic Center of the Proletariat. Did you keep your address up to date?

  3. Jus_Wonderin

    Is it okay if I donate when the Wonkette party comes to DFW? (I bet I never have to donate, right?)

    1. commiegirl99

      You might be eating those words. I've got an aunt (who used to be an uncle) in DFW. I love that town!

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Darn it. This means I have to wash some socks. Hey, I will buy a round or two. I might "drink" those words!

  4. MarieDeGournay

    Fucking hippies….having more fun than me…enjoying life….not hurting people….HOW DARE THEY!

    1. James Michael Curley

      Don't know if Mechanics is still open, by that name. Was very trendy in the late 70's early 80's and had a great out door patio overlooking the Delores Mission.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      No problem. I saw an ad in the local classifieds looking for a time travel partner. Be right there (been right there? willen have beening right there? time travel grammar is hard)

    2. DrunkIrishman

      I don't know, man. San Francisco in the mid-80s? That's just askin' for trouble.

    3. superdave

      Or my dorm room in Berkeley back then. The kids on our floor used the floor party money to buy weed. It turned out to be bad stuff. Not that I partook. True story.

  5. gogoguerilla

    I have nothing snarky to say. I'm just excited. I puked a little of my mushroom tea up in my mouth.

    1. SmutBoffin

      I am going to be in Boise next week!

      What kind of toilet paper do you think Craig prefers…the same kind as they have in his favorite airport bathroom stall?

        1. Isyaignert

          Nice segue: Here's a list of common Koch brothers products to nevah, evah buy:

          Angel Soft toilet paper
          Brawny paper towels
          Dixie plates, bowls, napkins and cups
          Mardi Gras napkins and towels
          Quilted Northern toilet paper
          Soft ‘n Gentle toilet paper
          Sparkle napkins
          Vanity fair napkins
          Zee napkins
          Georgia-Pacific paper products and envelopes
          Lycra
          Stainmaster Carpet

  6. Estproph

    Yeah, down by the river
    Down by the banks of the river Charles
    Aw, that's what's happenin' baby
    That's where you'll find me
    Along with lovers, buggers and thieves
    Aw, but they're cool people

    Well I love that dirty water
    Oh, Boston you're my home
    Oh, you're the number one place

      1. Estproph

        It may very well be. I grabbed the lyrics off of a lyrics site, and they often have misquotes.

      1. commiegirl99

        Oh fuck, NEPENTHE. Big Sur is my favorite place in the entire world. And I got so wine-drunk at Nepenthe I couldn't eat my ridiculous delicious dinner. :(

        1. redarmybarbie

          Miss Editrix, a quick question if you will:

          Can we pay a donation in person? My pitiful, inconsistent, and generally unreliable income does not allow me to make use of these newfangled "credit cards" you speak of…

      1. Barb

        Callyson, that would be the best!
        I have tickets for the Chargers v Ravens game and we could get together that weekend.

        1. Callyson

          I'm in!And I hope it's OK to root for the Chargers (Pittsburgh native here, root for my Steelers and whoever plays against Baltimore…)

        2. Callyson

          Check out my reply to Limeylizzie on this thread to make this happen. This could seriously be fun!

    1. PuckStopsHere

      As a decorated veteran of the Detroit "event", I can assure you that it will be worth the drive.

  7. nounverb911

    "The coldest winter of my life, was the summer I spent in San Francisco".
    –Mark Twain

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Or not. (Iwas also heartbroken to learn, a few years ago, that Twain never said "History doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes" or "Wagner's music isn't nearly as bad as it sounds" (which he did occasionally say, but always attributed to its originator, Bill Nye)

      1. glasspusher

        I have found, after a decade out here, the best way to explain the weather here to folks from Back East(tm) is that August and October are switched out here.

      1. James Michael Curley

        It hit 98 on the waterfront in Jersey City today. Blistering with all that humidity we have there.

  8. a_pink_poodle

    What the penis, no Wonkette staff are coming to Seattle but they're all gonna go to San Francisco, the literal ass-crack of the US? I mean seriously, if the Northeast is the US head and Florida is like the forearms, San Francisco and LA are right at the butt. Pacific Northwest is the tail.

    1. scvirginia

      Didn't you pay attention in geography? Florida is the limp dick of the nation, not the forearms. Crikey!

        1. bobbert

          Ok, fine, SF is the cloaca. Butt, you do realize LA and SF are 400 miles (640 km) apart, don't you?

    2. commiegirl99

      You didn't give us much notice on Seattle before you just cold organized it yourselves!

      1. OldWhiteLies

        'SOK. Weejee has the Editrix No Be Here thing covered. At the very least we will have some pictorial representation of you. We'll make sure said likeness is placed in all manner of compromising, er, situations, in the sidewayz pics. Don't worry, your likeness will have a great time. It's the no-hangover way to completely lose an evening.

  9. FlownOver

    Consider the chootspah you'd show by infiltrating Brownbackistan! You can even do it the low-risk way by DrinkyThinging in Lawrence, the blue island in the Red Sea!

  10. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    A Wonkette party in San Francisco is like a pimple on an elephant. Maybe it is interesting, but who is going to notice?

  11. CountryClubJihadi

    Awesome. Friday the 13th and a few days before Mercury goes Retrograde, so the vibes should be interesting. Can't wait.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Is this the dawning of the age of aquarius? I am an aquarius. I'll take some dawning; but hold the age.

  12. greenide1

    The hippies used to wear flowers in their hair. Now they're so old, it looks like they're wearing flour in their hair. Sigh.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I thought the flour in their hair was from the money with bad vibes – sourdough.

    2. finallyhappy

      do not talk about me like that. It is true- I used to paint flowers on my face with Yardley eyeshadow, wear suede fringed vests and wide bell bottoms- now I have a wide bottom and flour hair

  13. bringmeanaxe

    I vote for Martuni's on Market Street. Soup bowl sized martinis for 6 bucks or so.

  14. Antispandex

    " The dive bar has not yet been confirmed…."

    I know a nice little place in China Town that also has an excelent Jasmine tea for the designated drivers. It is the best outside of the real China, I'll bet.

  15. glasspusher

    Hmmm…Ms glasspusher and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary around then…better to go to Tahoe the weekend before so as not to miss this…

    1. gogoguerilla

      Good beer but not necessarily a dive or conducive to large crowds – unless Wonkette can score the upstairs bar?

  16. IonaTrailer

    If anyone is interested I'll organize a Bukowski Memorial Bar Crawl in the dives of San Pedro.

    1. Juan_Oriley

      Damn, I'm in Palm Springs but that might be worth the haul. Would we run into Mike Watt?

    2. IonaTrailer

      We can go to 'The Rebel", "The Indian Room", "The Spot", "Godmother's", "Harold's", "June's Bar" – and read Bukowski poems!

  17. Tundra Grifter

    Smuggler's Cove!

    Seriously (well, not very) anybody coming to The City for this event (or for any other) be sure to visit the Tonga Room. It was going to be closed when the Fairmont went condo. That's on hold – but in my heart of heart's it's only a matter of time.

    Also – for that WW II I'm-going-off-to-War-last-night-in-town vibe, check out the Top of the Mark. What a view!

    Rebecca – in the interests of keeping Wonkettes alive, please pick a spot downtown and near BART! SOMA is full of neat bars.

    Can't wait!

      1. Tundra Grifter

        You mean like the Palmer House in Chicago ("No Jacket Required")?

        I'm old enough to remember when people in San Francisco really dressed. The weather allows it. Noadays you see people in the Financial District going to work in their pj's.

        Go to the Top of the Mark for Happy Hour. Savor one drink. They have the coolest drink menu. Old timey cocktail vibe.

        John's Grill, dead downtown, turned a few lines in "The Maltese Falcoln" into a lifetime promotion. Can't recommend it for dinner – but a great place for a Manhattan.

        1. bobbert

          Also, too, if anybody comes to the city for the first time, they gotta get a drink at the Top. What a view.

    1. bobbert

      When they close the Tonga Room, the heart of SF will take a shot.

      Question: does the lobby bar at the Fairmont still make the world's most lethal G&T? I've not been for five-six years.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Quitcher bitchin — they can't get within a hundred years of Richmond. It's lonely back in time.

  18. Antispandex

    What's wrong with Denver? They have hippies. The alcohol hits better at altitude, or so I'm told. And, I could drive there in less than a day. San Francisco? What a jip!

    1. flamingpdog

      Upthumbs for Denver! But wait til the fall. It's like 451 degrees Fahrenheit here these days.

      1. flamingpdog

        LIke I said, it's like 451 degrees F here. I think Biel came to town without telling anyone.

        1. Designer_Radio

          I remember one time in Denver (2002?) when suddenly it snowed fucking ash all day. I got super-respiratorily sick and feverish shortly thereafter, not sure if coincident or cause. Seriously, Ash Snow — it ACCUMULATED on my car.

          1. flamingpdog

            That would be the Hayman Fire. I don't remember ash fall where I work in SE Denver, but it definitely smelled like there was a fire on the next block, not 90 miles away, and it was harder to breath than usual.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      And there is medicinal mj. We could meet at El Chapultepec, which was a fave of the Beats, as well as Miles Davis and other jazz greats.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      "Norm Slick" just died – remember Henry Africa's, the First Fern Bar? Drank himself to death.

      Towards the end he lived in the front window of Eddie Rickenbacker's (this is not a joke, by the way) sucking oxygen through a tube. Not a pretty site. Remarkably enough, it didn't put a damper on the festivities. Did give me a start one morning when I walked by and saw him in a huddle of blankets.

      1. TribecaMike

        I lived in SF in the early 80's, and one of the first things I was told by the locals was if I had any self-respect I'd avoid Henry Africa's like the plague. Do you know if Ivie's (behind the Opera House) is still around? That was a nice joint. One time, the pope drove right by in his popemobile and all the queers and straights rushed out to cheer, wave and/or flip the bird, and il papa waved back. Don't know if he cheered back, since he was in a bubble.

        More rambling: My fave SF dive bar back then was Dick's, a little family-owned place in Eureka Valley across from the library. All the 60's underground cartoonists hung out there; even R. Crumb came down from the mountain once in a while. Most warped pool table ever, but also the most fun pool table ever, and where I played my best game of my life against the house champ, both of us coked out of our gills. Good times.

        1. bobbert

          Ivie's was nice. Don't know if it's still there — haven't been to the ballet for ten years.

  19. Butch_Wagstaff

    Speaking of San Francisco, if none of you have seen the documentary We Were Here about the early day of AIDS in that city, DO SO. But there's a good possibility that you'll become a crying mess during parts of it.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      It was a plague. I worked in the party and event business and we lost an entire generation of remarkably creative people – set designers, lighting experts, costumers, caterers,waitstaff and bartenders, entertainers, et. al.

      Remember Studio West?

      All gone now…

  20. DustBowlBlues

    This is so disappointing. I was sure other people would join me in selecting the OK Panhandle because of, you know, the dust thing and the Ken Burns doc and probably Jesus. I had the tent ready to pitch over the site of the formerly busy but now ghost town, Beer City, too, hoping we could use wonkette-voodoo to conjure cowboy zombies who could not catch us because they are drunk and then we could laugh at them stumbling and falling on the ground.

    The best defense against the zombie Apocalypse is derision and scorn. Since you want to be in prissy SF, you are just going to have to take my word on that.

    Have fun without me, traitors. (Only on this site would I edit to correct a split infinitive. Are you happy, English majors?)

    1. bobbert

      I'm thinking the panhandle itself is a slightly tough sell because of the transportation thing. Could you do Denver? Obviously, it'd have to be an overnight, just like me coming down from my foothill exile. Just thinkin'.

      BTW, I was a physics major, but I take grammar seriously. And even when I went to school, they told me splitting an infinitive was acceptable if it avoided an awkward construction. ;>)

  21. Blendergoathead

    Lucky 13 in the Castro and Zeitgeist in the Mission both have outdoor areas, just sayin'…

    buttsechs, also!

    1. Naked_Bunny

      Wear a box on your head, Sheriff Volunteer.

      P.S. Put a hole in the front. Turns out it works better that way.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Are you telling him to cut a hole in the box? I wonder what he could put in that hole in the box…

  22. flamingpdog

    Can I send my nephew who lives in SF as an alternate, Commie Girl? He's a writer (= unemployed trust fund baby) and a librul, too, and is a snarkster, also, too.

  23. Tundra Grifter

    I never saw an answer to "The Name Tag Question."

    Do we wear our avatar? I think I volunteered to be someone else – was that you, Miss Taken?

    This is so embarassing – I'm too excited to think clearly. Must be the fumes. Picked a heck of a week to stop sniffing glue…

    1. CountryClubJihadi

      If only we could play "To Tell The Truth" and have the real avatar "please stand up".

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Or "Match the Avator."

        We each bring a copy of our Avatar and it does into a big bowl – like a business card drawing.

        Then Rebecca pulls them out and the crowd tries to pick who it is.

    2. MissTaken

      Wait! If you play MissTaken do I get to play Tundra Grifter? This is all so confusing.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        MissTaken:

        I was befuddled with excitement. I'd promised lisawines to be her if the party ever came to The City. I can't be you because I have already promised another.

        However, since I won't be me you can be me. Just don't try to cash a check anywhere downtown.

        To be or not to be…

  24. Monsieur_Grumpe

    If you ever come to Minneapolis don't do it in the winter unless you really hate yourself.

    1. wolvenwood13

      Don't go in spring, summer or fall either. Trust me, I used to live there once upon a time.

  25. owhatever

    Last chance, Mr/Ms/Mrs/It Wonkette, to have me, the deposed Nigerian prince, pay for your drinking habit. Remember that you will receive half of my vast fortune if you help me recover it. The Brothers Koch and the Trump are showing serious interest, so you must hurry. Credit card and Social Security number urgent quick and drink drunk for free in Saint Frandisco! Your friend, N.P.

    1. flamingpdog

      I would fly in from the wild, wild west for that one. Hometown, more or less, although I haven't lived there since Jeer-old Ford was Prezdint.

  26. Tundra Grifter

    OK – I just spent about half an hour trying to figure out who I had promised to be if Wonkette ever came to San Francisco.

    I felt even more like a jerk than usual because I couldn't remember whom I had promised. A promise to a fellow Wonketter is sacred. Like a blood oath, only serious.

    Well, I figured it out – our American in Paris, Lisawines.

    I'll be there, and I'll be you!

    1. CapnRadio

      From the article:

      A survey conducted in Sept. of last year (PDF) by the University of Maryland found that at least 38 percent of Americans still believe the U.S. “found clear evidence in Iraq that Saddam Hussein was working closely with Al Qaeda.” An additional 15 percent still believe Iraq was “directly involved in carrying out” the Sept. 11 attacks.

      "Okay, next question: 'Do you believe that the U.S. found clear evidence in Iraq that Saddam Hussein was working closely with Al Qaeda?' Uh huh. Okay, then I have two follow-ups: 'Really?' and 'How do you feed yourself?'"

      1. flamingpdog

        True fact: I supported Obama over Hillary in the run-up to the primary (after slimeball Edwards dropped out) for one reason: She had said, when questioned about voting for going into Iraq on the basis of lies, "How could we have known?". Um, maybe by reading multiple news articles on the internet at the time, maybe? That left me with two possibilities: (1) ignorant, or (2) lying, war-mongering bitch.

      2. bobbert

        This is, as they say, why we cannot have nice things (because 38% + 15% of our compatriots are functional morons).

  27. Extemporanus

    I'll be there—wherever the hell there is—huge-ass fucking donation* in hand.

    *(penis?)

  28. flamingpdog

    This is the last blog post of the night? Should have known when I saw the "DONATE" button.

  29. valgal2342

    Wonkette should come to Louisville, KY. It is centrally located and a few hours drive from a lot of places. Yes, we have our teeth & indoor plumbing, yes it's friendly territory and yes….we are a great party town!
    And…..it is quite affordable

    1. mrpuma2u

      Speaking of affordable, do you have a line (we say " I know a guy" in Chicago) on da moonshines? Not the made-in-a-radiator stuff either.

  30. Steverino247

    I can leave work (Vic. 78 and I-5) about 11 a.m. and get there in time for the party, then cruise (wrong word!), er, drive down to Palo Alto where my people will be over the summer and then back home on Sunday. Anyone wants to ride up with me or to be picked up on the way (room for two regular adults and one small one behind me as long as you don't kick my seat and whine about how long it takes to get there) can let me know. You can't smoke (anything) in my car. Similar musical tastes preferred (Zappa, Pink Floyd, etc., anything with a flute, pretty much) but I'm open to new (to me) stuff if it's musical. You'd probably have to stay in the Palo Alto area or meet me there about noon Sunday for the return trip.

    1. fartknocker

      Agreed subsum. We can take them to the Poodle Dog Lounge for the most STDs in Travis County or downtown where we drink Mexican Martinis and Tapas.

  31. ttommyunger

    Girls, keep your legs crossed. Boys, don't bend over….They will trick you and dick you before you can throw them and blow them, just sayin'

    1. bobbert

      1. No

      2. The SF Bay is bordered by wetlands. I presume you already know that there are birds there. You know you'd love it.

    1. bobbert

      For the same reason she didn't try to impeach Bush* — it would have alienated some of the small number of actually independent voters. There aren't anywhere near as many real independents as those who claim to be, but it's possible that 5-10% of voters really do choose candidates without too much partisan pre-selection.

      It was a political decision. Personally, I would have tried to lock the fucker up just to wipe the smirk off his face; but then again, I've never been Majority Leader.

      * Also, too, with respect to W, there was exactly zero chance that he would be convicted by a 2/3 majority in the Senate, so it really would have been a giant waste of time. And, I speculate that if Nancy had allowed impeachment to become the "new normal", we'd already be well into the Obama impeachment hearings.

  32. BoatOfVelociraptors

    I remember doing a meetup in Oakland at some dive bar where you had names carved into the bar. It also had a stripper pole, which was useful for my stripper friends. Everyone was in town prepping for burning man at the warehouse,, so it was kind of a Seattle people pre-funk.

  33. bobbert

    I'm excited. I always like to go into town for a few days every year, and this looks like the time (barring an embarrassing senior malfunction).

  34. NYNYNYjr

    Sweet sweet sweet galloping Jesus… Thomas Kincaide died and today LeRoy Neiman. Satan must have called them home because he needed a huge mural of Michael Jordan dunking a basket outside a shitty little cottage in the hell cafeteria. Goodbye dear Prince Neiman! May your work soon be worth in money what is culturally.

    1. bobbert

      You know, I never really cared about the vast amounts of money Neiman and Kincade collected for their dreck. The only reason to care would be if you thought that they were capturing dollars that might otherwise have gone to real artists.

      But, I think that's unlikely. The folks that bought Tom and Leroy's stuff weren't in the market for art — they were looking for something that matched their decor. There has always been a brisk market in lack-of-surprise.

  35. Pat_Pending

    I'm afraid of what everyone will look like. I went to the Sexy Liberal Show (Stephanie Miller/Hal Sparks/John Fugelsang), and although they're all quite attractive, the audience was… challenged in the mirror, shall we say… and that was SF, ferpetessake,

    1. mrpuma2u

      I too went to the SLS in Chi-town, and it made me feel so young, as most of the aging hippies had age parity with my parental units. I'm no spring chicken but sheesh!

    2. MissTaken

      I assure you I do not look like Judy Jetson in real life. But I do have ten fingers, ten toes, and two boobs.

      And SorosBot thought I was cute enough to put his penis inside me, so there's that.

  36. OneYieldRegular

    I'm so late, and it's so late, and I'm gone for the next week, but I will be there, I will. Thanks!

  37. Biff

    In memory of my dear old, dearly departed Dad, I'd nominate two (formerly) dive bars he used to tend–Murio's Trophy Room on Haight, and/or the Twin Peaks Tavern in the Castro, which is now a well-lit fern bar, so you might want to scratch that one…

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Biff:

      Isn't there also a Twin Peaks Bar at the top of Market Street? Near that grocery store in the litte shopping center.

      1. Biff

        When I lived there, it was on the corner of 17th and Collingwood, across from the old Littleman's Market. I left over 45 years ago, nothing is as it was.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Biff:

          That's the place.

          Somethings are as they were – and some things never was.

          1. Biff

            Memory is faulty, turns out it was at 18th. I moved from the 'hood in 1967, so I am
            A) entitled to forget minor details, and
            2) fucking old.

            On another corner was Gertie Guernsey's ice cream parlor. Loved that place…

  38. fartknocker

    The Fairmont Hotel has an excellent Tiki Bar in the basement which makes beverages that are ignitable. What a fun experience that could be.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Yes! They also run Smuggler's Cove in The City (Gough at McAllister, kinda behind City Hall).

        "How do you make a Zombie?"

        "Get her drunk."

        Sorry to hear about your friend.

  39. Left_Leftie

    This will be the BEST Friday the 13th EVER!
    I vote for Zetgeist! It has same name as that conspiracy movie and there's an outdoor patio at that joint. Yelp description: divey/hipster Blah people (like me) are welcome also too.

  40. DahBoner

    Whatever you do, don't fly into/outof SFO, unless you want to be delayed.

    Try sunny Oakland, instead.

    //Learned the hard way

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Yes – SFO has "Tule Fog" in the early morning. Flight delays are very common.

  41. ttommyunger

    If you go there and are a jogger, you MUST jog the Golden Gate. It is an exhilarating and once in a lifetime experience. Walk it round trip if you don't jog; it is safe and awe-inspiring.

  42. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Fucking hell, that's nowhere near BART or anything handy. Can't trust people from LA to understand public transport, I guess.

    You're trying to get us all murdered, aren't you? Admit it.

    I'll still be there, but I'll MOAN

  43. blatherous

    This will be a good place to meet smart women.

    Nothing better than a hottie who can write well…

Comments are closed.