MUMMYBLOGS  10:05 am June 21, 2012

The Jon Stewart Of Egypt Has His Very Own Glenn Beck

by Lisa Wines

scary monstersIf it wasn’t for Jon Stewart making them all laugh through the pain, libruhls would have slapped their own faces to death a long time ago. But now, the same comic relief is available to Egyptians, who are in much need of humor.

Egypt’s two presidential contenders have each declared themselves the winner every day for the last week or so, not noticing that the military already made itself president. Egyptians also can’t seem to decide if their former dictator, Hosni Mubarak, is dead, half dead, in a coma, rising from the dead or just faking death-by-coma in order to flee the scary prison where everyone wants to keel heem and get on to wherever Ken Lay moved after he faked his death. Uruguay?

But have no fear, the “Egyptian Jon Stewart,” a guy named Bassem Youssef, is here to save the day. Youssef, an Egyptian cardiothoracic surgeon, saw the Daily Show while visiting America and wished Egyptians could have the same kind of show.

Mr. Youssef and some friends filmed a couple of political satire videos in Youssef’s home and put them up on YouTube. Now he’s the most-watched TV show in Egypt. He’ll appear tonight (June 21) as a guest on Jon Stewart’s Daily Show.

But these two yins (Stewart and Youssef) need some yangs for comedy fodder, right? So it’s fitting that as Stewart used to have a grand old time laughing at Beck, Egypt, evidently, has its own Glenn Beck who stars on his very own version of Fox News! Yes, Egyptians actually know who Glenn Beck is (proving American exceptionalism once again), enough to call Tawfik Okasha, owner of Fox News-style propaganda satellite TV channel Al Fara’een, the Glenn Beck of Egypt. Tawfik doesn’t have a blackboard, but he’s just as insane as Beck and spouts conspiracy theories like vaginas do balls at a ping-pong show. Some even say Tawfik’s the guy who started the false rumors of the “Necrophilia Law” that was propagated across the world’s media by journalists who lie in wait for career-making stories about Muslim men earning the legal right to boink their dead wives (within a respectable six hours after death, of course).

But it looks like Tawfik Okasha won’t be fulfilling any of his own fame dreams and appearing on Glenn Beck’s TV radio show anytime soon. While they both have Muslim-hating, fear-mongering and Commie-outing in common, Tawfik believes that there’s a worldwide Masonic super-plot to destroy the earth and Beck’s been known to wear Masonic boy scout patches on his show. This just won’t do. Besides, Beck seems a tiny bit brighter than his Egyptian counterpart. When Beck created his 9/12 project, at least it was based on a real date. Tawfik, on the other hand, is a bit date-challenged:

During one particularly heated broadcast, in which Okasha warned of an impending date when Freemason power would reach its zenith, a frantic studio assistant interjected to point out that there was no such day as 13/13/2013.

 
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{ 90 comments }

FlownOver June 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

Ohhhhh… OK. All this time I thought it was Ken Layne who faked his own death. My bad.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

Who? Never heard of him.

TribecaMike June 21, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Any relation to Frankie Laine?

freakishlywrong June 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

We've become a comedy version of The Mummy, without the funny parts.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

The Glenn Beck of Egypt? Does he draw diagrams on the Pyramids?

weejee June 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

Better than lines in the sand.

PubOption June 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

He could have drawn an eye on the top of a pyramid, and then sold the concept to the US treasury.

ManchuCandidate June 21, 2012 at 10:11 am

Or that doomsday psychos like Bekc (sic) and low grade morans who believe them are common and not strictly US Amercia exceptionalism.

freakishlywrong June 21, 2012 at 10:14 am

Yep, like our poisonous, garbage fast food diet and subsequent obesitah, U.S. America is #1!

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:11 am

Muslim men earning the legal right to boink their dead wives

Wait. How can they tell they're dead? I mean, mine never moved and she was very much alive.

starfanglednut June 21, 2012 at 10:37 am

Dude, whose fault is that?

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:40 am

Shut up, you.

finallyhappy June 21, 2012 at 10:45 am

That is a really old joke- on a beach in France, a man is making love to a woman when another man runs up to him and says " Mon Dieu, she is dead, what are you doing?" and the first guy says "Sacre Bleu, I thought she was American" (it makes it french because you throw in french words and say it was in France)

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Two preppies are making love. The man asks, "Muffy! Is everything alright?"

"Quite, Biff. Why do you ask?"

"You moved!"

Ruhe June 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

The fact that the Gregorian calendar fails to reveal the reality of the 13/13/2013 doom-date only serves to show the awesome power and breadth of the Masonic conspiracy. Duh!

BTW, can we expect a lot of ping pong balls on that day?

IncenseDebate June 21, 2012 at 10:14 am

I have noticed a shift from balls to vagina as Wonkette's number one word.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:21 am

Mommy blogs do that.

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

See! When women take over, they start ramming vagina down your throat!!

starfanglednut June 21, 2012 at 10:38 am

Ah, you wish.

IncenseDebate June 21, 2012 at 10:42 am

This is what is known as a clammy sammy.

Mittens Howell, III June 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

vaginaballs

Doktor Zoom June 21, 2012 at 10:14 am

And of course, the Glenn Beck of America will happily tell us that there is ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE between these guys, because Egyptian = Muslin terrist.

Pragmatist2 June 21, 2012 at 10:15 am

Mubarak is going for a new reality show called "The Real Return of the Mummy."

starfanglednut June 21, 2012 at 10:15 am

Silly studio assistant. 13/13/2013 is a perfectly cromulent date.

doloras June 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Lousy Smarch weather!

Doktor Zoom June 21, 2012 at 10:16 am

Mind you, the Muslims only boink their dead wives because of the positioning.

My god…Penguins are Muslim!

starfanglednut June 21, 2012 at 10:39 am

And penguins have teh ghey! Wake up sheeple!

Joshua Norton June 21, 2012 at 10:18 am

the Glenn Beck of Egypt

Can you really be a white supremacist if you're not white?

FlownOver June 21, 2012 at 10:36 am

Maybe you can in Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.

Mittens Howell, III June 21, 2012 at 10:18 am

A crazed woman currently roams Egypt on a camel, spraying bile, spittle, and incomprehensible curses over small villages, as she waits to be discovered by some ancient wannabe-dictator and be elevated to her rightful position as the Sarah Palin of Egypt.

ManchuCandidate June 21, 2012 at 10:25 am

No. Unlike US Amercia, she remains in the desert and ignored.

fuflans June 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm

oh dear god that's funny.

KennyFuckingPowers June 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

If that fucking Beck points anything at me I will break it off and shove it up his ass sideways. I don't care if he would enjoy it. I only know I would.

randcoolcatdaddy June 21, 2012 at 10:21 am

That's all well and good, but what we really want to know is who the Sarah Palin of Egypt is.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2012 at 10:32 am

I'm thinking it's probably this chick.

lisawines June 21, 2012 at 10:42 am

ohhhh. Good call. I was getting ready to see if I could find one and you nailed it.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

Uruguay?

Why yes, yes I am. And, as rumor would have it, so is the Beckster.

DerrickWildcat June 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

It's because they want you to think there's no 13/13/2013

MumbletyRadio June 21, 2012 at 10:25 am

Egyptians also can’t seem to decide if their former dictator, Hosni Mubarak, is dead, half dead, in a coma, rising from the dead or just faking death-by-coma

New reality-lameTV series deserves a pitch: "Where What In The World Is Hosni Mubarak?"

finallyhappy June 21, 2012 at 10:46 am

He stole the whole thing from Thor(1)

PubOption June 21, 2012 at 10:55 am

I think that both Tito and Franco have already tried this.

SorosBot June 21, 2012 at 10:25 am

I think I understood Egyptian politics more when it was all about brothers and sisters marrying each other while secretly plotting to have the others assassinated.

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 11:47 am

Have you been introduced yet to the House of Windsor?

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

Cleopatra libel!

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 10:26 am

"Egyptian Jon Stewart"! Congratulations, Sir, that is the kind of initiative that will get you assassinated!

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 10:26 am

Mubarak is such a flip-flopper.

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:35 am

This is why a zombie will never be President of Amercia. Can't make up his mind.

Not_So_Much June 21, 2012 at 10:29 am

So, Tawfik Okasha is a lying Mormon moran too?

mavenmaven June 21, 2012 at 10:32 am

"Breaking News: Hosni Mubarak is still dead"

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

So's JFK, but that doesn't keep him from making headlines.

mavenmaven June 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

OK, I guess that was a reference for the older members of the Wonkette community. For the youngins, see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESyTVnxxrPc

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 10:36 am

Egypt, now? Which of your many passports did you use to obtain these scoops — perhaps "Lisabad Al-Winez-Kotb Abdul" of Morocco?

lisawines June 21, 2012 at 5:03 pm

That's my new favorite name! I'm in so many places at once, I wake up and don't know where I am. Then the gas truck makes its way down the street with the speaker yelling "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHZZZZZZZZ GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHZZZZZZZ" and cutesy music playing a full blast and I turn back over and go to sleep sighing, "Oh yeah, Mexico."

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 6:23 pm

If you run into Rick Bayless down there, stop him before he steals any more recipes!

lisawines June 21, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I will! Commie recipe stealer!

freakishlywrong June 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

OT, but I still can't see any of my Wonkateers faces in Firefox? Is every one else still blind?

Chet Kincaid June 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

Nope, that got fixed within the day it was happening.

PubOption June 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

Avatars are showing on this computer, which is also connecting through Firefox.

scvirginia June 21, 2012 at 1:51 pm

No trouble on Firefox or Safari, but maybe it will help to empty your cache?

SayItWithWookies June 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

I'm glad Egypt's relaxed enough to stand a little satire — for now. But when Egypt gets its own Richard Dawkins that'll be news.

Estproph June 21, 2012 at 10:42 am

I wonder who the Michelle Malkin of Somalia is?

FlownOver June 21, 2012 at 10:55 am

There can be only one.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 21, 2012 at 10:44 am

A guy,
living in Egypt,
forever renowned as the home of ancient pyramids,
hates Masons.

smh

Oblios_Cap June 21, 2012 at 10:46 am

like vaginas do balls at a ping-pong show

That's one American Idol act I'd vote for!

If I watched American Idol.

Arkoday June 21, 2012 at 10:51 am

Ah yes. The dreaded 13th month of 2013. Did the Mayans know about this? Is this when the real "Return Of The Dummy" takes place?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 21, 2012 at 10:54 am

Wait – Tawfik Okasha is a right-wing muslim-hating nutbag? How does that work, in Egypt? I thought medieval Xtarded religiosity was part of being a wingnut. Is there, like, a whole other orthogonal axis of nuttery out there?

lisawines June 21, 2012 at 5:06 pm

It would have been more accurate for me to have written Muslim Brotherhood-hating. Sorry. He's a Mubarak/military-loving guy. Those two extremes (military Shafik and MB Mursi) are echoed in the current election fiasco too.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 5:40 pm

So the system has given the electorate a choice between two unacceptable alternatives? That sounds awfully familiar.

This whole "democracy" thing seems to need a bit of tweaking.

lisawines June 22, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Yeah, democracy is messy, especially when you have what is basically a military coup right now. Not sure how that's going to turn out. The people on the Egypt twitter feed I follow are predicting that even though the MB guy probably won, the military is just going to announce that the old-regime guy won. So, there are hundreds of thousands of people demonstrating yesterday and today in Cairo, Alexandria… It's a big uh-oh.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I just worry that the military is going to look at Tienanmen Square, and see a good precedent.

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

Ironically, 13/13 is occasionally a valid date in the Jewish calendar.

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

9 years out of every 17, yep.

Guppy June 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Other way around: 7 out of 19.

MosesInvests June 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm

D'oh! You're right of course. Is there an equivalent of dyslexia with numbers?

doloras June 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm
CapnRadio June 21, 2012 at 10:58 am

What I can't stand are those damned commercials for Pharoh's Goldline.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 5:41 pm

But look at the increase in value over the last 4,000 years!!

CapnRadio June 21, 2012 at 11:00 am

and spouts conspiracy theories like vaginas do balls at a ping-pong show.

I'm afraid that you're headed for a time out, Lisa.

lisawines June 21, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I've been in the corner all day. Poppin' balls 'til Rebecca lets me out again.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Sigh … vaginas and ping-pong?
Why do I get the feeling I'm not spending enough time on the internet?

EDIT:
Not only does Google have an answer … the topic has its own freaking Wikipedia page. This is either appalling, or a very good thing — and if it's a good thing, that's appalling.

Antispandex June 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

"….also can’t seem to decide if their former dictator, Hosni Mubarak, is dead, half dead, in a coma, rising from the dead or just faking death-by-coma…."

You know, at one time in our history, we had the same situation. I mean, who doesn't fondly remember trying to decide if Price Ronald of Reagan would wake up from one of his power naps, that he so frequently took in the middle of important meetings? Good times people, good times.

Supremectjester June 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

Mubarak is Schrödinger's cat — dead and alive at the same time depending on your politics.

Designer_Radio June 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm

stories about Muslim men earning the legal right to boink their dead wives (within a respectable six hours after death, of course).

Stop making me LOL in my work cube! It's NOT professional.

animal_warrior June 21, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Too funny…Watching Stewart imitate Beck was one of the funniest of his always funny show. It's also so refreshing to see the guy call out all the other news shows on their distortions and lies.
Love the guy. Can't wait to see the show tonight with Bassem Youssef.

ttommyunger June 21, 2012 at 10:04 pm

They know about Beck in Egypt? God, I am so embarrassed to be an American some days…

Biel_ze_Bubba June 22, 2012 at 5:51 pm

The good news is, they know he's insane. It may be a good sign that 100% of Egyptians are smarter than 20% of Americans. Good for Egypt, I mean.

ttommyunger June 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Sadly,l'm not surprisedSent from my iPhone

actor212 June 21, 2012 at 10:16 am

I'm not sure robot wives count as dead.

Biff June 21, 2012 at 1:02 pm

So long ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday…

lisawines June 23, 2012 at 9:13 am

They already killed a lot of people in the protests before Mubarak's ouster. There was even a time when they rode through Tahrir square on camels and mowed people down – and the generals got cleared of those crimes at the same time that the courts sent Mubarak to prison (and out of his cushy hospital). I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't fake his coma/death/undeath recently to get back to his cushy hospital since it took them 4 hours to pry him out of the helicopter that took him directly from the court to the prison. I haven't checked the Egypt news yet today but I know that the army has been beefing up their presence ahead of their announcement today or tomorrow of who "won" the presidential election. All hell could break loose.

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