CRIMINALS  2:30 pm June 20, 2012

Romney Campaign Finds New Goon To Love

by Ron Garmon

Would you buy a used car from this man?News that the Romney campaign has taken on top gun “electoral strategist” Nathan Sproul gets unsurprisingly little attention. Distinguishing this Sproul from other vague shapes now buzzing the Citizen’s United honeywagon are long-buried reports of behavior that gives oppressive right-wing polluter-friendly theocracy a bad name.

Lone, widely spaced APBs lean heavily on words like “goon,” “dirty trickster,” “brass knuckle tactics,” and “Teflon-style staying power” to describe Mr. Sproul and his contributions to 21st century democracy. This year, the good news for Sproul is that persistent allegations of massive “voter registration fraud” — as recounted by Sam Stein in this 2008 HuffPo expose -– are wingnut media’s wet dream of how Democrats get into office, so expect to hear little out of our brave liberal press about this veteran fixer in the months ahead.

Sproul’s labors across several states on behalf of the G.O.P. are said to have included throwing away registration forms, altering election documents and firing workers who registered Democrats. The Dubya-era Justice Department passed on investigating Sproul, whose Lincoln Strategy Group went on to cuddle up to Big Coal. Democrats, even heavyweights like Ted Kennedy and John Conyers, complained early and often, but few in the media listened and none remembered once James O’Keefe concocted the ACORN scandal.

So, who is this shadowy Sproul? Well, if an orphaned Wikipedia page may be trusted, a “typical Mayberry Machiavelli” would be close enough. Graduate of Pillsbury College and the University of Phoenix, he served as the executive director of the Arizona Republican Party and chief of that benighted state’s Christian Coalition. He holds forth here, chiding Democrats and boosting wingnuts in buttery Chamber of Commerce tones. Colson, Liddy, Mitchell, all the boys in Nixon’s bag, were Mad Men era tough guys alongside a concern-junkie like Sproul, who doubtless would’ve wracked Tricky Dick’s nerves with all his talk of a War on Christmas.

Indeed, some Republicans are uneasy with Sproul, perhaps understanding in their very dim way that the party’s persistent need for such operators doesn’t say much for the vaunted superiority of conservative “ideas” in a supposedly free marketplace. Former Rep. Chris Cannon (R-UT) noted “the difference between ACORN and Sproul is that ACORN doesn’t throw away or change registration documents after they have been filled out.” The reported $71,391 forked over by Romney is small change compared to $8.5 million Sproul & Associates reportedly got out of the Bush-era G.O.P. As early as 2004, Salon.com’s Farhad Majoo asked “Doesn’t the Republican Party fear being associated so closely with a man, and a firm, whose record is less than fully aboveboard?”

Fade in eight years later and news Republicans in the far West actually have a touring shithouse makes rather too much sense.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 62 comments }

chascates June 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Wow, is he part of the Chicago mob?

Beowoof June 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I think in Chicago or any other place where the mob has operations a guy such as this would have a very tough time. He might even run into some unfortunate life altering wise guys with an attitude.

LionHeartSoyDog June 20, 2012 at 4:31 pm

All Capoon?

Lucidamente1 June 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Listen, Ron Garmon, you come between a Republican candidate and his ratfucker, and the terrorists have won.

coolhandnuke June 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Would someone please kidnap this Nathan Arizona.

nounverb911 June 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I thought his first name was "Unpainted"?

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

He's obviously not "the best one of the bunch".

Callyson June 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

There's what's right and there's what's right and never the twain shall meet.

YouBetcha June 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

University of Phoenix? Two bit diploma mill. If you want real talent, you have to go to Liberty U. Also, this guy has moderately more sex appeal than Karl Rove, so therefore, also too, sure why not?

Gratuitous World June 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

this is what democracy crooks like!

BornInATrailer June 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Pillsbury College? Of course he's manipulating the rolls! lolbakedgoodsjoke

Spurning Beer June 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Home of the Fighting Dough-boys!

coolhandnuke June 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

The Beasts of the Yeast.

nounverb911 June 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The Fighting Yeast Infections?

elviouslyqueer June 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Joshua Norton June 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

“the difference between ACORN and Sproul is that ACORN doesn’t throw away or change registration documents after they have been filled out.”

Leave it to the liberal press to get upset before all the facts are swept under the rug.

Come here a minute June 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Graduate of Pillsbury College

Lemme guess — the Fightin' Doughboys?

Spurning Beer June 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Wow, that was close.

Thurman Munster IV June 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The Fighting Yeast Infections

OzoneTom June 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I can't wait for this to blow up in Gov. Romney's face.

Ben Cisco June 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Like a badly-mixed cake in a Three Stooges or Our Gang short.

"Weep-Woowwwww!"

DangerHelvetica September 28, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Prescient!

Extemporanus June 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Rocky!

ThundercatHo June 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I'm sure he'll be a valuable asset to the sterling team of RmoneyCo.

SorosBot June 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

“Doesn’t the Republican Party fear being associated so closely with a man, and a firm, whose record is less than fully aboveboard?”

No. This is the party of W., Karl Rove and Nixon, remember.

Pragmatist2 June 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

But, you see, there is a two big differences between voter fraud allegations involving Republicans and those involving Democrats: The Republicans are White and they actually did commit voter fraud.

Spurning Beer June 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

You know who else was described as a “typical Mayberry Machiavelli”?

Baconzgood June 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Barney Fife?

James Michael Curley June 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Piero the Unfortunate?

CapnRadio June 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Floyd the Prince?

Dildeaux June 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

If it werent for Obama creating such a toxic atmosphere, guys like Sproul wouldnt need to exist.

MissTaken June 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

That face might be proof that evolution does not exist.

LastGasp June 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Graduate of the University of Phoenix; chief of Arizona's Christian Coalition.

Say no more — he got his diploma from a degree mill and he's a religious blowhard. Those aren't exactly sterling credentials.

bureaucrap June 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Wait, does that mean you can get a better degree in "voter fraud" at Harvard, now? Perhaps that's where mittens got his.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

This year, the good news for Sproul is that persistent allegations of massive “voter registration fraud”

Silly Wonkette, read the WSJ or any Conservative web site. Only Democrats commit voter fraud. And that is mostly done by black , brown and/or poor Democrats. Rich White People are job creators and the center of our Democracy.

Sheesh.

bureaucrap June 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Exactly. No "qualified" voter would ever vote Democrat in the first place, so you're just doing the system a favor by throwing out their registrations now.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Ugh. That guys smile makes my skin crawl.

Maman June 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Nothing like a candidate without a moral center surrounding himself with criminals and sociopaths!

southernbeale June 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

IIRC Sproul used to be head of the Arizona Christian Coalition. Which is just so perfect. OF COURSE he was. Never saw a bigger bunch of sleazebags, cheats and liars in my life.

mavenmaven June 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Nixon-ostalgia!

Billmatic June 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Wow I thought that University of Phoenix MBAs were a punchline and didn't actually exist.

CapnRadio June 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

ACORN? Why that's a voter registration dust-up of a different color.

not that Radio June 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm
johnnyzhivago June 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

He looks like an Acura salesman.

SorosBot June 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

He's even more like Joe Isuzu.

Jus_Wonderin June 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Is that Lenny or Squiggy?

BornInATrailer June 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

And I'm beaten to the Lenny reference.

Baconzgood June 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Where's the voter fraud screeching now?

BornInATrailer June 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

If a young Michael McKean had sold his soul, that is what he'd look like.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Didn't I see this guy in a commercial? I think he was talking about how he got his masters degree in election fraud while keeping his day job as an aging rentboy. He's a "phoenix!"

TootsStansbury June 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Nightmare material there. What happens if these people actually prevail?

SayItWithWookies June 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Wow, that upstanding young Mormon fella sure as shit knows a lot of sleazy bastards.

rickmaci June 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"A prince being thus obliged to know well how to act as a beast must imitate the fox and the lion, for the lion cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves. One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps, and a lion to frighten wolves." Nicolo Machiavelli

This re-election will depend entirely on whether BHO has an inner lion. After three years, I would say not but there may be something there we have not seen. A lion would have this guy under a full press investigation by the Justice Department, not be struggling to have his Attorney General fend off some pip squeak wingtard congressman.

bureaucrap June 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Also, a propos of Sproul, he is intent on acting like a rat — a spreader of disease and pestilence.

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Nathan? Really? How prescient of his parents to name him after a snack food made of lips, taint and assholes.

YasserArraFeck June 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Alt Aly Text "Would you run over this man in a used* car?"

*Ah, fuckit – in any car

owhatever June 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Abraham Lincoln, vampire killer, is looking for this guy.

Zombie_Reagan June 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

"the difference between ACORN and Sproul is that ACORN doesn’t throw away or change registration documents after they have been filled out."

No, the difference is: ACORN = uppity blahs; Sproul=upstanding white Christian

TribecaMike June 20, 2012 at 4:00 pm

The Romney campaign is in grave danger of becoming too ethnically diverse.

arihaya June 20, 2012 at 10:40 pm

why yes,, Human, Ferengis, Hutts, Vogons… Mittens campaign is very differse indeed

GemlikeFlame June 21, 2012 at 10:04 am

Karl Rove Lite.

CBeat2Citibank June 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

O man RG in the house!!!
I thought that constant pinging outside my bedroom door last night were your brainwaves garmonizing even though you're 5,000 miles away…
step it up

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