no means no

A Children’s Treasury Of Impolite-For-Mixed-Company Signs From Michigan’s Vagina Fest

Your Wonkette did not go to the Vagina Monologues fun time at the Michigan State Capitol because Lansing is a long drive. Also, with that many women gathered in one place, you’re liable to attract bears. Fortunately, there were no bear attacks Monday and even more fortunately intrepid gay Todd Heywood braved this sea of vaginally endowed activists for local LGBT newspaper Between The Lines. Heywood (a fantastic journalist who’s done some incredible work on public health policy) and his employer were kind enough to share these pictures from an event Larry Craig might describe as “icky.”

When the word vagina is uttered in the men’s grill at Augusta National, it sounds like a chorus of angels singing from heaven.

Is that before or after it’s drowned in a bathtub?

Four out of five adolescent boys prefer wearing a Team Vagina baseball cap to the new Miami Marlins hat.

Thanks to Michigan’s brave lawmakers, every little girl can now dream of one day being denied the right to speak on the state House floor. USA! USA! USA!

Someone so got lucky Monday night.

About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

View all articles by Jeff Wattrick

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    Hey, I want in "Team Vagina"!

    • UnholyMoses

      I'd like to be their tight end.

      No, wait …

      • Blix

        Better than being the wide receiver.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I'm on the fence: in, or out, in or out? Not sure. I'm trying both

    • AddHomonym

      Team? Call me old-fashioned but I say, one at a time. Focus!

    • Crank_Tango

      I will be the one dumping, um, gatorade all over the team after the big game.

      ETA, I was thinking of a different team vag, the JV squad maybe.

    • Negropolis

      Well, first you have to take the team out to dinner and ply them with gifts…

  • Pragmatist2

    Looks like a good place to pick up women.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hey baby, I'll protect your hoo-ha from the GOP.

    • StanleyPain2

      "Hey, wanna come over to my place and say 'vagina' as much as you want?"

  • Baconzgood

    I was talking about my rug.

    -The Dude-

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

      What a way to "pull the womb together", amirite?

    • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

      Over the line.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Giving the menfolk vangina since 2012.

  • MacRaith

    RE the last picture caption: I'd say that luck had nothing to do with it.

  • CrunchyKnee

    I [heart] vaginas.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    To be honest I do sometimes refer to my son's penis as his 'pee pee'? Does this mean I am a Communist?

    • Fare la Volpe

      You might want to quit that before he starts sophomore year.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        Hee hee…he's 7–we're transitioning to 'penis' as we speak. Well, not literally…

        • elviouslyqueer

          Oh now you've done it. Countdown to drunken Mark Foley sext in 3…2…1…

        • jodyleek

          My 7 yr old son calls it a penis, but I refer to it as his dingle-dangler when he's
          runnin' 'round the house nekkid!

          • Texan_Bulldog

            We don't let the boy run around naked anymore. We have 2 dogs of questionable intelligence/sanity who might mistake his dangly bit for a Snausage. We decided we don't ever want to have to explain that one to an ER doctor.

          • Doktor Zoom

            "Homer, I can see your doodle!"

            N. Flanders

          • viennawoods13

            We always went with the technical terms in our house. Two stories: One, my little guy was running around nekkid in the back yard when he was about 2. I laughed at him and said, "You look so funny running around with your little penis waving in the breeze." He stood up very straight, and said, "No, mommy! BIG penis!" 2 years old.
            Two, my older son, at about the age of 4 was at the babysitters, and said to a little girl whose undies were showing, "I can see your vagina!" Well, babysitter, mom of 5, was horrified. She said "My daughter is 11 and just learning words like that, and that's the way it should be." No word of a lie, 4 years later that girl was pregnant. So, the old don't let them know the words and they won't use them strategy didn't work out so good.

  • niblick77

    From a man's perspective I would just like to say that I enjoyed the limited times I have had the pleasure of being in a woman's Vagina. I just hope there are more opportunities to be in a woman's Vagina in the future. I am, also, a big supporter of women's breast. Power to the Vagina!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      See, liberals and conservatives share one thing in common: we're both trying to crawl back into the womb. Liberals try to do it by being nice to the lady. Conservatives do it by being a bigger prick.

      • niblick77

        "Conservatives do it by being a bigger prick." – In their dreams!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          When you don't have one, you have to be one.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyRadio

      supporter of women's breasts

      ISWYDT!

      • Crank_Tango

        Yeah, good one, brah!

  • Fare la Volpe

    with that many women gathered in one place, you’re liable to attract bears.

    Relax, hon. All the bears are over in Ferndale for Pride.

  • sezme

    Michigander males would prefer it if you referred to them as "dick holders".

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Dick muffs?

      • Crank_Tango

        Cock cozies?

  • freakishlywrong

    "Hey Freakish, what choo up to"?
    "Meh, nothin', just airing out the patooty".
    (This was a real conversation).

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Sky diving lesson?

  • Baconzgood

    There really is a gaping hole in this country's vigina dialogue.

  • HempDogbane

    Vaginas are also nice without the DayGlo colors.

    • Guppy

      In fact, the presence of DayGlo colors is usually a bad sign and an indication that a shot of penicillin is in order.

  • bureaucrap

    Hey, I'm a slut (male) and I vote too!! That gives me an idea for a Super-Pac!

    • Guppy

      What are you going to call it, the Key Party?

      • Doktor Zoom

        Anything but the Lemon Party

        • Guppy

          Around here it's called the Senate Republican Caucus.

    • Geminisunmars

      Dic-Pac? Pee-pee Pac? Pac(k)ing Penis?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Needs moar vagina

  • freakishlywrong

    Never referred to my vajajay as a "wee wee"; but have referenced a "wide on" on occasion.

    • SoBeach

      Thumbs up.

    • Limeylizzie

      Me too!

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Bad Timing for Romney's "Let Michigan's Vaginas Go Broke," article in tomorrow's Detroit Free Press.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Michigan the new Taliban Republic.

    You go grrrlz, and guyz, before they start to demand burqas.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I don't like little kids being used in political battles that they don't fully understand. Otherwise, how f'n ridiculous.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I think the kid gets it — it's the adults who are having the problem.

  • UnholyMoses

    I came from a vagina (and in quite a few others) and someday I wouldn't mind dying in one.

    • PubOption

      The old business of coming and going at the same time?

    • Doktor Zoom

      I do that all the time. In the Shakespearian sense, at least.

  • mavenmaven

    Political Activism Tip: In today's sociopolitical environment, unless your sign is grossly misspelled, no one will pay any attention.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Furgina, for instance?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Or awesomely witty (google Westboro Baptist at Comic-Con)

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    In a fair world, Vagina would be an Olympic discipline, and the Team Vagina would become the Vagina Team.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Can you still say Vart in Michigan?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Coochie snortcher LIBEL.

  • freakishlywrong

    Conservatives must be recoiling in horror at these photos. They're more "dick men" themselves.

  • SorosBot

    Fox News will say this is why the Nineteenth Amendment should be repealed.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    In the future, our ill-educated youth will confuse this whole lady business with the Love Canal Disaster.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Michigan women, I applaud your efforts to protect the rights of your ladyparts and I sincerely hope we can look forward to more day-glo protest signs as we approach November.

    Remember – an angry vagina may be the only thing standing between humanity and four years of Mitt Romney.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Blah, blah, blah. Everybody knows that if vaginas were really that great God would have given them to men instead of the ladies. It's in the bible, look it up.

    • ElPinche

      It's also in the Constitution(tm)

    • eggsacklywright

      Correct. It's under carpet bombing the vast tundra: 24, verse palm sundae. I seen it my own self.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I have cramps. Stupid uterus.

  • RomanSolo3000

    Needs moar Bristol's vagina.

    • Guppy

      No, I think Bristol's vagina has gotten more than enough exposure, tyvm.

  • ThundercatHo

    Dear Michigan GOPee-Pees,
    If you don't know that "vagina" is correct terminology for part of a women's reproductive system then you most certainly don't know how to correctly use one. Also, if you keep this up you're gonna need to change your dumbass slogan, "Pure Michigan", to "Pure Dickwads".
    Sincerely,
    A Vagina Owner
    P.S. Power to the Pussies!

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    I heart the "slut" in the first pic.
    I'll bet she's a lot of fun.
    (Nice way to start the day for a change.)

  • PubOption

    I suspect that a synonym for vagina has been uttered many times in the men's grill at Augusta National.

  • ThundercatHo

    Also, too, I vote for Rebecca to be head coach of our vagina team.

  • eggsacklywright

    Isn't Vagina a city in Canadialand? Somewhere in Saskootchawan?

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      It's somewhere near Vancooter, I think.

      • viennawoods13

        Then there's the Beaver Valley. Did you know that Flesherton, Ontario proudly proclaims itself the "Gateway to the Beaver Valley?" I really wish that I'd taken a picture of that sign.

  • ElPinche

    I love "sluts" and vaginas. Go team go!
    Srsly, I can't believe we're protesting this in 21st century, but then again , the USA did go full-reetard in baggerville when Obama took office.

  • SayItWithWookies

    When the word vagina is uttered in the men’s grill at Augusta National, it sounds like a chorus of angels singing from heaven.

    Silly, there's no "men's grill" at Augusta National — there's the grill and then there's the women's grill.

  • An_Outhouse

    I thought bears weren't so fond of chicks. I would provide a link but all the ones I find are NSFW.

  • fawkedifiknow

    If you say "vah-jeye-na" and I say "vah-gee-na" does that mean we have to call the whole thing off?

  • An_Outhouse

    Any signs that said " See you Next Tuesday"?

  • ph7

    Upper PENISula.

    • eggsacklywright

      Remembering Grace Slick: "No man is an island. He's a peninsula."

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    It's actually true about chicks attracting bears, check out this pic.

  • hagajim

    I may not be in Michigan, but I believe its fair to say that I'm a HUGE supporter of the vagina!

  • Wilcoxyz

    No "Read my lips"? C'mon, vagina-Americans.

  • Antispandex

    OK, you've got a vigina, we get it! What we want to know is, is anyone using it? If not, could we borrow it for a bit? What's with making it all political?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    it's like every once in a while something deep underground in some forgotten aquifer rises up and causes entire societies of otherwise reasonable people to become batshit insane.

    i believe it is supposed to have happened in medieval france.

    apparently it is now one of those times for michigan.

  • ttommyunger

    I cunt think of a thing to comment, so I guess I'l snatch this opportunity to dive into a taco or maybe some clam chowder. My cat loves clam chowder, and there's nothing better than a full pussy, dontchaknow. Twat say? You're offended? You're going to sue me for Labial? Would that be Major or Minor? I say get off your high-clitoris cause it taint gonna happen. asshole. Did I miss anything?

  • glamourdammerung

    The first picture gave me PUMA flashbacks.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Right-wing crazies in Michigan's congress attempting to fit all of female America with a legislative chastity belt inspires an impromptu vagina-fest. It's times like this that I'm quite sure I just don't know what "normal" is anymore.