NO MEANS NO  10:22 am June 20, 2012

A Children’s Treasury Of Impolite-For-Mixed-Company Signs From Michigan’s Vagina Fest

by Jeff Wattrick

Your Wonkette did not go to the Vagina Monologues fun time at the Michigan State Capitol because Lansing is a long drive. Also, with that many women gathered in one place, you’re liable to attract bears. Fortunately, there were no bear attacks Monday and even more fortunately intrepid gay Todd Heywood braved this sea of vaginally endowed activists for local LGBT newspaper Between The Lines. Heywood (a fantastic journalist who’s done some incredible work on public health policy) and his employer were kind enough to share these pictures from an event Larry Craig might describe as “icky.”

When the word vagina is uttered in the men’s grill at Augusta National, it sounds like a chorus of angels singing from heaven.

Is that before or after it’s drowned in a bathtub?

Four out of five adolescent boys prefer wearing a Team Vagina baseball cap to the new Miami Marlins hat.

Thanks to Michigan’s brave lawmakers, every little girl can now dream of one day being denied the right to speak on the state House floor. USA! USA! USA!

Someone so got lucky Monday night.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 94 comments }

Chill_Bill June 20, 2012 at 10:25 am

Hey, I want in "Team Vagina"!

UnholyMoses June 20, 2012 at 10:35 am

I'd like to be their tight end.

No, wait …

Blix June 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

Better than being the wide receiver.

actor212 June 20, 2012 at 10:36 am

I'm on the fence: in, or out, in or out? Not sure. I'm trying both

AddHomonym June 20, 2012 at 10:57 am

Team? Call me old-fashioned but I say, one at a time. Focus!

Crank_Tango June 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

I will be the one dumping, um, gatorade all over the team after the big game.

ETA, I was thinking of a different team vag, the JV squad maybe.

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Well, first you have to take the team out to dinner and ply them with gifts…

Pragmatist2 June 20, 2012 at 10:26 am

Looks like a good place to pick up women.

actor212 June 20, 2012 at 10:36 am

Hey baby, I'll protect your hoo-ha from the GOP.

StanleyPain2 June 20, 2012 at 11:40 am

"Hey, wanna come over to my place and say 'vagina' as much as you want?"

Baconzgood June 20, 2012 at 10:27 am

I was talking about my rug.

-The Dude-

MumbletyRadio June 20, 2012 at 10:34 am

What a way to "pull the womb together", amirite?

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

Over the line.

Spurning Beer June 20, 2012 at 11:49 am

This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.

EatsBabyDingos June 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

Giving the menfolk vangina since 2012.

MacRaith June 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

RE the last picture caption: I'd say that luck had nothing to do with it.

CrunchyKnee June 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

I [heart] vaginas.

Texan_Bulldog June 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

To be honest I do sometimes refer to my son's penis as his 'pee pee'? Does this mean I am a Communist?

Fare la Volpe June 20, 2012 at 10:30 am

You might want to quit that before he starts sophomore year.

Texan_Bulldog June 20, 2012 at 10:32 am

Hee hee…he's 7–we're transitioning to 'penis' as we speak. Well, not literally…

elviouslyqueer June 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Oh now you've done it. Countdown to drunken Mark Foley sext in 3…2…1…

jodyleek June 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

My 7 yr old son calls it a penis, but I refer to it as his dingle-dangler when he's
runnin' 'round the house nekkid!

Texan_Bulldog June 20, 2012 at 11:14 am

We don't let the boy run around naked anymore. We have 2 dogs of questionable intelligence/sanity who might mistake his dangly bit for a Snausage. We decided we don't ever want to have to explain that one to an ER doctor.

viennawoods13 June 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

We always went with the technical terms in our house. Two stories: One, my little guy was running around nekkid in the back yard when he was about 2. I laughed at him and said, "You look so funny running around with your little penis waving in the breeze." He stood up very straight, and said, "No, mommy! BIG penis!" 2 years old.
Two, my older son, at about the age of 4 was at the babysitters, and said to a little girl whose undies were showing, "I can see your vagina!" Well, babysitter, mom of 5, was horrified. She said "My daughter is 11 and just learning words like that, and that's the way it should be." No word of a lie, 4 years later that girl was pregnant. So, the old don't let them know the words and they won't use them strategy didn't work out so good.

niblick77 June 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

From a man's perspective I would just like to say that I enjoyed the limited times I have had the pleasure of being in a woman's Vagina. I just hope there are more opportunities to be in a woman's Vagina in the future. I am, also, a big supporter of women's breast. Power to the Vagina!

actor212 June 20, 2012 at 10:37 am

See, liberals and conservatives share one thing in common: we're both trying to crawl back into the womb. Liberals try to do it by being nice to the lady. Conservatives do it by being a bigger prick.

niblick77 June 20, 2012 at 11:52 am

"Conservatives do it by being a bigger prick." – In their dreams!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm

When you don't have one, you have to be one.

MumbletyRadio June 20, 2012 at 10:47 am

supporter of women's breasts

ISWYDT!

Crank_Tango June 20, 2012 at 11:27 am

Yeah, good one, brah!

Fare la Volpe June 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

with that many women gathered in one place, you’re liable to attract bears.

Relax, hon. All the bears are over in Ferndale for Pride.

sezme June 20, 2012 at 10:30 am

Michigander males would prefer it if you referred to them as "dick holders".

actor212 June 20, 2012 at 10:38 am

Dick muffs?

Crank_Tango June 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

Cock cozies?

freakishlywrong June 20, 2012 at 10:30 am

"Hey Freakish, what choo up to"?
"Meh, nothin', just airing out the patooty".
(This was a real conversation).

thatsitfortheother1 June 20, 2012 at 10:37 am

Sky diving lesson?

Baconzgood June 20, 2012 at 10:30 am

There really is a gaping hole in this country's vigina dialogue.

HempDogbane June 20, 2012 at 10:31 am

Vaginas are also nice without the DayGlo colors.

Guppy June 20, 2012 at 10:55 am

In fact, the presence of DayGlo colors is usually a bad sign and an indication that a shot of penicillin is in order.

bureaucrap June 20, 2012 at 10:31 am

Hey, I'm a slut (male) and I vote too!! That gives me an idea for a Super-Pac!

Guppy June 20, 2012 at 10:55 am

What are you going to call it, the Key Party?

Doktor Zoom June 20, 2012 at 11:56 am

Anything but the Lemon Party

Guppy June 20, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Around here it's called the Senate Republican Caucus.

Geminisunmars June 20, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Dic-Pac? Pee-pee Pac? Pac(k)ing Penis?

actor212 June 20, 2012 at 10:31 am

Needs moar vagina

freakishlywrong June 20, 2012 at 10:31 am

Never referred to my vajajay as a "wee wee"; but have referenced a "wide on" on occasion.

SoBeach June 20, 2012 at 10:50 am

Thumbs up.

Limeylizzie June 20, 2012 at 11:26 am

Me too!

Gratuitous World June 20, 2012 at 10:33 am

Bad Timing for Romney's "Let Michigan's Vaginas Go Broke," article in tomorrow's Detroit Free Press.

weejee June 20, 2012 at 10:35 am

Michigan the new Taliban Republic.

You go grrrlz, and guyz, before they start to demand burqas.

DerrickWildcat June 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

I don't like little kids being used in political battles that they don't fully understand. Otherwise, how f'n ridiculous.

SayItWithWookies June 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

I think the kid gets it — it's the adults who are having the problem.

UnholyMoses June 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

I came from a vagina (and in quite a few others) and someday I wouldn't mind dying in one.

PubOption June 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

The old business of coming and going at the same time?

Doktor Zoom June 20, 2012 at 11:58 am

I do that all the time. In the Shakespearian sense, at least.

mavenmaven June 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Political Activism Tip: In today's sociopolitical environment, unless your sign is grossly misspelled, no one will pay any attention.

thatsitfortheother1 June 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

Furgina, for instance?

Doktor Zoom June 20, 2012 at 11:58 am

Or awesomely witty (google Westboro Baptist at Comic-Con)

BTWBFDIMHO June 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

In a fair world, Vagina would be an Olympic discipline, and the Team Vagina would become the Vagina Team.

thatsitfortheother1 June 20, 2012 at 10:41 am

Can you still say Vart in Michigan?

elviouslyqueer June 20, 2012 at 10:41 am

Coochie snortcher LIBEL.

freakishlywrong June 20, 2012 at 10:42 am

Conservatives must be recoiling in horror at these photos. They're more "dick men" themselves.

SorosBot June 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

Fox News will say this is why the Nineteenth Amendment should be repealed.

Chet Kincaid June 20, 2012 at 10:46 am

In the future, our ill-educated youth will confuse this whole lady business with the Love Canal Disaster.

randcoolcatdaddy June 20, 2012 at 10:47 am

Michigan women, I applaud your efforts to protect the rights of your ladyparts and I sincerely hope we can look forward to more day-glo protest signs as we approach November.

Remember – an angry vagina may be the only thing standing between humanity and four years of Mitt Romney.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

Blah, blah, blah. Everybody knows that if vaginas were really that great God would have given them to men instead of the ladies. It's in the bible, look it up.

ElPinche June 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

It's also in the Constitution(tm)

eggsacklywright June 20, 2012 at 11:17 am

Correct. It's under carpet bombing the vast tundra: 24, verse palm sundae. I seen it my own self.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

I have cramps. Stupid uterus.

RomanSolo3000 June 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

Needs moar Bristol's vagina.

Guppy June 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

No, I think Bristol's vagina has gotten more than enough exposure, tyvm.

ThundercatHo June 20, 2012 at 10:57 am

Dear Michigan GOPee-Pees,
If you don't know that "vagina" is correct terminology for part of a women's reproductive system then you most certainly don't know how to correctly use one. Also, if you keep this up you're gonna need to change your dumbass slogan, "Pure Michigan", to "Pure Dickwads".
Sincerely,
A Vagina Owner
P.S. Power to the Pussies!

DemmeFatale June 20, 2012 at 10:59 am

I heart the "slut" in the first pic.
I'll bet she's a lot of fun.
(Nice way to start the day for a change.)

PubOption June 20, 2012 at 10:59 am

I suspect that a synonym for vagina has been uttered many times in the men's grill at Augusta National.

ThundercatHo June 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

Also, too, I vote for Rebecca to be head coach of our vagina team.

eggsacklywright June 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

Isn't Vagina a city in Canadialand? Somewhere in Saskootchawan?

gurukalehuru June 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

It's somewhere near Vancooter, I think.

viennawoods13 June 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Then there's the Beaver Valley. Did you know that Flesherton, Ontario proudly proclaims itself the "Gateway to the Beaver Valley?" I really wish that I'd taken a picture of that sign.

ElPinche June 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

I love "sluts" and vaginas. Go team go!
Srsly, I can't believe we're protesting this in 21st century, but then again , the USA did go full-reetard in baggerville when Obama took office.

SayItWithWookies June 20, 2012 at 11:16 am

When the word vagina is uttered in the men’s grill at Augusta National, it sounds like a chorus of angels singing from heaven.

Silly, there's no "men's grill" at Augusta National — there's the grill and then there's the women's grill.

An_Outhouse June 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

I thought bears weren't so fond of chicks. I would provide a link but all the ones I find are NSFW.

fawkedifiknow June 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

If you say "vah-jeye-na" and I say "vah-gee-na" does that mean we have to call the whole thing off?

An_Outhouse June 20, 2012 at 11:23 am

Any signs that said " See you Next Tuesday"?

ph7 June 20, 2012 at 11:30 am

Upper PENISula.

eggsacklywright June 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

Remembering Grace Slick: "No man is an island. He's a peninsula."

Sharkey June 20, 2012 at 11:39 am

It's actually true about chicks attracting bears, check out this pic.

hagajim June 20, 2012 at 11:42 am

I may not be in Michigan, but I believe its fair to say that I'm a HUGE supporter of the vagina!

Wilcoxyz June 20, 2012 at 12:12 pm

No "Read my lips"? C'mon, vagina-Americans.

Antispandex June 20, 2012 at 1:23 pm

OK, you've got a vigina, we get it! What we want to know is, is anyone using it? If not, could we borrow it for a bit? What's with making it all political?

fuflans June 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

it's like every once in a while something deep underground in some forgotten aquifer rises up and causes entire societies of otherwise reasonable people to become batshit insane.

i believe it is supposed to have happened in medieval france.

apparently it is now one of those times for michigan.

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I cunt think of a thing to comment, so I guess I'l snatch this opportunity to dive into a taco or maybe some clam chowder. My cat loves clam chowder, and there's nothing better than a full pussy, dontchaknow. Twat say? You're offended? You're going to sue me for Labial? Would that be Major or Minor? I say get off your high-clitoris cause it taint gonna happen. asshole. Did I miss anything?

glamourdammerung June 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

The first picture gave me PUMA flashbacks.

valthemus June 20, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Right-wing crazies in Michigan's congress attempting to fit all of female America with a legislative chastity belt inspires an impromptu vagina-fest. It's times like this that I'm quite sure I just don't know what "normal" is anymore.

Doktor Zoom June 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

"Homer, I can see your doodle!"

N. Flanders

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