Mitch McConnellReally who even cares what dozy question Senate Minority Leader and King of All He Surveys Mitch McConnell was responding to when he said the following about Republican nominee and His Lord High Hairgel Mitt Romney:

“He is the leader of our party from now until November,” McConnell said, explaining why he didn’t want to comment on the matter.

The End. [RollCall]

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  • ratcityrebel

    "He is the leader of our party from now until November, and then it goes back to being that Reagan handpuppet we keep in the cloakroom."

    • athenaprime

      He did say his party's only goal was making Obama a one-term president. Win, lose, or draw, after that, they have nothing to live for and will vanish up their own arses with a slightly flatulent pop.

      • bikerlaureate

        "The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term President."

        – Sen. McConnell, 23-Oct-2010

        It must suck to see that most important thing elude their sticky grasp, going the way of their laser-like focus on job creation these past two years.

      • Negropolis

        If only.

  • TribecaMike

    I'd forgotten Yertle was so enamored of other turtles' farts.

    • Generation[redacted]

      That's not Yertle! Yertle was the bottom Turtle. That's the king turtle, a plutocrat who is seen there smelling the farts of his second-in-command. Yertle was a socialist who railed against social inequality and was never pictured smelling farts.

  • gullywompr

    And after Novermber, on the off chance that he wins, he's our autopen bitch.

  • Lucidamente1

    "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go obstruct some legislation that could keep the economy from tanking.

    • Negropolis


      It's funny (and sad) 'cause it's true.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Was this before or after the MSM moistened their panties about the vetting of RUBIO?

    • I said it before, but I can't wait until the MSM starts going through Rubio's past like a rock fiend through a crackhouse carpet. It's gonna be just as ugly to watch, and yet so beautiful.

      • RMONEY's people confirmed to the Waah!Poo today that they are NOT vetting Rubio. Rubio's people are having a hissy fit. So, burned bridges and what-all.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Yes but then Rmoney unconfirmed it, as he is wont to do.

          • Wut? Already? Oh, man! Guy's gonna give himself whiplash in the worst way.

      • Negropolis

        but I can't wait until the MSM starts going through Rubio's past like a rock fiend through a crackhouse carpet.

        Good god that is so full of WIN.

  • coolhandnuke

    I think Mitch stuck his neck out on this one.
    Nah…he has no neck.

  • Don't you mean 'Turtle Waxed'?

  • It's like their national leader is Eddie Haskell.

    • chascates

      Hey, Eddie had a hell of a lot more personality than Romney!

    • Schmannnity

      Gee, Mrs. Romney, that's a lovely dress you're wearing today.

      • flamingpdog

        Mitt, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?

        • Mitt is never hard on the Beaver. Or its owner wouldn't stick both feet in her mouth so often.

    • He's not?

    • I met the guy who played Eddie Haskell a couple of decades ago at a home show. He was a really friendly guy. Jerry Mathers was with him, and was a bloated, morose sack of bitterness.

      • Chichikovovich

        You mean he wasn't killed in Vietnam?

        • He was definitely moribund.

        • flamingpdog

          Wasn't Eddie Haskell an LA cop for a while there?

    • Buckminster

      Eddie Haskell had more moral fiber. Plus, more iron.

    • Lumpy Rutherford for VP.

  • chascates

    "You don't go to election with the candidate you . . ."

  • I thought he was dumb,
    I said he was dumb,
    Yet I've heard him cry.

    First faint scream,
    Out of life's unfathomable dawn,
    Far off, so far, like a madness, under the horizon's dawning rim,
    Far, far off, far scream.

    Tortoise in extremis.

  • samsuncle

    “He is the leader of our party from now until November and then it reverts back to Rush".

  • Schmannnity

    Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul. If it weren't for Bourbon, Kentucky would have little to recommend it.

    • rickmaci

      And if it weren't for the race horses, the genetics there would be close to Paleozoic.

      • valgal2342

        Well, so much for inviting you to my Derby Party. LOL

    • glasspusher

      I'm pretty sure bourbon is the only way to tolerate them…

      • I don't know, I had some pretty tasty wine from Kentucky too.

    • valgal2342

      We make Louisville Sluggers too!

      • Schmannnity

        I stand corrected. A Louisville Slugger was great in The Untouchables.

        • Steverino247

          And would be useful in the Republican Caucus meetings.

          • scvirginia

            Is that how Ron Paul won Iowa this past weekend?

          • Generation[redacted]

            Ron Paul supporters better watch out if Karl Rove starts giving them a lecture about teamwork.

          • scvirginia

            Maybe Karl needs to look out- them Paultards can get mighty feisty…

    • Steverino247

      There's the Patton Museum at Ft. Knox. Great stuff there.

    • TribecaMike

      There is Loretta Lynn.

    • BlueStateLibel

      There's always the beautiful horses and fast women.

      • Negropolis

        Yes, but do they have fast horses and beautiful women is what I want to know.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I dunno. You used to be able to get some really good weed in KY. I recall that it was, at the time when I still smoked it, the number one cash crop in the state but that was almost twenty years ago.

      EDIT: Still is, apparently. And it's the number one cash crop in America, over all. I did not know this.

    • kingofmeh

      abraham lincoln libel!

    • Negropolis

      All the pretty horses libel!

  • HippieEsq

    ….also the leading cause of my weed smoking (vaporizing) until November.

    (don't worry I'll find another excuse by Thanksgiving)

  • edgydrifter

    McYertle gets terror sweats every night dreaming of what it might be like not having Balack HUSSEIN O'Blacka around to blame everything on constantly. I think his ambivalence towards a Romney victory is starting to leak out of his shell.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Oh … so everyone in the party follows him off the cliff in November and you start all over again?

    • scvirginia

      From your lips to FSM's ears.

  • LastGasp

    Yeah, if I knew in my gut that all my hopes and dreams were going to be smashed in November I wouldn't want to "comment on the matter" either. [insert frowny face here]

  • Estproph

    "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find some lettuce. Or perhaps an earthworm."

  • Biff

    So then, it's still turtles all the way down?

    • Negropolis

      I also heard it as elephants, which seems just as relevant an example as any, these days.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Wow McConnell, easy on the excitement there! Don't want want to get too excited about the thought of a Mittens' presidency.

    • The last time McConnell got excited, he leaked.

      He's more careful these days.

  • Mitch Turtle passed his turtle exam (what doe a man do standing-up, that a woman does sitting down, and a dog do on three legs?) with an eloquent burp. We've been rolling in the mud ever since.

    • Madam Killjoy

      Shake hands. (And yes, you bet your sweet ass I am.)

    • Veritas78

      This is a trick question, I am sure.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm surprised that McConnell was willing to commit to November.

    • flamingpdog

      I'm hoping McConnell will finally be committed in November.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more turtle soup.

  • YouBetcha

    I would not hit that.

    Not even if it was lying on its shell in the middle of the road.

    • Veritas78

      What if it paid you $500 and you were on leave from Norfolk or the DC Marine Barracks, drunk and horny? Believe me, it's been done before, for 30 years. Oh, and his wife knows.

      • YouBetcha

        My rates are higher than that, particularly for reptiles.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm kind of hoping some video of Mitt doing Karaoke pops in the near future. Then, and only then, will Mitch get excited.

    • scvirginia

      Is karaoke pop caffeinated? That WOULD be exciting…

  • valgal2342

    We're going to get rid of Mitch in 2014, I promise!

    • From your lips to the obedient ears of any intelligence with the power to MAKE IT SO!

    • scvirginia

      Are you gonna run for his seat? I'll come knock on doors for you!

    • for realz? that would make up for a lot.

    • Negropolis

      With votes, of course!

      • valgal2342

        I would love to see a poll done in KY on Mitch's unfavorables right now. Word of mouth is everyone is getting pretty sick of Mitch and he's been there since the mid-late 70's. Dems have always hated him but now he's even embarrassing the Reps. It won't be easy of course but this will be the best chance we've had in over 2 decades. I'm pumped. We have a couple of good Dem candidate possibilities. If Crit Luallen runs, Mitch is toast. She was our State Auditor, did a terrific job and she is well liked across the board. I'm going for the twofer. 1-Defeat Mitch 2-Defeat him with a woman candidate. PS- She's not a blue dog.

        • Negropolis

          How Mitch has hung around in a state like Kentucky has always surprised me. I totally got how Bunning got in there, but I didn't take KY to be such a corporate-whorish in its Republican Party. I thought it was far more populous. Mitch always reminded me of a politician that would do good in Georgia.

          • valgal2342

            Coal companies love to buy politicians and will pay handily for the powerful ones. They've got the dough to do it and have done it shamelessly since long before today's politicians were even born. You have a mix bag Dems – Reps elected through out the state but for those US Senate seats, the coal companies make sure they've got their man. It's tough to beat really.
            I can't see Mitch doing well in GA at all. He's more of an elitist then a good ol boy.

  • Yes, Mitch. It's him. Not you. Him. Never you, you silly turtle-man! NEVER YOU! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!!

    Jealous much?

  • Not_So_Much

    I like Mitch's strong chin. One glance and you know he's a man of character.

  • Rotundo_

    Boy was that a ringing endorsement, chock full of enthusiasm and effervescent praise for his candidate. I have heard people more enthusiastic about a trip to the dentist.

    • In fairness, free toothbrush.

      • RayneMan

        Hygiene Welfare

  • MissTaken

    McConnell said, explaining why he didn’t want to comment on the matter.

    Come on Mitch, come out of your shell and tell us how you really feel.

  • calliecallie

    What we need…is a turtle fence.

  • No invitations to the Romney owned palatial vacation villas for this dope!

    • Antispandex

      Yeah, I agree. No way he's getting to hang with Ann and play pony.

    • Judging from the lukewarm response RMONEY is getting overall, you'd almost think lots and lots of people don't WANT to be invited to the palatial vacation villas. Can't imagine why.

      • LetUsBray

        The ride over in a cage in the roof of the car isn't as much fun as Willard claims it is.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Instead of purple heart band-aids, they're going to be wearing clothespins on their noses at this year's convention.

        • And now the frothing nutbags have begun frothing about the Latinos and the DREAM Act, and RMONEY is totally being boxed into a corner. It's gettin' ugly.

          And there's months of this shit to go.

  • Antispandex

    Wingnut translation provided by Antispandex:
    "There's no way this guy will be running things after November, because the super religious wing of the party isn't going to elect a member of the Joe Smith cult".

    • RayneMan

      I don't know…

      Blah or Crazy?….. Blah or Crazy?…..

      Too bad they don't have video cameras in them there votin' booths. I'd love to watch the heads espload.

  • Steverino247

    I once attended a basketball game between BYU and UTEP. Fans actually displayed signs saying the following:

    BYU Athletics: Blacks need not apply.

    BYU Laboratories bring you "The Boys from Brazil."

    And those are the signs they let in. Yeah, those guys are going to elect an LDS President of the United States. Sure they are…

  • elburritodeluxe

    Leading from behind!

  • Steverino247

    OT, but it looks to be over, barring recounts. With about 1,000 absentee and provisional votes remaining…

    SUPERIOR COURT – Office No. 34

    GARY GEORGE KREEP 203302 50.19%

    GARLAND PEED 201733 49.81%

    A difference of 1,569 with about a thousand to go…

    • TribecaMike

      San Diego is kreeping its pants.

      • Steverino247

        If Gov. Brown's plans don't get passed this November, we're going to close about 40% of the Court facilities statewide. He would be out of work as a judge and unable to get a civil trial within five years, too.

        • TribecaMike

          Thanks for the info. I hope he gets paid by the hour.

    • well, 50.19% of San Diego is going to be getting the judge they deserve, I suppose.

      • Steverino247

        That's what you get for tossing coins in the voting booth. Neither of these candidates were well known outside a small circle of friends and colleagues.

        • bobbert

          But still, when news articles say things like "Gary Kreep, a birther,…". I know San Diego County is pretty conseritave, but jeez.

    • It's over, dood. I'm so fucking depressed.

  • flamingpdog

    Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said today he’s waiting for presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney to announce a position on whether he supports deporting young illegal immigrants who came to the United States as children.

    Is he going to wait until the day after Mitt announces a position so he can assess the next day's different position?

  • That's right up there with another unintentionally-revealing quote of the day that NBC left out of their infamous interview with Sandusky: "I didn’t go around seeking out every young person for sexual needs that I’ve helped. There are many that I didn’t have — I hardly had any contact with who I have helped in many, many ways.”

    • Chichikovovich

      Important lesson for all the young folks who may be reading. When your lawyers tell you that you should absolutely, positively, 100% not be interviewed on TV, you should listen to them.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        If his defense team decides that he should testify, it's gonna be a disaster for them. From day one, he should have kept his mouth shut because everything that's popped out of it so far has not helped him.

    • CthuNHu

      Why, consider all the Norwegian children Anders Brevik didn't massacre!

      Shouldn't he and Sandusky get medals or something? We could call it the Kissinger Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Humanitarianism.

  • Arken

    McConnell isn't upbeat about anything ever. He talks like he's severely constipated.

    • He's not constipated, he's just a slow turtle.

  • flamingpdog

    I'm not all that excited about the possibility of McConnell being upbeat. On the other hand, the possibility of him being beat up with votes is very appealing.

  • flamingpdog

    Editrix, I think this would have been a more appropriate picture to go with your post.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      It's lacking the non-chin flab.

  • Generation[redacted]

    To be fair, Mittens isn't thrilled about Mitch McTurtle's leadership either.

  • I'm not sure how this is possible, but…

    Google results for "Constipated turtle" = 358K results
    Google results for "Constipated turtle McConnell" = 533K results

  • PuglyDoRight

    So Mitch is a top?

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    None of what McConnell says makes sense since we all know the GOP leadership is the Koch Brothers. They're just too chickenshit to step up the plate and let the 99.9% know who's really running the show.

  • i would like to write a suessian poem to mitch and mittens as mitch and mittens deserves suessian treatment.

    however i am very tired today and have to catch up on the cabernet.

  • McConnell is one big turtle head, for damn sure. He seems to be in a state of perpetual crowning.

  • cheetojeebus

    Mitch " Do you want to pet my turtle" McConnell probably has to commit rape just to masturbate.

  • Maybe Mitch is despondent because of today's news about his kin, dying while trying to make baby McConnells.

    Turtles fossilised in sex embrace

    Researchers think the turtles had initiated sex in the surface waters of the lake that once existed on the site, and were then overcome as they sank through deeper layers made toxic by the release of volcanic gases.

    The animals, still in embrace, were then buried in the lakebed sediments and locked away in geological time.

    They never even had a chance!

  • cheetojeebus

    btw I am sure glad there is no sideboob in this story.

    • thebeatgoeson

      He IS the side boob. Or it's a side show of boobs. Also, too.

      • cheetojeebus

        These are not the sideboobs I'm looking for.

  • glamourdammerung

    He feels the Romentum™ !

  • Negropolis

    The chair recognizes the esteemed Gentle Turtle from Kentucky.

  • owhatever

    Mitch said his goal is that Romney be a one-term president.

  • Warpde

    "He is the leader of our party from now until November,” McConnell said.

    You can't improve on that.

  • Isyaignert

    Mitch McConjob actually said today that he thought the poor needed to pay more in taxes. I shit you not. What an 'effin' sociopathic POS!!

  • RayneMan

    Must be nice to have a job where you don't have to do shit for months.

    (heh heh heh heh, I said douche it)

    • RayneMan

      I just had a thought (scary, I know) : If he's not working, and he's still collecting a check, isn't that…. *gasp*…. WELFARE!?


  • ttommyunger

    Still, he is married to the CMIMLTF (Cabinet Member I'd Most Like To Fuck), so he's got that going for him, which is nice…

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