WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?  4:25 pm June 19, 2012

SC Gov Nikki Haley Changes Mind, Loves Girls Getting Cervical Cancer Now

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

I love cancer!South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley used to be one of those terrible sluts who wanted to ram her HPV vaccine down your preteen’s throat. We know this because she cosponsored a bill in the South Carolina legislature that would have mandated HPV vaccinations for preteen girls, thus taking their innocence and instantly turning them all into streetwalking hookers (with syphilis). But now? The good governor has evolved into a woman with higher national sights, as she has just vetoed a bill for an optional HPV vaccine on some fictional grounds of “Obamacare” or something. (She actually called it “a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate” or whatever, it doesn’t matter, since she plumb made it up.)

Do you have a block-quote for us, Palmetto Public Record?

“This bill had bi-partisan support and gives optional education and preventative vaccines to adolescents in an effort to thwart cervical cancer,” said Rep. Bakari Sellers (D-Bamberg), who introduced the bill. “This is a common sense approach to a very serious problem.”

But in vetoing the bill, Gov. Haley called Sellers’ plan “a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate” — even though the vaccine does not rely on taxpayer funding and is not mandatory.

In fact, Haley co-sponsored a bill back in 2007 that would have made the vaccine mandatory.

Cool, thanks! Give Nikki Haley the veep spot now, Mittens! She is willing to be for cancer to get it. [PalmettoPublicRecord]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 110 comments }

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 4:27 pm

By flip-flopping does Haley get put back on Mitt's short list?

rickmaci June 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

What the hell is she doing in Mitt's shorts? That's what a "political consultant" is for.

iburl June 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Or in her case, a blogger

ElPinche June 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Thanks..I wanted to make sure we cover this topic of Stikki Nikki.

scvirginia June 19, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Magic Underpants Libel!

Schmegeg June 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Her flip flopping probably puts her at risk for colon cancer.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm

So something good will come out of it?

You know, as in, she'll learn something about the issue and change her foolish stance.

Katydid June 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Until she flops again.

Truantly_Joe June 19, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Nope.

But while we're on the topic, what women problem?

edgydrifter June 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Cancer is people too, my minions.

ManchuCandidate June 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I can think of nothing less than spreading or selling your, er, "soul" for Mittens Romboto.

Baconzgood June 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Will someone think of the children?!?!!?

MOG2410 June 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Children First! Family Values Protect the innocent!! Unless it's going to cost taxpayers money, then let them die and decrease the surplus population (from a speech by Newt?). Paging Ebneezer

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Well they tell me of a pie up in the sky
Waiting for me when I die
But between the day you're born and when you die
They never seem to care if you even get preventible cancer
–The Socialistier They Come

ManchuCandidate June 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

The GOPers do, but that's what usually gets them registered on the sex offenders list.

Nostrildamus June 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

They are thinking of the children. Specifically, they're thinking
"Those little sluts, serves 'em right for doin' the sexy".

mwittier June 20, 2012 at 12:48 am

Yes. Jerry Sandusky.

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Nikki Haley, still the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to Clemson.

Chichikovovich June 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Truly. Even after January's Orange Bowl, she's still the most embarrassing thing to happen to Clemson. Which is pretty impressive.

fuflans June 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

is she popular does anyone know?

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 12:31 am

Well, apart from the fact of Clemson being in South Carolina to begin with.

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

It's a wonderful day in South Carolina!

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

For whom? Who? (I never get that right).

emmelemm June 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

You betcha!

Baconzgood June 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Why would you veto a bill that helps to prevent some types of cunt cancer? That's just plain fucking cold yo!

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Oh great! "Just Say No" to cancer?

Chichikovovich June 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Well, in this case it appears to be: "Cancer? Just say yes!"

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 12:31 am

The Michigan state slogan! Well, apart from the whole cancer thing.

qwerty42 June 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

She was against cancer before she was for it? I see a VP candidate!

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm

She's had a change of heart, obviously. Now she views it as natural selection.

Tundra Grifter June 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

This is the Governor who sold out the South Carolina port of Charlestown in favor of Savannah, Georgia.

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Well, since all the girls are going to be getting those invasive ultrasound scan things stuck up their hoo-haws soon anyway, they will no doubt detect any cervical cancer early.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

What if it turns out TVUS cause cancer?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 4:57 pm

That's an acceptable risk – more important that the woman sees the image of the fetus (which she won't, most of the time, because it's too small to be seen by ultrasound, but it's still important that she sees a speck, or a smudge, or something.)

It keeps getting worse — how totally fucking stupid will Republicans be by November?

bikerlaureate June 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

But in vetoing the bill, Gov. Haley called Sellers’ plan “a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate” — even though the vaccine does not rely on taxpayer funding and is not mandatory.

So would that be a gateway mandate?
Or a mandate fetus?

ProgressiveInga June 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I totally agree with Nikki, and I would travel to S. Carolina and tell her in person if I wasn't confined to this iron lung!

Baconzgood June 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Don't those shots make you have Aspergers or somthing*? Sounds like SC needs more people with Aspergers if they keep voting for this bitch. Can't hurt.

(*according to DR. Michele Bachmann)

flamingpdog June 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Can't somebody in the medical research community come up with a vaccine against RethugliKlans?

justkillmenow June 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

You can't vaccinate for stupid.

Baconzgood June 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Can you beat it out?

justkillmenow June 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I prefer the Darwinian approach – removal from the gene pool

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

We've tried the "three generations of imbeciles are enough" approach, but that didn't seem to go over well. It might be worth another look.

Sassomatic June 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Cervical cancer is God's punishment/gift for being a slut, just like babies. Therefore, shots that prevent it are tantamount to ABORTION. Forced Obama abortion shots. BURN HIM.

YasserArraFeck June 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

In SC, cervical cancer is hereditary birthright (ie, passed from father to daughter). Who would dare to disrupt that sacred bond?

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Much like pregnancy, from father to daughter.

YasserArraFeck June 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

In the South, fathers give their sons Pappy's shotgun, and their daughters a dose…..because Jesus.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"Girl outta git it fust from her pappy. Thass juss th' natchul order of things."

justkillmenow June 19, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Even the female republicans hate women. I just don't get these people.

spends2much June 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

If she really wants the Veep spot, she should sponsor some legislation making the vaccine illegal . This will help Jeebus, or Joseph Smith, or whoever, to identify evil, skanky women. You know, by visiting the "cancer you brought on yourself" ward.

MumbletyRadio June 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Meanwhile, having failed to use preventive measures, South Carolina awaits a cure for their bad case of Nikki Haley.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"I'm sorry, SC, it's Haleytosis. It's fatal."

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I think there's a radical Haleyectomy on the calendar.

John Birf Society June 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Having a vagina is a choice and choosing to have a vagina is a rather slutty decision. Choosing a vagina nearly always leads to a lifestyle of vaginal self-destruction that includes sexuality and childbirth. Gov. Haley is standing up for those brave patriots who find vaginas icky and scary.

Fox n Fiends June 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm

In that photo she's showing a friend the size of her husband's dick

flamingpdog June 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

And if anybody nose knows dick, it would be Nikki Haley.

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

That's why she shtups her blogger.

Ryy June 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Women with cancer are more likely to shut the fuck up…

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 4:59 pm

But does it interfere with the sammich-making?

Ryy June 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

It better not!

Estproph June 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm

You know, if you are getting the HPV vaccine through the throat, you're doing it wrong. Just sayin…

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Great! You just forced me to find another pick up line!

elviouslyqueer June 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Ah dark cloud, here is thy silver lining:

The General Assembly has traditionally overriden the vast majority of Gov. Haley’s vetoes, so look for updates on this one as they develop.

IOW, "we know what's best for South Carolina. Unlike you, you stupid twat."

scvirginia June 19, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Ah, I like a Wonketteer who reads. Yes, SC has a 'weak governor' system, so she gets a double win here- she gets to veto legislation put forward by a Democrat & bait the SC Legislature to override her veto because they mostly can't stand her. So by vetoing it, she improves the bill's chance of success & gets to show off some Partisan Stylin'.

flamingpdog June 19, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Some of my colleagues insist the dinosaurs were wiped out by a giant comet. What we need now (more than ever) is a Haley's comet.

Not_So_Much June 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I don't know where that thumb has been. But she seems pretty thrilled about it.

lochnessmonster June 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Probably b/c she thought Rep Sellers was from OBama-berg

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Haley was allegedly born in Bamberg too, also.

scvirginia June 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm

WarREs THE BiRF CERTTIFuCKATE?

weejee June 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Mittens/Nookie 2012
Mittens/Noogie 2012
Mittens/Nikki 2012 waffle²

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

She's doing her part to eliminate the V-word.

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Virgin?

SayItWithWookies June 19, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I'm surprised Nikki Haley is against a healthcare mandate after the bad case of whiplash she must've gotten by going from corporate whore to paranoid populist.

OkieDokieDog June 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Good grief. When will this crap end? I'm sick and tired of these dumb hateful fuckwads, or twatwad, in her case.

OneYieldRegular June 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm

So, quite literally, the concrete reality of one's getting cancer is better than the entirely hypothetical possibility that one might some day have to pay taxes to help prevent it?

Truantly_Joe June 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

“a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate”

Hmm. The non-sequitor relationship to the bill in question, the conflating of "optional" with "mandatory", and the oddly conspiratorial notes… I do belive this remark is riffable.

Let me get us started:

Optional funding for computers in the classroom are just a precurser to another taxpayer-fundated pornography mandate.

Chet Kincaid June 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Nikki needs to stay out of the sun, to keep the Sikh from risin'. If you kinda de-focus and just listen to her message, she's as white as anybody!

Steverino247 June 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Sikh and ye shall find?

Biff June 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm

She does identify as white on her census form. Which doesn't really beg or answer the question, "where all the white women at?"

fuflans June 19, 2012 at 9:02 pm

this is like a reverse vampire or something.

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 12:38 am

She gets too dark, and they may just ignore her, entirely. You know, like the rest of the blahs in the state legislature.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Hope springs eternal:

South Carolina House Ethics Committee members on Thursday afternoon released a list of people who will be issued subpoenas to give testimony in the illegal lobbying investigation against Gov. Nikki Haley later this month. The committee will call 10 witnesses who will discuss allegations that Haley illegally lobbied for Lexington Medical Center and Wilbur Smith & Associates during her time as a state representative.

The fun begins next month – stay tuned!

scvirginia June 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I thought the fun began next week? Did those basterdz postpone my fun??? She was not subpoenaed, btw…

johnnyzhivago June 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Nice try, SC, but you are falling way behind AZ and MI in the crazystakes!

Chichikovovich June 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

said Rep. Bakari Sellers (D-Bamberg), who introduced the bill. “This is a common sense approach to a very serious problem.”

Rep. Sellers clearly is unaware that "common sense approach" (or "common sense solution") is a Luntz-ized, trademarked Republican Phrase. These are Common Sense Solutions™:

1) Eliminating the deficit by slashing taxes and increasing defense spending.
2) Reducing unemployment by firing thousands of federal employees.
3) Preventing teen pregnancy by eliminating high school courses on sex and birth control.

Preventing a type of cancer by informing young people about the vaccine that is proven to prevent it is not a "Common Sense Solution". It's just more Failed Big Government Socialism. What else can it be, since a Democrat is in favor of it?

Eve8Apples June 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Will some Republican please explain to me what vaginas have done to you that makes you hate them so much?

elviouslyqueer June 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

They don't smell like underage boybutt. Duh.

TribecaMike June 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Each of them was once spit out and abandoned by a vagina.

smokefilledroommate June 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

"Hi, I'm Governor Nikki Haley, and I support cancer."

Fairtackle June 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I originally read the title as,

SC Gov Nikki Haley Changes Mind, Loves Girls, Getting Cervical Cancer Now

Thought it was going to be a happy post.

mavenmaven June 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm

She is a "vaginal quisling", a collaborator against one's own well being and beliefs for the benefits provided by a stronger political force.

calliecallie June 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Can we shave her head? Or her vagina?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm

You know, if you women would just stop having sex, there would be no problems.

And to help you all wean off of it, you can first just shift all your sexual needs onto me.

Jus_Wonderin June 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm

We Wonketteers are such the alturistic bunch.

fawkedifiknow June 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Is a "precursor" that situation where you start swearing at the stupid, even before the 'tard has a chance to give her even dumber (if that's even possible) explanation for the inanity?

Cuz that's what I was doing.

Doktor Zoom June 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Despite this awful news, some people refuse to let cancer change them

calliecallie June 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Needz more vagina.

chascates June 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

BBC World News (on PBS) announces Mubarak arrived at Egyptian hospital 'clinically dead', report via Egyptian news service.

Doktor Zoom June 19, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Calls to the Governor's office were not returned by her answering cervix.

Antispandex June 19, 2012 at 7:42 pm

She was FOR the bill, before she was against it. Gosh, imagine what would happen if a Democrat said (or did) something like that.

sullivanst June 19, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Nikki, you ignorant slut, you meet none of the criteria for Mitt's Veepstakes: you have no penis, you're too ethnic, and you're far too "interesting".

poorgradstudent June 19, 2012 at 7:55 pm

"…even though the vaccine does not rely on taxpayer funding and is not mandatory."

I bet the real reason has to do with her reading a World Nut Daily article that said the vaccines turned the kids into muslin commies once.

miss_grundy June 19, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Mmmmmm, would she feel the same way, if she was diagnosed with cervical cancer? I bet she would freak out big time.

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 12:26 am

Well, first off, it was proposed by a Dem, which was the first strike against it, and then it was proposed by a Bakari, who if he isn't a blah, I'll eat my keyboard.

owhatever June 20, 2012 at 12:30 am

We ain't savin' nobody from cancer! Not your grandma or your crippled veteran father or your slutty daughter. Let 'em die because they probably deserve it, and they wear funny hats while going through chemo, which is amusing to onlookers.

Anyway, we want a federal mandate to cut taxes, so there won't be nothing left to pay for the anti-cancer shots. Big Phrarma will generously spring for the hats for only a 500 percent markup, with a prescription.

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 7:00 am

"SC GOV NIKKI HALEY CHANGES MIND, LOVES GIRLS GETTING CERVICAL CANCER NOW." And why not, she knows that East Indian thicket of hers makes her snatch impervious to Cancer-and penises- which is why she is so bitchy, also, too.

MiniMencken June 20, 2012 at 11:40 am

HPV in women can cause oral cancers in men who practice the cunning linguist act. Why does Haley hate the menfolk so?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

It's optional.

scvirginia June 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Which state has the best legislature?

calliecallie June 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Is there such a thing as a good state legislature? Maybe Nebraska. Unicameral and part time.

scvirginia June 19, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I thought this site was interesting: http://adambrown.info/p/research/legislators

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: