I love cancer!South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley used to be one of those terrible sluts who wanted to ram her HPV vaccine down your preteen’s throat. We know this because she cosponsored a bill in the South Carolina legislature that would have mandated HPV vaccinations for preteen girls, thus taking their innocence and instantly turning them all into streetwalking hookers (with syphilis). But now? The good governor has evolved into a woman with higher national sights, as she has just vetoed a bill for an optional HPV vaccine on some fictional grounds of “Obamacare” or something. (She actually called it “a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate” or whatever, it doesn’t matter, since she plumb made it up.)

Do you have a block-quote for us, Palmetto Public Record?

“This bill had bi-partisan support and gives optional education and preventative vaccines to adolescents in an effort to thwart cervical cancer,” said Rep. Bakari Sellers (D-Bamberg), who introduced the bill. “This is a common sense approach to a very serious problem.”

But in vetoing the bill, Gov. Haley called Sellers’ plan “a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate” — even though the vaccine does not rely on taxpayer funding and is not mandatory.

In fact, Haley co-sponsored a bill back in 2007 that would have made the vaccine mandatory.

Cool, thanks! Give Nikki Haley the veep spot now, Mittens! She is willing to be for cancer to get it. [PalmettoPublicRecord]

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  • nounverb911

    By flip-flopping does Haley get put back on Mitt's short list?

  • edgydrifter

    Cancer is people too, my minions.

  • I can think of nothing less than spreading or selling your, er, "soul" for Mittens Romboto.

  • Baconzgood

    Will someone think of the children?!?!!?

    • MOG2410

      Children First! Family Values Protect the innocent!! Unless it's going to cost taxpayers money, then let them die and decrease the surplus population (from a speech by Newt?). Paging Ebneezer

      • Well they tell me of a pie up in the sky
        Waiting for me when I die
        But between the day you're born and when you die
        They never seem to care if you even get preventible cancer
        –The Socialistier They Come

    • The GOPers do, but that's what usually gets them registered on the sex offenders list.

    • Nostrildamus

      They are thinking of the children. Specifically, they're thinking
      "Those little sluts, serves 'em right for doin' the sexy".

    • Yes. Jerry Sandusky.

  • nounverb911

    Nikki Haley, still the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to Clemson.

    • Chichikovovich

      Truly. Even after January's Orange Bowl, she's still the most embarrassing thing to happen to Clemson. Which is pretty impressive.

    • is she popular does anyone know?

    • Negropolis

      Well, apart from the fact of Clemson being in South Carolina to begin with.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's a wonderful day in South Carolina!

    • nounverb911

      For whom? Who? (I never get that right).

    • emmelemm

      You betcha!

  • Baconzgood

    Why would you veto a bill that helps to prevent some types of cunt cancer? That's just plain fucking cold yo!

  • Oh great! "Just Say No" to cancer?

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, in this case it appears to be: "Cancer? Just say yes!"

      • Negropolis

        The Michigan state slogan! Well, apart from the whole cancer thing.

  • qwerty42

    She was against cancer before she was for it? I see a VP candidate!

    • She's had a change of heart, obviously. Now she views it as natural selection.

  • Tundra Grifter

    This is the Governor who sold out the South Carolina port of Charlestown in favor of Savannah, Georgia.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, since all the girls are going to be getting those invasive ultrasound scan things stuck up their hoo-haws soon anyway, they will no doubt detect any cervical cancer early.

    • What if it turns out TVUS cause cancer?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That's an acceptable risk – more important that the woman sees the image of the fetus (which she won't, most of the time, because it's too small to be seen by ultrasound, but it's still important that she sees a speck, or a smudge, or something.)

        It keeps getting worse — how totally fucking stupid will Republicans be by November?

  • bikerlaureate

    But in vetoing the bill, Gov. Haley called Sellers’ plan “a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate” — even though the vaccine does not rely on taxpayer funding and is not mandatory.

    So would that be a gateway mandate?
    Or a mandate fetus?

  • ProgressiveInga

    I totally agree with Nikki, and I would travel to S. Carolina and tell her in person if I wasn't confined to this iron lung!

  • Baconzgood

    Don't those shots make you have Aspergers or somthing*? Sounds like SC needs more people with Aspergers if they keep voting for this bitch. Can't hurt.

    (*according to DR. Michele Bachmann)

  • flamingpdog

    Can't somebody in the medical research community come up with a vaccine against RethugliKlans?

    • justkillmenow

      You can't vaccinate for stupid.

      • Baconzgood

        Can you beat it out?

        • justkillmenow

          I prefer the Darwinian approach – removal from the gene pool

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We've tried the "three generations of imbeciles are enough" approach, but that didn't seem to go over well. It might be worth another look.

  • Sassomatic

    Cervical cancer is God's punishment/gift for being a slut, just like babies. Therefore, shots that prevent it are tantamount to ABORTION. Forced Obama abortion shots. BURN HIM.

  • YasserArraFeck

    In SC, cervical cancer is hereditary birthright (ie, passed from father to daughter). Who would dare to disrupt that sacred bond?

    • Much like pregnancy, from father to daughter.

      • YasserArraFeck

        In the South, fathers give their sons Pappy's shotgun, and their daughters a dose…..because Jesus.

        • "Girl outta git it fust from her pappy. Thass juss th' natchul order of things."

  • justkillmenow

    Even the female republicans hate women. I just don't get these people.

  • spends2much

    If she really wants the Veep spot, she should sponsor some legislation making the vaccine illegal . This will help Jeebus, or Joseph Smith, or whoever, to identify evil, skanky women. You know, by visiting the "cancer you brought on yourself" ward.

  • Meanwhile, having failed to use preventive measures, South Carolina awaits a cure for their bad case of Nikki Haley.

    • "I'm sorry, SC, it's Haleytosis. It's fatal."

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think there's a radical Haleyectomy on the calendar.

  • Having a vagina is a choice and choosing to have a vagina is a rather slutty decision. Choosing a vagina nearly always leads to a lifestyle of vaginal self-destruction that includes sexuality and childbirth. Gov. Haley is standing up for those brave patriots who find vaginas icky and scary.

  • Fox n Fiends

    In that photo she's showing a friend the size of her husband's dick

    • flamingpdog

      And if anybody nose knows dick, it would be Nikki Haley.

    • nounverb911

      That's why she shtups her blogger.

  • Ryy

    Women with cancer are more likely to shut the fuck up…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      But does it interfere with the sammich-making?

      • Ryy

        It better not!

  • Estproph

    You know, if you are getting the HPV vaccine through the throat, you're doing it wrong. Just sayin…

    • Great! You just forced me to find another pick up line!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Ah dark cloud, here is thy silver lining:

    The General Assembly has traditionally overriden the vast majority of Gov. Haley’s vetoes, so look for updates on this one as they develop.

    IOW, "we know what's best for South Carolina. Unlike you, you stupid twat."

    • scvirginia

      Ah, I like a Wonketteer who reads. Yes, SC has a 'weak governor' system, so she gets a double win here- she gets to veto legislation put forward by a Democrat & bait the SC Legislature to override her veto because they mostly can't stand her. So by vetoing it, she improves the bill's chance of success & gets to show off some Partisan Stylin'.

  • flamingpdog

    Some of my colleagues insist the dinosaurs were wiped out by a giant comet. What we need now (more than ever) is a Haley's comet.

  • Not_So_Much

    I don't know where that thumb has been. But she seems pretty thrilled about it.

  • lochnessmonster

    Probably b/c she thought Rep Sellers was from OBama-berg

    • nounverb911

      Haley was allegedly born in Bamberg too, also.

      • scvirginia


  • Mittens/Nookie 2012
    Mittens/Noogie 2012
    Mittens/Nikki 2012 waffle²

  • She's doing her part to eliminate the V-word.

    • nounverb911


  • SayItWithWookies

    I'm surprised Nikki Haley is against a healthcare mandate after the bad case of whiplash she must've gotten by going from corporate whore to paranoid populist.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Good grief. When will this crap end? I'm sick and tired of these dumb hateful fuckwads, or twatwad, in her case.

  • OneYieldRegular

    So, quite literally, the concrete reality of one's getting cancer is better than the entirely hypothetical possibility that one might some day have to pay taxes to help prevent it?

  • “a precursor to another taxpayer-funded health care mandate”

    Hmm. The non-sequitor relationship to the bill in question, the conflating of "optional" with "mandatory", and the oddly conspiratorial notes… I do belive this remark is riffable.

    Let me get us started:

    Optional funding for computers in the classroom are just a precurser to another taxpayer-fundated pornography mandate.

  • Nikki needs to stay out of the sun, to keep the Sikh from risin'. If you kinda de-focus and just listen to her message, she's as white as anybody!

    • Steverino247

      Sikh and ye shall find?

    • Biff

      She does identify as white on her census form. Which doesn't really beg or answer the question, "where all the white women at?"

    • this is like a reverse vampire or something.

    • Negropolis

      She gets too dark, and they may just ignore her, entirely. You know, like the rest of the blahs in the state legislature.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Hope springs eternal:

    South Carolina House Ethics Committee members on Thursday afternoon released a list of people who will be issued subpoenas to give testimony in the illegal lobbying investigation against Gov. Nikki Haley later this month. The committee will call 10 witnesses who will discuss allegations that Haley illegally lobbied for Lexington Medical Center and Wilbur Smith & Associates during her time as a state representative.

    The fun begins next month – stay tuned!

    • scvirginia

      I thought the fun began next week? Did those basterdz postpone my fun??? She was not subpoenaed, btw…

  • Nice try, SC, but you are falling way behind AZ and MI in the crazystakes!

  • Chichikovovich

    said Rep. Bakari Sellers (D-Bamberg), who introduced the bill. “This is a common sense approach to a very serious problem.”

    Rep. Sellers clearly is unaware that "common sense approach" (or "common sense solution") is a Luntz-ized, trademarked Republican Phrase. These are Common Sense Solutions™:

    1) Eliminating the deficit by slashing taxes and increasing defense spending.
    2) Reducing unemployment by firing thousands of federal employees.
    3) Preventing teen pregnancy by eliminating high school courses on sex and birth control.

    Preventing a type of cancer by informing young people about the vaccine that is proven to prevent it is not a "Common Sense Solution". It's just more Failed Big Government Socialism. What else can it be, since a Democrat is in favor of it?

  • Eve8Apples

    Will some Republican please explain to me what vaginas have done to you that makes you hate them so much?

    • elviouslyqueer

      They don't smell like underage boybutt. Duh.

    • TribecaMike

      Each of them was once spit out and abandoned by a vagina.

  • "Hi, I'm Governor Nikki Haley, and I support cancer."

  • Fairtackle

    I originally read the title as,

    SC Gov Nikki Haley Changes Mind, Loves Girls, Getting Cervical Cancer Now

    Thought it was going to be a happy post.

  • mavenmaven

    She is a "vaginal quisling", a collaborator against one's own well being and beliefs for the benefits provided by a stronger political force.

    • calliecallie

      Can we shave her head? Or her vagina?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, if you women would just stop having sex, there would be no problems.

    And to help you all wean off of it, you can first just shift all your sexual needs onto me.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      We Wonketteers are such the alturistic bunch.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Is a "precursor" that situation where you start swearing at the stupid, even before the 'tard has a chance to give her even dumber (if that's even possible) explanation for the inanity?

    Cuz that's what I was doing.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Despite this awful news, some people refuse to let cancer change them

  • calliecallie

    Needz more vagina.

  • chascates

    BBC World News (on PBS) announces Mubarak arrived at Egyptian hospital 'clinically dead', report via Egyptian news service.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Calls to the Governor's office were not returned by her answering cervix.

  • Antispandex

    She was FOR the bill, before she was against it. Gosh, imagine what would happen if a Democrat said (or did) something like that.

  • sullivanst

    Nikki, you ignorant slut, you meet none of the criteria for Mitt's Veepstakes: you have no penis, you're too ethnic, and you're far too "interesting".

  • poorgradstudent

    "…even though the vaccine does not rely on taxpayer funding and is not mandatory."

    I bet the real reason has to do with her reading a World Nut Daily article that said the vaccines turned the kids into muslin commies once.

  • miss_grundy

    Mmmmmm, would she feel the same way, if she was diagnosed with cervical cancer? I bet she would freak out big time.

  • Negropolis

    Well, first off, it was proposed by a Dem, which was the first strike against it, and then it was proposed by a Bakari, who if he isn't a blah, I'll eat my keyboard.

  • owhatever

    We ain't savin' nobody from cancer! Not your grandma or your crippled veteran father or your slutty daughter. Let 'em die because they probably deserve it, and they wear funny hats while going through chemo, which is amusing to onlookers.

    Anyway, we want a federal mandate to cut taxes, so there won't be nothing left to pay for the anti-cancer shots. Big Phrarma will generously spring for the hats for only a 500 percent markup, with a prescription.

  • ttommyunger

    "SC GOV NIKKI HALEY CHANGES MIND, LOVES GIRLS GETTING CERVICAL CANCER NOW." And why not, she knows that East Indian thicket of hers makes her snatch impervious to Cancer-and penises- which is why she is so bitchy, also, too.

  • MiniMencken

    HPV in women can cause oral cancers in men who practice the cunning linguist act. Why does Haley hate the menfolk so?

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