THE END OF AMERICA  3:09 pm June 19, 2012

Half-Term First Dude Todd Palin Will Be America’s Newest Reality Star Now, Because

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Greta Van Susteren has a lady boner for this.So! Got any exciting TV-watching plans now that “Mad Men” is back on its usual two-year hiatus? Oh, you are going to watch “Stars Earn Stripes,” because that is a thing, and it is going to be hosted by terrifying unblinking robot General Wesley Clark along with “‘Entertainment Tonight’ and ‘Dancing with the Stars’ alum Samantha Harris”? Good, good. Sounds reasonable. And it’ll be “reality” “stars” teaming up with tough (and presumably hot) military men and ladies to do, like, missions? Hmmm. Who’s gonna be on it? “[B]oxing royalty Laila Ali, actor Dean Cain, former NFL player Terry Crews, singer Nick Lachey Olympic gold medalist Picabo Street, NBC’s ‘The Biggest Loser’ trainer Dolvett Quince, and WWE star Eve Torres.” We don’t know what any of those words mean. Not sure we’re thrilled with this television choice so far, America. Is there anything that could make us watch this?

Sarah Palin husband Todd is among those competing in NBC’s new reality series “Stars Earns Stripes,” the network has revealed Tuesday.

Right, so: no.

Now, we remember back to the heady days of the 2008 Republican convention, when all of a sudden the announcement of snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin as John McCain’s special naughty princess caught all of America by surprise — all of America except readers of Your Wonket, of course, who were the only people who had ever heard of her, because of how she was a GILF.

And we remember people like Andrew Sullivan (maybe we are just confusing Sullivan with Greta Van Susteren?) thinking Todd Palin was a pretty studly “first dude” with his Oakley wrap-around sunglasses and his phlegmatic monosyllabicity. (That is, he stood around doing an impression of a tree stump like a dumb fucking cunt.)

Yeah, we didn’t get it either. And now we can continue to not get it, together, when this scintillating bit of red-blooded American Television Programming (from Mark Burnett!) debuts in August with the half-term first dude (half-dude?) attached. Presumably Bristol Palin’s reality television program, “Life’s A Tripp,” will have been canceled by Lifetime by then and Willow’s “Sixteen And Pregnant” will have taken its place, or maybe we’ll get the oldest one, Trepann, on “Celebrity Rehab.”

[WaPo]

 
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{ 167 comments }

banana_bread June 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Wow, now I wish I could cancel network TV the way I'm canceling cable.

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm

You could always "Keith Moon" your television set.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Well, you could always switch to one of the HD channels…

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 8:43 pm

With no teevee, I got no such problem. In fact, were it not for Wonkette, I'd never have to know that this pathetic clan of grifters still exists.

Oblios_Cap June 19, 2012 at 3:12 pm

(That is, he stood around doing an impression of a tree stump like a dumb fucking cunt.)

You, ma'am, have a way with words.

Tommy1733 June 19, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Also I like: "special naughty princess".

ChernobylSoup June 19, 2012 at 3:13 pm

How the did America remain a superpower so long?

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Halliburton?

An_Outhouse June 19, 2012 at 3:58 pm

dumb luck?

glamourdammerung June 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Apparently, having the U.S.S.R. around was good for us. Who would have guessed.

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 2:49 am

Sheer force of will and/or serendipity.

Tommmcattt June 19, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Useless tool finds use in the ancient art of dance!

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

What should I do with this adze?

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Hey, I could use that to trim this left-handed smoke shifter…

kissawookiee June 19, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Save it for the triple word score space?

Nostrildamus June 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm
nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I thought Wonkette had a moratorium on the Palins?

ChernobylSoup June 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Quit halfway through.

Crank_Tango June 19, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Too soon!

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

At least there's been nothing on tonight's premiere of Bristle's new TV show, at least not so far…

Veritas78 June 19, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Wait, is this connected to Brisket's new show? I think they're related.

I've been getting this urge for a HefferOnaHoof sammich, which sumbitch needs to make me. Does Becca do take out, or is she eat-in only?

Tommmcattt June 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

That was just a sweet, sweet dream we all had.

Jus_Wonderin June 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I woke up and Wonkette was getting out of the shower. And it was odd because I felt like I had lived a previous season, er, I mean year.

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 2:50 am

That was in place before our new overlord took over.

Mittens Howell, III June 19, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Mark Burnett just finished production on my post-breakfast dump.

Joshua Norton June 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm

“Stars Earns Stripes,"

How can only 3 words have about 47 things wrong with them?

Mittens Howell, III June 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Amercian axceptionalism!

MumbletyRadio June 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

"Some Gave All." — Koan master Billy Ray Cyrus

Chichikovovich June 19, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Many Gave Every.
Any Gave Each.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Each Gave One.

bobbert June 19, 2012 at 11:16 pm

None Gave A

Tommy1733 June 19, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I assume the stripes are whippings?

bikerlaureate June 19, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I'd buy that for a dollar.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:12 pm

(Best Hedley Lamarr voice) Kinky!

Eve8Apples June 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Remember when Elvis Presley shot his television set with a handgun? I now understand exactly how he felt and what he was thinking.

Biff June 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

If I had to look at Robert Goulet on the teevee, I'd prolly shoot it too. But when he shot that poor innocent De Tomaso Pantera, he had gone too far…

Generation[redacted] June 19, 2012 at 3:55 pm

That Pantera was far from innocent.

coolhandnuke June 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I'll tune in if they cast dead Breitbert in the John Candy role.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Couldn't we have it the other way around? Breitbart exhausted his quota of appearances on my TV. I blame Keith Olbermann.

Boojum June 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Trepan and the newest addition, Chisel.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Soon to arrive: Drilll

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

More likely to be Driil

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 8:47 pm

"Baby Drill"? Lots and lots of potential with that one.

actor212 June 20, 2012 at 10:24 am

That's his stripper name.

sullivanst June 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm
LionHeartSoyDog June 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I don't "get" 90% of the "cultural" references i see around these days, and am better off for it, but that was funny.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I've no idea what the fuck that was, but it sure as hell had nothing to do with culture.

sullivanst June 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

That was what I always think of when I hear the name Nick Lachey.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 20, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I'm pleased to say that the name fails to bring any thoughts to mind, and I hope it stays that way.

I'm forever pissed off that Griftzilla and her trashy brood have hijacked neural connections in my brain that I'm sure I could be putting to better use. It's like knowing about the Kardtrashians – worthless information that's annoying as hell to have in your head, but there's no way to un-know it.

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm

It's on NBC? No ones watches them any way.

SorosBot June 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Will the networks ever get the message that everybody is fucking sick of these annoying famewhores already?

TribecaMike June 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Co-hosted by General Wesley Clark (ret.), heh? No wonder we lost the Vietnam War.

emmelemm June 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Zing.

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

And after they earn their stripes, hopefully they will get deployed to Helmand Province in SW Afghanistan, so they can contend with IEDs and rocket attacks and Taliban ambushes and getting their legs blown off.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm

"Shooting at the Stars" just might have some genuine appeal. I say they should go for it.

YouBetcha June 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

There are better places to pick up women, Todd.

Schmannnity June 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Please. What is it going to take, a wooden stake or six silver bullets?

nounverb911 June 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm

All of them, Katie.

noodlesalad June 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Right wing nut jobs pretending to be in the military but not actually doing any of the hard work? Didn't we already get extensive media coverage of the Bush administration?

SexySmurf June 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Now that his daughter is on Lifetime, Todd is hoping to guest star on The Client List.

DemmeFatale June 19, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Aw…
I was hoping for a "Real Housewives/Husbands of Wasilla!"

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 3:19 pm

If you're going to saddle your kid for life with an oddball name like Peek-a-boo, you should at least have the decency to spell it correctly.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Could you imagine if she lesbomarried Piper Perabo?

Ducksworthy June 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm

OK. Stars win Stripes huh? Sounds good. I'd pay to see Toad flogged bloody with a cat'o nine tails. Is that what this is?

Crank_Tango June 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I think it's prison stripes.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

We can always hope.

elviouslyqueer June 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Presumably Bristol Palin’s reality television program, “Life’s A Tripp,” will have been canceled by Lifetime by then

What, in August? Oh, I'm thinking July 1, at the latest.

DemmeFatale June 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

When I first saw that, I thought, "Linda Tripp." Weird.

Crank_Tango June 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

And now I am picturing John Goodman in drag. Oh boy.

Biff June 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You mean that thing is really a thing, an actual teevee show? Oh for fuck's sake!

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm

So Bristol is failing in her show that hasn't even started yet (one critic wondered why the show was even on the air), and Todd has to swoop in and prove he's an abject failure at everything except cheating on his wife?

Wow! I have to call FOX! I just came up with a new reality show, one Todd is guaranteed to win!

timbo71351 June 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Can't this annoying fucking family find real jobs and get off of TV?

mrpuma2u June 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Sadly this bullshite IS their real jobs, and the only kind of work they're fit for. These schmendriks wouldn't even make good ditch diggers.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:43 pm

If they were grave diggers, I bet they'd really get into their work…with a good hard shove.

Nostrildamus June 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I prefer them on TV to in politics. I don't watch TV.

gullywompr June 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm

It's almost as if television is begging us to switch to the internet.

kissawookiee June 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Too bad books don't exist any more. This is making me want to read one.

Jus_Wonderin June 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

What is this "books" of which you speak?

PhilippePetain June 19, 2012 at 4:05 pm

In the future, you'll know the idiots by their constant conversations about television shows.

Butch_Wagstaff June 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm

What do you mean "In the future…"?

PhilippePetain June 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Exactly.

SayItWithWookies June 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm

So this "Stars Earn Stripes" thing — is this where half-assed nobodies go to pretend they're warriors instead of actually doing hard work and risking their lives? No wait — that's the Texas Air Guard — sorry.

coolhandnuke June 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

"Full Mental Jackoff."

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I thought that was Adam Baldwin after he flipped out and started posting at Breitbart?

coolhandnuke June 19, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"We're all in a world of shit."

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 7:10 am

"A Cunt Who Lisps Now"

MumbletyRadio June 19, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Stars Earn Stripes

Wesley Clark and Todd Palin should consider swapping roles. One is a decorated veteran who's aging well and manifests a disarming appeal (sorry to disagree w/ you Becca). The other is a veteran of a marriage to an overdecorated harpy with smarm appeal.

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 7:13 am

Speaking as an undecorated veteran, I can only say that Wesley seems to be an ass-kissing panderer second only to David Petraeus, but with more illusions of grandeur, if that's possible.

Not_So_Much June 19, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I'm in if we get to call in on a pay number and suggest graphic training accidents we'd like to see.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Loose pin in the grenade on a five mile forced double time run?

Not_So_Much June 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

That. Or, just have them reenact the 'soap in a sock' scene from "Full Metal Jacket" and beat him until he cries and cries and cries.

Mittens Howell, III June 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Wasilla The Fuck?

Baconzgood June 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Why is this family on my TV so much and MST3K is still Cancelled?

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Yeah, that RLY pisses me off.

Estproph June 19, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"Stars Earn Stripes". Todd Palin. These 2 things are mutually exclusive.

PubOption June 19, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Reality TV has a strange definition of 'star'.

CthuNHu June 19, 2012 at 3:31 pm

You win a trip to Afghanistan! You win a trip to Afghanistan! You win a trip to Afghanistan! You win a trip to Afghanistan!

You ALL win a trip to Afghanistan!

MumbletyRadio June 19, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I am, to be honest, wishing Sarah and Todd's next pregnancy to be conjoined twins, because I do not think Hollywood alone will yield enough dreck fodder for them to exploit like they seem so shamelessly bent on doing until the glaciers melt and the salmon run away on malformed mutant legs. Alaska, I am so sorry.

SayItWithWookies June 19, 2012 at 3:42 pm

It would be inspiring to watch Sarah take care of her two little ones, Gee and Haw. And then there would be the third one, the real special needs child, that Sarah would advocate for, right up until they told her it was the placenta.

Butch_Wagstaff June 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Placenta Palin.

ThundercatHo June 20, 2012 at 9:02 am

I totally get Gee and Haw and applaud you for it.

randcoolcatdaddy June 19, 2012 at 3:32 pm

If a reality show on NBC that will likely last all of three weeks on NBC is the best he can do, Todd needs a better agent. He's slightly more popular than bubonic plague, so he could easily get a guest shot on the WCW.

Extemporanus June 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

That stump.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

TV is a vast cultural wasteland. No wonder the Palin's feel so at home there.

mavenmaven June 19, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I've begun to entertain the Kurt Vonnegut style delusion that all of the world and all of us are now part of some kind of big reality show starring the Palins.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

STOP CHANNELING MY DELUSIONS!!

EatsBabyDingos June 19, 2012 at 3:38 pm

If it were "Life's a Chumbucket," well, I already filled it just thinking about our old Chum.

mookwrthwilson June 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I hope Terry Crews shoves a stick of Old Spice Deodorant so far up his ass…

Extemporanus June 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho/Todd Mitchell Ski-doo Mukluk Bawls Palin 2012!!1

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I'll vote for Dwayne Elizondo if he'll drop the dweeb.

mookwrthwilson June 19, 2012 at 10:31 pm

What's Mitt's position on electrolytes?

PubOption June 19, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Trepanning the Palins might make a good reality show, although it would be hard to distinguish the noise of the drill from Sarah's voice.

Truantly_Joe June 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Also, modern trepanation is typically used to relieve intracranial pressure. I don't believe there's any medical literature supporting its use to relieve intracranial vacuum.

ThundercatHo June 20, 2012 at 9:05 am

I was gonna say it would be like Geraldo opening Capone's vault but yours is better.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 19, 2012 at 3:40 pm

The Palins are kind of like a bad case of crabs… wait, no, they're exactly like a bad case of crabs.

Biff June 19, 2012 at 3:57 pm

As opposed to a good case of crabs?

Chet Kincaid June 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Meanwhile, on the Northwestern, Captain Sig Hansen nearly curses himself into a stroke as deck boss Edgar hauls up pot after pot of Palins.

bikerlaureate June 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I have to forget your enviable cleverness before "The Deadliest Catch" is on next, so I'm not all ambivalent n' stuff.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I can just see them clacking across the decks, scuttling sidewise, gnashing their enormous jaws.

Chet Kincaid June 19, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Thighs. Enormous thighs.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 19, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

A little worse. You can get rid of crabs.

HoytClagwell June 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Really? [notepad ready, pen poised]

YouBetcha June 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Really. Try the Wasila Publick Highs Scool. Don't worry, even the 10th graders are over the age of majority. Bonus points if you play hockey and drive a truck.

LionHeartSoyDog June 19, 2012 at 6:24 pm

U misspelled Pubelick, You.

Blueb4sunrise June 19, 2012 at 3:46 pm

No
Way.
Can't
Be.

niblick77 June 19, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Truly, are we that deficient in the available pseudo stars that we have to resort to Todd2.0?

SmutBoffin June 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Hi, I am starting a Kickstarter thingy to build a Doomsday Device. It will be activated in the event that this show's premiere tops the ratings.

Tell me, what kind of Worldwide Extinction-Level Event [TM] do you prefer?

1) Robopocalypse
2) something with lasers
3) pole-shift
4) Alabamification

LetUsBray June 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Alabamafication appears to be well in progress as it is.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Lazers, fer shure.

Butch_Wagstaff June 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Pole-shift with lasers?

bobbert June 19, 2012 at 11:27 pm

I'm a traditionalist: ice-9.

VespulaMaculata June 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Clearly, television programmers are not going to stop until they raise angry zombie Brandon Tartikoff and he destroys the Earth.

An_Outhouse June 19, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Stars earn Stripes could be anything. I'm picturing the Big Dipper competing with U'r-Anus to see who can be the new Tony the Tiger.

Truantly_Joe June 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Todd Palin is definitely the Ur-anus

TribecaMike June 19, 2012 at 4:06 pm

So that explains why none of the late-night talk show monologue writers bothered coming to work today. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

DemonicRage June 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

This is just a trial balloon. Plans are for him to be either a vampire or a werewolf on next year's season of "True Blood," and yes, there will be nudity.

Jus_Wonderin June 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Ain't it a shame the Palins aren't polygamists. Just think of all the reality shows they could be on………………………………(?)

Jus_Wonderin June 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

"‘Dancing with the Stars’ alum Samantha Harris"

Actually, I love her. Cheryl Burke Charvet is….horrible.

TribecaMike June 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm

E tu Picabo?

Just kidding, Pic. A girl's gotta make a living, right Todd?

BTWBFDIMHO June 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm

If Romney wins, then get ready for the Wasilla Home Companion on NPR.

owhatever June 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

On the next episode of the Darwin Awards, tune in to watch Todd Palin try and recite the entire alphabet while jerking off behind a bush.

Butch_Wagstaff June 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

He would make it to "D".

CthuNHu June 19, 2012 at 7:53 pm

"Aaaaahh!! A B! A B! Aaaaaahhh!!"

"That is correct so far, Todd. Keep going."

"C D B? D B S N D P P!! Aaaaahh!!"

"That is incorrect. Also, please stop thrashing about."

Jus_Wonderin June 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Hey Todd, if this doesn't work out, I hear they need corspe models on the plethora of CSIs, the twin NCISs, and Bones. Hell bring back that old lady who lurks in Cabot Cove and digs up a murder a week for 8 seasons…surely she needs some lifeless lumps to kick off an episode or two.

fuflans June 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

oh for fuck's sake.

Chet Kincaid June 19, 2012 at 4:49 pm

It just don't seem right, doin' this without Barb.

Guppy June 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

"Half-dude" sounds like the result of a scrotal injury.

Nostrildamus June 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I just hope the press will respect his privacy.

johnnyzhivago June 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

The only thing I want to see the Palins do on Reality TV is be stuffed into a crab pot and dumped into the Bering Sea.

TribecaMike June 19, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Bristol's apartment is known as The Crabs Pot.

mwittier June 20, 2012 at 1:02 am

It's like turning the porn upside down!
All fresh and new!

Truantly_Joe June 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Sarah Palin husband Todd is among those competing in NBC’s new reality series “Stars Earns Stripes,” the network has revealed Tuesday.

"Competing"? Don't you think that's a bit of a generous assessment? I mean, I refuse to even read about this show in further detail, but I assume "talent" will somehow be involved?

Nostrildamus June 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Stars earn their stripes

Does "earn" involve work?

TribecaMike June 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Isn't NBC a founding member of the "lamestream media"?

Butch_Wagstaff June 19, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I can't believe no Wonker has asked the question yet. But is that pic of Todd & Bristol at the purity ball?

chascates June 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

If the military is going to start doing reality shows we can cut the shit out of the pentagon budget.

lochnessmonster June 19, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Flog me for tweeting this…but on the other hand it is Wonkette publicity so it's not all bad!

AlaskaGrrl June 19, 2012 at 6:29 pm

To paraphrase the late Rodney King, "Won't they just please go away?"

rocktonsam June 19, 2012 at 6:30 pm

"Our family is soooooooo glad Todd wewe'd up got his own grifting gig."

- $arah Palin

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 2:48 am

Momma needs a new pair of shoes.

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 7:15 am

Understanding they are having a hard time keep a partner for Toad. Something about the smell of sled dogs, seal blubber and Sarah stank.

larrykat June 20, 2012 at 12:14 pm

The pussification of Todd continues…

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Toad.

MittBorg June 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Going on 20 years now, and I don't miss it in the least.

Negropolis June 20, 2012 at 2:51 am

T

sullivanst June 21, 2012 at 10:19 am

I believe he had a brief manufactured pop career, but was more famous for having a reality show while married to some other manufactured pop star or something. Which is why basically the only thing that comes to mind when I hear his name is seeing that clip on The Soup.

You could always leverage those Griftzilla from Wasilla neurons for reminding yourself and others that there is a Dominionist plot to transform the country into a theocratic hellhole. That's largely what I do with her.

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