Your Lunch-Time Nice Time Video: Is Anyone In The Portland Police Bureau *Not* Gay Or Lesbian?

  nice time!

Here is your biweekly “niceness” post, wherein we push away, for a moment, sad humans screaming about buggery and Ann Romney being a twatbag. Meet the Portland Police Bureau gals and dudes, every last one of whom seems to be a total gay, telling kids it gets better. Portland may have just landed itself in the finals for the chance to win a Wonkette Drinky Thing just for this. Who do you like best? The policelady who was born a boy, but wanted to grow up to be a beautiful woman just like her mother? Us too. [Via TruthWinsOut]

Share This
 
Related video

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

65 comments

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    Bet you they'd still bust you in the chops and make you do the chicken walk if you mouthed off to them while you were drunk.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Or just shoot you (we've had a bunch of officer involved shootings of people with mental issues, although to be fair a number have been "suicide by cop" situations and on at least one occasion the officer thought he was firing a "less lethal" or "beanbag" round).

  2. SayItWithWookies

    That's nice and all, but if I wanted to listen to a cop for ten minutes I'd get caught climbing onto the roof of the Wren building like I did in college. Yeah, if I fell it would've been four stories to a cobblestone sidewalk, but where the hell else are you gonna get a view like that?

  3. edgydrifter

    They may be LGBT or LGBT-friendly, but that has no bearing on their fondness for shooting folks. If you are black or mentally ill, beware. If you are black and mentally ill, you should probably start running towards the emergency room right now.

    EDIT: On the other hand, if thinking well of them increases Portland's chance at a Wonkette Boozefest, let me assure you that our cops are outstanding and pleasant and would probably buy you a beer if you came here.

    1. UW8316154

      No, you're thinking of Seattle, where cops just randomly shoot people dead while crossing the street, aren't you?

  4. chascates

    Portland. Go for the LGBT law enforcement and stay for Powell's Books. And the craft breweries. And the artisan distilleries. But Austin still has the food trailers! (and they're overpriced and pretentious)

      1. Isyaignert

        Haha – the last time we were there, I saw people lined up for something and realized it was for donuts. I took a picture of all of the peeps, then got in line.

    1. Isyaignert

      And Mother's Bistro – people are lining up an hour before they open – http://mothersbistro.com/

      Stay at the gorgeous Embassy Suites in the fun Pearl District. We always get a mezzanine level room and love the ones in the corner – http://embassysuites3.hilton.com/en/hotels/oregon…. They have an indoor pool, free cocktails and apps in the evening and wonderful cook-to-order breakfast in the morning. What a deal!!!

      Also, too, Portland has the awesome Saturday Market, amazing public art and tranportation, and parks. Be sure to see the Chinese garden in Chinatown.

      Portland's cool. We live outside of Seattle and take the train down.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        And awesome farmers markets all over the city on summer weekends, and ridiculously good restaurants in just about every corner of the core city, and pretty soon the summer concerts in the parks will start, along with the zoo concerts that already have, and just the awesomeness that is a walk in the International Test Rose Garden on a clear evening when the flowers are blooming. Not to mention serious goofiness like the adult soap box derby coming up soon.

        All of it just enough for us to can and store good vibes about this town to get through a miserable winter and spring.

        1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

          The house next to mine is a rental and there used to be a guy living there who beat up his girlfriend every three months or so. When I would call the cops they would always send three cops, and at least one was always a lady cop. That big utility belt with the gun sticking out… Grrrrr. I know it's fucked up, but I miss that girlfriend beating neighbor.

  5. Callyson

    Hey, Portlanders, can you send some of these cops to go enforce the law in Florida? Or Wall Street?

    1. hagajim

      I wish I could retire – but it wouldn't be in Portland…too much damn rain, of course I'm not young either.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, that's niiiiiiiiiice. Now can we get back to our regular rage-inducing posts? I can hardly snark at all here, feels like I'm suffocating.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Who just took a beating in his run for Republican Primary for Congress. He finished fifth in a field of three.

  7. Geminisunmars

    Just think – if all the police came out in all of our communities, what a wonderful world it would be. I'm not sure if this is snark.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Oh hey — since this is the up-with-people post, I'd like to wish everyone a happy Juneteenth — that's the day in 1865 when the Emancipation Proclamation was announced to black people in Texas. Now if only they'd tell the white folks, Lincoln's work will have been accomplished.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, the Texas cotton farmers got a couple extra years free labor out of that little sin of omission. "Oh, I thought we told you, and that you guys liked working for us so much you just stayed on anyway!"

  9. didgen

    I am pretty sure that the lovely Portland police officer that explained so eloquently that the problem of feeding the homeless here in Portland could be lessened by utilizing the dogs and cats from the shelters was not one of these fine people. I'm also sure that he was unaware that the 6'2", 250lb guy he was talking to owned 5 cats and 3 dogs. The husband still has violent fantasies about him.

  10. hagajim

    Please come and meet our lovely GBLT friendly Poooolice. Just don't do anything too assholish or they'll "accidently" shoot you with a shotgun that was supposed to be filled with beanbag and isn't – whoopsie!

  11. Biff

    Cops are cops, I don't care if they're gay or otherwise. I don't want anything to do with them.

  12. PhilippePetain

    Huh, maybe these folks should tell all of our local fascist sympathizers to stop stomping people to death in the streets and beating up protesters consistently.

Comments are closed.