FLOTUS FILES  10:42 am June 20, 2012

Michelle Obama Jumps Rope To Amusement of Obese Kelly Ripa Fans

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Why hello, FLOTUS fans. Have you been wondering what your First Lady Michelle Antoinette Obama has been up to the past few weeks? Anything particularly scandalous aside from hanging out on Pinterest looking at pictures of smoothies and going around, giving advice to hopelessly unemployed college graduates? Oh, here is something to freak out about: our FLOTUS went on “Live! With Kelly!” on Monday to show off how completely not-obese she is, which is very elitist of her. She was wearing “palazzo pants,” because again, she thinks she is too good for jorts and a two-for-one pack of tee-shirts from Walmart! That’s the thing about our Michelle. One minute she is renting out a Spanish palace mosque for herself and her closest girlfriends, and the next minute she’s jumping rope, like poor children do in after-school specials about diversity.

Michelle Obama was joined on the show by what we assume is the least popular group of kids in Cary, North Carolina, the “Cary YMCA SuperSkippers.”

Dressed in a pair of bright blue trousers, a flower-print blouse and a green cardigan, FLOTUS helped coach a frightened Ripa, who said she was “dying to learn” the sport.

“Turning is just as important as jumping,” Michelle Obama, 48, said.

After Ripa successfully jumped rope on her second try, the First Lady was ready to show her what a real expert can do.

After her first attempt didn’t pan out, The First Lady instructed the members of the competition team to “turn faster” before she jumped in to show off her skills.

Not only is that Michelle Obama a show-off, she is bossy, giving jump-roping orders to a professional troupe of child athletes! And oh, how we love her. Here is that video.


[Politico/NY Daily News]

 

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{ 67 comments }

mrpuma2u June 20, 2012 at 10:45 am

Double dutch libel!!!!!!!

Mittens Howell, III June 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

Less elitist skipping, more dancing horses.

SorosBot June 20, 2012 at 11:15 am

Ann Romney will definitely connect with the common people with her love of dressage, whatever the fuck that is!

glasspusher June 20, 2012 at 11:42 am

Prancing ponies

SoBeach June 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

You know who else liked to Double Dutch…

nounverb911 June 20, 2012 at 10:55 am

Ann Romney's horse?

mrpuma2u June 20, 2012 at 11:00 am

"Dutch" Reagan?

SayItWithWookies June 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

Nancy and Rock Hudson.

bobbert June 20, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Winner.

Major Thom June 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

Rembrandt and Van Gogh?

not that Radio June 20, 2012 at 11:10 am
Truantly_Joe June 20, 2012 at 11:23 am

Pieter Brueghel the Elder and Pieter Brueghel the Younger?

elviouslyqueer June 20, 2012 at 11:30 am

Anne Frank?

What? Too soon?

Generation[redacted] June 20, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Harold and Kumar?

TribecaMike June 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Sylvia Kristel?

Trannysurprise June 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

She sure is uppity.

PubOption June 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

I thought that this double-rope skipping was a bit 'ethnic'.

Texan_Bulldog June 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

I know. I was surprised to see those kids were white & boys(!). I thought jump roping was for girls–sorry to stereotype…

Biel_ze_Bubba June 20, 2012 at 12:09 pm

They're gay, obvsly.

Indiepalin June 20, 2012 at 10:53 am

Headline of the day (Answers in Genesis):

"Are Mermaids Our Evolutionary Cousins?"

not that Radio June 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

Perhaps, but Neanderthals certainly weren't!

Oblios_Cap June 20, 2012 at 10:53 am

FLOTUS helped coach a frightened Ripa, who said she was “dying to learn” the sport.

Kelly Ripa was frightened by jump rope? What, was it too proletarian for her?

What a Romney!

Mittens Howell, III June 20, 2012 at 10:53 am

I would have joined in but my hand got stuck in this KFC breakfast bucket.

HempDogbane June 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

How does she avoid getting that vagina tangled in the rope?

Oblios_Cap June 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

I heard it got wedged in a crack of some sort.

Estproph June 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

I wonder if Kelly Ripa had her clean up the set afterwards.

Jus_Wonderin June 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

To the Bewitched theme?

freakishlywrong June 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

She really is History's Greatest Monster. (And her cute husband is enraging conservatives today..by acting like conservatives)

Gratuitous World June 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

that's pretty "urban" for morning tv. hope audience was given proper warnings.

MrFizzy June 20, 2012 at 10:57 am

Stick to the funnel cake jumping Michelle, or you're not an American.

DemmeFatale June 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

But she's BLAH, people!!!1!

MumbletyRadio June 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

Michelle Obama, in control of her health and appearing oblivious to critics and uninhibited from opening up new territory for First Ladies to come, though I can't see anyone else playing the part so well as this. I can die happy now.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

I would love to try that but I am afraid that I might hurt my vagina.

Chet Kincaid June 20, 2012 at 11:25 am

Does your snatch hang low? Can you shake it to and fro?

SayItWithWookies June 20, 2012 at 11:06 am

You won't see Ann Romney doing nonsense like that — she's got people to double dutch for her.

Jus_Wonderin June 20, 2012 at 11:23 am

The sisterwives must have their specialized chores.

glasspusher June 20, 2012 at 11:49 am

Really. Learn to delegate.

SorosBot June 20, 2012 at 11:06 am

This just proves that she's an elitist, jumping when normal Americans are too fat to get their bodies off the ground.

badgitator June 20, 2012 at 11:07 am

Should we be exposing our children to such an, you know…ethnic activity?

Limeylizzie June 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

May be ethnic over here, but we played it all the time when I was a kid-it's called Skipping ,in the UK.

Oblios_Cap June 20, 2012 at 11:54 am

On this side of the Pond, Skipping is what we call cutting classes.

weejee June 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

First thread today was about vaginas. Now this thread includes a bit about how our beloved FLOTUS is now an honorary Beaver doctor. There seems to be a theme today.

James Michael Curley June 20, 2012 at 11:17 am

Kelly Ripa, the World's oldest and most tiresome ingénue.

glasspusher June 20, 2012 at 11:51 am

I loved how Amy Poehler used to skewer her on SNL

freakishlywrong June 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

FVOTUS.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 20, 2012 at 12:03 pm

That does it. You may not post for two days.

Texan_Bulldog June 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

Loved the Kelly Ripa comment: don't screw this up or we'll deport you.

Chet Kincaid June 20, 2012 at 11:36 am

You see Girls, you don't have to have a dick to be a dick!

DerrickWildcat June 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

Sorry, but I'm sure fat slob shithead Limbaugh will have all kinds of XXXXL sweaty outrage over "Moochelle" being on TV.

An_Outhouse June 20, 2012 at 11:26 am

What is she going to do next, color on the side walk with chalk?

DerrickWildcat June 20, 2012 at 11:27 am

This is basically a dig at the Dutch National Team for losing every game in the Supposed group of Death.

Chet Kincaid June 20, 2012 at 11:27 am

The Uppitiest Black Folks do Double Dutch Dressage.

barto June 20, 2012 at 11:30 am

It's so refreshing to have a FLOTUS who is light years away from being a freeze-dried rhesus monkey a la Nancy Reagan.

elviouslyqueer June 20, 2012 at 11:33 am

Needs moar Frankie Smith, obvs.

Pithaughn June 20, 2012 at 11:40 am

LOVE!!

mavenmaven June 20, 2012 at 11:53 am

Those Obamas are just too "skipppity"

Chet Kincaid June 20, 2012 at 11:54 am

Is not jumping by definition "uppity"?

savethispatient June 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Uppity and then downity.

TribecaMike June 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It's the swerving ones you've really gotta watch out for.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 20, 2012 at 11:54 am

I would preferred a trampoline.

lunchbox360 June 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

So Ripa was "dying to learn" how to jump rope? Boy, hopscotch is going to be murder for her. and Jacks are just out of the fucking question.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 20, 2012 at 11:58 am

What the hell…? Does she really expect Amercian kids to get out of their hoverounds? The very cheek, daring children to do what adults do. LET KIDS BE KIDS.

owhatever June 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Ann Romney can do that on horseback.

fuflans June 20, 2012 at 2:02 pm

i have a girl crush.

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

No doubt Kelly and Lou Sarah have the same voice coach. BTW, already fapped today, so I'll watch the vid tomorrow.

YasserArraFeck June 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

FLOTUS should watch out – seeing her in close proximity to a rope's gonna give the 'Tards ideas.

DemonicRage June 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Under the "equal time" doctrine, isn't there some cable tv show where the 5 Romney sons could do a guest appearance and, as their special talent, have a circle jerk?

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