LIBERAL LIONS  10:15 am June 19, 2012

Senator Joe Manchin Will Make Zero Eye Contact With Any Democrats Until November

by Jim Newell

West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin has been relentless in trying to persuade his constituents that despite that (D) after his name and the fact that he caucuses with the Senate’s “Democratic party” to help the “Democratic party” maintain its Senate majority, he absolutely hates all Democrats and everything they do and only sticks around because… he’s spying on them to see how stupid they are, maybe. We all remember when he shot a copy of a cap-and-trade bill with a rifle, and then he didn’t even show up for the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell vote, then he voted against every other significant Democratic piece of legislation, then he said he may not vote for President Obama in November. And then 40% of West Virginia Democrats voted for Inmate No. 11593-051 over Barack Obama in the primary. Joe Manchin won’t even show up at the Democratic National Convention now.

It will be funny when Joe Manchin wins thanks to the tens of millions of dollars that the DSCC gave him to shit on their brand for years, and then switches parties the first day of the next Congress. It will be funny.

“I intend to spend this fall focused on the people of West Virginia, whether that’s representing them in my official U.S. Senate duties or here at home, where I can hear about their concerns and ideas to solve the problems of this great nation,” said Manchin in a statement. “I will remain focused on bringing people together for the next generation, not the next election.”

Eh, he seems more focused on the next election, is the thing.

[The Hill]

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Chill_Bill June 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

Joe Manchin is the new Joe Lieberman.

Chow Yun Flat June 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

Manchin is just deeper into the closet.

elviouslyqueer June 19, 2012 at 10:35 am

Not according to the animals on his farm.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:38 am

Stable, closet, it's all good.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

Without the Droopy Dog cutes.

Truantly_Joe June 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Kinda funny how they all have the same name, innit?

Major Thom June 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

Tip O'Neill would have torn this guy a new asshole.

Doktor Zoom June 19, 2012 at 10:23 am

Wrong house, but then again, he might have actually gone over to the Senate to do it…

Chow Yun Flat June 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

Tip O'Neill would have convinced Manchin to drop by the Longworth House Office Building for a meeting. Whether Manchin came back would be completely up to him.

Chichikovovich June 19, 2012 at 10:36 am

Lyndon Johnson and Sam Rayburn would have send Marcellus and the boys to go medieval on his ass.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:40 am

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Bang! Bang! Muthafucka. (not to be construed as suggesting that Manchin's gun is pointed the wrong way or any other plea for violence against a sitting US Senator)

Doktor Zoom June 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

Wrong fictional universe, I know, but can we bring in Brother Mouzone? Mostly because I'd enjoy the brick-shitting he'd inspire.

Callyson June 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Princess Nancy thought about it, decided that he wasn't worth mussing up her manicure, then plotted the seven strategies for taking the House back…

Ducksworthy June 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

West Virginians are particularly proud of their Confederate heritage. My guess is that fewer that 8% of them have a clue about why they're not still part of Virginia.

AbandonHope June 19, 2012 at 11:32 am

I'm sure they believe that Virginia was siding with that awful Union, so they broke off to support the noble Rebels.

Has about as much truth as everything else these morons believe, anyway.

MosesInvests June 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

West Virginia (like most of Appalachia) was pro-Union because they hated blacks, irrationally blaming the slaves for the fact that the planters pushed their indentured servant ancestors off the good bottomland and up into the hollers to scratch out a living from nearly vertical farm plots.

Chow Yun Flat June 19, 2012 at 10:21 am

The bluest of the blue dog-shit Democrats.

Allmighty_Manos June 19, 2012 at 10:23 am

Since Ben Nelson announced he retired, I was looking for good reason to not donate to the DSCC.

Chow Yun Flat June 19, 2012 at 10:24 am

"Manchin" is a place to rest one's Manballs.

Chill_Bill June 19, 2012 at 10:30 am

I thought "Manchin" was Brisket's nickname.

Boojum June 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Same thing.

ManchuCandidate June 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

He's the Manchin-ian Candidate.*

*hey, someone had to say it.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:27 am

I'd like to kick him in his Manballians.

elviouslyqueer June 19, 2012 at 10:36 am

Objection: facts not in evidence.

noodlesalad June 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

"Joe Manchin is the cruelest, most cowardly, dumbest, most awful Democrat I know."

Halloween Jack June 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

Manchin may have problems in the next election without that pinko liberal Ben Nelson to kick around anymore.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 19, 2012 at 10:26 am

West Virginia: Last Refuge of the Dixiecrat

BaldarTFlagass June 19, 2012 at 10:26 am

Yeah, he only joined the Democratic party so he could benefit from the Robert Byrd/KKK connection.

Schmannnity June 19, 2012 at 10:26 am

He sat out the Don't Ask Don't Tell vote on principle. Until all a free to marry their cousins, none of us are free.

Major Thom June 19, 2012 at 10:28 am

Don't you mean brothers/sisters?

nonbeliever7 June 19, 2012 at 10:40 am

Brother/uncle or sister/aunt. Now that's a progressive state we NYers envy.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

Sister-mom from Corning told me it's much closer than that.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:26 am

Joe Manchin. Joe Theismann. Separated at derp?

Arken June 19, 2012 at 10:27 am

And here I thought all the Dixiecrats left the party back in the 40s.

elburritodeluxe June 19, 2012 at 10:27 am

Harry Reid has to stitch together a majority somehow. This is what makes the Senate a different animal.

Chow Yun Flat June 19, 2012 at 10:37 am

Manchin is an animal–Oink, Oink.

noodlesalad June 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

West Virginia, that's still a thing, eh?

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

Obviously, this is all a ploy on Manchin's part to extract some concessions from Harry Reid in the next session, but what the fuck could he possibly get, apart from some committee chairs? He's only been in the fucking Senate for two years.

larrykat June 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

Well this is simple. Why don't' you move in with Joe Lieberman so you can both go fuck yourselves?

thatsitfortheother1 June 19, 2012 at 10:34 am

Look at that photo. Srsly, who the fock goes hunting/to the range with not one but two gold rings on?

These guys can't even redneck right.

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:41 am

One's his wedding ring.

One's his purity ring.

You can't explain it.

thatsitfortheother1 June 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

One's his high school ring (probably didn't get much further).

Come here a minute June 19, 2012 at 10:34 am

It was funny when Jeffords did it to Dubya. Why am I not finding this as funny?

SorosBot June 19, 2012 at 10:36 am

And yet the purity trolls will continue to insist that it's Obama's fault he couldn't force Congress to pass a more liberal agenda.

Generation[redacted] June 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

The most divisive President since Abraham Lincoln. Impeach!

actor212 June 19, 2012 at 10:55 am

Lincoln really had it in for those damned vampires…

Antispandex June 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

But is it Joe's problem, or the Democratic Party's problem, that he is being given support by people who hate his policies? Is he supposed to turn the money down? Not Joe's fault. It DOES make me wonder about that request for funds from the Democrats I recieved. I just don't think I'm that much of a masochist.

SayItWithWookies June 19, 2012 at 10:51 am

Joe Manchin would be a liberal if the West Virginia wind was blowing that way — unfortunately it's coming from South-by-Crazy, which means he's liberal the way a raspberry sorbet with capers is a tasty treat.

freakishlywrong June 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

Take away the hillfolk's foodstamps.

EatsBabyDingos June 19, 2012 at 11:00 am

Gun-lovin' Joe is now a member of the Wyatt Earp section of the DNC, and will now be known as Joe Manchin (D-Earp).

Mittens Howell, III June 19, 2012 at 11:00 am

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand? A backstabbing cunts convention, maybe?

rickmaci June 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

Fuck FDR for giving these asshats electricity. As it is they remain shoeless, toothless and clueless.

iburl June 19, 2012 at 11:51 am

Maybe if we sent a few hundred thousand dentists in to WV they wouldn't be such grumpy assholes.

owhatever June 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

It's a small thing, really, but being from West Virginia means you are not good enough to live among the hillbillies of the real Virginia. Hard on the ego. Some people never get over it.

ttommyunger June 20, 2012 at 7:31 am

Big dumb cunts will be big dumb cunts.

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