ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE  3:20 pm June 18, 2012

Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

I don't belong hereThis is so interesting! Birther/Obama-suer/Taitz-feuder-wither Gary Kreep, currently ahead in a race for a San Diego judgeship by like 1000 votes over the even more unfortunately named Garland Peed, is outspoken in the belief that President Barack Obama is a moon alien (duh), abortion must be prosecuted, and icky homosexuals do not deserve the same civil rights as the rest of us. He is also the head of lots and lots of wacky rightwing foundations. Enjoy him, San Diego! Also to enjoy? Eagle-eyed Wonkette operative Steverino247 sends along these fun financial disclosure forms showing he is taking said foundations for everything they’ve got!

From his law practice, over 100K per year
From his Beat Obama PAC, between $1,001 and 10,000 in salary
From his Republican Majority Campaign PAC, $10,001 to 100K in salary
From his US Justice Foundation (a non-profit legal foundation), over 100K in salary
From renting property to his PAC’s and the Ramona Teacher’s Association (irony alert), from $10,001 to 100K.

Notes our Steverino: “he makes between $221,003 and $410,000 per year and possibly much more since two of the categories are ‘More than $100,000.’”

According to Guidestar, in 2010 (latest available), Kreep collected $222,000 from the United States Justice Foundation. It must have been difficult working those 40 hours while also running two other PACs and his law practice, but we guess he is just one of those insatiable workaholic types who never sleeps. Like Martha Stewart, but with insane lawsuits against the president instead of centerpieces and high-Wasp sheets. [SDCityBeat/SDVote]

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nounverb911 June 18, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Can this guy afford to be a lowly paid judge?

ph7 June 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

He will immediately start a PAC supporting his recall, and a legal defense fund to fight the recall effort, which will hire his law firm to perform the legal research. And maybe start a Disabled Veterans Honor Society; those always seem very profitable, with no questions asked.

Steverino247 June 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Shh! He might be reading this.

actor212 June 18, 2012 at 3:23 pm

He looks like Stephen Hawking's sicker, creepier brother

sullivanst June 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

To me, and I'm just being British here, he looks like longtime player of a Detective on TV, David Jason, who probably understands the concept of justice better than Gary Kreep, but that's not exactly saying much.

BaldarTFlagass June 18, 2012 at 3:35 pm

He's probably not as intelligible when he speaks, though.

glasspusher June 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Stephen Hawking is just as much of a pervert as the rest of us, I'm happy to say. Nice that his sensory nerves are working just fine.

Allmighty_Manos June 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Well least he's aptly named.

MissTaken June 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Never trust a Kreep in a candy cane tie.

nounverb911 June 18, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Tucker Carlson's daddy?

JustPixelz June 18, 2012 at 3:31 pm

A lesson we all eventually learn the hard way.

ph7 June 18, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Tickle Monster

coolhandnuke June 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm

He's so fucking special.

Come here a minute June 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

He floats like a feather in a beautiful world.

Estproph June 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

What the heck is he doing here? He doesn't belong here. Whistle solo ♫♪♪♪♫♫♪♫

philpjfry June 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I don't know whether to smile because right wing nut jobs are giving this a hole money, or cry because there are people that dumb in this country

Estproph June 18, 2012 at 3:26 pm

All that money, and that's the best he can come up with for a tie?

memzilla June 18, 2012 at 3:30 pm


actor212 June 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

That's from the TGI Friday's collection of Guy Fiere.

MissTaken June 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I don't like to talk about Guy Fiere's Flare.

keinsignal June 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I believe the tie is meant to advertise that his services are also available for bloodletting.

actor212 June 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Oh, NICELY played!

*polite golf clap*


glasspusher June 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Probably a gift from his wife/mother/concubine. How's he going to get out of not wearing it?

Steverino247 June 18, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Chinese prostitute: "Take off your tie"

Jack Burton: "I know what you mean. My wife gave it to me for Christmas!"

Gopherit June 18, 2012 at 3:27 pm

This won't interfere with his ability to impartially make insane decisions that defy logic.

Schmannnity June 18, 2012 at 3:27 pm

For $300, he could file a petition for name change.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Change the 'K' typo to a 'C.'

trondant June 18, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"Gary Asshole" has a nice ring to it.

BaldarTFlagass June 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"Birther/Obama-suer/Taitz-feuder-wither Gary Kreep"

I'd be interested to know where he differs from Orly. Is it the "hotter/wetter/tighter" thing?

not that Radio June 18, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Her moustache is more prominent.

glasspusher June 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Thanks for that. No need for me to want lunch now…

Schmannnity June 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I would rather the other guy win for the headline Peed Over Kreep.

noodlesalad June 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

These financial disclosure rules must be hell on Lucifer. People who used to sell their souls for a lot less are demanding multiple income streams, board positions, and paid TV gigs. Keeps Hades busy, but transparent, at least.

memzilla June 18, 2012 at 3:29 pm

If you have Peed Kreep — see your urologist.

CrunchyKnee June 18, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Water is wet, dogs will hunt, and tea baggers are dumber than shit.

SayItWithWookies June 18, 2012 at 3:30 pm

So he rents his own property to his own PACs, who pay for it with donated money — so essentially these fucking rubes are paying Gary Kreep to own land. And why do I get the sneaking suspicion that his "law practice" consists of consulting to his PACs, too?

BaldarTFlagass June 18, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I wonder how he will rule on any Kreeping Sharia Law cases that might show up on his docket.

MissTaken June 18, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Oh I'm sure he Peed his pants whenever he heard of Kreeping Sharia.

Steverino247 June 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Not many agriculture cases come up, despite the farming that goes on there.

President, Creeping Sharia Horticultural Society

MissTaken June 18, 2012 at 3:31 pm

That's it. Time for me to start the MissTaken PAC, pay myself $10,001 to 100K in salary, and then rent my property (a 2000 Honda Civic) to said PAC.

SorosBot June 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Well it is a cute little Civic that still runs well; the PAC will be getting its money's worth.

rickmaci June 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I would love to see a ghouls gallery of pics with all the Republigoons who sport a Bolten/Kreep style mustache.

johnnyzhivago June 18, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Supreme Court Material here!

BaldarTFlagass June 18, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Where was PRESIDENT Obama BORN?

Someone just discovered how to make different fonts and italics and bolds and such.

BarackMyWorld June 18, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I can't get that mad about conning the birthers out of their money.

glasspusher June 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm

It is morally reprehensible to let a sucker keep their money.

thesuniverse June 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I want in on that. It's my duty as an American.

JustPixelz June 18, 2012 at 3:34 pm

At least he won't be an "activist judge". In fact he may not be a "wise judge". Or a "competent judge". All those traits are disparaged* by the Repubicans and TP'ers.
* Mr Kreep: If you're reading it means regard or represent as being of little worth.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 18, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Can we put Kreep, Peed and Taitz in a room with no corners, give them forks, and let them decide who will win this election?

MissTaken June 18, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I heard Kreep Peed on his Taitz.

rmjagg June 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm

kreep peed taint

bikerlaureate June 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Metal forks, or plastic forks?

Blueb4sunrise June 18, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Steverino was giving updates. Is he okay?

Steverino247 June 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I didn't want to fuck up your weekend. Plus, I was figuring out how to tweet about some important people in the Sac Bee.

Gopherit June 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

So when is our wonkette going to form its own superPAC to fund their trips to exotic corners of the US to drink at bars?

starfanglednut June 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm


mavenmaven June 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm

The GOP motto: There's a sucker born every minute (and they believe our talking points!)

Baconzgood June 18, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Grifters gotta grift people.

thefrontpage June 18, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Gary Kreep is an extra-terrestrial homosexual.

Chet Kincaid June 18, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Is this a real election, or a viral/stealth-reboot of Fernwood 2Night?!

Steverino247 June 18, 2012 at 5:12 pm

It's too real for the "well qualified" Mr. Peed, I'm afraid. 400,000 coin tosses later, he may lose to "lacking qualifications" Mr. Kreep. Just in time, though. The state budget is going to kill the courts. L.A. and SFO already started big layoffs and closures and San Diego has enough reserves to last this year with some voluntary early retirements and job freeze-like stuff. 2013 will be very fucking ugly, though.

randcoolcatdaddy June 18, 2012 at 3:53 pm

If you were looking for a lawyer, would you want a Kreep on your side?

XtfrM June 18, 2012 at 4:02 pm

It would just be impossible to improve upon this man's name.

Antispandex June 18, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I don't know for sure, but I don't believe I could vote for this guy even IF I were a wingtard. He just looks like the kind of guy you would see driving an "Ice Cream" truck.

glasspusher June 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Geez, with plate tectonics, in a few dozen million years, his district will be right up here by San Francisco! I better get my house on the market before prices crash.

telecustom1972 June 18, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Can't wait to hear this Kreep's inevitable explanation regarding his need for a "wide stance" in the men's wash room.

PhilippePetain June 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I hear that nobody bears more grudges than lonely….high. court…. AHEM.

StarsUponThars June 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Kreep Peed & Stole, Attorneys at Law

thesuniverse June 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

How am I working like a sucker?

I am clearly in the wrong business.

owhatever June 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Stay classy, San Diego.

ttommyunger June 18, 2012 at 7:05 pm

He'll get my support when his mother quits buying his clothes and laying them out for him every morning….NOT!

Steverino247 June 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Here's the latest results with about 2000 left to go:

SUPERIOR COURT – Office No. 34

GARY GEORGE KREEP 202873 50.18%

GARLAND PEED 201415 49.82%

With a difference of 1458 with only 2000 to go, it's statistically unlikely that Peed can prevail. There may be a recount under the circumstances, but…

fuflans June 18, 2012 at 9:43 pm

it's all fun and games until someone gets their constitutional protections poked out.

ratcityrebel June 18, 2012 at 10:25 pm

I honestly think my favorite part of the entire race is finding out that Garland Peed's website is actually

freddymcmurray June 19, 2012 at 6:58 am

I refuse to believe that that photo is not Brucey from Kids in the Hall.

DahBoner June 19, 2012 at 8:16 am

With that kind of money, he could afford to buy a quieter penis pump to use during hearings…

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