MexicanIt is hard to be Mitt Romney trying to decide what he wants people to think he believes about immigration. He has to strike just the right note: not alienating Latino voters while being totally and constantly bug-eyed, Jan Brewer-style racist for the GOP base. The most important part of this three-legged stool, though? Being the opposite of Barack Obama at all times!

“I believe the status of young people who come here through no fault of their own is an important matter to be considered and should be solved on a long-term basis so they know what their future would be in this country,” Romney said.

OK, Mitt Romney is for the Dream Act, fellows! You remember — the super-duper popular part of immigration reform that applies to kids who came here illegally before they were 16, and are good kids who want to either go to college or join the Army. How popular is the Dream Act? Three-fourths of Arizonans support it. So how do you think he will blame Obama for making it happen? Put on your thinking brain. Do you have a guess?

He continued: “I think the actions that the president took today make it more difficult to reach that kind of long term solution because an executive order, of course, is a short-term matter that can be reversed by subsequent presidents.”

So Obama’s executive order on deportation priorities and enforcement will somehow preclude Congress from passing it too? Sure, why not! Do you find this tortured? Of course you do. That logic was waterboarded, put in pink underwear, and had to listen to “Oops! I Did It Again” for seven days straight. Congress would not pass the Dream Act. Obama used his authority to direct executive-branch agencies to implement it anyway, because Congress would not pass it. Obama is a poopyhead for leaving it to be overturned by future administrations, as is the nature of executive orders. Why won’t Barack Obama just be Congress? We know! He is too busy golfing! [BuzzFeed]

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  • nounverb911

    So Mitt would deport his own father back to Mexico?

    • NellCote71

      He would ask him to self-deport.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Well his father was some kind of liberal hippie if you look at his policies.

      • JustPixelz

        Kids! You try to raise 'em right, but sometimes they end up millionaire Republican assholes.

    • MrFizzy

      I am vaguely hoping that Romney gets elected just to see what an unmitigated clusterfuck it will be. Jaded though I am, it still amazes me how stupid half the people in this country really are. And I'm sorry to end two consecutive sentences in prepositions, but if you don't like it, well.

      • sullivanst

        DO NOT WANT.

        We'd all be part of the cluster getting fucked, and not in a good way.

        I knew a guy decided in the end he wanted Bush to win reelection because it'd make the revolution come sooner. That didn't work out so well, now, did it?

      • Puffperney

        I hear you Mr. Fizzy! Although not vaguely hoping for a Romney win, I'm thinking it is very possible, given the electorate. Then, I think we will have to develop a taste for Schadenfreude as the electorate gets what they deserve as Mencken put it: "Good and Hard".

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Deportation is too good for him.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Idea for a new grassroots movement: bodies of people born in Mexico should be re-interred in Mexico. Mitt's father will go, symbolically, first.

    • TribecaMike

      And just for the hell of it, his wife as well.

  • Estproph

    Saw a shithead use that "Obama plays golf but Bush never did" crap just this morning. They honestly think that no one remembers "Now watch this drive". Christ, do they really think we're that stupid?

  • JustPixelz

    By not proposing or doing anything, Romney and Go-Pee'ers basically support aborting grown children from the womb of the United States.

  • nounverb911

    Can we deport Boehner back to Oompah Loompahland now?

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Not enough cocoa beans in the world for a bribe to make them take him back.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      What about the Vinicius Knids?

  • NellCote71

    Obama is politicizing the process.

    • nounverb911

      In politics, everything is political.

      • Ryy

        He is processing the politics

        • Or policing the proctologists.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Trying to get votes by doing things that are popular with his voters and that he said he would do…what kind of bullshit is that?

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      The Left: "Isn't that what politicians do?"
      The Middle: "Isn't that what politicians do?"
      The Right: "IMPEACH!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I have a wet DREAM."
    —Dr Mitten Luther Romney.

    • sullivanst

      Wet, because he soaked it in gasoline, and is about to strike the match.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Instead of your poor, your tired, your huddled masses, can I have some rich vibrant campaign volunteers with straight white teeth and a GOP-approved twinkle in their eyes?

  • Wait until Wingnuts realize that Willard himself is an "Anchor Baby."

    • BarackMyWorld

      Mitt was never a baby.

      • Oh come on! Once upon a time, he had that "new robot" scent and everything!

        • sullivanst

          Holy shit that thing's even creepier that Mitt's "practical jokes".

        • NYNYNYjr

          Hispanic baby robot maker…did anyone suddenly imagine a huge conspiracy involving a Boy-From-Brazil-Except-Mexico, Mitt, Robots, Mormon colonies, and Republicans?

    • Anchor or Anger?

    • IOKIYAR.

  • MLite

    So…either President Obama is re-elected, or the next President will be Mitt Romney. Is he saying he'd reverse it?

    • Puffperney

      Good one. I had that thought too. Regardless of who wins in November the directive should last for four more years – assuming Romney doesn't do away with it if he wins.

  • Mitt also seems to think that Obama is "playing politics" because he didn't address this enough with Congress in the 2-1/2 years he was trying to save the economy, the financial system and the health system. Yes, by doing anything sensible and/or within his authority right now, Obama is "playing politics."

    Why does Romney bother addressing anything he can't take a clear shot at Obama on, instead of muddling around with this kind of bullshit and making himself look vaguely silly? Oops, Mittens, don't read that!!

    • sullivanst

      because he didn't address this enough with Congress

      Indeed, because it's totally like he hasn't addressed this before.

      BTW, is there anything Romeny can take a clear shot at Obama on without making himself look vaguely silly? Wouldn't that require there being an issue Romney hasn't take all sides on already?

    • Callyson

      Not to mention that when W tried to do one relatively unshitty thing and make some mild reforms on immigration, the wingnuts in his party were not having it: does Mittens really think anyone believes Obama would have better luck? Christ, does he really think we are that stupid?

      …yeah, I know, I know…

    • Wasn't there an oil spill somewhere? Maybe I have it mixed up with that hurricane in Disneyworld. That was probably a major distraction.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Romney can't tell the truth about his policies because it will cause his CPU to combust

    "I am lying, but if everything I say is a lie, then I am telling the truth, but I cannot tell the truth because everything I say is a lie, but I lie… I tell the truth but I cannot for I lie… illogical! Illogical! Please explain!"

  • Ryy

    Romney doesn't just flip-flop, he "pre-flips". Here he is telling us on the TeeVee "I am for this but against it also."

    • Schroedinger's Candidate.

      • I wish the box would open already. The suspense is killing me.

        • Dr. Nick Riviera

          At least we all know where the cat is: strapped to Mitt Romney's bumper. The cat loves it.

          • sullivanst

            Given the choice of strapped to the car, or inside with Mitt, I'm not sure I wouldn't choose the former too.

      • mrpuma2u

        Heisenberg's position uncertainty lack of principles.

      • Veritas78

        Or Sophie's Choice.

    • Tundra Grifter

      As governor of Massachusetts, that was (r)Money's position on gay marriage – "Both."

      • CthuNHu

        You know who else had two positions on gay marriage?

        • Ryy

          Gay Reagan?

  • noodlesalad

    I think Obama's response of "I did it this way because fuck congress" will also resonate with the American voters.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "good kids who want to either go to college or join the Army."

    Those kids just want to be welfare babies!

  • Hey Mittens. It's very hard to run in flip-flops. Traction is lousy.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Blew out my flip flop,
      Stepped on a poptop.

      Cut up my heel
      Had to cruise on back home.

  • MissTaken

    Hey Mittens! You know that Day One, Job One line you use? Do you really think Congress is going to pass all your ideas on Day One® or will you rely on short-term executive orders to get your Job One® done?

    • Somebody's fixin' to get slapped!!

      • sullivanst

        Are you calling MissTaken old? Commie part is obvs., of course.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      It amazes me that he takes this stand that once he's in the White House, everybody in congress will start to play nice and immigration reform will finally be settled, like they haven't been fighting over this for the last fucking 30 years with no hope of consensus.

      • Dr. Nick Riviera

        Well, they will play nicer. Dems do not obstruct like Republicans do. They just don't. Too many of them are goody two shoes weak willed people who can't bear to get in the mud and rassle

      • SorosBot

        But that's how they do it in the business world! Which is yet another reason corporate executives make horrible presidents.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Given what craven assholes Congressional Democrats are, they will probably pass absolutely every bill that Mitt's advisors can come up with.

      • sullivanst

        Like how Nancy Pelosi passed Bush's Social Security privatization plan? Oh, wait…

        • anniegetyerfun

          That was one instance in which they didn't cave, but the idea also had no populat support. Bush started traveling around the country to promote it, and senior citizens were angrily pronouncing it a bad idea. But almost anything else Bush asked for, the Dems happily provided.

  • BarackMyWorld

    How long till Mitt implements his "That was my position all along" subroutine?

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Negative 3 days. Politico was already floating a turd on Friday that Obama only acted because the GOP was totally going to do this very same thing with Rubio's plan.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Did anyone believe them?

        Who am I kidding? Politico = beltway gospel.

      • sullivanst

        The GOP was totally going to use their President to issue an Executive Order?

        How long did Politico spend polishing that turd?

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Just as soon as the "What was my position all along" subroutine completes it run.
      So, never.

      • not that Radio

        while (1)

  • Drudge/Fox headline: November 7, 2012

    Romney comes in second!
    Obama comes in next to last.


  • scvirginia

    Poor Obama- he couldn't do this & the gay marriage thing just before the election or he'd be accused of being a politician, so by Nov. his fickle base will have forgotten everything but their grievances about what he didn't do.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but I didn't think this was an executive order, but rather an announcement that Napolitano's office was changing their priorities regarding detainment/deportation.

  • ttommyunger

    "Whatever! Just get that family of Blahs out of the White House!" – John Q. Rightard.

  • So, inferring from Romney's statement, Obama is pandering to the Latino vote by implementing a non-binding executive order which at heart is the policy that Romney himself would pursue, except he opposes it, which is exactly the opposite of what he's said in the past, which in turn was the opposite of what else he's said in the past, so he thinks it should be law but won't commit to passing it because that would be wrong?

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Thank you for clearing that up and ending my confusion.

      • He'd have to issue an executive order.

  • PubOption

    Is that photo at the top one of Mittens' Mexican Mormon relatives? Do they knock on doors and give their victims the choice of converting on the spot, or being shot and then baptized posthumously?

    • Bapteesm? We don't got no bapteesm! We don't need no steenkin' bapteesm!

      • Ducksworthy

        Full immersion surrounded by ceramic cows or GTFO.

  • Consistency? We don't need no stinkin' consistency.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Why must I constantly get up, trudge over to the Mittbott and slap the side of the unit to disrupt the malfunctioning reception? WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' REMOTE?!

  • Does this mean Jose his gardener can work again?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Jose – Can you see?

    • Sure looks like it.

    • Veritas78

      Only in the dark.

  • Ducksworthy

    Uh. Just a thought…but given that every good Mormon family, in addition to reproducing abundantly, has stockpiled a year's supply of food and water, how would a Mormon Bishop, given the keys to the U.S. nuclear arsenal, respond to the idea of a war with say Iran and Russia?

    • "Now, that's just fearmongering based on the inconvenient and bizarre details of a religion that I have complete amnesia about!" — Mittens

      • Ducksworthy

        The only question I have is "Is the magic underwear radiation proof?" I suspect it was intended to be.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Do yourself a favor and DO NOT research how the Mormons believe the world will end.
      You do not need that additional stress.

      • Ducksworthy

        Screw it. I'm going to let myself crash into complete paranoid schizophrenia anyway. Can you direct me to a document to fulfill my delusion(?)?

      • It doesn't sound that different from the other nutbags.

        • Ducksworthy

          Nice. So the "Honor fhe Priesthood" would mean elect a Bishop president and then Jeebus will come back to Amurikka on a Harley to round up the Lost Tribes. I suspect nukklear war will greatly accelerate this process.

          • I'm telling ya. These fuckin' nutbags' idea of a better place/time is blowing everyone and everything away. After all, if we're all dead, we won't have nuthin' to complain about, WILL WE?

            Jeeze, they make me feel all shouty, ragey, and stabby.

  • Why implementing the Dream Act hurts the (Romboto Preznit) Dream Act.


  • Fuck all that noise — "Roberto The Professor" is going to be the breakout campaign-stop character of the Mittens campaign:

    • I saw that, and wondered how many right wing warbloggers would get sandbagged by it.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      I am stupider for having read that man's thoughts

    • Ducksworthy

      This is classic Maoist thought. Make things bad enough and the masses will rise up and destroy their oppressors. However, he overlooks the fact that Amurricans may starve but as long as they have the newest electronic geegaw they won't notice. Sorry Roberto.

  • Speaking of Mitz, you need a knuckleball catcher's mit (the one on the right obvs), to catch the knuckleheaded sound bites Mittens emits.

  • "I also believe that children are our future; teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier."

    "Whitney Houston has made the long term pursuit of that Dream more difficult by dying in a bathtub. I would have done it differently. Just saying."

    • I like the cut of your snark!

      • Thanks, I cut it myself. Kind of uneven in the back.

  • Goonemeritus

    “I think the actions that the president took today make it more difficult to reach that kind of long term solution because an executive order, of course, is a short-term matter that can be reversed by subsequent presidents.”

    This is only a problem if we have subsequent Presidents, I assume we will just keep electing President Obama over and over. Why should we be slaves to that silly 2 term rule.

  • SorosBot

    This is a good attack angle, because if there's one thing the American electorate cares about, it's the process, not actual results.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Especially if it is disrespectful towards America's beloved congress.

    • "He threw a no-hitter, but it shouldn't count because the ump blew a strike call"

      • BerkeleyBear

        Mets libel! (Only it was a fair ball, not a strike/ball issue).

  • littlebigdaddy

    Here's an idea the GOP can endorse: let the Messicans in, but only the ones that rich Americans are willing to buy. You know, they could do planting, harvesting, gardening, and some of the better looking ones could work inside cooking, cleaning, and fucking the master. If they were really good, maybe the master would give them papers when he dies. It's a plan that could really unite the factions of the GOP, although maybe a little too liberal for some!

  • sullivanst

    What makes Romney think that we'll buy from him the exact same bullshit argument we decried when Obama advanced it as a reason to continue pissing on teh gh3ys by not issuing an XO requiring Federal contractors not to fire people for rubbing their genitals against similar genitals in their own fucking bedrooms?

    We will not buy this bullshit.

  • Ducksworthy

    Fortunately the Catholic Bishops are working assiduously to make sure the ignorant among their immigrant flock support one of their own, a Bishop: even if he is a godless non-christian one. He is at least white for Crissakes.

  • Tundra Grifter

    In a semi-serious Monday morning mood, here is my current favorite (r)Money quote:

    2007: His first White House bid under way, (r)Money "longed in many respects to actually be in Vietnam."

    "I was supportive of my country," Romney said. "I longed in many respects to actually be in Vietnam and be representing our country there, and in some ways it was frustrating not to feel like I was there as part of the troops that were fighting in Vietnam."

    Do ya think he didn't feel like he was there because he wasn't there? He longed to go, and was frustrated that he didn't go. But he still didn't go.

    And back then, if he'd joined the Army or the Marines or even the fucking Coast Guard I guarandamntee you he would have gone.

    Al Gore went. But (r)Money just longed for it – while he felt like he wasn't there.

    • (Returning from Wiki bio) Why did I not know that about Al Gore? Respect.

      • Tundra Grifter


        Leaving aside the whole Florida election debacle and the US Supreme Court disaster, I think in time history will tell that the 2000 election was one of the worst in our history.

        Al Gore is just so far above George Bush as a leader and a person. Bush was the better candidate. There is no doubt in my mind Gore would have been a far better President.

        • Bush was such a ying-yang!

          • bobbert


        • sullivanst

          Isn't it sad that "doesn't give a flying fuck about anything or anyone" now translates into "better candidate"?

          In fact, it's deeply tragic.

    • Millennial Malaise

      Even John "Foppish Elite Caricature" Kerry went to Vietnam. And I didn't even know until recently that Jimmy Carter was a navy officer. I really can't stand these chickhawks but there is nothing Republicans like more than to disparage real heros (ie: MAX CLELAND LIBEL!!).

      • Tundra Grifter

        John Kerry was a genuine hero. Not only did he fight in Viet Nam. He came home and tried to right the wrongs he saw done there. He stood up for his principles – which, after all, are the best American values.

    • i longed in many respects to actually be in vietnam

      but not in those respects where you actually, you know, did something about it.


      • Tundra Grifter


        Exactly! It's not even "I woulda gone; I just didn't."

        Apparently his frustration at not feeling like he was there was not great enough to actually go there.

    • I love how this rich, powerful, cowardly hypocrite dares to flap his gums on this issue, when 58,000 bodies have rotted into the soil there, and so many came home leaving pieces of their bodies and, worse yet, minds in a foreign land where they had no business being. Has he ever done a single noteworthy thing for those vets he "longed to be there" with?

  • Come here a minute

    He is too busy golfing being black!

  • mavenmaven

    In other words, its uppity ("short term") for a black person to do it, leave it to us proper big dick white folks to do it for real, not in a "short term" way.

    • "[…] leave it to us proper big dick white folks […]"

      Ahem. Racist stereotype FAIL.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Watch it Mitt, you keep putting too many contradictory things in too little sentences and you're going to blow your hard drive.

    • His wife said "floppy," just FYI.

  • didgen

    I don't think Romney actually means for them to have a future in this country, do they not just long for the homeland they've never seen? He just wants to reuinite them with their native soil, or maybe ours.

  • barto

    Let's face it, Bommerz is just trying to sneak in some way of legitmizing his own legal status, duh.

  • DahBoner

    Ever been to SLC?

    Lots and lots of tall blonde Blondes.

    Amazing how many Scandanavians fell for that Mormon crap…

  • Nostrildamus

    Speaking of three-legged stools, how's Dick Cheney doing these days?

  • Scarletyoshi

    When Romney says it can be overturned by future presidents, does he mean himself? Isn't that all the more reason to stick with the guy who put it in place?

  • Guppy

    an executive order, of course, is a short-term matter that can be reversed by subsequent presidents

    Like all those controversial Bush-era executive orders Obama reversed! Oh, wait…Since you yourself, Mittens, are seeking to be the "subsequent president," is this your roundabout way of saying you'd reverse it on "day one?"

  • rickmaci

    Love that photo. I gotta get me an outfit with some bandoliers.

  • i am in no way confident that citizens united or an adelson intervention won't throw this election, but bamz does seem to have the knack of boxing the mittbot into an uncomfortable corner.

    • I don't know why people whine about him caving. He does classic ju-jitsu manoeuvres. Use your opponent's agressive attacks to trip them into a corner from which they cannot escape. He's done it so often, no wonder the Repigs won't throw their Numba Won candidates into the lineup against him. Rope-A-Dope. He's the expert.

      • Veritas78

        I can't wait for the debates.

        Ann has suggested leaving platters of fried chicken and watermelon just a bit off-camera.

        • He will wipe the floor with Mittens. I think I've figured out why Republicons like to yell at the man. It's because they ain't got nothing. They can't get in a reasoned debate with him because he can tie them in knots and spin them in circles. Yelling. It's all they got.

  • Antispandex

    "…because an executive order, of course, is a short-term matter that can be reversed by subsequent presidents.”

    Hey, Mitt, quit telegraphing your moves. Save that kind of stuff for AFTER the election.

  • ttommyunger

    Give the guy some slack, it must be really difficult to express one's core beliefs when none exist.

  • BrooklynMature

    Mitt is a slut! He is the truest example of the word — he has sold his body to the right wing of the Republican party, repudiating everything he believed in as recently as five years ago, to get their support for the Presidency.

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