this week in mexicans

Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Anchor Babies Away!

Loves mexicansRepublicans are mad at Mexican lover Barack Obama because he wants to temporarily not destroy the lives of brown people who have lived in America pretty much their whole life by renditioning them to a country they have never lived in so they can starve in a lonely wasteland of fear. Go get em GOP! Always on the side of the little guy.

We all know America is the greatest country in the world and everyone wants to come here for our shattered economy, fried twinkies, and so they can take part in murdering Arab children with sky robots.

The problem is we are SO good that now we have to start being selective! This is why besides deporting old gross Mexicans and their demon music, some people want to go after their children who were raised here, made friends here, went to school here, loved here, and even fought in our illegal wars! (And some people want to go after their children who were born here, which is a whole other level of fucked-up racist.)

Now many people who believe in strong immigration laws have a good point. Why should some weird-talker come in to our country when WE EARNED our stay by having our parents fuck here. Do you know how much effort it takes as a ghost sperm to convince your mom to fuck your dad? A. LOT. Don’t tell us we didn’t earn our keep.

Even some of the staunchest and most dedicated racists think deporting children who were born here is unfair. But not Rep. Steve King, who is now suing Obama for not deporting people that make him uncomfortable. “I’ll see your melting pot, and I’ll shit in it. For I am Steve King! And I am the worst.”

Idiots like Steve, who wear being white like it’s a badge of fucking honor, believe in something called anchor babies. The term anchor baby means that these sneaky Mexicans snuck into America while pregnant so that they could plant their child flag in our America hole and live the good life. Because what a great easy con that is!

I can see the conversation now:

“Hey sweetheart, I know you’re pregnant with a tiny creature inside of you and you can’t really walk, your water may break at any second, and since this is our first baby I want this to be magical….soooo…how do you feel about marine crawling under barbed wire and dodging bullets so we can get to America, where we can steal their jobs…that don’t fucking exist!”

“Will I be able to meet American Idol winner Phil Philipps?!”

“Sure! And remember to run in zig zags! LOVE YOU!”

Republicans refuse to accept that some people do things because they are fucking desperate, not because they are evil. That many jobless would love a job. That people without health care aren’t working the system, they just don’t want to fucking die. And that if we were going to deport people who are mooching off the system it would be the bankers we bailed out after tanking the economy. If we are going to deport someone who offers nothing to this country, it would be members of Congress, Donald Trump, and the free credit report dot com band, not the kid who is trying to live.

So Barack Obama, you deported a shit load of people, but this is a good election strategy, first step. Now just ignore the racists, and call them what they are, racists, and figure out a way these DREAM Act kids can stay for good.

Jamie Kilstein might have conflated DREAMers with “anchor babies” for this column, but Steve King probably does too. Kilstein is on Twitter. He has a podcast with Allison Kilkenny. That is all.

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254 comments

    1. SayItWithWookies

      His constituents should vote his ass out and continue our proud tradition of ridding ourselves of idiot kings.

  1. flamingpdog

    Great Sunday morning rant, Jamie. Wish I had a clever response, but all I can say is, that as a Steve, I wish Steve King would go fuck himself. Repeatedly. With a rusty cheese grater.

    AND HAPPY FATHER'S DAY EVERYBODY.

    Also,too:Can't we all get along?

      1. MittBorg

        I know he had a hard time after his beatdown and wonder how much of that was due to the head trauma he suffered. I wish the cops who had done that were with him right now. And not just in thought, either.

      1. flamingpdog

        The two male pups have called. The female pup left me a Father's Day Facebook message. All is good.

        1. MittBorg

          Good little puppers. Ya raised 'em right.

          High danger of fire and warning also for a new fire started somewhere near you. Stay safe!

          1. flamingpdog

            Thanks for the update. The new fire is actually farther away from me than the old one, but it's also generally downwind while the old one is upwind for the most part, so maybe we'll get some smoke from this one.

    1. glamourdammerung

      So now that Rodney King is gone, I am left wondering what is going to make bitter white Republicans go instantly insane after Al Sharpton and Jesse King die.

        1. glamourdammerung

          Alright, more insane than "normal". I swear, one of them could drink a Coke and there would be a meltdown on Fox "news".

  2. Grief_Lessons

    I have spent some time in the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York, and if these anchor babies can make pizza and wings half as good, then America has nothing to fear.

  3. Barb

    Speaking of Kings….
    Rodney King is dead. Do we have to riot again? I am confused.

    Oh, if you guys are looting today I need:
    Suntan lotion
    Almond M&M's.

    Thanks in advance!

        1. flamingpdog

          Here's to SUGAR!! I hardly ever eat sugary things anymore, except for Peanut M & Ms, but I bought glazed cinnamon rolls Friday night and have had them for breakfast the last two days.

          1. DocChaos

            I like sugar, but all things in moderation. It's hard, but I try and keep it to one doughnut at breakfast , one candy bar during the day and one bowl of ice cream at night.

          2. Vecchiojohn

            I find I can get all the sugar I need from half a pint of Old Forester. (It's not just for breakfast anymore.)

    1. redarmybarbie

      Well Barb, seeing as I live in the California Bay Area, I could nab some killer Indian food if you like!

  4. Arken

    To be fair, Mexican music really is terrible. Especially that slow polka with a balladeer singing over it shit. Ugh.

    1. TribecaMike

      Accordian great Flaco Jiménez just filed a complaint with your internet provider.

      1. Arken

        Yes. That's how it works. Because X music is bad, Y music must be good. That's so logical.

          1. sewollef

            Are you absolutely certain Arken is an 'amigo', and not an 'amiga' ?

            I'd hate for you to get the genders wrong when the sweet, sweet La Llorona is paying a visit.

    1. __kth__

      Actually that would be a good Stephen King story: you're this celebrity recluse, and you have a doppelganger who is a borderline white supremacist and who goes around raising lynch mobs.

  5. Serolf_Divad

    In undocumented workers, illegal aliens, wetbacks –whatever you want to call them depending on just how much you hate the little brown-skinned girl who sits next to your daughter in third grade– the GOP has found the perfect foil for their wedge-issue bigotry. It's perfect because every time you confront someone who waxes disgusted that your state's Democratic governor wants to allow the adolescent teenaged children of illegal immigrants to pay in-state tuition rates to go to college, he can reply indignantly: "It's not because they're Mexicans… it's because they're ILLEGAL!"

    It matters little that a child may have been brought to this country when he was six, that he spent the next decade attending the same classes as your son, playing on the same soccer team, taking the same exams, and that against all the odds that were stacked up against him, he's managed to attain admission to an institute of higher learning. It matters little that for all practical purposes the kid is as American as any other kid in his school. It matters little that he will almost certainly spend the rest of his life in this country because, as a mamber of a group numbering in the tens of millions, it is simply unthinkable that he, along with the rest of his community will be forcibly deported. It is far better that he be denied the sort of education that would allow him to become a contributing member of our society, and shoiuld instead be condemned to subsiting on menial labor and whatever benefits he can claim for his eventual American born children.

    Some things never change, and GOP bigotry and racism, a well as a mainstream media that's too cowed to call it out, is among them.

    1. b[redact]opple

      Indeed.

      Also, it's much better when the Mexican kid is on the same soccer team as your kid. When they're on the other team, your kids will go home crying every Saturday. Not to generalize or anything.

  6. __kth__

    Hmm. Wikipedia sez King attended Northwest Missouri State University, but didn't graduate. Memo to US News: when it's time to do the college rankings again, don't sleep on NWMSU (?). The coursework is so rigorous there that even Steve King couldn't hack it. Of course that was 40 years ago, it's possible they've watered down the curriculum somewhat since then.

    1. Rotundo_

      It looks like he majored in draft deferrment, like most of the republican cohort of a certain age. He couldn't put together a major in wildlife management? Probably had problems with the biology courses like Rick Perry did back when he was an Aggie. Learnins is hard.

    2. flamingpdog

      Hey, give Steve King a break – Thomas Jefferson attended the College of William and Mary, but he didn't graduate, either!

      Of course, Steve King didn't start his own university or write any new-nation-declaration documents. I kind of doubt he has ever conducted any scientific research, or compiled his own version of the Bible (although I'm sure the Bible version he supports is one that no one has ever actually written) …

  7. freakishlywrong

    My "Summer of Hate" prediction wrote itself. We've pivoted from geys to school teachers and garbage collectors back on to Messicuns. Wingnuts are nothing if not predictable.

    1. tessiee

      *glancing at calendar*
      So, does this mean that next week, the gheys come up in the rotation as the designated scapegoat?
      And if I actually mark it on the calendar, is that The Ghey Agenda?

          1. Dashboard Buddha

            I celebrated so much when I was in high school that I've got the celebratory stuff covered from now until the heat death of the universe.

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          I would love to be put in charge of the directions of hurricanes. Got a few states in mind for targets, I could make sure they'd not hit Richmond, and I'd feel like Storm from the X-men (who was one of my favorites).

    2. Texan_Bulldog

      Don't forget the wimmen folk. Damn them for not being barefoot & pregnant in the kitchen 365 days a year!!! Shakes fist….

    3. LetUsBray

      I don't see the Nears being left out of things forever, especially now that the one who precipitated so much unrest by having the bad manners to get the shit beat out of him by LA's Finest on camera just shuffled off this mortal coil.

      The wild card, of course, is The Joo.

    4. Negropolis

      They can't seem to go half-a-year before they make it back to the blahs, and, well, February was Black History Month, so we're coming up on the blahs, again.

  8. not that Radio

    Fuck these anti-humanist assholes. Fuck Steve King with Neil Munro's rusty typewriter. These Republicans are not refusing to accept it. They are maliciously stating what they know to be false, because they are sociopathic misanthropic opportunists, for whom cruelty is a hobby. Fuck it. I'm going to the lake.

    From those with so much
    And no show of heart
    You'd think it'd be crazy
    To ask for a small part

    Calexico, Across the Wire

  9. Dashboard Buddha

    Meanwhile…in another campaign

    Rmoney: The president is just pandering to the Hispanic vote. He's playing politics!

    Questioner: So, you'll be repealing his order when you become president.

    Rmoney: Well, of course, I will…errrr. Rebuild America! That's what I'll do!

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I think we use the word "deep", for some reason.
        As in, "You're really in deep mitt now."

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        He probably thinks that if he had said that he would repeal it, it would cost him Latino votes (not that the GOP is gonna get 'em anyway, but whatever).
        If he said he wouldn't, he probably thinks that would mean he'd lose the votes of the GOP base.
        If he actually comes out against (or for) it between now & the day of the election, I'd be surprised. He's tryin' to get elected Prez, after all.
        But I'm in agreement with you. If he got elected, repealing it would be one of the the first things he'd do. I just think he's going to keep his mouth shut about it until after the election.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        I'm surprised they didn't try to spin it as, “hey, we're color blind…all we can see is your votes!”—

  10. CountryClubJihadi

    Great, now I can't get the Frito Bandito song and the image of my parents having sex out of my head.

    1. flamingpdog

      Could be worse – you could be having the image of your parents in a three-way with the Frito Bandito.

    1. tessiee

      Oh, would I love to be a fly on the wall when someone asks Romney, possibly in the context of Mexican immigrants, if he himself isn't half-mexican, and such — if for no other reason than to watch him squirm like someone just stuck their pinky up his ass (although, frankly, I'm not sure he has an opening down there, but anyway).

  11. chascates

    Wikipedia: "Anchor baby" is a pejorative term for a child born in the United States to immigrant parents, who, as an American citizen, supposedly can later facilitate immigration for relatives.
    Jus soli (Latin: right of the soil), is a right by which nationality or citizenship can be recognized to any individual born in the territory of the related state.
    States that observe jus soli include:

    Antigua and Barbuda[9]
    Argentina Argentina[9]
    Barbados Barbados[9]
    Belize[9]
    Bolivia[9]
    Brazil Brazil[9]
    Cambodia[9]
    Canada Canada[9][11]
    Chile[12] (children of transient foreigners or of foreign diplomats on assignment in Chile only upon request)
    Colombia[9]
    Costa Rica[9][13] (Children born to non-Costa Rican citizens obtain citizenship if registered as a Costa Rican by the will of either parent during minority or by his own will up to the age of twenty-five)
    Dominica[9]
    Ecuador[9]
    El Salvador[9]
    Fiji[14]
    Grenada[9]
    Guatemala[9]
    Guyana[9]
    Honduras[9]
    Jamaica[9]
    Lesotho[15]
    Mexico[9]
    Nicaragua[9]
    Pakistan[9][16]
    Panama[9]
    Paraguay Paraguay[9]
    Peru[9]
    Saint Kitts and Nevis[9]
    Saint Lucia[9]
    Saint Vincent and the Grenadines[9]
    Trinidad and Tobago Trinidad and Tobago[9]
    Tuvalu[17]
    United StatesUnited States[9]
    Uruguay[9]
    Venezuela[9]

    1. flamingpdog

      Interesting – looks like it's a mostly Western Hemisphere thingie, unles the Wiki article author got bored after looking up all those countries.

      1. MittBorg

        Due to the way kinship groups function in most of the Eastern hemisphere, yes. In the Eastern hemishphere, by and large, citizenship is by jus sanguinis, or "right of blood." Thus, if one or both of your parents are citizens of, say, China, or Japan, you are automatically a citizen.

    2. JustPixelz

      Oops. According to Orly Taitz and the birthers, the United States of America is actually not a jus soli country. Your father has to be born here for it to count. A DNA test may be required.

      And according to the Tea Party wingtards, the 14th Amendment — which was adopted to overrule the Supreme Court's remarkable Dred Scott decision — should be repealed.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I'm pretty sure Hawaii is not part of Real America™ anyhow, so it's a moot point. And see below.

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    "Give me your tired, your poor,
    Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
    The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
    Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
    I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

    1. So Tired

      Dont't give me your tired, your poor,
      Your huddled masses that you were yearing to be free of,
      The wretched refuse of our your teeming shore.
      Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
      And I will put a boot in their ass kicking them out the golden door!

      USA! USA!

    2. not that Radio

      Give me your hungry, your tired your poor I'll piss on 'em
      that's what the Statue of Bigotry says
      Your poor huddled masses, let's club 'em to death
      and get it over with and just dump 'em on the boulevard

      -Lou Reed, Dirty Boulevard

      1. flamingpdog

        Thanks, I haven't heard that song in a while. I love the top comment at the YouTube video: "Dirty Boulevard is now Disney Boulevard. No more whores asking cops if they want a suck. Just lame-ass tourists looking to pay $400 to see the Lion King. A lot's happened in New York since this song came out."

    3. Dashboard Buddha

      We use to be a mighty fine country
      Everyone knows that it's true
      But in stead of a light
      To lead people from blight
      Our national motto's FUCK YOU

    4. Negropolis

      How long before the Republican House votes on returning the Statue of Liberty to France?

    5. DeathOfIrony

      lift my lamp beside the golden door sounds kinda sexy, as long as the statue of liberty mows her lawn michigan style I'm in

  13. Vecchiojohn

    " . . .
    Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
    I lift my rifle beside the razor wire barrier!"

      1. redarmybarbie

        MittBorg,
        Maybe once the wingnut trash is gone I can smuggle you back in!
        (Apache FTW)

        1. MittBorg

          I'll totally be your bestie, mah brother/sister. I could pass for one of you too, or so I keep getting told by all the nice First Nations people I meet.

    1. TribecaMike

      My ancient ancestors missed crossing the receding Bering Strait by only twenty minutes. True story.

  14. Joshua Norton

    Ever notice how everything conservatives touch turns to a combination Lawrence Welk and Klan rally?

    Even if you blew them back to the stone age you'd only set them back about 6 months.

    1. tessiee

      "a combination Lawrence Welk and Klan rally?"

      YES!
      Something something something banality of evil.
      I might, just possibly, be able to forgive them being so soul-shrivelingly evil if they were at least the *cool* kind of evil (I mean, come on, those black SS uniforms designed by Hugo Boss?), but they completely blow it by being evil and simultaneously LAME.

      1. MittBorg

        I think it's because — speaking of the banality of evil — one must be a small and shriveled creature in mind and psyche to be so petty, mean, and spiteful. They know nothing about the objects of their hate. They hate because they are too lazy and small of soul to find out more about others, or to try to understand. That's what makes them lame. They're too shriveled internally to be capable of a grand gesture or style. Art/Style/coolth requires a certain level of trust in one's own coolth and a willingness to risk grand gestures. They're too small for that.

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Evil and stupid is a dangerous combination in humans — especially when somebody evil and smart comes along to herd them.

    2. glamourdammerung

      Even if you blew them back to the stone age you'd only set them back about 6 months.

      Not that it should stop us from Civil War 2: This Time We Give You Something To Cry About.

      1. vtxmcrider

        The first war was a mistake. We should have let them go when we had the chance. We must not make the same mistake twice.

  15. TribecaMike

    Was it really just a coincidence that bin-Laden was offed the day before he was going to announce that he was renaming al-Qaeda to el-Mariachi?

    De ninguna manera, Jose!

        1. extreme_left

          .. it's all there on a platter at Gitmo… that is Guacamole Bay Naval base..hmmm.. I'd wear orange for that.

  16. friendlyskies

    Heh – Obama wants to (1) profit as a nation from 11+ yrs of school and other infrastructure expenses per migrant, and (2) ensure ALL our best and brightest can contribute, without the artificial handicap of dodging big-government law enforcement. Which makes him…. a communist? A Muslim? Hitler?

    I'll go with "practical." If it's not pandering, though, I'll eat my Obama 2012 rainbow-flag hoodie. This election season is looking a lot like Pastafarian Xmas for disgruntled liberals. If he can throw in a little legal weed, a lockbox on social security, and some high profile support of Labor…..

    1. starfanglednut

      It makes sense for him to finally play to his base, the people who actually got him elected. Now we just have to hope that the conservatives who hate Romney for being a RINO are too disgusted/lazy to get off the couch on election day.

    2. Negropolis

      'Bout time he started pandering to his base after a few years of pandering to the non-existent "indpependent" voter.

      1. redarmybarbie

        Rahm Emanuel, you can suck my gay, liberal ass*!

        *I would like to apologize for that disturbing visual; rest assured it is reserved only for those who truly deserve it.

  17. smashedinhat

    Well, since I've lost access to (deep?) fried Twinkies ®™ I have dropped 6 kg (13.2 lbs) so it's all good. My feet are bloody from walking on the beach of shattered economies though, so, bummer.

  18. Callyson

    More fun facts about this jerk from Wikipedia:

    In April 2006, conservative members of Congress proposed strengthening law enforcement against illegal immigration to the United States. When asked if "the US economy simply couldn't function without" the presence of illegal immigrants, King said that he rejected that position "categorically". He said "they", referring to the 77.5 million people between the ages of sixteen and sixty-five in the United States who are not part of the workforce, "could be put to work and we could invent machines to replace the rest."

    How about we just invent a machine to replace Steve King?

    1. Rotundo_

      Too late, we already have TrukNutz; all balls no brains, and that sums the entire existence of Representative King.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "How about we just invent a machine to replace Steve King? "

      Even if you managed to build a shit-spewing machine that pandered to racist nutbags while being wrong about absolutely everything, you wouldn't be able to get a patent on it. Patent law requires inventions to have to have utility.

  19. Antispandex

    One of my grandfathers was from Wales, but I'm counting on my friends here at the old Wonkette comment line to keep that one a secret. This could just be their shot at sending ol' Antispandex back to the mother country…that I have never been to…and don't know anything about. I heard it's cold there. If word gets out, I'm fucked. Hey, it's not paranoia if they really DO want to deport you!

    Edit: I have one last question. When I served in the U.S. Navy, was that treasonous toward my potential new country, Wales? I think I need a lawyer.

    1. TribecaMike

      Either a lawyer or some freshly baked bara brith. Trust me, baked bara brith is a lot cheaper.

    2. not that Radio

      Reminds me of a joke:

      Guy at a bar, overhears two ladies talking and notices their accents

      Guy: Excuse me, are you two ladies from Scotland?

      Ladies: NO, WALES!

      Guy: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two *whales* from Scotland?

      1. TribecaMike

        My late uncle Dick, who was a well-known Massachusetts artist himself, knew Rockwell and often told me that he was a New Dealer, and a decent cat.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          In other words, a "socialist". Don't tell the teabaggers, or they'll put him right up there with Diego Rivera.

          1. TribecaMike

            What can I say about a guy who was married to Frida Kahlo not once but twice, besides "You lucky fat bastard!"

      2. flamingpdog

        I don't know what religion Norman Rockwell adhered to, if any, but he must have liked the Catholics since he painted one especially for Catholic priests.

        And for that one, I'll see you in Hell, Biel.

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          For that one alone, Republicans of today would have accused of him of making kiddie porn.

          1. flamingpdog

            You betcha. That comment was for all the Wonketeers who might have thought the "flaming" in "flamingpdog" was a reference to teh gheys.

  20. tessiee

    "Do you know how much effort it takes as a ghost sperm to convince your mom to fuck your dad? A. LOT. Don’t tell us we didn’t earn our keep."

    Because today is Father's Day, I will refrain from brutally murdering anyone who makes me think about my parents fucking.

    Now let us never speak of it again.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I agree, that's gross! Besides, my mom told me babies are made from hugging. And once my older brother told me that he found me under a rock on the way home from school, so that whole "fucking" thing (whatever it is) probably never happened.

    2. Antispandex

      Jeeze, don't be silly! No ones parents actually "did it". That's what you call one of those urban myths. Most people came into being as a result of what my mom called "an accident", I think. Or, from fucking a pizza delivery guy, if my study of american porn is any hint. Then again, my wife and I had a lot of sex, and got three kids from the experiment…I know, I thought we should be fucking alot more, but she was like all, " I'm tired of chasing kids around"! So I said, "hey, we could try that new fangled birth control everybody is always talking about", and she was like, "yeah, like that's legal"…we finally figured out how not to get turned into the vagina police though …thank god.

  21. BlueStateLibel

    Happy Father's Day, Wonkette dudes. Right now I'm arguing with the old man about his Father's Day outfit, sigh.

  22. rickmaci

    "The Fifth District ranks first in the nation for hogs and pigs…" From the bio in King's Congressional web site.

    I always wondered exactly where this swinetard found a constituency.

    1. Designer_Radio

      In Iowa, we got downsized a district after the census. So now he's running for reelection against Christie Vilsack (the Secy of Ag's wife, Democrat). I live in what has become the 4th district, which is the district he's now running for. I don't really expect Christie to win, although I hope she does. King is not a covert racist, homophobe, and white nationalist. He is very overt, at least in my eyes.

    1. MittBorg

      My dad's gone, and I got no spawn, but on his special day, I would never let my Dad do the work. God knows he worked every day of his life for his children. He loved us so fucking much. I miss my Dad.

      1. UW8316154

        I know, right? My mom was terrific, too. I wasn't born rich and didn't get a big inheritance, but I totally won the great parent lottery. I almost don't like to tell people, it feels like I'm bragging or something.

        The flip side is, of course, a poorly developed ability for sarcasm and snark.

        1. MittBorg

          No, you *should* tell people. It gives me great hope when I hear that someone out there had wonderful parents. Sure, it gives me a big sharp pain in the heart, too, but I know that's just a pang of envy, and it will pass. Hearing about your wonderful parents means it *can* make a difference, if you raise your child with love and kindness and respect. (Hugs you) It sounds as if they're gone, and I'm sure you miss them, but thanks for sharing them with me.

  23. ttommyunger

    King's stock will remain steady among the idiotic and fearful classes. He is the Glenn Beck of Congress.

    1. LetUsBray

      I'm not sure about that definite article. Seems like there's hundreds of Glenn Blecks in congress.

  24. Texan_Bulldog

    One of my right wing FB friends posted a picture of soldiers that said basically "thanks Obama for giving our jobs (when they get out of the Army ) to illegals.' I didn't know white soldiers were so eager to pick vegetables in the fields or work in the bowels of restaurant hell.

    1. TribecaMike

      The dumber and dumbering down of Amercia. And that's not even smart enough to be dumb. That's just delusional.

    2. Texan_Bulldog

      Here is what it says in its entirety. If you're on FB, I'm sure you'll see it eventually:

      "We want to thank President Obama for giving the jobs we're going to need to illegals to buy the Hispanic vote for his re-election. Nothing comes without a price and once again, we the military will be paying it!" Sponsored by Christians Against Illegal Immigration.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        Christians Against Illegal Immigration = one person who has a facebook account.

        And, because I apparently have masochist tendencies, I actually looked it up on facebook. Chocked full of the dumbest shit you'll ever read in your life.

          1. Butch_Wagstaff

            The profile pic was Charlton Heston as Moses. When I saw that I should have known not to scroll down.

      2. glamourdammerung

        Sponsored by Christians Against Illegal Immigration.

        I thought Christianity prohibited telling lies?

    3. MittBorg

      Just ask Alabama and Georgia, didn't they lose BILLIONS of dollars after their lovely immigration crackdown? To the farmers' great surprise, not a single unemployed white person turned up to break their back in the hot sun. These people are shooting their own feet off, I swear.

      1. Geminisunmars

        Now if we could just get them to Glock their dicks off, maybe this could be resolved in a generation or so.

          1. MittBorg

            Highly. A very nice lesbian lent it to me back when it was enjoying some kind of vogue in the local dyke community. I was impressed by the quality of the writing, and by the writer's handling of plot. I think you might enjoy it, but feel free to tell me if you think it sucks.

    4. scvirginia

      RW Facebook person may not realize this, but many of those soldiers aren't white and some aren't US citizens, either.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        I know. I was in the Army for 4 years & (in my unofficial opinion) whites were the minority. Lots of blacks & browns. But, hey, that organization still managed to find a picture with nothing but white soldiers!

        1. scvirginia

          I guess that shows initiative, or something (finding or faking an all-Aryan army photo).

          That's the military the wingtards want us to have in mind when they yammer on about supporting the troops, although they probably still wouldn't join or encourage their kids to serve, even if only Pat Boone lookalikes were allowed in.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        Growing up in OK & living in TX, if I deleted all my right wing 'friends', I'd only have about 8 friends. Most of them are okay in other ways & manage to keep their shit to themselves, but there are always those few who can't control their irrational hatred of Barry. I just ignore…

        1. DemmeFatale

          Yep, it's much easier for me up here in Norcal.
          When I was working on a Dem's State Senate campaign here, her brother from Texas came out here to help. He couldn't get over what he called CA's "freedom of speech," as every Dem yard-sign he had in Texas was taken as soon as he put them up.

          1. Texan_Bulldog

            Yeah, I won't even put a political bumper sticker on my car…since I happen to like my paint job unkeyed.

            My few Democratic friends brave enough to put out yard signs bring them in every night or they'll be gone in the mornings. (Or really *nice* things that are usually anatomically impossible will be written on them with a Sharpie.)

      2. glamourdammerung

        I have no problem with most people's opinions until they start getting into "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" type stupidity (which gets rid of quite a few Republicans right there. However, I have very low tolerance for people that insist feelings and anecdotes somehow matter more than facts. And that wipes out the remaining Republicans. I refuse to associate with liars on general principle.

  25. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm not sure I'm really a citizen considering my dad is one of those gross foreigners and, although I was born in US America, my parents actually fucked in this whole other country in order to conceive me. And now I am here taking one of your jobs. Suck on that Steve King!

    1. TribecaMike

      All four of my grandparents came here "illegally" from the slums of Montreal. Though they're all long gone, if he were to learn of this King would doubt call for their immediate posthumous deportation.

  26. Slim_Pickins

    Perhaps you should just declare King the winner of the first annual "Wonkette Man without a Country" contest and be done with it.

  27. GeneralLerong

    Forget about the Mexicans, deport the .1% for sedition and nationalize their property. I like that idea. Good thing you stashed all that loot in the Caymans, eh, bitches?

  28. mwittier

    "Do you know how much effort it takes as a ghost sperm to convince your mom to fuck your dad? A. LOT. Don’t tell us we didn’t earn our keep."

    Sometimes our dads had to be convinced to fuck our moms.
    SEXISTISM!

  29. MosesInvests

    What is Steve King's position on the thousands of undocumented immigrants from Ireland?

    1. TribecaMike

      King responds: "The Black & Tans were just following orders, as were the Provo IRA. Terrorism is relative."

    2. glamourdammerung

      Wrong King. You are thinking of Peter King (R-IRA) who went so far as to advocate bail for not only an illegal Irish immigrant, but one that was a prison escapee for terrorism.

      1. MosesInvests

        True-I forgot that *Steve* King is the one from Iowastan. But the point is still valid-what's his position on illegal Irish immigrants? Oh, right, they're *white*.

  30. Goonemeritus

    I’m proud to be an Anchor baby and I hope to grow up to and become a candidate for the POTUS just like Mitt Romney has.

    1. TribecaMike

      My advice is don't grow up too much. If you're a guy, you won't grow up much anyway, so don't sweat it.

      Sincerely, The Lost Dutchman

  31. Steverino247

    The people who really do lose their jobs to immigrants (construction workers, for example) are upset with the immigrants instead of the people hiring the immigrants instead of them. If they'd stop voting for Republicans and insist that those who hire immigrants be appropriately penalized, this shit wouldn't happen. The problem is this has been going on so long, it's not going to change now.

    Plus, true local story from just yesterday: Woman, 21, hits man on motorcycle. Woman is not legally in the United States, but has been here since she was very young. No license or insurance. A homeless guy puts a tourniquet on the motorcycle rider who has compound fracture of his femur (thigh bone). Once he does this, he tells the rider he can't stay any longer because he has a warrant out for his arrest. This shit happens every day in this country and it irritates the shit out of people. It accumulates and gets exploited by the political right. This shit needs to stop, but it won't. The Right, because they're making money off this woman and her family (Low wages and no benefits) and get the added political capital when yet another incident occurs. The Left, because they will say if she could stay, she would have gotten her license and some driver training and the political benefit of saying nice things to those relatives legally in the country who want their family and friends to legally be here. Oh, and guess who pays for the medical bill? Yup, me and every other insured motor vehicle operator in my zip code.

    1. TribecaMike

      Shades of the '70s and '80s, when lumber industry workers were pitted against environmentalists, while behind the scenes the bosses were planning to move their operations overseas, which they proceeded to do in the sacred name of shareholder profit. It made for sensational headlines and political polemics, none of it having anything to do with reality.

      But what the hay, somebody made a buck.

    2. glamourdammerung

      The people who really do lose their jobs to immigrants (construction workers, for example) are upset with the immigrants instead of the people hiring the immigrants instead of them. If they'd stop voting for Republicans and insist that those who hire immigrants be appropriately penalized, this shit wouldn't happen. The problem is this has been going on so long, it's not going to change now.

      And that is the exact problem. When the Republicans went so far that suggesting that corporations follow the law or face penalties became "socialism", there is simply no way to have any sort of rational dialogue on issues.

      1. Steverino247

        Your insurance company won't pay if you can't ID the other car or prove the unlicensed driver stuff. They will think you're just trying to get out of paying the deductible for something you did yourself. Insurance fraud is as big a problem as uninsured motorists, it seems.

  32. BarackMyWorld

    How often do children apply to keep their immigrant parents in the country, exactly? Does INS have numbers on this?

  33. TribecaMike

    Later tonight, Fox News is proudly presenting a Donald Trump Special Report, "The Lower Working Class — Why Aren't They As Rich As Me, Those Neanderthal Losers?"

    (Available only on cathode ray televisions, because color tv is immoral.)

  34. fuflans

    fuck steve king.

    also: many happy father's days to you wonetteria with the Y chromosome and the kids. you do important work keeping us left leaning.

  35. TribecaMike

    Mexican-Americans — Can't live with 'em, can't live witho…. shit, Rep. King, your opinion doesn't matter a wit since they've lived here a hell of a lot longer than you have. Actually, the odds are overwhelming that you share the same genes; ergo, you are them. Viva la raza, hermano!

    Send in the next racist theory to debunk. It's like shooting patos in a row.

    (Sorry about all the rewrites. I ain't drunk, I'm just drinkin'.)

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Pfft. DNA testing. That's science & stuff.
      These assholes think human beings came about when God sneezed on a pile of dirt.

      1. TribecaMike

        Works for me, Butch. If I were a total idiot, I'd say Pfftology should be taught in public schools alongside of creatureism, exovisectionism, vibraphonologism, jizzumism, backasswardism, vacuum suctionism, Triple A ballism, and the latest scientific breakthroughs in Michigan vaginaism. That'll show those liberals not to mess with bible-based Bachmannism!

  36. Chow Yun Flat

    I was on the phone with a good friend who lives in Phoenix–long story as to why she moved there and she won't be an Arizona resident much longer–when she saw a story on a newsfeed that said (her paraphrase) "That cocksucker Arpio just arrested a six year old." She hates Sheriff Joe more than she hates Jews for Jesus, which is a lot.

    Read about it on here.

    1. Chow Yun Flat

      Damn–this birther shit has become so much a part of general political discourse that mainstream media refers to "Ramona attorney Gary Kreep, a birther," without the need to explain or qualify it.

      Strange stuff.

  37. Barb

    I'm between the poles and the equator
    Don't send no private investigator to find me please
    'Less he speaks Chinese
    And can dance like Astaire overseas
    OK
    ~Michael Penn

    Vacation time, be back soon. Ya'll behave.

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