no

OMG, Michigan, Can You Stop Being Awful For Like Five Seconds?

Between the gay-hating paranoid that is the mayor of Troy, the vagina-hating legislature banning the word vagina (but not cunt), and this guy, Michigan has very clearly spent this past week trying to make Mississippi look tolerant and Arizona look progressive.

The Great Lakes State isn’t even done yet because this is happening:

Tensions flared Friday evening at the annual Arab International Festival in Dearborn as members of a Christian missionary group taunted Arab-Americans with a pig’s head and signs that promoted hatred of Islam.

“You’re gonna burn in hell,” one Christian missionary shouted at a group of young Arab-American boys listening to him speak on Warren Avenue, where the festival takes place. The festival continues today in Dearborn, but the group of missionaries with the hateful signs and pig’s head won’t be there because they’ll be protesting a gay festival in Ohio, said Arab Festival organizers.

For what it’s worth the Arab Festival is a standard middle America street carnival with a couple rides, moderately rigged midway games, and fried dough sold in units of tickets that (for no good reason) must be purchased at a different stand. Since it’s an Arab festival, it does attract local Arab Muslims. It’s also attended by metro Detroit’s Christian Arab population who, like their Muslim brethren and every other decent human being on the planet, probably don’t want their summer family carnival marred by assholes playing Lord of the Flies.

This thing is so Americana that last year the CIA set up a recruiting booth. You know, because our national security apparatus might better protect us if people working for them speak the language and understand the culture of people who are our enemies.

How can we as a nation convince a (largely immigrant) ethnic population that America is their friend and they should help the government hunt down and kill the same Medieval fundamentalists that motivated many Arabs to immigrate here in the first place? Oh, here’s an idea: Let’s have some  homegrown real ‘Merican Medieval fundamentalists ruin a perfectly innocent, Mayberry-like street carnival.

Go Michigan! [Detroit Free Press]

About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

View all articles by Jeff Wattrick
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447 comments

        1. MittBorg

          Something Christians seem to forget with ease. I got sent to detention for pointing this out in Catechism class as a yoof. What's to detain? Jesus was a fuxcking Jew for fuck's sake, that's a FACT, not something you can punish out of children.

          1. tessiee

            I swear I am not making this up…
            I wish I *were* making it up…
            One of my Sunday school classmates raised this issue in class. She asked Sister if it was true that, as she heard, Jesus was Jewish.
            This resulted in an intake of breath and dead silence throughout the class, as if she had asked whether it was true that Jesus was an axe murderer.
            Sister's response was, "Yessss… that's true, Lisa, Jesus was Jewish; but then he became a Catholic after the other Jews killed him".

          2. MittBorg

            The nuns told us the Jews killed Christ. Years later, I heard Lenny Bruce's famous line about WHY the Jews killed Christ, and I laughed myself sick.

          3. MittBorg

            Because he didn't want to be a doctor.

            Makes sense to me. Which would you rather have — my son the meshugge or my son the doctor?

          4. Dashboard_Jesus

            y'know after my many years of lurking on Wonkette I never realized you were a Vaginal-Merkan till Mittborg pointed it out…funny how I miss some of the most obvious stuff!

            ps-I'm a Gemini too but WTF does the 'sun mars' mean?

          5. Geminisunmars

            The Sun and Mars were both in Gemini when I was born. Just something I thought I'd remember for a user name.

    1. Edith_Prickly

      Actually, I think the reason Jesus has not yet returned as promised is that he doesn't want to get within a million miles of these reichtards.

    2. opchahar

      Is it any wonder most really good jobs have left?
      Along with the people qualified to do them?
      If this keeps up, the place will be like that old Bob Dylan song, "Anyone with any sense had already left town."

  1. Barb

    They need to return the pig's head back to the studio or Bristol won't have a stand-in for her new show on Tuesday. Takes forever to block the shots when your chin is so big.

  2. Reginald_Perrin

    “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
    Mahatma Gandhi

      1. SudsMcKenzie

        I was picturing a giant vagina made of roses and hummus covered in a Joseph and the amazing technicolored dreamcoat burka blaring Xenas "alalalalalala'.

      2. jqheywood

        Oh man, I saw her with Pink Martini at the Kennedy Center a while back. She was filling in for their female lead singer who was out with vocal cord problems. She has serious pipes! And she came out in a slinky Hollywood starlet gown that, well, just . . . wow . . .

          1. redarmybarbie

            Hey,
            do you think straight folk make the same exceptions as us gay folk do? Just wondering.

          2. MittBorg

            I think most people live in between "gay" and "straight," and then there's the outliers on each end. When we all stop being so fucking uptight about this shit, we'll finally admit that a lot of us guys might have sucked a cock and a lot of us girls might have licked a pussy. And a lot of us might not even be "guys" or "girls" so clearly.

          1. SudsMcKenzie

            so do I pick up my prize in Oslo, or the Hague?

            I just miss football Chet ….

            American concussion stuff, not that commie crap

      1. SudsMcKenzie

        Ahhh, Vern Troyer in a canoe and the effigy of ghost Breitbart and Mike Myers yelling "BEHAVE", .. gayly.

        I've been to too many gay pride parades to think this couldn't happen.

  3. BarackMyWorld

    Oh, someone just make the upper peninsula a separate state for the crazy people already.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Noooooooooooo, I live in the UP. We have enough crazy people already, thank you.

      1. Negropolis

        You know, I wish that the Lower Peninsula was more like the UP, these days. The Republicans down here are basically moving closer and closer to the Republican Party, while Yoopers of all political varieties are basically the same as they ever were. Yeah, you guys got your own problems and quirks, but their endearing. The creeps, down here, are just getting more vile and wish to turn Michigan into Georgia or some shit. No state pride, whatsoever.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Only because the real crazies there have been bunkered down and cut off from society for years now.

    2. hippie13

      If that worked there would be the Christian state of Kansas and 49 happy and productive states.

      1. bobbert

        Oh, that's just wonderful. He could fit the whole crowd on the bus (well, a few might have to ride on the roof).

        1. Barb

          Hey Bobbert! Bill Maher said last night:
          The difference between a Mitt Romney bus and a Mitt Romney car? The bus has a greyhound ON THE SIDE.

      2. bumfug

        Yeah, I saw that. Great strategy, dipshit – hold your rallies at an undisclosed location.

      3. ibwilliamsi

        So, he sends campaign workers to heckle David Axelrod, but when he hears that a group of REAL VOTERS might show up and disrupt his speech he chooses "run away"? Can you imagine the kerfuffle at a State of the Union Address? He'd have to hold it at the IHOP parking lot in Rockville, just to be safe.

    1. MittBorg

      Jesus Christ, pdog. You sound way too happy that Chester shot his dick off. Cause you know, a Glock, taking a big bullet right that "through and through" the peepee means only one thing: Mrs. Chester's gonna need to buy an extender.

    2. TribecaMike

      Equally OT, but the "Cop dies during 3-way sex; widow wins $3M lawsuit" looks worth a click.

        1. James Michael Curley

          The cop was 31 and had severe atheroschlerotic coronary artery disease. Too many doughnuts, way too many.

        2. not that Radio

          The jury found that the doctor was 60% liable for his death, for not specifically warning the guy not to engage in threeways in airport motel rooms. That which is not forbidden is allowed.

          1. MittBorg

            Well, to be fair, it was "engage in any form of strenuous exercise," which CAN include threeways in airport motel rooms with a woman not your wife. Although, if you go about it right, sex with your lawfully wedded mate or partner can be pretty damn strenuous and acrobatic. Man had no imagination and the dining habits of a pig. I feel sorry for the doctor.

          2. not that Radio

            I'm not here to be fair. I'm here to engage in polemic about Republicans and fools. Now, kindly step aside while I overstate my case…

    3. BerkeleyBear

      That is horrifying, but somehow the lede is still buried. WTF is an HVAC tech doing packing a Glock on the job, let alone packing it in the front of his pants? I'm guessing this guy is just a gem in oh so many ways.

      1. MittBorg

        He had just started the job when he shot his dick off. First day.

        The RWNJs are gonna be SO torn on this one. Defend him because Second Amendment? Or mock him for being a unionized worker trying to get on disability?

    4. Chow Yun Flat

      One of the many odd aspects of this story is that the 300 block of Wimbleton in Birmingham must be one of the safest places in Michigan–the only real danger there is being run over by soccer moms driving two ton SUVs while talking on the phone and telling little junior in the back seat to shut up.

    5. Negropolis

      This guy was just won an honorable mention in the Darwin Awards ceremony. Serves him right. If this guy would have showed up at my house, I'd have called the company and told them to send out another tech, and if it took another day, so be it.

    6. Buckminster

      Thank heavens he didn't hit the femoral artery. I just hope he hasn't procreated already, as he should definitely be the end of the family line.

        1. Geminisunmars

          Wrecked 'em? Hell, it killed 'em. (old joke department of non-sequitarial punch-lines.)

    7. BlueJoubert

      THAT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD TODAY. Sorry for screaming, but that is too hilarious. Now if all the other pistol totin' will make the same mistake ….. Thin the herd.

  4. StealthMuslin

    Oh for gosh sakes, Michigan! Women! Gays! Arabs! Pick one and hate! Focus, dammit!

          1. Barb

            I have to do it in a lower and sexy voice over the phone for him to answer me.
            MittBorg, what are you wearing?

          2. MittBorg

            Nah, I'm always happy to answer YOU, baby. Unlike SOME prairie rodents around here who might be looking at my shoulder blades ONLY to find a soft spot to plant the knife. (sob!)

        1. MittBorg

          Underroos. It's sticky-hot here, and I'm kinda exhausted from weeding. Inspections start today, and I can hear my neighbours going nuts with their tree-trimmers. Haha, ya lazy slackers!

          1. Barb

            I'm going to put on my Underrroos after I take my shower.
            Did you get everything cleaned up outside?
            Something at my morning glories and I am annoyed..

          2. MittBorg

            I took a last look around, and it looks pretty good, I think. I hope to god it's over and done with. Yesterday I had to prune the bougainvillea. Climbing up there with a gimpy leg sucks, and then I have to hold on to a concrete pillar with one hand, my clippers with one hand, the bougainvillea with one hand … you see the problem.

            Today I rest. Did you try making a cage around the morning glories? I am annoyed right along with you. It's very rude to rip out your hostess' morning glories, Small Furry Life! Is something just chewing off leaves, or killing off the whole plant?

            I have tomatoes. A TON of 'em. I'm SO happy!

          3. Barb

            Just the leaves are being chewed off. Oddly enough, they stopped eating the moon flower leaves.

          4. MittBorg

            Interesting. So whatever the problem is, it prefers one plant species to another. If you're positive it's not snails or slugs, try taking a damaged leaf or stalk to your Extension. They should be able to tell you what pests in your location might show a preference for morning glory leaves. Odd, since the leaves of the moonflower (which is related to sweet potato, IIRC) ought to be the preferred edible. I would get some hardware cloth, which is very very fine wire, and plant the plant inside a cage of that, with a mulch of crushed rock or diatomaceous earth. The hardware cloth should eliminate anything too big to crawl through the tiny holes, and the diatomaceous earth (you can purchase it at any gardening supply store or through the InterNetz) should get rid of any soft-bodied bugs pronto. I believe the top national (maybe even international) expert on nonpoisonous bug control, or IPC, is right around where you live: Richard Fagerlund, who writes the Ask The Bug Man column, syndicated nationally. So if the problem is not amenable to either of my proposed solutions, perhaps drop him a line? You'll find him here.

          5. Barb

            Thanks, Jeff is going to check this out.

            My tomatoes are looking pretty good. The onions are really starting to sprout up.

          6. MittBorg

            Isn't it wonderful? I love the green growing things. I used to lie on the hill with my hat over my face, just lying back on the good green earth and feeling it under me.

            Madu put a stop to that when he leapt onto my belly as I was snoozing peacefully one day with a struggling mouse in his jaws. The little bastid.

            I wish I could grow onions, but I haven't the knack. I'll keep trying.

          7. MittBorg

            I thought about doing the same, but I'm so exhausted that I haven't yet dragged myself downstairs. I think we're going to make a hot and spicy fish curry with fenugreek and black mustard seeds, lemongrass, coconut milk, eggplant, summer squash, and green curry paste. Serve that over brown rice. Maybe I should put the recipe up over at the blog. We got mango sorbet for dessert, and we're going to watch movies for, like, hours, just because. Watchu doin', beautiful?

          8. Barb

            I'm waiting for the strength to take the dinner dishes down to the kitchen and watching golf.

            I need to start packing for vacation.

          9. MittBorg

            Have a good time, lovebirds! It's great that you have a wonderful husband who adores you and he has a wonderful wife who adores him.

          10. Jeffer

            I can't believe that a slug could make it to the flowers. It has been severely dry and hot. I originally suspected aphids, but I doubt it now. However, a shallow container of beer should solve the slug question. Fortunately, a small quantity of beer is not a problem….

          11. MittBorg

            Aphids don't actually damage leaves, although they can spread diseases when they suck plant juices, and if the plant is not strong enough, it can succumb to the nutrient competition, but you'll notice the leaves yellowing and dropping off, usually at the bud end. They go for the tender young tips. Snails seem to survive our dry season quite well, surprisingly, and it lasts 6 months or more. Beer should drown the buggers. But if it was snails surely they'd attack the tomatoes too. Do you have Japanese beetles in your area? They can skeletonize leaves in no time, but you should be able to see the evidence. They seem to leave the midribs and veins alone.

          12. Barb

            WHERE THE HELL IS MITTBOT? I'm gonna kick his ass.

            You told your friend, Jeff to use beer! That's beer he's using! Couldn't we kill the slugs with beets or radishes or something I hate? NOOOOOO, it has to be beer, thanks!

            LOL, I am going to call you and wake you in the morning if I find any slugs who took a big beer drowning nap. *shiver*

            I plan to take a TV outside and play Bristol's new reality show to chase off any other vermin in the yard. : )

          13. MittBorg

            I'm turning off the phone, lol.

            My friend Jeff, huh? That's new. Can't we go back to "your loving husband Jeff"? Hey, Jeff, your wife's workin' me over in here dood. Some friend, he ran off to play with the slugs and beer.

          14. Barb

            Look at that Morning Glory link I just emailed you. Why do I never see this stuff until it is too late?

          15. Barb

            I went to Amazon to get them. You get 10 seeds for $3.00, fair enough. They charge $8.00 to ship them. It's a small amount and yet, I won't pay $8.00 to ship anything that light.

          16. Lube

            LLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOSSSLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TWOCKUTE!@2`1`111111111LLLLLLLLLLLLLIIJKKEE MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEE!!!!!!!!

          17. MittBorg

            Yes, it IS. One of them is turning quite rosy. There's a Cherokee Purple with bronzy shoulders, and about a pound of San Marzanos for me to make paste with. Soon I should have a few Black Krims ripening up. Oh, yes. A little mozzarella, some crusty peasant bread, good olive oil, fresh basil off the plant, and blessed TOMATOES.

          18. Beowoof

            It is true there are two things you just can't buy: true love and home grown tomatoes.

          19. MittBorg

            I'd share mine with you, if you lived close by. I always end up saving a few for friends, or make sauce that I can give away. It's good to share the bounty of the blessed earth.

          20. Beowoof

            Thank you, I have one Black Crim plant and one cherry tomato, both seem to be doing very well this year and I am looking forward to enjoying them. We are also blessed in upstate NY with lots of family farms where you can find fresh local produce in the summer and fall. I love to patronize those folks who actually grow the stuff and bring into the Rochester Public Market.

          21. flamingpdog

            Awww, Barb, don't do that to me, just as I was about to go off and do something productive ….

          22. bobbert

            I just hauled (what I hope is) my last load of needles and oak leaves off to the compost dump. Our inspections don't start until July 1, so, unusually for me, I'm slightly ahead of the game.[1]

            But I'm already tired of this mutherfucking global warming up here in the mutherfucking foothills.[2]

            [1] Except I still gotta do some trimming

            [2] Actually, 95F isn't that odd for mid-June, but last summer we just had lovely moderate temperatures throughout the whole season, while the rest of the country was in flames, and I got spoiled.[3]

            [3] I have a downstairs where I can retreat for 70F-ish, but I am OUT OF BEER, so I must expose myself to sunlight yet again.[4]

            [4] I do realize what a wimp I must seem to Wonkers who live in places like Tucson and AlbuQQ.[5] I lived in the Bay Area for 37 years because of the fucking Mediterranean climate, okay?

            [5] Also, this is really running on, but I'm having fun with it, so please humor me.

          23. MittBorg

            I used to be able to do all three levels of the hill in one weekend. Now it takes two months.

            [1] It's the Bay Area, you'll be trimming till October.

            [2] It's 95? Jesus! I can't remember when it was 95 here in the summer. Maybe it's actually *fall,* and we forgot the intervening drunktime?

            [3] In order to retreat downstairs, I must first GET downstairs. This house has a million fucking stairs. I'll stay up here till the sweat congeals.

            [4] Yeah, and they probably laugh at us when we refuse to turn on the heat in the winter too. Everybody I know has badly insulated houses and prides themselves on wearing increasing quantities of warm clothing to bed rather than turn on the heat.

            [5] Absolutely, man, I'm a gimp, which means that sometimes I can't get around at all, and then the InterNetz is all I have for entertainment. Consider yourself humoured.

          24. bobbert

            [1] Actually, it's the mid-foothills (Groveland), so I'll be trimming continuously until I die or move. Fucking manzanita. I'd cut it all down, except that it obscures the view of two neighbors (and their view of each other — if I clear-cut it they'd both shoot me). So I'm treating a half acre of manzanita like a flower arrangement.

          25. MittBorg

            I had eucalypts, but I think we got them all. Now I have oaks and pines left. Last winter an oak toppled onto our roof and we had to listen to the creaking all night long as a storm raged and the tree slowly, s-l-o-w-l-y slid off the house.

            Manzanitas sound delightful by comparison. I only have one on my hill, and it's being slowly strangled by a climbing rose. As soon as I can climb down there, I'll prune it back to life. Geez, what am I, nuts, I just got done pruning and hauling for three months straight!

          26. MittBorg

            They're drinky little bastards. They ate the soil dry on the lower hill. I finally got rid of them. Kept the stumps around for native bees to nest in, but I don't think they like it, so those just got the heave-ho.

          27. Geminisunmars

            I was going to ask you what is with the eucalyptus. I was raised in S Cal and there were eu's every where, and now they are talked about like pests. I used to love them. Is it because of being "drinky little bastards"?

          28. MittBorg

            Back about a century ago, some greedy businessmen discovered that eucalypts were very fast-growing trees, so they imported them in large numbers to California on the assumption that they would harvest them and sell them for the wood and, PROFIT!

            Eucalyptus wood is extremely oily, and it burns like a torch. It's not easily worked, and tends to split vertically, so it's pretty useless for making things with. Eucalypts are also known to exude a substance (from their roots, I believe) that kills other plants. Very few plants can survive around a eucalyptus, sollya heterophylla (Australian bluebell) being one of those. Eucalypts also drop limbs when they're stressed. During our dry season, all the undergrowth around eucalypts, which is usually of the weedy variety since nothing else will survive, turns brown and acts as a fire ladder into the tree, and any underlying branches, being full of oil, just fuel the fire.

            Municipal bodies and firefighters have decided that eucalyptus is one of the worst contributors to our fire seasons, so there is an effort to have as many of them taken down as possible. Add to that the fact that they will drink up all available water around them, depriving other trees, and, yeah, they're a pest. Sad, because I love the smell of eucalyptus in the hills.

          29. Geminisunmars

            Please make a list of things that you don't know about. Should be as long as a GOP Peace and Tolerance Festival.You totally amaze me. Thanks for the explanation. The elementary school I went to had eucalyptus ringing the perimeter and I was in love with them. So sad that they proved to be problematic.

          30. MittBorg

            *blush*

            They're not native, and their habit of killing other plants makes them invasive. You'll notice that our eucalypts live in groves that result from the killing-off of neighbouring plants. It is sad. In the summer, we would walk in the hills in a heavenly cloud of eucalyptus scent. But — they're not very good for the native wildlife, either. One oak can support more of a native ecosystem than an entire grove of eucalypts. So farewell to the lovely trees with their ribboned green and red trunks, and their silver scimitars of leaves.

          31. UW8316154

            I had the ol' tractor out, just cold tractoring around mowing my 5 acres, and a couple for my young neighbor, who doesn't have a tractor (yet). It's fun, relaxing, and when you're done, it looks like you've really *accomplished* something.

          32. bobbert

            Oh, you tractorettes. I only have an acre, so a tractor would be a (highly desirable) extravagance.

          33. MittBorg

            Thank deity I don't have that much property to worry about. Part of an acre is plenty in the fire hazard areas. Problem with a lot my size, and hilly, too, is it's REAL work keeping to the fire code. I'm about dead today.

          34. Barb

            You must have beer! Run out and get some. It's Saturday night and there is no better time to hoist an oats soda.

          35. MittBorg

            I live in a fire hazard area, and the nearby cities have joined together with their local fire departments to ensure that residents in and outside the city limits maintain their properties in such a way as to reduce the danger of fire. Once a year at the start of summer, the local fire department inspects all the properties in the surrounding area. If you're not up to code, they send city workers to bring your property up to code, and bill you for it.

            It's a *good* thing to do. The last big fire scared the shit out of us, and it took years to recover. But it can be an awful fucking pain.

          36. MittBorg

            Yeah, right, the last time I got into a fight with these fuckers, it took three years to resolve. YOU stand my damned lawn. I'm busy weeding.

          37. MittBorg

            I love it here. And they're absolutely correct about the need for fire breaks, we learned that with the last big fire. Like I said, the regulations can be a pain but they keep us safe. We used to have downed trees and pine needles in two-foot duff on everyone's property, plus firewood stacked under wooden decks (these houses were built back in the 1920s, and heating was added much later). That was how we got a hole burned in the bathroom wall — a loose log that was smoldering rolled down onto the duff against the wall and ate a hole in the house. And because it was a low, post-firefighting smoulder, it wouldn't have been noticed if the fire crews hadn't been doing a walkthrough. We here are very grateful to them for their diligence, and for saving our lives and homes.

            Of course, it's not my fucking fault my genius neighbours decided to give our local firefighters a BBQ GRILL as a token of their esteem.

          38. Chet Kincaid

            Oh, so it's about California environmental-disaster safety stuff, not, stuck-up nosy neighbors policing the riff-raff to preserve their property values like the Virtue Of White Womanhood? That's OK then.

          39. MittBorg

            Chet, man, I know you just love watching me go through my borderline aspie serious-talk reactions. It's ALL PART OF A PLOT AND YOU'RE IN ON IT!

            Yeah, no, this is CA, man, we don't do Virtue of White Womanhood shit in these parts. Hell, it's almost getting impossible to find a blonde anymore around here.

          40. bobbert

            Yeah,. It's kind of a pain in the ass, but then again it's a pain in the ass for everybody, and as a result we collectively reduce our chances of getting crispy during fire season.

          41. MittBorg

            Yup. It's the Right Thing To Do. God knows it looks like a fire year already. Everytime I hear those damn sirens I start looking around for the fire.

          42. Negropolis

            California don't play, let me tell you. Regulations to the moon. your car exhaust, the type of pets banned in state, what kind of plants you can bring in and out of the state….It's the place they accuse the entirety of the United States to be under Democratic presidents.

          43. MittBorg

            Well, agriculture is a big moneymaker for the state, and most of the plant/animal bans have to do with protecting that industry. And fortunately, the State takes its responsibility to maintain clean air and water for its citizens *some*what seriously. Although I don't think for one minute that they'd ever put *people's* interest before the ag industry's.

          44. Negropolis

            Oh, I wasn't making a huge value judgement on the actual regulations. In fact, I think more the of the US would be better off if they regulated like California does. But, it is work for residents to keep up with them, that's for sure. It can take a lot of effort to live well in a modern society. It's my hope we can find ways to make it easier.

  5. barto

    Those Christian missionairies sure know how to recruit for their religion, don't they? Wow, sign me up! I love taunting people just like Christ did all the time. Good times!

  6. mwittier

    First Bush, now they've put Newt's head on a spike! That's going too far!

    No way the spike can take that weight.

    1. flamingpdog

      Newt's head is spiked; Callista's heels are spiked.
      The Gingrich's are spiked from top to bottom.

  7. poorgradstudent

    Wait until someone explains to the neocons among them that Arabs are Semites too.

  8. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    FTA: [S]ome kids started throwing water bottles and pop cans at the missionaries. Others chanted “Allah-U-Akbar” (God is the greatest). One of the Christians shouted in response “Jesus Akbar.”

    At least these Christians are as culturally and biblically literate as most other Christians… which is to say, "not".

          1. MittBorg

            I sent the "Lies My Older Brother Told Me" panel to my siblings, and would you believe, they haven't spoken to me since.

            Some people have NO sense of humour.

          2. scvirginia

            My siblings might not have appreciated the panel (I don't remember that particular one), but they wouldn't have stopped talking to me. I hope you have other family who are more tolerant.

          3. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

            For better. Though I admit giving up on Groening once the Simpsons were on the market… and then going back to him lovingly with Futurama.

            for a former Pentecostal boy who knew nothing of the real world, Life In Hell and The Boomer Bible were eye-opening experiences.

          4. scvirginia

            Yes, I stopped reading him about the same time. I only have basic cable, so am not familiar with Futurama- will see if I can check it out online, though.

          5. MittBorg

            Since I haven't owned a teevee since forever, I've never seen the Simpsons. Or Futurama, whatever that might be. I'll bet all of this stuff is available online these days, innit?

          6. bobbert

            I have a teevee, but none cable, and I've never kept up with anything, but dude? You've never watched an episode of the Simpsons? Thirty percent of comments here on the Wonk must seem like white noise.

            Now, I've probably seen only thirty or forty episodes, and I'm a little intimidated by the sheer backlog, but they are all online or dvd, and quite a few allegedly serious TV critics consider The Simpsons to be the best sitcom ever.

            Futurama is, in many ways, the same — continuous pop-cult references, but with a sci-fi twist. I have a couple of seasons on dvd, but I'm a sucker for SF.

            Groening didn't invent the pop-cult reference, but he was the first to realize that you can actually get "celebs" to do voice on an animated show a lot more easily than getting them to show up in person for live-action.

            Mmm, now, I have to mention, amidst my enthusiasm for these shows, that most evenings I spend reading.

            Cheers.

          7. tessiee

            The Simpsons is Matt Groening's dysfunctional family cartoon.
            Futurama is Matt Groening's science fiction cartoon, set in the year 3000.

            When Futurama first premiered, the Sunday night lineup where I lived was:
            800 Simpsons
            830 Futurama
            900 X-Files
            Is that perfect, or what?

          8. Chet Kincaid

            I don't know about perfect; I can't remember if "The X-Files" had proven to be a shell game by the time "Futurama" premiered, but I loved "King Of The Hill" more than any of the Groening stuff. And this "Family Guy" shit is just obnoxious.

          9. bobbert

            It was too late to be a formative influence here, but there is no doubt LIH is fucking wack (and I mean that in the best possible way).

          10. flamingpdog

            Slightly off topic, but I've had a copy of Groening's Work is Hell at my office for the last 30 years or so. It's helped my through some of the tougher times.

          11. MittBorg

            Work is Hell is never off-topic for teh Wonketz.

            Isn't that what we spend half our time bitching about? Oh, wait, most of us lost our jerbs already. Ne'mind.

    1. Sassomatic

      Well, as it turns out, both the northern area of the country and the southern area are home to stupid hateful people, in the same amounts. It's almost as if one's geographical location is not the primary determiner of one's intelligence and personality.

      1. Negropolis

        in the same amounts

        This part simply isn't true, but the rest of it is. For Michigan/Wisconsin/fill-in-theblank, this is an abberation, down South, this is the rule. The other difference being that down South, this how they get elected. Up here, they are forced to hide their bigotry or carefully couch it to get elected, and only when in power do they unleash it.

        1. Dr. Nick Riviera

          Yeah, I somewhat doubt that you'd get a poll in Wisconsin or Michigan showing a quarter of their populations opposing interracial marriage. Is everybody in the South a bigot? Absolutely not. Is everybody in the North not bigoted? Absolutely not. But are there more bigoted people in the south? Well, you can't read people's thoughts, but there certainly are more vocal bigots in the South. I can't think of any northern states that would have something as offensive as a confederate flag flying.

          1. flamingpdog

            Unfortunately, some folks like to pretend they're Confederates. The other day I was "driving" along a highway in Western Colorado using Google Maps street view, and right after I crossed the Colorado/Utah state line into Utah, there was a Confederate flag along the side of the road. I've seen a few, in person, in Colorado, too, also.

    2. Nothingisamiss

      You know, MB, I don't know if the hatred is getting worse…but it feels that way to me and it's harder and harder to get out of fucking bed in the morning.

      1. Rotundo_

        Very much so. It seems stupid is metastasizing and spreading in a very out of control fashion. I am thinking that taking up drinking may be a reasonable thing to do.

        1. MittBorg

          Hey, Rotundo, I hear what you're saying my friend. However, as a person who did take up drinking to deal with this shit, I gotta tell ya: hangovers suck.

      2. MittBorg

        (Hugs Nothingisamiss) It feels that way to me too, sweetie, but we gotta get back to the frontlines. This is our fight. We may be the last generation that knew what "middle class" meant, and we need to ensure the oligarchy doesn't just ride to victory in this one.

      3. scvirginia

        Sadly, Faux Snooze propaganda is available nationwide. Likewise, Internet access to hater web sites. Not a force for good, IMO.

    1. Negropolis

      If I'm to be honest, it seems to be folks out-of-state that have the most problem with Michigan Arabs. Within state, they are seen as just another ethnic group, courted by Dems for votes and money (they are more wealthy than the general population) and largely ignored by the Republicans. "Detroit" is still the biggest boogeyman in Michigan.

        1. Negropolis

          Apart from the continued immigration, Arabs are now basically what the Polish were a century ago. Many of them are now basically considered culturally "white" in the metro area, anyway, especially if they are Christians. They came for the same reason that a whole lot of other immigrants did to Metro Detroit: the automobile industry.

          The "new" immigrant group now rising in the metro are Indian Hindus.

          1. MittBorg

            Oh, my. How interesting. There really is so much to learn, every single day.

            Is there a Druze or Maronite community of any size among the Arabs?

            Interactions between the Indians and the Arabs should be interesting. All that cultural and religious baggage.

  9. Doktor Zoom

    Haw haw, I bet some of the protesters also walked their dogs, cuz muslins just hate dogs.

    1. flamingpdog

      If the "Crhistian" protesters were walking their dogs, I guess that would make it a regular dog and phony show.

    2. doloras

      Trufax: in Iran, dog ownership has gone way up, since ordinary Iranians found that owning a dog is a good way to keep the religious cops away from your home.

    1. Negropolis

      God, I'd protest with them if they were going to protest Taco Bell. Truly, it is an abomination before the Lord.

    1. flamingpdog

      And remember his tiff with the money changers in the Temple? He took on Wailing Wall Street!

        1. flamingpdog

          I would be cool with a unification of the Members of Eternal Life with Occupy the Temple, to form MEL OTT.

          1. flamingpdog

            What are you, a Communist? Of COURSE everyone knows baseball!Haven't you seen those old World War 2 movies where they can tell who the Nazi infiltrators are by asking them baseball questions?

          2. MittBorg

            Er … well, yes, actually.

            Yeah, I saw those movies. Hokey buncha shit. No, I was one of the nerdy kids who always turned left when the teacher said "Right!" and so they kicked me out of all the sports teams, and I never did learn any of that shit. Hell, I got kicked out of the scouts for playing truant and running lickety-split outa school when I was supposed to be attending a troop meeting. If my pants hadn't got caught on that damned barbed wire, they'd never have caught me.

  10. bobbert

    So, this missionary / performance art group is on tour? I don't envy the roadie in charge of the pig's head.

    1. MittBorg

      That is so disgusting, in more ways than one. I mean, set aside the sheer logistics of it, where the fuck do you GET a pig's head? Isn't it pretty filthy and germy, as much as most human heads would be unless freshly washed? In the course of decomposing, will it not attract such delightful insect life as flies, which will leave behind eggs that will hatch and turn into maggots? How long are they planning to keep the damned thing around?

      And what a boatload of trouble to go through simply to be disagreeable.

      1. flamingpdog

        When I was a budding anatomist back in my undergraduate college days, I almost bought a sheep's head off the shelf at the international market in downtown D. C. just for the skull.

        1. MittBorg

          Food is food, and scientific experiments is scientific experiments. It's fine to have a head around for anatomical purposes but I'd be forced to murder you in public if you put it in my food refrigerator. I mean, I compost blood, bones, and small dead animals in my garden all the time, but I'm pretty careful to keep the compost bins wired up right and at the proper temperature/moisture/ratio to decompose things without stunking up the whole damn garden.

          1. flamingpdog

            You wouldn't have liked the frig at my graduate school offices. The frig part was full of lunches and the freezer was full of roadkill.

          2. MittBorg

            That sounds fine, if they're in separate compartments. Contamination is the issue. I don't have a problem with dead bodies around (I have five cats, and they make every effort to bring meat to the table), so long as they're kept separate from any area where food, food preparation, and food handling occur. Food in sealed containers in the fridge and dead bodies in the freezer, meh. Not worth getting excited about.

            I get *very* bent out of shape by poor food handling practices, not that you'd notice.

      2. not that Radio

        And what a boatload of trouble to go through simply to be disagreeable.

        "We can disagree without being vivisectional"

        1. MittBorg

          I understand from a fellow commenter that at least 33.3% of everything you say is a reference to The Simpsons. I am now going to Stand My Ground and demand a further explanation.

          PS: Hugs to NotSoLittleSuzyNotThatDeweyRadio.

          1. not that Radio

            I think your friend might be exaggerating. 4.7%, tops.

            It was actually a perversion of Barry NOBAMA's quote that "we can disagree without being disagreeable", which he used to defend his choice of Prick Warren for the inauguration ceremony. I thought it was appropriate in the context of Insane Christianists. The Googles indicated that this phrase originated with Zig Ziglar.

            So there.

          2. not that Radio

            I counted at least half a dozen Simpsons references that OTHER people made today. I made none*. [raspberry]

            *probably because I'm self-conscious about it now

  11. Chichikovovich

    Since Michigan, filled (as recent events show it to be) with hypocrites, misogynists, liars and penis-shooting morons needs no outside assistance in the self-condemning department, I'll point out that this "missionary" group – the so-called "Bible Believers" has nothing to do with Michigan. There is no reason to think these people were even from the state. It is a deranged Pentacostal sect that follows the teachings of one "William Bransom", a mid-twentieth century American evangelist. They also publish stuff like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion on their website.

    1. flamingpdog

      As the Detroit Free Press story pointed out, too, also, the "Bible Believers" are in Ohio today protesting a gay festival. ROAD TRIIIP!!!1!

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        Guess Westboro now has some competition.
        Hey, maybe both groups will show up at the same place & start beating each other silly with their signs.

    2. BarackMyWorld

      You know, Wonkette did just have a meet-up in Michigan….that simply CAN'T be a coincidence.

      1. MittBorg

        ZOMG. I can just see this Editrix person dusting her hands as she spurns Michigan with one slippered heel "Terror, chaos, and destruction … my work here is done."

  12. fartknocker

    Purely being speculative, but I have a suspicion, after looking at the Detroit Free Press photo, that everyone of these fine Christians is probably OK with Fred Phelps and his position on gays.

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Yes, they do. And they also use the word "true Christians" to separate themselves from the rabble that do shit like this.

      My rule of thumb: "Do you both believe that salvation through Jesus will get you into heaven?" If they both answer yes, then fuck 'em… clean up this goddamn mess you made, and quit being such an asshole to everyone.

    2. Buckminster

      I think they've forgotten the little brown man with the wise words. They think only of armored Breitbart.

      1. Negropolis

        I think they've forgotten the little brown man with the wise words.

        Jesus?

        Yeah, I totally went there. lol

  13. Chet Kincaid

    I don't know, when I was around Bible colleges, "missionary training" consisted of more than just learning how to scrawl hate on a sign and scream until you are red in your white, hate-filled face. But waving a pig's head on a pike is absolutely at the cutting edge of "missionary" persuasive technique.

    1. MittBorg

      When I was a yoot' and spent far more time around the religious and their institutions, I do not remember my Christian friends being like this AT ALL. All my friends who call themselves Christian seem to believe in doing good works and living by the Golden Rule. These people bear absolutely NO relation to any Christian I've ever met. Shouldn't there be some kind of law about fraudulently claiming another group's identity?

      1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Must have been Methodist. I liked being a Methodist, until I realized all the old people were really atheists. At that point I became an atheist too, and saved 10%.

        1. MittBorg

          Catholic, actually, and I'm very impressed by them. They seem to spend all their vacation time "holidaying" in disaster areas doing relief work for orphaned children, the poor, the sick. My mother's geriatrician is one of these guys. He makes shitloads of money, and spends most of his time when he's not working doing "church stuff," which usually means visiting the sick and those in prison, setting up meal programs for the destitute, offering free medical care to those who need it, training doctors at other hospitals. Unbelievable guy.

      2. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Oh, and to answer your last question, I keep saying the same thing. "Good Christians of the world, it's time to employ Occam's Razor. Google it, and then come back here to me."

        "Now here's how this works: You need to develop a standardized list of questions that ALL Christians should know by age 30. And they should be taught universally. No more doctrinal / denominational nonsense. Jesus or GTFO."

        "Anyone professing to be a Christian, yet being unable to pass with 65% proficiency, should be killed with Occam's Razor."

        "Or you can cut to the chase, realize science > religion, and use Occam's Razor to cut that stupid shit out."

        1. MittBorg

          Well, I'm an atheist and have been since I was about nine. However, as much as I trash organized religion out of one side of my mouth, out the other one I gotta say, I understand that people need something in their lives to turn to. It's not for me to say what that should be. If it works for them, that's fine. But I'm really getting tired of all these so-called religious blatantly contradicting their own fucking sacred texts in everything they do or say.

          Why, one might almost suppose they'd never read the fucking things.

          1. flamingpdog

            No shit. Once when I was lamenting to my Mormon daughter and son-in-law my disappointment upon reading on Facebook that my high school "mad crush's" favorite book today is the Bible, they told me that most of their friends said the Book of Mormon was their favorite book, but they doubted most of them had ever read it.

          2. MittBorg

            Given that, apart from the beauty of the language and poetry in the KJV, and the very erotic Song of Solomon, the wholly babble is basically the history of a desert tribe's struggles in its early days, I can't image why anyone (except a language- or history-obsessed reader) would. The book of Moron doesn't even have *that* to commend it. It was written by a bunch of grifters and frauds who had no business scamming poor people the way they did. They could pretend to no literary value, why bother reading it?

            I don't understand why people get *more* religion-obsessed as they get older. You'd think that age would give them the wisdom to see that they're really clutching at some fabulospondulixed straws.

          3. tessiee

            "the wholly babble is basically the history of a desert tribe's struggles in its early days"

            R. Crumb, the cartoonist whose greatest fame was during the 60s, has an illustrated book of Genesis, which he plays perfectly straight, even respectful. It's actually quite good.

            the Portland Art Museum had a show of the original drawings from his book, including a page of the begats (?) and who was descended from whom. I'd venture to guess that nobody on earth loves drawing enough to enjoy drawing 50 first century middle eastern guys, all of whom look alike enough to be related, but all of whom look different enough to tell apart.

          4. MittBorg

            I'd love a copy of that book. He's a terrific artist.

            OTOH, I wouldn't mind skipping the begats (Deuteronomy? Matthew? Luke? I forget) altogether.

          5. tessiee

            If you haven't seen the movie "Crumb", I sort-of recommend it. It's interesting and well-made, but creepy and depressing. Suffice it to say that R. Crumb is by far the most normal member of his family.

          6. MittBorg

            I haven't, thanks so much for the sort-of recommendation. As a member of a pretty fucking depressing (but mostly not-creepy) family, it should provide for some good, if heavily liquored, times. Ha.

            (Hugs the tessiee) That was very sweet.

          7. Geminisunmars

            I saw that movie. Since I grew up reading Crumb I found it fascinating. He is still an interesting figure. A year or two ago for some reason I was researching him and learned more about him, his artist wife and artist daughter.

          8. MittBorg

            I knew about the wife (she's the fat-bottomed girl in all his comix), and she's a hella artist in her own right. But I never knew he had a daughter who was an artist also.

            Thank you, Gem.

      3. aussiefromafar

        Although I am not christian, I know from my contact with them that most christians are not like this. They are quite different from American christians who seem to be infected with a particularly virulent form of right whinge crazy…. Like uber bat-shit-filled crazy.
        Where's this rapture they are all waiting for so anxiously so that those normal folk like us left behind can get on with our normal lives?

        1. MittBorg

          I'm getting awfully tired of them smearing the good name of the fine people I have known all my life who don't spend their days in hatefests. If any minor deity shows up asking my opinion, I'll be sure to request an advanced calendar fo this fucking rapture of theirs. Take the lot of them, as fast as you can, oh deity!

    2. bobbert

      Occasionally, for the lulz, I will seriously try to put myself inside the head of someone with whom I have fundamental disagreement. (This is not the same thing as my hobby of arguing the other side of issues because I'm a cranky old asshole).

      But, in some cases, all you find is vacuum. Like, don't these people realize that Muslim (and Jewish) abstention from pork is a (divinely-prescribed) dietary law, and not an indication that swine are somehow objects of terror or revulsion? Swine are "unclean", yes, but that just means "don't eat 'em", not "recoil in horror".

      Certainly, the pig-on-a-stick conveyed the message "we hate you" — which leads to the question: "What is the word for an anti-missionary group"? — but it's pretty weak. Now, a more compelling image would have been a caricature of the prophet with a Hitler moustache.

      Of course, then they wouldn't have been able to make their next tour date.

      1. MittBorg

        Actually, since human stupidity is the one resource in this world that is NOT in short supply, you would be wrong about this. Thanks to years of being told that pigs are haram, most Muslims have a freaking shit-fit at the thought of physical contact with anything of swinely origin. I grew up with Muslim kids, and one of my favourite childhood pastimes was assuring my poor Muslim friends that they had mistakenly ingested pork or used a pork-containing product. The screaming of Bismillah, bismillah wasn't faked, I'm pretty sure of it.

        Nasty critters, kids.

        1. bobbert

          No kidding? You have just enlarged my comprehension of the world.

          My previous belief was based on growing up in a community that was about 30-40% middle-class Jewish. I can give you first-person assurance that my compadres were neither terrified of pigs nor, in most cases, averse to the occasional bratwurst.

          However, I have had only adult contacts with Muslims, and being a fairly polite person in my pre-asshole days, generally didn't interrogate them about their personal relationship with swine.

          Thank you for educamating me. This is one of the things that is really cool about our Wonket.

          1. MittBorg

            I know a fair number of Muslim adults who aver that there is nothing on this planet that tastes better than pig, in its various forms. But, yeah, I happened to bring a dog on a plane with me back around 9/11, and apparently, the entire Muslim population of the nation was going on hajj right about that time, because the walk through the airport was punctuated with sotto voce "bismillah, bismillah" and some *very* unhappy Muslims. Apparently, many Muslims believe that if they come into contact with a dog, they must immediately purify themselves.

          2. bobbert

            Ya know, you'd almost begin to wonder if all religions weren't based on

            **virtual electrical discharge**

            random crap.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    In the heart of every bigot is the deep-seated fear that he's not innately superior to everyone — or, slightly restated, that everyone else has just as valid an existence as he does.

    Anyway, bigots — please get over yourself and don't be a bigot all your life. Mostly because I love seeing that moment of realization when you realize everyone else is equal to you and you're no better than anyone. It helps that you're a better person and all too, but mostly I like that moment.

  15. randcoolcatdaddy

    Christian nutjobs have such a full social calendar in the summer between all the street festivals, gay pride parades, Ren Faires, lesbian folk music festivals and witch burnings.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Meetings of the Paleontological Society. (Thank goodness there are no more Harry Potter movie openings.)

  16. arihaya

    apparently only white Nordic Aryans are counted as "Christian" while browns like Melkite and Maronite Arabs are not

    1. MittBorg

      Unless they're being killed/shot/injured by Muslims of the same nationality in their home countries. Then Teh MooseLumps are KEEELING CHA-RISS-CHUNS and it's time for another Crusade.

  17. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Memo to Xtards: The government has drones in U.S. skies, and is on a mission to hunt down and kill medieval, hate-filled fundamentalists. Just saying.

  18. chascates

    Rebecca, can you use some of the 'drinky' money to send this group to protest in Saudi Arabia? Jesus wold have wanted them to.

  19. arihaya

    … won’t be there because they’ll be protesting a gay festival in Ohio,

    so many people to hate, so little time

  20. a_pink_poodle

    Some of the signs the missionaries held read: "Islam is a religion of blood and murder"

    Say the people menacing a bloody pigs head on a pike at others.

  21. coolhandnuke

    I'm sure he's keeping up on his state's outpouring of crazy–with envy and pride–and the Motor City Madman will blow a gasket of hate (I say on Sunday) just to feel alive.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Gotta fuel your crazy cult protest party with Big Macs & sugar water, dontcha know.

      1. MittBorg

        If other penises were carrying, this guy would already be dead because he's such a huge fucking dick, and you know dicks don't like competition.

    1. bobbert

      Okay, now I am not Neilist (by a long shot *badoink*) , but if my metric conversions are correct, a .40 cal Glock is, in fact, a 10 mm Glock, which is the kind of thing you take hiking if you're worried about encountering wild boars, not rampaging air-conditioning ducts.

      Also, to have an "accidental discharge" with any pistol, you pretty much have to have it cocked, and you certainly must have a round in the chamber.

      Actually, this is a feel-good story, because the fucking moron didn't hurt or kill somebody else. Yay.

      1. Designer_Radio

        It sure seems like I read a lot of "Man shot while cleaning gun" stories. I'm not a gun aficionado, but I DO know that when you clean a gun, well, it's pretty hard to do with a bullet in the chamber. Further, if you clean guns that are even just loaded, you're dumb.

        1. bobbert

          "Man shot while cleaning gun" is HILARIOUS. Also, impossible.

          Well, unless you decide to just clean the part of the barrel in front of the bullet.

          Even then, how do you cock the motherfucker?

          I normally read "man shot while cleaning gun" as "Man shot while practicing quick draw".

  22. Antispandex

    I, personally, feel that pork is nasty. That may be because it give me the runs, I'm not sure. However, if the "christians" want to anger their god by being in contact with swine flesh, who am I to argue? I'm still wondering about that whole, "I'm against the homasextials 'cause it's in the Bible" line of reasoning though. Can someone explain?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The old testament (Leviticus in particular) has a hundred or two things that supposedly shall earn you an unpleasant death at the hands of the righteous. The Xtards just pick and choose whatever appeals to their prejudices, and ignore the stuff they like to do themselves. They like fried pork chops, but they don't like gay people, so there you go.

      I notice they don't go around murdering adulterers. Draw your own conclusions.

      1. tessiee

        "I notice they don't go around murdering adulterers."

        Telling people in countries where AIDS is rampant that condoms don't do anything could perhaps be considered murdering "fornicators", or at least letting them die horribly in a way that could have been prevented.

    2. sharethegrief

      I have a fundie brother-in-law who has a doctorate in Old Testament studies and teaches at a scary seminary in Maryland. He hates the gays, women who are not subservient and he's highly suspicious of all non-Xtians. He's an enormous man, 6'3 and weighs about 350 lbs. One day I'm going to ask him about that gluttony thing in the Bible where it commands you to put a knife to your throat.

      1. MittBorg

        Good heavens, are we really expected to SHARE our dwindling earthly resources with such a glutton? Off with his head! (I wouldn't say this if he wasn't such a hatey-hater.)

        1. sharethegrief

          He's in town and because he's married to our sister who was left on our porch as a baby, I swear, we're having dinner with them tonight. I'll count the entrees and give you the total later.

          1. MittBorg

            You need to divorce that sister. All of you. If you all join hands and surround them and repeat "We divorce you," maybe she'll go away and take him, and his gluttonous maw, with her.

          2. bobbert

            So, in most disciplines, to successfully achieve a Ph.D., you are expected to produce some original work in your field of study. The amount of originality may not be very large (it could be, for instance, a different proof of something that is already known to be true), but it is crucial.

            How the hell do you get a "Doctorate" in the Old Testament?

          3. GhostBuggy

            It's probably easier if your school doesn't bother with all that messy accreditation stuff.

          4. sharethegrief

            I see that I'm mistaken. I don't know what the hell he got his Ph.D. in. I just know he's an Old Testament Kind of Guy. He teaches at Capitol Bible College/Seminary in Lanham, Md. Feel free to check out their "credentials."

          5. bobbert

            I'm not saying you're mistaken, just that his "doctorate" seems "fishy" (that's a xtian joke) to me.

    3. Spurning Beer

      Many non-fundamentalist scholars believe that the biblical injunctions were aimed mostly at ritual male prostitution in pagan temples, not at the wiggling-around-in-excrement business itself. So it was things like child sacrifice, tattoos, witchcraft, and the other trappings of Baal worship the Leviticals were abominating.

      And to put it in context, lobster newberg and cotton-polyester blends are among the other abominations of the same rank.

      To press the point, there are suggestions in some of the more ancient Old Testament stories that it was considered good manners for a host to offer a guest a daughter to diddle, or a son if he preferred. Hospitality was extremely important.

      1. viennawoods13

        Yes, Lot offered his virgin daughters to the mob to rape instead of the angels, and that made him a good man. And after the family had fled and mom turned into a pillar of salt, his two daughters took turns getting him drunk and getting pregnant by him, and that was just fine too. So… heterocexual rape and incest were AOK.

    4. flamingpdog

      Lewis Black has a hilarious take on the Old Testament that chastises Fundie Christians for not understanding why it was written in the first place.

      1. tessiee

        Lewis Black and Louis C.K. are awesome. Maybe the name Lewis or Louis indicates awesomeness, the way the names Rick, Scott, or Rick Scott indicate suckfulness.

        1. MittBorg

          Or "John Wayne" as first and middle names usually seems to indicate some kind of serial killer. Chuck Shepherd has an entire collection of people with the name "John Wayne" who have committed horrendous crimes.

        1. MittBorg

          I've always wanted to ask a Christian, preferably one with some sort of ecclesiastical authority, why on earth they have anything at all to do with the Old Testament, when it has nothing to do with them. The so-called old testament is the history of the Jewish people, really. It IS their fucking book. So ya didn't like it, ya called it old, ya called yourselves new, so why are you even paying attention to anything written in there? It's nunya goddamn business, get on with your own damned book!

    5. bobbert

      I'm sorry, but I have to take issue with the concept that pork is nasty. Generally, I love pork and pork-related foods.

      Oh, wait. That was your personal opinion.

      Never mind.

    6. tessiee

      "I'm still wondering about that whole, "I'm against the homasextials 'cause it's in the Bible" line of reasoning though. Can someone explain?"

      Projection?

    1. MittBorg

      I'd venture to guess that while Henry Ford is certainly enjoying a well-deserved kicking in his current quarters, it is our Biely who is delivering said chastisement, not Henry himself.

      A thought which makes me unutterably happy.

  23. Fare la Volpe

    The shittiness of Tennessee followed me to Michigan.

    This is God's way of telling me to move to California.

    1. flamingpdog

      Stay away from Colorado for a few more years. Things are definitely getting better here, but the Lambornanistas haven't quite been subdued yet.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Trufax, I know one of the women who does those cow voices. She says that every time some new producer gets Peter Principled up the ranks into managing the campaign, the bastard makes her re-audition for the part even though she was one of the original actresses and writers for it.

        1. not that Radio

          Well, of course he does, stupid fucking advertising morans. There's no power trip quite like a junior advertising executive power trip. There must be some laboratory somewhere where people can get over-inflated senses of self-importance installed when they go into that line of work.

          More trufax: Mrs Dewey and I used to work in advertising, and it was destroying our souls, believe it or not, so we got out. Working with voice-over talent always felt to me like forcing hostages to read "my captors are really treating me well" messages. Here are these trained, experienced actors, who are largely forced by circumstance into shilling for Kraft or Chrysler or Tampax, trying to find something to like about saying "Did somebody say McDonald's?", just to get a paycheck. And don't even get me started on the poor saps who have to read pharmaceutical disclaimers.

          1. MittBorg

            So did I! And I used to do voice-overs. And yes, it really is soul-eating. Trying to convince people that they want stuff that they have no earthly need for. Wasn't there a Cyril Kornbluth story titled Marching Morons that just perfectly encapsulated that?

        2. MittBorg

          I know you know that in Corporate America, the dicks in upper management have to mark their territory as soon as they take office. This means pissing all over whatever went before so, you know, everyone can tell they've been there. Assholes. All of 'em.

          1. Fare la Volpe

            Considering she talked about it on live radio too, I don't think a little comment on this dog and pony show is going to do much.

    2. bobbert

      Stay towards the coast.

      Actually, even in most of the Valley, shit like this would be unexpected. The barrier between Central and Coastal Cali is semi-permeable.

      1. Negropolis

        So that's what the Asian Carp are for! I knew it was a plot!

        Build (another) danged, underwater fence, Illinois!

    1. GhostBuggy

      I've said it a million times, here and elsewhere: Michigan is the south of the north. Also, a pal o'mine over in Ypsilanti (near Ann Arbor) has coined the term "Ypsitucky."

      1. Negropolis

        Hoosier libel!

        Michigan may have temporarily lost it's mind, but Indiana has been crazy, forever. Indiana is the only Northern Great Lakes state where it is not uncommon to see a Confederate flag on a pick-up.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          Indiana's only got a tiny bit of Great Lakes beach, and everybody south of Gary sounds like a goddamned hick, so let's revoke their membership in the Association.

  24. Blueb4sunrise

    I don't want to be alarmist…but….here in So. Arizonastan, big grey things have covered up the sun, and are shooting some kinda stuff down, that then disappears.
    WTF?

    1. flamingpdog

      Don't worry none, the sun is still hard at work. It has just disappeared behind its cubicle rugwalls for a while.

      1. Blueb4sunrise

        Scary shit. Then there was some loud noise and the stuff wasn't diappearing anymore, discoloring the roads and houses, running off the roof , a little foamy….Bud Light?
        I dunno. It's over now. I've heard of a secret DoD base that does stuff like this…..

          1. Designer_Radio

            And WHATEVER you do, don't touch it with your penis! It makes it way bigger and then you're forced to purchase all new custom pants to accommodate the enormous bulge. It'll put ya in the poorhouse.

          2. Blueb4sunrise

            Uh oh. It has an earthy taste, plus a hint of eucalyptus and mesquite, with sort of a lingering, tarry finish.

        1. GhostBuggy

          Strangest damn things. They're man-made. Little damn things, smaller than my fist – but they're new!

  25. So Tired

    I lost whole groups of people to hate when I renounced religion. There's a lesson there I think.

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      I dearly miss a tiny amount of people now that I've left religion.

      But they wouldn't leave with me, so fuck'em. The oxygen they breathe is tainted.

  26. rocktonsam

    please don't come to Madison,

    go to Janesville Monday when mittenz, walker and ryan are there in a plant that Bamz saved probably

    1. bobbert

      Fucking Janesville. Centroid of Ryan worship. These people couldn't think rationally if you spotted them two integers and a division sign.

  27. shortsandpants

    Thank GAWD for Michigan. They are protecting us from those VIOLENTLY PEACEFUL, neutral BOMB-MONGERS of the Great White North. We cannot handle the massive influx of Canadians running over the border every hour, on the hour, every day. We cannot be distracted from the ideals of ridding them away— that Michigan, with its thriving (read: utterly defiled) manufacturing base and HIGH QUALITY automobile manufacturing centers that make no money for anybody, constantly lay off their employees, and suck the shit out of that sweet, sweet government subsidy teet, desperately need to be PROTECTED from the likes of non-militant, friendly Muslims who really just want to buy every rental unit in Dearborn to make a living. That is how Michigan will be saved.

  28. Blueb4sunrise

    OT re: $$$
    Maybe someone has already suggested this in another thread, but that girl who was posting photos of lunches is taking-in some serious cash.
    Just sayin…..

  29. Negropolis

    First, let me just say that I saw this in the Free Press, today, and was both horried and disgusted. Yeah, and it's Christians that are being persecuted, right? Fuck off, rednecks. Second, I'd like to formally welcome Jeff. I enjoy (most of) your work at your other job. Third, I am so, so, so very glad that these bastards will be humbled in November when their black "muslin, Indo-Kenyan usurper" president wins a second term and the dems take back the Michigan State House.

    Lastly, to all of your out-of-state fuckers – and that includes you "Bible Believers" – tormenting our Arab population here in Michigan: Get out. Get the hell out, and stay out.

    BTW, as Jeff kind of alluded to, Dearborn has a lot of Arabs…and not all of them are Muslims. In fact, up until fairly recently, most of them were Lebanese Maronite Catholics. When you take the entire population of Dearborn into account (Catholic Poles and such), Dearborn is still a Christian-majority city. So, I'd like to award "Bible Believers" and their ilk an Epic Fail.

  30. Negropolis

    BTW, I'm waiting for a statement from Muslim state rep. Rashida Tlaib on this. No, for reals. She has some of the best statements, either righteously indignant in tone or hilariously snarky, and sometimes both.

    1. fartknocker

      Dust Bowl

      While I may be from Texas, I have strong roots in Oklahoma. I graduated from OK State and still have family in the state. Part of Oklahoma's issue is that they have the casinos which alienates communities not near the reservation. They have also suffered the boom-bust economy of the oil and natural gas industry and the unpredictability of farming several times in my life. Right now it's a boom with fracking.

      The larger problem is a lot of Oklahoma is like Texas post LB Johnson for older folks. I remember my dad (from Bartlesville) tell me that the GOP was the Party of the Bankers and Democrats was the Party of the N-word. I still remember my Mom telling me that was wrong as a young child. To this day, even in liberal bastion Austin, I still here these words. When will we let this go?

      If it helps you, I feel your pain.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Thumbs up on that, my fellow member of the wonkettarriat

      (Put that added R there because I thought it looked cool.)

      I've been doing shopping and cleaning for Father's Day dinner tomorrow while the old man sits around and watches teevee about poker and war. I do not remember Mother's Day as having begun a day early.

  31. Negropolis

    I put myself through hell to go look at the Bible Believesrs website, and they are the fringe of the fringe. And, they don't just hate Mooslins, either…

    Church of Christ

    The religious sect known as the "Church of Christ" has many peculiar and aberrant doctrines that are contrary to the word of God. It is a most deceptive and dangerous cult. Their teaching of baptismal regeneration is an age-old heresy that has damned millions to hell, and is still doing so today. The idea that they are the one, true and restored church of Jesus Christ puts them in the same league with the Mormon and Roman Catholic churches.

    Buddhism

    While Buddhism teaches morals such as avoiding killing any creature, stealing, adultery, lying, corrupt speech, freed, anger and ignorance it is rooted in the teaching of a man who never claimed to be God (or a god) nor did he claim to be a prophet of God.The question that remains to be answered for 2500 years is "if a man is uncertain of his future can he be trusted with your future?"Buddha was quite uncertain about where he would go when he died and his remains can still be found in Kusinara at the foot of the Himalayan Mountains while in contrast Jesus Christ defeated the grave and can be found in heaven and in your life!

    These are just two examples. They go on about Islam, "The Jews", Mormonism, Calvinism, abortion, tattoos, Christian Rock, Catholicism, the "true" meaning of baptism…oh god, make it stop!

  32. MittBorg

    According to the charming commenters at the linked site, they have not been denatured, but have been treated with a chemical that is apparently removed by soaking in hot soapy water.

  33. DahBoner

    Jesus of Galalee: Love Thy Neighbor

    American Republican Jesus: What Channel is Redneck Island On?

  34. Monsieur_Grumpe

    A waste of a pigs head by the pig headed. Kind of ironic and a whole lot of stupid.

    1. Negropolis

      I never got the apology for the guy on this side of the pond after we knew he was bought-and-paid for. And, now, he's jetting around the world as some kind of "ambassador" to the Middle East. He lost me the minute he hooked up with Bush.

  35. not that Radio

    Now it's Father's Day, and everybody's wounded…

    (Leonard Cohen, as interpreted by R.E.M. As great as the song is, the production of the Lenny version is kinda cheezy, and I think R.E.M. fixed it.)

    Happy Father's Day!

  36. comrad_darkness

    Meh, just another group looking to get squashed for being hateful bigots so they can sue in return.

    It's a living. Of sorts.

  37. hippie13

    Also better Kabobs than most street fairs! Go Dearborn! And to be fair I am pretty sure the protesters came up from Ohio…please don't blame us for the tourists, we have enough home grown dickheads.

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