We Are Starting To Think Michiganders May Have A Problem With Women

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What is up, Michigan? We were just there. You seemed so nice! And now it’s just “cunt” this and “go sit in your naughty chair” that and “I don’t take no orders from no woman by the way” on top.

Michigan is hurting our feelings, because we are a girl. [Videogum]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • LetUsBray

    That list of states we'd be better off without is getting pretty damn long.

    • Isyaignert

      Where are you located Bray? I'm in Washington State. We're pretty liburrrrl up here.

      • LetUsBray

        Grew up in Tacoma, now live in LA.

    • CivicHoliday

      Really we're going to have to start breaking it down County by County so we don't have to nuke the entire map. Here in Missouri, for example, KC and STL aren't as bad, but I'd be happy if the Mississippi permanently flooded the rest of the entire state.

  • Come here a minute

    Don't take it personally, ladies. He don't take no orders from no women cause he's from Mars, and you know youse guys is from Venus is all.

  • Schmannnity

    Michigan is just thinking with its lower peninsula.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      If that goes national, we could have florida deciding our elections! Shit.

  • tbogg

    He seemed so much more capable when he was using that woodchipper in Fargo.

    • tessiee


      Also, I think that was Minnesota, not Michigan.

    • glasspusher

      Until he was done in by a lady cop! Still holding a grudge, I see!

  • Barb

    He seems stumped by this lovely lady.

    • flamingpdog

      He just wanted her to leaf him alone.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      He would be stumped by instructions to pour piss out of a boot that were printed on the heel of said boot.

    • CivicHoliday

      He's totally incapable of going with the phloem

  • Dashboard Buddha

    No more uplifting black preachers?

    • scvirginia

      Is that code for some kind of sexy lingerie thingy?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        No. It means that given our current national insanity, how best do we hang on to those tiny shreds of sweet humanity so as to not succumb to the Idiotcracy?

        • scvirginia

          All snark aside, I think that for me the key is balance. I want to know what's going on in the world- the good, the bad & the ugly- because I don't want to be an ostrich or a complacent fool. Sometimes when there's a lot of the bad & ugly about, I have to work pretty hard at seeing the good, but it's always there if I remember to look for it.

          Also I remind myself that the world has always been going to hell in a hand-basket, and our current national insanity has deep ancestral roots, but the sweet humanity does too.

          Sorry for goin' all "This I Believe" on ya but this is the closest I can get to being an uplifting black preacher.

          • Dashboard Buddha

            Thanks, Virg…it's hard to stay positive, but I try. Lord know, I try.

            (thank god for scotch)

          • Dashboard Buddha

            Also this…I know several earnest, hard working lefties that think that they're going to change the world…I don't try to burst their balloon because for all of my assured negativity, I might be wrong. But, being a student of history (my college major), I can see all too often where being an asshole, to the majority of people, is a much more soothing an sustainable position to actively pointing out that the current path is fucked up. Doesn't mean we should stop shouting against the ignorance…but there it is.

          • Boojum

            I made a decision a couple of years ago to push back on right wing memes. I went on a one person Facebook campaign about economic inequality and tax rates. This was about a year before Occupy.

            I had numerous people — teachers at my kids' school included — come up and thank me for it. It was like the conservative loudspeaker had so drowned out the voices of progressives that they were desperate for anyone to speak out.

        • tessiee

          Some days are more difficult than others, and some days are *much* more difficult than others…
          but I'll be goddamned if I let Them beat me.

          Other things that help:
          1. Appreciating the little things;
          2. friends and family (including you guys)
          3. Spinning it as "an adventure",
          4. walking every day,
          5. having a completely absurd and goofy sense of humor.

          • Dashboard Buddha

            Thanks Tess,Given that most of my family are sweet, but willfully ignorant of current trends, I turn to my fellow wonketteers, those who “get” me (for a given value of “get”) on a political level to keep me stable (for a given value of stable).Oh..and cats. Cats are key.—

          • Doktor Zoom

            "Difficult and painful as it is, we must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future. … When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice."

            Martin Luther King

          • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

            Take Pictures of Birds.

          • tessiee

            Oh! OH!!
            Bird Guy!!
            So this bird comes to my bird feeder every day, and it's a kind I've never seen before.
            I looked it up on several different websites, and as far as I can tell, it's either a Variegated Flycatcher or a Piratical Flycatcher — they're very similar-looking, with the crest and the bandit mask across the eyes.
            So, I look it up some more, and it turns out this bird is from Peru, and has only been seen like three times in the US. I thought I might have been mistaken, but he comes around every day, and I've gotten a really good look at him many times. I'm in Oregon, so this is one lost bird.

          • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

            Here's what you do. You must take a picture of this bird IMMEDIATELY!. Take as many as you can to get the bird in various angles. Get them to me somehow so I can try to ID it for you. If it is in fact a rare bird…you will be a celebrity (possibly more than you bargained for)…I'm not shitting you! Bird Nerds are insane when it comes to rare birds. But here's a thing, I'm suspicious of it being a Flycatcher, because Flycatchers…hence the name…catch Flies and other insects. I'm not so sure they would be eating seeds at a bird feeder. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just saying I'm a little puzzled by it, but I could be wrong.

          • tessiee

            You can send your contact information to my anonymous email, jrrz8grrl@hot8mail.com
            If you take the numeral 8s out of it, that should work.
            If/when I see that bird again, I'll take pictures with my cell phone and send them to you.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid
          • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

            I saw her live at the Neil Simon Theater! Lou Reed was there too!

          • scvirginia

            Yes, it's the little things that will make or break you. And I have long been convinced that having a sense of humor equates to having a sense of perspective. And the sense of adventure/ curiosity helps to keep things fresh. I know I sound like I've been drinking & getting maudlin, but I don't even have that excuse!

  • Negropolis

    Honestly, this is about par for the course of the suburbanites that come to dump shit in the city. When people come to Detroit and remark how bad it looks, they often forget to put a good heaping of the blame on the companies outside the city that literally use the city as a dump.

    This is honestly Metro Detroit in a nutshell. Forget that she's a woman, he's also mad that he has to talk to a colored girl, I'm sure. Stay classy, Warren. This is exactly the kind of trash that still unfortunately dots some of the burbs, and the "gentlemen" racists up in Oakland County aren't any better.

    I pity these idiots when I realize that the state is still going 10 points for Obama come November. These fuckers are just mad because everybody is poor in Metro Detroit, now, not just the blahs. Welcome to reality.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      WaPo changed their electoral map today and had Michigan as a tossup. I haven't seen any change from the Obamz +10 whats up?

      • Negropolis

        Two bad (and bullshit) polls in the last week that had it in a statistical tie with Romney actually leading by a point or two, in one. Surprisingly, the hack Rassmussen released a poll a few hours ago showing an eight point lead. It's not a tossup. It's the media playing their horserace bullshit to make stuff look competitive.

        BTW, anyone interested in an even more stark example of what illegal dumping in an already declining neighborhood leads to in Detroit, google "Robinwood Street." You will be shocked, because even a lot of Detroiter's didn't know about this street.

        • Callyson

          Got curious and googled it. Holy fuck!

        • Isyaignert

          Damnnn! I used to live on Robinwood Lane in Gates Mills, Ohio, it was like a Norman Rockwell painting on a Currier & Ives plate. This is just 'effin' sad. Sad, sad.

          I blame the Republicons 111%. They got us into this shit stew and their plan is to keep us drowning in it.

          OBAMA 2012 (with a new Attorney General hopefully)

        • jakegittes

          Fuck Yucca Mountain. Robinwood Street looks like a good place to which the nation's nuclear waste can be hauled. I think we should contract with Igor Stetkeyewecz to do that work. He can haul the stuff in the back of his flatbed, drive over a curb or two in the process in order to dislodge the load and cause it to be distributed equally in the 400-700 block of Robinwood Street. He don't need no protective clothing to do the job. He's from Mars.

        • AbandonHope

          Wow. Now I see where Bethesda Software got their inspiration for Fallout 3.

    • NYNYNYjr

      I hope he's drunk in that video.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Most of these rants can be boiled down to, “I’m not getting any, and it's the Liberals fault!”

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Give the guy a break. He's probably still bitter from all his divorces.

    • Guppy

      A charmer like that must have no shortage of women.

      • glasspusher

        They respect a strong guy who can put them in their place. Where are the cream pies when you need one?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      That reminds me of the time, when I was going through my own divorce, a friend took me to a "Being Single Again "support group". When it came time to "testify" this dude came up and described in painful detail how every woman he had married (not dated…MARRIED) cheated on him. I got a ton of shit when, amongst all of the well meaning comments directed at him, I raised my hand and said, "you know…I'm new here, but I think I see a pattern.".

      I wasn't invited back. But on a positive note, after nearly 20 years since my own divorce, I may be ready to marry again.

  • a_pink_poodle

    I don't take no orders from no women! Not even from my mother. When she told me I'd burn myself if I played with fire, I told her "Fuck you, mom!" and proceeded to douse myself in gasoline and light myself up.

  • GuanoFaucet

    He has libertarian written all over him. Christ, what an asshole.

    • tessiee

      Also, thank you for sparing me having to watch/listen to the video.

  • James Michael Curley

    Worst Ray Charles imitation ever.

  • didgen

    Unless he dies, an idiiot has no hope of a cure.

    • Isyaignert

      Ya can't fix stooopid.

      • Boojum

        Some people can only be helped by a shotgun.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Link to the followup story:

    This martian scumbag evidently threatens his neighbors and exposes himself as well!
    I like the part where he blames his mom for him whipping it out.


    • Negropolis

      I am pissed this guy is trying to feign a mental illness. He knows exactly what he's doing. He needs to grow the fuck up, already. He's a grown-assed man acting like a child.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        He's pretending?
        I felt a little sorry for him and his GLARING mental illness.
        (But then, I'm really naive, and think most racists and sexists are mentally ill.)

        • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

          Personality disorders are mental disorders, but not usually considered major mental illnesses. This fellow's Axis II looks highly developed to me.

        • Guppy

          Here's the thing: if he's taking "pretending to have a mental illness" to these kinds of extremes, doesn't that mean that the mental illness he truly has is all the worse?

      • tessiee

        I wish I could give you an extra upfist specifically for "grown-assed man".

    • Doktor Zoom

      I'm thinking maybe Mitt Romney has found his running mate.

      • Local_Mojo

        No. He found that the trees were not the right height. That's what started this whole rigamorole.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Moms, don't buy your kid's pants ten sizes too big.

    • TribecaMike

      Here's hoping the next judge he sees is a woman.

    • Callyson

      "…he pulled his pants down in front of the whole family: he says he just wanted to clean up his trash."

      Yeah, whatever he has (or does not have) between his legs is probably pure trash…

  • BarackMyWorld

    Michigan misogyny exhibit B: at least one song on every Eminem album.

    • hippie13

      but there are at least 2 or more that are degrading to women on every britney spears album.

      • BarackMyWorld

        True dat.

  • mavenmaven

    Stakevich, Blagojevich, what's the difference?

    • gullywompr

      Let's call the whole thing off.

  • Neoyorquino

    Everyone just calm down, now. It's the chainsaw fumes talking.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    What's with the accent? Oh, right.

  • UW8316154

    And why is his mom buying a grown-ass man pants?

    • Guppy

      He's too busy lifting himself by his own bootstraps to buy his own bootstraps.

    • tessiee

      Or is she buying a grown man ass-pants?

  • gullywompr

    NOW the trees are the right fucking height, bitch!

  • UW8316154

    Ihor, you are a vagina.

  • Local_Mojo

    It's frustrating to have wood and not have any place to put it.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Or even know where it is.

  • TribecaMike

    Who tosses wood like that? Uh, let me rephrase that…

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Hey, what's sauce for the Michi-goose is sauce for the Michi-gander.

  • http://thesecondcomingofjeri.blogspot.com Jeri 2.0

    Michigan's gonna get its fucking nuts kicked up around its scrawny pencil-neck if it doesn't quit acting like a douche. This cunt doesn't take that shit from any bunch of pricks that are so pussified they can't hear the word vagina without clutching their pearls. I really need to start drinking again.

    • Callyson

      I tried to quit drinking earlier this year. Yeah, not happening. Maybe 2013 if Obama survives…

    • Isyaignert


  • SayItWithWookies

    Move over Joe the Plumber — the next Republican Everyman is Ihor the Eyesore.

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      Fucking shitfucker needs to go fuck some shit. That's the best he's going to get.

      • glasspusher

        Are you suggesting that shit is fucked up?

    • aguacatero

      This guy is SOOOOO getting a primo speaking slot at the convention in Tampa.

  • sharethegrief

    This guy reminds me of Donald Trump without the money.

    • Callyson

      OK, I can't top this, I'm out…

    • hippie13

      Better hair

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait. He's from Mars?

    FINISH THE DANGED FENCE (around the Earth)!

  • ugodOH

    Another guy whose mom should've had an abortion.

  • the_problem_child

    What a fucking pathetic excuse for a human being. I hope his mother escapes safely.

  • TribecaMike

    When asked to comment on this story, Mitt Romney replied, "Let me guess, is he French Canadian?"

    • hippie13

      Actually he said "Oh No the trees have been shortened"

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    He's working the termite angle, is what's goin' on. You can get an insurance check for a bad infestation.

  • vodkamuppet

    Rebecca, I totally called you a cab saving you from the hassle of dealing with dispatch. I did that because I love you. NEVER FORGET!

    • DahBoner

      Why did you call her a cab? She's not Asian…

    • commiegirl99

      Oh I wondered how that cab just got there.


      • vodkamuppet

        So we love eachother, great! I like long walks down Cass….

  • glasspusher

    Funny, the ladies always _give_ me wood…

  • pinkocommi

    It is too bad that guy "doesn't take no orders from women" because I want to order him to go fuck himself.

  • chascates

    This is why we can't have nice states.

  • chascates

    Here's a live feed of people that have problem with everything, most especially reality:
    Tonight the Right Online Welcome Event begins at 10PM EST (7PM PT) and will feature speakers such as Tracy Henke, Michelle Malkin, David Bossie, Stephen K. Bannon, and of course Governor Sarah Palin who is the keynote speaker. The chatroom is open and you can watch below: http://www.therightscoop.com/10pm-est-watch-right

    This is also a lovefest for the dearly departed Andrew Breitbart, 'Ronald Reagan 3rd class'.

  • rocktonsam

    dear wonket, please stay away from madison, at least for now

    • Buckminster

      Sigh. To think my gentle, Shakespearean scholar father graduated from the college in Madison, WI makes me shudder. He never thought of addressing a woman in this way.

  • Gopherit

    He gives orders……for sammiches. Get busy now, man work has to be done.

  • dogscantlookup

    Hydrocephalus troglodytic coprophages all

    • tessiee


      This is hardly the time or place to talk about his dick.

    • CivicHoliday

      Bless you with your latin science words. There is no language more appropriate for making fun of ignorant people than by using terminology understood world wide except by Americans with zero scientific literacy.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        It actually takes remarkable willpower to remain ignorant in these days when an entire Liberal Education is always 3 clicks away, even in traffic. It used to be that you had to actually pay for and read a newspaper every day and a news magazine every week to be minimally informed enough to fake a good education.

  • Buckminster

    I just want to kick his nuts into outer space–or Inner space, like back into his abdominal cavity. Christ on a pogo stick.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Poor Tara. She probably misses covering the county's-largest-tomato stories about now.

  • Buckminster

    Oops, thought it was WI, did not listen to the idiot's full rant.

  • flamingpdog

    Even though the video was full of wood, I found it hard to masturbate to.

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      Wonkette–the only place on the internet where everyone can spell "masturbate".

  • fartknocker

    He would have had a much happier disposition if he had drank some beers and bonded with at the Wonkette Detroit function.

  • tessiee

    He's not a Michigander, he's a Michugenuh.

    • scvirginia


  • SudsMcKenzie

    I thought people in Detroit would welcome free firewood.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      I don't get it.
      Anyone with a fireplace or wood-burning stove would happily take it away.

    • hippie13

      We have plenty, its called run down housing we don't have money to demolish…Devil's night is always fun, free form arsonalooza

  • owhatever

    It's OK if he doesnt take orders from women. We have ignored him all of his life because of the body odor, the dorky looks, and general lack of IQ.

  • shortsandpants

    Holy shit! There are still people in Michigan? There are still WOMEN in Michigan????

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, approximately 10 million people, in fact. It's funny, because the media narrative has been that Michigan's population is rapdily declining when, in fact, the state lost half a percentage poinit of its population between 2000 and 2010, with all of the lost coming after 2006, and which as of 2011 simply bottomed out.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      They do!, I heard one of them say "vagina' the other day, … but I think she was escorted to the border on the Kid Rock freeway.

      • hippie13

        Thats SIR Kid Rock to you.

  • Ryy

    He fucked the face off that reporter! With words!

  • Isyaignert

    100 bucks says he's a Republican and owns a gun or two or three and 'effin' hates that blah man in the whi house.

  • Antispandex

    Maybe it's not because she's a woman, but because she's not…well, you know….white? Nope. I'm sure of it. It's because she has an inny.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    What a self-righteous, pig-ignorant cunt.

    Take the wood and jam it up your own ass, foolio.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Jesus, Detroit, Chicago, Cleveland, Milwaukee….that white ethnic a-yack-cent is universal in Da Great Lakes, isn't it?

    • Negropolis

      It's funny you bring that up. The accent has been confusing me ever since I saw the video, because the guy sounds straight-up out of Chicagoland and not Metro Detroit, yet he seems to know the local animosity between Detroit and Warren in particular, which seems to show that he's from here. The accents are all different, if even in a subtle way. Basically, anything on Lake Erie (Buffalo, Cleveland, Toldeo, Detroit) sounds very similar. Chicago has got a very particular accent, and then you've got the accents in Wisconsin and everything west which seem to get stronger the further west you travel.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        I don't know all the ins and outs of Great Lakes WhiteSpeak, having mostly been around white folks in Chicagoland (though I was born in Cleveland), but supposedly, they speak Inland Northern American English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inland_Northern_Amer

        The Chicago variant of the accent has always seemed to me to be based in how Eastern Europeans learned to speak English, and the more insular the neighborhood, the stronger the accent. When you get up into Wisconsin, and certainly Minnesota, it seems that Germany and Northern Europe have more influence in the accent.

        And supporting the Wiki definition, a good friend of ours grew up in the Fingerlakes area of New York, which is supposed to be part of this accent's geography, and he did have lots of elements of the Common White Tongue in his speech, though different in his own way.

  • rickmaci

    Ihor is an embarrassment to the Y chromosome. I an betting his is not Y but rather it's a y.

  • Beanball

    This guy is pushing the envelope for conceptual performance artists.

  • lochnessmonster

    Wow oh wow…

  • hippie13

    The only problem is they keep struggling and only the cops have tasers .

  • FLdispatches

    I grew up in Michigan and can confirm that this lovely gentleman is not an anamoly in the Mittens state! But in my neck of the MI woods we would dismiss him with the always-slaying insult:"YOU AIN'T DUTCH, YOU AIN'T MUCH."

    Sadly I live in the Tampa Bay area now and just watch as FL and MI try to outdo each other in Tea Party Game of Which Gov. Rick Will Come Up With Wild and Kraaazeee Legislation This Week?

    I should move to Arizona next to complete my unholy trinity of Hell States!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I left my wood ♪ ♫
    In Detroit Michigan.
    ♪ ♫

  • http://wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    You're in luck ladies, he's single.

    • tessiee

      There's a shocker.

  • http://wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    If that township has any female officers, they need to send them all to this guy to deliver the citation. Every one of them. See how he likes that.

    • Negropolis

      The city this guy lives in actually governed by a weirdo mayor (sometimes in a good way, often times in a bad way) who would do just that. I can see old man Fouts personally walking up to this guys door. lol He has not been above using his police force to intimidate political rivals, and he's very active in a personal level in the neighborhoods as a busybody.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    I thought Mars needs women??

  • badgitator

    I'll bet he doesn't take no sex from no womens either. Not even ones from Venus.

  • TribecaMike

    Poor guy hasn't been the same since Glenn Beck starting charging money to watch him.

  • b[redact]opple

    Holy crap, how did you link to a Wonket post from THE FUTURE?

    • commiegirl99


  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    "This has been 'Goin' To Da Show', and I'm just a Regular Guy!"

  • barto

    Yes, but he's from Warren so basically SUBMIT, bitches!

  • Carcuntz_R_Us

    Well… Men are from Mars, yes?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Bellicose narcissist psycho is bellicose.

  • banana_bread

    Clearly this person has a pencil dick.

  • ttommyunger

    Probably the only wood he's seen in years just fell off his truck. BTW, we have some fine lady cops here in Marietta, Georgia that would love to deal with this ignorant turd and his "don't take no orders from no women" attitude.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Close your eyes and he sounds just like the late, great Randy "Macho Man" Savage.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I don't think he knows a woodpecker from a peckerwood.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Dear Rebecca:

    At least you left Detroit better than you found it.

    Now please try your magic on San Francisco!

  • GregComlish

    Of course he doesn't take orders from women. Finding a domme is hard enough for an average guy, so this asshole doesn't have a chance in hell to find one. I doubt he could even hire a dominatrix that would waste her time on a juvenile lying piece of shit with severe penis anxiety.

    Oh well. More authoritative women for me.