Your Wonket Drinky Thing Non-Kickstarter Update (Behold Your New Prizes)

  and begging

Could this be you?Well you little sweetling lover liver lumps! You have already sent almost $2000 for beer and shit for our nationwide tour of dive bars, to see you, our beloved Wonkers! Frankly? For some of you it seemed like it might have come a little too easy. We are not talking about our $10s or $25s. We imagine you are decent middle-class and working-class folk eking out a modest living and charitably sending off some hard-won scratch. But you with your hundreds and couple-hundreds and so forth, if you could peel off a couple of Benjies as fast as you did, then you are MITT ROMNEY, and just lucky we haven’t come after you with (clean-burning) torches.

We will now be adding more ways to give, in addition to:

$1 — A hearty thank you email that isn’t even a form letter.

$10 — Stickers! Of that whip-kitten!

$25 — Stickers AND a chance to be one of 10 people who get to say where our Drinky Thing and Meetup will be. Seskatchewan? Saskatchewan? No. Not Saskatchewan.

 
Related video

$50 — We will send you a dick joke, via the Intertubes.

$100 – All that awesome tote bag shit we talked about yesterday.

$250 – Five blog posts on the topic of your choosing, whenever you say. Think of the havoc and misery! Hooray!

$500 – Endow a Blogging Chair, with your name at the bottom of all your chosen editor’s posts. (For this one, we will actually give half the money to your chosen editor, instead of keeping it all for smack and poolboys and smacking poolboys.) Your editor’s post will bear your insignia for three months.

$1000 – (Oh that is a lot of money!) Buy It Now. Get together with your compatriots from a certain township or village, pool your muneez, and send it to us, and we will show our ass up and throw you a party. No “chance” to win one for your city. Take out the guesswork, and the gamble. Buy your way into our hearts, because this is America, and you are WINNING.

You will all be seeing a post like this every evening until next Friday, because that is payday, and you will fork over your bread, man.

Next time, we will do some interpretive dance.





Now here at last are some pix from Detroit. We haven’t asked if people want to be identified, so they may identify themselves if they so choose!

hey guys, it's me, editrix, and some dude

This dude came from New Mexico

Here this one is sideways, to make it a proper Wonker picture post.

Also, you can almost see my butt.

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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289 comments

        1. Chichikovovich

          Hey, no joke – Saskatoon is one hell of a party town. Or at least it was when I worked on pipeline construction there one summer 30 years ago. Moose Jaw and Swift Current too. But nowhere else in Saskatchewan. Take it from someone who has lived it.

          1. anniegetyerfun

            My dad was born there, and that is where the majority of my family resides. Mind you, they are teetotalers, so visiting them is rarely any fun.

            ETA: Regina. They saw that EVERY chance they get.

          2. Chichikovovich

            Your family is from Saskatoon or Regina? Because spending time in Regina gave me a perfect sense of what death would be like, except that I was alive. But Saskatoon rocked.—

          3. anniegetyerfun

            Saskatoon. And Moosejaw. And Bigger. I've never been to Regina, but you would think that every Stooner was legally obliged to pronounce the name out loud every couple of minutes, just to watch the American relatives squirm.

          4. Chichikovovich

            Well, then you really wouldn't like to hear how my roughneck colleagues pronounced "Regina Ramada Inn".

            [Also, I believe it's "Biggar", but my high-school geography mojo is fading.]

          5. Spurning Beer

            My mom graduated from Moose Jaw Normal School almost 70 years ago.

            Normality is a relative thing, of course. In Saskatchewan, it's defined by a score of 10 or below on the Glasgow Coma Scale.

          6. Warpde

            My Mom was born and raised in Biggar.
            Then she came to her senses and moved to BC.
            "New York is big, but this is Biggar."

          7. flamingpdog

            Saskatoon rhymes with spitoon and Regina rhymes with vagina. Sounds like the start of a great limerick. But I'm still sober (at work *frowny face*), so I'll leave it to someone who is a better poet than I am**.

            **almost anyone

          8. Chet Kincaid

            Oh sure, everybody from Up There claims they "worked on the pipeline" or "greenhorned on a crab-boat" or "hauled a truck full of packaged goods to the Inuit on the ice roads"! And then the "Thing" ate your whole crew and assumed your foreman's identity, but you thought you burned him to death, and then he escaped as a dog. I'm sure you pull lots of chicks with those tall tales.

          9. Chichikovovich

            Sure, I've used all those. But the "I was an African American poet in Paris in the 90s" always works best.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Please do! Haven't seen you since the election, and now that you're so busy and stuff, you'll need the break.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Will also likely need a cardboard cutout of her to fondle, yes? For the photos? Since I'm assuming that this isn't going to feature any of our actual editors?

          1. emmelemm

            Although fondling her cardboard cut-out would be fun, I assume we can just Photoshop her in later.

          2. weejee

            We do have a 24" wide x whatever printer. Have to clean the jets, we don't use it so much, so much with electronic copies these days. Perhaps do a cutout of the whip kitten, with the face cut out so the attendees could put their face in the cut-out along with Rebecca masks?

        1. WABishop

          Yes, it's like Canada's version of The Wire, except for all the cussing and murdering and drug use. More of a comedy really. It was filmed entirely in Saskatchewan. Purchasing a copy on DVD will not just bring joy to your heart but is a valuable investment in your children's future.
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corner_gas

      1. banana_bread

        If I'd known you'd be at the Detroit thing, I totally would have made more than a half-assed effort to go. Because you're awesome.

    1. Barb

      Are you freaking serious? That's you? Yes, all of the people are lovely and I would be honored to drink with them. The first picture was the one that got scrolled back to twice.

        1. Barb

          No Chich, you would be blushing if you knew what I said aloud when I saw your picture.
          "Hello, salty goodness!"
          I was on the phone when I said it.

        2. Chet Kincaid

          But I was sure you were Neil Peart! Well, you still kinda could be. Did you noodle around on a bunch of pots and pans while reciting your rhyming philosophical poetry?

    2. Barb

      The lady in the sleeveless white shirt looks like someone I could be besties with for life.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Barb, you would have loved her. She and her hubbie were more adorable than two kittens wrapped in the arms of a mama cat on top of a laundry basket of fresh towels.

    3. Fare la Volpe

      You That guy is fuckton amounts of tall. What do they feed him in that math department?

        1. Chichikovovich

          I'm thinking that I should pony up $250 to get the "five posts on the topic of my choice" option. Because I can just tell that most of the Wonketteurs and Wontketteuses don't know how to prove the Omitting Types Theorem. Five posts should be just what it takes.

          1. not that Radio

            Hell, I bet they don't even know the recursion relation for the Associated Legendre Polynomials! Ha!

          1. Chichikovovich

            Well, women can wear heels and look elegant rather than dopey, so it balances out.

    1. Terry

      I have been to Wasilla more times than I like to recall. The only thing thrilling about it is that you are passing through it on your way to someplace more interesting.

          1. flamingpdog

            And a public library*, for all the readers at teh Wonkette!

            *Certain books unappreciated by the mayor may not be available.

  1. Mumbletypeg

    These pics, at last. Makes my liver lump go *bump* thinking of the swilling that was had.

    Just kidding. It warms my cackles. Viva las wonkaderas and -do[h!]'s~

  2. Toomush_Infer

    Rebecca, your butt and my imagination are awesome together!… I see the light….

  3. Mumbletypeg

    For my donation, can I have my dick joke written by Newell? And if this partiality-preference disappoints or incenses editors other than Newell — can I have a spanking for my impudence.

  4. Gopherit

    This post is either shooting for amusing irony, or you really don't know your demographic.

  5. Chill_Bill

    I live in Houston, but I wouldn't dare asking you to come here. Hell, just skip Texas all together! I will donate still (even though money is tight and baby#2 is on the way), cause I'm happy to buy my fellow Wonketteers a drink. Thanks for keeping me from going insane during my work hours.

    (There, that's probably the longest comment I've ever written.)

    1. fartknocker

      Come on Chill. Some of my best times are at the Alabama Ice House. Sit outside, drink cold beer, watch pretty women – what's not to like?

    2. sharethegrief

      I lived in the Montrose/Westheimer area many years ago, across the street from a bar that catered to cross-dressers. We'd sit on the porch and watch the men go by in their high heels and dresses. Good entertainment if you could stand the humidity.

    3. flamingpdog

      Mebbe Chich can do the Vulcan mind meld on ya and we can get a mid-length comment here.

        1. chascates

          I thought about trying to rent a place away from 6th Street, South Congress, and UT and getting kegs, several handles of booze and mixers. I hang with some people who have huge BBQ rigs on trailers.

          1. scvirginia

            Pastured pork?

            I lived in Austin many years back while working at a bookstore/newsstand on Congress Ave. Loved Austin, but wasn't able to stay long.

          2. chascates

            Possibly. We raise pork on our farm as does our neighbor. If not ours it would be from Niman Ranch. Was your job north of the river (Congress Avenue Booksellers?

          3. scvirginia

            Yep- worked at CAB. I believe that it is no longer extant, but that wasn't me- it was still a going concern when I left…

          4. chascates

            Unfortunately it and so many other small, independent bookshops closed. We've had a couple of places with outstanding periodicals shut down, even though they were close to the university. I've spent several thousand dollars with Amazon but it's really the bibliophile equivalent of Walmart. I buy most books used, even from Amazon, but many from Austin's Half Price Books. *sigh*
            So many books, such a short lifetime.

          5. scvirginia

            I can relate to your plight after more than a decade working for Indies. All gone now, or I'd probably still be at it. Now I am trying to sell off some of my books since I'm planning to move to a smaller space soon- tricky!

    4. Redgyal

      Chilly billy, darling, Houston is not that bad. I say if the Wonkette can come then it shall. But I vote for downtown.

  6. Geminisunmars

    I am so into the guy with the brown and white cowboy shirt and matching hat. Will you be my best friend and/or lover? Pen pal? Wonkadoodle?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      You can't see it in the shot, but he was wearing his official Don't Teabag On Me shirt. He was so fun.

  7. Lucidamente1

    I've said it before, I'll say it again: Ken Layne used to send us a box of used dildos every other month. For free.

    1. Gopherit

      Too bad it's so banal…..and would probably bring the ban hammer….but I half expected a rain of "Show us yer TITS!" comments in response to this. This is not your grandma's wonkette anymore.

  8. barto

    Seskatchewan. Home of Tommy Douglas and single-payer health care! Both dead to us now, we reckon.

  9. GregComlish

    Ha! Mittens basically just endorsed Obama's immigration executive order because he is such a desperate panderer. Right now the "base" is going apeshit about what a fucking "RINO" Romney is, which is hilarious from pretty much every angle you can think of. This is especially true after the base's massive effort to delude themselves into thinking that Romney was their White Knight against Obama. Better luck next time pendejos!

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I think the problem is that Mitt doesn't really hate brown or black people. Like chocolate donuts, he really doesn't know what to do with them. He loves money. And that's about as far as his software is willing to take things.

      1. flamingpdog

        I think he knows quite what to do with them. He'd probably have to sell most of his houses without them to handle the upkeep.

      2. BlueStateLibel

        I see your point. White people, brown people or black people …he gets the same great feeling when he fires them or destroys their company. He's an equal-opportunity soul destroyer.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Oh, I'm sure he feels worse for white people than for brown people, but really, I think it's less abject hatred (like Teatards) and more that he's just so unfamiliar with the idea of anything but a pale pink exterior.

      3. scvirginia

        So what you're saying is that he isn't so much a RINO as a HINO? I can go with that assessment.

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      It's been fun to watch Obama play the GOP like a fiddle. Whenever he speaks about any issue (gay marriage, immigration, etc.), the Republican Party takes the bait & shows its true colors.
      It must really suck to be a member of the GOP base now. They've just had to settle for a candidate who they think is too liberal to begin with.

      EDIT: Did I mix metaphors? Oh, who the fuck cares?! I still have some beers that need to get drunk.

  10. rocktonsam

    this is starting to remind of every time The Eagles toured.

    I have begun collecting pop bottles in the neighborhood to save up for that dick joke.

          1. not that Radio

            I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat…

          2. not that Radio

            Just kidding. I'll be glad when we're all back together. I envision us lifting him up on our shoulders and carrying him around the room while singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow".

  11. shortsandpants

    Luckily every donation from every e-mail is coming from me, so there will be no issue as to where Wonkette will party.

  12. M. Szyslak

    Should come to Tucson for Venom Fest, or Heat Stroke Days (right now), or the Nazi Mormon Roundup, or the Non-Denominational Snake Handling Holy Month. Alright, I made up that last one, but we got shit to do here.

    1. finallyhappy

      I think it was WV- but maybe VA- just had a snake handling preacher die from snake bite. The Post did a story on his cult and then on his death

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I sort of want to drag my family there, just to see if they deport half of us for being brown (I would obviously be safe).

        1. Barb

          Sarah Palin is in Vegas tonight. I'll donate $5,000.00 to you if you hit her with a tomato tonight.

          1. Neoyorquino

            Michelle Malkin and Jonah Goldberg will be there too, apparently. Dammit. I knew I should have stocked up at the farmer's market this morning.

          2. Butch_Wagstaff

            Urgh:

            Las Vegas, Nevada (CNN) – What happens in Vegas will not stay there this weekend as legions of Internet-savvy conservatives, including Sarah Palin, plot and share strategies for better competing with liberals in the digital sphere.

            The former Alaska governor is just one of many to attend the fifth annual RightOnline conference in Las Vegas. The gathering will feature brand-name conservative figures rallying the masses and Internet activists hoping to maximize their political efforts on social media like Twitter and Facebook. Some attendees will learn how to use Twitter and Facebook for the first time.

          3. Butch_Wagstaff

            If I ever won the Megamillions Sucker Bet, the first trip I'd take would be to Las Vegas.
            I'm not into gambling at all. I'd just go there for the magic shows (especially Penn & Teller) & probably go see Frank Marino.

          4. Beowoof

            She will be at the Bunny Ranch looking for work for Bristol after the latest reality show fails. It is one thing she can do.

          5. not that Radio

            legions of Internet-savvy conservatives…will learn how to use Twitter and Facebook for the first time.

            How could this plan possibly fail?

  13. rickmaci

    I'm in love with the chick who has her head in the toilet bowl. Will she be coming to one of the parties? $500 to meet my next ex seems cheaper than an eHarmony date.

  14. Monsieur_Grumpe

    You mean if I give $250 I can write 5 blogs about canned pork brains?
    *Swoon*

    I still want Wonkette underwear…
    Boxers, thongs bikini, it's all good.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      I can set you up, I've made some girly-undies from Tshirts & can make more from my wonk-tee stash. Have you a lady in your life of Small-Medium measure or shall I mind my business and assume you want them for love of wonkette in general?

        1. Mumbletypeg

          Indeed, the size-XS tee shirts I got from the bottom of the wonk haberdasher-barrel would only fit the physique of a flabulous cat of your description.

  15. SheriffRoscoe

    I know Wonket will eventually find it's way here to San Fran, thanks to our prolific butt fucking.

      1. emmelemm

        While your avatar was temporarily missing, I realized how much I missed tiny Mr. Furley on my Wonkets!

          1. emmelemm

            I know! He (or she) writes funny comments, and then I picture them being said by Mr. Furley, and they're even funnier.

          2. Crank_Tango

            Aw shucks, now I think I am going to start having Mr Furley as the voice of my internal monologue…

            Also, a he : )

          3. Butch_Wagstaff

            I have such a fondness for Don Knotts. I still think he doesn't get enough props for his comedic acting.
            Yeah, I know he's dead & won 5 Emmys but still…

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I'm sort of amazed that they haven't set up headquarters there, come to think of it.

      Heh. "headquarters"

  16. redarmybarbie

    One Dollar!?! I thought we could get an abortion for a Dollar? Down at the Abortionplex!

      1. flamingpdog

        Every time someone says they gave money, you pop up with a thank you, Barb. Are you getting a cut of the take, or are you just even sweeter than I ever imagined?

  17. CivicHoliday

    This begging for large sums of cash in order to have more of a voice in the World of Wonkette thing is kinda freaking me out. Have you guys all just excepted the new world order post Citizens United? Does that mean those of us stuck eating hobo beans will have our p-ness summarily stripped away and be prohibited from replying to any commenters in the $100+ contribution block?

    1. commiegirl99

      There is only IBM, and ITT, and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. We have chosen Wonkette to preach our evangel.

    1. flamingpdog

      Shouldn't you be writing a womanifesto? Or a womanifisto?? *runs off to men's room*

    2. anniegetyerfun

      It's pretty much just motorboating, right? I mean, how we should all do it a lot? We can probably summarize, is my point.

  18. Not_So_Much

    Salt Lake City is within driving distance for me. Plus, it would freak the locals right the fuck out.

  19. emmelemm

    Wait! I'm unclear on this 5 Blog Posts prize. We get to choose the topics of 5 blog posts, as in, please write about [I don't know what but something weird and cool], and you do it, or we have to write the 5 blog posts OURSELVES? Cuz that's like, work.

      1. emmelemm

        See, now that's a bargain!

        Some people seem to think they get to WRITE the 5 blog posts.

          1. emmelemm

            Who wants to write 5 blog posts? Much more fun to snap your fingers and say, "Write me a blog post about octopi mating!", or… you know… whatever.

      2. Chichikovovich

        Ah, so you'll write the five posts on the Omitting Types Theorem! Even better.

        [Addendum: I always felt that Mattel missed an opportunity when there was that Barbie "Math is hard!" kerfloffle. They should have just added a continuation: "Math is hard! It took me all weekend to finish the problem set on the Stone - Čech compactification."]

      3. banana_bread

        Even if it's about skullfucking and/or the mentally disabled?

        I AM KIDDING, I WOULD NEVER SUGGEST SUCH A TERRIBLE IDEA

  20. Blueb4sunrise

    Might be able to get some nickels and dimes together, depending on how well the fapping to all the hawtness goes.
    .
    .
    .
    Probably shoulda copied and rotated them. Neck hurts.

  21. flamingpdog

    our beloved Wonkers

    I'm sorry, but I still prefer Wonketeers. Can we have a poll to see which we prefer, or is our Editrix an omnipotent dicktater like Preznit O"Bomba?

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm leanin' toward "Wonkers" now because it involves less typing for these tired & fat fingers.

    2. Veritas78

      Rebecca promised me it would be my choice of Wonquistas, Wonketterae, Won Kae, Wonkecytes, or Wonkezoa. $100 went a long way in the first round!

      (One of these infests the digestive tract of its host and slowly transumes its DNA — not sure which. In any case, that sounded better than the tote-bag.)

      She also promised that PayPal would double my pee-ness, which apparently is a new "growth-market" for them.

  22. BlueStateLibel

    We need to start some some of conservative PAC thing to finance these drink tours – how about "Citizens for a Brave America." Make up some wingnut crap for it, and get all the wingnut billionaires to donate to it. Problem solved and I'm sure it's perfectly legal.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      That's actually a fucking brilliant idea.

      Citizens United Never Trust Socialists

    2. Designer_Radio

      First rule of Citizens for a Brave America: You do NOT talk about Citizens for a Brave America. Second rule of Citizens for a Brave America: You do NOT talk about Citizens for a Brave America.

  23. flamingpdog

    "You will all be seeing a post like this every evening until next Friday, because that is payday, and you will fork over your bread, man."

    Is it just coincidental that "every evening" is when we're all drunk and pliant?

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I think our Editrix is counting on something similar to Drunk-Buying-Shit-Off-Of-Ebay.

  24. anniegetyerfun

    That is actually some very dignified retching going on there. If it was me, no one would be holding my hair, and I'm pretty sure that my dress would have ridden up, and I'd be sobbing. And I'd probably miss the toilet, too.

    1. flamingpdog

      And the floor and the tub and the toilet are all Mr. Clean clean. I think that photo was stolen from a promotional ad for indoor scuba diving.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        And vomit girl still has both her heels on.
        You're haven't really partied unless you lose a heel or part of your clothing.
        And if you lose all your clothing? You have truly PAR-TAYED!

        1. MittBorg

          Jesus! Remember when you'd stagger home at some ungodly hour, and find a lump in your pocket and it was yer UNDERWEAR?

          Or, worse yet, when you ran into someone you thought you might know, and he handed you an envelope with your underroos in it and asked if they were yours.

    2. Gunner Asch

      And that is one reason I prefer the hallucinogens. (Except peyote, which leads to the same scene as above. At least the only time I ever did peyote I was 3 days walk from a road in the Yosemite backcountry.)

    3. MilwaukeeKent

      I work with ICD9 codes in medical billing, and the code for "vomiting alone" (i.e., without nausea) is 787.03…(sob!) "not even a friend to hold your hair!". The woman in the pic at least has a friend to hold her hair. The only other joke is equally lame, "Not tonight, dear, I have a 784.0".

      Anyway, will try to send something resembling money at some point, there's a old Monopoly game around the house somewhere…

      1. thebeatgoeson

        I love looking through the ICD9 code book to find gems like moron 317 and Idiot, idiocy (congenital) 318.2. Can we use the codes here in place of the "forbidden R word"? And how about we use 302.81 for that forbidden activity involving a cranium?!

  25. banana_bread

    Okay, Chicagoans, let's get on this $1000 train.

    But wait, if I meet y'all in person, you'll find out that I'm really fat :(

    1. MittBorg

      And we slender, young sylphs will shudder and turn away.

      We're all fat. Or old. Or fucked up in some way. I'm so fucked up I never even leave my house. So go, get your pitcher taken, and let me enjoy it vicariously, OK?

  26. chascates

    So who drank what at this shindig? Good, artisan beer? Small batch bourbon? Well made cocktails (gin)?

  27. OldRedneck

    At 0200, wearing a skin-tight zebra-striped party dress with your head in the toilet!!!

    DAMN but I wish I were young again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  28. flamingpdog

    If we party in Colorado Springs, we can all get drunk and go throw up on Doug Lamborn's front porch. Also, it's a major military town, so, LOTS of titty bars!

  29. Butch_Wagstaff

    "$250 – Five blog posts on the topic of your choosing, whenever you say. Think of the havoc and misery! Hooray!"

    Sorry to say, but I have got to save that $250 to pay the 'lectric bill because summer's here & I fuckin' hate tryin' to go to sleep when it's 75 degrees in middle of night.
    Still, if I could spare the dough, I'd make it really easy on the Wonker posters. There'd only be one subject in all 5 posts.
    The subject? Butt sex.

    Obviously, these would be weekend posts.

  30. finallyhappy

    I'm not sure what a whip kitten is- probably I don't want the stickers- but I sent $10. It is money I made by answering on line surveys(really)

    1. Fare la Volpe

      See the new Wonkette girl logo on the top? The one that looks like Michelle Pfeiffer and Julie Newmar had a love child? That whip kitten.

      Fun fact: it's actually a photo of our Editrix.

    2. Monsieur_Grumpe

      I figured I could give the stickers to the grand kids.
      I'm a bad grandfather who happily married into the position.

  31. fuflans

    well i forgot to send you $$$ the other night.

    BUT!! while i am newly (again) a member of the earnest hard-working job-having middle class, i just spent 1500 clams on my cat and a couple hundred on my fucking computer (FUCKING AGAIN FUCKING LENOVO/IBM WHATEVER) and $10 on some homeless guy outside cvs evanston and also i am looking at about a grand on the car repairs i've put off while i was gainfully unemployed as a full time actor.

    so.

    i don't think i can do the 2500K level.

    but i am going to give you money now and won't you please come to chicago?

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      "i just spent 1500 clams on my cat "

      Those little buggers do hoover up the cocaine like nobody's business. Can't trust 'em.

      Seriously though, good for you.

    2. Chichikovovich

      i am newly (again) a member of the earnest hard-working job-having middle class
      I hadn't heard this great news. Congratulations!

    3. MittBorg

      Congratulations on the new job, and on your doing the right thing by the kitteh. I sometimes think mine oughta be gold-plated, as much as they've cost me, the little bastids.

  32. Spurning Beer

    A real pledge drive needs endless dreck like Doo-Wop Reunion specials with boxed DVD sets as a thank-you gift for donations at the $250 level. A week or two of that and we'll pay anything to get back our usual fare of dick jokes and ass fucking references.

    Incidentally, I just heard that the Car Talk guys are retiring. Maybe 'Becca can sign them on as columnists for the streaming version of Wonkette.

    1. chascates

      What I hate about PBS pledge drives are the rockers I used to love AS THEY APPEAR NOW! I don't want to see what happens to people I idolized once time, gravity, and mileage takes its toll. Hell, I don't like looking at myself in the mirror!

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        A few years ago, during a pledge drive, the PBS affiliate here showed a concert film of The Clash. Goddamnit, that made me feel old.

        It was still better than those Celtic "singers" lip-syncing to "My Heart Will Go On."

  33. James Michael Curley

    If I ever get to one of these events I am certain I will be surprised at the incorrect assumptions I have made on some of your genders.

      1. Barb

        I'm a woman, trust me. Otherwise, the hospital just screwed me over when they yanked my junk out.

  34. GorzoTheMighty

    Personally I am withholding my $1 for the interpretive dancing, which I believe is a lap dance with a happy ending, if you know what I mean, I think you do.

  35. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My five blog posts (It should only take me about five years to save $250):
    1. Doomsday (zombie apocalypse) preparation
    2. The art of cheesemaking
    3. A dissertation on why Belgium is the root of all evil
    4. An essay of the finer points of motorboating
    5. Skullf*cking for Dummies.

  36. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Pledge drive, eh?

    I'll give some more when I get paid. As long as that reprobate MittBorg doesn't get any of it.

  37. Fuck Toad

    Hmm, let's see. I definitely need to have a Wonkette post along the lines of "Rotund Computer Nerds With Glasses And A Bit Of A Lisp: America's Most Desired Sex Icons". This is compelling.

  38. owhatever

    It is good to see you are transporting yourselves closer. Please to invite to my hometown in Lagos, Nigeria, whence my fortune is located. The 2,000 US dollars you have gathered is sufficient to downpay on my lawyers, who promise immediately action. But we need the money wired urgently. You can send more later. you are wonderful amd will soon be very rich.

  39. Madam Killjoy

    I can't possibly be the only Wonketeer Drinky Person in the Greater Little Reed Covered Waterhole Lodge or Whatever Area… FDR's home county who didn't even vote for him… Sin City represent!!
    **crickets**
    Thought as much… But surely we can haz party in NYC and I can just hop on a south-bound train?

  40. thefrontpage

    Who is the girl in red in the picture? She's hot! I think I slept with her once. Or twice. I don't know the other girl.

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