Well you little sweetling lover liver lumps! You have already sent almost $2000 for beer and shit for our nationwide tour of dive bars, to see you, our beloved Wonkers! Frankly? For some of you it seemed like it might have come a little too easy. We are not talking about our $10s or $25s. We imagine you are decent middle-class and working-class folk eking out a modest living and charitably sending off some hard-won scratch. But you with your hundreds and couple-hundreds and so forth, if you could peel off a couple of Benjies as fast as you did, then you are MITT ROMNEY, and just lucky we haven’t come after you with (clean-burning) torches.
We will now be adding more ways to give, in addition to:
$1 — A hearty thank you email that isn’t even a form letter.
$10 — Stickers! Of that whip-kitten!
$25 — Stickers AND a chance to be one of 10 people who get to say where our Drinky Thing and Meetup will be.
Seskatchewan? Saskatchewan? No. Not Saskatchewan.
$50 — We will send you a dick joke, via the Intertubes.
$100 — All that awesome tote bag shit we talked about yesterday.
$250 — Five blog posts on the topic of your choosing, whenever you say. Think of the havoc and misery! Hooray!
$500 — Endow a Blogging Chair, with your name at the bottom of all your chosen editor’s posts. (For this one, we will actually give half the money to your chosen editor, instead of keeping it all for smack and poolboys and smacking poolboys.) Your editor’s post will bear your insignia for three months.
$1000 — (Oh that is a lot of money!) Buy It Now. Get together with your compatriots from a certain township or village, pool your muneez, and send it to us, and we will show our ass up and throw you a party. No “chance” to win one for your city. Take out the guesswork, and the gamble. Buy your way into our hearts, because this is America, and you are WINNING.
You will all be seeing a post like this every evening until next Friday, because that is payday, and you will fork over your bread, man.
Next time, we will do some interpretive dance.
Now here at last are some pix from Detroit. We haven’t asked if people want to be identified, so they may identify themselves if they so choose!
Also, you can almost see my butt.