Hero Michigan Rep. Frank Foster Identifies Appropriate Words For Lady Parts

  a representative and a gentleman

anger managementMembers of the Michigan legislature are expected to behave in a manner that is becoming, not only of the dignity and responsibility of their high office, but of the people they represent.

That’s why the Honorable Frank Foster, member of the Michigan House of Representatives, did the only gentlemanly thing possible when Michigan Nurses Association staffer Julia Smith-Heck wouldn’t stop mowing her lawn while Foster was a guest in Smith-Heck’s neighborhood last month: he called her a cunt. As a matter of fact, Foster shouted “you’re a cunt” from across the street.

Like a gentleman!

It just so happens that Foster and Smith-Heck have divergent viewpoints on collective bargaining. But that’s just a coincidence and probably has nothing to do with Foster’s shouty, vulgar outburst. It really was about someone intolerably mowing their own lawn.

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And that’s a lesson for those temper-tantrum throwing, unstable, probably mensey, lady Representatives Barb Byrum and Lisa Brown.

If you dames can’t refer to your lady parts by appropriate euphemisms (i.e. cunt) instead of the highly-offensive anatomically correct terms like vaginas, then you should just shut your traps. [Eclectablog]

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About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

View all articles by Jeff Wattrick

Hola wonkerados.

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198 comments

    1. redarmybarbie

      You're right; he does remind me of a smegma-coated dipstick.

      EDIT: DAMMIT!!! Can't I have ONE original joke here, people!
      (jokin, jokin; this is what I get for not reading ahead…)

    1. MittBorg

      The lady person whom he graced with this epithet (I personally LIKE the word, and as far as I'm concerned it's an honest old English word, and there's nothing derogatory about it, but I know this schmuck doesn't agree with me) is actually contacting the Michigan Speaker of the House — yes, the dude who gaveled two women Reps into silence for using the foul word "vagina" — to demand an apology from this schmuck. Will she be surprised when he calls her a cunt, too?

      1. Rotundo_

        I noticed that *after* I noticed that he appears to have a proceeding hairline. Judging by the point on that, he should be down to eye level in a couple of years. AHOOOOO! Werewolves of the U.P. AHOOOO!!!

        I wouldn't want to meet his tailor.

          1. MittBorg

            You're always welcome, my dear. Let me know if a bowl of virtual chicken soup is also needed. I'd be happy to give you a real fresh homemade one, but I don't think you live nearby.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      The ONLY decent people I have met with greasy, slicked-back hair have been gear-heads. At least they have excuses for hair like that.

    1. dancesw_cougars

      This Frank Foster guy, Rand Paul, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Sean Hannity, Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh – I can't think of a single woman who is a bigger cunt than any one of these guys.

  1. DaSandman

    Funny, that bitch looks like the kind of repressed freak who would have gone with "gash"

    1. ibwilliamsi

      The sound of "Gash" doesn't carry as well across the street and over the sound of a lawnmower. "Cunt" is the appropriate word in that case. "Gash" or "slit" can be used in the Senate Chamber where there's better acoustics.

  2. jakegittes

    The wimmin in Michigan oughta take a cue from Igor Stetkeywecz and just shut their traps, pie-holes and their c**nts, too. Also.

    1. MittBorg

      If you ask me, Igor has no worries in that department, because he has never done it with a LayDee. Cows, horses, dogs, pigs, sheep, maybe, but LayDeez, never.

    1. tessiee

      When the page was loading, his picture was visible to me before the story itself, and I thought, "He's a bland-looking person", sort of like instant mashed potatoes. I'm still surprised when these generic, Dilbert-looking twats turn out to be assholes. I don't know why.

  3. Local_Mojo

    Well, I like cunts a lot. People often wish me well by saying: "Get fucked!" Maybe he didn't realize that it can be considered a derogatory term.

    1. MittBorg

      Me too. How could it possibly be insulting to call someone a name that refers to a warm, moist, heavenly, tasty, lickable … brb.

  4. Barb

    And he did it in front of a 3 or 4 year-old boy. Teach 'em young, Frank!
    The Michigan Nurses Association, demanding an apology is linked to his Wikipedia page.

    1. mnotrtoo

      "When reached at home Rep. Frank Foster, or as he is more affectionately known, 'F.U. Foster', said, "I did not use that derogatory slang "C" word referring to part of the female anatomy that starts with a 'V'. I was only telling her, 'Its Frank Luntz that is helping us sell the 'Protect Our Jobs' Act, you ignorant twat!'. Then as I walked back to the neighbor's house with the 3 year old boy I informed him, 'Prince Fielder cannot f*cking bunt, you little prick! Now, Eddie Gaedel, that runt just stood there like a candyass piece of shit holding that bat without so much as a grunt. Now get the f*ck home to your mom, little shit. I gotta go feed my autistic kid who lives in the f*cking basement digging tunnels around the f*cking neighborhood."

      1. tessiee

        Wait, so *which* one was the guy who caught the ball like he was buying a newspaper at the corner store?

    2. tessiee

      And he did it in front of a 3 or 4 year-old boy."

      Thank God.
      It's important to teach all kids that Mommy is a stupid bitch, but *especially* boys; otherwise they might grow up into pansies instead of wife-beaters.

  5. badgitator

    Well, I am *so* sure that Mr. Foster will likewise be subject to an indefinite speaking ban just like that mean old 'vagina' lady.

  6. NorthStarSpanx

    Wasn't the Michigan House Floor where they gagged a female lawmaker for saying "Vagina?"

    Vaginal probes and cunt are certainly a more respectable and preferable use of verbiage when it comes to matters and concerns of half the population.

    1. MittBorg

      Yup. And the Speaker of the House, the dude who gaveled those two female Reps into silence and banned them, is the same dude who this nice LayDee is requesting ask this asshole up here for an apology. Chances are he'll call her a dumb cunt himself.

  7. Arken

    The article linked says that his official bio mentions nothing about him having any children, then he goes and produces one and claims the kid is autistic… what the hell?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      I really think there's some RNC service out there that finds photogenic, Lifetime-original-movie-disabled children that are perfect to wave in front of a camera when you get caught looking like a dick.

    2. tessiee

      He had to go down the basement and get him make his wife go down the basement and fetch him.

      1. MittBorg

        Neither. Autistic people are less likely to indulge in casual swearing than most, and the kid would've been freaked by the whole encounter if he *was* autistic. I suspect this asshole just borrowed the lady and kid from the house he was visiting.

        Of course, by even replying to a comment that was a casual snark, I have now revealed *myself* to be on the spectrum, but hey, you probly guessed that already.

    3. NYNYNYjr

      So no mention of kids officially, sounds like that other politician, from Staten Island who kept a secret other family in Virginia? Maybe? Also, Chase? Is that a name a person who really give a child? Unlikely. I wish Rep. Brown had used the word cunt instead of vagina in the House. That would have rocked.

      1. Arken

        There's a football player named Chase something. I don't know much about football, but I thought his name was fitting for his job.

  8. calliecallie

    Michigan has one of the highest-paid, full-time state legislatures in the country, along with the strictest term limits in the country. You can see the kind of quality folk that are attracted to the job.

    And for two years they have stood in the way of a big international bridge project that the Governor is finally moving forward on – without them! Most of these state legislators are not only rude, stupid and misogynistic, they are now irrelevant.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      That's the bridge that Canada has offered to pay for in full, but is being blocked by a super rich dick who wants to get the exclusive contract for the construction. My Detroit-born friend says this guy intentionally shut down the Detroit rail just to decrease property values and to "show people how awful Detroit really is."

      1. not that Radio

        Does he also stab people with knives in order to "show them how awful open wounds really are"?

          1. sullivanst

            Uh, yeah, uh, no, uh, y'know, I was just saying how… uh… y'know… how I could imagine that his neighbors might sometimes think something like that. Yeah, that was it. Y'know, because freedom.

          2. OhNoGuy

            Change "stab" to "shoot" and I think you're standing your ground with your Second Amendment RIghts. Can a Constitional expert confirm this?

  9. Hera Sent Me

    You should know it won't end well if you use foul language when talking to a person whose very surname contains a euphemism.

  10. mavenmaven

    Well, if it were Texas he would have driven across the street with a gun yelling "I am standing my ground" and killed everyone, so there's some consolation there for Michigan.

    1. TexasFemale

      Actually, if Foster had done that in Texas gentlemen from the neighborhood would have "convinced" him to apologize to the lady and probably seen to it that he finished cutting her lawn.

  11. sati_demise

    I hear yelling this word means you have a tiny, tiny- teeny tiny- dick.

    Is this true? Cunt envy?

  12. not that Radio

    Frank Foster's website has a form where he invites us to "send someone a Certificate of Recognition", which will presumably be awarded by the Legislature.. There's no reason why we couldn't recommend Frank Foster for a Certificate of Recognition, for being such a cunt. Warblog?

    1. Hera Sent Me

      I took your most excellent suggestion:

      "I'd like Frank Foster to be recognized for being a liar (his bio says he has no children, he told Julia Smith-Heck he has a son) and for being a misogynist cunt."

      For my address, I used the Michigan GOP HQ.

      1. MittBorg

        Thank you so much for sharing! She's all Growed Up! Her last pictures were so babyfaced and rounded, and now she looks like a Big Girl!I tweeted Frank Foster into the Twitterverse (using his Web site link from your post). He might be hearing from some not-so-nice nursey ladies soon.

  13. boobookitteh

    What's that saying? Don't piss off nurses because we choose the size of the needles and catheters we stick in you?

    I think that's it.

      1. boobookitteh

        You better be. I have a #28 French with your name on it.

        /the nurses will get that.

  14. LetUsBray

    You know the old saying, "You have a point – but if you comb your hair just right no one will notice"? Well, this smarmy-faced pimple-dick has evidently chosen to coif up his hair to accentuate it.

    1. tessiee

      I could almost guarantee that by next year, he'll have that Gerber Baby-looking fauxhawk that all the trendy young fellas are rocking, and he'll look insufferably smug about *that*, too.

  15. sullivanst

    Sounds like someone else who "don't take no orders from no woman"

    At least, not until his mom gets home.

  16. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I hope they didn't have a hot tub at their little get together. Think of the oil slick this guy would have left.

    1. tessiee

      Ohhhhh, I think the oil slick is the *least* of the things that guy would leave in a hot tub.

  17. flamingpdog

    Guy probably knows something about cunts. Looks like he uses KY Jelly for hair styling gel.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Tappa Kegga Bru.

      He seems like the type who would knock back a few too many, before going out with the kid.

  18. Harry_S_Truman

    I have GOT to move out of this state. It's gone from a fairly liberal place to Michissippi.

      1. Negropolis

        Which is funny, because it's an unusually liberal city, not just for Michigan put in the country, at large. This city was one of the first to basically decriminalize use of marijuana (1970), elected the first Muslim in Michigan (1979) to their city council, the first city in the state to pass a living wage ordinance in the 90's, and one of the few cities in the state in the 90's to pass a human rights ordinance.

        I've seen a lot of people ragging on the state, but I'd like to reiterate that apart from very recently, while Michigan may have it's fair share of bigots and general ne'er-do-wells, these folks are have generally not been awarded with power because of their views, whereas entire political parties in some states aren't afraid to run on their bigotry. If they get into power, here, it's generally been through deception or in individual districts.

  19. CrunchyKnee

    He shouted cunt from across the street, then hid in the back yard and had another light beer like a "real" man. What a douchenozzle.

  20. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I've been watching a lot of British TV lately and it's all cunt this and cunt that. Cunt cunt cunt. They've even turned it into an adjective. Perhaps Mr. Foster has been watching too much BBC? Oh wait, I just looked at his picture. No, he's just an insufferable doucheface.

  21. Beowoof

    Well now that is one tough hombre there. I am pretty sure he is not getting any so he has to yell at women he disagrees with. Which based on his behavior would be pretty much all of them.

  22. Goonemeritus

    Did she feel threatened did she inform the august Representative to back off and that she was armed with a lawn mower. Because this confrontation could have ended with a good mulching.

  23. tessiee

    I thought we'd settled this with my somewhat oversharing post after my doctor checkup. the correct term is:
    The Vault.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      You really are asking for a long series of tasteless jokes, Tess. Don't get us started…

  24. Ryy

    I always thought "cunt" sounded like a vegetable: "Go get some celery, eggplant and 1/2 a cunt".

  25. rickmaci

    Common denominator among the Republigoons, especially the male ones, is they all feel morally superior to everyone and yet they are, to a person, among the dumbest assholes on earth.

    1. MittBorg

      It's not even so much that they're dumb. Stupid people can't help being stupid.

      It's that they're morally rancid doucheholes.

  26. owhatever

    What's that, Frank? You like to hunt? Good for you. What? Sorry, can't hear you. My lawnmower is too loud. Toodle-oo, See you in church.

  27. tessiee

    Wait…
    Is this the same Frank Foster who was going around raping all the neighborhood dogs?

  28. flamingpdog

    OT, but on teh Wonkette Facebook page, out editrix has posted:

    "Oh hi I am having a moving sale, 1162 S. Highland Ave,. LA. Come buy all my stuff!

    Love,
    Becca"

    Hope you're not planning on skipping the country with all of last night's contributions, Commie Girl.

  29. Angry_Marmot

    I never thought of myself as a eugenicist, but if people stopped having sex with people like Frank, they'd be gone in a generation or two.

      1. MittBorg

        Oh god, Buck v. Bell? Our esteemed Chief Justice. And it turned out she was just a poor woman, ignorant and uneducated, that's all. Fuck these people.

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          My mother had her first "breakdown" when she was teenager. She got shipped off to the state loony bin in Marion for a few months. I don't know how she avoided being forcibly sterilized but I do know she came close to having it done to her.
          Our wonderful Commonwealth kept up the practice until 1979.
          19-fuckin'79!!
          The state didn't issue an apology for it until 2002 under then-guv Mark Warner.

          1. MittBorg

            ZOMG. (hugs Butch) I'm so glad she escaped, or we wouldn't have you to delight our days, m'dear.

            It's simply disgusting how much the powerful abuse the powerless whenever they can. And the powerless succumb like sheep.

    1. flamingpdog

      Everybody makes such a big deal about cists. Rush Limbaugh's anal cist, Eugenie's cist …

      Luv the new avatar!

  30. JustPixelz

    The correct response from Ms Smith-Heck is "I'm made of rubber, you're made of shit. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Also you're made of shit."

  31. Designer_Radio

    Hi Jeff, welcome!

    Now please learn about "Title Text"-ing your blog images.

    Possible options for this image?
    -See You Next Tuesday?
    -Slicked Back Cunt?
    -Douche-y Cunt?
    -CUNT?

        1. MittBorg

          Oh, absolutely, dood. The plethora of fucking fucketty fuckfaces available to us all through the kind offices of the internets is soon going to require keyboard makers to ship extra "f" keys with all keyboards.

  32. MittBorg

    The Wife once got into an argument with a nasty man who informed her at the end of it that "Lady, if you were a man, I'd hit you." This with his wife and child standing by screaming at him to quit it.

    The Wife, who is the indisputable Mistress of the Laser Glare, turned both barrels on him, and replied, "If you were a man, you wouldn't need to."

    I wish I could watch her mop the floor with this dick.

  33. ttommyunger

    The picture of vapid smugness, practically surpassing Eric Cantor levels. Truly a face made for punching.

  34. TexasFemale

    Michigan actually has laws against public profanity in the earshot of minors (young child was present.) I guess if he had called her a vagina he'd be facing a big-ass fine about now.

Comments are closed.