He's actually playing forest nymph Robin Hood, we hear.

The spring season of political sex scandals, like the presidential campaigns, like the bland and uninspired bickering of Congress, like the campaign ads’ lack of demon sheep, masturbating witches and Basil Marceaux, are so boring that we are sharing this tale of a dim Oregon GOP lawmaker who had consensual, heterosexual sex with his staffer: “A former aide to Deputy House Republican Leader Matt Wingard (R-Wilsonville) has accused him of giving her alcohol when she was underage, pressuring her to have sex, and keeping her on the public payroll after she ended the relationship with him and stopped reporting for work.” In reality this still sounds pretty bad, but your Wonkette was not sold until we came across the above picture of Wingard wearing a silly hat to work. This is how actual editorial processes work in professional newsrooms. (News editor: “Eh, kill the story unless there are good pictures.” Chief photo editor/intern slave: “We have one of the guy fellating a corn dog.” News editor: “Great, I’ll put a reporter on it.”) This makes it a good enough process for your Wonkette. Anyhow, Wingard has now resigned his leadership post in shame. Hooray!

None of our above commentary-rant is to detract from the fine muckracking done by Portland’s Willamette Week in its story on Wingard, however:

According to the DOJ report, the woman says Wingard gave a speech at the party, and later “the two had a conversation wherein she jokingly stated he should hire her.”

Wingard did hire her in early 2010. Not long after, at the age of 20, she attended the Dorchester Conference, the annual GOP gathering in Seaside. She told a Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office investigator Wingard gave her beer and “was persistent that she drink the beer.” She said she felt “dizzy” after drinking a beer and a half.

“Her legs began to feel numb, and she began to lose feeling in her body,” the sheriff’s report says.

She told the sheriff’s investigator that Wingard later invited her by text message to his room, where she found him “in his bed with his shirt off.”

The woman told investigators she can’t remember what happened after that.

“She said the next thing she knew she woke up in the morning and was in Rep. Wingard’s bed under the covers, but was fully clothed,” the DOJ report says. “She said Wingard was next to her on top of the covers, clothed as well.”

After that, she told DOJ investigators, Wingard “pursued her by constantly asking her out for drinks [and] dinner and sending her text messages. She said on several occasions he asked her to send dirty (sexual) text messages to him. She said she agreed to do this because she felt if she didn’t he would not talk to her and it made her work environment hostile.”

Wingard resigned his post as Deputy House Leader but not his seat in the wake of the allegations. He is also a terrible human who beats his child with screwdrivers and he should be eaten by dragons. [Willamette Week/Oregon Live]

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  • nounverb911

    You spelled his name wrong, it's "Wingtard".

    • emmelemm

      And… end thread. Out in one.

    • Come here a minute

      Low-hanging fruit alert!

  • SmutBoffin

    He and David Wu should hang out.

  • Can we find a dragon in Oregon? Maybe we should find that Grimm dude to sick one on this dude!

    • nounverb911

      We'll lend you the Fremont Troll to use.

      • Mark your calendar NV911, June 30 6:30 @ Latona Pub for Seattle Wonketteer meet. Bring the Troll, and Lenin (sp) too if he's free.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          All the way up on 65th? Do they have wifi?

          • Not sure. I go there to drink & talk so I leave the laptop elsewhere and throw the phone in the pitcher.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            But an iPad won't fit in a pitcher!Thanks

        • Geminisunmars

          Lennon. Unless that is a sculpture of Vladimir. (Wish i could attend.)

          • Actually it is a for real statue of Lenin that is in the Fremont area of Seattle. The mask & guitar is a bit of punny humor. Vlad goes all Santa at Xmas too, he totally has sold out.

          • Geminisunmars

            Wow. C-etal has a for real statue of Lenin. That is so cool. All we have in Denver is a 32 foot cobalt blue, anatomically correct mustang with glowing eyes that greets you at the airport. (aka DIAblo).

          • Sorta. Locals might claim that it is in the Republic of Fremont.

  • prommie

    Prommie say goodbye. I am going away for a week. Taking to the high seas. Secret mission, cannot tell without revealing personal info. Ciao, till the 25th, unless I figure out how to post from my phone.

    • Have fun and avoid cannibals. Bon voyage!

      • prommie

        Are there cannibals in the Hamptons? Oh no, I have said too much!

        • nounverb911

          There's always the Montauk Monster.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Maybe not cannibals, but plenty of butt pirates. Avast!

          • StarsUponThars

            … and Tickle Monster. Watch out for the Tickle Monster.

        • Geminisunmars

          Yes, they eat their young.

        • Not so many since they closed Conscience Point

        • Doktor Zoom

          Uh-oh, Chongo!

        • BlueStateLibel

          No, just Lizzie Grubman. Be careful, friend.

    • nounverb911

      There's an app for that. (Seriously)

    • Barb

      Enjoy your vacay!

    • Grief_Lessons

      OK, true confessions time: how many of you Wonketeers, when away from your usual place of business/hovel, whether on vacation or whatever, have logged onto a strange computer, and seeing that you were not signed into the Wonkette used the opportunity to upfist all of your own lame comments?

      Obviously you shoud upfist me by way of anonymous confession…

      • anniegetyerfun

        Vacations were made for fisting.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          I thought that was the job of lube. Why are you outsourcing the jobs of hardworking American lubes?

      • Wow, what a bizarre thing to do. Why would anyone want to do that?

        Since I never did anything of the sort, I'll have to not-upfist you.

        • Grief_Lessons

          Well no, obviously not you. I had a whole different class of commenter in mind.

          • Oh, great. Now I'll have to upfist you.

            Why are you making this so difficult for MEEEE?

    • emmelemm

      May it be a roaring success! (Whether the objective is slothful vacation, important business, or otherwise…)

    • Have a great time.

    • Oh, noes, I missed saying g'bye to ya. Have a good time, old man, and stay the fuck away from politics, if this is a holiday. I'll look for you on the 25th.

  • Barb

    Clap your hands if you believe in prison!

  • redarmybarbie

    Eeegghghhhh….I just read that last link at the end, and I am left with no snark.

    Fuck him. Fuck him with a screwdriver, this man is a fucking CREEP!

    • How hard do you have to slap a little kid to leave finger-marks? What a fucker.

      • redarmybarbie

        In retrospect, I believe that fucker would be too generous a term in this case. How about toilet-sucking ass whore?

        • "Toilet-sucking ass whore" sounds remarkably appropriate. Geez!

  • Grief_Lessons

    We need to decide if it's a Peter Pan hat or a Robin Hood hat so that I can choose between my Maid Marion joke (he Made Marion drunk enough to notch his arrow) and my Wendy joke (something about flying over rooftops with a Baconator that I haven't totally developed yet)

    • Poindexter718

      Though the Robinhood joke is further along, I'm afraid the whole "steals from the rich and gives to the poor" schtick doesn't work since the guy is from the Grand ol' Pervy.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    “Her legs began to feel numb, and she began to lose feeling in her body,” the sheriff’s report says.

    I often find that is when a woman is most into sex.

  • I remember that guy. Didn't even know he'd taken up politics.

    • emmelemm

      That guy auuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

    • OneYieldRegular

      I thought of him immediately. He really deserves a spot in the "Personalities of the Early Internet Era Hall of Fame."

  • fartknocker

    This guys force fed his son until he vomited. This constitutes a dangerous person.

  • Beowoof

    Sex with an underage FEMALE staffer, are we sure he is republican?

    • anniegetyerfun


  • BarackMyWorld

    That's not fairy dust, Tinkerbell, it's roofies.

    • When did roofies become as common as breath mints?

  • CivicHoliday

    Date rape is bad enough but the shit he did to his kid makes me want to peel the skin off his balls like a hard boiled egg and feed it to him. That shit got reported back in 2008 yet this guy still got elected?! What the fucking fuck is wrong with oregon voters?

    • zumpie

      Fortunately most of us are NOTHING like this! Wilsonville's a white trash with cash suburb of Portland (almost Salem), in red neck Clackamas County. The residents are the same freaks who endlessly troll The Oregonian with their wingnuttery, defended the dude on Willie Week and keep insisting we'll eventually be a red state (because all their friends are teatards, too.

      • Glad to hear that, zumpie. Gadz, there's idiots everywhere.

    • spareme

      Mebbe he is from Michigan,.

  • bureaucrap

    To be fair, "send dirty text messages" is was also on Mark Foley's job description for his (male) legislative assistants. It's not uncommon in some political circles.

  • widestanceromance

    Hey, he saved the taxpayers 13% by sex-creeping/payrolling a woman, which is a real hardship* for a Republican. Damn tax n' spend liberals.

    *this is the key word for smutty replies

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "dim Oregon GOP lawmaker who had consensual, heterosexual sex with his staffer"

    Um, the article actually says that she claimed he drugged her. Since when is drugging a woman considered consensual sex? Silly me, I've been insisting that women actually agree to have sex with me before sexing them.

    • Doktor Zoom

      He claims it was consensual.

      Which is about what you'd expect someone accused of harassment / borderline rape to say (and I'm perhaps being over-generous with "borderline" there)

    • KBoydJohnson

      Good catch. I was referring to the sex that happened in the subsequent months of their affair, but the incident in the block quote doesn't mention that part of the story. It's confusing, my bad.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Damn, I was thinking maybe my dating options had just opened up.

  • Callyson

    In 2009, he sponsored a bill to expand penalties for coaches who sexually abuse young athletes.
    Testifying in support of that bill, Wingard told colleagues that coaches who exploit the power they have over their players for sexual gratification are guilty of a “serious violation of trust.”

    Whereas politicians who exploit the power they have over their staffers for sexual gratification is just business…


  • Steverino247

    No matter how hard you supress the libido, that shit squirts out someplace else. It's like hyraulic fluid.

  • Guppy

    has accused him of giving her alcohol when she was underage,

    Yeah, not going to get worked up over giving a 20 year old alcohol. If she's old enough to vote, get shot at and smoke lung-cloggers, she'd old enough to drink.

    The roofie, on the other hand…

    • zumpie

      While I agree, I'm frankly stunned the OLCC (we're a liquor control state) wasn't all over his ass over the booze. Cause that's how messed up they are!

  • Rotundo_

    Between child abuse and this stuff, this "Pillar of Good Republican Family Values" should be in prison. And closely monitored if he is ever released.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Hey the kid had a mother and a father. Tony Perkins approves.

  • Goonemeritus

    Sex with an underage staffer is serious, slipping a kid a ruffie is rape. Wearing that hat is poorly advised but a kaki jacket is the thing I just can’t excuse.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Oregon House rules prohibit workplace harassment, including “any threat or insinuation, either explicitly or implicitly, that a person’s refusal to submit to a sexual advance will adversely affect that person’s employment, evaluation, wages, duties, work shifts, or any other condition of employment or career advancement.”

    The woman told investigators that, after weeks of pressure, she “finally gave in to all of Rep. Wingard’s requests” and entered into an “ongoing sexual relationship.”

    That's not consensual by a long shot. That's a harassment suit, and a winnable one.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Let's get to the important question: did the taxpayers pay for any contraceptives?

    • MadBrahms

      He gave her a bottle of Bayer, on the states' dime.

  • mavenmaven

    Yikes, it seemed like a funny story until the last line there about him whacking his kid on the head repeatedly with a screwdriver. The linked story suggests that it was not a one time episode. Official diagnosis: sicko.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Caution: Do not read the comments to the Willamette Week article unless you have a very strong stomach, or enjoy yelling incoherently at your monitor.

    • emmelemm

      Caution: Do not read the comments to the Willamette Week [Any Local Newspaper Website EVER] article unless you have a very strong stomach, or enjoy yelling incoherently at your monitor.


  • shortsandpants

    Someone has been watching far too much "Mad Men."

  • owhatever

    Another slut lures an innocent Republican legislator into bed, then tires of him and makes trouble. She probably expects the government to pay for her hotel room and the booze, too.

    • banana_bread

      Similarly, it's Mom's fault his kid claimed abuse! She just wants money, clearly. (No, really, that was his actual claim)

  • Vecchiojohn

    As a fourth generation Oregonian, I remember when our Republicans were boringly virtuous old Protestant farts who just drank to tamp down their libidos.Thank God my state is finally catching up.

  • The line between public official and that creepy guy who insists on sitting next to you on the bus is getting a little too thin for my tastes.

  • Pragmatist2

    I think that's a Robin Hood hat. I demand a Correction.

    • scvirginia

      Yes, I was wondering if he borrowed Billy Hardcastle's headgear…

  • zumpie

    I wonder if he bought his hat at Bullwinkle's Family Fun Center (Wilsonville) of the Enchanted Forest Theme Park (Salem) while looking for a new, underage lady?

  • zumpie

    Oh P.S. his position is about as prominant as the GOP gets here. It's precisely why they've now run a first time candidate ex-basketball player for Governor and a failed snake oil salesman (twice) for Wu's old congressional seat.

  • glamourdammerung


  • Neoyorquino

    Heterosexual sex, eh? My mistake. That hat made me think maybe he was headed for the island of lost boys.

  • jtimwillis

    I like how we're explicitly told it was "heterosexual" sex…cuz you know…GOP'ers like to make the distinction. ;-)

  • ttommyunger

    What a nice guy!

  • TribecaMike

    Mel Brooks' Men In Tightie Whities?

  • Buckminster

    Well, any 20-year-old female who can't feel her legs after 1 1/2 beers is no Montana girl. He's still an idiot, however, and so is she.

  • In fairness, if she was 20, the sex was of legal but the drinking was underage and the roofie was downright illegal at any age.

  • Antispandex

    Well, like you said (wrote), it's spring. Everyone is horny. I'm horny, you're horny, the Teapublican man/boy hunters are horny, even the conservative christian, republican (alleged / attempted) rapists are horny. Watcha gonna do?

  • BZ1

    Isn't the hat in honor of Robin Hood, the dude that robbed from the poor and gave to the rich? Oh wait, must be thinking of Bain Capital.

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