rumors on the internets

The President’s Famous And Farming Is Hot

Tyra was rooting for you, Mitt! Unlike anyone elseIt’s Friday! Lounge in some articles about presidential legacies, lazy candidates, and a changing farming industry.

  • Here’s an article about why presidents shouldn’t be concerned about how they will look when they go down in history. We’re pretty sure the main thing history is going to remember about President Obama is he was the first black president to love gay people! That is, until another one of those comes along and we remember he signed off on the “indefinite detention” act. [The Atlantic]
  • Can Mitt win by doing nothing? The GOP seems to prefer it. It’s like they’re at a stage where whatever Romney does, they go, “GOD, can you STOP? WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH A MESS OF THINGS. YOU ARE A DISGRACE.” We at Wonkette like to imagine the GOP as an episode of America’s Next Top Model. [Salon]
  • This article is about how we can change and fix and ameliorate the American agricultural industry so we can make more money and be better people! Hopefully, the new reboot of Dallas will help make farming sexy again. [Slate]
  • And finally, open up a cool can of Coke, which nearly all of the world drinks now! Except two countries, one of which will make you go, “Those poor souls! Good thing they have relatively good healthcare!” and the other of which will just make you depressed in general at the state of the world. Hint: It’s not Syria or Iran. [NPR]

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  1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Can Mitt win by doing nothing?

    Also, will he baptize his campaign on November 7th?

  2. Serolf_Divad

    I like to think of the 2012 GOP nomination contest as a whole season of Dancing with the tards.

  3. Antispandex

    Is it possible that a new Mitt strategy is on the way? It might be called STFU. It's just crazy enough to work.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Actually – back in the mid sixties, then Morman high mucky-muck Andrew(?) Mcsomething(?), had a dream in which God pointed out the virtues of Coca Cola financing, and it was suddenly ok for Mormans to drink coke – check it out (I'm too lazy today)….

  4. Terry

    "Can Mitt win by doing nothing?"

    The GOP would prefer it, then once he's in office that he just politely do as he's told.

  5. Barb

    "We at Wonkette like to imagine the GOP as an episode of America’s Next Top Model."
    Romney is just dumb enough to think that Tyra Banks is an offshore financial institution.

  6. prommie

    Poor Obama, he's gonna be remembered as the first black president, whose election so galvanized the ignorant racist hick fucktard element of US society that they formed brown-shirt battalions called "tea parties" and kicked off the nation's descent into fascism.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      2012 will finally answer the question first posed by Abraham Lincoln: Will the first black President carry the Southern states?

      Nah, I'm just kidding, even Lincoln knew the answer to that one.

    1. tessiee

      That would make it really…
      *does math*
      That means it's really 1991?
      Oh, God, please yes!

  7. mavenmaven

    The GOP primary campaign was more exactly like America's Top Model when Rick Perry was still in it.

  8. freakishlywrong

    "Can Mitt win by doing nothing?"
    Grover is counting on it. "All he has to do is be able to hold a pen. And sign the Ryan budget, which is what we want". Sociopathic asshole.

  9. lulzmonger

    Can Mitt win by doing nothing?

    Can Joseph Smith find magical silver plates in a cornfield?

    Some moons back I wondered if maybe the GOP would go with a Berlusconi Gambit this time around … actually, it might be their best bet – God knows their actual policy plans stink like sun-baked roadkill.

  10. SexySmurf

    Can Mitt win by doing nothing?…It’s like they’re at a stage where whatever Romney does, they go, “GOD, can you STOP? WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH A MESS OF THINGS. YOU ARE A DISGRACE.”

    That sounds more like an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

      1. SexySmurf

        That was back when he did more physical activity than just shifting his weight from one ass cheek to the other.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          When I saw him again after all these years I asked my friends to NEVER let me do that to myself. He looks freakish.

          1. Generation[redacted]

            That's it. I'm driving off in a Huff. It's a 2-seater Huff. Anyone need a ride downtown?

  11. Hera Sent Me

    I knew the GOP was making a mistake when they decided to postpone Romney's next firmware upgrade until after the election.

  12. gullywompr

    I'm offended that all this talk about Mitt Romney's campaign makes no mention of Ron Paul whatsoever. Why is the media ignoring the real Republicans?

    1. BarackMyWorld

      And Mitt trying to out-crazy him with his immigration policies and $10,000 bets.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        half right, and I won't tell you which half.

        But think what country an Atlanta-based company would get into trouble for selling to…?

        1. gullywompr

          Made me look. I'm surprised, both by being wrong about that one "country" I picked, and by the one that I should have picked.

  13. anniegetyerfun

    Well, it can't be any worse than when he opens his mouth and says stuff out loud, in front of people. I say he should give it a shot.

  14. Chichikovovich

    Say what you want about Obama, he's an inspiration to those of us born on foreign soil.

  15. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What are the choices for the Romney campaign? Either say nothing, or talk about what you will do, which everyone hates.

  16. Doktor Zoom

    I have a friend who sells crafts at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. She says she's a lezzie fair capitalist.

    1. Sassomatic

      So far all I've gotten is a Bloody Mary and the news that my brother has to go to rehab. But at least that got me out of work!

    2. Geminisunmars

      Happy birthday, Gemini. (Being a Gemini you have better things than giant p-ness.)

        1. tessiee

          Oh, you Geminis!
          You're not scary and evil like Scorpios; you're charming.
          You charm everyone else, and *then* break our hearts.

      1. widestanceromance

        My condolences are wide-stanced for you, DZ. I hope you also get an AARP card for your 50th, as I did.

      2. freakishlywrong

        "Looks like SOMEbody's got a case of the fifties". (It's fine, I speak from experience, Doktor).

        1. Doktor Zoom

          I usually start easing into it by thinking of myself as being whatever the next year is a couple months in advance. That bit me on the butt four years ago, when I'd already gotten so used to the idea of being 47 that, on my actual birthday, I bemoaned turning 48…and then did the math.

          My grasp on reality is often loose enough that no one will be able to tell when I actually do get Alzheimers.

      3. emmelemm

        That should be good enough to count for some free birthday drinks in ol'Seattle couple weeks hence…

  17. OneYieldRegular

    A relative was temporarily detained by DHS for having a "Corsica Cola" sticker on her passport, though I'm sure things would have been worse had it been "Mecca Cola."

  18. Chichikovovich

    I don't think Romney needs to do anything. The slogan "Romney: He'll Do Exactly What Bush Did, But It'll Work This Time!!" will do all the work for him. Sells itself, frankly.

  19. weejee

    Not a rumor

    Seattle and environers meet-up:
    When: Saturday June 30 starting @ 6:30 PM
    Where: Latona Pub upstairs loft & pavillion
    Green Lake 2 blocks away for post fest skinny dipping (don't need no stinkin' pool)

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I will move heaven earth, and possibly repairs to my '73 Chevy, Vlad the Impala, to drive in from Boise. Any Seattle-area Wonketeers have a couch I could surf? (Really, the gas will eat up my disposable fun budget, and I am asking for help…will sleep in a sleeping bag in the car if I have to, but…anyone with a spare couch? Or hell, dry basement?)

      1. emmelemm

        Hey there,

        I live in a studio-ish condo not too far from the Latona Pub in question. Given that I am a young (cough, cough, OK early middle age), toothsome (debatable) lady, I'm hesitant to commit to hosting an Internet stranger.

        However, I might be convinced to let you sleep at my place and I'll go sleep at my mom's house (which is also not far away, and which I do often). You won't steal all my stuff, will you? I don't actually have anything "worth" stealing, but being as you're a Wonketteer, I'm more worried you'll steal all my books or something.

        You can email me at emmelemm AT yahoo dot com.

    2. OldWhiteLies

      I'm in. However skinny ain't happening any time soon, and I'm thinking I'll substitute au jus for dip.

    3. emmelemm

      Will be there.

      Also, note: last night, getting off at the Betty Page exit, there was a homeless guy at the end of the ramp with a sign that said:

      Need Dilithium Crystals
      4 Warp Drive
      Space ship broke

      I love Seattle.

      1. weejee

        Last night just before getting off at the same Betty Page exit heading to the Latona, there were folks on the 50th overpass waving sings with "Corporations are NOT People" signs who were getting a lot of honks and flashing lights.

    4. emmelemm

      Where are all the Seattle peeps? There've got to be at least 15 or so who've outed themselves previously…

  20. Generation[redacted]

    Mitt already has a winning strategy of driving around in circles honking.

    Remember when George H.W. Bush did donuts in Homer Simpson's front lawn? That's what it's going to look like when Romney loses.

  21. ElPinche

    Can Mitt win by doing nothing?
    My wife thinks that Mittens will not partake in any of debates this general election. At first I thought that was redonk, but I'm beginning to think this might happen.

    1. mrpuma2u

      I hope she's wrong, but she could be on to sumtin dere. If I were Romney's handlers, I would sure keep him away from a debate with Barry, he'll get cut to pieces.

  22. ttommyunger

    I'm just thankful that Gens. Powell or Petraeus decided to run. Either of those two fucksticks would be as disastrous as Romney, but have a much better chance of winning.

      1. ttommyunger

        Scary prospect. Not sure his ego would allow him to play second banana to Mittens….Hell, I wouldn't, and I never got above Sgt E-5, although I did make that twice, I guess that would make me an E-10, right?

        1. eggsacklywright

          I only made E-4, but in a very short time, like 13 months or so. Because I was Radar, and I could do that.

  23. Infrogmation

    I did some archaeology in Central America in my youth, spending time in villages just barely reachable by land rover or jeep– no electricity, no phone, no mail service. But there was always Coca-Cola. Places where the nearest "store" was a corner of a thatched-hut which might or might not have stock consisting of a couple of cheap steel knives and a plastic jug — but there was always Coca-Cola, available air temperature in the bottle. Sure, other brands could be found — when you went into a *town*. But any location, on or off the map, where diligent search could find a couple of people with 50 cents of disposable income a year, Coca-Cola was there to make their profit.

    When other companies brag about their market penetration, Coca-Cola privately smirks to itself, "Yeah, right".

    1. Doktor Zoom

      In the olden days of NPR, John Ciardi did an essay where he said if you wanted to build a statue depicting America's global cultural influence, it would be a statue of Mickey Mouse, holding a bottle of Coca-Cola, inscribed with the motto "O.K."

    2. CivicHoliday

      There are a few places on the planet without coke. Those places have Fanta instead. (much of rural subsaharan Africa falls into that category)

  24. elviouslyqueer

    *looks at "family photo" of Bushes and Obamas on the Atlantic linky*

    Man alive, but Laura looks like she's already had about 15 Xanax and is well on her way to chasing them with a gallon of gin.

    1. ElPinche

      Good grief .. she's going Callista Gingrich! But she's not quite at Bathsalt Bachmann levels yet.

    2. tessiee

      Also, Dumb-ass looks shitfaced drunk and is visibly tilting to one side. If Laura didn't have that death grip on his arm, he'd have fallen down already.

  25. gurukalehuru

    Would it have fucking killed you to write "Cuba and North Korea" instead of forcing me to click through to NPR who in turn forced me to click through to some goddamned CIA site?

    Although I guessed Cuba from your health care line. What do they mix with their rum?

  26. James Michael Curley

    I sort of believe I got that right. But I also spent a couple years defending The Coca-Cola Co. against "Who put this mouse in my Coke?" law suits. Answer, the bottler, The Coca-Cola Co does not bottle any product you can buy and the bottlers are all independents.

    1. Jadetiger79

      Wow, I never knew that. I live in Atlanta, Coca Cola headquarters…you think that would be common knowledge.

  27. BklynE

    "We at Wonkette like to imagine the GOP as an episode of America’s Next Top Model."
    The GOP would definitely be getting the "edgy, icy blonde" makeover. Oh, to have been an episode during the bat-shit crazy Janice Dickenson years . . .

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