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In response to anti-abortion legislation that Michigan Planned Parenthood calls the “biggest assault on women’s health in our state’s history,” kick-ass state Rep. Rashida Tlaib called on ladies to to go Full Lysistrata to keep this from becoming law. (That is not Rashida Tlaib in the video above; it is Rep. Lisa Brown, being whorish by uttering the shocking swear “vagina” when discussing women’s vaginas. Rep. Brown had to go sit in the naughty corner for the rest of the day.)

Tlaib didn’t go far enough, obviously. There are some Arizona Michigan lawmakers who should never, ever again get sexed by a lady because of these bills and so many other reasons.

Michigan Speaker of the House Jase Bolger

Speaker of the House Jase Bolger (R)
Bolger told Brown and her fellow representative Barb Byrum they would not be allowed to speak for the rest of the day for having used the whorish words “vagina” and “vasectomy” in the mixed company of the state house floor. Words make him uncomfortable. Jase Bolger may not be emotionally mature enough to sex, so don’t sex him.

Michigan Sen. Roger Kahn

State Sen. Roger Kahn (R)
There’s a writer named Roger Kahn who hung out with Jackie Robinson and wrote a book about it. This is not him. This Kahn once compared a judge to Soviet firing squads because the judge made a billionaire honor a contract. Do do not sex this plutocrat-loving drink of water.

Michigan Rep. Dave Agema


Rep. Dave Agema (R)
Agema, a Republican National Committeeman, is awful in so many ways. One time he tried to cut funding to a program that buys clothes for orphans. Seriously. Even Dickens villains agree, do not sex Dave Agema.

Michigan Sen. Coleman Young II

Sen. Coleman Young, II (D)
The (blood test-confirmed) son of legendary Detroit mayor Coleman Young, Jr. once gave a legislative invocation that (among other bizarre things) included this: “We know that with Your almighty power behind us, Father God, that we can form an invincible juggernaut, we can form a league of bipartisanship, we can create an omnipotent supernova…” Omnipotent supernovas cannot be good for lady parts. Also, hello? Separation of church and state. No sexing Coleman II.

Former Michigan Rep. David Jaye via Facebook

former Sen. David Jaye (R)
This guy was booted from the legislature after allegations of drunk driving, domestic violence, and porn on his work computer. Also, one time a gun fell out of his pocket in the state Capitol. Not only should no lady ever sex David Jaye, no man should ever sex any lady who sexes David Jaye. Look at the dude. Gross.

Six Michigan Democrats who voted for anti-abortion bills.Democratic Six (D)
These six Democrats (Charles Brunner, Paul Clemente, Bob Constan, George Darany, Richard LeBlanc, Lesia Liss) voted in support of legislation Planned Parenthood calls “biggest assault on women’s health in our state’s history.” Democrats. Ladies, never sex the above people ever again.

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