We had a fabulous idea while we were drunk in Detroit last week, and that was that we should do a “Kickstarter” to spread our Wonkette Drinky Things and Meetups all over this great nation. We want to come and see all of you Wonkers, but it turns out? You are not cheap dates!
So on the flight home we made a video (it sucked, but it was supposed to) and wrote a thing explaining how throwing parties all over the country was actually Conceptual art.
Well Kickstarter did not think it was Conceptual art, even though we were a professional art critic and they presumably are not, and they said NO.
But we thought: Why not do the exact same thing Kickstarter would have done but without the 5% off the top, and offer you fabulous prizes our own bad self?
So give us all your moneys, and here is what you will win!
$10 — We will send you a sticker featuring our famous (not famous) kitten-with-a-whip.
$25 — You will have a chance to be one of 10 people to decide where our Drinky Thing and Meetups will be held. Atlanta? Nashville? ALTOONA? Fuck yeah. ALTOONA OR BUST!
$100 – We will make you a goddamn Wonkette tote bag to take to your goddamn hippie co-op and in which you will carry your goddamn hippie organic vegetables. And we will put something in it! Maybe it will be a copy of Howard Zinn’s People’s History of the United States! Maybe it will be something EVEN BETTER.
$1 – You get a thank you email. It won’t even be a form email, but it will probably say roughly the same thing as all the other ones.
Down below should be a “Donate” button. You will need to do TWO things. You will need to press “donate” and then give it your credit card numbers (this is the first thing). And then you will need to send an email to rebecca at wonkette dot com telling us your address, so we can send you your fabulous prizes. Do not expect to get them before August. You will also need to tell us what name you just donated under, so we can assure ourselves that you are not a LIAR. In conclusion, fuck Kickstarter. Cut out the middleman and buy your Wonket a beer DIRECT!