WALTER CHRONKITE WA A RED  4:00 pm June 14, 2012

We Will Not Mock This Pamela Gellar Post Until A Doctor Assures Us She Did Not Have A Stroke

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

as smart as she looksCharles Johnson at LittleGreenFootballs has taken a break from twirling his mustaches and imprisoning free-speech martyrs in their Twitter Killing Fields in order to find this primary source evidence of Pamela Gellar, Empress of Wingnuttia, speaking in tongues and blooging at the very same time. We will just steal the whole thing, because we are sure he doesn’t mind.

Don’t let the giant block of crazy deter you from reading on and espying such eternal truths as “Walter Chronkite [...] wa a red.” Gaze in wonder at the conseritave Id.

Decades ago we cringed when any news story of corruption and collusion broke about our long venerated trusted newsmen We trusted those powerful subversive like Walter Cronkite, Dan Wallace, etc, These men with enormous power weilded it, abused it, and disseminated one of th =e world’s great campaigns of anti0merican disiinformation and propaganda. We remember Walter Chronkite, as a grandfather figure trusted iconclast when in fact he wa a red and did the country incalculable harm.

Twenty years of the Chroncrite legacy and we ahve gonthat much further of the deep end. Media ia a propactvisit arm whose one goal – shape the news, change the ness, even live about the news to advance a collectivist, pro-sharia agandena. How else culd an unqualfied, bitter Ameria hater hold the eat in the Obama office.

Have eight million more words of seizure, after the jump!

They are out of control And it is only a matter of time before the Davids in the blogosphere rip their masks of civility off and unmosks the who the monsters are. And for the their flagrant violation of the public trust, they shall rot in prison.

The mardcore Hama scruops in thr US HAMAS CAIR, MSU,MSA, ICNA are doing thr Htiler stompin jig to get these conter terrorim messures removed so that devout Muslims can roam freeem to plan the next 911.

And he AP, in a crushing violnation of ‘jounalistic integrity, has filed suit aganst agaianst law enforcement to disarm the numner one greatest counter terrorism usint in the world. The DoJ is finished.Corrupt. Destroyed. House to vote on contempt charge against Eric Holder‎. Tehy refuse to uphold rule of law. It’s red and green madness, collectivists and Islamic supremaicts have the run of the place. Where is our society’s first most critical line of defense? The DoJ is AWOL The Department of Justice is engaging in collusion with the country’s most dangerous and subversive jihadist groups.

And this is not just Department of Justice (DoJ) policy. It’s the policy of the Obama administration.

For years Atlas readers wanted to know why there were no indictments and prosecutions of the Muslim Brotherhood co-conspirators (CAIR, ISNA, ICNA, MAS) named in the largest terror funding trial in US history (here, for example). Obama and Holder have scuttled them, much the same way as they dropped the voter intimidation charges against the Black Panthers (a case that was, by and large, already won).

But those indictments were scuttled last year at the direction of top-level political appointees within the Department of Justice (DOJ) — and possibly even the White House.

Included in those indictments was at least one of the co-founders of CAIR, based on “Declination of Prosecution of Omar Ahmad,” a March 31 DOJ legal memo from Assistant Attorney General David Kris to Acting Deputy Attorney General Gary Grindler. A second DOJ official familiar with the investigation independently confirmed these details. Omar Ahmad is one of CAIR’s co-founders and its chairman emeritus. He was personally named, along with CAIR itself, as an unindicted co-conspirator in the Holy Land Foundation terror finance trial in 2007 and 2008. During the trial FBI Agent Lara Burns testified that both Omar Ahmad and current CAIR executive director Nihad Awad were caught on FBI wiretaps attending a 1993 meeting of Hamas leaders in Philadelphia.

Finally, lawmakers in Washington are pursuing justice and demanding answers from an AWOL Departmetn of Justice. Last Thursday, Members of the House Judiciary Committee on oversight on Thursday called on U.S. Attorney General to provide documents and evidence relating to the landmark Holy Land Foundation trial – the largest terrorism financing trial in U.S. history.

And now the media is doing the DoJ’s bidding suing the NYPD for proecting all of i citizens fromcertain death in the coming jihad attacks.

So what’s our verdict, Wonkers?

* Having a stroke
* Having a seizure
* Drunker than Ginny Thomas calling up Anita Hill for a heart-to-heart
* Just that fucking stupid

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 441 comments }

Barb June 14, 2012 at 4:02 pm

My vote is botox poisoning. That, or she is trying to impress Ted Nugent or get out of jury duty.
Has she been to O'Keefe's barn lately? This could wear off in a few hours. Remember to hydrate, Pamela.

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

It's just from the tears of anguish that pour out of her eyes every time she thinks of her fallen warrior.

spends2much June 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

This is still too coherent for the Nuge.

Callyson June 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

or get out of jury duty

So *that's* how I was supposed to duck out of it. Will refer to Pamela's rants next time I am called up for it…

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Y'know, when I served jury duty, many people tried some not-particularly clever ways of evading service. They ran the gamut from "I can't take time off from work" to "Cops are always right" and those were pretty lame. Judges uusually sussed right through those ("Cops are always right, huh? Let's find a civil case we can put you on, those usually last longer.")

The funniest one from my POV was this one time a guy said to the DA, "He's Muslim, he done it." It got him tossed off the panel, to be sure, but the judge refused to sign his release form (in NYC, generally you can be excused from service if you've been called to a panel but not chosen.) He obviously believed the guy was dogging it.

Now, after Gellar and the wingnuts have had a decade-long run with hate, I'm not so sure it wouldn't pass muster, even in NYC.

But definitely, start talking the way Pam is posting? You'll be excused.

finallyhappy June 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I actually want to go to jury duty- I mean, I have the time but they never call me. Could it be that I complained bitterly the last time I was called for a civil case dealing with the spoiled (adult) offspring of a wealthy real estate family? 6 days to listen to a lot of whining and then they settled. One of the lawyers then wanted the jury to stay to answer some questions- I asked him if he didn't think he had already wasted enough time of the jury members

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 5:35 pm

If you tell them you're a member of the ACLU & you'll be happy to serve, they'll strike you.

OldWhiteLies June 14, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I myself have a sure-fire, never-fail, spot-on, nailed-it way to get outta jury duty – or at least the kind that sucks you in for more than the two obligatory days.

I am merely my obtuse but direct self. I use the "well-spoken" OWL script, listen intently during voir dire, with a wide laser-eyes look; and make it clear I'm expecting to digest every nuance of their respective arguments and will only then come to an appropriate decision.

NOBUDDY wants THAT guy on their jury. Six runs in eleven years with nobody keeping me past the first round. An average of three pool calls each. Perfect record. Hell three of those, when I was in the first three in the pool, the defendants (and their attorneys, one assumes) chose to waive their right to a jury trial and just go before the judge.

But what does that tell us about the fate of our justice system? I'm thinking nothing good.

BerkeleyBear June 14, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Or just pass a bar exam, any bar exam. Where you are actually on the rolls they generally won't call you as a matter of conflict avoidance/professional ass-kissing, and if you move somewhere you aren't admitted saying "I'm a former bitter attorney" is the golden ticket out of the jury pool.

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 8:53 pm

This reminds me of the 30 Rock episode where Liz Lemon dresses up as Princess Leia to avoid jury duty.

AbandonHope June 14, 2012 at 10:42 pm

You forgot: …and fails.

PhilippePetain June 15, 2012 at 1:36 pm

The voice she does is pure comedy gold.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:31 pm

^^
^
So, wearing a "fuck" T-shirt doesn't work?

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Botox would paralyze her mouth and keep her from talking. No downside.

extreme_left June 14, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I think she mis-read the instructions on the bottle of Spray tan and drank it.

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I'm thinkin' poisoned cakes we like.

Boojum June 15, 2012 at 7:20 am

Ambien and typing don't mix.

johnnyzhivago June 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Spell check seizure!

Lascauxcaveman June 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I'm thinking the number of monkeys banging on her typewriters
equals < infinity.

Also, they are on meth.

widestanceromance June 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Where was the other hand when she typed this up?

Mittens Howell, III June 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

It was busily 'loving America'

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Ameria libel!

sewollef June 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

You mean Omerica, surely?

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Omerica? Is that when you fap silently?

Sparky McGruff June 14, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I think you mean Amercia?

coolhandnuke June 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Driving the Romney bus.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Great, like I'll be able to get to sleep tonight with that thought burned into my brain.

Callyson June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Trying to resuscitate Breitbart.

Katydid June 14, 2012 at 5:02 pm

It was up her ass, trying to wipe her brow.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Oooh, that was sneaky! Good one!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Did you know that rice grains can shoot right out through your nose?

Teh Wonketz. You learn something every day.

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Needz moar vampire slaying.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Only if they're slaying her.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Unmosk pit!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Is this Finnish for "All of them, Katie?"

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

If Geller speaks Finnish, I'm returning my passport.

metamarcisf June 14, 2012 at 4:06 pm

As I used to post at Breitbart before I was banned: "Hey Pam. Show us your tits!"

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Pam is definitely the kind of girl who, when you dated, you tried to tune out at dinner by imagining her tits.

DemmeFatale June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Breitbart! Pshaw!
Wonkette would NEVER, EVER ban you for titty talk!

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:06 pm

No, clearly she used Nanette Billing's computer.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Whoever told you nanette Billings used a computer? I was assured she carved that message out on stone tablets delivered by weeping eagles.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Using RFC 1149?

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Say, what is the airspeed of a laden 1149?

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:25 pm

What do you mean? An African or European 1149?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:28 pm

That's really low-tech, dude.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Yes, but they were weeping from laughter.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Emmis.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I have to think that the section of the Venn Diagram where "smokes clove cigarettes" and "speaks Yiddish" overlaps is vanishingly small.
Nu?

harriedhubby June 14, 2012 at 4:06 pm

STROKE WHILE DRINKING?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:52 pm

No thanks.

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 6:51 pm

On the other hand, I'd go for someone stroking me while I'm drinking.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 7:20 pm

(scritches the pdog's ears) Like this?

Boojum June 15, 2012 at 9:53 am

Lower…lower…

missannthropethefirst June 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

How about totally fucking batshit crazy?

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I remember when Pam Atlass's daughter used to show up at any blog, no matter how insignificant, and defend mommy's posts.

Those were good times.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Dammit! How manny time gotta tell yooz: LEEV MOM ALOAN!!!!

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Oh, I thought that was Bristol.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Damn, you sure know how to hurt a girl.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Batshit libel!

metamarcisf June 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Gimme eat.

prommie June 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Garrada dah!

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Give EVERYBODY eat!

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm

This is a reference to something, but I'm drawing a _____.

prommie June 14, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Catch-22. Everything in life, really, is a reference to Catch-22. Catch-22 encompassesevery aspect of human existence. Plus blowjobs.
I threw in some MASH (the crappy novel) just to be contrarian.

metamarcisf June 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I see everything twice!

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 4:44 pm

C'mon, Prommie, don't tell me you didn't catch my underhanded reference to Major ____ de Coverley, utterer of the "Give EVERYBODY eat" line that ended the Glorious Loyalty Oath. I HATE it when I'm too obscure.

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Not here you aren't. Everything worth reading in the Amurikkkn lingo is either in C22, or a book by Mark Twain.

prommie June 15, 2012 at 9:51 am

Oh fuck, you are excellent, I did not get it! I am gonna have to re-read Catch-22 on my soon-to-embark solo pirate voyage through New England!

fartknocker June 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Is Caiden Cowger her proofreader?

Antispandex June 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I thought NO ONE could be more bat shit crazy than Ann Coulter, but Pam? Winning!

An_Outhouse June 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Wow, that was long. I stopped at 'Ameria hater'. I love Ameria, my time, and my sanity and just couldn't continue.

Sharkey June 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

AMERCIA

jerichothedrifter June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Ermagerd!

Sharkey June 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

NUMBNER ONE

(sorry, I'll stop now)

Gleem McShineys June 14, 2012 at 5:41 pm

This is my favorite one. Because you have to shout it for full effect.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Is an Ameria a northern version of a nutria, or what?

redarmybarbie June 15, 2012 at 6:34 am

It sounds to me like a new male-enhancement drug.

Sharkey June 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

If you can't fap to "Gary Grindler", there's something wrong with you.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I don't know if I'd fap to him, but I do like his song "Rock and Roll".

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

QUICK GET A WALLET IN HER MOUTH BEFORE SHE BITES HER TOUNGE OFF!!!!

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Her mouth is too large for mine. She might swallow it. Better lift Mitt's wallet.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I'll fetch the forklift.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Please, like Mitt would dirty himself by touching money that proles have touched.

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 8:21 pm

He's got a wallet elevator to get it inside once he's home.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Slather some botox all over that wallet and she'll gladly gulp it down.

Swampgas_Man June 14, 2012 at 7:13 pm

On the other hand, biting her tongue off would prevent her from talking.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 7:22 pm

There is no downside to this.

angerbear June 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Was someone disabling her higher function modules while she was typing this? I'm surprised she didn't end with "Daisy, Daaaaaaiiiiisssssss…."

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Dan Wallace? So, Dan Rather and Mike Wallace were that close? Inquiring minds want to know*.

*Not really.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Dan Wallace = newscaster on her home planet.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Apparently Dan Wallace is the writer of Big Fish.

The conspiracy is indeed large if Tim Burton is at the center of it.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Their arm has grown long. Or is it "His arm has grown long"?

pinkocommi June 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Nothing says "subversive" more than Walter Cronkite.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Who?

emmelemm June 14, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Commie says what?

(j/k)

pdiddycornchips June 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Yes there is, the "Chroncrite legacy". The latest from Robert Ludlum

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Someone shouldn't have been snarfing Adderall and Ambien together like they were tic-tacs.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

And washing them down with Bud Select.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The kids put them in her Breath Mints container, OK?

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Is that what she calls her other personalities?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Don't you?

gullywompr June 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Unfortunately, I find nothing unusual in this writing example. Baggers gonna bag. All in all, I'd say it's just a Thursday.

SexySmurf June 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

She was trying to emulate Ayn Rand's writing style. And I think she nailed it.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

proecting all of i citizens

iRobot will proect iCitizens.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Wait. Steve Jobs was a Muslim?

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:56 pm

iAtolla. Duh.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Score!

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 8:32 pm

indeed.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I meant iSaac Asimov

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 5:09 pm

So not the MittBot 5000? If we aren't careful he'll proect us all.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I don't Asimov ever wrote anything that dark!

PhilippePetain June 15, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Ah, her descent into Rastafarianism is complete.

Aridzona June 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

eye pursenolly dudn't c anyting wrung wid dis.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Here's the scary part: I understood that.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Here's the really scary part: somebody got paid for showing that you would.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:23 pm

You're having WAY too much fun with this.

TheMightyHaltor June 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I'm now okay with making English our official language, because then we could kick Pam out.

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

doing thr Htiler stompin jig

Didn't they used to call that "the monster mash"?

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Well, it was a graveyard smash.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 4:45 pm

It caught on in a flash.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I think it's like the Htilander Fling?

doloras June 14, 2012 at 6:27 pm

No, they call it the Lambeth Walk.

not that Radio June 17, 2012 at 1:29 am

"Performed by the Nazi Ballet, without the permission of A. Hitler"

hahahahahaha

SoBeach June 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I hope rehab is on her "agandena".

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Rehabracadabra.

__kth__ June 14, 2012 at 5:36 pm

no.no.no.

pinkocommi June 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

You know who really was subversive? Our Founding fucking Fathers.

Hope that makes a few Teatards' brains explode.

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

This is why you don't hit "SEND" when you've been drinking.

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Good thing teh Wonkette has a "Submit Comment" button instead of a "SEND" button.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

That's funny- mine says 'Submit, Commie'.

Callyson June 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Actually, I think Pamela could use a good, stiff drink.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Oh, c'mon, you KNOW that's not how you were gonna end that sentence.

Callyson June 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Had to save something for the dudes to have fun with…hee hee hee…

bumfug June 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

H!t lyk 4nb $h4re 1f u c4n r34d 7hls – 0nLee da $m4rT quy$ c4n du !t.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Maybe it's some kind of wingnut "beat" writing style she's come up with? Alan Gellzburg? Jack Gellouac?

LesBontemps June 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

She's been writing while getting high licking bufotoxins off amphibians; this is an excerpt from her forthcoming novel, "On The Toad."

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Ferlingellie?

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Beats me.

HarryButtle June 14, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Maybe it's gonzo? Hunter S Gellson on an ether binge?

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

4th Option: We have discovered the identity of the "How is babby formed" person.

SexySmurf June 14, 2012 at 4:14 pm

How else culd an unqualfied, bitter Ameria hater hold the eat in the Obama office.

How qualfied do you have to be to hold the eat?

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Pammycakes is qualfied enough to hold it between her knees.

spends2much June 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I somehow feel that she's talking about BJs here, but I can't be sure…

widestanceromance June 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Real qualifications begin when you don't have to hold the eat, if you catch my drift, wink, wink. . .

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Clearly the White House chef is to be blame for all of this. If the Obamas would only eat corporate produced red meat, Gellar would accept them as real Americans and not as Kenyans.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Hey, I'm not qualfied in any way, and I've been holding the eat three squares a day all my life.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 4:14 pm

You'd think after all these years online she would learn not to drunk-post.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Man, she's gotten her best hits that way.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Hey Baldar- I missed yore purdy smile!

Veritas78 June 14, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Me, too! That shark-cat makes me happy every time I see it. Thanks for switching back, Baldar!

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 8:37 pm

That other av he had for a few days made my tmj jaw hurt.

emmelemm June 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

{whips sunglasses off}

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

w.r.t. the avatar's return

BaldarTFlagass June 15, 2012 at 12:15 am

Guess I'm stuck for eternity with cat-shark. That's cool though. Coming back after a night of drinking with hot vanpool chicks and then going and seeing The Man (toot-toot!) tonight instead of having to drive back into town tomorrow, and seeing this love for the old avi, has me all verklemt.

Nesnora June 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I doth protest. I've been drinking and smoking for the past hour and I still capitalize where appropriate and I hardly, hardly think about Chronkite, Htiler, or mardcore Muslins.

I'm roam freeem!

LesBontemps June 14, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Not enough meds / too much meds. Either way, keep her away from sharp objects and keyboards.

WhatTheHeck June 14, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Jesus, is she using teh bath salts? Cause she’s bitten off more words than she can chew.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Bed, Bath & Fubar.

HoytClagwell June 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm

All of them, Katie?

(was that correct usage? I'm kind of new here)

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Well, I was going to say it if you didn't.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Yes, that would be appropriate in this instance. Or any instance. We're all about free-form commenting.

Crank_Tango June 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

It's good news for McCain.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Don't forget Poland!

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

COTD!

Crank_Tango June 14, 2012 at 6:08 pm

You know who else didn't forget Poland…

Also Nobama Polish FEMA Death Camp libel, or something.

widestanceromance June 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Welcome, Hoyt. Keep coming back.

Blueb4sunrise June 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Good work. I did nothing for my first weeks here except type:

BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

in every thread, and got p-eed on a lot.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:36 pm

If only you'd said BALLS instead, your pness would now be as big as MittBorg's

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:37 pm

BALLS, you say?

Let me see….B-A-L-L-S….BALLS

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

One of my favorite quotes from Catch-22.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Great. The kid hasn't been here an hour and already you're scaring the shit outa him/her.

Jus_Wonderin June 14, 2012 at 5:18 pm

I think we are all about the tuff lurve here at the Wonkette.

Blueb4sunrise June 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

ONE OF US!!!
ONE OF US!!!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:07 pm

You forgot to point out that we all live for pee.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Not me- once I get out of the 70's, I'm golden. Never really liked the 70's. At least not until skinny ties & haircut bands…

Boojum June 15, 2012 at 7:29 am

Golden. Ha. ISWYDT.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

HC:

Now it might be "Kallie – all of them!"

Sassomatic June 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Today, we are all wingnuts having a stroke.

Glass Eyed June 14, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Only one person in the world would use that nick….the man himself!

Don't tell 'em that you're a hell of a tap dancer as well. These people are wolves.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm

We should just come up with three or four different messages, and keep posting them over and over. That would be fun.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Ultimately, the real victim here is Sarah Palin, and I think it's only fair to call on President Obama to resign.

not that Radio June 15, 2012 at 2:11 am

But what blog-readers really want to talk about is jobs and the economy.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Very good. Here, have some wite casuls and cakes we like.

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 4:17 pm

propactvisit? th =e? unmosks? freeem? proecting all of i citizens fromcertain death?

Finaly someone on the interwebz that spells worster than Baconz! I feel alittel bedder about miself

StarsUponThars June 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

baconz, u r lurved

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

But you're OUR Bacon, and we know BaconzGOOD. Besides, you're smart.

Pamela Geller is a poopyhead.

outragedcitizen June 15, 2012 at 9:55 am

"How else culd an unqualfied, bitter Ameria hater hold the eat in the Obama office."

Seriously, how could a TRUE Conservative American not be able to spell "American"?

pinkocommi June 14, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Proving once again that extreme conservatism is a mental illness.

Will I get more upfists if I take out the "extreme" and just say "conservatism?"

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Plez, its "conseritavism".

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2012 at 4:18 pm

The mardcore Hama scruops in thr US HAMAS CAIR, MSU,MSA, ICNA are doing thr Htiler stompin jig to get these conter terrorim messures removed so that devout Muslims can roam freeem to plan the next 911.

Wow. It's like a mashup of Naked Lunch, the Vogon poetry from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and Glenn Beck's Fever Dream Journal gone horribly, horribly wrong.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

It's like a mashup of Naked Lunch

Needz moar buttsechsing to death.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

the Vogon poetry from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,

"Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found Oozing out of My Left Brea$t One Midsummer Morning."

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 6:01 pm

You really know how to get the old blood pumping, Capn.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Just wait! I have a whole series on dog excretions.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I didn't want to gouge my eyes out reading Vogon poetry…

Jus_Wonderin June 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm

It looks like maybe she is devolving? I for one can't watch as she turns into a blob of goo and inches toward the potted plant.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:52 pm

And that RV with all the hand-scrawled "OBAMA SEKRIT GAY COMMUNIST" bumper stickers:
http://wonkette.com/449226/wingnut-camper-art-pro

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I fucking love mardcore music. Fugazi RULZ!!!!!

Gleem McShineys June 14, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Ean Machkey was so striatgh egde!
NUMNER ONE, STOMPIN JIG TIME

randcoolcatdaddy June 14, 2012 at 4:18 pm

When I was in middle school, the plays of Shakespeare seemed like a foreign language to me.

Now, the writings of Republicans seem to be from an alien planet.

emmelemm June 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Lizard people!

Chichikovovich June 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm

And now we shall have a posting both tedious and brief, a most tragical comedy, from Quince the Carpenter, Snout the Tinker and Pam the Gellar……

[Or was it Flute the Bellows-mender and Pam the Bellows?.... I'd better look it up....]

Tommmcattt June 14, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Walter Cronkite was a "powerful subversive"?

Really?

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Of course. He personally Lost Vietnam. We'd have won if it weren't for his treachery.

And Jane Fonda.

And those smelly hippies.

And the shitty strategic situation.

And the fact that we were supporting a corrupt dictatorship that was incapable of governing.

And the liberals' refusal to let us use the Bomb.

And….

But mostly, it was Watner Chronic

NellCote71 June 14, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I think he shot JFK, too, if I remember correctly.

Crank_Tango June 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

then WTF was J edgar hoover?

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

A powerful inversive?

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Metnal il:nees iz a trrbil thin=g to libe wit.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Pammy's been libeing wit it for a while now, and it's doing its best to get away.

CalamityJames June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Maybe you won't mock her, but someone really should skull-fuck her.

Crank_Tango June 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Too late!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Pam would enjoy that, though. Especially if you make her wear a veil first.

Mittens Howell, III June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Thank you. I read all that and now I ahve gonthat into ssezhure ….

*thunkity …. thunkthunk …. twitch …*

sharethegrief June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Isn't red and green madness what happens in Walmart on Thanksgiving?

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Only because Obama banned Christmas.

anniegetyerfun June 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

This bloog sent from my iPhone.

HateMachine June 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Who else expected "Media ia" to end with "Cthulhu fhtagn"?

MosesInvests June 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

She does have the Innsmouth Look, doesn't she?

PhilippePetain June 14, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I hear she graduated from Miskatonic with honors.

PhilippePetain June 14, 2012 at 5:50 pm

What I mean to say is I don't think a Dagon by without her screeching about something.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Me. But only because, sheesh, it's Pammycakes, whaddyawant?

TeaNuts June 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Pamela who?

iburl June 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Remember that Whitesnake video from the 80's with the crazy chick rolling all over the hood of that car? Not her.

spends2much June 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Spelling and grammar are for Libtard Elitists, obviously.
Seriously, do you think you're better than Pamela Geller, Nanette Billings, or Sarah Palin, simply because you are fluent in your mother tongue and they, middle-aged Murricans, are still struggling?? For shame…

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm

It's not my mother tongue.

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Not surprisingly, many people have told me that.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm

And your response was?

tessiee June 15, 2012 at 12:16 am

"Seriously, do you think you're better than Pamela Geller, Nanette Billings, or Sarah Palin"
*raises hand*
I am. I'm a lot nicer, a helluva lot smarter, and not a bigot.
*Barb stands up*
I'm a better parent, and much kinder to children. I would never drag a fragile kid all over hell and gone like Sarah did.
*Chichikovich stands up*
I'm educated and eloquent.
*baconzgood stands up*
I'm the best worker at my job.
*MIttBorg stands up*
I'm fluent in Yiddish.
*elviouslyqueer stands up*
I'm devastatingly witty.
*limeylizzie stands up*
I have devastating titties.
*jus-wonderin stands on hind legs*
I'm loyal, and can fetch.
Music in the background, as in the cheesy but inspiring sports movie, while one by one, the wonketteers stand up, with ad lib comments, "I'm better", "Me too", "I'm way better", "you gotta be fucking shitting me" [that was ttommyunger] as music builds, until are all are standing, high-fiving and grab-assing each other, and clinking drinks.

StarsUponThars June 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Damn. I read Bob Dylan's "Tarantula" and wasn't as lost as this.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I had less difficulty with Finnegan's Wake.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Vladimir Nabokov used to say he'd read "Finnegans Wake" three times, and though he much preferred "Ulysses," he couldn't find a single grammatical error in it. True story.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I don't think I even understood the magic of Nabokov's writing until I hit my 50s.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Ain't he something? I once had the great pleasure of hanging out with his talented and very, very funny son Dmitri in a NYC bar for an evening. I can only imagine what a character his look-alike old man was like, but I felt like I got a taste (though I've read his mother Vera was the real brains, sans the prose, behind the outfit — I recommend Stacey Schiff's excellent biography "Vera: Mrs. Vladimir Nabokov" for more on that).

I also highly recommend Brian Boyd's two volume biography of the master, which I place on the shelf right next to Richard Ellmann's classic bio of James Joyce. If you enjoy Nabokov, you'll learn a lot of cool stuff from Boyd's books.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Frankly, although I may be a spell check Nazi, I do not find the typing by tongue all that problematic. No, the biggest error here is her reference to "Atlas readers."

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Charles Atlas?

Callyson June 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Atlas Shrugged.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Atals Shuggred.

shortsandpants June 14, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Atlas read her rant, and Atlas shrugged.

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 6:21 pm

She has an actual website that y can find by googling atlas shrugs. Be warned, this post is considerably less vitriolic than her usual anti-Muslim diatribes. Wear dark glasses when you check, otherwise all your friends will desert you and you will lose 20 IQ points from brain burn.

Buckminster June 14, 2012 at 9:30 pm

You know…morons.

Joshua Norton June 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Media ia a propactvisit arm

Couldn't have said it any better myself. Whatever it is.

Someone should try to run it thru BabbleFish and see if it crashes the system.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I think Col. Steve Austin, the Bionic Man, had one of those propactvisit arms.

Buckminster June 14, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Holy crap, what the hell is that even supposed to mean?

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

If you suffer from Propactvisit Arm, ask your doctor if Hamascruops is right for you. Side effects may include drowsiness, red chronchitis, violnations, and diminished mental capacity. If you experience posting to Atlas Shrugs, call your healthcare provider immediately. If you need to induce vomiting, read Atlas Shrugs.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

A lawyer from Prescott Pharmaceuticals just called, alleging copyright infringement.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

It does sound a lot like Vacsadone…

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I'm guessing the poor bastard who turns Pam's ramblings into complete sentences escaped through an open window and Ms. Gellar had to finish the essay on her lonesome.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Nope- just hangin' with the other monkeys and their typewriters.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"Obama and Holder have scuttled them, much the same way as they dropped the voter intimidation charges against the Black Panthers…"

…and the war crimes trials of Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Feith, etc etc etc.

Sharkey June 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

OK, everyone who is more wasted than Pam Gellar, give me a thumbs up.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Wow, way to make sure that comment gets no mojo.

Sharkey June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Yeah on second thought, maybe "less wasted" was the way to go.

__kth__ June 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

yes, I'd like to help you with an upfist, but I'm not Hunter S. Thompson.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Wait until this evening.

Arken June 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Unpredictive text.

James Michael Curley June 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

A diagnosis in a case like this always starts with the simplest explanation which is warranted by all the facts. She wrote that piece on her Iphone using her nipples.

PuckStopsHere June 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Finally, a transcript of the voices Shelly hears in her head.

elburritodeluxe June 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

This is really no different or better than an edited Pamela Geller post. Which is only slightly less lucid than Michelle Malkin or Ann Coulter.

elburritodeluxe June 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

She's clearly drunk / high…

Is it too much to hope for that she is drinking more now because she realizes how her anti-Muslim rants were a justification for Anders Breivik to kill 69 innocent people?

MosesInvests June 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Yeah, it's too much to hope.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

No, I will guarantee she prides herself on that point.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:38 pm

MUCH too much.

Srsly. The woman has the sentience of a paramecium. She feels no regret or shame.

keinsignal June 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

You're not supposed to drink the whole box of wine, Pam.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Problem is, she didn't stop with the box. I'd put her on her second barrel, at least.

Wonderthing June 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Who's Pamela Gellar? signed, Yes, I'm That Isolated

glamourdammerung June 14, 2012 at 4:44 pm

A moron that runs a hate site that whines about how it is not a hate site.

Kind of like VDARE.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

That's not as isolated as her "readers".

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Part of the brain trust that is today's Conservative Movement.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm

"We Will Not Mock This Pamela Gellar Post Until A Doctor Assures Us She Did Not Have A Stroke"

*reads through comments*

Uh, are you going to punish us now, Editrix?

HateMachine June 14, 2012 at 4:43 pm

It's okay, I very well might be a doctor, for all you know.

Mittens Howell, III June 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Pretty sure Rebecca was using the Royal "We."

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Please?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I know I've been very bad.

hagajim June 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm

That whole screed was a violnation of ‘jounalistic integrity as well as damning evidence that our skoolz have failed miserably.

Also the "Walter Chronkite [...] wa a red" line was code for she is smashed on the chronic and drinking some fine Washington State red wine, you just have to be able to decipher stoned, drunken idiot.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Washington A-quality red wines are indeed worth getting drunk too. I'm sure Cronkite would agree.

Sharkey June 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

The sheer quantity of her output assures that there will be a small mistake from time to time.

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm

This is what happens after The Yes Men drop too much acid.

GregComlish June 14, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Atlas drunk-dials her ex-boyfriend and leaves a incoherent bigoted rant on his voice mail

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Pretty clever, trying to avoid violnating Godwin's Law by invoking "Htiler."

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

In so doing, however, she invoked Gowdin's Wal.

qwerty42 June 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I'm thinking alcohol and drugs. Not sure which drugs ,but paranoia and typos plus weird rants suggest alcohol and drugs. If she has any friends left, they might want to get her into detox.

Blueb4sunrise June 14, 2012 at 4:43 pm

SIDE BOOBIES!!

__kth__ June 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

fake (e.g., implants)

Generation[redacted] June 14, 2012 at 4:53 pm

eggplants?

__kth__ June 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

meant i.e. As "aiyee, she took off her top"

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Hence your avatar?

Monsieur_Grumpe June 14, 2012 at 4:45 pm

She must be related to Palin.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"How else culd an unqualfied, bitter Ameria hater hold the eat in the Obama office."

I am convinced this is a coded message to her reptilian overlords.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Fine, but what does it MEAN?

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Picky, picky, picky.

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Oh right, like Pam's classy enough to drink boxed wine. She's strictly a Ripple dipper.

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Naw, it was MD 20/20.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Hey, where ya been, grrl? (Hugs Jukes) Everything OK?

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I'm getting an early start on my mid-summer depression. The snark has left me. I'm still “checkin ya auht, tho,” as they say in Pittsburgh.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Aw, now, we can't have that. (Hugs the Jukes)

You need a little music to cheer you up!

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Hope that depression doesn't leave you feeling Trapped Again.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Hm. I wonder…maybe this is actually written in Farsi and she's a double agent?

emmelemm June 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Interesting theory.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 5:55 pm

It's certainly farcical enough

PhilippePetain June 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Oooooh, I've gotta see the comments section over there… It's always fun seeing these fucktards make excuses when one of their own heroes lets all pretense fall by the wayside and goes completely off the deep end.

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Let us know what you find. I can't bring myself to go there.

PhilippePetain June 14, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I wasn't aware that the AtlasShrugs article had been dropped. For some reason, I just kind of assumed that people this far out would just be like "Removing the obviously drunken NJ housewife post is just kowtowing to the sharia muzzooblllleeeeghj". Or something.

__kth__ June 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

She has the vacant eyes of a broken-down stripper who has been abusing coke and maybe Ecstasy to keep her enthusiasm up. That's from six years ago, god only knows what she looks and sounds like now.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:02 pm

How you doin'?

PhilippePetain June 14, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Oh my god, I had never seen her speak before… Jesus, she really is just this weird vapid NJ housewife… WTF are these right wingers thinking!? I just kind of can't believe they're this stupid.

imissopus June 14, 2012 at 6:24 pm

New Jersey libel! Pammie there is from Long Island. I mock Jersey all the time, but I think it already has enough problems without having to take responsibility for Gellzilla.

PhilippePetain June 14, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Wait, that's what Long Island sounds like!? Jesus…. I guess I'm pretty happy over here in the west after all.

imissopus June 15, 2012 at 12:41 am

It's my own opinion that Long Island has easily the worst accent in the Tri-State area.

Blueb4sunrise June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

This was plagiarized from Zein und Acid

Dr. Matt June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I could have composed a more coherent blog entry if I just punched my keyboard for 30 minutes straight.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:45 pm

With gloves on.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Obviously having Sen. McCain and Duh Gov'Nuh as the GNoP candidates had nothing to do with Mr. Obama's victory.

The only possible explanation is "lamestream media."

Still – after looking at her photo – I'd tuck that in.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I'd tuck that in.

To the fishes' bed?

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:10 pm

You should (first) check out her site, atlas shrugs, to get a better idea of the utter lunacy that defines this woman's thought. This one is actually less venomous than some of the others. If the photo interests you, check out her videos. She has several she does in a black bikini, and for a 50 y/o she looks OK.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I didn't see any black bikini videos.

Is she the model for the Goldfinger girl in the logo?

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Try YouTube " Atlas VLOGS from the beach". Can't copy and paste from my iPad. So it goes.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Thank you – I checked that out. She's bobbing up and down like she's practicing how to prance upon the hidden lance.

If she really wants page views she should get out of that wet bikini and into a dry martini.

ingloriousbytch June 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

This is what happens when you mix your Ambien with your Franzia.

knuck1es June 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

It's not nice to make fun of the disabled.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Who's "we," Commie?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm

And she thinks THEY are out of control! Oy.

Fox n Fiends June 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Allah works in mysterious ways.

qwerty42 June 14, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I went to LGF and saw Johnson's comments. This was posted at 8:14 Thursday morning. Not good, Pam. And the business about a "red" … takes you back. Should we worry about who lost China? (hint: as every schoolboy knows, it was Owen Lattimore). Plus other reds.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:57 pm

AOTK.

bobbert June 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Tick tock tick tock

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:42 pm

I have no keyboard, and I must SHOUT IN ALL CAPS.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Hard to do that without a keyboard, Young Miss.

Fairtackle June 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I think someone has their eye on the veep spot…

gurukalehuru June 14, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I actually refuse to believe option 4, so I'm going with drunker than Peggy Noonan on a summer afternoon in Manhattan.

Me_K_Cong June 14, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Remember how good Republicans used to feel obligated to pronounce the word "nukular"? When Pam typed Ameria, she was trying to type Amercia, but forgot how to misspell it properly.

Sassomatic June 14, 2012 at 5:01 pm

BATH SALTS. Stop her before she eats someone's face.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I thought she already ate her own.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Said the Ticktock man. But here's the funny thing, Harlan Ellison could be quite the prick. He was a good writer though.

emmelemm June 14, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Prick or not, I've always loved that title for its random poetry.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Me too. I don't think he was a Great Artist, like, say, Kafka, but he was a very talented and highly polished wordsmith, and his writing could make me forget that I sometimes disliked him. That title caught me, and I was off on an Ellison jag for life. You could count on him to produce a consistent, polished level of interesting work.

doloras June 14, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Was? The creep is still with us.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Geez, I'm always so shocked to find anyone of my generation is still alive.

TanzbodenKoenig June 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

She banned me for pointing out that her constant cheerleading of the Serbs was tacit support of genocide and ethnic cleansing. She's buttfucking crazy

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I like people who make me seem smarter than I actually am.

Toomush_Infer June 14, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Thank god for the internuts…..'sgood to be back!…..

Beowoof June 14, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Bath salts are bad before blogging.

iburl June 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

"thr Htiler stompin jig"

That actually sounds good, like something a progressive would do. Not sure how else to read that, unless she misspelled "Their Fetus Stomping Jig", which is a distinct possibility.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I think more likely she just thinks stomping Hitler was a bad thing.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Everyone *knows* stomping fetus just makes it all mushy on the grill.

Crank_Tango June 14, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I could swear I saw Norm make a htiler stomping jig once on This Old House.

Nesnora June 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

She's just low on conserva-batteries. It's like when you push the button on one of those toys in the store and they begin to repeat phrases in sparse, demonic tones.

Either that or fuck, woman—handle your high already.

shortsandpants June 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

"Itts time too dtand up for freedome ann drunke dile my exe hussbund."

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm

What I have learned about Obama from Conservatives:

Obama is totally incompetent.

Obama is secretly running a vast Islamist conspiracy.

He must be running it incompetently.

Therefore: Obama is in fact destroying the vast Islamist conspiracy from the inside.

Well played Obama. Well played.

qwerty42 June 14, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Actually, I believe the conservatives now believe pretty much that Obama is an incompetent. He is running a vast conspiracy to do something. And they are the only ones who see it. But it is a great danger. Because he is close to success. No word yet on whether this involves precious bodily fluids, but probably.

Lazy Media June 14, 2012 at 5:16 pm

C & D, and she turned off her autocorrect.

Guppy June 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Tune in next week when Chuck Norris publishes the exact same thing!

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Not if Jon Voight beats him to it. The race is on!

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Col. Ollie North is standing in line, ready to reprint it and then throw her under the bus for sending it to him.

DahBoner June 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Tanning bed toxicity.

Tommy1733 June 14, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Her bio-quote says "Evil is made possible by the sanction you give it. Withdraw your sanction."

Pammy, I would never insert my sanction, yet alone need to withdraw it.

Guppy June 14, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Levi Johnston tried to withdraw his sanction twice!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Not soon enough. Both times, the putz.

Dudleydidwrong June 14, 2012 at 5:25 pm

"I, James Joyce, approve this message."

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Joyce made beautiful, witty sense. This dolt makes duhs.

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Hateful cunt with encaphalopathy writes her crazed epistle?

Guppy June 14, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Not enough fart-sniffing and arse-fucking.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Ah, but it was a *poetical* fart-sniffing and arse-fucking.

Pammy Geller doesn't have anything to say that anyone with two working brain cells needs to listen to, and she says it in the most annoying accent/voice/tone.

alteredimages June 15, 2012 at 12:51 am

There once was a hideous teabagguette, and her name was Pammy Tuckaboo. Or however that horrid novel begins. Portrait of the Fartist as a Not So Young Wingnut.

AddHomonym June 14, 2012 at 5:26 pm

She's gellin'. (It's pronounced jell-er, right?)

GemlikeFlame June 14, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Ockham's Razor, folks. Obviously a keyboard broken under the pressure of a thousand tantrums. Move on, nothing to see here.

Jeri 2.0 June 14, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I think she's sly (and also probably drunk, high, stupid, and typing with her toes) and is using the new conserbecile code to make sure their posts all fly under the radar of Homeland Security. Shit, I'm betting fly and radar and Homeland Security are all on the list of red-flag words.

knuck1es June 14, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Gonna change my vote to: drunk, and posting from a tablet for the first time.

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2012 at 5:41 pm

She sent this to CNN as her audition to take over for the late John King.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm

With any luck, she cc'ed Charles Krauthammer.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Jukes! Where have you been?

Over on the Wonkette begging blog (our Editrix is doing her One-L Michele impression and emailing for money) I brought up our idea about a books section.

Come on over and stick up for me!

~Actually, no surprise everyone is being very nice and several people have offered positive thoughts about it. You had some good ideas about how to make it work. And there must be a way Wonkette can make money off books and book ads and book sales and all…

Jukesgrrl June 15, 2012 at 6:46 am

Geez, I'm out of it.I don't even know what the begging blog is.I'll check it out tomorrow.I would definitely support you.LimeyLizzie and I were exchanging book recommendations earlier today.We like similar novels.

Tundra Grifter June 15, 2012 at 11:58 am

Jukes:

It's our Editrix' blog about raising money through donations. At the top It has a photo of a woman in a bathing suit bottom and no tan lines. I'm sure she has quite a top if she would just turn around.

Anyway – check it out. Wonkette needs a books page. Or whatever it would be called here on the Internets.

If you and Limey LIzzie are down with it, it has to be good.

Jukesgrrl June 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I'll mention it to LL next time I see a post of hers.Thanks for the info.

Darthhippy June 14, 2012 at 5:42 pm

You say fucking stupid. I say to stupid to fuck.

stncmchnc June 14, 2012 at 5:45 pm

That photo needs less Broadway Cats, and more Mighty Ducks face.

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Stupid as a box of rocks and vicious as a rattlesnake with a sunburn. And, by the way schmuck, it's MIKE Wallace, not Dan Wallace. And he died recently, and had more writing skill in one of his sperm than yOu have in your entire body.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Or William Wallace – who got the tug from the King of England.

Neoyorquino June 14, 2012 at 5:46 pm

She needs to lay off the Chronic. And the Cronkite.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 6:07 pm

All the embarrassing fucked up dumbass things I've done in the past seem like noble deeds to me now.

Exhausted66 June 14, 2012 at 6:08 pm

"Twenty years of the Chroncrite legacy and we ahve gonthat much further of the deep end."

Did a Nigerian prince write this?

barto June 14, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Eh, too vain to wear glasses?

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Bausch & Lomb makes contacts out of botox now. Very popular with the jet set, though not so much with the Jones & Wynette set, but only because they can't afford them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASsrU73PLfk

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I once worked for a politician who wouldn't wear glasses.

When we made name tags for events they had to be the size of a small billboard.

BlueStateLibel June 14, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Send Mitt Rmoney's engineers on this stat, clearly there's something wrong with her internal operating system.

Barrelhse June 14, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Sounds like a typical Wonkette "Dear shit for brains" letter.

owhatever June 14, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Dud a teem of monkees wrote this?

Generation[redacted] June 15, 2012 at 1:36 pm

They certainly didn't have Carol King and Neil Diamond write it for them.

Tundra Grifter June 14, 2012 at 6:43 pm

The correct font for that rant is Wing Nutz.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Most people don't know this, but before he became a musician Bob Marley worked at a print shop in Kingston, where he wrote his first song "I Sansed The Serif."

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Oh! Oh!

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Those old line casting fumes could be very inspirational.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Be wary where you cast your line sir, for you know not what foulness lurks in the depths.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Pam Gellar is a conseritave, no?

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 7:08 pm

No, she's a facsist.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Same thing, dood.

Generation[redacted] June 14, 2012 at 6:49 pm

She seems nice.

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Where is the Tick Tock Man when we need him? Hmmmmm.

Ryy June 14, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Just that fucking stupid.

Swampgas_Man June 14, 2012 at 7:17 pm

James Joyce and Nanette Billings had a babby.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I have a feeling that the famously wine-swilling — and socialist! — Joyce would rather have puked on one of Gertrude Stein's expensive Persian carpets than on the likes of a nobody like Gellar. Joyce may have been from the dirty old town of Dublin, but he had his standards.

swordfis June 14, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Her photo in Littlegreenfootballs is terrifying. Anyway, this is evidence that to write stream-of-consciousness, you have to be conscious to begin with.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Eh, minor obstacle.

OneYieldRegular June 14, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Media ia a propactvisit arm whose one goal – shape the news, change the ness, even live about the news to advance a collectivist, pro-sharia agandena.

Among the media's many "one" goals, Gellar seems to have omitted "spell the news."

rmjagg June 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm

pamela should stop bikini waxing her upper lip …. scar tissue .

extreme_left June 14, 2012 at 8:32 pm

She's a plant by teh gayz to turn.

Buckminster June 14, 2012 at 9:24 pm

"Twenty years of the Chroncrite legacy and we ahve gonthat much further of the deep end. Media ia a propactvisit arm whose one goal – shape the news, change the ness, even live about the news to advance a collectivist, pro-sharia agandena. How else culd an unqualfied, bitter Ameria hater hold the eat in the Obama office."

Jebus, I post better shite than this after four Martinis.

moar_plz June 14, 2012 at 9:25 pm

"Hold their eat" is actually pretty brilliant (because it was unintentional). I'm gonna use that. "I couldn't hold my eat watching that crap movie." or "Imma lose my eat if I have another tequila".

Buckminster June 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm

New thought: Hopped up on PCP like the favorite at Hialeah.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 9:49 pm

When it comes to bullshit, Gellar has won the exacta, the trifecta, and the quinella, all in her sordid little mind.

didgen June 14, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Poor spell check was buried today after a successful suicide.

lulzmonger June 14, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Obvious explanation is obvious.

Pamela Gellar: /b/tard.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:27 pm

According to Google, Ms. Gellar's date of birth is 1958. In fairness, she does look pretty good, but if she's going to use epithets like "red" that are 50 years out of date, she's bound to give away her real age sooner rather than later.

ttommyunger June 14, 2012 at 11:42 pm

I'd hit that, but she would have to promise not to speak.

DocChaos June 15, 2012 at 12:01 am

Updating a line a friend of mine used to say:
"I wouldn't fuck her with Reagan's dick, and his dick is dead."

ttommyunger June 15, 2012 at 12:05 am

Some women can heal the sick… and raise the dead.

tessiee June 15, 2012 at 12:23 am

High as a kite, everybody! Goofballs!

alteredimages June 15, 2012 at 12:45 am

Huh. So Pammycakes types like a Dolan Duck meme. Gooby pls.

Stevola June 15, 2012 at 1:03 am

Spelig i commist

neiltheblaze June 15, 2012 at 6:57 am

Are there no insane asylums?

Opportunisticly_Joe June 15, 2012 at 7:10 am

Truth be told, I do some of my finest posting drunk. But I'm also crazy careful about checking my work for idiot errors like sentence fragments, or at least make sure to pay attention to an in-browser spellcheck before posting, and I'm not relying on my internet notoriety for my career.

I'm just trying to imagine how drunk someone would have to be to make this meandering, English-butchering, word salad of a blog post, and I'm pretty sure you'd need to be literally going blind from drink, first.

Either that, or this was a guest post from Chuck Grassley's twitter account.

outragedcitizen June 15, 2012 at 9:50 am

IMHO, she was attempting to do that experiment where you take an unlimited amount of monkeys, typewriters and time to create the Encyclopedia Britannica only she got this word salad instead.

Or her head might have been buried in a bag of coke…

notanncoulter June 15, 2012 at 12:27 pm

YOU left out "E – all of the above" as an option….

and I think SHE left out:
"Thanks folks… I'll be here all week… don't forget to tip your wait staff…"

notanncoulter June 15, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Her brain has finally had enough of the hate screeds, and in a last, desperate act, is attempting to kill the host in order to save humanity.
As usual, epic fail.

ColonelDoctor June 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Wow, that is mardcore.

jennofark June 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Two words:

Bath salts.

12X34X June 15, 2012 at 1:56 pm

My money is on brand new 2" gel nails that slide all over the keyboard and an arrogance that proclaims, "What? Me proofread?"
That – or she's off her meds.

mmeetoilenoir June 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Pammy is the finest that Lawg Eyeland has to offer: too many chains, fake breasteses, a tight face, and too-dark hair dye. The only thing she's missing is the Tiffany charm bracelet and a Coach purse.

KommunistKitty June 15, 2012 at 4:55 pm

In collectivist Ameria the ness changes you.

Gopherit June 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm
rickmaci June 17, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Someone's been hitting the bath salts a wee bit too hard. Might be a good idea to check her neighbors to be sure that none of them has had their face eaten off.

cassamandra October 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

more proof that we need a Republican edition of Poe's Law.

__kth__ June 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm
MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Gobble, gobble.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Thank you very much for those recommendations.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 9:26 pm

You're welcome, MittBorg. A world without Nabokov is unimaginable. And do check out Boyd's valuable and well written biography. The chapters on "The Defense" and "Pale Fire" are especially brilliant.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 11:33 pm

I don't know, actually.
*falls off bridge*

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Vanishingly.

redarmybarbie June 15, 2012 at 6:39 am

Josef Stalin?

Jukesgrrl June 15, 2012 at 6:47 am

Gee, is THAT why I like that song?Thanks, Doc.

sullivanst June 15, 2012 at 9:16 am

Well, as a transplant to Long Island, I can say with authority that the New Jersey accent is everything bad about Long Island's, on steroids.

But at least it's not Staten Island.

PhilippePetain June 15, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I was once in a touring band and ran into this punk rock outfit from Staten Island that we were on a three or four show leg with, and I must say, Staten Island punk rock girl singers have got to be one of my favorite sub-subgenres of womanhood.

The accent that is so fucking grating and awful in a broken down suburbanite housewife takes on a sort of tomboyish macho put-on that basically had all of us poor 18 year olds smitten.

Doktor Zoom June 16, 2012 at 11:42 am

It was love at first sight.

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