Hiram Lewis, a lawyer and a failed servant of the American people (he lost the 2006 West Virginia Senate race to Robert Byrd, and also lost two Attorney General elections), has been arrested for shooting a guy who apparently “intruded” upon him in his home. West Virginia has that lovely Castle Doctrine in effect, so Lewis, who also used to work as a Republican treasurer, is claiming that he was just Standing His Ground. The catch: the so-called intruder, Stephen Bogart, claims that he actually lives in the house in too. This is a LANDMARK CASE, because can you stand yr ground if it is also another’s ground???
In an apostatical fit, maybe, Lewis decided to drop his friend/lover/neighbor/roommate, and having washed his hands of the whole affair, was forced to shoot Bogart (in the leg) when Bogart insisted he was still part of his life. OTHER THEORIES? There are none.
OK fine, there is another. According to Lewis, via local Fox station WCHS, Bogart:
is a homeless veteran who’s been a guest at his camp for the last week until he finds stable employment. Lewis did not elaborate further except to say, “he went crazy today.”
His camp? What is a camp, in this context? Is that what West Virginians call homes? Lewis continued:
I was totally within my rights. I was in my home when I made the, when I shot him, after he barged in my residence and busted the door down. It’s in God’s hands now, but we are a Castle Doctrine state.
According to WCHS (via the West Virginia Record), Lewis shot Bogart when Bogart kicked down the door to their house in Procious (PRAH-shus, or maybe PRO-shus, or even PREH-shus) in Monongalia county (WHAT? This is getting Tolkienesque).
Lewis has been charged with malicious wounding and “wanton endangerment,” which is awesome-sounding, and police apparently are not buying Lewis’s story that Bogart was an “intruder.” His bond is set at $100,000. [WDTV, West Virginia Record]
{ 175 comments }
Two people standing the same ground?
This is why Thunderdome was invented.
TWO DOUCHE BAG ENTER ONE DOUCHE BAG LEAVE! TWO DOUCHE BAG ENTER ONE DOUCHE BAG LEAVE! TWO DOUCHE BAG ENTER ONE DOUCHE BAG LEAVE!
Auntie Meh-titty has the final say
Krauthammer as Master, Breitbart as Blaster.
"Who run Bartertown?"
Ohmygod, that's closer than we think!
Hmm… make their money from shoveling shit and live in a place where you can actually trade a chicken for medical care. Close indeed.
The law of physics states: no two objects can occupy the same space, unless you are Chris Christie.
Sorry, that's no two objects can occupy the same STATE if one of them is Chris Christie.
Objects don't occupy Christie's space; they orbit around him.
Two morons enter, one comes out limping!
He's gonna hate his new roommate in prison way more than Bogart.
I wonder if Bogart Bogarted?
No more Humphrey for the guy who shot his lover, Bogart. Now he's going to have to pay for sex.
Think about it. Imagine it. Wait, it will come to you.
He had to have. He grew up on Long Island and that's all there is to do there.
Oh, I thought you meant Humphrey. Never mind.
Not a hump-free Bogart.
Unless, of course, his cell mate is Raul Rodriguez.
What are those….things….on his face? Two fleshy dots in his goatee? Catfish-style barbels? Matching string-warts? What!?!?!?!? America demands to know!
Show me "flecks of jizz!"
I saw that movie: The KaratGay Kid. That's where Mr. Miyagay gets his knob polished by Danielsan
I like the part where he claps his hand together and rubs them to revive Daniel-san's flaccid member.
Gobbled.
That comes…..er, no pun intended….later in the film, in the college football shower.
Genital warts . The guy is a total asshole prick.
"Don't Bogart my joint, my friend, or I'll shoot."
FYI. I grew up 8 blocks from the banks of the Mon river and I still don't know how to spell Monongalia. Nor Youghany, Aliquippa or Zelienople. I hade to copy and paste all those words.
Ah-HAH! So our Baconzgood is an Appalachian piglet!
It's OK, them's some weird fuckin' names.
Mitt can I have some of your pee score – I feel so bloody inadequate.
Of COURSE you can, sweetie! I upfist everyone I ever reply to. I wish I could share the pee points, but don't know how. If you find out, let me know.
A little secret: I always upfist posts that have only +1, even if I don't find them funny, and give tons of upfists to newbies on general principle.
Yes I was. So when people tell me how about they didn't "fit in" in high school I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and…
I know how you feel. (Hugs the little piglet)
I was the only person in my school (all the way through school) from my ethnic group. Good times! Drink!
Sounds like a good thing you didn't fit in there.
But can you pronounce "North Versailles" correctly?
[Haha! Trick question!]
East Liberty= E-Sliberty
Squirrel Hill= Squirll Hilw
Down Town=Daun Taun
It took me years to get rid of the Pgh Accent. A person could be arguing the merits of Nietzsche and Aristotle, but if you talk the ugly Pittsburgh talk all someone can think is "this dude had a piece of his brain replaced with a cashew."
In the mercifully brief time I spent teaching at Pitt, I had a couple of students with accents as thick as Sophie Masloff's. Since I speak with a backwoods accent in both of Canada's official languages, I'm hardly one to throw stones. But still…
[I had to hear someone say "This needs fixed..." about ten times before I clued in to the fact that it is a thing people in Pittsburgh say.]
Daun't be sucha jagoff.
I think it's spelled Mongoloidahela – hopefully that's allowable lexicon in the new and somewhat more PC planet wonkette
Can we just call it Tardistan?
Not to put too fine a point on it, but "hate" is spelled wrong alsoo too.
Monongalia's correct spelling:
"Here's a nice river. Be a shame if Mittens fell into it next time he disses a Pittsburgh institution like Bethel Bakery":
http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/local/neighbo…
(Usual disclaimer, in a totally non – violent way, etc…)
William Pitt was cruisin' down the "mighty Mon" as he called it since Yorkshire men had such limited verbal abilities what with all the historical invasions by Romans and Danes and Celts with Kilts and who knows who. So after months of listening to the natives talk about Poconos, Appalachia, and Aliquippa he got to the junction of the Monongahela and the Allegheny rovers and someone said, "You name one, Marblemouth, but keep it simple." Whereupon he stuttered, "Oh – I – O" and they said, "That's it, we're outa here. Let's go somewhere and get some Iron City and grilled Kielbasa."
At least you didn't grow up on the Beaver River. Easy to spell, hard to live down. Especially if you're a grrl.
"I was totally within my rights."
I was totally within my whites. Fixed!
I can't believe Hiram lost all those elections. He should have shot somebody back in 2006, then he'd be a 2nd Amendment lovin' Patriot hero.
Jesus Christ, this is Hiram Lewis THE FOURTH. There's THREE OTHER fucking bozos running — ok, maybe crawling, by now — around out there just like him.
Saves all the thinkin and shit that's required to come up with a different name.
True. So, like, throwing darts at the Wholly Babble just isn't used any more?
Wholly babble, lol.
Hell-LOOO? WEST Virginia????????
Nu? What do I know from West Virginia? They probly shoot people who look like me on sight.
Maybe its the only name thery have so they keep reusing it.
Well, at least they're recycling.
It's West Virginia. Having three or four generations of the same family living is really easy when you start reproducing at age 12.
Lewis just wrapped up the NRA vote.
Ah, young love.
Wait — it was Bogart's joint too? I'm blown away. Then again, so was Bogart.
*rim shot*
Bet it was a shotgun
Maybe Bogart was wearing a hoodie.
This stand your ground thing – I have questions!
What about in a houseboat?? No "ground" to stand on???
Castle with moat. No ground (or apparently grounds) necessary.
I only know one person who lived in a houseboat, but it was in rural Louisiana and there were gators in the water, so he could've shot them.
I'm fucking going to enjoy the day when all these wingnuttards finally stand their grounds against one another and eliminate themselves from the gene pool. Libertarianism at its best, I tells ya.
The Hatfields and the McCoys?
I work with an engineer name of Hatfield, of the notorious clan Hatfield. He's a short little nebbish dude that looks like a garden gnome, not like any of the stars of that show that was on last week on the Hitlery Channel. He's kinda white trashy, for a P.E., and has typical white trashy problems with his kids and his three ex-wives. I can totally see him or his immediate family shooting someone. Hopefully they'll keep it all in the family.
Tell him to move to Luckenbach, Texas. That's what you do when the the successful life you're livin' gets you feudin' like the Hatfields and McCoys.
Oh no ya don't. I go out to Luckenbach on a fairly regular basis (it's only 50 miles or so from the Casa de Flagass) for sittin' around and drinkin' Shiner Bock and listenin' to the fiddle 'n' guitar mewsik. I'd prefer he stay where he is…
I'm jes' hopin' to stay out of the crossfire.
You're gonna LERVE this year's Republican Convention in Tampa …
Sounds like a lover's quarrel gone way too far.
Bogart probably just intercepted the meth pipe while it was making its circuit. One thing I've learned in Appalachia is NEVER get between a West Virginian and their crystal
Hate to say this but I think my dad still has some relatives running around Monongolia County. Think I'll invite them over for a shot and a beer, not necessarily in that order…
Hiram? Is that Mooslim or Jewy?
Hiz daddy were worried he'd be unemployable…
Castle Doctrine! Sounds kinda sexy/bdsm-y until I look at the picture again and throw up in my mouth.
Hey baby, wanna play some castle doctrine tonight?
GWM, 6'0, 180lbs, seeks GAM for light bondage, castle doctrine….
"Hiram Lewis, a lawyer and a sucker of cock…."
You say that like its a bad thing. Yet many republicans who want to be or are elected to public office seem to have a definite proclivity for that activity. I think we should accept them and tell them to blow their way to the top.
I'll bring my ropes.
Where's the SEX TAPES?
C'mon, you don't think Hiram Lewis IV was letting Bogart live in his house out of the goodness of his heart, do ya?
Many pig squeals were heard from the woods…
They're the Kim and Kanye of Monongalia.
Come on, dude. Lesson #1 for self-loathing gay republicans: Stick to public restrooms. You don't bring 'em home with you. You do that and they start thinking they've got some kind of relationship with you. And that would be gay.
Lets withhold judgment until we find out if Bogart was wearing a hoodie.
A woman scorned?
Is there some inverse correlation between goatees and IQ?
???
I thought that was mullets.
No joke. In my crazier days as a young man, I used to buy moonshine just a little out side of Morgantown near Tunnelton WV. Great moonshine but you can't smoke while drinking it.
BG, how'd that meetin go w' the brass and the new CO? Shake up, or same-only-different?
OH no! They got me and Depart Director Dale Part II into an office and sat him down. Upper brass told him.
"Let Baconz do his job his own way. He's our best. If you implement new policies and procedures it will effect his #s. DON'T FUCK WITH BACONZ #S. He makes more for us in one quarter than we pay you in a year. Plus if you hassle him with petty office politics he will make your life a living hell. We've seen him do it before."
It was pretty cool. Upper management laid down the law on my side. Believe it or not I'm a pretty good sales man. I got the gift for gab and my clients like me.
YAY BACONZ!!!
Of course you are. BaconzGOOD.
It's my sales strategy. The secret is *looking both ways then whispering in your ear* Keep 'em drinking until they sign the papers.
Hoorah for our little BaconZ!
Well done Sir. Carry on! (Outta da pahhhk)
NICE. Hooray 4 Baconz!
I would avoid any trips with upper management for a while. Especially to 'resorts' where they have hot tubs in every room.
Castle Doctrine. Shooting after shooting. Every day brings more shootings in what are at best dubious circumstances. In other words, daytime in the USA.
I blame Jerry Springer.
Mo(u)rning in Amercia.
"GET YOUR ASS OFF MY DAMN GROUND!!"
Um, ….GET YER ASS OFF MY DAMN HANDS!?….
I shot him, after he barged in my residence and busted the door down. It’s in God’s hands now, but we are a Castle Doctrine state.
I agree. i'd shoot the bastard, too, if he barfed in my residence. Oh..nevermind.
How do you barge in and then bust the door down? Doesn't it work the other way around?
If someone had to be shot, I'm glad it was Bogart and not Bacall.
Monongalia county? Is that some Latin phrase for "man on homeless man" or something?
Monongoloid?
Well they do live in Yurts, so there is that going for them. That is all their republican overlords will let them have.
Maybe it's a typo – Morongalia?
It is now.
It's Cherokee for Teh Stupid.
The White Castle Doctrine…?
um, is that the one for domestic abuse?….
Sexual abuse of a cheeseburger?
I'm just gonna be standin' on my ground everywhere!
Where ever you stand it's YOUR ground.
Git off a it!
You're welcome to stand on my ground, too. I don't own any firearms.
Whoa!
I am pondering how someone could wound another person with no malice being involved. Outside of accidents and negligence, I am at a loss.
"Malice" here is a legal term of the art, meaning a specific mental state, or intent. If I shoot you because I'm drunk or pissed off because you screwed my old lady, I might mean to scare you, or hurt you, but probably don't mean to kill you. But if I shoot you because someone paid me munnies to, or I can profit by your death in some way, then I definitely *meant* to kill you. That latter state of mind is the malice required for a charge of murder rather than, say, manslaughter or negligent homicide.
Get of our house or I'll shoot!
Wait….."GET YER ASS OFF MY DAM GUN!"….
Dudley: I'll she-didn't-care-for-you you, my boy! Now then! She's gone up there, to the great sewer in the sky, the biggest drain of them all. All you can do is make this place into a sin-cellar. Yeah – you're nothing but a whoo-er! You're a whoo-er! Get out of my house. Get-out-of-my-house!
Peter: Father, it's not your house, it's my house.
Dudley: Oh, pardon me for living. Pardon me for having two strong sturdy legs to stand on! Well, get out of your house, then! Never darken your doorstep again! Get out!
What goes on at camp should stay in camp. Especially band camp.
"I am the king of wherever the fuck I am!"
YAY! TeethyKat is back!
And they were such a cute couple?
In Monongalia, hell yes!
Worst. Scruff. Hookup. EVER.
Do. Not. Want.
Welcome to my camp, I guess you all know why we're here.
You became aware this year?
Are you saying Hiram likes to Fire 'em?
"Monongalia"
Must… not… make Mongoloid / r*t-rd joke…
Take me home
Country roads
To the place
I thought I belonged
West Virginia
BLAM BLAM
In Louisiana a camp is a place where you hang out with your buddies and mistresses/prostitutes and fish, hunt, eat, play poker, and get falling down drunk. In West Virginia this may refer only to a tent or old snow cone truck, however.
"old snow cone truck" ;-[)
Get of my ground!
It must suck being named Bogart when you're smoking dope.
Just thinking, but with all of these "Stand Your Ground" laws, "this is my castle," etc., if I was a Native American, I'd be starting to get ideas…
Yeah they tried that. Which is why today we have Indian casinos — similar principle, less shooty.
Did it to p off Romney
Remind me never to visit a state with the official motto: "Shoot first. Ask questions later."
All of them, Katie?
Interesting, as this little bon mot paraphrases "Kill them all, let god sort them out"- which originated with Simon de Montfort snr. Oh, and what happened to him? His head was crushed by a stone from a catapult. And what happened to his son? His head and balls were cut off, the one was nailed to the other, and posted back to the killers wife as a souvenir.
Just saying those who live by the sword may well die by it- be careful what laws you wish for..or as Churchill put it "the bear blew first"
Not the stuff that dreams are made of.
My belief system is this. CASTLE DOCTRINE. I will stand my ground in Monongalia because it is a castle doctrine state. I will stand my ground in your house, I will stand my ground in their house, I will stand my ground in that house over there too. I will stand my ground in your camp, your mothers house, your dogs house or your kids house. When I wave my gun it's time to move, as is my right.
You can stand your ground in a box
you can stand your ground with a fox
you can stand your ground on a boat
you can stand your ground with a goat
you can stand your ground here and there
Say! You can stand your ground anywhere
God one Dr. Suesem.
We shall stand our ground on the beaches, we shall stand our ground on the landing grounds, we shall stand our ground in the fields and in the streets, we shall stand our ground in the hills; we shall never surrender our guns.
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, he had to walk into mine. So I fucking shot him.
That's great
Moron Gala in Monongalia !
Intruder… lived there… let's just focus on the fact that he shot an unemployed Veteran!
Good point. It's all Boehner's fault.
Tomorrow night, Fox News is running a three hour special dedicated to that door.
This land's not your land, this land is my land,
I got a shotgun, and you ain't got one,
If you don't get off, I'll blow your head off,
This land was only made for me.
Nice.
Soon the Stand Your Ground law will be declared unconstitutional by the NRA and the wingnuts will introduce and pass the really, really, really extra constitutional law entitled as the He Looked at Me Funny law.
If you're standing on the ground, fire away, West Virginians.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Pizza deliv—BLAM! BLAM!
Can't anyone spell Mongolia correctly anymore?
Monongalia is a medical term referring to a vaginal condition where the labia are only formed on one side.
"It’s in God’s hands now". – I, for one, am "F" – ing psyched to see how God is going to rule on this one!
Is that another smiling mug shot? Egad! I demand shame and desolation from my mug shots, by jingo!
Is he really gay? I'm always suspicious of gay Republicans. I can't help it. I certainly don't think they should attempt relationships. There's a reason why God created RentBoy.com.
If everything is In God's Hands, why the fuck does he need a gun?
Selah, shalom, amen, and cocked.
I'm off tomorrow so I'm about to engage in some wanton endangerments myself.
Hiram Lewis?
Hiram WALKER, if I know anything about it!
Police got suspicious when Hiram Lewis called them and told them to "just ignore" any calls from Stephen Bogart.
If he'd been Black or Latino, the SWAT team would have been there three weeks ago and they'd all be died. And people complain about police department cutbacks.
Upon hearing the news, NRA's Wayne La Pussyfart Lapierre reportedly snorted: "Shot him in the leg? We teach them better than that!".
Hacks smiling in their mug shots has become the norm, but hacks giving come hither looks in their mug shots is just plain wrong.
Good thing you can drink all those fuckers under the table, then, innit?
Just take care of your liver when you can, dood.
Do you hang out with Waylon and Willie and the boys?[Thanks for bringing back Sharkcat/Behemoth by the way!]—
That's sweet. Newbies should be encouraged. (Hugs the girl)
Well, Waylon's dead almost a decade, and Willie's nearing 80, but I have attended a couple Willie picnics out there, many moons ago.
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