suckers

Mitt Romney’s Honking Bus Totally Sticks It To Rival High School

Aging College Republicans will never lack for workWell howdy doo, no one told us the first Lincoln-Douglas debate of the season was going to be today: “Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s guerrilla tactics continued Thursday, as the campaign bus circled the venue where President Barack Obama will be speaking this afternoon… the bus honked its horn dozens of times, before circling around to do it again.” Well. This is a new thing. Sure, the McCain campaign would do this from time to time ’08. But it wasn’t a planned campaign tactic, just the inevitable result of a staffer leaving car keys next to the Ambien bottles in McCain’s hotel room.

This is fine, though. Let’s have more of this. Hell, make it the entire campaign from now on, just an escalating series of juvenile pranks. The Romney bus comes to honk and drive in circles at an Obama event, then Obama sneaks up on Romney for a kidney punch, Romney slips down the White House chimney to collect Obama’s scalp, Michelle Obama takes a shit in Tagg Romney’s driveway, Ann Romney steals the nuke codes and sets off 100 nukes, Joe Biden digs up George Romney’s body and puts his hand up to the corpse’s balls like he’s fondling them and Instagrams five different version of the pic, Mitt Romney kidnaps Sasha and Malia and doesn’t return them, Obama puts Romney’s hand in hot water while he’s sleeping and Mitt Romney wets the bed and finally concedes defeat.

Or spend give more months spewing feel-good talking points about nothing and repeat them every day and wonder why know one shows up to vote. That’s a more traditional campaign model

[Buzzfeed]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • shortsandpants

    Mittens just wanted to remind everyone that he was still a honky.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, like there's any danger of anyone forgetting.

    • valgal2342

      Quick! Someone slap some truck nuts on that bus!

  • Barb

    This election is going to cost a billion dollars while some children will go to bed hungry tonight. There has to be a better way.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Well Jonathan Swift had a modest proposal about hunger.

      • TribecaMike

        Mitt's ancestors came from England, so they might consider that proposal to be way too Irish.

    • Fox n Fiends

      Americans spend billions on illegal drugs and gambling at casinos.

      BUT DON'T RAISE TAXES ONE CENT!! WE CAN'T AFFFORD IT!!!!

      • Barb

        Wow, you just described my vacation that starts here in a couple of hours.

        • bobbert

          Are you going to the WSOP?

      • poorgradstudent

        Well to be fair it's far better to have higher fees and tolls than taxes because shut up socialist.

      • AncienReggie

        But if you do raise taxes, don't spend it feeding hungry children! Corporations and defense contractors are people too, my friend.

    • JustPixelz

      Bus duels are the worst form of government. Except for all the others.

    • emmelemm

      Too serious, sad now.

      • Barb

        I didn't mean to make you sad. I'm truly sorry.
        If I win the poker tournament I will come back and buy you the prettiest pony you've ever seen.

        • emmelemm

          Hooray!

          It's OK, I'm no sadder than I ever am when contemplating the state of the world.

          • Barb

            You should come with me and be my good luck charm. It's fun to get leggy cocktail servers to go and fetch candied apples for us when we need something to nosh on.

            Are you any good at poker?

          • emmelemm

            Sadly, not really. I'll wish you luck, though!

          • Barb

            Thanks!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Editor needed, Jim.

    Also, too, why can't we have more vile invective-hurling?

  • bumfug

    "OK, who's the asshole that TPed the White House?"

  • didgen

    Honk if you're horny Mitt!

  • johnnymeatworth

    Next, Mittens will call the Obama campaign to ask if they have Prince Albert in a can.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Or if his refrigerator is running.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Or if his nose is running and if his feet smell

  • Callyson

    Oh, please let that bus break down in West Hollywood, like Gingrinch's bus. The residents of Boys Town will have a field day with these jerks…

    • OneYieldRegular

      West Hollywood? Hell, I 'd like to see it break down in East St. Louis.

    • Guppy

      It won't. When Mittens pays his mechanics on credit, his credit is actually good.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Mitten's bus is horny? Take it to Jiffy Lube for a good hosing.

  • veritass

    That black man is reminding people that America is rigged in favor of my owner? ROMNEY BUS WILL DROWN THAT NOISE OUT HONK HONK HONK HONK.

    Romney Bus programmed by same person that programmed Romney. HONK HONK HONK HONK.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Note to Mittens, Obama knows the Chicago way.

  • Callyson

    As reported on Fox: sources say DNC will deploy "truth telling teams" to events in each city Romney will visit on his bus tour

    We tell the truth, they honk and make fun. Pretty accurate description of the campaign so far…

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Wow, who knew the Romney campaign was this rude?

    • scvirginia

      Jes' a few NASCAR fans in plastic ponchos, a cafe owner in Podunksville, and almost every other sentient being in the universe?

      • Generation[redacted]

        Even the trianic energy beings in the Delta Quadrant? Yep, even the residents of the dark matter nebula know this.

        • scvirginia

          Just free-associating here, but in the 80's there was this charming Scottish movie called 'Gregory's Girl' & one of the catch phrases was "It's a well-known fact"… http://www.hulu.com/watch/185085

  • gullywompr

    Needz moar vevuzelas.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Oh sure, it's all fun until someone loses an eye.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Barack Obama, Leader of the Free World.

    Mitt Romney, 8th Grader.

    • JustPixelz

      Leader of the 8th grade.

      • sullivanst

        Or at least everyone else lets him say he's the leader so he'll stop asking to be all the frickin' time

      • TribecaMike

        Bully of the seventh graders.

        • glamourdammerung

          Bully of the seventh fifth graders.

          Fixed that to more accurately reflect the Party of Limbaugh.

          • TribecaMike

            Thanks

  • sullivanst

    Is this going to be Romney's campaign theme?

    "I'm a jerk, vote for me?"

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      It's worked for every other elected Republican.

      • sullivanst

        Trudat.

    • scvirginia

      He heard it was 'Honk if you love Billionaires Day'. Which is why noone else was honking.

    • bobbert

      More precisely, "I'm a white jerk, vote for me."

  • edgydrifter

    Bus drives around; asshole honks horn. You can't explain it.

    • gullywompr

      Bus doing dougnuts in the parking lot… Guess they still haven't correctly identified it…

    • WhatTheHeck

      Its the bus from “Speed.” If it ever slows down or stops, it’ll explode.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Because a bus going around in circles is such an auspicious, inspiring metaphor for one's campaign?

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And making a lot of useless noise.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I know it's difficult to see anything positive in this, but still, it shows significant improvement over shoving people to the ground and cutting off their hair.

    • scvirginia

      Well, yeah, if you like diesel fumes…

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Uh Oh, this is going to end up with someone getting a haircut …

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      May I just point out the beautiful symmetrical synchronicity in these back-to-back comments?

      • scvirginia

        A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

  • Baconzgood

    I just want to point out when the bus started honking the students got out of their seats to look. Thus pissing away the limited period time that the history teacher has in discussing the constitution's 7th amendment.

    • scvirginia

      Until we can officially pay them less, we can undermine 'em in other ways.

  • Fox n Fiends

    i just love Moroni-fueled hijinx.

  • sbj1964

    Mommy,why does it rain? Well it rains when Jesus cries.Mommy,why would Jesus cry? Jesus cries every time a person tells a lie,son.Mommy Mitt Romeny is giving a speech today,better take your umbrella.Kids know it's bad to lie.Why dose Mittens keep making Jesus cry?

  • Estproph

    Romney is just doing a bizarre remake of Speed. He's cast himself as Keanu Reeves, and Dennis Hopper is coming back strapped to the bus roof.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Obama will eventually catch Romney with his magic pants down.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      During their first debate if we're lucky.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    The Rmoneys were honking for the valet to come detail the bus.

    • scvirginia

      Heehee!

    • Generation[redacted]

      "You mean that's not the valet? That's the President?!?!"

      • emmelemm

        Mumble mumble mop handle mumble.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Romney's campaign downfall begins the moment he steals Obama's Mascot. You can't handle the Biden, Mitt.

    • MozakiBlocks

      The mental image of someone attempting to steal Joe Biden just sent me into gales of laughter.

      Thank you for that.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        The Ransom of Red Chief.

    • glamourdammerung

      The Biden would go along with it too, if only to raid Romney's fridge.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wait until Mitt uses his police officer disguise to pull the Obama bus over — that'll be loads of fun.

  • bringmeanaxe

    The Obama campaign can just put up signs around the venue: Honk If You Support The President.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe you can get a job with Team Obama. That's fucking great.

    • Generation[redacted]

      That so needs to happen. Please someone make it happen. You know he's going to drive around honking at the next speech, and it shouldn't be difficult to prepare.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Top Story this afternoon: White House totally covered in T.P. Flaming bag of dog poo found on front stairs.

  • chascates

    What happened to the dog on the roof of the bus?

  • gullywompr

    Hey, McFly! I thought I told you never to come in here!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Praise be to Kolob.

  • Steverino247

    Important safety tip for Romney (or at least the driver and other occupants): The man you're trying to irritate commands the use of these: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AGM-114_Hellfire

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Romney's team will then totally disassemble the Affordable Care Act and then reassemble it on the roof of the Capitol Building.

    • Limeylizzie

      How excellent would it be if Barry had Mittens arrested?

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        LL, where ya been? I just finished a book you should read. Winter in Madrid by C.J. Sansom.

        • Limeylizzie

          I was unable to look at the maimed goats and pigs! I am off to Amazon to check on that book!

        • Limeylizzie

          You should try two by Simon Mawer “Trapeze” and “The Glass Room”.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            On it. Thanks.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      That brown goo dripping down the side of the building? Freedom.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Romney pitch to his campaign team:

    "Ok, ok ok, get this! We all dress up in blackface, right? and stand in the front at Obama's next speech and when he's talking we go "Oooh ooh,Ima black man. He so good oooh where's my Solyndra and my welfare?" and then we run a way laughing and just, like laaaughin' …"

    • DocChaos

      I'm pretty sure I've heard Rush Limbaugh do this bit, but using "blackvoice" instead of blackface.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Obama's Sharia Bus honks each day for Mid Day Prayer.

  • coolhandnuke

    A magic panties raid is next.

  • widestanceromance

    This should not be getting press, since it will only encourage Willard to do it again–with crated dogs on top.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I totally get why even Republicans hate this guy.

  • JackDempsey1

    I used to live in Cleveland.
    This honking was was standard behavior for visitors looking for the interstate on-ramp.

    • JustPixelz

      HA HA. You can't fool me. To have an interstate on ramp, Cleveland would have to in one of the states. And we know … wait … what? … really.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      To be fair, it could be hard to see the interstate what with all the smoke from the river being on fire.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Leave Cleveland alone, it's a great place to have used to have lived in! El Lay has been drowning in a bowl of smoke for 50 years!

        Jeez, that happened in '69, and they've been cleaning it up since then: http://www.cleveland.com/science/index.ssf/2009/0

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Judging by all the people who still think Pittsburgh has steel mills in it, Cleveland has another 40 years to go before people forget the burning river.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Ha, I got out of Cleveland before I got into sports or developed that Cleveland-Pittsburgh football animosity. I will rib a bratwurst-chomping cheesehead about the Packers collapse last season though. (Chicagoans are just as much bratwurst-chomping cheese eaters, I guess that's why we mock them.)

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          I have family in Cleveland. I discovered once that they are touchy when you make "river on fire" jokes so I go back to the well often.

          And leave El Lay alone! Our smog levels have been going down for many years. Why, on a summer day like today the hills are not obscured by a veil of brown goo hanging in the air and children and old people are almost never ordered to stay inside anymore. That's progress.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            What part of Cleveland? I grew up to age 14 on the east side, near Shaker Heights, and my relatives now live in the east suburbs. I don't know nothin' about the west side or west suburbs. And I've been in Chicago since '74, so I'm just a Cleveland Frequent Visitor.

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            Matter of fact, I've got an aunt and uncle who live in Shaker, right on Shaker Heights Blvd. They've been there about twenty years and I think I've been to their house twice. In addition, my grandmother was a native who lived in Cleveland until she married my grandfather, and her brother and his wife lived there all their lives and raised their kids there. Couldn't tell you what part of the city any of them lived in, though. There is a long history of my penguin forbears living in Cleveland, is what I'm saying.

    • Guppy

      You would have us believe that people actually visited Cleveland?

      • JackDempsey1

        People have relatives.
        That's how they find out about the outside world.

        Can't say more now.

      • sullivanst

        I actually visited Cleveland. More than once, even.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Been there twice in one visit!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      What? Did they think it was like a remote control thing? Honk and a ramp magically descends from I80?

  • elviouslyqueer

    What next? Rmoney distributing slam books at the next campaign stop?

    • Limeylizzie

      I have no idea what those are, but sounds good.

      • elviouslyqueer

        These, darling. And please to note the special emphasis on "usually done in middle school, by girls" qualifier.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    This is also good news for John McCain.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Hey, you aren't a member of one of the world's fastest growing religion w/o learning something about marketing.

    • sullivanst

      Mumble mumble birthrates mumble.

    • TribecaMike

      LOL but the "one of the world's fastest growing religions" meme is actually a myth. There are roughly as many Mormons in the world as there are Jews (around 13 to 14 million), but you never hear Judaism called one of the fastest growing religions.

    • glamourdammerung

      Does the "fastest growing" number including posthumous baptisms? Every Mormon I have asked just gets feigned indignation when I ask them that.

  • coolhandnuke

    I remember this movie–"Revenge Of the Turds III a Bus Going in Circles."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Mitt's new campaign slogan: "I Know You Are, But What Am I?"

  • JustPixelz

    This drive around honking is pretty much how Dubya looked for bin Laden. Also how he picked his VP. Probably got him laid once in high school so he used whenever possible.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Actually, Bush picked his VP by asking Cheney to drive around honking. McCain picked up his VP trying to buy weed in the Target parking lot.

      • sullivanst

        McCain picked up his VP trying to buy weed in the Target parking lot.

        Presumably because he'd just blown through his last ounce chain-smoking Camberwell Carrots.

  • poorgradstudent

    See, here's the thing. Romney isn't even really all that good at being an asshole.

    • sullivanst

      Even though he's had soooooo much practice.

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      By damn, that was a seriously insightful comment there, poorgradstudent. Kudos and an upfist.

      • poorgradstudent

        Awww shucks.

  • niblick77

    Mitt is still just a juvenile delinquent at heart.

  • glamourdammerung

    If the pranks starts involving drone strikes, I might be fine with it.

  • ttommyunger

    Time to unburden myself: I am so fucking sick of this back and forth I have trimmed my incoming emails by more than half. Even cut people I respect, including Al Franken (continually begging for more moneeze). I am being forced by the drip, drip, drip of negative energy to simply divert my gaze. I still plan to vote for Barry & Co., but I am burned out and it's only June. A pox on both houses!

  • Nostrildamus

    The 2nd paragraph is what I come to Wonkette for – ideas.

  • Baconzgood

    You're move POTUS! I suggest a ring-&-run with a flaming bag of dog poo.

  • Exhausted66

    I'm guessing that Romney sticker is the first time Mitt's ever been on a bus.

  • glamourdammerung

    I have an idea for a prank: they dig up Bishop Romney's dad and baptize him as a Christian. It would be a laugh riot.

  • coolhandnuke

    Needz a Dukes of Hazzard Dixie horn and a Mr Microphone.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Honking your horn at a political rally? Is that the Mormon equivalent of making it rain at a strip club?

  • Nostrildamus

    Proper response from Obama supporters was have been:

    "Hey driver! Your dog fell off!"

  • SayItWithWookies

    I was at an Obama campaign event in Richmond in 1998 and a big military truck in camo paint with McCain signs all over it did the same thing outside the arena where we waited in line. So I'm thrilled to see that Mitt's using the time-tested tactics of the previous Republican loser. Also, when I go to another Obama rally I'll be sure to bring some bumper stickers to plaster onto said vehicle when it shows up again. Maybe not an Obama sticker, as funny as that would be — maybe the one I've always wanted to make to put on mean people's cars that says "I'd rather be f*cking your wife."

    • Limeylizzie

      Darling, I think you mean 2008.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Yeah it's always later than I think — usually only by a few hours, but every so often a decade.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Careful Mittens, your a prime target for a wedgie.

  • Generation[redacted]

    President Mittens is going to drive around honking until the economy improves.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    The Nixon team had the guts to break into the Democratic Headquarters.

    This is just annoying, Mittens. At least try to commit some felonies trying to win the election and maybe the Republicans will finally like you.

  • SoBeach

    Central Rules! Eastside High School Sux!

  • mormos

    Speaking of Juvenile pranks

    We’ve seen what happened in Wisconsin with Walker outspending Barrett 8 to 1 after destroying the unions that provide financial backing to the Democratic Party. We’ve seen what is happening in Florida, with Rick Scott flat out ignoring the Justice Department (in clear violation of the law) and continuing to purge voter rolls. Now there is Michigan, where the Republican held congress has, in violation of their state constitution, passed a new law to take effect immediately making it more difficult to vote. In fact, 14 states (constituting 70% of the delegates needed to win the general election) have recently passed laws making it more difficult to vote. All this is word of Maddow (if you want a source). The police have done their best to dismantle occupy (though there was no such effort against the tea party). This is dirty politics like I didn’t even know was possible in this country.

    Anyone else starting to get real nervous about November? Can anyone a bit older tell me if there is any precedent for stuff like this?

    • TribecaMike

      Nixon 1972?

    • Rotundo_

      I was worried 40 years ago, now it is more a grim acceptance of the facts on the ground. As for precedents, not really, we are in a stupid new world.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Governor Wallace and Jim Crow laws? Quite a lot of popular support for voter suppression back in those days.

  • GortRay

    Mitten's campaign knows exactly what they are doing. The average Republic(sic) Party voter has the IQ of a turnip and the world view of a 13 year old animal torturer. Driving a bus in circles and blowing the horn is sophisticated campaigning to them.

  • Beowoof

    The sheer grade school stupidity of this is annoying, but what it says about the republicans opinion of the American electorate is telling. They believe that most Americans have the mentality of a sixth grade boy trying to get even with someone. Sigh, the problem is that I am beginning to think they are right.

  • __kth__

    They seem to think that just because their guys, when shadowed, blurt out random and obscure racial epithets like "hey, macaca!", that everyone does this. Seems like flawed reasoning.

    • sullivanst

      You seem to think that just because you use reasoning, that everyone does this.

      :P

  • pinkocommi

    Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! We totally should toilet paper Mitten's house! Which ones? All of them, Katie.

  • io9k9s

    Mitt is a master of diplomacy indeed! China is just gonna love this guy, there is nothing they like more than loosing face for a few good laughs…..

  • anniegetyerfun

    I look forward to the first Presidential debate, in which RMoney and a group of his friends hold President Obama down on stage and shave his head*.

    *This would not take long.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Were there kids smoking pot outside, by any chance? Perhaps Mittens simply wanted to alert the authorities.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    This is the campaign that sent Obama headquarters their used pizza. They can't even do pranks right.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    I've never gone to BuzzFeed before…holy cow! Those commentators must be the most racist, vile shit sacks I've ever read!

  • TribecaMike

    Kudos to the Obama folks for taking advantage of the situation and pushing several GOD HATES FAGS freaks into the path of the bus.

    Save the date and protest at their fucking funerals.

  • fitley

    I imagined Romney's bus being much shorter.

  • James Michael Curley

    Obama could end this stupidity if he sent a Predator Drone to circle the next venue at which Romney was speaking.

  • CapnRadio

    Did Pam Geller pinch-post that last paragraph, Jim?

  • DahBoner

    "Honk if you need a new wife"

  • Soylent Green

    Honk if you support Gay Pride, Romney!!