call me maybe

After Obama’s quashing of lapsed aisle-straddler John McCain in 2008, people apparently thought this loser and winner could come together and do great things, as if the election were a tie or something, as if this were post-Blair England and the leadership options were so bad that the options had to band together in a coalition of mediocrity. People (Rick Santorum) apparently thought there was a place for McCain in Obama’s icy, aloof heart. But actually there was not ever, because Obama was and remains as previously described. Still, new scandals (that isn’t true) are coming to light, namely that McCain feels he was snubbed by Obama following the election. Snubbed! This is truly shocking. OUR OBAMA, snubbing someone?

In an exclusive interview with the Hill, McCain said (no clue what the question was, but probably, “Can you say something rude about the president?”):

Let’s get real here. There was never any outreach from President Obama or anyone in his administration to me.

Dude the President does not reach out TO ANYONE except Osama Bin Laden. Get in line! A line to nowhere.

So basically McCain denied claims that he rebuffed Obama following the election. In the words of ye Hill:

He said he expressed eagerness to work with the president on immigration reform and the line-item veto, but has been left out in the cold.

This despite the fact that experts (fine, Rick Santorum) described McCain as clear winner Barack Obama’s “ace in the hole.”

Oh, and this is good. Apparently Obama invited McCain to the White House in 2009, and McCain responded, “I’d love to join you,” and then he…

never heard from him.

Apparently Obama had been impressed by an op-ed that McCain had written following the Gaby Giffords shooting.

“We discussed two issues, immigration reform and the line-item veto, which I’m still a supporter of,” McCain recalled. “He said, ‘We’ll be getting back to you.’ I never heard from him, never heard from him again.”

Fin. [The Hill]

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  • Come here a minute

    No, John, you were snubbed by the voters.

    • McCain's just upset that Obama intercepted the doob.

      • McCain was standing there chatting up America with all his best pickup lines, and then Barry cruises up and says to her, "shouldn't we be naked right now?" What an asshole!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I think Santorum was misquoted. I'm pretty sure that he said that Juan McCain was "Obama's asshole."

  • anniegetyerfun

    But you still have Sarah Palin, and you're so proud of all she has accomplished, right?

    • We'll always have Sarah Palin. Unfortunately.

      • Baconzgood

        No wonder he won't call him back. Would talk to Pandora after she opened the box?

        • I'm sure Barry's just expressing how most of us feel about Palin when he refuses to return McAncient's calls.

  • metamarcisf

    Despite an initial period of resentment, Nixon and Kennedy became best buddies, especially after JFK's death.

    • Well, once THAT happened, their friendship was pretty much set in stone, if you get my drift.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh John, STFU and go drown yourself in a bucket of Metamucil.

  • On the other hand, what did McCainiac have to offer besides grandstanding, media whoring and making assholish faces behind… what was it you, Walnuts, called him? Oh yeah, THAT ONE.

    • When not drooling and attempting to grab his beautiful ass.

  • scvirginia

    So Lovelorn McCain sought solace in the arms of Joe & Lindsey. All makes sense, now.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I never heard from him, never heard from him again.”

    He's just not that into you.

  • sbj1964

    Old people are funny,and sad at the same time.John McCain shot down over Nam,and America.

    • This is a rough crowd. It is not funny and sad to me, just sad. I don't understand why he even tries at this point. Article itself isn't a problem. Such things happen. And this is Wonkette. It is supposed to be snarky humor, including political humor. But these comments are so sharp edged. Sigh.

  • Major Thom

    Ol' chipmunk cheeks needs to tell his daughter to take off the feedbag once in a while.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Put down the fork, step away from the steam table, and get in line at the salad bar, baby."

  • Baconzgood

    "You're check's in the mail John", hangs up phone and turns to an aid, "HAHAHA! What a fucking dope."


  • SorosBot

    Aw, poow widdle Johnny's feewwing are huwt.

    • That's really unfair, his feeling was tortured out of him in the Hanoi Hilton. Just ask him, he's talks about it all the time.

      • He was a high-level prisoner, and therefore not subjected to torture. There are plenty of photos of him en route back from Hanoi sans crutches, walking without a problem. On the InterToobz, even. Any damage he suffered, he did to himself by hotdogging instead of obeying orders, and being a shitty pilot, at that.

  • Not_So_Much


    • LesBontemps

      Also, "Hey you kids, get off my lawn!" too.

  • How dare Obama snub McCain, and after all the jolly good times that Bush invited Al Gore and JFKerry to enjoy. Remember that time Al, W. and Kerry formed a water ski pyramid in kennebunkport?

    • I don't know how these mothafuckas can work up such a fine, high head of poutrage day after day about these non-issues, when the whole fucking world is burning up around our ears.

      • Katydid

        That is why, m'dear. Look, over there so you don't look over here.

  • *regards photo*

    I used to think John McCain resembled Paul Simon with less hair and more penchant for acting. Now I wonder if it's more apt to say, Jason Robards with less booze but more penchant for drama.

    • I thought he resembled the CryptKeeper from Tales of the Crypt, myself.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dood, here's how it works. You lose, you are consigned to history's scrapheap. You do not get to become some kind of honorary second place figurehead. Who remembers who lost the Super Bowl in 1994? Do you see my point?

    • The only way McCain will *ever* see your point is if you prang him with it all the way up to his tonsilz.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Buffalo Bills Libel! (Seriously, pick just about any other year – everyone remembers the Bills shitting the bed 4 straight).

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Didn't think it completely through, because I figured I couldn't pull any single year out of the air that someone here wouldn't remember.

  • scvirginia

    Of course, it's not possible that McCain's the one having memory issues?

    • anniegetyerfun

      And I never heard from him again! Peanut butter! What was the question? Beaver pelts.

      • Jesus. That reminds me of my conversations with my father in his later years.

        Me: How's the weather, Dad?
        Dad: Chickens? No, we only had that one duck.
        Me: The weather. How's the weather.
        Dad: I had nothing to do with it. The feathers were everywhere.
        Me: Dad, is it RAINING out there?
        Dad: That's what your uncle says, but you know, he's been like that since he lost his wife.
        Me: ??? G'night, Dad.
        Dad: They fit just fine. Just fine.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Aw. I didn't mean to mock. I mean, just Old Man McCain.

          • Oh, hey, no, I didn't take it like that. I mean, it frustrated me to hell and back at the time, but it's hilarious in retrospect. Because of the time difference, I'd be out on the deck at 2 am bellowing into the breeze, and we had these conversations that were just cut-and-paste non-sequiturs. Now I think I should write them all down.

          • HoytClagwell

            If they're all as funny as that exchange, I think you should.

          • Thank you kindly, Hoyt.

        • Veritas78

          This is just plain brilliant. You gotta use this somehow.

  • Not_So_Much

    They should let him go recklessly crash another jet in Italy to make him feel better.

    • Major Thom

      That'll make number six. One of those in combat.

  • Baconzgood

    McCain went on to say "And he said he was going to Cold Play with me and meet me in the parking lot and tail gate before the concert and I bought him tickets for him and Michelle and everything and he didn't show up and he didn't, like, return my calls or, like, text me back. Those tickets were front row, which he insisted we get, which cost like $80 each, and he promised to even give me gas money for my trouble and buy me a case of beer and everything. What a dick."

    • And if anyone asks, "Who?" he'll reply, "Of course, that was back before there WAS a South Vietnam," and chortle to himself, and nobody will be any the wiser.

      The guy's been deteriorating mentally for years. Someone strap him into the center of a table, cut the top off his skull, and hand out the long silver spoons. It's time for a brainfeast.

  • didgen

    I generally prefer an ass straddler to an aisle straddler, but since we're talking old John here I'm OK with the aisle thing.

  • Antispandex

    " He said he expressed eagerness to work with the president on immigration reform and the line-item veto…."

    Um, Mc Old does know that it wasn't Reagan that beat him, right?

  • "That One" is the Frank of his own Rat Pack, not the Sammy of yours, so suck it, Walnuts.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You get an A+ for today, Chet.

    • Insufficient upfists.

      • scvirginia

        But I gave him all I could give…

  • Hell hath no fury like an unprincipled, dusty old fathead scorned.

  • This is obviously good news for John McCain.

  • My ego! My beautiful, wounded ego!

    Yeah John, you swing hard to the right on immigration to win re-election in 2010 and then wonder why the president has never reached out to you on immigration reform. Maybe because his administration has managed to deport more illegals than W without resorting to "finish the danged fence"-level grandstanding? Just a thought.

  • bringmeanaxe

    One of the problems with politics: all that massive (but fragile) male ego getting in the way.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Great grav.

  • glamourdammerung

    What a pretentious little old haggard queen.

  • Mojopo

    Fuck you, Walnuts. Let's talk about the way you snubbed Bowe Bergdahl, an American prisoner of war being held by the Taliban. Truly, fuck off you fucker.

    • McCain's been surprisingly unconcerned about MIA/POW issues, considering he was a POW himself and adopted it as his flagship issue.

    • Generation[redacted]

      And don't forget how he snubbed Letterman, saying he had to rush off to Washington to fix the economy or something.

      • Mojopo


  • bumfug

    McCain's just lucky that Obama didn't lock him in cell and have him make propaganda in favor of national health care. You know he'd have done it for an extra serving of broth.

    • An_Outhouse

      They could have hung him by his arms until he cooperated.

    • I bleev he offered to cooperate before they even *did* anything to him. His fellow prisoners didn't call him "songbird" for nothing.

      • "Walnuts singing in the dead of — night…"

        • You're on FIRE today!

        • scvirginia

          You were only waiting for this moment to arrive, weren't ya?

  • freakishlywrong

    Fuck all. I wish the fucking Sunday shows would snub him.

  • An_Outhouse

    Uppity negro must snub someone or he wouldn't be uppity. It was just McCain's turn.

  • Callyson

    Bob Dole's departure from politics to make Viagra ads is starting to look like a classy move after all…

    • OneYieldRegular

      At the very least, it displayed a remarkable quality of raw honesty sadly lacking in what today passes for the Republican Party.

  • If only McCain had some hot, new, blonde lobbyist tail to chase around a conference table, he'd be distracted from stewing on these slights! But the whole "running for President" thing put the saltpeter in that action, and besides, he's too old to even remember an erection.

    • not that Radio

      Wasn't he only running for president so he could find some more [sexual] partners? I mean, more than just Sarah Palin?

      • Are you saying she hopped on his bandwagon?!

        • Chichikovovich

          Let him shoot her wolf from his helecopter?

          • not that Radio

            Palled around with his terrorist?

  • OneYieldRegular

    John McCain selected Sarah Palin as his running-mate. Why in god's name would anyone reach out to someone who displayed that kind of judgment?

  • People who need people, are the neediest people in the world…

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    Maybe Barry was afraid ol Walnuts would call Sasha a cunt trollop

  • SmutBoffin

    John who? Oh! The Sarah Palin guy!

    I remember him.

  • gullywompr

    los·er (lzr) n.
    a. One that fails to win: the losers of the game.
    b. One who takes loss in a specified way: a graceful loser; a poor loser.
    a. One that fails consistently, especially a person with bad luck or poor skills
    b. One that is bad in quality.

  • Not to put too fine a point upon it, John, but there are at least 329,999,999 other people vying for his attention, and most of them are not WASHED UP SENILE OLD LOSERS.

    This does not include the 7.x billion others who would like a word.

  • widestanceromance

    Hey, it's not like Walnuts offered a high five to Obama.

    Oh, yeah, that's right, because he can't! McCain is still bitter that he couldn't even win his LAST CHANCE EVER TO BE PRESIDENT against a Kenyan socialist.

    More HAHAHAHA. . .

  • That's just gay!

  • Baconzgood

    Would you prefer knockanore or brie with your whine Johnny?

  • An_Outhouse

    When you're rude and nasty to people they have a tendency to snub you.

    • Oh yes, I remember this well. That was the start of the beef that Barry decisively won, and Walnuts just can't stand it.

    • Damn, I love that Barry. Straight to the point, never rude, never petty. I wouldn't have wasted that opportunity to stick the shiv in.

  • dijetlo

    "We’ll be getting back to you.’ I never heard from him, never heard from him again.”

    "Wehget Vlackto'u " is Vulcan for "suck it", Walnuts

  • SayItWithWookies

    So John McCain — who went from being a maverick to a conservative who never claimed he was a maverick, is now a moderate? And he swears he got snubbed when his plan to cut the Recovery Act funding in half and direct most of it to tax cuts was rejected by the Senate, and his ideas about giving people a peanut butter jar so they could save their pennies in it and call it healthcare reform didn't fly?

    Someone please give this has-been a stack of phone books to stand on so he can climb up on his cross.

  • not that Radio

    "I think the fundamentals of my friendship with That One are sound"

  • Barry did reach out Walnutz, but the level of detail you gave in polishing his Florsheims was just not up to snuff.

  • "After all I did for that one he can't even lift the phone to call me on Washed Up Losers day.

  • greenide1

    “You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates.” — Richard M. Nixon

    Gotta hand it to McCain. He's even more of a sore loser than Tricky Dick.

  • Beetagger

    McCain is as much of an attention-whore as Trump.

  • Baconzgood


  • Ruhe

    Dear John,
    It's been brought to my attention that you feel you've been snubbed. Dude, you've been saved. I saved you. I've spent the last three plus years trying to clean up the steaming pile your boy W left here and it ain't going good. And now I might be reduced to a one-termer by a guy who wears magic underpants. You're welcome. I saved your ass by beating it…so fuck off already.


  • Jus_Wonderin

    Snubbed? Hell Walnuts, you had the heavy stench of Palin on you. I snub you too.

  • HarryButtle

    Oh, fer fuck's sake. When they're not burning Obama effigy, they're acting all butt-hurt because he's mean to them.

    You had your chance, McCain, but you wanted to be a hard-line, rightwing, fence-building, Palin-nominating, bomb-throwing douchebag. Now you pay the piper.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    If Obama was real gentleman, he would have invited McCain up on stage during the inauguration, stepped aside and said: "here buddy, you deserve this more than me."

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Hey Walnuts, Obama didn't invite you to the White House cos he don't like to bitchslap the old people.

  • Exhausted66

    Hey, you just beat me. And this sounds crazy, but here's my number so call me maybe?

  • Right, because I certainly remember how magnamous Bush and co were to Gore and Kerry, remember all the rumors they didn't start about the Clinton admin vandalizing the White House on the way out?

  • Estproph

    Why don't repubs ever get the idea that when they lose, it means they aren't the ones in charge?

    • Ah, well you might recall that immediately after November 2008, someone was all bipartisany and filled his Administration with right-wing Democrats and Republicans.

      And insisted that Health Care Reform get bipartisan votes in Congress.

      And gave Bush, Cheney, and Rove a pass for all their crimes because "we're looking forwards and not backwards".

      Quite a shame for the rest of us, all that.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      George W. lost his first election and he still got to be in charge.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "We could be like, co-president."

  • prommie

    The Hill, whoa, what Journamalism! They have discovered the long-concealed secret that Obama and McCain are from different parties, and ran against each other!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    John, don't you know you can never be friends with your exes? It's better to just make a clean break of it, trust me.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Yeah, how come their not besties the way Bush Jr. and Kerry were?

  • cheetojeebus

    Someone needs to find the Thomas Kinkaid painting in which is hidden the final piece of ol' crusty's soul and destroy it so we can be free of this malevolent beast. There's gotta be some bespeckled geeky adolescent with a single chopstick just crazy enough to succeed? It's mankind's only hope!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    So in this story, is McCain giving the blowjob or punching someone out?

  • shortsandpants

    If Barry would have just agreed that Walnuts should have won in the first place, none of this would have happened.

    • not that Radio

      That would have been the bipartisan solution. But then Joe Scarborough would have found something else to whine about 4 hours a day for 31/2 years. No net benefit.

  • chascates

    Most bitter, angry old men stay home and fume rather than cry like a little sissy girl in public.

  • SockBunny

    I heard the Secret Service saw the results of McMask's psych exam and barred him from the White House.

  • kingofmeh

    umm, maybe john mccain should try saying things which are, you know, true.

    here's him "working with obama" on immigration reform in 2010, by insisting that obama "secure the border" before talking about immigration reform.

    here's mccain getting cranky with the president because health care reform was hammered out among democrats, in 2010.

    here's mccain crapping on the president's strategy in afghanistan in 2010.

    here is john mccain calling the stimulus bill "generational theft" three months after the election and three weeks after obama took office.

    he also voted against the confirmation of justice sotomayor, etc. yes, why didn't the president spend more time holding john mccain's hand?

  • ttommyunger

    Fucked over by five crappy airplanes that couldn't stay in the air, fucked over by the staff of the Hanoi Hilton, fucked over by the Senate during the S&L Scandal, fucked over by Dubya during your first run and the final indignity: fucked over by a young, inexperienced uppity Blah. Looks like everyone has caught on, John. You are a fucking loser, big-time. Live with it; or don't.

    • SockBunny

      This. And only This.

  • elburritodeluxe

    So maybe if Obama did take 15 – 30 minutes to touch base with Walnuts, he could have had a Republican vote on the Health Care Act.

    • Nostrildamus

      And maybe if I cross my fingers behind my back and wish really hard, Christie Brinkley will show up at my doorstep in a negligee.

  • timbo71351

    McCain's twilight years have been pitiful. Choosing Palin as a running mate, flip-flopping on immigration, spending a shitload of his wife's money to beat a numbskull who looked like Barney Rubble in the Arizona GOP primary, acting like a giant dick over gays in the military and turning into a 13-year-old girl over the 2008 election returns.
    Fuck you, John McCain.

    • SockBunny

      I think I love you.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "Let's do lunch sometime. Don't call us – we'll call you. Ciao, baby…"

  • Tundra Grifter

    "Elections have consequences."

    ~ Sen. John McCain

  • howifeltersnach

    John, during the campaign, you kept refering to Senator Obama as "that man," or "that one." You were pretty brutal with all the Joe the (unlicenced) plumber nonsense as well.

    On the senate floor in 2008, Senator Obama reached out to shake your hand, and John, you turned away.

    You also allowed Sarah Palin into the debate. Can you now understand why the President is not your BFF?

  • TribecaMike

    I haven't read all the comments, so forgive me if I'm the 200th person to say "I'm So Ronery."

  • viennawoods13

    John should just go home and pull out his DVD of Season 7 of the West Wing- you know, when young, charismatic Jimmy Smits wins the election, and turns around and offers his old GOP opponent, Alan Alda, the job of Sec'y of State. That should make him feel better.

  • OldRedneck

    ". . . never any outreach from President Obama or anyone in his administration to me.” ???????

    Well, jesusfuckingcrhist, John, wonder why??

    After all, you asshole, it was YOUR PARTY THAT:

    — started the whole birther shit, claiming Obama is not eligible to be president

    — announced your sole goal is to make certain he's a one-term president

    — said NO to every single thing he proposed

    And you want to know why no one called you???

    Jesus, John, you are one stupid muthahfukah.

    If it'll make you feel any better, I'll reach out and invite you down here to kiss my hairy old ass. Feel better now??

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