Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Smell the loveHahaha, WOMEN. They are everywhere, just cold waving their boobs and their sideboobs in beady-eyed Fox & Friends cohost Brian Kilmeade’s mean little face. (We are going to assume we are not the only ones who can detect a whiff of Eau de Date Rape wafting in the air around Mr. Kilmeade?) And he’s always jeering and frat-boying around and he never even sticks a dollar in the Douche Jar!

Well Gretchen Carlson, who has stuck with Fox & Friends since … whenever she started there, had enough of Kilmeade’s patented clever take on ladies and how they’re always [grumble, Trumpy-thing, snitty-thing, sneer], and today her usual inner voices that kick in when she listens to the patented boorishness of Brian Kilmeade — One night, as he lies sleeping. Icepick, right in his softened skull. She knows seven ways to kill a man. She knows just the point to drive it home — well today even such lovely silken baubles of daydreams will not soothe her, and there is nothing left to do but storm off set while “laughing” shrilly. Brian Kilmeade has broken her. She is broken. She is broke.

We wonder if Gretchen Carlson and Mika B. ever get together and bring out their ninja knives of cold-forged steel and compare them, and lovingly plot the mayhem they will do. Perhaps they will switch targets, a la Throw Momma From the Train. It is perfect. A perfect plan. Kilmeade and Joe might have broken them, but they will have their Revenge.


Previous articleCelebrities Destroying America, According to Television
Next articleFailed President Sought Companionship Of President