Fred Karger, who is a gay Republican who is still running for president (how cute is that?) went to Utah and did some politicking. He met with Washington County Republican Party Chairman Willie Billings, who Karger said was “welcoming” and “friendly.” They had a nice time! Karger gave Billings a Frisbee! We would let this email (above!) from “nanette Billings” — and could someone on her husband’s staff show her how to capitalize her own name properly in her email headers? — speak for itself, but then “nanette” had MORE to say!
“My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners,” Nanette Billings told Yahoo News in a phone interview. “To get more people on his bandwagon.”
Your move, Westboro Baptist. [Yahoo, again!]
{ 260 comments }
I bet Nanette's husband was in the next stall over from Larry Craig.
Everything's wider in Utah.
That was my first thought.
Nanette are a conseritave!!! She no make make with lady cuz they no can make the baby!!!
Conservative: If you can spell it correctly, then you aren't one.
I dunno–if you can't spell, you might be MORE authentic. And maybe home-scholed
Just remember, you're responsible for giving all of us Ass Burgers.
I think you meant "babby."
u shur ladeez no mak babby? how is babby formed?
Holy Ghost squirt celestial jizz and Jesus make baby.
It's true. Ladys get pragnut.
Thnak gddoness for taht!
Yeah, his t-shirt and Frisbee is in the trash. His semen soiled underwear is still under the front seat of her husband's car though.
No, no Nanette! Looks like someone hasn't had their "ballot box" stuffed in a while.
Voted early and often I'll bet too.
Is the "frisbee & T-shirt" gift the new "interested" signal, now that "The Wide Stance" has been outed?
Correct, in Utah the new gay pick up code word is "hey how about a free frisby?" Then the buttsecks ensues.
Point of order… The item in question was a "frisby," which I believe is some type of ice cream beverage.
You are right. It is a more energetic form of a creampie.
???
Isn't it some kind of hair-do?
Holy shit…this puts those t-shirt cannons they use at events in a whole new light.
What's a "conseritave"?
It's what Wonketteers will now use to describe especially challenged Republicans, since CERTAIN words regarding the mental incompetence of Republicans have been banned.
I like this change since 'conservative' is being used by all kindsa riffraff who don't even know what conservation is…
The term is being used more liberally than in the past, but that's the progressive nature of language.
Hey, I see whatcha did there…
On a possible tangent, I saw a bumper sticker last weekend that said "Sierra Club: Kiss my axe." And this is as I'm going to Sequoia National Forest with the relatives.
Because, y'know, stewardship of the land and protecting it for your children- a conservative attitude, if you will- is for fags.
But not Log Cabin Repugs…
Totes I'm in.
Not sure, but she beleive it mean something different than he do.
Interestingly, she derived the spelling from her pronunciation.
Erbody know what a conseritave is!
Duh! Someone who's deeply concerned about the overuse of our limited supply of the letter V.
Thx 4 clarification! Now Ima gonna be proud conserative too, also!
You *misspelled* it!
Thx 4 putting the SS in misspelled, there…
I believe it's like a moron, only less intelligent.
It's someone who is a moran.
Conserativism for conseratives!
I think you mean "conseritavism".
Spelling Nazi!
I'm running for president too, because I need more partners.
With the "Rent-boys Are Too Damn High" party?
Hey! So did John Edwards and look how it turned out for him!
They're just not that easy to get. Unless you're running for President.
Just ask Herman Cain.
nanette is obviously a conseritive home-scholed in Amercia.
FTW
But, is the conseritave chillerns learning?
I can't give you a gold spelling stare or a scratch-'n'-sniff Grape Job sticker, so have an upvote instead.
Is that "gold spelling stare" like a particularly vicious form of stink-eye, or what? Because I'd love to give a "gold spelling stare" to everyone who has already misspelled "conseritave." It's not easy, creating new words, and it's not helping that everyone just feels totally cool about trampling nanette's contribution to Webster's.
…did I seriously just do that? Welp.
Oh, hey, you mean you didn't intend to? Now you HAVE to adopt it and make it your own. C'mon. It's too good to waste.
And as for that link, dood! I'm a SENsitive soul!
WHY does everyone keep misspelling "conseritave"?
Shocking.
with gud xtian morels.
there are xtian mushrooms?!
In a perfect world, the nice, friendly and welcoming Willie Billings would run off into the sunset with the nice and gay Fred Karger to have sweet, sweet loving butt sechs together, leaving the hideous, spiteful and ignorant nanette "cunt" Billings to sadly masturbate alone for the rest of her days.
Sis, I agree! How does Nanette know that the founding fathers weren't gay? Did anyone ask, "Hey Ben! What cha gonna do after you finish flying that kite?"
"I dunno, maybe dry off and go suck a dick."
On that note, who here got to fly a kite this morning or got their kite flown? Show of hands? I did! I got confused by what "Flag Day" means because Sarah Palin didn't post what my thoughts on this subject should be.
Ben was a renowned ladies man. But that Button Gwynnett?
Queer as a cock-tale
I was always suspicious about that "Han(d)cock" guy.
Some years back it was discovered by Jerry Falwell that King James (of the famous Bible translation) was in fact gay, although he fathered children to keep the gig going. There was some talk of what to to about the most famous and to evangelicals ONLY version of the Bible worth having and it was decided to just drop the whole thing.
Errrrrrrrrr, no. He wasn't. The only published statement to that effect was made 25 years after James I died by Anthony Weldon, whom James had banned from court while alive. Sort of the Breitbarting of James, if you will.
Breitbart was gay.
Not that there's anything wrong with it.
My apologies to His Majesty but not to Jerry Falwell! Now I'm thinking of Blackadder for some reason.
It's not entirely clear. He certainly had his share of "favourites," mostly male, and between the Duke of Lennox and young Carr's relationship with Overbury, there's plenty to read between the lines.
"When in the intercourse of human events…"
Along the lines of "If the glove don't fit………….", "You mustn't masturbate, 'cause it don't procreate" – words to live by, in nanette's world
"Jesus never put his hand 'down there', and neither would I!!"
If God had never intended for us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter.
He would have also never given males opposable thumbs.
There's probably some sort of mysterious Godly reason why God made our arms the exact length so that we can reach our genitalia, but not the itchy spot on our backs.
I actually knew a woman (very attractive, let me add) who said that god taught in the bible that oral sex was filthy.
I've read the bible, more than once, and I can't recall its god ever saying ANYthing about oral sex.
Isn't there a lot of good eatin' in the Song Of Solomon?
The irony is she probably masturbates to gay porn. There's just no pleasing some people.
" Enter text right here!leaving the hideous, spiteful and ignorant nanette "cunt" Billings to sadly masturbate alone for the rest of her days. " … ahahahahaha – and you have noooo idea how ' common as dirt ' that is here in Utah …. nail , meet head ….
The Founding Fathers would have thrown the Frisbee in the trash as well.
I believe many of them were Frisbeetarians, so they would have chucked it on the roof to appease God.
The thing with throwing a Frisbee in the trash is it could fly off practically on its own. I can easily imagine the Founding Fathers missing the mark a few times, then …
Jefferson: Hey Hamilton! First one to hit the trash can, gets to write an Amendment.
Hamilton: You're on boyfriend!
Madison (puts down his glasses): I wanna play too.
Jefferson: Putting things in the can reminds me of … well, I shouldn't say.
Hamilton: Dish!
Franklin: Dish!
Madison: What?
Jefferson: It reminds me of a certain lady friend back home. Well, not a friend. It's more like I own her.
Hamilton (throws Frisbee): It's in! I'll take the Fifth!
Jefferson (misses): Damn. I was going to write the 13th Amendment. Oh well, too bad for Sallly
Madison: What?
I think they would have thrown the Frifbee in the trafh, but yourf if good, too.
But somehow it always ends up on the roof.
"And by bandwagon, I mean penis." — Nanette Billings
P-E-N-I-S
"P-E-N-I-S"
☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄
✯✯✯✯✯✯✯ P E N I S ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯
☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄
Wow that's some one-up-manship…
This needs a little music wav file to go wiv it, I mean to go with it.
Conseratives are clearly devolving, shedding the excess apparati they no longer need, like sense, spelling and syntax. I wonder how many generations it'll take before they're just tapeworms.
Intestinal parasite libel!
living in the dark, feasting on bile – ditch the elephant, the tapeworm is the perfect conseriTard totem
Not only that, the tapeworm will be spamming other tapeworms about how much it's a rugged individualist, living unfettered and free from handouts. In the intestinal tract of a liberal.
Psst! The new word is "conseritave." Pass it on.
<1
They'll need an intermediate host – like the rotting corpse of Andrew Breitbart.
Insert Palin Hookworm Conjecture joke here.
I forget; is this a Robert Ludlum novel, or an episode of The Big Bang Theory?
And let's not forget the immortal "wriggling around in excrement" – all in a day's work for a Tapeworm/ConseriTard
A maximum of one.
??
I thought they were there already?
“My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners”
Who does he think he is, John Edwards?
She's making a bareback mountain out of a mole hill.
Well played!
Maybe, but do you know what else she found with the frisbee & t-shirt?
Birkenstocks?
No no, darling. Birkenstocks are for the gays with ladybits. I'd go with exquisitely tooled Prada shoes or a book of Bruce Weber's photographic oeuvre.
I told you, I'm new to this whole scene.
Should I get flannel shirts, like that nice Norm Abram?
Or for guys with chubby toes, lke Hank Hill:
Sales Clerk: I don't really recommend a cowboy boot for a chubby-toed customer like yourself. You might want to try a Birkenstock sandal.
Hank: Shut the hell up.
Ooh- are you intimating that Fred Karger is NOT a self-hating ghey, but actually an undercover Alinsky-school activist seeking to infiltrate (penetrate?) the UT GOP?
It's why she's so gall durn mad she had to type while angry. She sure told him.
A Cat-In-The-Hat hat and some hackysacks?
Hmm that IS suggestive…
Nicely done
Conseritave: (n) An out-of-tune musical instrument that can only be played with the right hand or mouth (also: Dried Skin Flute)
nanette obviously doesn't realize, if Karger is just trolling for gay sex, the Senate is the way to go.
"Do you know you can't procreate right" – I'm hoping this is also true for nanette.
One thing's for sure — Nanette knows not that she can't rite right.
What she dont dose'nt no cant not hurt her.
Being in Utah, surely a Mormon, she undoubtedly has many children. And is home-schooling them with conseritave values right now.
Because of all the issues I face and worry about every single day, endless procreation is shining at the top like a beacon to dumbfucks everywhere.
Nanette, you know your husband has sister wives, yes?
Nanette Billings' spell-checker committed suicide a long time ago.
It was tired of being ignored.
And she had had enough of its liberal bias.
Seriously, I'd rather get a confusing autocorrect message than what she pounded out.
Wouldn't you? Faced with that insurmountable workload?
“To get more people on his bandwagon.”
Is that what the cool kids are calling it today?
Not the cool kids, just the grizzled olds.
"My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners,”
Probably cheaper and a lot less hassle to just go to a bar or Craigslist M2M.
Why does anyone run for President? I mean, really.
Yes, but doing that doesn't bring in donations.
I see the email is blacked out, but surely you can confirm this was an AOL address, yes?
I would confirm that for you but Netscape is running a bit slow this morning.
Asshats on line. Sometimes makes one nostalgic for ASCII Intertubes with MIME secret decoder rings.
Rot13 libel?
"Karger gave Billings a Frisbee!"
No he didn't. He gave him a frisby. It's a ghey pron move involving very dirty manlyman parts and a tshirt.
Until now I wasn't aware that tshirt could be used as a verb.
It's sorta like teabagging, except when the other person has bad aim and gets it on your shirt.
CON·SER·VI·TIVE
adj kən-ˈsər-vi-tiv
Definition of CONSERVITIVE
Of or relating to a philosophy of ignorance, racism, intolerance and hypocrisy practiced by individuals claiming to be for smaller government while lining their pockets with federal money. See Teabagger.
Sorry, you spelled that too closely to the way they teach it in the government schools. It's "conseritave", moran.
Oh fuck!
You calling me a Rhino? I hope you're not questioning my conseritave credentials.
Nanette, if you're so hot on Conservatism, as the "founding fathers" envisioned it, you might try living it, as in no rights for women, or blahs, and no political parties, and no emailing, and none of those nasty later amendments to the Constitution. Just sayin.
She clearly didn't take advantage of her right to an education.
Here Facebook profile is as expected: likes Fox News, God, Survivalism, Police Scanners, Lady Antebellum, Sewing, and Bob Dylan?!?
[Maybe Gotta Serve Somebody Dylan?]
Nah, she just "Liked" the wrong Zimmerman. Because she's stupid.
Hey nanet I'll bet everything's funny to you.
This whole Utah can be shipped off to Afghanistan no one has lost any.
Nanete does CPAC (Conseritave Pissant Cockups).
Hey nanet I'll bet everything's funny to you.
Although I'd bet exactly the opposite is true.
OK, maybe not Joe Pesci…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWINtUCshxY
I think turning "bandwagon" into a euphemism for sexual activity is brilliant and should be used more often.
Yes, some act involving "all getting pulled by the same horse."
As per Shellie Zimmerman, poor Nanette could certainly use a gay man to make over her sad hair, bad teeth, and tired makeup. Bless her heart.
They like them sister wives to be homely.
Sending nasty emails to the only gay man she knows does not help in that regard, eh?
I assumed she was about 65 , Jeez I think she is younger than I am, but I have much hipper hair. I bet she thinks that Willie there is so good-looking that ALL the homos are after him.
Also she appears to have at least one gay son.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=109723919…
That took me about 1/10 of one second to see. Also, with so many kids, what are the odds she wouldn't have a gay kid?
Jesus God, the "Aryan" in that pic is so bright, it burned out a bunch of pixels on my laptop!! (Did some Mexican or Jew secretly put the two brunettes up her bandwagon?!)
Wow. And with that facial structure, he's going to make a FABulous drag queen.
He could totally do Marilyn Monroe, just a wig, long gloves and a skintight dress.
Oh no. He's the next Sharon Needles. MARK MY WORDS.
Nuremberg rallies are held in Utah now? I should guessed.
OMG, that kid has been selling happy meals at both ends!
The two kids on the right are certainly "familiar" with each other. Is there more than just gayness going on between the kids?
I think the brunette is a daughter-in-law
Ooh fa! No wonder her husband is cheating on her with the pool boy! Nanette, honey, cheerleading tryouts were 30 years ago.
Nanette's husband is gayer than a dozen larks singing opera, and Nanette knows it. That's why she's so incensed about his support for Fred HOMO.
Certainly there is a "feedbag' reference in here somewhere.
Doesn't "feedbag" refer to the object of vigorous teabagging?
Groucho Marx said, "I won't belong to any party that would have me as a member." Fred Karger takes that one step further.
I believe he heard it wrong. He thought the party would "take his member". Which, is probably true.
Oh, touché!!
This last woman I knew with the name Nanette was the kind of good friend that helps you stash the body.
I never knew anyone personally w/ the name — But this one sounds like the same sort of weirdo neighbor-lady like in Serial Mom who gets off on watching "Annie: the Musical" while her dog licks her toes~
My great uncle and great aunt had a dog named Nanette.
I'm renaming my car "Bandwagon" and running for political office. Let the sexy timez roll!
Wonkette or Yahoo, come the fuck on. We need to know how to make fun of this lady. She sounds like a fine, upstanding member of the political and Christian community.
But does she look like a Feisty-Trim-Churchy-Sandra-Bullock from The Blind Side or Miss Hattie from Despicable Me?
Checking out her FB page, I'd hit it.
Neither; she's a dead ringer for Miss Piggy, but without the fashion sense.
She forgot to mention that he likes to wiggle around in excrement.
Oh dear … Southern Utah University should ask for their diploma back and request a spell corrected and revised copy of that email…
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003380…
Let's hope the spelling issues were due to it being the cocktail hour when she was emailing. However, it might always be the cocktail hour at the Billings residence
…the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners
No wonder I've been having trouble getting a date lately — I clearly need to step my game up to the national level.
I don't believe for one minute you're having trouble, sweetpea! And if you are, it's because you just GOT there. (Hugs the Little Fox)
Is it good? Everything good?
Nah, man, that was just for the joke. I'm actually doing quite well. Had a lunch date last Friday, and already putting together two for this weekend. They have jobs! And cars! I feel like the prettiest pig at the state fair!
You ain't no pig, sweetie! Just don't get into trouble, that's all.
Is that how the Gays do it? On a Bandwagon? No wonder good Christian families are outraged!
That, and right in the street where they can Frighten The Horses.
Today, we are all Fred Karger.
The guy has courage, no doubt about that.
"Your move, Westboro Baptist."
In a surprise development the state of Utah in an effort to upgrade its crazy for a late season run has traded nanette's no-no for a sandwichboard-clad ruthless babe.
Nanette sure gets pissed off when other men try to play with her Willie.
I am more surprised that a Utah Republican party chairman let his propert-er, wife use email than by the hateful screed.
Last time I ran for president I fucked the face off half the damn country!
Jean Naté bath salts?
So did George W. Bush.
I seriously wonder what makes these people tick. Other than hatred.
Hatred is a powerful fuel.
And they poop out an endless supply.
There's something ELSE?
Schizophrenic?
Build the danged fence!!!1!
A Gay Republican?That's like saying your a Neo-Nazi Jew! Strange times indeed.
you can be a selfish, ignorant, racist pig….. and still like to suck dick.
She seems nice.
She seemed nice.
/fixed
OK, see you again in 4 months! (wink)
Ha!
We miss youse!
i dream about running into people like this.
To be fair, I'd be pissed, too, if my wife brought home another man's frisbee.
After sending the hate-filled email, she strapped on a 12" dong and banged poor Willie senseless. Just like Abigail did to John when he came home all hot and bothered, gushing on and on about "that handsome Jefferson fellow."
Hey, it's one man and one woman…just like God intended. Nothing wrong with that.
Pat Robertson Approved!®
"Just like Abigail did to John when he came home all hot and bothered, gushing on and on about "that handsome Jefferson fellow.""
Hey, Jefferson was a 6 foot 2 inch, brainy redhead. What did she *think* was gonna happen?
No, no Nanette!
why do you not have more 'p's for this?
Not enough musical geeks?
(Nature Show Host hushed voice:) And so, the circle of life revolves again! A newborn, baby Meme pecks its way into the larger world to feel the air on its fuzzy skin and take its first trembling steps. Listen to its cry… "Conseritave!…Conseritave!"
I just wanna TWEET this!
Nope, this is my bit! I re-use it word-for-word every time a new Wonkette meme is born. Last used in January, so nobody even remembers!
Gay guy deranged enough to be a Republican meets real Republican. Funny enough to be a sitcom.
She didn't use any porfanty, so why is everyone so upset?!
Que consera consera,
Whatever will spell will spell
Lady? Where did he 'meat' your husband. The airport men's room?
Running for office to get more sexual partners…wow, I just thought…that could work if you're gay OR straight…hmmmm?…. Nah, I'm busy with this whole "commenter" job, thingy, whatever. Sure, no pay, but just as many babes.
OK, so how exactly does commenting here get you more partners? Because, you know, I'm just asking for a friend, here.
Do you beleive in the values of God? Not trimming your beard? Killing people who work on Saturday? Not wearing mixed fabrics?
HOW CAN YOU PREY TEH GHAY AWAY IN POLYSTER BLENDS…
This story appears to have an introduction (meeting with county Republican Chairman Billings) and something vaguely resembling a denouement (Frisbee and t-shirt thrown in the trash by "nanette"), but I have a strong feeling there's an awful lot of rising and falling action missing from the middle of the narrative.
It does seem to be missing the gist — or the jizz — of the story.
At least she didn't kick it with one of my old favorites, "Your an idiot"
Yes, but what's not to like about him?
He may be from the scoliast school of conseratives, but at least he's not a moran.
"the scoliast school"
Does it believe in curvature of the spine?
This provides so much easy comic relief in so many ways. Thank you.
If he wanted to find more sexual partners, he's start a religion. Like Joseph Smith Jr, did.
Why is she complaining about how well Fred Karger procreates? I mean, if he "cant procreate right", that just means he is implanting more conseritave morans, does it not?
I see you're new to this. Application of logic to conseritave memes = FAIL.
"T-shirt/Frisbee 2012!!"
That's better than what we got so far.
Also, dictionary.com defines "cant" in several ways. I think the most useful definition in the context used here is "to talk hypocritically". This gives a new meaning to the phrase she used.
I could see making a typo and misspelling "conservative" once… but twice, one after the other? That takes a special kind of stupid. "Conseritave" she writes… maybe that's the way she pronounces it, in her Utah/Mormon/sister wife kind of way.
why arent people like this 'purged' from the voter rolls? and i'm pretty sure Freddy "Bandwagon" Karger CAN procreate, he just prefers to put his 'frisbees' in a different containment unit.
Ms. Billings hasn't been this irate since she got knocked up backstage by Justin Bieber.
Listen up, Fred, the only way you're going to get rid of her is to provide her with a butt baby. Just lay back (or lean forward) and think of the Gipper, or Jane Wyman or whatever.
Shrill, penis-starved harpy wife was just upset when she tapped out ""Karger gave Billings a Frisbee!". What he really got was a "Freebie", which is why she is so pissed. They like the muneez in those parts.
Keep cutting those school teachers…maybe she should take some night classes…
Willie billings is a straightforward business arrangement for any gay hooker.
And WTF is a frisby?
Nanutte.
Why, let's see why we have here. Righteous indignation? Check. Appeal to the Deity? Check. Represents the wishes and imperatives of the founding fathers? Check. Vents personal abuse? Check again.
Ladies and gentlemen, sadly. there is only one conclusion. This person has been possessed by Sarah Palin. Is there an exorcist in the audience? I'll settle for a stake and a hammer.
"Do you know you can't procreate right?"
Translation: "Goddamn faggots! THEY'RE not fat as a hog from having seven children!"
i bet she's pretty too.
Hey, you think this is what Fred Karger's "frisby" looked like?
Because it's a much better thing to be thinking about than Jerry Falwell?
Must have a cunning plan…
We used to call it "chickenshit toes," which is what you get from walking around in rice paddies with no footwear. Also, hookworms, but that's another story.
Honey, please. With that tan he couldn't pass for Elvira.
Nah, he's more a Phi Phi O'Hara type: small, brown, and bitchy.
"walking around in rice paddies with no footwear"
This is the strangest 'Nam flashback I've ever heard.
Thx 4 retracting the "clownfaced fascist" comment. I don't care for personal insults, myself.
ETA: Or for the lack of courage to stand behind insults made, or apologize for them, if one is in the wrong. I hope you've come to the conclusion that I am not a fascist.
Well, I meant it in jest, but it looked a little harsh on the page.
You're right, it did. In which case, I'll accord you the benefit of the doubt and quit being such a crab. My apologies.
Bygones?
But of course! No harm, no foul. Welcome aboard, and enjoy your stay.
There was a joke that "Elizabeth was a King, and James was a Queen".
And let's not forget the Duke of Buckingham.
I believe she was known to speak of herself in the masculine.
The first Duke of Buckingham, George de Villiers, who was assassinated for receiving too many favours at the King's hands.
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