war on conseritaves

Nice Gay Republican Candidate Fred Karger Gets Loving Welcome From Utah GOP Chair’s Illiterate Bigot Lady-Wife

She meant "bless your heart"

Fred Karger, who is a gay Republican who is still running for president (how cute is that?) went to Utah and did some politicking. He met with Washington County Republican Party Chairman Willie Billings, who Karger said was “welcoming” and “friendly.” They had a nice time! Karger gave Billings a Frisbee! We would let this email (above!) from “nanette Billings” — and could someone on her husband’s staff show her how to capitalize her own name properly in her email headers? — speak for itself, but then “nanette” had MORE to say!

“My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners,” Nanette Billings told Yahoo News in a phone interview. “To get more people on his bandwagon.”

Your move, Westboro Baptist. [Yahoo, again!]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. mookwrthwilson

    Nanette are a conseritave!!! She no make make with lady cuz they no can make the baby!!!

  2. Barb

    Yeah, his t-shirt and Frisbee is in the trash. His semen soiled underwear is still under the front seat of her husband's car though.

    No, no Nanette! Looks like someone hasn't had their "ballot box" stuffed in a while.

  3. YasserArraFeck

    Is the "frisbee & T-shirt" gift the new "interested" signal, now that "The Wide Stance" has been outed?

    1. mrpuma2u

      Correct, in Utah the new gay pick up code word is "hey how about a free frisby?" Then the buttsecks ensues.

    2. GunToting[Redacted]

      Point of order… The item in question was a "frisby," which I believe is some type of ice cream beverage.

    3. Dashboard Buddha

      Holy shit…this puts those t-shirt cannons they use at events in a whole new light.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      It's what Wonketteers will now use to describe especially challenged Republicans, since CERTAIN words regarding the mental incompetence of Republicans have been banned.

      1. scvirginia

        I like this change since 'conservative' is being used by all kindsa riffraff who don't even know what conservation is…

        1. Generation[redacted]

          The term is being used more liberally than in the past, but that's the progressive nature of language.

        2. CommieLibunatic

          On a possible tangent, I saw a bumper sticker last weekend that said "Sierra Club: Kiss my axe." And this is as I'm going to Sequoia National Forest with the relatives.

          Because, y'know, stewardship of the land and protecting it for your children- a conservative attitude, if you will- is for fags.

          1. MittBorg

            Thx 4 retracting the "clownfaced fascist" comment. I don't care for personal insults, myself.

            ETA: Or for the lack of courage to stand behind insults made, or apologize for them, if one is in the wrong. I hope you've come to the conclusion that I am not a fascist.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I can't give you a gold spelling stare or a scratch-'n'-sniff Grape Job sticker, so have an upvote instead.

      1. MittBorg

        Is that "gold spelling stare" like a particularly vicious form of stink-eye, or what? Because I'd love to give a "gold spelling stare" to everyone who has already misspelled "conseritave." It's not easy, creating new words, and it's not helping that everyone just feels totally cool about trampling nanette's contribution to Webster's.

          1. MittBorg

            Oh, hey, you mean you didn't intend to? Now you HAVE to adopt it and make it your own. C'mon. It's too good to waste.

            And as for that link, dood! I'm a SENsitive soul!

  4. Limeylizzie

    In a perfect world, the nice, friendly and welcoming Willie Billings would run off into the sunset with the nice and gay Fred Karger to have sweet, sweet loving butt sechs together, leaving the hideous, spiteful and ignorant nanette "cunt" Billings to sadly masturbate alone for the rest of her days.

    1. Barb

      Sis, I agree! How does Nanette know that the founding fathers weren't gay? Did anyone ask, "Hey Ben! What cha gonna do after you finish flying that kite?"
      "I dunno, maybe dry off and go suck a dick."

      On that note, who here got to fly a kite this morning or got their kite flown? Show of hands? I did! I got confused by what "Flag Day" means because Sarah Palin didn't post what my thoughts on this subject should be.

      1. chascates

        Some years back it was discovered by Jerry Falwell that King James (of the famous Bible translation) was in fact gay, although he fathered children to keep the gig going. There was some talk of what to to about the most famous and to evangelicals ONLY version of the Bible worth having and it was decided to just drop the whole thing.

        1. actor212

          Errrrrrrrrr, no. He wasn't. The only published statement to that effect was made 25 years after James I died by Anthony Weldon, whom James had banned from court while alive. Sort of the Breitbarting of James, if you will.

          1. chascates

            My apologies to His Majesty but not to Jerry Falwell! Now I'm thinking of Blackadder for some reason.

          2. MittBorg

            It's not entirely clear. He certainly had his share of "favourites," mostly male, and between the Duke of Lennox and young Carr's relationship with Overbury, there's plenty to read between the lines.

    2. YasserArraFeck

      Along the lines of "If the glove don't fit………….", "You mustn't masturbate, 'cause it don't procreate" – words to live by, in nanette's world

      1. Native_of_SL_UT

        If God had never intended for us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter.
        He would have also never given males opposable thumbs.

        1. tessiee

          There's probably some sort of mysterious Godly reason why God made our arms the exact length so that we can reach our genitalia, but not the itchy spot on our backs.

      2. MittBorg

        I actually knew a woman (very attractive, let me add) who said that god taught in the bible that oral sex was filthy.

        I've read the bible, more than once, and I can't recall its god ever saying ANYthing about oral sex.

    3. Dashboard Buddha

      The irony is she probably masturbates to gay porn. There's just no pleasing some people.

    4. rmjagg

      " Enter text right here!leaving the hideous, spiteful and ignorant nanette "cunt" Billings to sadly masturbate alone for the rest of her days. " … ahahahahaha – and you have noooo idea how ' common as dirt ' that is here in Utah …. nail , meet head ….

    1. JustPixelz

      The thing with throwing a Frisbee in the trash is it could fly off practically on its own. I can easily imagine the Founding Fathers missing the mark a few times, then …

      Jefferson: Hey Hamilton! First one to hit the trash can, gets to write an Amendment.
      Hamilton: You're on boyfriend!
      Madison (puts down his glasses): I wanna play too.
      Jefferson: Putting things in the can reminds me of … well, I shouldn't say.
      Hamilton: Dish!
      Franklin: Dish!
      Madison: What?
      Jefferson: It reminds me of a certain lady friend back home. Well, not a friend. It's more like I own her.
      Hamilton (throws Frisbee): It's in! I'll take the Fifth!
      Jefferson (misses): Damn. I was going to write the 13th Amendment. Oh well, too bad for Sallly
      Madison: What?

    1. Nostrildamus

      ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯ P E N I S ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Conseratives are clearly devolving, shedding the excess apparati they no longer need, like sense, spelling and syntax. I wonder how many generations it'll take before they're just tapeworms.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      living in the dark, feasting on bile – ditch the elephant, the tapeworm is the perfect conseriTard totem

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Not only that, the tapeworm will be spamming other tapeworms about how much it's a rugged individualist, living unfettered and free from handouts. In the intestinal tract of a liberal.

    2. YasserArraFeck

      And let's not forget the immortal "wriggling around in excrement" – all in a day's work for a Tapeworm/ConseriTard

        1. elviouslyqueer

          No no, darling. Birkenstocks are for the gays with ladybits. I'd go with exquisitely tooled Prada shoes or a book of Bruce Weber's photographic oeuvre.

          1. tessiee

            Or for guys with chubby toes, lke Hank Hill:

            Sales Clerk: I don't really recommend a cowboy boot for a chubby-toed customer like yourself. You might want to try a Birkenstock sandal.
            Hank: Shut the hell up.

          2. MittBorg

            We used to call it "chickenshit toes," which is what you get from walking around in rice paddies with no footwear. Also, hookworms, but that's another story.

          3. Fare la Volpe

            "walking around in rice paddies with no footwear"

            This is the strangest 'Nam flashback I've ever heard.

        2. scvirginia

          Ooh- are you intimating that Fred Karger is NOT a self-hating ghey, but actually an undercover Alinsky-school activist seeking to infiltrate (penetrate?) the UT GOP?

  6. UW8316154

    nanette obviously doesn't realize, if Karger is just trolling for gay sex, the Senate is the way to go.

  7. anniegetyerfun

    "Do you know you can't procreate right" – I'm hoping this is also true for nanette.

    1. emmelemm

      Being in Utah, surely a Mormon, she undoubtedly has many children. And is home-schooling them with conseritave values right now.

    2. CommieLibunatic

      Because of all the issues I face and worry about every single day, endless procreation is shining at the top like a beacon to dumbfucks everywhere.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Seriously, I'd rather get a confusing autocorrect message than what she pounded out.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    "My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners,”

    Probably cheaper and a lot less hassle to just go to a bar or Craigslist M2M.

  9. BornInATrailer

    I see the email is blacked out, but surely you can confirm this was an AOL address, yes?

  10. Estproph

    "Karger gave Billings a Frisbee!"

    No he didn't. He gave him a frisby. It's a ghey pron move involving very dirty manlyman parts and a tshirt.

    1. tessiee

      It's sorta like teabagging, except when the other person has bad aim and gets it on your shirt.

  11. Clancy_Pants

    adj kən-ˈsər-vi-tiv
    Definition of CONSERVITIVE
    Of or relating to a philosophy of ignorance, racism, intolerance and hypocrisy practiced by individuals claiming to be for smaller government while lining their pockets with federal money. See Teabagger.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Sorry, you spelled that too closely to the way they teach it in the government schools. It's "conseritave", moran.

  12. arduinohacker

    Nanette, if you're so hot on Conservatism, as the "founding fathers" envisioned it, you might try living it, as in no rights for women, or blahs, and no political parties, and no emailing, and none of those nasty later amendments to the Constitution. Just sayin.

  13. ph7

    Here Facebook profile is as expected: likes Fox News, God, Survivalism, Police Scanners, Lady Antebellum, Sewing, and Bob Dylan?!?

    [Maybe Gotta Serve Somebody Dylan?]

    1. LesBontemps

      Hey nanet I'll bet everything's funny to you.

      Although I'd bet exactly the opposite is true.

  14. mavenmaven

    I think turning "bandwagon" into a euphemism for sexual activity is brilliant and should be used more often.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I assumed she was about 65 , Jeez I think she is younger than I am, but I have much hipper hair. I bet she thinks that Willie there is so good-looking that ALL the homos are after him.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        That took me about 1/10 of one second to see. Also, with so many kids, what are the odds she wouldn't have a gay kid?

      2. Chet Kincaid

        Jesus God, the "Aryan" in that pic is so bright, it burned out a bunch of pixels on my laptop!! (Did some Mexican or Jew secretly put the two brunettes up her bandwagon?!)

        1. Limeylizzie

          He could totally do Marilyn Monroe, just a wig, long gloves and a skintight dress.

          1. Fare la Volpe

            Honey, please. With that tan he couldn't pass for Elvira.

            Nah, he's more a Phi Phi O'Hara type: small, brown, and bitchy.

    2. UW8316154

      The two kids on the right are certainly "familiar" with each other. Is there more than just gayness going on between the kids?

    3. tessiee

      Ooh fa! No wonder her husband is cheating on her with the pool boy! Nanette, honey, cheerleading tryouts were 30 years ago.

    4. MittBorg

      Nanette's husband is gayer than a dozen larks singing opera, and Nanette knows it. That's why she's so incensed about his support for Fred HOMO.

  15. elburritodeluxe

    Groucho Marx said, "I won't belong to any party that would have me as a member." Fred Karger takes that one step further.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I believe he heard it wrong. He thought the party would "take his member". Which, is probably true.

  16. Jus_Wonderin

    This last woman I knew with the name Nanette was the kind of good friend that helps you stash the body.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      I never knew anyone personally w/ the name — But this one sounds like the same sort of weirdo neighbor-lady like in Serial Mom who gets off on watching "Annie: the Musical" while her dog licks her toes~

  17. notgross

    I'm renaming my car "Bandwagon" and running for political office. Let the sexy timez roll!

  18. NorthStarSpanx

    Wonkette or Yahoo, come the fuck on. We need to know how to make fun of this lady. She sounds like a fine, upstanding member of the political and Christian community.

    But does she look like a Feisty-Trim-Churchy-Sandra-Bullock from The Blind Side or Miss Hattie from Despicable Me?

  19. Maman

    Let's hope the spelling issues were due to it being the cocktail hour when she was emailing. However, it might always be the cocktail hour at the Billings residence

  20. Fare la Volpe

    …the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners

    No wonder I've been having trouble getting a date lately — I clearly need to step my game up to the national level.

    1. MittBorg

      I don't believe for one minute you're having trouble, sweetpea! And if you are, it's because you just GOT there. (Hugs the Little Fox)

      Is it good? Everything good?

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Nah, man, that was just for the joke. I'm actually doing quite well. Had a lunch date last Friday, and already putting together two for this weekend. They have jobs! And cars! I feel like the prettiest pig at the state fair!

  21. elburritodeluxe

    Is that how the Gays do it? On a Bandwagon? No wonder good Christian families are outraged!

  22. Ruhe

    "Your move, Westboro Baptist."

    In a surprise development the state of Utah in an effort to upgrade its crazy for a late season run has traded nanette's no-no for a sandwichboard-clad ruthless babe.

  23. glamourdammerung

    I am more surprised that a Utah Republican party chairman let his propert-er, wife use email than by the hateful screed.

  24. HarryButtle

    After sending the hate-filled email, she strapped on a 12" dong and banged poor Willie senseless. Just like Abigail did to John when he came home all hot and bothered, gushing on and on about "that handsome Jefferson fellow."

    Hey, it's one man and one woman…just like God intended. Nothing wrong with that.

    1. tessiee

      "Just like Abigail did to John when he came home all hot and bothered, gushing on and on about "that handsome Jefferson fellow.""

      Hey, Jefferson was a 6 foot 2 inch, brainy redhead. What did she *think* was gonna happen?

  25. Chet Kincaid

    (Nature Show Host hushed voice:) And so, the circle of life revolves again! A newborn, baby Meme pecks its way into the larger world to feel the air on its fuzzy skin and take its first trembling steps. Listen to its cry… "Conseritave!…Conseritave!"

  26. __kth__

    Gay guy deranged enough to be a Republican meets real Republican. Funny enough to be a sitcom.

  27. Antispandex

    Running for office to get more sexual partners…wow, I just thought…that could work if you're gay OR straight…hmmmm?…. Nah, I'm busy with this whole "commenter" job, thingy, whatever. Sure, no pay, but just as many babes.

  28. DahBoner

    Do you beleive in the values of God? Not trimming your beard? Killing people who work on Saturday? Not wearing mixed fabrics?


  29. OneYieldRegular

    This story appears to have an introduction (meeting with county Republican Chairman Billings) and something vaguely resembling a denouement (Frisbee and t-shirt thrown in the trash by "nanette"), but I have a strong feeling there's an awful lot of rising and falling action missing from the middle of the narrative.

  30. barto

    Yes, but what's not to like about him?

    He may be from the scoliast school of conseratives, but at least he's not a moran.

  31. Fox n Fiends

    If he wanted to find more sexual partners, he's start a religion. Like Joseph Smith Jr, did.

  32. Boojum

    Why is she complaining about how well Fred Karger procreates? I mean, if he "cant procreate right", that just means he is implanting more conseritave morans, does it not?

  33. Estproph

    Also, dictionary.com defines "cant" in several ways. I think the most useful definition in the context used here is "to talk hypocritically". This gives a new meaning to the phrase she used.

  34. larrykat

    I could see making a typo and misspelling "conservative" once… but twice, one after the other? That takes a special kind of stupid. "Conseritave" she writes… maybe that's the way she pronounces it, in her Utah/Mormon/sister wife kind of way.

  35. stroge

    why arent people like this 'purged' from the voter rolls? and i'm pretty sure Freddy "Bandwagon" Karger CAN procreate, he just prefers to put his 'frisbees' in a different containment unit.

  36. TribecaMike

    Ms. Billings hasn't been this irate since she got knocked up backstage by Justin Bieber.

    Listen up, Fred, the only way you're going to get rid of her is to provide her with a butt baby. Just lay back (or lean forward) and think of the Gipper, or Jane Wyman or whatever.

  37. ttommyunger

    Shrill, penis-starved harpy wife was just upset when she tapped out ""Karger gave Billings a Frisbee!". What he really got was a "Freebie", which is why she is so pissed. They like the muneez in those parts.

  38. lochnessmonster

    Keep cutting those school teachers…maybe she should take some night classes…

  39. GemlikeFlame

    Why, let's see why we have here. Righteous indignation? Check. Appeal to the Deity? Check. Represents the wishes and imperatives of the founding fathers? Check. Vents personal abuse? Check again.

    Ladies and gentlemen, sadly. there is only one conclusion. This person has been possessed by Sarah Palin. Is there an exorcist in the audience? I'll settle for a stake and a hammer.

  40. tessiee

    "Do you know you can't procreate right?"

    Translation: "Goddamn faggots! THEY'RE not fat as a hog from having seven children!"

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