WAR ON CONSERITAVES  11:33 am June 14, 2012

Nice Gay Republican Candidate Fred Karger Gets Loving Welcome From Utah GOP Chair’s Illiterate Bigot Lady-Wife

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

She meant "bless your heart"

Fred Karger, who is a gay Republican who is still running for president (how cute is that?) went to Utah and did some politicking. He met with Washington County Republican Party Chairman Willie Billings, who Karger said was “welcoming” and “friendly.” They had a nice time! Karger gave Billings a Frisbee! We would let this email (above!) from “nanette Billings” — and could someone on her husband’s staff show her how to capitalize her own name properly in her email headers? — speak for itself, but then “nanette” had MORE to say!

“My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners,” Nanette Billings told Yahoo News in a phone interview. “To get more people on his bandwagon.”

Your move, Westboro Baptist. [Yahoo, again!]

 
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{ 260 comments }

nounverb911 June 14, 2012 at 11:36 am

I bet Nanette's husband was in the next stall over from Larry Craig.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

Everything's wider in Utah.

Boojum June 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

That was my first thought.

mookwrthwilson June 14, 2012 at 11:36 am

Nanette are a conseritave!!! She no make make with lady cuz they no can make the baby!!!

Lascauxcaveman June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

Conservative: If you can spell it correctly, then you aren't one.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

I dunno–if you can't spell, you might be MORE authentic. And maybe home-scholed

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Just remember, you're responsible for giving all of us Ass Burgers.

HarryButtle June 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I think you meant "babby."

mormos June 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

u shur ladeez no mak babby? how is babby formed?

vtxmcrider June 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Holy Ghost squirt celestial jizz and Jesus make baby.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:44 pm

It's true. Ladys get pragnut.

Tommy1733 June 14, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Thnak gddoness for taht!

Barb June 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

Yeah, his t-shirt and Frisbee is in the trash. His semen soiled underwear is still under the front seat of her husband's car though.

No, no Nanette! Looks like someone hasn't had their "ballot box" stuffed in a while.

sewollef June 14, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Voted early and often I'll bet too.

YasserArraFeck June 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

Is the "frisbee & T-shirt" gift the new "interested" signal, now that "The Wide Stance" has been outed?

mrpuma2u June 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

Correct, in Utah the new gay pick up code word is "hey how about a free frisby?" Then the buttsecks ensues.

GunToting[Redacted] June 14, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Point of order… The item in question was a "frisby," which I believe is some type of ice cream beverage.

vtxmcrider June 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You are right. It is a more energetic form of a creampie.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:40 pm

???
Isn't it some kind of hair-do?

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Holy shit…this puts those t-shirt cannons they use at events in a whole new light.

nounverb911 June 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

What's a "conseritave"?

anniegetyerfun June 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

It's what Wonketteers will now use to describe especially challenged Republicans, since CERTAIN words regarding the mental incompetence of Republicans have been banned.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

I like this change since 'conservative' is being used by all kindsa riffraff who don't even know what conservation is…

Generation[redacted] June 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

The term is being used more liberally than in the past, but that's the progressive nature of language.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Hey, I see whatcha did there…

CommieLibunatic June 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

On a possible tangent, I saw a bumper sticker last weekend that said "Sierra Club: Kiss my axe." And this is as I'm going to Sequoia National Forest with the relatives.

Because, y'know, stewardship of the land and protecting it for your children- a conservative attitude, if you will- is for fags.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

But not Log Cabin Repugs…

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Totes I'm in.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

Not sure, but she beleive it mean something different than he do.

bureaucrap June 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

Interestingly, she derived the spelling from her pronunciation.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Erbody know what a conseritave is!

Ruhe June 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Duh! Someone who's deeply concerned about the overuse of our limited supply of the letter V.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Thx 4 clarification! Now Ima gonna be proud conserative too, also!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

You *misspelled* it!

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Thx 4 putting the SS in misspelled, there…

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I believe it's like a moron, only less intelligent.

VaWyo June 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm

It's someone who is a moran.

mbobier June 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

Conserativism for conseratives!

SorosBot June 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I think you mean "conseritavism".

LesBontemps June 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Spelling Nazi!

metamarcisf June 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

I'm running for president too, because I need more partners.

Tommy1733 June 14, 2012 at 1:38 pm

With the "Rent-boys Are Too Damn High" party?

GlowneyHouse June 14, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Hey! So did John Edwards and look how it turned out for him!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

They're just not that easy to get. Unless you're running for President.

Just ask Herman Cain.

UW8316154 June 14, 2012 at 11:38 am

nanette is obviously a conseritive home-scholed in Amercia.

bureaucrap June 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

FTW

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

But, is the conseritave chillerns learning?

CommieLibunatic June 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I can't give you a gold spelling stare or a scratch-'n'-sniff Grape Job sticker, so have an upvote instead.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Is that "gold spelling stare" like a particularly vicious form of stink-eye, or what? Because I'd love to give a "gold spelling stare" to everyone who has already misspelled "conseritave." It's not easy, creating new words, and it's not helping that everyone just feels totally cool about trampling nanette's contribution to Webster's.

CommieLibunatic June 14, 2012 at 4:06 pm

…did I seriously just do that? Welp.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Oh, hey, you mean you didn't intend to? Now you HAVE to adopt it and make it your own. C'mon. It's too good to waste.

And as for that link, dood! I'm a SENsitive soul!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

WHY does everyone keep misspelling "conseritave"?

Shocking.

fuflans June 14, 2012 at 6:02 pm

with gud xtian morels.

thebeatgoeson June 14, 2012 at 11:59 pm

there are xtian mushrooms?!

Limeylizzie June 14, 2012 at 11:38 am

In a perfect world, the nice, friendly and welcoming Willie Billings would run off into the sunset with the nice and gay Fred Karger to have sweet, sweet loving butt sechs together, leaving the hideous, spiteful and ignorant nanette "cunt" Billings to sadly masturbate alone for the rest of her days.

Barb June 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

Sis, I agree! How does Nanette know that the founding fathers weren't gay? Did anyone ask, "Hey Ben! What cha gonna do after you finish flying that kite?"
"I dunno, maybe dry off and go suck a dick."

On that note, who here got to fly a kite this morning or got their kite flown? Show of hands? I did! I got confused by what "Flag Day" means because Sarah Palin didn't post what my thoughts on this subject should be.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 11:44 am

Ben was a renowned ladies man. But that Button Gwynnett?

Queer as a cock-tale

Fare la Volpe June 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I was always suspicious about that "Han(d)cock" guy.

chascates June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

Some years back it was discovered by Jerry Falwell that King James (of the famous Bible translation) was in fact gay, although he fathered children to keep the gig going. There was some talk of what to to about the most famous and to evangelicals ONLY version of the Bible worth having and it was decided to just drop the whole thing.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

Errrrrrrrrr, no. He wasn't. The only published statement to that effect was made 25 years after James I died by Anthony Weldon, whom James had banned from court while alive. Sort of the Breitbarting of James, if you will.

RedneckMuslin June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Breitbart was gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

chascates June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

My apologies to His Majesty but not to Jerry Falwell! Now I'm thinking of Blackadder for some reason.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm

It's not entirely clear. He certainly had his share of "favourites," mostly male, and between the Duke of Lennox and young Carr's relationship with Overbury, there's plenty to read between the lines.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

"When in the intercourse of human events…"

YasserArraFeck June 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

Along the lines of "If the glove don't fit………….", "You mustn't masturbate, 'cause it don't procreate" – words to live by, in nanette's world

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm

"Jesus never put his hand 'down there', and neither would I!!"

Native_of_SL_UT June 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

If God had never intended for us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter.
He would have also never given males opposable thumbs.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

There's probably some sort of mysterious Godly reason why God made our arms the exact length so that we can reach our genitalia, but not the itchy spot on our backs.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I actually knew a woman (very attractive, let me add) who said that god taught in the bible that oral sex was filthy.

I've read the bible, more than once, and I can't recall its god ever saying ANYthing about oral sex.

Chet Kincaid June 15, 2012 at 9:36 am

Isn't there a lot of good eatin' in the Song Of Solomon?

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The irony is she probably masturbates to gay porn. There's just no pleasing some people.

rmjagg June 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

" Enter text right here!leaving the hideous, spiteful and ignorant nanette "cunt" Billings to sadly masturbate alone for the rest of her days. " … ahahahahaha – and you have noooo idea how ' common as dirt ' that is here in Utah …. nail , meet head ….

johnnyzhivago June 14, 2012 at 11:39 am

The Founding Fathers would have thrown the Frisbee in the trash as well.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

I believe many of them were Frisbeetarians, so they would have chucked it on the roof to appease God.

JustPixelz June 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

The thing with throwing a Frisbee in the trash is it could fly off practically on its own. I can easily imagine the Founding Fathers missing the mark a few times, then …

Jefferson: Hey Hamilton! First one to hit the trash can, gets to write an Amendment.
Hamilton: You're on boyfriend!
Madison (puts down his glasses): I wanna play too.
Jefferson: Putting things in the can reminds me of … well, I shouldn't say.
Hamilton: Dish!
Franklin: Dish!
Madison: What?
Jefferson: It reminds me of a certain lady friend back home. Well, not a friend. It's more like I own her.
Hamilton (throws Frisbee): It's in! I'll take the Fifth!
Jefferson (misses): Damn. I was going to write the 13th Amendment. Oh well, too bad for Sallly
Madison: What?

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I think they would have thrown the Frifbee in the trafh, but yourf if good, too.

Swampgas_Man June 14, 2012 at 7:35 pm

But somehow it always ends up on the roof.

StarsUponThars June 14, 2012 at 11:39 am

"And by bandwagon, I mean penis." — Nanette Billings

NorthStarSpanx June 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

P-E-N-I-S

bobbert June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"P-E-N-I-S"

Nostrildamus June 14, 2012 at 12:33 pm

☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄
✯✯✯✯✯✯✯ P E N I S ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯
☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄☄

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Wow that's some one-up-manship…

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm

This needs a little music wav file to go wiv it, I mean to go with it.

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

Conseratives are clearly devolving, shedding the excess apparati they no longer need, like sense, spelling and syntax. I wonder how many generations it'll take before they're just tapeworms.

anniegetyerfun June 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

Intestinal parasite libel!

YasserArraFeck June 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

living in the dark, feasting on bile – ditch the elephant, the tapeworm is the perfect conseriTard totem

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Not only that, the tapeworm will be spamming other tapeworms about how much it's a rugged individualist, living unfettered and free from handouts. In the intestinal tract of a liberal.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Psst! The new word is "conseritave." Pass it on.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

<1

IonaTrailer June 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

They'll need an intermediate host – like the rotting corpse of Andrew Breitbart.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Insert Palin Hookworm Conjecture joke here.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I forget; is this a Robert Ludlum novel, or an episode of The Big Bang Theory?

YasserArraFeck June 14, 2012 at 1:41 pm

And let's not forget the immortal "wriggling around in excrement" – all in a day's work for a Tapeworm/ConseriTard

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

A maximum of one.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:00 pm

??

I thought they were there already?

John Birf Society June 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

“My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners”

Who does he think he is, John Edwards?

IncenseDebate June 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

She's making a bareback mountain out of a mole hill.

IonaTrailer June 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

Well played!

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

Maybe, but do you know what else she found with the frisbee & t-shirt?

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 11:55 am

Birkenstocks?

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

No no, darling. Birkenstocks are for the gays with ladybits. I'd go with exquisitely tooled Prada shoes or a book of Bruce Weber's photographic oeuvre.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I told you, I'm new to this whole scene.

Should I get flannel shirts, like that nice Norm Abram?

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Or for guys with chubby toes, lke Hank Hill:

Sales Clerk: I don't really recommend a cowboy boot for a chubby-toed customer like yourself. You might want to try a Birkenstock sandal.
Hank: Shut the hell up.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Ooh- are you intimating that Fred Karger is NOT a self-hating ghey, but actually an undercover Alinsky-school activist seeking to infiltrate (penetrate?) the UT GOP?

NorthStarSpanx June 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It's why she's so gall durn mad she had to type while angry. She sure told him.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

A Cat-In-The-Hat hat and some hackysacks?

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Hmm that IS suggestive…

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Nicely done

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

Conseritave: (n) An out-of-tune musical instrument that can only be played with the right hand or mouth (also: Dried Skin Flute)

UW8316154 June 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

nanette obviously doesn't realize, if Karger is just trolling for gay sex, the Senate is the way to go.

anniegetyerfun June 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

"Do you know you can't procreate right" – I'm hoping this is also true for nanette.

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

One thing's for sure — Nanette knows not that she can't rite right.

anniegetyerfun June 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

What she dont dose'nt no cant not hurt her.

emmelemm June 14, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Being in Utah, surely a Mormon, she undoubtedly has many children. And is home-schooling them with conseritave values right now.

CommieLibunatic June 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Because of all the issues I face and worry about every single day, endless procreation is shining at the top like a beacon to dumbfucks everywhere.

chascates June 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

Nanette, you know your husband has sister wives, yes?

edgydrifter June 14, 2012 at 11:44 am

Nanette Billings' spell-checker committed suicide a long time ago.

Chow Yun Flat June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

It was tired of being ignored.

widestanceromance June 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

And she had had enough of its liberal bias.

NorthStarSpanx June 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Seriously, I'd rather get a confusing autocorrect message than what she pounded out.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Wouldn't you? Faced with that insurmountable workload?

Chow Yun Flat June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

“To get more people on his bandwagon.”

Is that what the cool kids are calling it today?

EBGrey June 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Not the cool kids, just the grizzled olds.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

"My feeling is the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners,”

Probably cheaper and a lot less hassle to just go to a bar or Craigslist M2M.

emmelemm June 14, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Why does anyone run for President? I mean, really.

VaWyo June 14, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Yes, but doing that doesn't bring in donations.

BornInATrailer June 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

I see the email is blacked out, but surely you can confirm this was an AOL address, yes?

kissawookiee June 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

I would confirm that for you but Netscape is running a bit slow this morning.

weejee June 14, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Asshats on line. Sometimes makes one nostalgic for ASCII Intertubes with MIME secret decoder rings.

bobbert June 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Rot13 libel?

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

"Karger gave Billings a Frisbee!"

No he didn't. He gave him a frisby. It's a ghey pron move involving very dirty manlyman parts and a tshirt.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

Until now I wasn't aware that tshirt could be used as a verb.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:01 pm

It's sorta like teabagging, except when the other person has bad aim and gets it on your shirt.

Clancy_Pants June 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

CON·SER·VI·TIVE
adj kən-ˈsər-vi-tiv
Definition of CONSERVITIVE
Of or relating to a philosophy of ignorance, racism, intolerance and hypocrisy practiced by individuals claiming to be for smaller government while lining their pockets with federal money. See Teabagger.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

Sorry, you spelled that too closely to the way they teach it in the government schools. It's "conseritave", moran.

Clancy_Pants June 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Oh fuck!

You calling me a Rhino? I hope you're not questioning my conseritave credentials.

arduinohacker June 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

Nanette, if you're so hot on Conservatism, as the "founding fathers" envisioned it, you might try living it, as in no rights for women, or blahs, and no political parties, and no emailing, and none of those nasty later amendments to the Constitution. Just sayin.

VaWyo June 14, 2012 at 1:54 pm

She clearly didn't take advantage of her right to an education.

ph7 June 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

Here Facebook profile is as expected: likes Fox News, God, Survivalism, Police Scanners, Lady Antebellum, Sewing, and Bob Dylan?!?

[Maybe Gotta Serve Somebody Dylan?]

HarryButtle June 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Nah, she just "Liked" the wrong Zimmerman. Because she's stupid.

anniegetyerfun June 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

Hey nanet I'll bet everything's funny to you.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

This whole Utah can be shipped off to Afghanistan no one has lost any.

bobbert June 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Nanete does CPAC (Conseritave Pissant Cockups).

LesBontemps June 14, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Hey nanet I'll bet everything's funny to you.

Although I'd bet exactly the opposite is true.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:05 pm

OK, maybe not Joe Pesci…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWINtUCshxY

mavenmaven June 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

I think turning "bandwagon" into a euphemism for sexual activity is brilliant and should be used more often.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Yes, some act involving "all getting pulled by the same horse."

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

As per Shellie Zimmerman, poor Nanette could certainly use a gay man to make over her sad hair, bad teeth, and tired makeup. Bless her heart.

glamourdammerung June 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

They like them sister wives to be homely.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Sending nasty emails to the only gay man she knows does not help in that regard, eh?

Limeylizzie June 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I assumed she was about 65 , Jeez I think she is younger than I am, but I have much hipper hair. I bet she thinks that Willie there is so good-looking that ALL the homos are after him.

Limeylizzie June 14, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Also she appears to have at least one gay son.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=109723919

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm

That took me about 1/10 of one second to see. Also, with so many kids, what are the odds she wouldn't have a gay kid?

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Jesus God, the "Aryan" in that pic is so bright, it burned out a bunch of pixels on my laptop!! (Did some Mexican or Jew secretly put the two brunettes up her bandwagon?!)

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Wow. And with that facial structure, he's going to make a FABulous drag queen.

Limeylizzie June 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

He could totally do Marilyn Monroe, just a wig, long gloves and a skintight dress.

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Oh no. He's the next Sharon Needles. MARK MY WORDS.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Nuremberg rallies are held in Utah now? I should guessed.

Veritas78 June 14, 2012 at 11:07 pm

OMG, that kid has been selling happy meals at both ends!

UW8316154 June 14, 2012 at 2:06 pm

The two kids on the right are certainly "familiar" with each other. Is there more than just gayness going on between the kids?

thebeatgoeson June 15, 2012 at 12:13 am

I think the brunette is a daughter-in-law

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Ooh fa! No wonder her husband is cheating on her with the pool boy! Nanette, honey, cheerleading tryouts were 30 years ago.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Nanette's husband is gayer than a dozen larks singing opera, and Nanette knows it. That's why she's so incensed about his support for Fred HOMO.

UW8316154 June 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

Certainly there is a "feedbag' reference in here somewhere.

YasserArraFeck June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Doesn't "feedbag" refer to the object of vigorous teabagging?

elburritodeluxe June 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

Groucho Marx said, "I won't belong to any party that would have me as a member." Fred Karger takes that one step further.

Jus_Wonderin June 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I believe he heard it wrong. He thought the party would "take his member". Which, is probably true.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Oh, touché!!

Jus_Wonderin June 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

This last woman I knew with the name Nanette was the kind of good friend that helps you stash the body.

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I never knew anyone personally w/ the name — But this one sounds like the same sort of weirdo neighbor-lady like in Serial Mom who gets off on watching "Annie: the Musical" while her dog licks her toes~

MosesInvests June 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

My great uncle and great aunt had a dog named Nanette.

notgross June 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I'm renaming my car "Bandwagon" and running for political office. Let the sexy timez roll!

NorthStarSpanx June 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Wonkette or Yahoo, come the fuck on. We need to know how to make fun of this lady. She sounds like a fine, upstanding member of the political and Christian community.

But does she look like a Feisty-Trim-Churchy-Sandra-Bullock from The Blind Side or Miss Hattie from Despicable Me?

UW8316154 June 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Checking out her FB page, I'd hit it.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Neither; she's a dead ringer for Miss Piggy, but without the fashion sense.

NorthStarSpanx June 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

She forgot to mention that he likes to wiggle around in excrement.

randcoolcatdaddy June 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Oh dear … Southern Utah University should ask for their diploma back and request a spell corrected and revised copy of that email…
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003380

Maman June 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Let's hope the spelling issues were due to it being the cocktail hour when she was emailing. However, it might always be the cocktail hour at the Billings residence

Fare la Volpe June 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

…the only reason he’s running for president is to find more [sexual] partners

No wonder I've been having trouble getting a date lately — I clearly need to step my game up to the national level.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I don't believe for one minute you're having trouble, sweetpea! And if you are, it's because you just GOT there. (Hugs the Little Fox)

Is it good? Everything good?

Fare la Volpe June 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Nah, man, that was just for the joke. I'm actually doing quite well. Had a lunch date last Friday, and already putting together two for this weekend. They have jobs! And cars! I feel like the prettiest pig at the state fair!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 10:06 pm

You ain't no pig, sweetie! Just don't get into trouble, that's all.

elburritodeluxe June 14, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Is that how the Gays do it? On a Bandwagon? No wonder good Christian families are outraged!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm

That, and right in the street where they can Frighten The Horses.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Today, we are all Fred Karger.

UW8316154 June 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

The guy has courage, no doubt about that.

Ruhe June 14, 2012 at 12:02 pm

"Your move, Westboro Baptist."

In a surprise development the state of Utah in an effort to upgrade its crazy for a late season run has traded nanette's no-no for a sandwichboard-clad ruthless babe.

Eve8Apples June 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Nanette sure gets pissed off when other men try to play with her Willie.

glamourdammerung June 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I am more surprised that a Utah Republican party chairman let his propert-er, wife use email than by the hateful screed.

Ryy June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Last time I ran for president I fucked the face off half the damn country!

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Jean Naté bath salts?

Boojum June 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

So did George W. Bush.

freakishlywrong June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I seriously wonder what makes these people tick. Other than hatred.

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Hatred is a powerful fuel.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm

And they poop out an endless supply.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:17 pm

There's something ELSE?

DerrickWildcat June 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Schizophrenic?

gullywompr June 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Build the danged fence!!!1!

sbj1964 June 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

A Gay Republican?That's like saying your a Neo-Nazi Jew! Strange times indeed.

spinozasgod June 15, 2012 at 12:36 am

you can be a selfish, ignorant, racist pig….. and still like to suck dick.

Katydid June 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

She seems nice.

UW8316154 June 14, 2012 at 12:41 pm

She seemed nice.

/fixed

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:48 pm

OK, see you again in 4 months! (wink)

Katydid June 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Ha!

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

We miss youse!

fuflans June 14, 2012 at 6:00 pm

i dream about running into people like this.

ph7 June 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

To be fair, I'd be pissed, too, if my wife brought home another man's frisbee.

HarryButtle June 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

After sending the hate-filled email, she strapped on a 12" dong and banged poor Willie senseless. Just like Abigail did to John when he came home all hot and bothered, gushing on and on about "that handsome Jefferson fellow."

Hey, it's one man and one woman…just like God intended. Nothing wrong with that.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Pat Robertson Approved!®

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

"Just like Abigail did to John when he came home all hot and bothered, gushing on and on about "that handsome Jefferson fellow.""

Hey, Jefferson was a 6 foot 2 inch, brainy redhead. What did she *think* was gonna happen?

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

No, no Nanette!

fuflans June 14, 2012 at 6:03 pm

why do you not have more 'p's for this?

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Not enough musical geeks?

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

(Nature Show Host hushed voice:) And so, the circle of life revolves again! A newborn, baby Meme pecks its way into the larger world to feel the air on its fuzzy skin and take its first trembling steps. Listen to its cry… "Conseritave!…Conseritave!"

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I just wanna TWEET this!

Chet Kincaid June 15, 2012 at 9:49 am

Nope, this is my bit! I re-use it word-for-word every time a new Wonkette meme is born. Last used in January, so nobody even remembers!

__kth__ June 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Gay guy deranged enough to be a Republican meets real Republican. Funny enough to be a sitcom.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

She didn't use any porfanty, so why is everyone so upset?!

Dashboard Buddha June 14, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Que consera consera,
Whatever will spell will spell

niblick77 June 14, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Lady? Where did he 'meat' your husband. The airport men's room?

Antispandex June 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Running for office to get more sexual partners…wow, I just thought…that could work if you're gay OR straight…hmmmm?…. Nah, I'm busy with this whole "commenter" job, thingy, whatever. Sure, no pay, but just as many babes.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:19 pm

OK, so how exactly does commenting here get you more partners? Because, you know, I'm just asking for a friend, here.

DahBoner June 14, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Do you beleive in the values of God? Not trimming your beard? Killing people who work on Saturday? Not wearing mixed fabrics?

HOW CAN YOU PREY TEH GHAY AWAY IN POLYSTER BLENDS…

OneYieldRegular June 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

This story appears to have an introduction (meeting with county Republican Chairman Billings) and something vaguely resembling a denouement (Frisbee and t-shirt thrown in the trash by "nanette"), but I have a strong feeling there's an awful lot of rising and falling action missing from the middle of the narrative.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

It does seem to be missing the gist — or the jizz — of the story.

jerichothedrifter June 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

At least she didn't kick it with one of my old favorites, "Your an idiot"

barto June 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Yes, but what's not to like about him?

He may be from the scoliast school of conseratives, but at least he's not a moran.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

"the scoliast school"

Does it believe in curvature of the spine?

calliecallie June 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

This provides so much easy comic relief in so many ways. Thank you.

Fox n Fiends June 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

If he wanted to find more sexual partners, he's start a religion. Like Joseph Smith Jr, did.

Boojum June 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Why is she complaining about how well Fred Karger procreates? I mean, if he "cant procreate right", that just means he is implanting more conseritave morans, does it not?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I see you're new to this. Application of logic to conseritave memes = FAIL.

YasserArraFeck June 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"T-shirt/Frisbee 2012!!"

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

That's better than what we got so far.

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Also, dictionary.com defines "cant" in several ways. I think the most useful definition in the context used here is "to talk hypocritically". This gives a new meaning to the phrase she used.

larrykat June 14, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I could see making a typo and misspelling "conservative" once… but twice, one after the other? That takes a special kind of stupid. "Conseritave" she writes… maybe that's the way she pronounces it, in her Utah/Mormon/sister wife kind of way.

stroge June 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm

why arent people like this 'purged' from the voter rolls? and i'm pretty sure Freddy "Bandwagon" Karger CAN procreate, he just prefers to put his 'frisbees' in a different containment unit.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Ms. Billings hasn't been this irate since she got knocked up backstage by Justin Bieber.

Listen up, Fred, the only way you're going to get rid of her is to provide her with a butt baby. Just lay back (or lean forward) and think of the Gipper, or Jane Wyman or whatever.

ttommyunger June 14, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Shrill, penis-starved harpy wife was just upset when she tapped out ""Karger gave Billings a Frisbee!". What he really got was a "Freebie", which is why she is so pissed. They like the muneez in those parts.

lochnessmonster June 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Keep cutting those school teachers…maybe she should take some night classes…

gurukalehuru June 14, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Willie billings is a straightforward business arrangement for any gay hooker.
And WTF is a frisby?

gurukalehuru June 14, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Nanutte.

GemlikeFlame June 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Why, let's see why we have here. Righteous indignation? Check. Appeal to the Deity? Check. Represents the wishes and imperatives of the founding fathers? Check. Vents personal abuse? Check again.

Ladies and gentlemen, sadly. there is only one conclusion. This person has been possessed by Sarah Palin. Is there an exorcist in the audience? I'll settle for a stake and a hammer.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"Do you know you can't procreate right?"

Translation: "Goddamn faggots! THEY'RE not fat as a hog from having seven children!"

fuflans June 14, 2012 at 6:07 pm

i bet she's pretty too.

M. Bouffant June 15, 2012 at 4:44 am

Hey, you think this is what Fred Karger's "frisby" looked like?

sullivanst June 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Because it's a much better thing to be thinking about than Jerry Falwell?

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Must have a cunning plan…

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

We used to call it "chickenshit toes," which is what you get from walking around in rice paddies with no footwear. Also, hookworms, but that's another story.

Fare la Volpe June 14, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Honey, please. With that tan he couldn't pass for Elvira.

Nah, he's more a Phi Phi O'Hara type: small, brown, and bitchy.

Fare la Volpe June 14, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"walking around in rice paddies with no footwear"

This is the strangest 'Nam flashback I've ever heard.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Thx 4 retracting the "clownfaced fascist" comment. I don't care for personal insults, myself.

ETA: Or for the lack of courage to stand behind insults made, or apologize for them, if one is in the wrong. I hope you've come to the conclusion that I am not a fascist.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Well, I meant it in jest, but it looked a little harsh on the page.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 10:39 pm

You're right, it did. In which case, I'll accord you the benefit of the doubt and quit being such a crab. My apologies.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Bygones?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:10 pm

But of course! No harm, no foul. Welcome aboard, and enjoy your stay.

doloras June 15, 2012 at 12:17 am

There was a joke that "Elizabeth was a King, and James was a Queen".

viennawoods13 June 15, 2012 at 12:21 am

And let's not forget the Duke of Buckingham.

MittBorg June 15, 2012 at 12:39 am

I believe she was known to speak of herself in the masculine.

MittBorg June 15, 2012 at 12:40 am

The first Duke of Buckingham, George de Villiers, who was assassinated for receiving too many favours at the King's hands.

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