HO-HUM  7:30 pm June 13, 2012

Illinois GOP Lawmaker Arrested in Animal Feed Bag-Related Incident

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

There she is, Miss Amercia.

Illinois crazytime state lawmaker update alert newsbreak: GOP state Senator Suzi Schmidt, the curiously thrilled human pictured at left, was arrested for, uh, “damaging” an animal feed bag belonging to the neighbors and was later served with an “emergency stalking no contact order.” This is the same Suzi Schmidt who last year preemptively phoned 911 dispatchers on Christmas to first inform them of her official title and then instruct them to ignore her husband if he just happened to call in to report her for domestic abuse and then bragged that her husband was “afraid” of her connections. How is this woman not governor yet?

From the local ABC News station:

The state senator was arrested on a warrant when a deputy spotted her at a Menards store in Gurnee Tuesday. She is charged with criminal damage to property and criminal trespass to property. Both are misdemeanors.

Schmidt is accused of damaging a neighbor’s animal feed bag last week, and there reportedly was some kind of argument.

Authorities say she has been harassing the neighbors for the last year. A court order shows she sent several harassing texts and emails to the neighbors and allegedly had a confrontation with the neighbors’ 7-year-old son.

Authorities also outfitted the Lake Villa Republican with an emergency stalking, no-contact order, concerning her neighbors.

Yeah, we were hoping for a few more details around that whole “accused of damaging a neighbor’s animal feed bag” part of it, too. But that is why God gave you imaginations, children! And Illinois politicians. [ABC News/Chicago Tribune]

 

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{ 320 comments }

Tundra Grifter June 13, 2012 at 7:33 pm

That's the mug I expected to see in the story about Kallie giving her fellow Border Patrol agent a public jump start.

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Complete with the mugshot smile.

bumfug June 13, 2012 at 8:45 pm

That's the mug that tells me she's mad at the neighbors for taking the feedbag back before she'd finished the oats.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm

She's quite the heifer, isn't she? Beats her husband, stalks the neighbours, harasses a little kid — it's a wonder she's not running for President.

flamingpdog June 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm

If she were running for President, she'd have "people" to do that kind of thing for her. Badabing!

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I'd love to badabing her right in the schnoz. Harassing kids because their parents happen to be assholes in your opinion = totally not cool, man.

SorosBot June 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm

By attacking a seven-year-old she's going after her intellectual superior.

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 7:55 pm

It's never smart to get on the wrong side of your Meth dealer, either.

NellCote71 June 14, 2012 at 12:37 am

My thoughts, too. Classic meth visage.

GemlikeFlame June 13, 2012 at 10:39 pm

The Palin is strong in this one.

MissTaken June 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm

allegedly had a confrontation with the neighbors’ 7-year-old son.

This is why your parents told you to never accept candy animal feed bags from strangers.

flamingpdog June 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm

The hard part for the kid would be that she looks like an animal and a cracker.

actor212 June 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

It concerns me what that confrontation consisted of. Did she go all "Girls Gone Wild" on him?

weejee June 13, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Well Suzi looks like she's totally Schmidt-faced.

emmelemm June 13, 2012 at 7:36 pm

"How is this woman not governor yet?"

Exactly!

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Because she can't figure out how to intimidate quite that many people into voting for her? Maybe?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Hell, all she has to do is get her pitcher in the papers or on teevee!

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Hi Z. How are you tonight? I haz teh sadz.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

What's the matter, sweetpea? You know you can always tell me. C'mere, let me hug you and make you feel better.

SmutBoffin June 13, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Uh, some kinda "pony play" situation gone awry?

BoatOfVelociraptors June 13, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Earning your moniker I see.

Designer_Radio June 14, 2012 at 12:03 am

Speaking of monikers. Care to explain how one goes from BagOfMice to BoatOfVelociraptors?

BoatOfVelociraptors June 14, 2012 at 2:34 am

Getting my twitter account phished while drunk. The whole grammatical construct was designed to preserve identity through various accounts, so bagofmice, bagofbats, bagofelephants, etc. Boat of velociraptors was a Jurassic Park inspired way to probe the security of twitter, and I liked it.

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 8:39 pm

"As" or "with?"

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Oh, definitely "as." Most animals would hotfoot it away after one look.

Tundra Grifter June 13, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I don't know about damaging one, but at the risk of making a value judgment here I'd say Suzi may have put on the old feed bag a few too many times.

TanzbodenKoenig June 13, 2012 at 7:39 pm

The meth is strong with this one

BoatOfVelociraptors June 13, 2012 at 8:22 pm

That's in chicken feed.

MissTaken June 13, 2012 at 7:39 pm

ignore her husband if he just happened to call in to report her for domestic abuse

Fucking Suzi, didn't your momma tell you to save your get out of jail free card for when you call the police to tell them to your ignore your neighbors if they just happen to call in to report you for animal feed bag abuse. Crying wolf, Suzi. Crying wolf.

mavenmaven June 13, 2012 at 7:40 pm

As long as she films it, and yells "I'm going to shoot first", its ok if she kills her neighbors.

Generation[redacted] June 13, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I think I'll go turn the music down…

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Something something fear of my life also too.

MissTaken June 13, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Suzi Schmidt just rocketed up the VEEP short list with this one.

SorosBot June 13, 2012 at 7:42 pm

She might secure the nod if she straps her neighbors' chickens to the roof of her car.

TanzbodenKoenig June 13, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Or does a televised interview in front of a chicken slaughtering machine running in the background

emmelemm June 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm

About as much experience, vetting, qualification, etc. as the Lady Palin. In other words, "Why not?"

Maman June 13, 2012 at 7:41 pm

She tossed the bag of chicken feed into a swamp.

She seems to be less corrupt and more batshit crazy

flamingpdog June 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Maybe she misread the bag as chicken seed and figured if she threw it in the swamp that she could grown some chickens.

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Bet that head knows what it's like to be shoved into a feedbag.

weejee June 13, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Isn't she a bit more like the other end of the horse MH3?

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Welcome to Romney's Fantasy Veep Team, Senator!

Hedley_Lamarr June 13, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Gonna need more than some piece of cop paper to stop Frau Blucher.

MosesInvests June 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Whinny!

ttommyunger June 14, 2012 at 7:35 am

Too funny!

Goonemeritus June 13, 2012 at 7:46 pm

The heart wants what the heart wants, and sometimes that involves a neighbor, a feedbag and several unwilling animals.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Rodell Vereen approves of this comment:
http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-horse-sex,0

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Geezus. Don't these people know about CONSENT?

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 11:49 pm

And a seven-year-old child.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:10 am

Just reading the testimony of the kids who testified against Jerry Sandusky. Geezus.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 8:21 am

Guh. Sorry about that.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm

How is LittleSusieNotThat DeweyRadio, by the bye? Last pitchers of her revealed a Growing Girl and I'll bet she barely even looks like that any more. Hugs to her and her Mom.

neiltheblaze June 13, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Is she related to Mean Jean?

Angry_Marmot June 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I'm thinking Large Marge.

imissopus June 14, 2012 at 12:53 am

I was thinking Mema.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:11 am

Oh god. That horrible fat old woman with the black fingernails and the mean self-righteous rant about the n*-word? That woman?

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 13, 2012 at 7:48 pm

That picture with the words feed bag in the title? Come on, its like you don't even want to challenge us anymore.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Mitt Romney would pick her to be his Vice President, but he is afraid of her connections.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Also, the chickens pooped all over the car elevator, and the poop gummed up the gears so badly that even the servants couldn't get it out.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Let me guess: She is a member of the Tea Party?

Crank_Tango June 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Yet another Chicago-style Nobama thug demoncrap, eh?

Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

After she stole the feedbag she called her neighbors up and said: "I got this thing and it's fucking golden."

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:34 pm

If it's a large enough feedbag, she could parachute her there.

Maman June 13, 2012 at 9:58 pm

No way. This nut job is GOP from northern suburbs. Practically Wisconsin. I blame Reince Priebus

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Thanks for puttin' on the feed bag!
Thanks for going all out!
Thanks for showin' me your Swiss Army Knife!
Love and kisses ex-ex-ex zero-zero-zero!

–Laurie Anderson, "Let X = X"

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Who's her husband? Pee Wee Herman?

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm

No, Pee Wee was busy getting it on with the Border Patrol chick.

emmelemm June 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I thought Pee Wee swung the other way…

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

That's not a headline you see everyday, but I don't live in a rural area.

Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I do. It's always "Feedbag this", and "Feedbag that".

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Those feckin' Feedbaggers. Grumble grumble.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Feedbaggers.

We have got to make this a thing, okay?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I'm in.

PubOption June 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

There's something else going wrong at the Wonket. The Tribune link wouldn't work, and the ABC link redirected to a 2009 Wonkabout page.

flamingpdog June 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

That happened to me on another Wonkette post last week. I'm thinking the recent Wonkette "upgrade" may have been like all the "upgrades" that Comcast is always bragging to me about.

PubOption June 14, 2012 at 8:55 am

So far, Wonkette isn't charging more for the 'upgrades'.

glamourdammerung June 14, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I am pretty sure it is a word press/intense debate issue as I had a link get muffed that I even verified worked the other day.

Not_So_Much June 13, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Even without the feedbag, Anne Romney's spare dressage horse looks terrible in this picture.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Spare HORSE? Ann RMONEY doesn't have a SPARE HORSE, she has a spare HERD.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Mmmm…ranch dressage…mmmm…

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm

*Some*body's HUNGRY.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 14, 2012 at 2:41 am

One way to stay glued to the screen.

Schmannnity June 13, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Is this Shellie Zimmerman's mama?

OldWhiteLies June 13, 2012 at 7:57 pm

This is the kind of thing that makes me think that any greeting card company worth their salt could devote an entire product line to "Condolences Regarding Your Crazy-Assed Neighbo[u]r"

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Yeah, no kidding.
I had a friend who moved to a new house (this was in Ohio, not Illinois) and didn't realize the neighbors were crazy:
Phone: Ring a ling!
Friend: Hello?
Neighbor [on phone]: I can see your fence.
Friend: Um… OK.
Neighbor: So you have to take it down!
Friend: What?
Neighbor: Because I can see your fence! Take it down!
Friend: Um, no.
So she checked, and made sure that the fence was within the property line, not blocking anything, not too high for a residential fence, etc., and it was OK. So she comes home from work one day, the fence is gone, and there's a fire in the neighbor's yard.
Friend: Hey, have you seen my fence?
Neighbor: No.
Friend: Because I notice it's not there since I left for work this morning.
Neighbor: Oh.
Friend: What happened to it?
Neighbor [shrug]: I dunno.
Friend: You didn't… [gestures at fire] take it down and set it on fire over there, did you?
Neighbor: Nope!

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Wow. That reminds me of when I lived in a tiny town in Maine way, way back in the day, and our neighbors would get on the party line and scream at us for not going to church.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 8:27 am

How Christian of them!

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Boy, that's some NUTBAG levels of denial.

DaSandman June 13, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Glad to see they've emptied the mental hospitals in Illinois. How'd you like to be living across the hedgerow from THAT?

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 9:29 pm

There'd be a bustle in your hedgerow for sure.

MosesInvests June 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

But don't be alarmed, now.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

I'd be very alarmed.

Angry_Marmot June 13, 2012 at 10:24 pm

That's a lot of May Queen.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I think it might kind of spread into June and July also, too.

flamingpdog June 14, 2012 at 12:08 am

I kind of doubt her stairway could possibly lie on a whispering wind.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:13 am

Not unless it was hurricane strength, pdog.

SayItWithWookies June 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm

The damage to the feed bag is not the real story — the real story involves a three-foot long prosthetic horse penis, which the authorities are still too mortified to mention.

chascates June 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

So her hobby is animal husbandry?

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Oh, come on! In that part of the state, I'm sure the deputies have a pre-filled form for that kind of stuff.

glasspusher June 13, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Animal molestation Mad Libs! I like it!

Barrelhse June 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Where did they find it? And why would anyone look THERE?

Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm

First you get the feedbag. Then you get the power.

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Damn, that is DEEP.

SexySmurf June 13, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Things just got ugly.

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm

No………………

Barrelhse June 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

LOL

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm

She's looked that way all her life, dear.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Got?

I know, I know. Low-hanging fruit. So sue me, why don't you.

DrunkIrishman June 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

She has more spots on her face than Andrew Beckett in Philadelphia.

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Getting pecked by a yard full of chickens was really what she was after all along.

NellCote71 June 14, 2012 at 12:49 am

Four-letter word. Meth.

Barrelhse June 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

It's not her fault. Her face caught on fire and they put it out with a pitchfork.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Stabby!

Steverino247 June 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

OT: Latest results in the judicial count in San Diego County (and it's not good news) With 13,500 absentee/provisional ballots left to be counted, Kreep leads by 216 votes:

SUPERIOR COURT – Office No. 34

GARY GEORGE KREEP 197376 50.03%

GARLAND PEED 197160 49.97%

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Let's hope the absentees were sober when they voted.

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Shhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiittttttttttttttt.

Barrelhse June 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Cat crept into the crypt, Kreeped, and crept out.

bobbert June 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Is whoever's counting these ballots related to Kathy Nickolaus?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Yeah, that's something I'd worry about.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Or Katherine Harris?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Please god let 13,000 of the remaining 13,500 be for Garland Peed PLEEZ.

Steverino247 June 13, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Our Registrar of Voters is as straight as you can get. There are no shenanigans with this counting. The problem is that nearly 400,000 people flipped a coin when they marked their ballot in this race and the RoV is merely reporting the results of all those random coin flips. It's like being a proctor in a math class during probability week.

Oh, and Orly Taitz is still in fifth place in the US Senate race.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Does this mean we'll have a Kreep on the court? I know, I know, what difference does it make, we've got so many there already.

I thought Orly, like Joe LIEberman, was tied with four others for second place!

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 3:01 am

Besides the humorous last names, is there anything else interesting about this race? I really don't know, because I haven't been paying attention.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Kreep is a Teabagger who was voted Most Useless Fucking Wanker EVAH by his county bar association. Garland Peed, who goes by Gary, has been rated the best, and has a long and impressive career as DA (I believe?) along with his unfortunate name. Why Kreep is winning this, I don't know, but it IS San Diego, home to military nutbags and Feedbaggers.

coolhandnuke June 13, 2012 at 8:13 pm

She earned the Blue Ribbon at the 2011 Illinois State Fair in Whack-a-Moleing. Her hard-scrabble mole noggin destroyed 36 mallets in the competition.

Barrelhse June 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

She placed in the "Large Women and Small Cattle" category, too.

M. Szyslak June 13, 2012 at 8:14 pm

How long's hubby been into zoophilia (formerly beastiality)? Oh wait…Sorry…

chascates June 13, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Reboot the server or something, the links are wanky.

Butch_Wagstaff June 13, 2012 at 8:18 pm

OT but abortions are up locally in Richmond: http://www.styleweekly.com/richmond/richmond-lead

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Oh, I thought you were referring to the *politicians* there, for a minute.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm

I don't wish to be cruel, but it strikes me as just a wee bit odd that this story would run in a publication with a name like "Style Weekly".
*runway announcer voice*
You can tell it's almost bathing suit season! All the *trendiest* fashionistas are having their abortions this week. And, if you bring the coupon from the latest Weekly Shopper, you get a free brazilian, too.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Ya know? I wonder what their target market is.

An_Outhouse June 13, 2012 at 8:22 pm

When my neighbor confronted me when I was seven, I called her a bitch. We had no problems after that. Deep down, bullies are pussies. Her kids were assholes, too.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 10:28 pm

If I'd called anyone a bitch at the age of seven and my parents found out, I wouldn't have been able to sit for a week.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I was just thinking that.

At LEAST a week.

UW8316154 June 13, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Good lord, when I was seven, I don't think I had ever even heard the word outside the context of the Boxers my parents showed.

An_Outhouse June 14, 2012 at 8:42 am

I guess my parents didn't find out :)

CthuNHu June 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Authorities also outfitted the Lake Villa Republican with an emergency stalking, no-contact order, concerning her neighbors.

Now that's a mighty fine outfit. Does it come with an extra-extra-long-sleeved shirt?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Crosses in the back, buckles in the front.

OneYieldRegular June 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

And an extra-extra-large feed bag.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:10 pm

For that extra-extra-large girl.

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm

How is this woman not governor yet?

Ms Schmidt, I have the Kochs on line one: something about funding your campaign…

Opportunisticly_Joe June 13, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Oh look! Everyone's faces seems to have returned!

What are we talking about, again?

ManchuCandidate June 13, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Her initials (SS) seem quite appropriate.

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Now now, they did have nice hair on a sitting governor for a while.

Barrelhse June 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

She may have mistaken it for her own feedbag. We all get a little cranky when we're hungry.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 9:28 pm

That Frito-Lay, always on the cutting edge of the packaged foods business!

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

They've got it covered!

Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 9:40 pm

That was offensive.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

But remarkably easy to masturbate to.

sbj1964 June 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm

She's a Keeper Mom.As soon as I get my degree in punch card computing I'm a goin to marry her!

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:49 pm

The links are broken!

johnnyzhivago June 13, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Vice presidential material!

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Turns out Suzi is claiming her estranged husband, whom she abused, was having an affair with the neighbour lady, which the neighbour lady strenuously denies. Suzi Schmidt will not be running in the upcoming election. With any luck, her place will be taken by a Democrat.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I get the distinct impression she'll be running for queen of the psych ward.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I'm inclined to be biased against her because she is fat, old, and not very attractive, and my Corporate Masters tell me that fat old unattractive women do not deserve my attention. But I really think she's having a breakdown. I'm not sure anybody deserves to go through what she's going through. It looks like she's falling apart quite publicly. And now, of course, I can't find it in my heart to wish ill on her. Such a wuss.

If I was Lord of the Universe, it would be some kind of peaceful fucking vegetarian paradise of self-consuming slime mold, or something. No violence or cruelty, sure, but fucking boring as all get out, too.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

peaceful fucking vegetarian paradise of self-consuming slime moldWhat?! No Wonkette?And yeah, I always end up feeling bad for crazy people too. It's not the mentally ill who cause the world's ills. They are statistically farmore likely to be victims of violence and grift. It's the motherfuckers with the personality disorders who cause all the trouble. 'Sides, I kinda like her grin.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I'm finding it very hard to like her at all. She reminds me of my mother. Fat, ragey, shouty, crazy lady. But still. I hope she just drops out of the public eye and sorts her shit out. I'd hate to be going through her crazy.

We'd have to have a Wonket. It would be too boring otherwise. And I ain't giving up meat either.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:31 pm

So, depending on which version of the story you believe, either:
a) dumpy, unattractive, middle-aged woman found out her husband is having an affair with neighbor lady and lost her shit,
or
b) neighbor lady was always pleasant to husband of dumpy, unattractive, middle-aged woman, but nothing more, and now that DUMAW has gone around the bend, neighbor lady is counting her lucky stars and thinking, "Jeeze Louise, I sure dodged a bullet *there*!"

Either way, totally cut out for a LIfetime Channel movie. Sandra Bullock as the neighbor, Julia Styles as the psycho, Bill Paxton as the husband, and the chickens can play themselves.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I really feel sorry for the neighbour lady. Having the local nutbag harass your 7-y.o. is a bit much. But, yeah, I'm totes ready for a movie about chickens, goddammit. They just don't get enough respect.

johnnyzhivago June 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm

OT: Iowa cafe owner says Romney was so sloppy and rude at campaign stop "you'd think it was Obama"
http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_t2#/video/politi

johnnyzhivago June 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm

As someone at Democratic Underground said, if Obama was there he would have also wrecked the place and been obnoxious to her – but would have taken the time to burn the place down on the way out the door.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Jesus, the Wonketz is turning into Heifer Central lately. Are there any normal-sized people left in Amercia to report on?

Nostrildamus June 13, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Bloat is the new normal.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I'm going on a permanent diet of chips and water.

glamourdammerung June 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Republicans and their "personal responsibility" philosophy of "if it feels good, do it" tends to create a lot of plus size morons.

glamourdammerung June 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Because I am sure that President Obama went to this "fine" establishment before and was a total jerk.

It must be wonderful to be a Republican since they have such careful lives that they have to make up things to be scared and angry about.

BlueStateLibel June 13, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Yeah, if there's one thing that comes to mind when I think Obama it's "sloppy and rude."
Whatever you think of his politics, he is personable and a charmer. And I'm sure he knows what donuts are.

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 9:51 pm

ICED TEA MUTHAFUCKA! DO YOU SERVE IT?

Actually, I'm gonna be a little kind here [probably just an afterglow from Jesse Kelly getting STOMPED!] and suggest that what she meant was the hubbub and security that she imagines would go along with a visit from an actual sitting Pres.

Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

THERE ARE TOO MANY REPUBLICAN ASSHOLES… IN THIS MUTHAFUCKIN DINER!

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Obama tries to get napkin out of overfilled napkin dispenser on diner table. It rips, leaving him with one-third of a napkin. He *very carefully* tries again, working around the two-thirds of a napkin still stuck in there. It rips again, worse. He does this several more times, using a fork, the blade of a butter knife, etc. with the results becoming increasingly worse each time, and finally blows his stack:
"I HAVE HAD IT…
WITH THESE MUTHA!FUCKIN! NAPKINS…
IN THIS MUTHA!FUCKIN! DINER!!"
*throws napkin dispenser on floor*
Michelle, mortified, hustles the kids back to the car. On the way out the door, the little one pipes up, "Ma, Daddy said a bad word".

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm

You are TOO MUTHAFUCKIN KIND, muthafucka.

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!I

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:27 pm

You won't get away with that language in Middleborough

deanbooth June 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm

She spoke to Romney on the phone, but says his apology seemed to be mocking her. Wow.

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 10:20 pm

When Barry was 10, he realized that he'd need just such a diner owner, and went to Bill Ayers for advice. They bred a few IVF babies and had them raised as normal Iowans knowing that someday they'd be needed.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Would you please get a Twitter account as YoungRepub or something and plant this meme? It would be great if the RWNJs would fall for it.

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Sounds like too much work. Maybe someone will just search the googlez for Ayers, find the comment, and take it from there.

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I read that in his autobiography. Pretty soon some freak GOP'er will learn to read & also see it…

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Was she wearing a plastic poncho & watching NASCAR? Doesn't matter- he mocks us all…

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 10:30 pm

THAT sums up the entire upcoming election. Romney could be (and is) a complete boor…but at least he's not black.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm

If only that were the sum total of his deficiencies! He is a boor, and a graceless, classist, incompetent, charmless, soulless, unattractive, inhumane, unfeeling, narrow, restricted, limited, blinkered, obnoxious steaming pile of supremacist shit.

But at least he's not a brilliant, tireless, charming, gracious, learned, empathetic, humane BLACK dude.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I'd say that he should just say "fuck it", and make his official slogan:
"Romney: He's White"
except that if he really did that, it would actually *help* him, because people suck.

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:30 pm
Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 11:22 pm

lol, this whole thread is complete Win.

miss_grundy June 13, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I bet the Prez had better table manners. Iowans are pigs.

NorbertsRevenge June 13, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Jesus H. Christ on a funnel cake, after listening to this cafe lady's whinging and seeing her patriotic teddy bears and her blank stare, my heart went out to Romney for a fleeting second having to make chit-chat with the hoi polloi and keep a grin plastered on and know what a donut is. The feeling has now passed, fuck Romney.

flamingpdog June 13, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I wuz outta town for the last three days and not paying much attention to the news. Thank you, (my new Wonkette goddess) Kirsten, for renewing my lack of faith in humanity. Drink!

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I've heard of seeing pink elephants, but thath ridiculuth.

Beowoof June 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

To bad Hitchcock is gone, I see her life story as a Hitch movie. Either that or One Belongs in the Cuckoo's Nest.

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Yes, "Marnie" without the cold yet hot blond.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of Psycho, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Hitch did make a movie called "Lifeboat" in 1944.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I saw dat.

Big Hitch fan, in case it wasn't obvious.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I was imagining it as a "Law and Order" episode, with the "plink plink" sound effect and Vincent D'Onofrio doing his cheap Columbo takeoff.

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I'm sure David Cronenberg could do something with it.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

What, we'd better not say.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:30 pm

*shudders

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm

You need more warming hugs, young lady. Where's your blankie?

Beowoof June 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

Maybe David Lynch.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 10:07 am

I considered that, but then I tried to picture Suzi in that (NSFW) front yard scene from Blue Velvet, and I thought better of it.

Nostrildamus June 14, 2012 at 12:09 am

Dial F for Feedbag

BlueStateLibel June 14, 2012 at 7:47 am

No, a Warner Herzog movie.

I want to see Warner Herzog do a documentary of Mitt Rmoney, gently chiding him for being so foolish to think he could tame the beasts of the Mid-West.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

IL still has nicer things than a lot of surrounding states I could mention, not to mention certain boils on the Mexican border.

rocktonsam June 13, 2012 at 9:28 pm

"emergency stalking no contact order"

thats what we call it in Wisconsin after the smelt fry and a dozen Spotted Cows or so also

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Suzi Schmidt likes to dress up as J. Edgar Hoover, and keeps detailed surveillance files on her neighbors' livestock. They were about to discover her webcam in the feedbag, so she had to detonate it remotely.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Apparently, they found her hiding in the bushes on their property, taking photos of their cars.

Something seriously wrong with this woman.

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I'm just glad Goober Pyle didn't live to see this.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I don't know why that made me giggle, but it did. I can just picture it.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Oh, good, I has a cheered you up.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:13 pm

*Hugs teh Mittborg

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Of course, J. Edgar liked to dress up as Suzi Schmidt, so it only seems fair.

Angry_Marmot June 13, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Vivian Vance libel!

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:52 pm

That was a great, and hilarious, story.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:56 pm

It's a somewhat awesome story, but I'm not convinced. When they weren't trying to make Vivian Vance look unattractive and frowzy for her Ethel Mertz role, she was actually surprisingly attractive:
http://cinenthusiast.wordpress.com/tag/vivian-van
Scroll down, she's # 11.

bobbert June 14, 2012 at 12:06 am

Thank you for the underused word "frowsy".

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 12:17 am

Supposedly it was in Viv's contract that she had to stay above a certain weight so she wouldn't detract from Lucy.

Joshua Norton June 13, 2012 at 9:40 pm

ignore her husband if he just happened to call in to report her for domestic abuse

It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again….

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 9:46 pm

mama's got a brand new bag!

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Dude! I'm just sorry I can only upfist this once!

cheetojeebus June 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I don't know, she looks kinda fetching. Look at the sparkle in her eye and those teeth, all nice and neat, all lined up like little soldiers. Mr Schmidt is a lucky man.

Is the oddly cropped photo hiding a spiderweb throat tattoo? The black widow spider in the middle perched on her adam's apple? if i'm right mr schmidt may not be all that lucky.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm

At this moment, David Bugnon is planning a Xena warrior princess themed "photochop" of Suzi Creamcheese on horseback.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Naked, I'm sure. With long blonde hair.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Glurk.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

I know. I make myself sick, sometimes.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm

I was thinking more like those Wagner opera babes with the metal bra and the horned helmet (which also ties in nicely with the barnyard theme).

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:01 am

Yeah, those horns sure will feel right at home on that forehead.

Nostrildamus June 13, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It's like something out of a fairy tale – where Suzi Schmidt is the queen and the feedbag is Snow White.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I know she must have been hungry, but it was very rude of her to poach another animal's feed bag. Ms. Meth-face, this does not play in Peoria, let me tell you.

How is this woman not governor yet?

Well, she is a state senator in Illinois. She'd have to be a Democrat for those shenanigans to elevate her to the governor's office, there.

Wonkette, Refudiated June 13, 2012 at 10:26 pm

My belief system is this. If I feel threatened, and I do carry a gun in all things I drive, I do, it is my right, as anything, delivered without government. If I yell at a seven year old what am I to do if I gave him several warnings to shoot him?(?) I told the Menards store I was going to damage the bag a FULL ten minutes with gun in hand which in this country is a right at lowest cost – because it's PRIVATE.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Sarah? Sarah Palin, is that YOU?

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:35 pm

This theory goes as follows and begins now. All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle, and the thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and it belongs to me, and I own it, and what it is, too.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:44 pm

So, essentially, all brontosaurii are badly rolled logs of plasticine?

bobbert June 14, 2012 at 12:07 am

Thank you, Anne.

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 12:20 am

That's Ms Elke, to you.

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Did she wear the feedbag over her head? That's what I would have done.

CapnRadio June 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

SOMEone's feeling his oats!

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm

And anyone else's wut he can get his handz on!

zedbot June 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Sweet fancy Moses.

CapnRadio June 13, 2012 at 10:45 pm

More like sweat fatty Mooses, amirite?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:56 pm

You am indeed.

zedbot June 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Youisrite. Dog help us.

Warpde June 13, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Uhmmm!…Looks like she missed a spot….Yeah! That's it …That chunk of feed left on her forehead.
Dead giveaway.

deelzebub June 13, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Once again, my home, you make me proud.

AncienReggie June 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Legislators of Walmart?

Chow Yun Flat June 13, 2012 at 11:28 pm

How is this woman not governor yet?

In Illinois being crazy isn't enough–to be elected governor a politician has to be ultra-corrupt, stealing money with both hands until he gets caught.

iburl June 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Nothing hotter than a bad girl behind bars. Well, other than the cirque de suckay.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

I'd hit that.
Strap a 2×4 across my ass while I snort this Viagra boys…. I'm going in.

Nah, just kidding.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 12:42 am

"I told my girlfriend I wanted her to talk dirty to me. So she said, 'Get the fuck off me, you fat bastard!'" — Rodney Dangerfield

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:21 am

My partner's an amateur entomologist. His idea of "talk dirty to me" is a lecture on pootering spiders, or sorting caterpillar frass.

SeXXXay!

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:00 am

Well, that should save money on the pay-per-view porn part of the hotel bill when you go out of town, as long as they have Animal Planet and National Geographic channel in the room.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Scientists can be very humourless about their particular field. He doesn't care to have his lectures on the jumping spiders of Papua Niugini interrupted by pron.

Isyaignert June 14, 2012 at 1:47 am

Yup, she's got Republicon crazy eyes.

valthemus June 14, 2012 at 2:28 am

Is that pic her mug shot? People smiling for mug shots is so wrong. If you can't see the shame it shouldn't count. (Media training consultants are ruining everyone's fun!)

Pap Finn June 14, 2012 at 2:32 am

Aileen Wuornos is alive, well, and fuckin' up your feedbag in Illinois, folks.

DahBoner June 14, 2012 at 6:16 am

damaging her neighbor's feed bag

Is this 'code' for taking away the neighbor's McFood???

lochnessmonster June 14, 2012 at 6:34 am

Local reports have Suzi saying that she told the 7 yr old her ex was having an affair with her estranged husband…and I don't know why she isn't governor yet…

ttommyunger June 14, 2012 at 7:38 am

…but why use Tom DeLay's mug shot?

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:08 am

Man, Suzy Creamcheese really let herself go after she left the band and got married.

randcoolcatdaddy June 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

Eghads … no one told me that Bachmann Crazy Eyes Syndrome was contagious.

Wonderthing June 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm

The feedbag should go over her head.

Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Just went there again after reading your comment, had a change of heart, and now I want to eat that damn thing. Love me some chili with lots of raw onion, grated cheese, and chips. One little Frito bag would not subdue my passion.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

*wraps feathered self in Z's arms.Stupid adorable girl broke up with me.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Oh, NOES!

Now remember, teh laydeez, they are always changing their minds. Why, many's the time the ex-wife threw me out only to invite me back in again (woman couldn't make her mind up for five minutes in a row about ANYthing). Poor little feathered bird! Did she say it's totes OVAH, or was she just mad? (Hugs the little star)

Crank_Tango June 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Do what I did–Join the gym, sign up for OKCupid, and forget all about her.
Trust me, there is someone much better and more adorable out there who will just love your star fangled nuts.
"Keep your pecker hard and your powder dry, and the world will turn."

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Behold the power of Frito Pie.

Barrelhse June 13, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Sex sells.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:23 pm

It looked good to me too.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Fetus barbecue!Oh, and my guitar wants to kill your mama.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

That's the thing. She breaks up with me every three days. I'm too old for such nonsense. But she's so adorable. Sigh…

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Well, my guitar wants to burn your Dad, young lady.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I have a saying about guys like that, the kind who don't value me enough or treat me well. It goes like this:

"Needs more competition"

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Oh jesus. That's my ex-wife. She's totes adorable. Brilliant, beautiful, sexy, smarter than god. She also can't make her mind up about ANYthing. ANYthing. We stuck it out for TEN FUCKING YEARS. Example conversation:

Adorable Wife: Let's go out to dinner
Me: Fine. What would you like for dinner.
AW: I don't know. You decide.
Me: We haven't had Mexican food in a while, let's go to Mama's Taqueria.
AW: Wonderful. (burble little happy noises of enjoyment)
(Halfway there)
AW: Can we have Chinese food instead?
Me: Sure. Whatever makes you happy, baby.
(Halfway there)
AW: You know what? I think I'd prefer the Mexican food
Me: (through gritted teeth) OK. Now you're sure about that, right? Because I'm gonna have to take that freeway across town.
AW: Absolutely. (makes enchanting purring noises)
(Ten minutes later)
AW: You know, sushi would be wonderful on a warm night like this.

Sometimes she would change her mind as I was PARKING THE FUCKING CAR.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Also, too: What Crank_Tango said. Nobody's adorableness is THAT fucking precious. You'll be glad you dumped her later. Trust me on this.

Dashboard_Jesus June 14, 2012 at 3:19 am

y'all are so cute…hell I'm supposed to be MARRIED in less than 3 weeks (June 30th to be precise) and we've broken up 3 TIMES just in the last 48 hours! (who knew wedding planning could be so stressful, where's Mary Magdalene when I need her?)

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Thanks, CT!

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Guitars gone wild!

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Thanks Tess. it's not like people are lining up to date me, but I should try to get out more.

Crank_Tango June 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm

EXACTLY! Let the free market decide–I think someone is in need of an invisible hand job!

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Yeah, I've pretty much made up my mind to dump her completely. Okcupid hasn't been all that great for me. I'm thinking BiCupid maybe.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Teabaggers at the all you can eat buffet.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I'm sure it's good in that sinful way, but "frito pie" sounds like some disgusting sex act involving food, genitals, and feet.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Slacker.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:45 pm

They're good for prepping a fetus for barbecue. (Smack! flatten them out. Like those Italian chickens.)

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Ew, if that's what they're serving I'm going for the veg option.

Crank_Tango June 13, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Whatever it takes–I did about a solid month on teh cupidz, and went from the miserable not yet ready phase, through several dates without promise, and then it just clicked.

It's funny what we will put up with from the wrong person just because we haven't met the right person, but the only way to meet the right one is to meet a shit ton of wrong ones first.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:55 pm

OKCupid, BiCupid, your local alt weekly. Whatever it takes, sugar.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Well, you won't know until you get out there and flirt with a few of them, sweetie.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 12:14 am

Part 1:

OK, this is corny and embarrassing beyond belief, but it helped me, so I'm sharing it:

Right after my marriage broke up, I was pursued by the Guy from Hell. Years later, I read that Lucifer started out as the most beautiful angel, and I *immediately* pictured Corey [fake name] as I once saw him, with his long blond hair backlit by the afternoon sun shining through a window.

He wants, he don't want, I'm obsessed, he's obsessed, he tortures me emotionally, as if I weren't already on the verge of a full-on, crying-into-my-strawberry-yogurt-at-lunch nervous breakdown.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 12:15 am

Part 2:

So, I'm driving home, and my car radio is playing "walk like a man", and since the four seasons are from NJ, too, I turn it up and listen to the lyrics:
"My own father said 'give it up, don't bother; the world isn't comin' to an end'. He told me 'Walk like a man, walk like a man, my son. No woman's worth crawling on the earth, so walk like a man, my son'"

And as lame as it sounds (and I did warn you it was awfully corny), I had an epiphany. OK, I had to reverse the genders, but you get the point. I thought, "I don't need this shit", and cut it off, like that, which I'd never before been able to do with anybody.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 12:16 am

Part 3:

About a month later, I met The Boy Who Wouldn't Do Anything, who, whatever other flaws he may have had, loved me like a devoted puppy and told me constantly that I was wonderful and beautiful, and was with him for five years.

To this day, something will remind me of Corey, like say I'll hear that song "You're my Obsession", and I'll think "Jeez Louise, I really dodged a bullet with that one!"

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 11:54 pm

[checks urbandictionary]

[shudder]

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 12:02 am
starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 12:04 am

Gah! Html fail. What I meant is:
http://www.republicanpeoplemeet.com/v3/aboutonlin

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 12:03 am

You're absolutely right. And thanks for the encouragement. You're very sweet.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:19 am

Geezus, those people! Stay away from them, my sweet pretty little baby. Surely there's MUCH better fish in any sea.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 12:31 am

Is it me, or do all the definitions in urban dictionary sound like they're written by 12-year-old boys who have never had sex, hate women very much, and don't have a very good grasp of the way the human body works?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:00 am

Really? How interesting. Is this par for the course in show biz?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:03 am

You sure did! Good thing your survival instincts are STRONG.

The thing is, we all fall in love with the wrong people at some point. It takes real courage and determination to realize it and walk away, no matter how sweet it is.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:19 am

It should be pretty obvious they've never had sex with a real human female. Anyone who tried half that shit on most of the women I know would end up with a broken baculum.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 8:07 am

12-year-old boys who have never had sex, and seem somehow duty-bound to include "poop-on-the-face" in everything they do. The first dozen or so entries were probably pretty funny and irreverent, and now it's become like a chore — "alright, how can I work pooping on someone's face into THIS act?"

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 1:23 am

Imma go to bed now, but I wanted to return the favor and give you a movie recommendation: Local HeroIf I stick it in my dropbox folder, and give you the link, maybe you can watch it that way? It's not on Netflix

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:28 am

(Hugs the girl) Won't be able to watch it tonight, though, sweetie.

Sleep well. Wake rested and refreshed.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Is this it, sweetpea?

DerrickWildcat June 14, 2012 at 1:48 am

It's a pretty good movie.

mayor_quimby June 14, 2012 at 3:55 am

I'm assuming you lived in a state with strong gun control laws, since you are not currently in jail. ( I assume our Wonket is banned in prison)

BelleSC June 14, 2012 at 9:16 am

Imo butt in here. Uninvited of course. But here's my take on it. I'm old and been down the road and back a few times.

You have to be willing to live alone and by yourself mentally and physically and be ABLE to do so before you can live through having a roommate, partner, whatever you call it. At this point in my life I don't put up with any bullshit. Nor does my spouse and we both like it that way. Doesn't mean neither of us spews it from time to time but we recognize it for what it is and just move on. If there is not something in your relationship that connects you so that you can just let minutia roll off of your back then RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

Trust me, baby. There are just too many other fish out there. Falling in love and *having* love are two very different things.

And there is no GD way I would tolerate (nor would my spouse) anyone changing their minds that many times about where to eat without heading to the ER to find out what can be done about the brain tumor.

This advice is free. Take it for what you paid for it.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Well, congratulations! Try to stay together till the happy day at least! Afterwards, well, hell. Good luck, that's all.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Thank you, DW. I'll remember that.

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Does it not rule? I'm a scenery freak, so that helps.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Our Wonketz is probably definitely banned in all but, you know, enlightened Dutch prisons, or something. We have very strong gun control laws here, and the above was an actual real conversation, and one of the better ones. This is a woman who owned more shoes than Imelda Marcos and could not pass a shoe store without "just popping in to see." Which usually took two or three hours, and since she didn't like driving, I was her designated chauffeur. I love her, I always will, but she nearly drove me insane.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:43 pm

(Hugs the Belle) You're very sweet. I think the ex had ADHD, or something, myself. Pretty girls. Can't live with them, can't bear life without them.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

They're definitely stuck in the anal phase, as it were.

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 6:43 pm
MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Hey! It's on Netflix!

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Cool. I hope you enjoy it. It's one of my faves.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 9:10 pm

It's on the list, sweetpea. How you doin?

starfanglednut June 14, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I am much better today, thanks to all the wonkeratti who helped me out with my adorable girl troubles last night. How are you?

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Good, darlin'. Achy, but good.

DerrickWildcat June 15, 2012 at 1:55 am

Yeah, this is one of the very few movies that I like that isn't bleak and depressing. It's wonderful and inspiring.

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