THE KNOBS HAVE IT  4:25 pm June 13, 2012

Hero Border Patrol Chick Cold-Cocks Lady For Complaining About Public Knob-Gobbling

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

cockHero Border Patrol agent Kallie Helwig simply could not keep Gerald Torello Jr.’s cock out of her mouth at a recent Cirque du Soleil show in Del Mar, California (just up the road from San Diego).

Then the cold shower of other people telling them to zip the fuck up, there were kids around, finally penetrated their sodden skulls and Torello put his member back in his pants. BUT THEN!

A witness only known as “Jenny,” had been one of the most vocal audience members who had asked the pair to stop, reports 10news.com.

When Jenny, a military doctor, was leaving the show, she saw that the man and woman were waiting for her near the exit. That’s when things got violent.

“Next thing I knew, she punches me on my left temple,” said Jenny to 10news.com. “I didn’t feel the other two hits. She hit me on the right side of my jaw and the left side of my jaw.”

Would you like to know what happened to our hero Border Patrol agent for cold-cocking a female military doctor THREE TIMES? Did you guess “misdemeanor battery citation”? Then you, and the Border Patrol agent, are a winner.

We should all just be glad that California does not have Stand Your Ground yet, enabling Halwig to legally murder “Jenny” for telling her to stop being a whore or whatever, there is always that. So … thanks! [HuffPo]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 178 comments }

tbogg June 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Woot! San Diego, represent!

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Just booked my flight!

GeorgiaBurning June 13, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Stay classy, San Diego

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Jackin' it in SAN DIEGO!

God bless you, South Park.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Finally, a happy story.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm

It seems it may have even had a happy ending!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I thought she stopped?

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

To be continued…

nounverb911 June 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Same Bat time, same Bat channel….

LionHeartSoyDog June 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Happy ending interruptus.

Chichikovovich June 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Noooooooooo!!!!!! Bring back shark-cat! That face is giving me PTSD. Louis Del Grande is known outside Canada for his small but memorable role in Scanners, the Citizen Kane of exploding head movies, but I know him as the writer, director and "star" of a TV series called Seeing Things that even by the standards of 1980s CBC sitcoms was abysmal. Really, painfully unwatchable. As bad as anything I've ever seen broadcast. And when you have only two TV channels (only one of them in English) as we did up north, a bad show is hard to avoid.

On the other hand, shark-cat always reminds me of the satanic cat in The Master and Margarita, which is like, super cool.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Honestly, Chich, if we're going to let *others* dictate our avs …

Veritas78 June 13, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Shark-cat had me predisposed to amusement before I ever glanced at the text. Now I'm think of hemorrhoidal itching. You've raised the bar for yourself, Baldar!

IncenseDebate June 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Cockamamie story.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I don't bleev her name is Mamie.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Cold-cocking?

I see what you do there

sullivanst June 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Journalistic inaccuracy – I'm sure the cock in question was quite warm.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Not if she dipped it in her beer first.

What? I can't be the only one who's done that!? had that done to him!?

weejee June 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

A boilermaker that's just the cock-of-the-walk?

sullivanst June 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I've never been to a big top that served beer very cold…

Plus, don't the bubbles uh… tickle, or something?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Yeah!

Not_So_Much June 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Seems a bit on the violent side to be going around with penises in her mouth.

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Some dudes go for the pain, perhaps…

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Helwig and the Angry Inch

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I can tell ya, it does not bolster MY confidence in the lady's oral skills.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I don't recall any of this kind of untoward behavior occurring when I went and saw KA in Vegas, and it's something I would remember.

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Baldar, is that you? Did you just get back from the dentist?

Antispandex June 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Yeah, but there was that that outdoor concert I went to when I was a kid…

An_Outhouse June 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

This is what happens when you get depressed from all the outrgeous shit that is posted on Wonkette and start drinking too early. (Thank goodness that today, the Shell thing was fun and uplifting or who knows what would be in my mouth right now).

UnholyMoses June 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Thank goodness that today, the Shell thing was fun and uplifting or who knows what would be in my mouth right now

Hi there! My name is Unholy Moses … have we met?

Here, have a drink …

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I think we should plan a mommyblog outing.

Let's see Cirque de Soleil!

Chichikovovich June 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Kallie Helwig might know.

finallyhappy June 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

wow, I went to Cirque (but not in fancy Del mar- at National Harbor- PG county)- and nothing in that show made me feel even a tiny bit sexy. Now punching someone- maybe

Exhausted66 June 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Bristol Palin got a job on the border?

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I see several things you did there…

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Did she finish the dang blowjob?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Probably sometime after they released her from custody.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 12:02 am

'Cause, surely, that is the most important question.

I blame journalism schools. No attention to detail, anymore, I tells ya'. In my day, a journalist would have described in vivid detail the other actionable part of the story.

MrFizzy June 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm

You know the country is in serious decline when someone's complaining about public blowjobs. Never heard of free entertainment?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Honestly, people are SO uptight these days.

redarmybarbie June 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

To be fair, does any one here know what they looked like? 'Cause if they're comparable to Newt and Callista, then *I* wouldn't want to watch it either…

EDIT: Okay, so there's a picture of ONE, now what about the other?

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 12:03 am

You know, there are things that would release that tension.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:15 am

I know, but then these uptight people show up and get all bent because you're getting a well-earned little tension reliever!

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I like how in the news video, the female officer has a photo up, but the guy who's sword she was swallowing…well, it was the circus, after all…is shown as a Wonkette anonymous avatar.

First, which one of you guys got some?

Second, nice touch, creeps!

By the way, Kallie is highly fappable

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm

She punches all other ladies in the jaw. It's how she's kept her title as county blowjob champion for so many years.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Yea, she actually sucks….er, no pun intended.

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm

So, she's the Tonya Harding of cock gobblers?

Texan_Bulldog June 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

When my husband goes to the movies, all he gets are Junior Mints. He'll be so bummed when he reads this story.

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm

He should stick to the Age-of-Consent Mints, really.

Jus_Wonderin June 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Honest, Officer. They showed me their IDs!!!

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

They were so fresh!

Hera Sent Me June 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

When public sex in front of children is outlawed, only outlaws will have public sex in front of children.

Urm, wait, that's a good thing.

Plus it's too long for a bumper sticker.

OneDollarJuana June 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Hot cock. Cold cock. Yin. Yang. Circle jerk of life.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I bet the illegals like it when Agent Kallie hauls them in.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

She's the honey pot.

Actually, given Torello's, errr, complexion, that may very well occur.

scvirginia June 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Maybe not the illegal ladies, so much.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Now I have an incentive to cross over the boarder. If only TSA would start a similar incentive program, flying would be fun again!

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Fucking eleetist French fucking circus.

nounverb911 June 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

They seem to infest Redmond, WA every winter.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Quebecois, not French.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

OH, WELL I GUESS THAT'S OKAY THEN!!!?!

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm

YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL AT ME!! (Sobs hysterically)

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 6:25 pm

(Hugs the Chet) See what you DID? You SEE? He's a SENsitive soul!

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I apologize, Chet. I have been on edge since yesterday, thinking about all of our missing avatars, wandering the internet and getting into God knows what. Mine came back today with a "McCain/Palin 2008" bumper sticker on its ass and a crack pipe under its hoodie. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Please forgive me.

P.S. French Canadians are almost as bad as Belgians.

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Hey you two, get a circus auditorium why dontcha!

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Ha!

chascates June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Build the danged fence! Maybe it'll keep those evil Cirque du Soleil out of this country!

SmutBoffin June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I'm withholding judgement until I hear from Miss Manners on this topic.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm

So long as her pinkies remain up, I'm sure Manners approves.

horsedreamer_1 June 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm

& she'll need to be gentle, reader.

CindynEncinitas June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Why didn't they just quietly take their hot action back to the stables at the fairgrounds where they came from?

Chill_Bill June 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

To be fair, BJ's are the only way to make it through a Cirque Du Soleil show.

LionHeartSoyDog June 13, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Mushrooms help, i've heard.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

When blow jobs are social pariah, only social pariah will have blow jobs!

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

zip the fuck up, there were kids around

Well, how else are they supposed to learn?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I would have paid good money (which I didn't have, of course) to have seen a performance like that when I was a sprout.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 12:22 am

Have you seen cable television and the internet in, oh, say, the past decade? lol

thumbcuff June 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Any sideboob?

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

The reason "Jenny" asked Kallie to stop is because "Jenny's" husband had sidled over to be next in line.

Hedley_Lamarr June 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I'll bet real money that Jenny's "Husband" doesn't have a Y chromosome.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Considering how drunk she must have been in order to perform this act, as well as assault this woman, it probably wasn't the visual that the other audience members took issue with, but the noise generated by the sloppiness of the beej. "Shhhhhhhhh!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Does the San Diego area need a new GOP congressperson? Because it sounds like they have two well qualified candidates here. And the GOP always likes a little law and order.

Billmatic June 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I wish my ladyfriend would be so compelled to give me oral pleasure.

Unfortunately every time I take her out in public people give me weird looks and I eventually puncture her somehow.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Lars? Is that you?

Jus_Wonderin June 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I hear ya. It really is embarrassing when the ladyfriend flies off like that.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

When a little kneel and bobbing is more exciting than the Cirque du Soleil, you know they have to work on their show.

Chow Yun Flat June 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

A little French action while watching the French acrobats.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

You know, this is one of those weird moral issues. While I'm all in favor of public blow jobs that involve me, I really don't care for them when others are involved.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Libertine for me, but not for thee?

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Libertine sexual mores are the exclusive domain of the attractive.

SayItWithWookies June 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Oral exceptionalist!

horsedreamer_1 June 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Pornhusker Kickback!!!

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Boy, you must be loads of fun at a sex club, going around shouting "STOP THAT!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 13, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Hyblowcrite!!!!

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

COTD

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I was just thinking the same thing, Lionel. A combination of, "Gee, that would be nice" wistful crossed with "My GHOD how DARE they do that with CHIYULDRUN around shocking shocking moral degeneracy" frothing frenzy.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

The children thing would be a concern, but, then, it comes down to the quality of the blow job.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Yeah, if it's good enough, who CARES about the children?

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 12:24 am

ROTFLMAO!

coolhandnuke June 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

What's the difference between a border patrol agent and a rooster?

A rooster says cockadoodledo.
A border patrol agent says any cock will do.

Tundra Grifter June 13, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Cross a rooster and an M&M and you get a cock that melts in your mouth and not in your hand.

randcoolcatdaddy June 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I wouldn't think that border patrol agents would get turned on like this in public unless there were handcuffs involved.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

To be fair, it was during the intermission, so it's not like they were infringing on anyone's enjoyment of the circus.

CommieLibunatic June 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Public fellatio and fist-fights at Cirque du Soleil? I think you're just fucking with me now.

StealthMuslin June 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Today we are all cock-sucking Border Patrol Agents.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Cirque De Sucer!® Sure to raise a tentpole near you!

elviouslyqueer June 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

My favorite part is when Torello *high fives a kid* whilst getting his knob polished. So classy!

elburritodeluxe June 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I'm so OUTRAGED by this unprofessional behavior that I DEMAND Kallie Helwig's number immediately in order to talk to her about this (and maybe other stuff).

coolhandnuke June 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Seeing that she quit halfway through the blowjob, can we say she performed a Palin on him?

Jus_Wonderin June 13, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Completion is, thus, a Bristol?

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 6:38 pm

If Bristol were this committed to oral, she'd not be so famous.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 12:25 am

A Bristol is a very conventional and boring sex act.

crybabyboehner June 14, 2012 at 7:29 am

His love for her is undiminished,
the last time she blew him she didn't finish.

UnholyMoses June 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Now see, that's the difference between a pretentious circus crowd in Whale's Vagina San Diego and a Rockfest crowd here in KC.

At Rockfest, when a chick is blowing a guy out in the open, everyone chants "SUCK THAT COCK!"

Thus, the only thing that comes to blows are … um … well … you get the idea.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

SLOW DOWN!

…ockfest….Kansas City…

…go on?

UnholyMoses June 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

You need to like mediocre hard rock/heavy metal and be willing to spend 12 hours listening to it whilst dealing with 50,000 drunks/potheads.

You know, like me. (Though next year I'm using a wheelchair — my back can NOT handle all the standing and walking, so … pride will have to be sucked up as well.)

On the bright side, other than the ticket, NOTHING costs more than $5 while there — beer, food, etc. — and water is provided for free. And that's pretty damn cool.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

be willing to spend 12 hours listening to it whilst dealing with 50,000 drunks/potheads.

So it's like Netroots Nation only with sex?

UnholyMoses June 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm

And it's outside.

But otherwise, yes.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Sorry about your back. Will it heal?

Sounds like fun, especially with the pot. But I'm a cheap date.

UnholyMoses June 14, 2012 at 10:29 am

Thanks( sincerely!), and no — the back will always be fucked, as my body's warranty apparently expired nearly a decade ago (two failed back fusions, kidney stone, blown out knee, torn elbow tendons, broken tooth + root canal, gastroparesis from all the meds … all in nine years).

Shoulda got the extended plan …

On the bright side, MORPHINE!

On the down side, it's like taking Tylenol for me.

(Oxycodone, on the other hand, makes me clinically insane, which is why I won't get near the stuff– I don't wanna feel all spacey … well, not anymore.)

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:38 pm

No, go on, please, I was just, um, getting into my stride here.

horsedreamer_1 June 13, 2012 at 5:58 pm

You're my boy, Blue!

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Keep suckin' that chicken, Kallie!

HateMachine June 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Cocktober comes early this year, it seems.

Fox n Fiends June 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

typical Union thuggery

Trannysurprise June 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Was it one of those moments when it's really part of the show???

SayItWithWookies June 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"Okay, the next contortionist-and-blowjob night we're just gonna stay in and watch Henry and June."

ph7 June 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Sure beats a midget car and a unicycling bear.

mavenmaven June 13, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Obviously, they were there to deport the foreigners attending Cirque De Soleil, which is obviously some kind of Mexican entertainment, and the giving head was an attempt to blend in with the illegals, which I guess must be a well known Mexican thing to do at public events. See? It all makes sense.

mavenmaven June 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Or she was testing him to see if he was a minuteman?

anteater June 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Every time you cold-cock someone an angel gets their wings.

Limeylizzie June 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I loathe Cirque du Soleil, so I would be in favour of anything that would distract me from it.

Antispandex June 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Well, let's not judge the agent too harshly. Who hasn't wished they had something else to do when they see what Cirque du Soleil is really all about?

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

They should have saved it for the privacy of the DC Metro.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Jezus, now you can get your dick licked at Cirque du Soleil? No wonder the price of admission is so high!

Estproph June 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Hopefully terrorists won't figure out that all they have to do to enter the US illegally is travel with a circus, and all of our border patrol agents will be overcome with hornyfever.

Antispandex June 13, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Oh, and it looks like we owe those Secret Service guys an apology!

Tommmcattt June 13, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Straight people are weird.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Honestly, Wonketz, U R SO CRUEL. Agent Kallie says she was feeling unwell, and had to rest her head in Agent Torello's lap, is all. And he was patting her tummy to make her feel better.

rickmaci June 13, 2012 at 5:31 pm

It didn't before, but now Cirque de Felate seems like something I'd pay to go see.

Jus_Wonderin June 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Dad used to have a mule named Jenny. She wouldn't toe the row either. Sometimes it just takes a plastic pipe to keep a girl in line.

BarackMyWorld June 13, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Video: http://www.cbs8.com/story/18742911/border-agents-

I'd hit it, but she'd probably hit me first.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 12:30 am

Some people like it rough.

ttommyunger June 13, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I'm sorry, but anyone paying good money for one of those horse and pony shows deserves whatever they get. I call it thinning the herd.

DahBoner June 13, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I call typo on this.

It's U.S. Bordello Patrol

OldRedneck June 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Why does none of this shit ever happen when I'm out in public??

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 6:21 pm

We must be doing SOMEthing wrong.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Obviously, I need a different girlfriend.

StarsUponThars June 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

South Park explains the phenomenon with its usual hilarity.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s15

LionHeartSoyDog June 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm

"…cold-cocking a female military doctor THREE TIMES? "

The scientific definition of cold-cock is: one punch, lights out.
It's physically impossible to cold-cock somebody three times, unless you wait for them to regain consciousness twice and knock them out again.
Too, also, i saw fotos of the 'military doc' and there was only light bruising. She didn't get knocked out.
(Border patrol pigs E.S.&D., also).

Tundra Grifter June 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm

After looking at her photo, I was very surprised. I was expecting a biker chick running about two bills.

Kallie – I'd tuck her. In!

PS: Something tells me there's a long line of guys back at the station house with Cirque tickets, ready to ask her out.

Tundra Grifter June 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

If you asked them about it all today, I'm sure Kallie and Gerald would go with "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

HarryButtle June 13, 2012 at 6:43 pm

So, she gets pissed when he DOESN'T come in her mouth?

Beowoof June 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Okay, no one got out their cell and recorded this event. Blowjob videos sell well I can't believe there were no entrepreneurs there.

VinnyThePooh June 13, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Cum-blast & Furious?

Wonderthing June 13, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Your kids can't HANDLE public fellatio! Er, I mean, the TRUTH!

voodooeconomics June 13, 2012 at 7:18 pm

trolling this evening and read this; "cock out of her mouth" extremely disappointed.There was an article i am supposed to read..the only good thing in this article was the cock block extraordinaire getting pelted on the jaw/temple whatever.

Wonderthing June 13, 2012 at 7:21 pm

"Hey! Build a wall around it!"

prommie June 13, 2012 at 7:30 pm

It goes without saying that the fellatio couple are not married, of course.

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Not to each other, anyway.

anniegetyerfun June 13, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I actually guessed that the agent was not arrested but rather let go with a pat on the back, so I guess I don't win anything.

DesertTed June 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Is there a man on the planet who'd go to Cirque du Soleil without getting his cock sucked?

Now that Jenny Bitch just ruined it for the rest of us.

sbj1964 June 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

A Girl, has to get a HEAD?

rocktonsam June 13, 2012 at 10:43 pm

'look at him Smithers, strutting around like hes the cock of the walk ! ' Homer Simpson is the cock of nothing'

Buckminster June 13, 2012 at 10:52 pm

People, it's a show, this Cirque de Soleil, not a freakin' lifestyle. Get a grip or else get a motel.

rdc00 June 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm

This is why I hate the stand your ground debate/bitchfest so much. California DOES have a stand your ground law. It just also has very strict limits on the use of deadly force. In California you have every right to stand your ground. In fact in California you can actively seek out situations that put you in harms way: as long as you don't instigate the fight itself you have every right to stand your ground and meet force with like force.

miss_grundy June 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I've never been to a Cirque du Soleil show but I didn't know that they were so boring that the audience would perform oral sex in order to liven things up. I guess that's the kind of thing Repubs get into, and then try to tell everyone else how they should live…..

owhatever June 13, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Hannity will be outraged that a hero border patrol agent is being punished for performing a normal act of love, and proving that failing public schools don't need to teach kids about sex.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

This is so Cirque du So…no, just no.

"Jenny" must have been wearing a hoodie.

Troubledog June 14, 2012 at 2:22 am

This is the coolest thing that happened this week.

Dildeaux June 14, 2012 at 7:07 am

Finally, a good Wonker story to fap to.

Dildeaux June 14, 2012 at 7:09 am

Is Torello a member of the Minutemen?

joobajooba June 14, 2012 at 7:29 am

Sounds like Helwig had an angry itch.

mrblifil July 11, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I would have given her one in the face too. Not a punch, the other thing.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Mine had a months-long experience as a Power Commenter on Big Breitbart! On the day Breitbart died, he was loading up his guns for a drive to Washington D.C.! But then, the avatar got pulled back to my Intensedebate account, and it all felt like a dream…

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 12:20 am

Walloons libel!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Just wait till you spot one holding a big thing of pommes frites, and then ask them the time. If they lose all the fries looking at their wristwatch, they're Belgian. If they drop the fries to beat you up, they're Quebecois.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Wow. Dood. That's just terrible. (Hugs the Moses sympathetically).

I know all about the pain meds. I can't take most of them, they just make me too nuts. Baby aspirin and rest, my ass. I wish they'd give me morphine. At least it *works.*

Well, as I always say about MY chassis — brain by BMW, body by Ford.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: