America let George W. Bush return to his quiet, private life so his undocumented workers he could clean up dust bunnies in his suburban McMansion even though he tortured us all (some of us, literally) for eight years playing neo-con puppet to Dick Cheney’s and John Bolton’s war administration. This says a lot about America (not all of it good). Perhaps we were nice to George because it would hurt our collective John Wayne Gacy hearts to see a wild n’ free cowboy behind bars.
But France doesn’t have any cowboys.
This Friday, June 15, former French president Nicolas Sarkozy will lose his presidential immunity from criminal prosecution and be eligible for investigation for some alleged crimes we already told you about (taking illegal campaign contributions from two crazy people: L’Oréal heiress Liliane Bettencourt and dead dictator Moamar Gaddafi) plus two more:
- allegedly accessing French newspaper Le Monde journalists’ phone records and using his secret service to spy on them to see if he could discover their sources for the Bettencourt allegations;
- Allegedly taking kickbacks on a 1994 sale of three submarines to Pakistan so he could illegally fund the 1995 presidential campaign of his mentor and former prime minister Edouard Balladur, not to mention the related 2002 bomb in Pakistan that killed 14 people – 11 of whom were French submarine engineers – thought to be revenge by Pakistani officials because their promised bribes weren’t paid.
As if that isn’t enough, on the same day he loses his immunity, a former female member of Sarkozy’s party, Marie-Célie Guillaume, is publishing a new novel with a main character called, for some ungodly reason, “Rocky.” There is not a single person in all of France named Rocky. But whatevs. The author has admitted that Rocky is really Sarkozy in disguise. And Rocky is a sexy sexy bad boy. One sweaty scene includes Rocky, fresh from a boxing exercise in front of a mirror, which made him “hot, very hot,” propositioning a female official from his own party who’s asking him for a government subsidy for her city’s museum. Of course, they have sex, and the female official described his performance as… “in a hurry.”
In the immortal words of Debbie Harry: Depeche-toi, Rocky. Depeche-toi.
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I can't wait. We really need to arrest, try, convict, and jail a few more World Leaders.
Aww, but his wife's hot!
Fine, we'll arrest her too.
Can I keep her locked up in my bedroom?
If he is in jail, then that means she will be … available?
I'll take care of her.
If somebody can stop my wife from going all Lorena Bobbitt on me.
Soon enough, he will be singing "Zou Bisou Bisou" in prison.
….bribes from L’Oréal heiress Liliane Bettencourt.
NICOLAS SARKOZY: L’Oréal illegal contributions, because I'm worth it.
This is bad news for
John McCainDick Cheney.Trop tôt (Rocky) !!
Ceci n'est pas un Rocky.
René, is that you?
I must say, taking kickbacks on submarines takes balls.
If this guy is Rocky, George is definitely Bullwinkle.
And Ann Coulter is Natsha & Karl Rove Boris?
Oh come on. Orly will always be Natasha.
Yeah. And I think Rove will play Fearless Leader.
So who's Boris, Dr. K?
What’s the world coming to when French leadership can’t even be trusted to be above reproach?
Shouldn't that be "Le Rocky"?
I'm thinking "Rocky Horror."
Papillion II?????????
Maybe that hot wife will carry his plan (you'll only get that if you read the book).
Selling submarines to unstable Asian nuclear powers would seem to be a sure-fire fundraiser. Does Axelrod know about this?
Looks like someone wants to become a FOX News contributor!
The wife has the looks and won't have much to do after her (soon to be ex-) husband goes to jail.
Prison tip for Sarko: don't pick up the soap when Dominique Levi-Strauss is around…
Durable, fashionable jeans libel!
He tried Ebay, but the shipping charges were out of this world.
Which would you rather bid on: Dinner with Warren Buffet or a Seawolf class nucular sub?
Actually, if Sarkozy had been smart, he would have moved to the US and run for the Republican nomination. He would have been a shoe in with credentials like that.
He's probably read the research showing that Americans won't vote for LittlePeople.
If he bribes Orly with enough L'Oreal product for life, think she'll keep her birfer mouth shut?
He's white, so nobody would ask about the birth certificate.
Sarkozy foreplay "Préparez-vous Bridget"
A politician spying on journalists? Clearly there's no FOX Criminal Enterprises outlet in France.
Moral: Don't fuck with Pakistani official's bribes, Froggy.
Apres moi, le bow-chicka-bow-wow.
Why do I suddenly have "Louis Quatorze" running thru my head? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUTUJZyxxPI
La fête de la bungue-bungue!
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
L'état, c'est Sarkozy.
The voters seemed to disagree.
The man is a sexual tyrannosaurus. A wee, elfin sexual tyrannosaurus.
I guess the deal to sell the Eiffel Tower fell through.
Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weeeeeeee Weeeeeee?
Uhhhhhhhh, aw shucks……..errrrrr……howdy ma'am?
[runs and hides in the safety of newest thread]
Hahaha! I'm just glad to be back and to be greeted so nicely. (Come out, come out, wherever you areeeeee!)
Rocky's political career is guided by Appalling Creed.
I think that image is photoshopped. Maybe I should do a blog post about it.
Can you tell from some of the pixels?
Just sell prints of it for $3,995.
OK, now you're just flaunting it.
That's right. I've gone mad with my very moderate power
I AM IN CHARGE OF THE WATER COOLER!
"Garcon! Qu'est-ce c'est sur mes oeufs?"
"Mais, Sauce Hollandaise, Monsieur Sarkozy."
JE VOIS CE QUE T'AS FAIT LÀ
Le WINNING!
Wait, is winning femine or masculine?
Man there's a very compelling argument to move to Marseilles at this point.
America let George W. Bush return to his quiet, private life
It's amazing how fast they all forgot the hangover from that beer everyone wanted to have with him.
That pic – bulge and all – prompts me to ask if Sarko and Ant'ny Weiner aren't in fact the same person … ?
Of course, they have sex, and the female official described his performance as… “in a hurry.”
Angela Merkel was waiting in the next room…
not to mention the related 2002 bomb in Pakistan that killed 14 people – 11 of whom were French submarine engineers – thought to be revenge by Pakistani officials because their promised bribes weren’t paid
Jesus, even Saint Ronnie didn't try to rip off the Iranians: you'd think the righties would know better than to welch on a bribe…
Rocky: Ah come on, Carla, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I bribe this country or takes bribes from that one or some crazy ass cosmetic bitch. It really don't matter if that country blows up some of our engineers, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. No immigrant's ever gone the distance for French Preznit, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bomb explodes and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.
If a right wing charlatan can't raise campaign money from the dead dictator of an oil rich desert hellhole then freedom is dead.
if only Sarko made a Super PAC like in the USA , his buddy Gaddafi could "donate" legally without any problem
This post about French politics suffers from a lack of pictures of Carla Bruni.
On a boat or on a plane
Nik's coming to America!
Like the Shah back in the day
He's coming to America!
OT, it looks like we got back our faces. I forgot I changed mine while they were fucked up to see if that would fix it. Guess I'll leave the new one up for a while. Better go change the profile quotation, though.
I thought it was only me! I ran some scripts and deleted caches on my Mac and thought that was it. I miss JawsKitty though.
I'm sure he'll make a comeback tour one of these days.
"I coulda been a contenda."
ÉTIENNE!!!
St. Étienne.
"They wanted me to build them a submarine, so I took their plutonium and, in turn, gave them a shoddy submarine hull full of used pinball machine parts. Come on! Let's get you a radiation suit."
The arteest that did Breightfart's picture must have done this one, too.
Well, let's see if his prison bitch will be as hot?
Lisa Wines, reading French newspapers because you can't!™
From Mexico! It's my super duper top secret info-rific readathonicness. Or something. Anyway, hi!
You've gotta stay a step ahead of Langley…The Wines Initiative, The Wines Conundrum, The Wines Ultimatum — intrigue follows you 'round the globe!
Breitbart Ghost says: Puddlecocks! Oooooh, natural photochop breastsesses .
Ship this blog and Sarkozy to Elba or Saint Helena; no one has lost any.
Can that nut job Liliane Bettencourt , the heiress of L’Oréal get prosecuted too? I hope so …..They still test their crap on animals.
George Bush may not realize it because he barely speaks English, much less French, but he and Sarkozy share the same anthem, "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rein"
Kickbacks?
Mitt Romney calls them "incentives"….
I am finding it difficult to fap to this article; oddly, the partial nudity does not help.
Someone who makes evil schemes. Most of them don't pan out and when it does, it backfires. Brietbart… or as I call him Bitpart.
Bristol is Dudley Do-Right. Get it? Mountee?
<Sad Trombone>
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