drill baby drill

Shell Oil Apparently Has Not Yet Learned What ‘The Internet’ Is For

Wouldn't he make a gorgeous coat?Hello, Shell Oil! Have you fired your social media guru yet, or the ad agency that came up with the idea of crowdsourcing Shell’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign? Did it at least occur to you to borrow an RNC intern to scoop out all the “cunts” and “fucks” and whatnot before posting them on your Let’s Go! Arctic site? What about all the ads about the polar bears you are murdering? Do you think Coca-Cola might have something to say about that? thanked the YesMen for their beautiful tribute to you? Let us look, together, at what these terrible Internet hooligans have wrought on poor Shell Oil. Here are some images from just the first page of Shell’s the YesMen’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign site, where terrible hippies have taken to their keyboards to mock poor Shell (MOCK THEM!) for their great environmentalism. UPDATE! Yes, it’s the YesMen.

Here, have all these wonderful images courtesy of the sharp eyes of Wonkette operative “Hans”:

Now, children, go and play!

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  • banana_bread

    This right here is why I love the Internet so very much. NEVER CHANGE.

    • supernoun

      A thousand times yes! We live in a glorious age.

  • nounverb911

    The internet isn't a series of tubes for pumping oil through?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Ohjeez! That there is some funnay stuff! I think Imma go over to the Shell site and play.

    TIEDED: Fucking firewalls….how do they work?

    • sewollef

      "Fucking firewalls….how do they work?"

      You fly too near them with your little pointy thing and they set your ass on fire.

      Or so I'm told by an ultra techie friend of mine.

      • deelzebub

        I saw that in Cabin In The Woods.

  • HippieEsq

    Because Oil-Soaked Seagulls are small enough and slick enough to jam right into your fuel tank!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's like a tampon for your car!

    • LastGasp

      What a great idea for an alternative fuel source! Don't waste time cleaning those birds, just stuff 'em in the gas tank and drive like there's no tomorrow.

      • HippieEsq

        Now I'm starting to smell a TAX CREDIT…like $5 for every bird you "recycle" for fuel use.

      • tessiee

        Let me know when they make a car that runs on pigeons.

  • hagajim

    Now that is some Grade AAA, genuine, internets comedy right there. You realize that there is a hell in Shell – and that's where they want to take us…lets go!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I think this one is my favorite

    • HippieEsq

      amazing.

      (and I'm referring to your ability to embed links in your comments)

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Holy crap! The Titanic sinking is something Shell actually PROVIDED?!?!?!?!?!

    • RedneckMuslin

      That was the Exxon- Valdez.

      • Crank_Tango

        Too soon!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ay. Oh.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Shell Oil spelled upside down is 710 11345. But not so much with this font.

    • James Michael Curley

      Thanks a lot Redneck, you just gave every one my telephone number.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Do you do dirty deeds, dirt cheap?

    • chicken_thief

      And the walrus is Paul?!

  • freakishlywrong

    Shell's shitting us, right?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Do it!!!!!!!

  • JustPixelz

    Over at Repubican Party Headquarters, these are the ones they like best.

  • SexySmurf

    "Because Al Gore is fat and lives in a big house.
    Let's go."

    • chicken_thief

      Private jet, also. Too.

  • SorosBot

    How long until they take this down? And it still amazes me how idiotic companies are that they just keep doing this shit.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Didn't Chevy do something stupid like this a few years ago with an ad for Suburbans or something? I wonder if it was the same advertising agency. That would be very funny.

    • tessiee

      "Top of the line in utility sports,
      Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts,
      Canyonero!"

  • Billmatic
    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Needs moar voting buttons

    • http://crasstalk.com/ grandinquisitor

      This is epic!

    • tessiee

      If that happened/when that happens, won't the polar bears get into a fight with the sharks?

  • Serolf_Divad

    We at Shell want everyone to feel as "pumped" as we do about freeing much-needed Arctic resources. After all, the Arctic is the common heritage of all humanity, and what we do there matters to everyone.

    Isn't this sorta like telling a guy: "Your sister's really smart and pretty. You must be very proud of her. Mind if I rape her?"

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Your sister is a common resource that we all share."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck. That site doesn't work here at teh Air Force. I hope it's still up when I get home tonight!!

    • freakishlywrong

      According to my recent perusing, it won't be.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Dang. The red x's just aren't that amusing.

  • SexySmurf

    "Only a queer would drive a Prius.
    Let's go."

    • anniegetyerfun

      Hey, I drive a Prius!

      Oh, wait.

  • Janinthepan

    This website has to be the work of The Yes Men. There is no way this is real.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      Bingo. I smell spoof.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Yes!

    • Janinthepan

      Called it!!

    • bureaucrap

      Definitely. Their description of the "Kulluk" oil drilling platform describes it as drilling a "24-foot diameter glory hole"… ROFL!!!

    • NYNYNYjr

      Ding ding ding. You've been paying attention to stuff.

  • Blueb4sunrise
  • Doktor Zoom

    Here's mine!

    And another!

    And finally…

    • http://crasstalk.com/ grandinquisitor

      Yes!!

    • freakishlywrong

      The Titanic one is the shizzle, my zizzle.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Then vote it up, man!

    • Doktor Zoom
    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Beeyootiful. (Hugs Dok)

  • freakishlywrong

    "We heart Kochs! Let's go."

  • Limeylizzie

    OT But thank God the maimed animals appear to have gone from Wonkette, i can come back now .

  • http://crasstalk.com/ grandinquisitor
  • not that Radio
    • freakishlywrong

      What does this mean, this "hubris" ?

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Yeah, I throw my vote in the 'Not Real' corner, as most of the other links on the website are 'down for maintenance'.

  • freakishlywrong
    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      that is super good.

  • TJBeck

    As much as I want this to be real, apparently this might be a greenpeace hoax…. Something tells me Shell wouldn't have included the Titanic in the stock images. F U greenpeace, I'm going to go kill a whale.

    • HempDogbane

      Click on the Just for Kids link.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Finally. Some actual truth in advertising.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Shell “donates” millions to various governments around the world and gets some climate change in return.

    • tessiee

      And everybody else gets climate change, too.
      Who says trickle down doesn't work?

  • deelzebub
  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    DAMMIT!

    It's a parody site…
    http://arcticready.com/

    • Doktor Zoom

      Yup. see also http://arcticready.com/classic-kulluk

      and http://arcticready.com/kids (warning–dumb flash game auto-play noise)

    • Lizzietish81

      Curses! Oh well, still hilarious.

    • An_Outhouse

      doh! punked by the internet. The irony is giving me a headache.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      yeah but i need to practice snark in other places too.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Still doesn't mean we can't make hi-larious ads.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Did it at least occur to you to borrow an RNC intern to scoop out all the “cunts” and “fucks” and whatnot before posting them …?

    Maybe not.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Whois lists the "arcticready.com" site as registered to an entity of the same name at a p.o. box out of Vancouver, Washington (ie no affiliation with shell or its parent entities). I'm guessing this is a hoax – the language is way too over the top for bland corporate types to put on a public website, and who the heck would give away a trip to watch an oil derrick in action?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Vancouver, WA?

      Adbusters!

    • BerkeleyBear

      If we needed further proof of the parodic nature, here's a sample from the page about the drilling vessel Kulluk:

      On the slight chance that something does go wrong, Shell's spill cleanup plan is second to none. No one has yet fully determined how to clean up an oil spill in pack ice or broken ice—but that too is exactly the sort of challenge we love.

      Waaaaay too honest to be real.

  • Callyson

    We at Shell want everyone to feel as "pumped" as we do

    Well, your Republican allies in Congress certainly get pumped on a regular basis…

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Opportunisticly_Joe

    Shell Oil Apparently Has Not Yet Learned What ‘The Internet’ Is For

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiFD6EFVsTg ?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Somehow, this is all Obama's fault.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Did you notice that all the animals up there are white? Obviously, Barack "Jeremiah Wright" Obama hates them all.

      • chicken_thief

        Because Kenyan Saul Alinsky.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Obama hates the Arctic because there is no warm place to shit.

  • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

    There's a Shell refinery here in my little town, so I guess I'm gonna have to print these up and do a little postering tonight.

  • glamourdammerung

    Built in 1983 by the Japanese Mitsui company, the Kulluk drilling platform is vintage, tried and tested technology that exemplifies the best of Shells's Let's Go! arsenal. Among the Kulluk's exciting technologies are a 24-foot diameter glory hole bit for punching holes deep in the ice, a 20,000-foot drill pipe, 160-foot derrick, 49.5-foot rotary table, 1000-hp top drive, 500-ton swivel, and a 400,000-pound drill string compensator!

    Though the Kulluk is now almost 30 years old, she was inactive for fourteen of them, making her as reliable as a much younger craft.

    http://arcticready.com/classic-kulluk

    Yeah, this is parody.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Try using a cherry 30-year teevee to watch the stuff that now comes through the aether rather than the cable.

  • SenileAgitation
  • Lizzietish81

    GM did the same thing like ten years ago, and also got a lot of internet beating. Shell has no excuses not to expect this.

  • anniegetyerfun

    We're going to fuck this little fox's face off. Let's Go!

  • notanncoulter

    This is even more fun than mocking the GW Bush Library.
    Seriously… did they really think this through?

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    It's a parody, but it's a good one. Check out the "Angry Bergs" game under the Just for Kids link.

  • sewollef

    Am I missing some funny joke here? This is either a hacked site or a bogus site, right? Tell me it's not really Shell Oil's doing….?

  • notanncoulter
  • neiltheblaze

    If only we could turn the blood of environment murdering oil company sociopaths into a fuel source, we'd have enough energy for three millennia.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    For comparative purposes, here is the real Shell Oil website.
    http://www.shell.com/

    It's a pretty good facsimile.

    • Chicago Books to Women in Prison

      Exactly. It's a fake site. But still funny.

  • Steverino247

    OK. Somebody who can make the site work, please make this one:

    The water scene with the three poles sticking out.

    Caption: You know all those islands the Marines fought and died to take from the Japanese? Yeah, they're all underwater thanks to global warming.

    Say what you like, but telling Marines their graves are going to be washed away when the sea levels rise just might get them to change their minds about this issue. I know that's asking a lot from those boneheads, but it's worth a try.

  • Eve8Apples

    Here's my contribution to the cause:
    http://arcticready.com/social/2636407-the-only-go

    • Steverino247

      Phil Sheridan would be proud.

  • An_Outhouse
    • Serolf_Divad

      See you in (S)hell

      • An_Outhouse

        Let's Go!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I like.

  • proudgrampa

    Let's go!

  • StarsUponThars

    That's some mighty fine culture jamming right there.

  • not that Radio
  • Antispandex

    Those brought one of those happy little tears to my eyes. Seriously though, where's the picture of Sarah Palin raining death on those "cute" animals from her helicopter?

  • BarackMyWorld

    I LUV U INTERWEBS.

  • Serolf_Divad
    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Great. Truly.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Even if it's bullshit, let's just do like the rightwing would and pretend it's true.

    • Billmatic

      Politics is now a memetic war.

  • fartknocker

    That was fun. I'm so proud of the Wonkette community.
    http://arcticready.com/social/2018911-fracking-go

  • UnholyMoses

    Proof it was a spoof site: Their About page, which ends with:

    Everyone can appreciate how oil—the dinosaurs' parting gift to Man—can be used to help build a better future for everyone. Let's Go!

    If I were a gay Mormon who was single, I'd ask all of the Yes Men to marry me …

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      The Yes Men are MORMONS? Who knew?

  • not that Radio

    No internet prank would be complete without Weedlord Bonerhitler

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, GAWD, am I gonna have to look like THAT, ntR?

      • not that Radio

        Eventually.

  • Dashboard Buddha
  • Dashboard Buddha
  • BlueStateLibel

    Awesome "Just for Kids" page explains that Artic drilling is good because: "Mommy and Daddy can drive to the store to buy you new toys." WTF Shell!

  • Dashboard Buddha
  • mavenmaven

    I thought we should combine two memes at once: On Mitt Romney's First Day in Office http://arcticready.com/social/8569868-on-mitt-rom

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Hey…I think I can see Mitt on the stern organizing the deck chairs.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Most excellent. Duly upfisted.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans
    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (sniff!)

  • Estproph
  • Dashboard Buddha

    Here's a little music to go with our rainy day fun.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-C75m1D9U4

  • Exhausted66
    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Radio

      I like.

  • chascates

    God, that's addictive. Wish they had more photos to choose from.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Radio
  • Terry

    I don't think the Wonketters are the only ones having fun with this. The gallery is hilarious.

  • Terry
  • Terry
  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I MADE A THING!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      link or stfu

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        HEy! HA!

    • tessiee

      You didn't make a bear, did you?
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fyCa3NHabo

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        I did make a bear!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Well? Where is it?

          • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

            I didn't save any of them.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh, Derrick. I would've loved to see your bear.

  • Shypixel

    Figures… I finally get in the door on one of these before they shut the fun down, and it end's up being a hoax :(

    Still pretty fucking funny though…

  • HoytClagwell

    A simple truth.

    Edit: Maybe I should have gone with "Because there's more money in consumption than conservation."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Excellent!

  • Doktor Zoom
    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Kid, when are you gonna sign up and give the old man a run for his money? Those are DREADFUL. And I mean that in the *best* way.

  • tessiee

    I'm going to take a moment to be a total girl here, and say that the little white arctic fox is the cutest thing ever.

  • Eve8Apples

    Shell Oil is winning the War on Christmas.
    http://arcticready.com/social/6450524-santa-claus

  • Billmatic

    So the ol' Wonk is gettin bamboozled by Shell hoaxes lately huh

    • commiegirl

      HEY I WAS TIRED. But yes I would have anyway.

      • Billmatic

        It's okay, we all want Shell to fail.

  • proudgrampa

    I just want to epress my gratitude to all you young whippersnappers who contributed to the subversive pages in this thread today. I love you all, and I think you struck at the heart of the beast today!

    Love,

    proudgrampa

  • ttommyunger

    I appreciate humor and sarcasm as a tool obviously; I'm a Wonketeer, but I can't seem to laugh at anything that brings Shell, Exxon and their ilk to mind. They destroy economies, families, countries and lives on a daily, premeditated basis. The evil they accomplish in the name of corporate profit is truly unfathomable.

  • KotBR
  • mwittier
  • C_R_Eature

    I see all you Worthly Wonket Skum have been playing all day long without me.

    All right, here:

    WlBh

    Arctic Ice

    Petrothulu

    Petro

    Cheney

    350 ppm

    Melt ice

    Corexit

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I didn't get the 350 ppm. Everything else — sheer genius.

      • C_R_Eature

        Well, that one got fucked!
        Was referencing This and it should have looked like This

    • not that Radio

      All the good Weedlord Bonerhitler jokes have already been taken.

  • MinAgain

    Maybe not, but you can certainly run your SUV over cute.

  • C_R_Eature
  • NYNYNYjr

    Wonkette…can't you figure out what is yes men and what is not? Maybe they could give you a hotline number.

  • lulzmonger
  • C_R_Eature
    • not that Radio

      Okay, this is the one.

      • C_R_Eature

        Thank you. Please feel free to screencap, use & distribute as you will!

        • not that Radio

          Will do.

          btw, nobody does office pranks quite like David Thorne.

          • C_R_Eature

            Frogs can be taught to weld.

            I like this guy. Reminds me of someone.

            Thanks!

          • not that Radio

            You're welcome. I peed myself when I read "Justin's Floodlight".

          • C_R_Eature

            "Our primary spoken language is screaming."

            This is the one line that's still making me laugh at inappropriate, random times.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Creature, you're BRILLIANT.

      • C_R_Eature
        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          OMG, I'm flirting wiv a cuttlefish! Just kidding dear, I know you're too shy for that stuff. Thanks for the cephalopod.

  • C_R_Eature

    Here's Yet More:

    Dr, Gonzo

    Bat Country

    TruckNutZ

    Must. Stop. Now.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      What DO you do when you're not, you know, Wonketting, because you're so, all talented and stuff dear.

  • Giveusabob

    I would nevertheless not mind having such a job, gleefully taking Shell's $$$ in exchange for sage consultation like, "No really! All that mockery you see on Twitter is excellent publicity! The Youngs just use the Internet for Permanent Opposite Day; this is their way of showing gratitude."

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Shh! You're giving the game away!