drill baby drill

Shell Oil Apparently Has Not Yet Learned What ‘The Internet’ Is For

Wouldn't he make a gorgeous coat?Hello, Shell Oil! Have you fired your social media guru yet, or the ad agency that came up with the idea of crowdsourcing Shell’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign? Did it at least occur to you to borrow an RNC intern to scoop out all the “cunts” and “fucks” and whatnot before posting them on your Let’s Go! Arctic site? What about all the ads about the polar bears you are murdering? Do you think Coca-Cola might have something to say about that? thanked the YesMen for their beautiful tribute to you? Let us look, together, at what these terrible Internet hooligans have wrought on poor Shell Oil. Here are some images from just the first page of Shell’s the YesMen’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign site, where terrible hippies have taken to their keyboards to mock poor Shell (MOCK THEM!) for their great environmentalism. UPDATE! Yes, it’s the YesMen.

Here, have all these wonderful images courtesy of the sharp eyes of Wonkette operative “Hans”:

Now, children, go and play!

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188 comments

  1. actor212

    Ohjeez! That there is some funnay stuff! I think Imma go over to the Shell site and play.

    TIEDED: Fucking firewalls….how do they work?

    1. sewollef

      "Fucking firewalls….how do they work?"

      You fly too near them with your little pointy thing and they set your ass on fire.

      Or so I'm told by an ultra techie friend of mine.

  2. HippieEsq

    Because Oil-Soaked Seagulls are small enough and slick enough to jam right into your fuel tank!

    1. LastGasp

      What a great idea for an alternative fuel source! Don't waste time cleaning those birds, just stuff 'em in the gas tank and drive like there's no tomorrow.

      1. HippieEsq

        Now I'm starting to smell a TAX CREDIT…like $5 for every bird you "recycle" for fuel use.

  3. hagajim

    Now that is some Grade AAA, genuine, internets comedy right there. You realize that there is a hell in Shell – and that's where they want to take us…lets go!

  4. SorosBot

    How long until they take this down? And it still amazes me how idiotic companies are that they just keep doing this shit.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    Didn't Chevy do something stupid like this a few years ago with an ad for Suburbans or something? I wonder if it was the same advertising agency. That would be very funny.

    1. tessiee

      "Top of the line in utility sports,
      Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts,
      Canyonero!"

    1. tessiee

      If that happened/when that happens, won't the polar bears get into a fight with the sharks?

  6. Serolf_Divad

    We at Shell want everyone to feel as "pumped" as we do about freeing much-needed Arctic resources. After all, the Arctic is the common heritage of all humanity, and what we do there matters to everyone.

    Isn't this sorta like telling a guy: "Your sister's really smart and pretty. You must be very proud of her. Mind if I rape her?"

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck. That site doesn't work here at teh Air Force. I hope it's still up when I get home tonight!!

    1. bureaucrap

      Definitely. Their description of the "Kulluk" oil drilling platform describes it as drilling a "24-foot diameter glory hole"… ROFL!!!

  8. Limeylizzie

    OT But thank God the maimed animals appear to have gone from Wonkette, i can come back now .

  9. Dr_Zoidberg

    Yeah, I throw my vote in the 'Not Real' corner, as most of the other links on the website are 'down for maintenance'.

  10. TJBeck

    As much as I want this to be real, apparently this might be a greenpeace hoax…. Something tells me Shell wouldn't have included the Titanic in the stock images. F U greenpeace, I'm going to go kill a whale.

  11. WhatTheHeck

    Shell “donates” millions to various governments around the world and gets some climate change in return.

  12. Doktor Zoom

    Did it at least occur to you to borrow an RNC intern to scoop out all the “cunts” and “fucks” and whatnot before posting them …?

    Maybe not.

  13. BerkeleyBear

    Whois lists the "arcticready.com" site as registered to an entity of the same name at a p.o. box out of Vancouver, Washington (ie no affiliation with shell or its parent entities). I'm guessing this is a hoax – the language is way too over the top for bland corporate types to put on a public website, and who the heck would give away a trip to watch an oil derrick in action?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      If we needed further proof of the parodic nature, here's a sample from the page about the drilling vessel Kulluk:

      On the slight chance that something does go wrong, Shell's spill cleanup plan is second to none. No one has yet fully determined how to clean up an oil spill in pack ice or broken ice—but that too is exactly the sort of challenge we love.

      Waaaaay too honest to be real.

  14. Callyson

    We at Shell want everyone to feel as "pumped" as we do

    Well, your Republican allies in Congress certainly get pumped on a regular basis…

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Did you notice that all the animals up there are white? Obviously, Barack "Jeremiah Wright" Obama hates them all.

  15. glamourdammerung

    Built in 1983 by the Japanese Mitsui company, the Kulluk drilling platform is vintage, tried and tested technology that exemplifies the best of Shells's Let's Go! arsenal. Among the Kulluk's exciting technologies are a 24-foot diameter glory hole bit for punching holes deep in the ice, a 20,000-foot drill pipe, 160-foot derrick, 49.5-foot rotary table, 1000-hp top drive, 500-ton swivel, and a 400,000-pound drill string compensator!

    Though the Kulluk is now almost 30 years old, she was inactive for fourteen of them, making her as reliable as a much younger craft.

    http://arcticready.com/classic-kulluk

    Yeah, this is parody.

  16. Lizzietish81

    GM did the same thing like ten years ago, and also got a lot of internet beating. Shell has no excuses not to expect this.

  17. notanncoulter

    This is even more fun than mocking the GW Bush Library.
    Seriously… did they really think this through?

  18. sewollef

    Am I missing some funny joke here? This is either a hacked site or a bogus site, right? Tell me it's not really Shell Oil's doing….?

  19. neiltheblaze

    If only we could turn the blood of environment murdering oil company sociopaths into a fuel source, we'd have enough energy for three millennia.

  20. Steverino247

    OK. Somebody who can make the site work, please make this one:

    The water scene with the three poles sticking out.

    Caption: You know all those islands the Marines fought and died to take from the Japanese? Yeah, they're all underwater thanks to global warming.

    Say what you like, but telling Marines their graves are going to be washed away when the sea levels rise just might get them to change their minds about this issue. I know that's asking a lot from those boneheads, but it's worth a try.

  21. Antispandex

    Those brought one of those happy little tears to my eyes. Seriously though, where's the picture of Sarah Palin raining death on those "cute" animals from her helicopter?

  22. BaldarTFlagass

    Even if it's bullshit, let's just do like the rightwing would and pretend it's true.

  23. UnholyMoses

    Proof it was a spoof site: Their About page, which ends with:

    Everyone can appreciate how oil—the dinosaurs' parting gift to Man—can be used to help build a better future for everyone. Let's Go!

    If I were a gay Mormon who was single, I'd ask all of the Yes Men to marry me …

  24. BlueStateLibel

    Awesome "Just for Kids" page explains that Artic drilling is good because: "Mommy and Daddy can drive to the store to buy you new toys." WTF Shell!

  25. Terry

    I don't think the Wonketters are the only ones having fun with this. The gallery is hilarious.

  26. Shypixel

    Figures… I finally get in the door on one of these before they shut the fun down, and it end's up being a hoax :(

    Still pretty fucking funny though…

    1. MittBorg

      Kid, when are you gonna sign up and give the old man a run for his money? Those are DREADFUL. And I mean that in the *best* way.

  27. tessiee

    I'm going to take a moment to be a total girl here, and say that the little white arctic fox is the cutest thing ever.

  28. proudgrampa

    I just want to epress my gratitude to all you young whippersnappers who contributed to the subversive pages in this thread today. I love you all, and I think you struck at the heart of the beast today!

    Love,

    proudgrampa

  29. ttommyunger

    I appreciate humor and sarcasm as a tool obviously; I'm a Wonketeer, but I can't seem to laugh at anything that brings Shell, Exxon and their ilk to mind. They destroy economies, families, countries and lives on a daily, premeditated basis. The evil they accomplish in the name of corporate profit is truly unfathomable.

  30. NYNYNYjr

    Wonkette…can't you figure out what is yes men and what is not? Maybe they could give you a hotline number.

          1. C_R_Eature

            "Our primary spoken language is screaming."

            This is the one line that's still making me laugh at inappropriate, random times.

  31. Giveusabob

    I would nevertheless not mind having such a job, gleefully taking Shell's $$$ in exchange for sage consultation like, "No really! All that mockery you see on Twitter is excellent publicity! The Youngs just use the Internet for Permanent Opposite Day; this is their way of showing gratitude."

Comments are closed.