DRILL BABY DRILL  12:10 pm June 13, 2012

Shell Oil Apparently Has Not Yet Learned What ‘The Internet’ Is For

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Wouldn't he make a gorgeous coat?Hello, Shell Oil! Have you fired your social media guru yet, or the ad agency that came up with the idea of crowdsourcing Shell’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign? Did it at least occur to you to borrow an RNC intern to scoop out all the “cunts” and “fucks” and whatnot before posting them on your Let’s Go! Arctic site? What about all the ads about the polar bears you are murdering? Do you think Coca-Cola might have something to say about that? thanked the YesMen for their beautiful tribute to you? Let us look, together, at what these terrible Internet hooligans have wrought on poor Shell Oil. Here are some images from just the first page of Shell’s the YesMen’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign site, where terrible hippies have taken to their keyboards to mock poor Shell (MOCK THEM!) for their great environmentalism. UPDATE! Yes, it’s the YesMen.

Here, have all these wonderful images courtesy of the sharp eyes of Wonkette operative “Hans”:

Now, children, go and play!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 188 comments }

banana_bread June 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

This right here is why I love the Internet so very much. NEVER CHANGE.

supernoun June 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

A thousand times yes! We live in a glorious age.

nounverb911 June 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

The internet isn't a series of tubes for pumping oil through?

BadSquishy June 13, 2012 at 7:55 pm

The internet is a series of tubes filled with cats. http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/04/05/funny-pi

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Ohjeez! That there is some funnay stuff! I think Imma go over to the Shell site and play.

TIEDED: Fucking firewalls….how do they work?

sewollef June 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

"Fucking firewalls….how do they work?"

You fly too near them with your little pointy thing and they set your ass on fire.

Or so I'm told by an ultra techie friend of mine.

deelzebub June 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I saw that in Cabin In The Woods.

HippieEsq June 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Because Oil-Soaked Seagulls are small enough and slick enough to jam right into your fuel tank!

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

It's like a tampon for your car!

LastGasp June 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

What a great idea for an alternative fuel source! Don't waste time cleaning those birds, just stuff 'em in the gas tank and drive like there's no tomorrow.

HippieEsq June 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Now I'm starting to smell a TAX CREDIT…like $5 for every bird you "recycle" for fuel use.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Let me know when they make a car that runs on pigeons.

hagajim June 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Now that is some Grade AAA, genuine, internets comedy right there. You realize that there is a hell in Shell – and that's where they want to take us…lets go!

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I think this one is my favorite

HippieEsq June 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

amazing.

(and I'm referring to your ability to embed links in your comments)

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Holy crap! The Titanic sinking is something Shell actually PROVIDED?!?!?!?!?!

RedneckMuslin June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

That was the Exxon- Valdez.

Crank_Tango June 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Too soon!

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Ay. Oh.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm
BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

The Ramones should sue.

RedneckMuslin June 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Shell Oil spelled upside down is 710 11345. But not so much with this font.

James Michael Curley June 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Thanks a lot Redneck, you just gave every one my telephone number.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Do you do dirty deeds, dirt cheap?

chicken_thief June 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

And the walrus is Paul?!

freakishlywrong June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Shell's shitting us, right?

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Do it!!!!!!!

JustPixelz June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Over at Repubican Party Headquarters, these are the ones they like best.

SexySmurf June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"Because Al Gore is fat and lives in a big house.
Let's go."

chicken_thief June 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Private jet, also. Too.

SorosBot June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

How long until they take this down? And it still amazes me how idiotic companies are that they just keep doing this shit.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Didn't Chevy do something stupid like this a few years ago with an ad for Suburbans or something? I wonder if it was the same advertising agency. That would be very funny.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts,
Canyonero!"

Billmatic June 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm
actor212 June 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Needs moar voting buttons

grandinquisitor June 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

This is epic!

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

If that happened/when that happens, won't the polar bears get into a fight with the sharks?

Serolf_Divad June 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

We at Shell want everyone to feel as "pumped" as we do about freeing much-needed Arctic resources. After all, the Arctic is the common heritage of all humanity, and what we do there matters to everyone.

Isn't this sorta like telling a guy: "Your sister's really smart and pretty. You must be very proud of her. Mind if I rape her?"

Generation[redacted] June 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"Your sister is a common resource that we all share."

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Fuck. That site doesn't work here at teh Air Force. I hope it's still up when I get home tonight!!

freakishlywrong June 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

According to my recent perusing, it won't be.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Dang. The red x's just aren't that amusing.

SexySmurf June 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"Only a queer would drive a Prius.
Let's go."

anniegetyerfun June 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Hey, I drive a Prius!

Oh, wait.

Janinthepan June 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

This website has to be the work of The Yes Men. There is no way this is real.

Pop_Socket June 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Bingo. I smell spoof.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Yes!

Janinthepan June 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Called it!!

bureaucrap June 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Definitely. Their description of the "Kulluk" oil drilling platform describes it as drilling a "24-foot diameter glory hole"… ROFL!!!

NYNYNYjr June 13, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Ding ding ding. You've been paying attention to stuff.

Blueb4sunrise June 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Here's mine!

And another!

And finally…

grandinquisitor June 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yes!!

freakishlywrong June 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

The Titanic one is the shizzle, my zizzle.

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Then vote it up, man!

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

OK, one more

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Beeyootiful. (Hugs Dok)

freakishlywrong June 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

"We heart Kochs! Let's go."

Limeylizzie June 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

OT But thank God the maimed animals appear to have gone from Wonkette, i can come back now .

grandinquisitor June 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm
not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm
freakishlywrong June 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

What does this mean, this "hubris" ?

Dr_Zoidberg June 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Yeah, I throw my vote in the 'Not Real' corner, as most of the other links on the website are 'down for maintenance'.

freakishlywrong June 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm
fuflans June 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

that is super good.

TJBeck June 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

As much as I want this to be real, apparently this might be a greenpeace hoax…. Something tells me Shell wouldn't have included the Titanic in the stock images. F U greenpeace, I'm going to go kill a whale.

HempDogbane June 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Click on the Just for Kids link.

elviouslyqueer June 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Finally. Some actual truth in advertising.

WhatTheHeck June 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Shell “donates” millions to various governments around the world and gets some climate change in return.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

And everybody else gets climate change, too.
Who says trickle down doesn't work?

deelzebub June 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm
actor212 June 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

DAMMIT!

It's a parody site…
http://arcticready.com/

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Yup. see also http://arcticready.com/classic-kulluk

and http://arcticready.com/kids (warning–dumb flash game auto-play noise)

Lizzietish81 June 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Curses! Oh well, still hilarious.

An_Outhouse June 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

doh! punked by the internet. The irony is giving me a headache.

fuflans June 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

yeah but i need to practice snark in other places too.

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Still doesn't mean we can't make hi-larious ads.

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Did it at least occur to you to borrow an RNC intern to scoop out all the “cunts” and “fucks” and whatnot before posting them …?

Maybe not.

BerkeleyBear June 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Whois lists the "arcticready.com" site as registered to an entity of the same name at a p.o. box out of Vancouver, Washington (ie no affiliation with shell or its parent entities). I'm guessing this is a hoax – the language is way too over the top for bland corporate types to put on a public website, and who the heck would give away a trip to watch an oil derrick in action?

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Vancouver, WA?

Adbusters!

BerkeleyBear June 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

If we needed further proof of the parodic nature, here's a sample from the page about the drilling vessel Kulluk:

On the slight chance that something does go wrong, Shell's spill cleanup plan is second to none. No one has yet fully determined how to clean up an oil spill in pack ice or broken ice—but that too is exactly the sort of challenge we love.

Waaaaay too honest to be real.

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

We at Shell want everyone to feel as "pumped" as we do

Well, your Republican allies in Congress certainly get pumped on a regular basis…

Opportunisticly_Joe June 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Shell Oil Apparently Has Not Yet Learned What ‘The Internet’ Is For

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiFD6EFVsTg ?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Somehow, this is all Obama's fault.

anniegetyerfun June 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Did you notice that all the animals up there are white? Obviously, Barack "Jeremiah Wright" Obama hates them all.

chicken_thief June 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Because Kenyan Saul Alinsky.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Obama hates the Arctic because there is no warm place to shit.

Fred_Wertham_Jr June 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

There's a Shell refinery here in my little town, so I guess I'm gonna have to print these up and do a little postering tonight.

glamourdammerung June 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Built in 1983 by the Japanese Mitsui company, the Kulluk drilling platform is vintage, tried and tested technology that exemplifies the best of Shells's Let's Go! arsenal. Among the Kulluk's exciting technologies are a 24-foot diameter glory hole bit for punching holes deep in the ice, a 20,000-foot drill pipe, 160-foot derrick, 49.5-foot rotary table, 1000-hp top drive, 500-ton swivel, and a 400,000-pound drill string compensator!

Though the Kulluk is now almost 30 years old, she was inactive for fourteen of them, making her as reliable as a much younger craft.

http://arcticready.com/classic-kulluk

Yeah, this is parody.

weejee June 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Try using a cherry 30-year teevee to watch the stuff that now comes through the aether rather than the cable.

SenileAgitation June 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Lizzietish81 June 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm

GM did the same thing like ten years ago, and also got a lot of internet beating. Shell has no excuses not to expect this.

anniegetyerfun June 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

We're going to fuck this little fox's face off. Let's Go!

notanncoulter June 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

This is even more fun than mocking the GW Bush Library.
Seriously… did they really think this through?

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

It's a parody, but it's a good one. Check out the "Angry Bergs" game under the Just for Kids link.

sewollef June 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Am I missing some funny joke here? This is either a hacked site or a bogus site, right? Tell me it's not really Shell Oil's doing….?

notanncoulter June 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm
neiltheblaze June 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

If only we could turn the blood of environment murdering oil company sociopaths into a fuel source, we'd have enough energy for three millennia.

Pop_Socket June 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

For comparative purposes, here is the real Shell Oil website.
http://www.shell.com/

It's a pretty good facsimile.

Chicago Books to Women in Prison June 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Exactly. It's a fake site. But still funny.

Steverino247 June 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

OK. Somebody who can make the site work, please make this one:

The water scene with the three poles sticking out.

Caption: You know all those islands the Marines fought and died to take from the Japanese? Yeah, they're all underwater thanks to global warming.

Say what you like, but telling Marines their graves are going to be washed away when the sea levels rise just might get them to change their minds about this issue. I know that's asking a lot from those boneheads, but it's worth a try.

Eve8Apples June 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Here's my contribution to the cause:
http://arcticready.com/social/2636407-the-only-go

Steverino247 June 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Phil Sheridan would be proud.

An_Outhouse June 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Serolf_Divad June 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

See you in (S)hell

An_Outhouse June 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Let's Go!

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I like.

proudgrampa June 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Let's go!

StarsUponThars June 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

That's some mighty fine culture jamming right there.

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Antispandex June 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Those brought one of those happy little tears to my eyes. Seriously though, where's the picture of Sarah Palin raining death on those "cute" animals from her helicopter?

BarackMyWorld June 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I LUV U INTERWEBS.

Serolf_Divad June 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm
MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Great. Truly.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Even if it's bullshit, let's just do like the rightwing would and pretend it's true.

Billmatic June 13, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Politics is now a memetic war.

fartknocker June 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

That was fun. I'm so proud of the Wonkette community.
http://arcticready.com/social/2018911-fracking-go

UnholyMoses June 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Proof it was a spoof site: Their About page, which ends with:

Everyone can appreciate how oil—the dinosaurs' parting gift to Man—can be used to help build a better future for everyone. Let's Go!

If I were a gay Mormon who was single, I'd ask all of the Yes Men to marry me …

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm

The Yes Men are MORMONS? Who knew?

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

No internet prank would be complete without Weedlord Bonerhitler

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Oh, GAWD, am I gonna have to look like THAT, ntR?

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Eventually.

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm
BlueStateLibel June 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Awesome "Just for Kids" page explains that Artic drilling is good because: "Mommy and Daddy can drive to the store to buy you new toys." WTF Shell!

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm
mavenmaven June 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I thought we should combine two memes at once: On Mitt Romney's First Day in Office http://arcticready.com/social/8569868-on-mitt-rom

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Hey…I think I can see Mitt on the stern organizing the deck chairs.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Most excellent. Duly upfisted.

fuflans June 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm
MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:27 pm

(sniff!)

Estproph June 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Estproph June 13, 2012 at 3:24 pm

What the hell – here's another: http://arcticready.com/social/3472162-no-i-dont-t

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Excellent.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

The levitating fox is simply priceless.

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Here's a little music to go with our rainy day fun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-C75m1D9U4

Exhausted66 June 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I like.

chascates June 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

God, that's addictive. Wish they had more photos to choose from.

Designer_Radio June 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Terry June 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I don't think the Wonketters are the only ones having fun with this. The gallery is hilarious.

Terry June 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Terry June 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm
DerrickWildcat June 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I MADE A THING!

Dashboard Buddha June 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm

link or stfu

DerrickWildcat June 13, 2012 at 2:54 pm

HEy! HA!

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm

You didn't make a bear, did you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fyCa3NHabo

DerrickWildcat June 13, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I did make a bear!

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Well? Where is it?

DerrickWildcat June 14, 2012 at 1:29 am

I didn't save any of them.

Shypixel June 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Figures… I finally get in the door on one of these before they shut the fun down, and it end's up being a hoax :(

Still pretty fucking funny though…

HoytClagwell June 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

A simple truth.

Edit: Maybe I should have gone with "Because there's more money in consumption than conservation."

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Excellent!

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm
MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Kid, when are you gonna sign up and give the old man a run for his money? Those are DREADFUL. And I mean that in the *best* way.

tessiee June 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I'm going to take a moment to be a total girl here, and say that the little white arctic fox is the cutest thing ever.

Eve8Apples June 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Shell Oil is winning the War on Christmas.
http://arcticready.com/social/6450524-santa-claus

Billmatic June 13, 2012 at 3:08 pm

So the ol' Wonk is gettin bamboozled by Shell hoaxes lately huh

commiegirl June 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

HEY I WAS TIRED. But yes I would have anyway.

Billmatic June 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm

It's okay, we all want Shell to fail.

proudgrampa June 13, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I just want to epress my gratitude to all you young whippersnappers who contributed to the subversive pages in this thread today. I love you all, and I think you struck at the heart of the beast today!

Love,

proudgrampa

ttommyunger June 13, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I appreciate humor and sarcasm as a tool obviously; I'm a Wonketeer, but I can't seem to laugh at anything that brings Shell, Exxon and their ilk to mind. They destroy economies, families, countries and lives on a daily, premeditated basis. The evil they accomplish in the name of corporate profit is truly unfathomable.

KotBR June 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm
mwittier June 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm
C_R_Eature June 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I see all you Worthly Wonket Skum have been playing all day long without me.

All right, here:

WlBh

Arctic Ice

Petrothulu

Petro

Cheney

350 ppm

Melt ice

Corexit

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I didn't get the 350 ppm. Everything else — sheer genius.

C_R_Eature June 14, 2012 at 5:47 am

Well, that one got fucked!
Was referencing This and it should have looked like This

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 10:47 pm

All the good Weedlord Bonerhitler jokes have already been taken.

C_R_Eature June 14, 2012 at 5:48 am
MinAgain June 13, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Maybe not, but you can certainly run your SUV over cute.

C_R_Eature June 13, 2012 at 7:33 pm
NYNYNYjr June 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Wonkette…can't you figure out what is yes men and what is not? Maybe they could give you a hotline number.

lulzmonger June 14, 2012 at 12:07 am
C_R_Eature June 14, 2012 at 5:40 am
not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 7:58 am

Okay, this is the one.

C_R_Eature June 15, 2012 at 6:27 am

Thank you. Please feel free to screencap, use & distribute as you will!

not that Radio June 16, 2012 at 12:35 am

Will do.

btw, nobody does office pranks quite like David Thorne.

C_R_Eature June 26, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Frogs can be taught to weld.

I like this guy. Reminds me of someone.

Thanks!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Creature, you're BRILLIANT.

C_R_Eature June 15, 2012 at 6:30 am
MittBorg June 16, 2012 at 2:29 am

OMG, I'm flirting wiv a cuttlefish! Just kidding dear, I know you're too shy for that stuff. Thanks for the cephalopod.

C_R_Eature June 14, 2012 at 6:48 am

Here's Yet More:

Dr, Gonzo

Bat Country

TruckNutZ

Must. Stop. Now.

MittBorg June 16, 2012 at 2:31 am

What DO you do when you're not, you know, Wonketting, because you're so, all talented and stuff dear.

Giveusabob June 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I would nevertheless not mind having such a job, gleefully taking Shell's $$$ in exchange for sage consultation like, "No really! All that mockery you see on Twitter is excellent publicity! The Youngs just use the Internet for Permanent Opposite Day; this is their way of showing gratitude."

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Shh! You're giving the game away!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Oh, Derrick. I would've loved to see your bear.

not that Radio June 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm

You're welcome. I peed myself when I read "Justin's Floodlight".

C_R_Eature June 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

"Our primary spoken language is screaming."

This is the one line that's still making me laugh at inappropriate, random times.

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