total recall

Good Luck On Recall Of Lady Mayor Calling Your Kids ‘Queer,’ Troy, Michigan!

Pretty ladyMichigan’s most unintentionally comedic mayor since Kwame Kilpatrick was fellated while he was simultaneously texting and eating pork lips/entrails at “Benz Chili Bowl” is cold getting recalled.

We speak of Janice Daniels, the most holy and exalted mayor of Troy, MI, one of those blandly pleasant/affluent suburbs that’s pretty much indistinguishable from every other blandly pleasant/affluent suburb. Oh, look, Old Navy! And P.F. Changs!

Daniels once famously Facebooked that she was done with her “I <3 New York” tote bag because all those “queers” (her word) getting married in New York ruined her traditional values.

Then, as an apology for queergate, Daniels told a local high school gay-straight alliance that she would like to invite a “panel of psychologists” to an anti-bullying workshop so they could explain how the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous. Mainly, the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous because idiots with Janice Daniels’ worldview will beat you within an inch of your queer (her word) life for being so queer (her word).

But Daniels didn’t stop with just hating on “queers” (her word), she also hates a Chamber of Commerce-endorsed, 100% federally-funded transit center (because NOBAMA!), and city employees because she thought they’re reading her mail, and even Troy’s City Charter. Daniels called the organizing document of the city she leads “whimsical” because angels didn’t dictate it to Paul Revere so he could carve it into stone.

Nearly 10,000 Troy voters signed recall petitions filed Tuesday because when you embarrass a blandly pleasant/affluent suburb, with your homophobia and your Nixonesque petty paranoia and your putting the kibosh on goddamn free transit centers, it will cut a bitch.

Good luck on your recall, Troy, Michigan!

About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

View all articles by Jeff Wattrick

Comments

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  • Barb

    She should get to know a queer and get some advice on a decent hairstyle.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Wasn't there a show about that? "Queer Eye for the Fat Chick?"

      • edgydrifter

        I think you just described TLC's entire fall lineup.

      • Callyson

        RuPaul's Drag U is an American reality television series. Hosted by RuPaul and a team of drag queen "professors," Drag U is a spin-off of the series RuPaul's Drag Race…In each episode of RuPaul's Drag U three women are given drag makeovers and taught to access their "inner divas"

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RuPaul%27s_Drag_U

        Though I'm not sure even RuPaul can help this dingbat out…

        • finallyhappy

          I've considered offering to be on the show. I was at the Capitol pride parade and all the drag queens looked better than me- not to mention the non-drag guys. I think I am sort of a straight female version of a bear- but not as hairy- and not quite as large- also not wearing leather

          • Callyson

            I would *love* to go on that show…from the internetz:SEEKING WOMEN WHO WANT TO UNLEASH THEIR INNER DIVA! TO NOMINATE, PLEASE EMAIL TO: DragUcasting@Gmail.com Include a brief bio of the woman you are nominating, her name, age, and occupation. Tell us her story and why she needs a makeover. Attach recent photos. Don’t forget a phone number. Must live in LA Area and be ages 18- 45(Though I think they've had women over 45, so I don't know how strictly they apply the upper age limit…)

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Most of my gay friends look better in a dress than I do.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And that blouse! OMG! Did she ransack Bristol's trailer?

      • elviouslyqueer

        For shame, actor! You don't recognize that as being from Pope Benedict's 2010 clerical couture line? It's call the "Cum Catcher."

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I'm sorry! I'm new on the gay scene!

    • An_Outhouse

      I thought she was the bass player for Spinal Tap.

  • nounverb911

    She looks just like Marcus's younger brother in drag.

  • mrpuma2u

    Yeah she needs Queer fashion help for sure, I mean did she steal that outfit from the "Facts of life" wardrobe, or "Family Ties"??

    • Terry

      Troy, MI, is home to the "fancy" mall in the Detroit area called The Somerset Collection. Home to Nordstrom, Saks Fifth Avenue, Hugo Boss, Ann Taylor, Burberry, Vera Bradley, Kate Spade, Gucci, Cole Haan, many others. In fact, Troy is really made up only of that massive upscale mall complex, a bunch of office buildings, and suburban houses. Miz Thang needs to really try to dress that ugly in Troy.

      • Chichikovovich

        Also the corporate headquarters of Kmart, though. Could be she's been ransacking the blue light specials.

        • Terry

          You are correct. There is even a Kmart right on Big Beaver, not far from Somerset Mall, uh, Collection.

        • Negropolis

          Well, that was until Kmart bought Sears and moved Kmart headquarters to Chicagoland.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Hm. It does look very-Blair Warnerish.

  • Barb

    That was a difficult head to get through the birth canal!

    • nounverb911

      It's truly "Panamax".

    • Schmannnity

      I disagree. If that head will fit up her anus, it will pass through a birth canal.

    • James Michael Curley

      Low bridge, everybody down,
      Low bridge for we're going through a town,
      And you always know your neighbour,
      You'll always know your pal,
      If you've ever navigated on the Erie Canal.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Stupid bitch is stupid, and so is her Kevlar hair helmet.

    • nounverb911

      Did she steal it from Callista?

  • Allmighty_Manos

    She looks like a scribe from the Middle Ages

  • Schmannnity

    My, what a manly jacket.

  • metamarcisf

    Bonnie Franklin's evil twin.

  • Steverino247

    Tits or GTFO (of office)

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Quaker Miss Piggy.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Piggy libel! Our dear swine puppet wouldn't have been caught dead in such a get-up.

  • Hera Sent Me

    Why is she dressed like an Iranian man?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      this is a perfect comment.

  • ratcityrebel

    Surprised she didn't try to change the city name to something not associated with those queer Greeks.

  • Come here a minute

    Haven't you heard? The queers have taken back "her word".

  • MissTaken

    Her hairstyle is proof that the lack of homosexual lifestyle is dangerous.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She should call Scott Walker to get some helpful hints on fighting the recall. Also, if she were to get seven or eight times as much in campaign donations as her challenger gets, that would be helpful too.

    • sullivanst

      Any word on whether Troy's recall procedures mirror Wisconsin's quirky non-recall recalls?

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      The GOP dictionary now has two entries for "I don't recall." See Gonzales.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    I'm thinking she wants to rethink her own orientation. As it's been said, that would immediately double her chances for a date on Saturday night.

    Although, based on that pic, it's still true that 2 X 0 = 0. I can't decide whether that hairdo screams "Darth Vader" or "glans penis."

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Twice nothing is still nothing

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    On the upside, I hear Fox News pays better than being mayor, so there's that.

  • freakishlywrong

    You mean SHES straight? Looks like my gym teacher from High Skew.

    • eggsacklywright

      Obviously a closet thespian.

    • finallyhappy

      really, cut her hair short and give her a necktie- she is a guy

  • SorosBot

    She'd look better as a nearly-shapeless white silhouette on a gray background.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You leave Hitchcock out of this.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She traded in her "I <3 NY" tote bag for one saying "I H8 Fags." She bought it from the Fred Phelps website.

  • Goonemeritus

    Troy, MI- If you can’t make it there you can’t make it anywhere.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Then, as an apology for queergate, Daniels told a local high school gay-straight alliance that she would like to invite a “panel of psychologists” to an anti-bullying workshop so they could explain how the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous.

    How is it dangerous, Ms. Looney-Tunes? Bacause you might get stabbed while swordfighting?

    • Fare la Volpe

      That's not funny man — my brother died that way!!

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    I am a (blandly pleasant) psychologist. I would like to volunteer to be on Mayor Daniels' panel.

    • sullivanst

      I'm not sure you'd survive her screening process. Unless you're also into amateur dramatics, that is…

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        My dad has a barn!

    • vtxmcrider

      If that is your picture, you are the wrong color for her panel … not to mention uppity to even think you would be considered.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Title of her anti-bullying workshop: 'I h8 New York Queers'

  • x111e7thst

    I hate fags.( Not one will let me blow him in the truck stop rest room)

    • sullivanst

      Me too. Smoking's a disgusting habit. </british>

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    With chubby hamster cheeks like hers, why did she need a tote bag anyway? Couldn't she just stuff the ham under her tongue?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    And it is only fitting she's from Troy, where in it's Greek namesake Troy pederasty was so popular. Is this perhaps her Achilles' heel?

    • SorosBot

      Troy wasn't Greek! It was in what's now Turkey, and the Greeks went to war against them.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Ooops, went dyslexic with Achilles.

        • glamourdammerung

          Aegean libel!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        In the original language, it was called "Bison".

    • Angry_Marmot

      Patroclus was Achilles' feel.

  • Estproph

    I think there's more Jack than Janice governing Troy MI.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Troy, please find a competent candidate to run against her before going to all this trouble. No, I'm not projecting.

  • SorosBot

    Prince Valiant has really let himself go.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And here I thought it was Bucky Larson branching out.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Hiardressers in the know refer to that style as 'The Skullfuck'.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Had she not said all those mean things about queers, they probably would have humanized her much more.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Look, lady, you are the mayor of Troy, Michigan. Not Mesa, Arizona.

    • Negropolis

      Honestly.

      Janice Daniels is what's happened when your mayoral election turnout is 13 fuckin' percent.

  • Abernathy

    I know another homophobic transportation grinch the people tried to recall. Hope it goes better for Troy than the state of WI.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    You can't have a transit center because it might encourage the New York Queerz to come to Troy.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      But the New York Queerz practically invented punk! Maybe she's just more into Iggy & The Stooges.

    • Negropolis

      It's funny, because a lot of folks in Troy (and suburban Detroit in general) have been blocking region-wide mass transit, because it'd allow "undesirables" from Detroit to access their community.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Why do I see a remake of "Troy" with Daniels taking the Orlando Bloom role?

    • Fare la Volpe

      I was thinking more the bloated corpse Achilles drags around the city.

      I've always wanted to be a casting agent.

      • Angry_Marmot

        Stop hectoring that poor woman!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    For starters, what's more queer-sounding than the name Troy?

    • eggsacklywright

      Tab.

      • vtxmcrider

        With a name like Tag, Romney's son's ass must be really sore.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Tuck?

  • sullivanst

    She had good reason to oppose the transport center. Her train to a FEMA reeducation camp was going to be the first one out of there when it opened.

  • Not_So_Much

    Where does she get tinfoil for her hat that looks just like horsetail hair?

  • Fare la Volpe

    That is a Sharron Angle hairtrastrophe.

    • glamourdammerung

      Which probably says one should not trade chickens for a $5 haircut.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Wanna know what's even more insane? The lady who said we should trade chickens for healthcare lost to Sharron Angle.

        Let that sink in for a minute. Compared to that chick, Sharron Angle seemed like the rational choice.

        • glamourdammerung

          After a while, all the stupidity just sort of blends together.

  • IncenseDebate

    Troy, New York is way cooler.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Rensselaer has a pretty reputable Planetary Geology program, at least.

    • AutomaticPilot

      Especially now that they have a Dinosaur BBQ!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I doubt she's ever been to NYC. If she ever had been, she would have hated it anyway.

  • cheetojeebus

    No one is gonna hit that in the 'traditional' sense.

  • Billmatic

    So I assume out of state super PACs are gonna pour millions into this recall election so that she stays in office?

  • Franknflower

    Does she look like a big fat penis or is it just me? I am kinda queer.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Is that hairstyle called "The Dickhead"?

  • el_donaldo

    I can't place her – was she the one in Dumb and Dumber or the Amish bowler in Kingpin?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Some members of the Troy business community are behind her, including local C.E.O. Ron Wilson, who told the Detroit Free Press, in a quote worthy of the novel Catch-22: "The City of Troy cannot afford this $8.5 million of free money."

    Well — local CEO Ron Wilson is a businessman, so clearly he knows how jobs are created. Can we officially dump that meme now? Especially on the day that first-class fraud and idiot Jamie Dimon is testifying before Congress on how he lost $2 billion of his customers' money?

    • Negropolis

      She literally found th one businessman in Troy that would support her, becauase the local chamber of commerce tried to do damage control after her man blunders. In fact, when the upscale, regional mall in Troy was to be boycotted, the mall basically said leave them the fuck out of this and left Daniels dangling.

      Maybe it's the region, but a lot of people realize that blatant homophobia is just plain bad business as is being against greater transit access to the community.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Troy, home of Dr. Jack Van Impe! http://www.jvim.com/

    • YasserArraFeck

      Oh Fuck – the image of Jack, Rexella and Janice in an infernal scripture-laced three-way just jumped into my head…..Medic!!!!!!!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Opportunisticly_Joe

    Daniels once famously Facebooked that she was done with her “I &lt;3 New York” tote bag because all those “queers” (her word) getting married in New York ruined her traditional values.

    Yeah, well, we New Yorkers never even started with Troy, Michigan, because honestly it sounds like a pretty godawful hole, and at very least, it has a shitty mayor.

    • An_Outhouse

      New York already has a Troy. We don't need another one.

    • bikerlaureate

      People in another city doing things that repulse me have often ruined my values. Darn them.

  • Doktor Zoom

    She scares me. Something about her makes me think she's going to ask me to flip a coin to decide whether I live or die.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      And then blast you through and through with some kind of weird canister-weapon?

      • Doktor Zoom

        Chigurh, please.

  • ElPinche

    Come on guys, don't make fun of her looks! Her inner she-male is uglier.

    • toaster_pastry

      Hi offensive asshole. I'm trans, and hotter than you or anyone that's ever been kind enough to sleep with you.

      DIAF, pig.

  • ratcityrebel

    Is this maybe her 8×10 glossy when she played Richard III?

  • comptoneffect

    "Good luck on your recall, Troy, Michigan!"

    Thanks. The wife and I signed the recall and are gonna vote against her for a second time. Just keep that asshole Ed Schultz the hell outta here during the recall.

  • Limeylizzie

    She looks bi-curious, also bi-ignorant.

  • Limeylizzie

    Hey where is my avatar?

    • SorosBot

      Only a handful remain, otherwise this place is full of gh-gh-gh-gh-ghosts!

      That and people using Macs (or at least MissTaken) are seeing things just fine.

      • Limeylizzie

        I am using my MacBook Pro.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Nope. I'm on a Mac, and it's a ghost-town, including me.

  • __kth__

    Right, because before gay marriage, NYC was known as a bastion of traditional values.

  • CarnyTrash

    The Quaker Oats guy is a mayor?

    • Negropolis

      WIN

  • Guppy

    The problem with recall elections is that they are a relief valve for voter anger. Imagine how much more pissed voters would be if they had to wait for her term to end. Why, they might actually be pissed off enough to actually accomplish something!

  • hagajim

    I'm sorry, but I feel like this entire post is queer, as in weird, as in made me vaguely nauseous, especially that fine photo…how queer is that?

  • not that Radio

    Roberta Muldoon is the mayor of Troy, MI?

    • HoytClagwell

      "Access Denied

      The owner of this website (www.dallasvoice.com) does not allow hotlinking to that resource (/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/lead-3.jpg). (Ref. 1011)"

  • neiltheblaze

    She looks like Uncle Fester when that homicidal awful wife of his put him in a wig and a leisure suit.

  • Corrugated Palin

    For the record, Google tells me that the population of Troy is just over 80,000.

    Hopefully that means we can actually recall SOMEONE in this state.

    • Negropolis

      You forget that the MEA recalled Paul Scott, last year?

  • Antispandex

    Every time one of these Teapublicans speak, I think I hear a disembodied voice saying, "Pay no attention to that flatulence behind the curtain, I am the great and powerfull…".

  • Nowisallthereis

    Here is her office address
    500 WEST BIG BEAVER – TROY – MICHIGAN – 48084

    No joke. I don't know where to start – over to you……………

    • samualwakefieldbates

      Big Beaver's exit off of I-75?

      Exit 69.

      No joke. I love Michigan!

    • Negropolis

      Big Beaver is Troy's "mainstreet" and its freeway exit is numbered 69. No shit. It has a Hooters and everything.

  • DrunkIrishman

    She could be a fuckin' linebacker there. Holy hell.

  • troyguy

    I'm sure the recall folks could use some more financial help to get rid of her. Donate here: http://www.recalljanicedaniels.org/donate.html

  • EBGrey

    Hey, leave the Mayor alone. He's a good man!

  • a_pink_poodle

    It's people like her who turn down Federal money for a transit center that I blame for why Seattle is in the top 10 cities in the US with the worst traffic. We could have had a Federally paid for rail system in the 70's but people voted it down 3 times! WHY WHY WHY STUPID GRRRRRRR

    Oh and it's not nice to out people too I guess.

  • ttommyunger

    Translation: "I can't find anybody willing to fuck me so nobody should be fucking, period."

  • TribecaMike

    Though it only goes up to ten, my Closeted Self-Hating Dykedar© is reading 18.

  • Negropolis

    Wait, Jeff Watrick? The Jeff Watrick? The Jeff Watrick of MLive.com fame at these Wonkettes?