TOTAL RECALL  11:02 am June 13, 2012

Good Luck On Recall Of Lady Mayor Calling Your Kids ‘Queer,’ Troy, Michigan!

by Jeff Wattrick

Pretty ladyMichigan’s most unintentionally comedic mayor since Kwame Kilpatrick was fellated while he was simultaneously texting and eating pork lips/entrails at “Benz Chili Bowl” is cold getting recalled.

We speak of Janice Daniels, the most holy and exalted mayor of Troy, MI, one of those blandly pleasant/affluent suburbs that’s pretty much indistinguishable from every other blandly pleasant/affluent suburb. Oh, look, Old Navy! And P.F. Changs!

Daniels once famously Facebooked that she was done with her “I <3 New York” tote bag because all those “queers” (her word) getting married in New York ruined her traditional values.

Then, as an apology for queergate, Daniels told a local high school gay-straight alliance that she would like to invite a “panel of psychologists” to an anti-bullying workshop so they could explain how the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous. Mainly, the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous because idiots with Janice Daniels’ worldview will beat you within an inch of your queer (her word) life for being so queer (her word).

But Daniels didn’t stop with just hating on “queers” (her word), she also hates a Chamber of Commerce-endorsed, 100% federally-funded transit center (because NOBAMA!), and city employees because she thought they’re reading her mail, and even Troy’s City Charter. Daniels called the organizing document of the city she leads “whimsical” because angels didn’t dictate it to Paul Revere so he could carve it into stone.

Nearly 10,000 Troy voters signed recall petitions filed Tuesday because when you embarrass a blandly pleasant/affluent suburb, with your homophobia and your Nixonesque petty paranoia and your putting the kibosh on goddamn free transit centers, it will cut a bitch.

Good luck on your recall, Troy, Michigan!

 
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{ 143 comments }

Barb June 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

She should get to know a queer and get some advice on a decent hairstyle.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Wasn't there a show about that? "Queer Eye for the Fat Chick?"

edgydrifter June 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

I think you just described TLC's entire fall lineup.

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

RuPaul's Drag U is an American reality television series. Hosted by RuPaul and a team of drag queen "professors," Drag U is a spin-off of the series RuPaul's Drag Race…In each episode of RuPaul's Drag U three women are given drag makeovers and taught to access their "inner divas"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RuPaul%27s_Drag_U

Though I'm not sure even RuPaul can help this dingbat out…

finallyhappy June 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I've considered offering to be on the show. I was at the Capitol pride parade and all the drag queens looked better than me- not to mention the non-drag guys. I think I am sort of a straight female version of a bear- but not as hairy- and not quite as large- also not wearing leather

Callyson June 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I would *love* to go on that show…from the internetz:SEEKING WOMEN WHO WANT TO UNLEASH THEIR INNER DIVA! TO NOMINATE, PLEASE EMAIL TO: DragUcasting@Gmail.com Include a brief bio of the woman you are nominating, her name, age, and occupation. Tell us her story and why she needs a makeover. Attach recent photos. Don’t forget a phone number. Must live in LA Area and be ages 18- 45(Though I think they've had women over 45, so I don't know how strictly they apply the upper age limit…)

starfanglednut June 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Most of my gay friends look better in a dress than I do.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

And that blouse! OMG! Did she ransack Bristol's trailer?

elviouslyqueer June 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

For shame, actor! You don't recognize that as being from Pope Benedict's 2010 clerical couture line? It's call the "Cum Catcher."

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

I'm sorry! I'm new on the gay scene!

An_Outhouse June 13, 2012 at 11:53 am

I thought she was the bass player for Spinal Tap.

nounverb911 June 13, 2012 at 11:04 am

She looks just like Marcus's younger brother in drag.

mrpuma2u June 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

Yeah she needs Queer fashion help for sure, I mean did she steal that outfit from the "Facts of life" wardrobe, or "Family Ties"??

Terry June 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

Troy, MI, is home to the "fancy" mall in the Detroit area called The Somerset Collection. Home to Nordstrom, Saks Fifth Avenue, Hugo Boss, Ann Taylor, Burberry, Vera Bradley, Kate Spade, Gucci, Cole Haan, many others. In fact, Troy is really made up only of that massive upscale mall complex, a bunch of office buildings, and suburban houses. Miz Thang needs to really try to dress that ugly in Troy.

Chichikovovich June 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Also the corporate headquarters of Kmart, though. Could be she's been ransacking the blue light specials.

Terry June 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

You are correct. There is even a Kmart right on Big Beaver, not far from Somerset Mall, uh, Collection.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:40 am

Well, that was until Kmart bought Sears and moved Kmart headquarters to Chicagoland.

Butch_Wagstaff June 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Hm. It does look very-Blair Warnerish.

Barb June 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

That was a difficult head to get through the birth canal!

nounverb911 June 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

It's truly "Panamax".

Schmannnity June 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

I disagree. If that head will fit up her anus, it will pass through a birth canal.

James Michael Curley June 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Low bridge, everybody down,
Low bridge for we're going through a town,
And you always know your neighbour,
You'll always know your pal,
If you've ever navigated on the Erie Canal.

CrunchyKnee June 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

Stupid bitch is stupid, and so is her Kevlar hair helmet.

nounverb911 June 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Did she steal it from Callista?

Allmighty_Manos June 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

She looks like a scribe from the Middle Ages

Schmannnity June 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

My, what a manly jacket.

metamarcisf June 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

Bonnie Franklin's evil twin.

Steverino247 June 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Tits or GTFO (of office)

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Quaker Miss Piggy.

anniegetyerfun June 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Piggy libel! Our dear swine puppet wouldn't have been caught dead in such a get-up.

Hera Sent Me June 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

Why is she dressed like an Iranian man?

fuflans June 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm

this is a perfect comment.

ratcityrebel June 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

Surprised she didn't try to change the city name to something not associated with those queer Greeks.

nounverb911 June 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

Lesbos?

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Looks like a terrific island! What do you girls do for kicks?

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

Provincetown?

Come here a minute June 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

Haven't you heard? The queers have taken back "her word".

MissTaken June 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

Her hairstyle is proof that the lack of homosexual lifestyle is dangerous.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 11:14 am

She should call Scott Walker to get some helpful hints on fighting the recall. Also, if she were to get seven or eight times as much in campaign donations as her challenger gets, that would be helpful too.

sullivanst June 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

Any word on whether Troy's recall procedures mirror Wisconsin's quirky non-recall recalls?

deanbooth June 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

The GOP dictionary now has two entries for "I don't recall." See Gonzales.

FlownOver June 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

I'm thinking she wants to rethink her own orientation. As it's been said, that would immediately double her chances for a date on Saturday night.

Although, based on that pic, it's still true that 2 X 0 = 0. I can't decide whether that hairdo screams "Darth Vader" or "glans penis."

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Twice nothing is still nothing

Joshua Norton June 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

On the upside, I hear Fox News pays better than being mayor, so there's that.

freakishlywrong June 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

You mean SHES straight? Looks like my gym teacher from High Skew.

eggsacklywright June 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

Obviously a closet thespian.

finallyhappy June 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

really, cut her hair short and give her a necktie- she is a guy

SorosBot June 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

She'd look better as a nearly-shapeless white silhouette on a gray background.

Fare la Volpe June 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

You leave Hitchcock out of this.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

She traded in her "I <3 NY" tote bag for one saying "I H8 Fags." She bought it from the Fred Phelps website.

Goonemeritus June 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

Troy, MI- If you can’t make it there you can’t make it anywhere.

Oblios_Cap June 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

Then, as an apology for queergate, Daniels told a local high school gay-straight alliance that she would like to invite a “panel of psychologists” to an anti-bullying workshop so they could explain how the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous.

How is it dangerous, Ms. Looney-Tunes? Bacause you might get stabbed while swordfighting?

Fare la Volpe June 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

That's not funny man — my brother died that way!!

Spurning Beer June 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

I am a (blandly pleasant) psychologist. I would like to volunteer to be on Mayor Daniels' panel.

sullivanst June 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

I'm not sure you'd survive her screening process. Unless you're also into amateur dramatics, that is…

Spurning Beer June 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

My dad has a barn!

vtxmcrider June 13, 2012 at 7:40 pm

If that is your picture, you are the wrong color for her panel … not to mention uppity to even think you would be considered.

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

Title of her anti-bullying workshop: 'I h8 New York Queers'

x111e7thst June 13, 2012 at 11:20 am

I hate fags.( Not one will let me blow him in the truck stop rest room)

sullivanst June 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Me too. Smoking's a disgusting habit. </british>

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 11:20 am

With chubby hamster cheeks like hers, why did she need a tote bag anyway? Couldn't she just stuff the ham under her tongue?

weejee June 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

And it is only fitting she's from Troy, where in it's Greek namesake Troy pederasty was so popular. Is this perhaps her Achilles' heel?

SorosBot June 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Troy wasn't Greek! It was in what's now Turkey, and the Greeks went to war against them.

weejee June 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Ooops, went dyslexic with Achilles.

glamourdammerung June 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Aegean libel!

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

In the original language, it was called "Bison".

Angry_Marmot June 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

Patroclus was Achilles' feel.

Estproph June 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

I think there's more Jack than Janice governing Troy MI.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

Troy, please find a competent candidate to run against her before going to all this trouble. No, I'm not projecting.

SorosBot June 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Prince Valiant has really let himself go.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

And here I thought it was Bucky Larson branching out.

Mittens Howell, III June 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Hiardressers in the know refer to that style as 'The Skullfuck'.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Had she not said all those mean things about queers, they probably would have humanized her much more.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Look, lady, you are the mayor of Troy, Michigan. Not Mesa, Arizona.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:43 am

Honestly.

Janice Daniels is what's happened when your mayoral election turnout is 13 fuckin' percent.

Abernathy June 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

I know another homophobic transportation grinch the people tried to recall. Hope it goes better for Troy than the state of WI.

Maman June 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

You can't have a transit center because it might encourage the New York Queerz to come to Troy.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

But the New York Queerz practically invented punk! Maybe she's just more into Iggy & The Stooges.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:44 am

It's funny, because a lot of folks in Troy (and suburban Detroit in general) have been blocking region-wide mass transit, because it'd allow "undesirables" from Detroit to access their community.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

Why do I see a remake of "Troy" with Daniels taking the Orlando Bloom role?

Fare la Volpe June 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

I was thinking more the bloated corpse Achilles drags around the city.

I've always wanted to be a casting agent.

Angry_Marmot June 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

Stop hectoring that poor woman!

mrblifil June 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

For starters, what's more queer-sounding than the name Troy?

eggsacklywright June 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

Tab.

vtxmcrider June 13, 2012 at 7:42 pm

With a name like Tag, Romney's son's ass must be really sore.

Butch_Wagstaff June 13, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Tuck?

sullivanst June 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

She had good reason to oppose the transport center. Her train to a FEMA reeducation camp was going to be the first one out of there when it opened.

Not_So_Much June 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

Where does she get tinfoil for her hat that looks just like horsetail hair?

Fare la Volpe June 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

That is a Sharron Angle hairtrastrophe.

glamourdammerung June 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

Which probably says one should not trade chickens for a $5 haircut.

Fare la Volpe June 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

Wanna know what's even more insane? The lady who said we should trade chickens for healthcare lost to Sharron Angle.

Let that sink in for a minute. Compared to that chick, Sharron Angle seemed like the rational choice.

glamourdammerung June 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

After a while, all the stupidity just sort of blends together.

IncenseDebate June 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

Troy, New York is way cooler.

BaldarTFlagass June 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Rensselaer has a pretty reputable Planetary Geology program, at least.

AutomaticPilot June 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Especially now that they have a Dinosaur BBQ!

Butch_Wagstaff June 13, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I doubt she's ever been to NYC. If she ever had been, she would have hated it anyway.

cheetojeebus June 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

No one is gonna hit that in the 'traditional' sense.

Billmatic June 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

So I assume out of state super PACs are gonna pour millions into this recall election so that she stays in office?

Franknflower June 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Does she look like a big fat penis or is it just me? I am kinda queer.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Is that hairstyle called "The Dickhead"?

el_donaldo June 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

I can't place her – was she the one in Dumb and Dumber or the Amish bowler in Kingpin?

elviouslyqueer June 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

Yes.

SayItWithWookies June 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Some members of the Troy business community are behind her, including local C.E.O. Ron Wilson, who told the Detroit Free Press, in a quote worthy of the novel Catch-22: "The City of Troy cannot afford this $8.5 million of free money."

Well — local CEO Ron Wilson is a businessman, so clearly he knows how jobs are created. Can we officially dump that meme now? Especially on the day that first-class fraud and idiot Jamie Dimon is testifying before Congress on how he lost $2 billion of his customers' money?

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:54 am

She literally found th one businessman in Troy that would support her, becauase the local chamber of commerce tried to do damage control after her man blunders. In fact, when the upscale, regional mall in Troy was to be boycotted, the mall basically said leave them the fuck out of this and left Daniels dangling.

Maybe it's the region, but a lot of people realize that blatant homophobia is just plain bad business as is being against greater transit access to the community.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

Troy, home of Dr. Jack Van Impe! http://www.jvim.com/

YasserArraFeck June 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

Oh Fuck – the image of Jack, Rexella and Janice in an infernal scripture-laced three-way just jumped into my head…..Medic!!!!!!!

Opportunisticly_Joe June 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

Daniels once famously Facebooked that she was done with her “I &lt;3 New York” tote bag because all those “queers” (her word) getting married in New York ruined her traditional values.

Yeah, well, we New Yorkers never even started with Troy, Michigan, because honestly it sounds like a pretty godawful hole, and at very least, it has a shitty mayor.

An_Outhouse June 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

New York already has a Troy. We don't need another one.

bikerlaureate June 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

People in another city doing things that repulse me have often ruined my values. Darn them.

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

She scares me. Something about her makes me think she's going to ask me to flip a coin to decide whether I live or die.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

And then blast you through and through with some kind of weird canister-weapon?

Doktor Zoom June 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Chigurh, please.

ElPinche June 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Come on guys, don't make fun of her looks! Her inner she-male is uglier.

toaster_pastry June 17, 2012 at 11:38 am

Hi offensive asshole. I'm trans, and hotter than you or anyone that's ever been kind enough to sleep with you.

DIAF, pig.

ratcityrebel June 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Is this maybe her 8×10 glossy when she played Richard III?

comptoneffect June 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

"Good luck on your recall, Troy, Michigan!"

Thanks. The wife and I signed the recall and are gonna vote against her for a second time. Just keep that asshole Ed Schultz the hell outta here during the recall.

Limeylizzie June 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

She looks bi-curious, also bi-ignorant.

Limeylizzie June 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

Hey where is my avatar?

SorosBot June 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Only a handful remain, otherwise this place is full of gh-gh-gh-gh-ghosts!

That and people using Macs (or at least MissTaken) are seeing things just fine.

Limeylizzie June 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I am using my MacBook Pro.

Chet Kincaid June 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Nope. I'm on a Mac, and it's a ghost-town, including me.

__kth__ June 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

Right, because before gay marriage, NYC was known as a bastion of traditional values.

CarnyTrash June 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

The Quaker Oats guy is a mayor?

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:56 am

WIN

Guppy June 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

The problem with recall elections is that they are a relief valve for voter anger. Imagine how much more pissed voters would be if they had to wait for her term to end. Why, they might actually be pissed off enough to actually accomplish something!

hagajim June 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

I'm sorry, but I feel like this entire post is queer, as in weird, as in made me vaguely nauseous, especially that fine photo…how queer is that?

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

Roberta Muldoon is the mayor of Troy, MI?

HoytClagwell June 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

"Access Denied

The owner of this website (www.dallasvoice.com) does not allow hotlinking to that resource (/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/lead-3.jpg). (Ref. 1011)"

not that Radio June 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Weird. I can access it from the link.

Try this: http://www.afterelton.com/sites/www.afterelton.co

EDIT: Okay. Must have been cached. I get the same error now. That's okay; the joke wasn't that funny.

neiltheblaze June 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

She looks like Uncle Fester when that homicidal awful wife of his put him in a wig and a leisure suit.

Corrugated Palin June 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

For the record, Google tells me that the population of Troy is just over 80,000.

Hopefully that means we can actually recall SOMEONE in this state.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:57 am

You forget that the MEA recalled Paul Scott, last year?

Antispandex June 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Every time one of these Teapublicans speak, I think I hear a disembodied voice saying, "Pay no attention to that flatulence behind the curtain, I am the great and powerfull…".

Nowisallthereis June 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Here is her office address
500 WEST BIG BEAVER – TROY – MICHIGAN – 48084

No joke. I don't know where to start – over to you……………

samualwakefieldbates June 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Big Beaver's exit off of I-75?

Exit 69.

No joke. I love Michigan!

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:58 am

Big Beaver is Troy's "mainstreet" and its freeway exit is numbered 69. No shit. It has a Hooters and everything.

DrunkIrishman June 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

She could be a fuckin' linebacker there. Holy hell.

troyguy June 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I'm sure the recall folks could use some more financial help to get rid of her. Donate here: http://www.recalljanicedaniels.org/donate.html

EBGrey June 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Hey, leave the Mayor alone. He's a good man!

a_pink_poodle June 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

It's people like her who turn down Federal money for a transit center that I blame for why Seattle is in the top 10 cities in the US with the worst traffic. We could have had a Federally paid for rail system in the 70's but people voted it down 3 times! WHY WHY WHY STUPID GRRRRRRR

Oh and it's not nice to out people too I guess.

ttommyunger June 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Translation: "I can't find anybody willing to fuck me so nobody should be fucking, period."

TribecaMike June 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Though it only goes up to ten, my Closeted Self-Hating Dykedar© is reading 18.

Negropolis June 14, 2012 at 2:36 am

Wait, Jeff Watrick? The Jeff Watrick? The Jeff Watrick of MLive.com fame at these Wonkettes?

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