Louisiana Was Totally Cool With Paying For Kids To Go To Religious Schools Until Other Religions Show Up

by Rich Abdill

"Math class"We told you last week about Louisiana’s new plan for educating its youth, which is to stop having a plan for educating its youth and just dump everybody into classrooms owned by private companies that replace teachers with Moses Explains Algebra on VHS.

They’re set to steer tens of millions of dollars into the new privatization program, which pays for vouchers that parents can use to send their children to religious schools. Gov. Bobby Jindal said the state was “changing the way we deliver education,” which is a lot like Domino’s saying it’s changing the way it delivers pizza by locking up the store and telling everyone to buy a Hot Pocket from the Vatican. In any case, Louisiana Republicans loved the plan. Until a group of folks showed up to ruin the whole thing: Muslims.  

Yes, apparently when you shove through legislation that allows religious organizations to receive state funding, Christians aren’t the only ones who want it — an Islamic school was one of 38 institutions approved for the voucher program, which is a huge problem for people who believe religion helps children so long as it is the religion of the swamp people they are representing. From the AP:

Rep. Kenneth Havard, R-Jackson, objected to including the Islamic School of Greater New Orleans in a list of schools approved by the education department to accept as many as 38 voucher students. Havard said he wouldn’t support any spending plan that “will fund Islamic teaching.”

“I won’t go back home and explain to my people that I supported this,” he said.

“It’ll be the Church of Scientology next year,” said Rep. Sam Jones, D-Franklin.

Carter, R-Baton Rouge, said the Islamic school withdrew its request to participate in the voucher program.

“They’re not interested. The system works,” he said.

Yes! We’ve intimidated a state-certified school from teaching students because we’re scared of brown people. The system works. And fuck Scientology, too! You don’t think complex educational systems should be slapped together all willy-nilly while a room full of blender salesmen and guys named Sherman decide which religion is best? Then move over to the Florida panhandle, hippy! (Heads-up: The teachers there are allowed to hit you.) [AP]

 
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{ 172 comments }

Barb June 14, 2012 at 9:02 am

Muslim schools in Louisiana would be great!

Would the thobe or kufi be acceptable in camouflage color?
"Assalam Alaiykum ya'll."
They wouldn't even have to put names under the girl's photos in the yearbooks. Who can tell who's who with a burqa on?

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:28 am

Well, they could put the names there, but it's certain that if they fucked up the picture placement no one would know.

chascates June 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

Honor killings would become shotgun marriages.

Haven't figured out that 'halal' boudin thing yet.

crybabyboehner June 14, 2012 at 9:55 am

Let the good times (and heads) roll !

sbj1964 June 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

Our founding fathers saw this coming.That's what the seperation claus is all about.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

I thought Separation Claus was the guy who delivers presents at KKKristmas?

notgross June 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

No, that's the Sanity Clause.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 9:46 am
sbj1964 June 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

Just a typo sport.Texting comments on your phone from work while the boss is around will do that.Spell check Nazi's?

Estproph June 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

Religion=fundamentalist dominionist Christian Identity Baptism. All other beliefs are Of The Devil.

Goonemeritus June 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

Which is a lot like Domino’s saying it’s changing the way it delivers pizza by locking up the store and telling everyone to buy a Hot Pocket from the Vatican

You can criticize the Roman Catholic Church for a lot of things but in all the time I spent at the Vatican I never witnessed anyone eating or procuring a Hot Pocket.

jakegittes June 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

Oh yeah? What about the altar boys?

Goonemeritus June 14, 2012 at 9:17 am

I never witnessed them eating Hot Pockets either.

jakegittes June 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

That's because the cover-up tactics were so effective.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm

They *are* the HotPockets, Goon.

Guppy June 14, 2012 at 9:40 am

The term you're looking for is "Hot Carl."

cheetojeebus June 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

The italians invented the frikkin hot pocket. Calzone is a hot pocket, it just took a multinational food conglomerate to ruin it. The word is even means pants leg.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Fer reals? That's hilarious!

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

which is a lot like Domino’s saying it’s changing the way it delivers pizza by locking up the store and telling everyone to buy a Hot Pocket from the Vatican.

I'd be careful when ordering. "Hot Pocket" has another, completely different meaning in the Catholic Church.

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

"Hot Pocket"..//..different meaning..

Beat me to it ~

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

See what happens when I wake at a reasonable hour? Tonight I'll drink some NyQuil before heading off to bed, I promise.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Not unless you're ill or something. We don't want you getting hooked on Nyquil on *our* account.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 11:55 pm

I gladly suffer for my snark, dear one.

chascates June 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

"Is that a high trans-fat pastry in your pocket or are you happy to rape me?"

bureaucrap June 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

I think its what they call the altar boys….ewww….

bureaucrap June 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

It says right there in the constitution, "Freedom to be a fundamentalist christian baptist white male shall not be abridged."

freakishlywrong June 14, 2012 at 9:34 am

Don't give them any ideas..

chicken_thief June 14, 2012 at 10:34 am

Everyone knows what Jesus and Ronald Reagan meant when they collaborated with Tommy J.

Dashboard_Jesus June 19, 2012 at 12:44 am

sounds like 'abridged to nowhere' to me

johnnyzhivago June 14, 2012 at 9:08 am

You'd almost think some people believed this country was founded on some sort of "religious tolerance" principle or something.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 9:25 am

You'd only think that if you were educated—no, indoctrinated–in the government schools.

Dashboard_Jesus June 19, 2012 at 12:45 am

we're talkin' Louisiana here, not the good 'ol USA…hell they don't even speak Ingles down there

johnnyzhivago June 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

I don't know about education, but the idea of a Middle Eastern/Moroccan-themed restaurant on Bourbon Street is sort of intriguing.

LesBontemps June 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

Iko, Iko Allahu Akhbar!

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

*sings*
Allahu akbar na na na, jacomo feenanay!

PubOption June 14, 2012 at 10:45 am

They would need to sell booze, of course.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:45 pm

"Turban on Bourbon", yay!

randcoolcatdaddy June 14, 2012 at 9:10 am

Well … the court cases by the ACLU and the Justice Department should be quite fun to watch in Louisiana over the next decade.

JackDempsey1 June 14, 2012 at 9:11 am

"private companies that replace teachers with Moses Explains Algebra on VHS."

I'm pretty sure that Moses only teaches the section on Roman numerals, and it's pretty confusing because of all the "shalt" and "shalt not" business. Plus, he's got a short fuse. It's not an atmosphere conducive to learing.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 9:12 am

And the bitch of it is, he can count only to ten!

ChernobylSoup June 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

And that Desert Nomadery class takes forever.

Steverino247 June 14, 2012 at 10:00 am

I thought Moses taught Economics? (Certainly not land navigation…)

PubOption June 14, 2012 at 10:46 am

Not any more, he invested with Bernie Madoff.

Dashboard_Jesus June 19, 2012 at 12:48 am

everyone knows that Jesus saves while Moses invests, and that kinda thing takes some fancy math learnin' (at least that's what Bernie Maddoff told me)

johnnyzhivago June 14, 2012 at 9:12 am

I'm surprised there's not a movement to SEND their kids to Islamic Schools as some sort of spies?

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2012 at 9:12 am

Moses Explains Algebra on VHS…
…which is a lot like Domino’s saying it’s changing the way it delivers pizza by locking up the store and telling everyone to buy a Hot Pocket from the Vatican

I felt my pockets get hot just reading this scintillating representation of allegory and irreverence. Hope you stick around, Wonkette Jr.? I have a whole lot of stuff to not get done at work today!

ChernobylSoup June 14, 2012 at 9:12 am

I am so getting a charter for a Jedi Training Academy in Louisiana.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

I'd send my kid, but I need him to help with the harvest. Little brat's always whining about going to Toshi Station to get power converters. Kids these days…

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

Educate younglings you must.

MosesInvests June 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

Come on over to the Dark Side, son! It'll be a hoot!

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm

^
Spoken in the voice and accent of Foghorn Leghorn.

doloras June 14, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Luke, I say, Luke, Ah'm yore pappy.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:08 pm

DO EEEET!

johnnyzhivago June 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

BTW, though I am no longer Catholic, I did attend Catholic schools and I don't remember one instance where other religions were put down the way these people put down Islam, etc…

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I attended Catholic schools, and I learned all kinds of horrible things about the Jews there.

arihaya June 14, 2012 at 9:16 am

what is Piyush's opinion about Hindoo schools then ?

vtxmcrider June 18, 2012 at 2:08 am

He probably has investments in a private exorcism school.

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 9:17 am

“They’re not interested. The system works,” he said.

And thus the peek into the conservative mind: the system that we typically want less of works, provided we can game it.

IncenseDebate June 14, 2012 at 9:20 am

And if they don't get what they want, the system can be fixed with the Second Amendment.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

Well, look: it's Louisiana. When talking about Lousiana, there is no "the system" if it's not organized intimidation of minorities.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

"provided we can game it."

and often enough, they're so dumb and incompetent that they can't "win" even when they cheat.
It's like the guy in "The gang that couldn't shoot straight" whose car dealership couldn't make a profit, even though he stole the cars.

arihaya June 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

yes yes, but did these wingnuts succeded in removing those scary Arabic numerals and foreign sounding lessons like Algebra from Jeebus schools?

Stevola June 14, 2012 at 11:35 am

Algebra is now known as Number/Letter Cipherin"

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

I'm kinda disappointed that the Islamic School of Greater New Orleans backed off. It would have made things much more interesting if they hadn't.

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

Maybe they don't like their school burt to the ground?

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:40 am

I thought martyrdom was part of their creed?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 14, 2012 at 9:21 am

I was gettin' all clouded up and mad about this, then realized "You're an atheist, Chicken… it's a success if a religious group pulls its request to the state." Maybe the Baptists will pull their application because the Methodists or Pentecostals beat them to it.

And because they're morons, fuck the people who send their children to private Christian schools for protection against science, anyway. Also.

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2012 at 9:34 am

Christians are morons, yes, but they're apparently well connected with the floaty pen industry. I have seen some CLASSICS! In my own collection are: Baby Moses "floating" down the Nile in his basket; Jesus "floating" on water; and the loaf of bread being passed or "floated" down the length of the table where are seated the disciples during the Last Supper.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:39 am

I prefer the ones where the lady's bathing suit "floats away" when you turn it over.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:52 pm

"fuck the people who send their children to private Christian schools for protection against science, anyway."

And If only we lived in a just world, sending your kids to a particular school to avoid exposing them to knowledge would carry its own punishment.

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 9:25 am

I home school my kids through the Church of the SubGenius. Their slack and knowlage of Devo lyrics has improved immensely since I pulled them outta of public school.

ChernobylSoup June 14, 2012 at 9:32 am

Last week I heard my 5 year old say "ooh, that's my favorite Clash song" and I've been weeping tears of pride ever since.

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

Last year I took my 7 year old to the record store and gave him $20 to buy some CD's for a car trip to Chicago. He bought Tom Waitts, The Blues Explosion and The Cramps. The girl behind the counter looked at him and said "WOW! You have some really good taste in music." I shook my head and thought "yep, the most kick ass 1st grader in the school district".

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 9:54 am

P.S.

His brother kinda dropped the ball. He bought Tom Petty and Potus Head (not my first choices). He was going to buy a John Melloncamp but I forced him to buy a Man or Astroman CD. Now he loves surf rock.

eggsacklywright June 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

Sounds like a promising young feller. I lean towards "Charlie Don't Surf", but I'm only 65.

Steverino247 June 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

Granddaughter's (age 7) favorite song: Werewolves of London
Grandson (age 9) can name Pink Floyd tunes in about four notes.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 10:30 am

When Kid Zoom was but a wee tot, his preferred sing-along songs for bathtime were "Werewolves of London," "Old Time Rock n Roll," and "I Wanna Be Sedated."

That last one was largely a dad's wishful thinking.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

While these people probably don't believe in evolution, they certainly are on the fast track to devolution.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Here I always thought they were morons who compounded their basic stupidity by going through life wtih a Bible strapped over their faces — it only now occurs to me that they don't believe in evolution because they've never seen any evidence for it.

Nah, I'm giving them too much credit; they're assholes.

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:35 pm

So glad to see your avatar has returned from the dead.

freakishlywrong June 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

Et tu Missippi?

chascates June 14, 2012 at 9:28 am

So Louisiana taxpayers of the Islam faith won't have to pay to support these 'Christian' schools, will they?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

Muslims pay taxes? Don't they just know math and kill people?

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 9:28 am

How can such a shitty state have such a cool city like New Orleans?

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

I was going to say that there was some kind of physical constant at work where you have one blue oasis of sanity in every red sphinctroid state; i.e. Santa Fe-New Mexico, Flagstaff-Arizona, Austin-Texas, but then I ran out of examples.

chascates June 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

Ann Arbor-Michigan, Madison-Wisconsin?

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 10:29 am

Well, in my defense, I didn't know about Ann Arbor being that way, and up until the last couple of years I always thought of Wisconsin as being pretty blue.

MosesInvests June 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

Chapel Hill and Asheville, NC.

sezme June 20, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Vienna – Austria

e_z June 14, 2012 at 12:43 pm

and that would be why GWB let it drown….

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I thought it was the blah people was why.

ManchuCandidate June 14, 2012 at 9:29 am

I didn't realize that State's rights include the right to be stupid…

Although I should have known better.

OneYieldRegular June 14, 2012 at 9:33 am

Time to go down to the Voodoo Museum in New Orleans and buy some new pins for my dolls.

BaldarTFlagass June 14, 2012 at 9:36 am

I wonder if the good Baptist people of Louisiana know that their state is named for a Catholic monarch.

the_onceler June 14, 2012 at 9:39 am

Jambalaya and hummus.

Generation[redacted] June 14, 2012 at 11:36 am

Bubba ganoush.

mavenmaven June 14, 2012 at 9:41 am

"Moses teaching algebra" has been superseded, you don't need all those rules, axioms or proof anymore because Jesus. Just have 'faith' in the numbers Paul Ryan presents and pay your tithes.

Ruhe June 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

You see, what you do is modify your immigration policy so that you get a cycle going where you import engineers and scientists from south-east Asia. Then they have kids and those kids must, by law, attend Christian schools where they are properly indoctrinated. They convert, then next generation they're brown but basically American. Meanwhile you import some more brown engineers for the next project. Q.E.D….whatever that means.

Terry June 14, 2012 at 9:46 am

Karl Rove let the city of New Orleans stay underwater without National Guard help just to avoid situations like this. Clear the city of minorities and ethnics and the God fearin' (Christian) decent people (Republicans) will be able to shape the State into the theocracy of their dreams. Seems like old Karl missed a few minorities and ethnics, doesn't it?

Guppy June 14, 2012 at 9:47 am

CAIR is one thing, but now you're pissing off Tom Cruise?

I need some popcorn for this.

mavenmaven June 14, 2012 at 9:51 am

Frankly, "Swamp Islam" sounds like a cool thing.
Perhaps it would sound something like this surprisingly awesome song by none other than Anvil!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9_jb-K_dR8

chascates June 14, 2012 at 9:51 am

This is bad news for Bobby Jindal's parents. Nikki Haley's too.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 9:51 am

I have filed paperwork for the "St Bertrand of the Sacred Teapot Academy". So crazy, it might just work.

Beetagger June 14, 2012 at 9:52 am

Louisiana is obviously where our next generation of Christian rocket scientists will be coming from.

eggsacklywright June 14, 2012 at 10:01 am

I lean towards the Church of Scritti Politti. It's got the Latin thing going, no?

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I thought that's where they pray like Aretha Franklin?

eggsacklywright June 15, 2012 at 7:25 am

Good one.

Baconzgood June 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

Unrelated to this post.

*Cring*

"Meeting that Baconz has to attend" with the top brass and the new Department Director Dale. This could be a pain in the ass.

Scavok01 June 14, 2012 at 10:09 am

Louisiana just conveniently forgot that the Mooslims gave us such high learning as math, the alphabet, and medicine. Why should we fund that junk when we can spend on our money on saurian themed creationist fantasies?

Slim_Pickins June 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

When Louisianians finally figure out that the voucher system will devastate high school football and other interscholastic sports, they are going to be really, really pissed.

chicken_thief June 14, 2012 at 10:39 am

Wha?! No farm system for LSU football? Repeal! Repeal!! Repeal!!!

PubOption June 14, 2012 at 10:53 am

One of the redneck states (Texas?) allows homeschooled kids to sign up with a high school football team.

Generation[redacted] June 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

You know, they may be able to send muslims running in fear for their lives, but if the Scientologists get wind of this money-making scheme, they won't roll over so easy.

chicken_thief June 14, 2012 at 10:41 am

I read that the Mormons were already strapping their dogs to the roofs of their cars and headed that way, too. Also.

LesBontemps June 14, 2012 at 10:25 am

Is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Day School fully funded?

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Just curious- are Pastafarian dreadlocks made of linguini or capelli d'angelo?

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It's been a matter of contention within the faithfull for several years now. There is a move to heal the breech by offering gluten free pasta as a compromise, but the semonola traditionalists refuse to give in.

ph7 June 14, 2012 at 10:28 am

Principal Buckwheat Zydeco has a nice ring to it.

grandinquisitor June 14, 2012 at 10:30 am

Jesus, these people. I am going to start building the fucking FEMA camps myself.

Ruhe June 14, 2012 at 10:34 am

Actually having the Church of Scientology get into the educating business is a very scary unintended consequence. Those guys are damn good at marketing and organizing…and they have their own navy.

DahBoner June 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Tom Cruise is their Air Force, also to….

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

It's been a lingering mystery to me why the city of New Orleans doesn't just secede from the rest of the state and tell Jindal to go fuck himself. I mean, it's not like the city contributes anything to the Louisiana economy anyway.

glamourdammerung June 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Louisiana sure likes to take their money while whining about how awful they are. Kind of like "red states" do with productive parts of the United States.

But yeah, the feds would never allow that to happen because it is the only thing stopping the rest of the state from becoming even more of a third world country than it currently is.

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2012 at 11:08 am

How long did it take these fuckers to realize that their religion isn't the only one in their state, and that even the bunch of rich old white men who wrote the Constitution knew about this potential consequence more than two hundred fucking years ago?! These are the same idiots who are always yelling "Read the Constitution," right? Okay, read it, but not like you read the Bible, where you're just looking for exceptions and outs for all your idiotic behavior. It's far less of a mystery if you just read it like it was written in plain English instead of having a secret subtext that only favors you.

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2012 at 11:28 am

This is so excellent but I hate to break the bad news to you — with your amount of logical examination and gift for cross-comparison and incisively revelatory acumen, there is no way in Hades-on-a-Posicle-Stick that you will ever be invited to become one of Chucky Kraut's learning aides.

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2012 at 11:44 am

Charles Krauthammer has AIDS?!

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

Careful what you write about him — or about any humanism-grounded beliefs — or he'll go accusing you of "humanitarianly interventin' " things again~

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Krauthammer opposed purely "humanitarian intervention" (with the exception of overt genocide). While he supported the 1991 Gulf War on the grounds of both humanitarianism and strategic necessity (preventing Saddam Hussein from gaining control of the Persian Gulf and its resources), he opposed American intervention in the Balkan wars on the grounds that America should not be committing the lives of its soldiers to purely humanitarian missions in which there is no American national interest at stake.

That graf speaks volumes about Krauthammer's ethical consistency — attacking Iraq to save the oil-rich Kuwaiti emirs was strategic and humanitarian, while saving Europe's ass from decades of chaos and refugee spillover and ethnic cleansing was just humanitarian. Notwithstanding of course that one invasion was started by a Republican and the other by a Democrat.

GeneralLerong June 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

Y'know, maybe it's time to open Louisiana exclusively to Somali immigration. Pay their airfare here. Hardworking people, plus they know their way around automatic weapons.

ttommyunger June 14, 2012 at 11:20 am

"Carter, R-Baton Rouge, said the Islamic school withdrew its request to participate in the voucher program. " ''They’re not interested. The system works,' he said." If, by system, he means waking up with a severed head in your bed, then yes.

Stevola June 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

Wouldn't want the kids being indoctrinated into some wacked-out desert religion, now, would we?

Ryy June 14, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I wanna voodoo school

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Well, the voodoo chiles need to get schooled somewhere…

finette_ June 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Pffft, they're allowed to hit you here in Louisiana too, silly! (Of all the really whacked-out shit in this state, the near-universal approval of adults hitting children is my major culture shock moment.)

To be fair, many Democrats in the Legislature (though certainly not all!) were against the voucher program from the start, partly because of that pesky "state-sponsored religion" thing. So Rep. Jones' comment may be of the "Duh, y'all should have seen this coming" variety, but I'm too lazy to go check right now.

But here, read a little about the "approval process" for the program: http://theadvocate.com/columnists/2987597-55/loui

real_dc_native June 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm

In Texas they were allowed to SHOOT you until today. Or I had that backwards, in Texas your were allowed to shoot the teachers until today.

glamourdammerung June 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Religion of Peace.

finette_ June 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Also, here's what they're doing to higher ed, from recently-fired LSU president John Lombardi: http://www.insidehighered.com/blogs/reality-check

Wonderthing June 14, 2012 at 12:42 pm

The only Hot Pocket at the Vatican is the one in the Pope's leisure suit.

poorgradstudent June 14, 2012 at 1:03 pm

According to the film "Skeleton Key" everyone in the Deep South should have at least a rudimentary knowledge of voodoo. How are they going to get that when the only funded religious schools are fundy and Christian, Louisiana?

owhatever June 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Then there were problems within the First Alligator Church of the Redeeming Lord and part of the congregation left to start their own Reformed Alligator Church of the Redeeming Lord, and is now suing to get half of the voucher money for their own school, the Oh So Christian Academy of the RACRL, instead of letting the rich Christian Academy of the FACRL take everything while God's true chosen people of RACRL are left with an all-white football team (The RACRL Isrealites) that can't win shit and no girl to enter the Miss Louisiana Pageant.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:04 pm

"Then there were problems within the First Alligator Church of the Redeeming Lord and part of the congregation left to start their own Reformed Alligator Church of the Redeeming Lord"

And a smaller group split off from that and formed the Independent Reformed Alligator Church of the Redeeming Lord.

eta: Hey, I figured out how to make italics! *proud*

grandinquisitor June 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Heck of a job, Brownie!

homas123 June 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I think people may be misunderstanding Hot Pocket. The Vatican Hot Pocket is the place in their robes where they have choirboys put their hands.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I'm now imagining "Moses Explains Algebra", possibly as a Mel Brooks movie.

Also, how pissed-off would he be that it uses Arabic numerals?

homas123 June 14, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I wonder if Bobby Jindal would object to Hindu schools?

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I shall await with interest the budget for the new Rastafarian School.

Warwhatgoodfor June 14, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Don't worry, be happy, and every little thing is gonna be alright, and instead of $, we be gettin' some fine ganja.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 3:02 pm

As much as I enjoy a mean-spirited laugh at the expense of idiots like these when their bigotry backfires on them, as it so often seems to do…
I think the net effect of this will be to get them to write a law saying that everyone's tax money has to go to fund Protestant Christian schools, and because it's the South, it will actually pass.

scvirginia June 14, 2012 at 4:02 pm

So now I need to table my plans to open a Madrassa/Yeshiva in Natchitoches? Damnit- what do these guys have against freedoms… something, something, enterprise… something, something, mutter, mutter…?

extreme_left June 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

The Christians can't handle people who follow the teachings of that wack job Abraham.

owhatever June 14, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Yea and verily, the Lord God sayeth, whensoever x plus y equals z, then forsooth, the z also is the equal of x plus y.

TribecaMike June 14, 2012 at 11:40 pm

We're all Nazi's now? Sorry, crackers, but I just ain't buying it.

MittBorg June 15, 2012 at 12:09 am

I'm a lot older than you and went to school in a different country. From the nuns, we heard, "the Jews killed Jesus." From the priests, the other students, and the kids in the various church organizations, we got detail. The Catholic Church in America is relatively tame by comparison. Our nuns gave us our discipline with softball bats across the backside.

jzgplj June 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

I really fucking hate religion. It's all evil.

GSanders June 15, 2012 at 2:42 pm

At what point did "freedom of religion" become "freedom to be any kind of Christian you want, but no one else is welcome"? sheesh.

thetimchannel June 16, 2012 at 4:39 am

The Scientologists won't roll over so easily and I can assure you they will be trying to milk that government teat as quickly as possible. No mention at all of the Mormons? Enjoy.

102415 July 31, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Exactly. Money, it's just waiting there for them to collect.

askegg June 30, 2012 at 5:03 am

I hope the ACLU step in on behalf of the Muslims and sue.

Steverino247 June 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

I'm the Gauleiter of adverbs…

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

Spell check Nazi's what?

Seriously, as much as I am willing to be so, no one is looking to proofread all the posts. But come on, man, you don't pass up comedy gold on the Wonk!

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Spell check Nazi's?

Not at all, sport. Saw an opportunity, nothing more.

LesBontemps June 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

Ooh, ooh! I know! Hitler.

Or is it "All of 'em, Katie"?

eggsacklywright June 14, 2012 at 10:51 am

I'm the garden weasel of elipses.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

I, for one, was expecting a link to a clip from A Night At the Opera

CapnRadio June 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm

In the regime of the Grammar Nazis, you are our Weedlord Bonerhitler.

Doktor Zoom June 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

I'm the Stützpunktleiter of commas.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

You go to wonket with the punk rock song you have, not the Marx Brothers movie you may want or wish to have at a later time.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I am the Fahrvergnügen of case and tense agreement.

not that Radio June 14, 2012 at 1:59 pm

[swoons]

I'm speechless. I'd like to thank the Academy, and of course my agent.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Hey! As the soon-to-be-officially-announced Weedlord Bonerhitler fer reals and stuff … oh, wait, it's my mentor and deityparent, notThatDeweyRadio.

Carry on, then.

tessiee June 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Why don't you all have some schnitzengrueben and, like, mellow out?

MittBorg June 15, 2012 at 12:14 am

Well, in THAT case — here's a little accompaniment.

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