nice work all around

Campaign Manager of the Year Outs Boss’s Gay Son

Mother of the yearColorado state Rep. Marsha Looper’s campaign manager, Lana Fore-Warkocz, was so excited about her boss voting against civil unions that she simply had to get on the email machine and spread the word to supporters! Marsha Looper is not only a hero for stickin’ it to the gays, see, but she’s an extra-double hero because she has a gay child herself, and still had the courage to vote for her child’s continuing unhappiness. We need more brave souls like Marsha Looper out there, fighting the good fight against their children. On the other hand, oops, because Marsha Looper’s son sort of wanted to keep that whole gay thing a secret?

There are a lot of campaign managers out there, so it’s no small thing for Lana Fore-Warkocz to become Campaign Manager of the Year. But outing your boss’ gay son against her wishes in an email forward chain letter is a remarkable achievement:

State Rep. Marsha Looper’s campaign manager forwarded an e-mail to supporters that praised the lawmaker for voting against civil unions even though she has a gay son.

It’s no secret at the state Capitol that Looper is one of at least four House Republicans with a gay child, but an unwritten courtesy has been to let the lawmaker be the one to publicly reveal that information.

Looper said she has been asked by some voters about her son’s sexuality and has answered honestly, but never meant for it to become so public.

“I’m very, very disappointed,” Looper said, of the e-mail making its way among El Paso County voters. “These are are very intimate issues. I love my son. I always will. He has said, ‘Mom, I want my privacy.”

The forwarded email said, “God is truly to be praised for Marsha Looper because she also has a homosexual son.” Clap clap, psychopaths.

[Denver Post]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wow, hated by mom AND outted by her idiot staffer?

    This guy is just full of win!

    • YasserArraFeck

      "Run along to school, Son"

      "Thanks Mom"

    • NYNYNYjr

      That's not fair, she said she loves him in her statement. Voting against civil unions is not hating gay people.

  • Barb

    That's toothpaste that's not going back into the tube.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      A little Asstro-glide might help

    • OneYieldRegular

      Like that's going to stop them from trying.

  • tbogg

    If you can't make your children's lives miserable, then why have them?

    • nounverb911

      Have you met my mother?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Isn't it a comfort to find out she's like every other mother?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Not *every.* Some people seem to have very nice mothers.

          • justkillmenow

            You don't know them very well.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Precisely. There isn't a parent alive that has destroyed at least one child. Maybe, MAYBE, if one really nice set of parents limited themselves to just one kid and were really really careful, MAYBE that kid will only need a couple of thousand hours of therapy. Otherwise, you may as well reserve the rubber room now

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            So … how many kids did you say you had?

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Only one.

            That I know of.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            More precisely, there isn't a human alive in the United States who hasn't been a big, whiny titty-baby about how his/her longsuffering parents — usually Mom, always the more evil of the two — has completely fucked up their lives.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            OK. I like this better.

            I think my Mom was Satan incarnate, but she actually did stuff like throw furniture and knives and, you know, inflict semi-permanent integumental damage. That kind of stuff is downright, what, disheartening?

            Being punished for being obnoxious and an asshole, however, doesn't rise to the level of abuse, and most of us are assholes to our parents because they're the only people in the world who have to put up with our shit. I think of parentally-inflicted suffering being something more like the neighbour whacking her kid on the skull with a plank that had a rusty nail in it. Or the drunk down the street beating his son unconscious.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Oh, you know what I mean, MittBorg, I was just tweaking the folks who really haven't had it that bad for making universal statements about bad parenting.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            No, Chet, I totally agree with you. Is that bad? I think most folks haven't had it bad and shouldn't whine.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Chet, I'm not discounting the fact that there are kids out there who have had it easy who whine.

            But let me put this case: I know a woman who called the cops when she was a kid and claimed she was being held hostage by her parents who sexually abused her.

            Kid had it all: money, a gorgeous house, private school education. She was smart, beautiful, sexy, and her parents spoiled the crap out of her

            And sexually abused her. Repeatedly.

            Neither you nor I know the full story behind anyone's upbringing and I will bet the ranch that some of the kids you claim are whining are not. I'd even wager most aren't.

            They're just not talking about what's really wrong.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Was I just not presenting as paranoid enough? I mean, I hate to openly reveal my true colours here, but I've ALWAYS believed that it's all a giant conspiracy anyway, and these parental-unit thingumabobs are designed to inflict maximum suffering on innocent human life and … oh, fuck it, I'm just going to sit in the corner here and do some drogas.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I thought making your children miserable is the point.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      My mother (spawn of Belial) died several years ago. I tell people she is surely in heaven, because Satan would never put up with that much competition.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You and I. We need to talk.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Your mom held a kitchen knife to your throat, too?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Threw a chopper at my head. Missed, fortunately, but only by the slightest of margins. So glad to still have that ear.

      • Negropolis

        Bwahahaha!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Since when does America take instructions from the gayz? Privacy, please!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Four War Cocks?

  • Baconzgood

    If she has a gehy son doesn't that make her ghey? And if so isn't she married? So she is gehy married.

    • qwerty42

      Yeah, wasn't that the idea behind the concentration camps that NC pastor wanted to put teh gehz in? — Once they were all locked up, you would not have anymore gay children born.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    That's one way to out yourself as an asshole.

    • Giveusabob

      Upon reflection, it would actually be a great community service if they held their own Asshole Pride event yearly. It would help tell others when to go out of town. and maybe even assist sanitation and sewer workers in selecting ideal times for strikes.

      • Giveusabob

        Ah never mind. Their events schedule is already posted here: http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?it=EV

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Can we show up with hideously-colored "GOD HATES ASSHOLES" signs?

  • Come here a minute

    "I love my son but if somebody wants to bully, beat, kill, or discriminate against him because he is an abomination to the Lord, who am I as a state legislator to stand in their way?"

    • anniegetyerfun

      Praise be!

    • ph7

      Blood is not thicker than ballots.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        We'll have to spill a little and see.

    • Ruhe

      Possibly she doesn't buy the whole gay/straight distinction but rather subscribes to the Roy Cohn theory: There are men who are manly men and in their manly, american manliness express their manliness by fucking men; then there are faggots. "My son is not a faggot. He's a man who fucks men."

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Or as Crazy Larry (Jason Flemyng) said in that neglected classic Layer Cake, "Fucking females is for poofs."

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Um … wut … does not compute …

          Does Crazy Larry know what poofs are?

          No, wait, does Crazy Larry know what FEMALES are?

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I think the character's philosophy was that any guy can fuck a gal, especially one that's willing. But it takes a real man to fuck another guy, especially an unwilling one.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            The movie's on my Netflix queue. Maybe I should move it up.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I heartily recommend you do so. It's British, so you might want the subtitles…

          • Doktor Zoom

            Nelson kissed a GIRL!

            That's so gay!

      • ph7

        "Look at that fag sucking my cock!"

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg
          • emmelemm

            Never gets old.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I reread it whenever another Repuglycan't gets busted for buggery.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          That's very much the attitude in lots of macho cultures. It's OK to fuck a guy, it doesn't make you gay, it just means you're a MAN. But *getting* fucked? That's for faggots, and we hate faggots and want to kill them all. The same guys who will stone or beat up a man for being *suspected* of possibly being gay will then go home to their boyfriends whom they are housing down the street from their wife and children.

    • NYNYNYjr

      I mean, I hate to be the devil's advocate, but I repeat as above: that's not really fair to this woman; it wasn't a gay rights/discrimination/hate crimes bill. It was about civil unions. I'm sure she doesn't think her son is an abomination.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I don't understand your argument. Are you saying that she thinks her son should never be able to love and marry whoever his heart inclines him to?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    Rep. Loopers' haircut screams "Subaru Outback owner." Just sayin'…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It probly screams "Need a haircut!" to RMONEY.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Wouldn't it involve forced gluing-on of a wig, in that case?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Lezbaru?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      That's interesting — I owned an Outback for 13 years, and I sure do enjoy cunnilingus!

      • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

        A proud WRX owner here. My parents also own an Outback (and no, I don't have two mommies).

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Well, Subaru's agency has been running a "Love" campaign for 3 years, but they haven't yet had the guts to lick the–I mean, push the envelope.
      http://carmichaellynch.com/campaign/love.-its-wha

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Hai ya! Sei le!

    • Franknflower

      I thoguht that was the son.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Used to own Volvos, until they lost the tank look.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Colorado's latest entry in the Great Amercian Race To The Bottom spurs it into a slight advantage over Utah for sixth place.

    Come on, Mormons! You have it in you!

    • scvirginia

      Yeah, but they're so far behind the Arizonuts, why bother, really?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        There's prize money to be doled out, plus Miss Congeniality and if the winner can't serve out her term….

        • scvirginia

          I thought Bobby Jindal was a shoo-in for Miss Congenitalia?

          (No I don't know what that means, either.)

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Don't care, I'm so stealing borrowing that with attribution.

          • scvirginia

            Honeychile, she's all yours!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Huh huh you said "behind."

        • scvirginia

          Yeah, but I also said 'congenitalia' so do they cancel each other out?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      What "it" might be, we don't wanna know.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    God would be truly praised if more members of Congress and state legislatures that vote for this type of legislation were outed in a cheap hotel room in a leather thong, tied up with a ball gag in their mouth, by a rent boy. And smoking meth.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Base pander LIBEL!1!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Oh no she didin!

  • coolhandnuke

    I've lost my trust in Marshas. At least Marsha Brady had the decency to never out her father.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      And…Ann B. Gheyvis.

      • coolhandnuke

        And….Sam the Buttsekzer.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Thanks, mom!

    (Poor kid!)

  • GhostBuggy

    Lana Fore-Warkocz…foreskin…war on cocks…hates gays…head dizzy from half-formed jokes…passing out…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Loopy Looper et al.:

    Using God as an excuse to defend your bigotry means that YR DOIN CHRISTIANITY RONG.

    Fuck you with an Ebola-encrusted razor blade, also, too.

    EQ

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I think a flesh eating dildo is in order, too.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Blood gotta be fresh. Please take note.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      well done all of you.

      i won't sleep much, but got some mighty fine insults to hurl.

  • prommie

    Well there's two giant bags of douche that deserve one another. Where do they stand on the giant fence and air-dropping in food and such?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    She gets sparkle points for sticking it to her son while simultaneously sticking it to her son.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Lord knows her son didn't give her fashion advice.

    • anniegetyerfun

      How gay can he really be?

      • scvirginia

        Maybe he's just returning the favor?

        "Mom you just can't have cotton/poly t-necks in too many colors!"

        • anniegetyerfun

          Ha!

          "Bottle blondes look amazing with too much eyeliner! Slap that stuff on, bitch! I mean… Mom."

  • Terry

    She's probably voted against her son's best interests many, many times.

    • scvirginia

      To be fair, she's probably voted against her own interests also- isn't that what Repugs do best?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Not if she's rich enough.

  • YasserArraFeck

    Fore-Warkocz – pronounced "Former Worker"

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    Nothing says "Mother of the Year" like voting to discriminate against your own children. The buck really stops the second you pop out of that vag with these guys, doesn't it?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Even if it's your own vag, apparently. Sheesh!

      Whole new dimension of Yo' Mama!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If she had been Anne Frank's mom, it would have been all "HEY! NAZIS! UP HERE IN THE ATTIC!"

  • SoBeach

    Looper said she has been asked by some voters about her son’s sexuality and has answered honestly…

    The only honest answer to a question like that would be "None of your fucking business, idiot."

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I believe her actual answer was "I have no son!"

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Oh but hey! Then she wouldn't be able to exploit her son for the purposes of proving how "principled" her stance is and how "moral" she is.

  • GhostBuggy

    Can we somehow mobilize the nation's gay men and women to just go stick it in/lick/whatever these dimwits, and give them the release they so desperately crave, so desperately try to fight down through idiotic laws?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I for one am not sucking or licking anything Republican.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Srsly. You think you can PAY the gay community enough money to fuck these fucking fuckers?

      SRSLY?

      • GhostBuggy

        Then our only hope is in sex replicants that can pass for human. Someone call Rutger Hauer.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'll donate my humble coin to help the cause.

  • niblick77

    "The forwarded email said, “God is truly to be praised for Marsha Looper because she also has a homosexual son.” – why would she think that when God is obviously punishing her by giving her a gay son! (snark alarm)

  • Baconzgood

    I forget does this qualify as an "OOPS" or a "D'oh"?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Derp, I think

      • Steverino247

        Or a Harumph?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Qualifies as a WTF? in my book. But then again, the Xtard mind is utterly alien to me.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Mom, I want my privacy. People realizing that I am related to you is going to be very bad for my mojo.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Poor guy may never get laid again.
      Hey! Because of that, maybe he'll turn hetero & Loopy will finally have the straight son she always wanted!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        If that's her strategy, I can tell her it don't work. Just because you're not fucking people of the same gender doesn't mean you one bit less gay.

  • ph7

    He has said, ‘Mom, I want my privacy.”

    Mom doesn't realize her son meant keeping his relation to her private.

  • el_donaldo

    Well I don't know if God should praise her for having her gay son or not. I think that's for her son's gay lovers to decide.

  • Schmannnity

    Will she miss her son behind an electric fence while his kind die off?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It's terrifying to realize that the people who are supposed to love you and care for you all your life would cheerfully sentence you to death in a flat minute for something you have no control over.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    God is truly to be praised for Marsha Looper

    Yeah. She represents Christianity the way "Girls Gone Wild" represents calypso music.

    • Negropolis

      WIN

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Bet she was real supportive of him when he got bullied in high school, too.

  • Goonemeritus

    Well I wish Rep. Marsha Looper’s son a happy life and as always I wish non-supportive parents a long a needy dotage.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Well said.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (Hugs Goonemeritus) You're a good human being.

  • Lucidamente1

    Lana Fore-Warkocz? Is that a stage name??

  • Buzz Feedback

    "I love my son. At home we call him Dred Scott."

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Because his boyfriend's name is Scott?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    WARNING: DO NOT SEARCH FOR A PHOTO OF MS. WARCOCKS!!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You just HAD to say that, din'tchu? I hold you responsible for every screaming, traumatized, eyeball-burned Wonketteer as a result of this. Starting with me. (runs off to look for pix)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Good lord. She's a nutbag of a heifer if there ever was, Blue. WHY DIN'TCHU WARN MEEEE?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        For fuck's sake:

        "I have met some amazing people in 2010, shamefully though…not nearly enough as it should have been. I have witnessed first-hand what power, money and greed will do to some people. Luckily for me, I don’t really know those people, but you can bet that I will continue to pray for them…"

        Gah! The self-righteous sanctimony!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Seems like every fifth semi-literate Fundie nutbag out there is trying to churn out a "newsletter" for the even-less-literate other four to attempt to read. Praise be to God, the cost of a ream of paper and an inkjet cart invariably catches up with them. I'm starting to think that HP and Canon should raise the price of their printer inks, as a public service.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I wanted to find a humorous picture of a "war cock". Quick report. I didn't find anything funny and now I have to gouge out my eyes.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Dood. Srsly. You gotta be careful around these heah InnerToobz.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      This is a War Cocks Blog, not a Mommy Blog!!

  • owhatever

    See how the liberalz put this story out there to hurt the kid and America? Oh, it was her own campaign manager? Praise the Lord.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It took the gay guy's mother to vote against him and her campaign manager to out him — that's so inefficient. Why, it only takes one GOProud member to be gay, out himself and vote against his own interests — all the impact with one-third the personnel — that's how Republicans are bringing the efficiency of private enterprise to your government.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    So it's extra-Godly to Hate Teh Ghey if you happen to have a loved one who's Ghey? How does that work, exactly? You get bonus god points for sticking it to the Ghey Rellies? Do you get extra bonus god points if you stomp their heads first?

    • anniegetyerfun

      No snark – I think that that is exactly how it works. The ability to care not about the happiness of your children if they deviate slightly from God's plan is what makes you a good Christian, in the conservatard playbook.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I was gonna just sit in the corner and do drugs, wasn't I? What an excellent idea.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Yes! If you had been raised God-fearing, you would know the story of how God commanded Abraham to bind up his son Isaac and place him on the altar to be sacrificed. When Abraham did so, God was satisfied that Honest Abe would go the whole nine yards, and sent an angel to stay Abe's hand and tell him, "now I know you fear God! As a reward, you can fuck that Canaanite boy over there in the bushes."
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binding_of_Isaac

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        God said to Abraham,
        "Kill me a son,"
        Abe say "God, you must be puttin me on,"
        God say "No"
        Abe say "Wut?"
        God say, "You kin do wut you want, Abe, but
        Next time you see me comin'
        You better run."
        Abe say, "Where you want this killin' done?"

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

          Yes, the Book Of Zimmerman, the sixth book in the Hexateuch!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            And a Great and Mighty Book it wuz.

            That "preacher's kid" background sure makes you cognizant of all the details of christianity, don't it?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Yes, some of it sunk in, even when I was sitting way back in the rear pews, hoping my Dad couldn't see me reading science fiction novels during his sermons.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I was just tickled to death by Hexateuch. And Book of Zimmerman.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What I don't get is while the Republican party is made up of self-hating blacks, women and gays (and mothers of gays), why are there no self-hating white males who vote against their and corporate interest? Why is that the only positive wing of the Republican party?

    • Ruhe

      Seriously…that is deep and I'm going to have to think about it for a while.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      We're all Democrats.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Oh, they do… they vote themselves out of jobs all the time, because the GOP douchebag who's gonna sell them up the river as soon as he's elected is all pro-gun, pro-God, and anti-gay. They're not really self-hating, just stupid.

  • Estproph

    Hey, if you can't beat your children how are you gonna learn them anything?

  • Ruhe

    …"an unwritten courtesy"… Is that like the "unwritten rules" in baseball? If so then the next time Lana shows up at Coors field she's getting plunked.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Let me guess: She wanted a little girl.

    • eggsacklywright

      But what if she turned out to be a thespian?

  • sullivanst

    Sorry Jay Townsend, we'll need that trophy back, you've been outdone.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      For what it's worth, that idiot has been forced to quit.

      • sullivanst

        Yeah, I know. I'm guessing it wasn't worth it, given the shortness of his reign of infamy.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Wait a minute, since when can women be state representatives?

  • Not_So_Much

    Will Looper be forced out of the party or just her (obviously defective) uterus for having a gay kid?

    • Ruhe

      Defective uterus? Say, was this Looper woman ever an astronaut?

  • mavenmaven

    With a mom like that anyone would be gay.

    • Buckminster

      I sure wouldn't blame her son for not wanting anything to do with women.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Given the peril to her continued employment, I declare her Internet Nickname to be Lana "Not Safe" Fore-Warkocz– or just NSFW for short

  • Jus_Wonderin

    This is probably the first actual instance of being gay by choice. Who wants to grow up and marry a bitch like good ole Mom?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Maybe he can make it a secret again. After the election, of course.

  • Eve8Apples

    And I bet Rep. Marsha Looper bitches to the neighbors, "I can't figure out why the boy doesn't want anything to do with women?"

  • ph7

    an unwritten courtesy has been to let the lawmaker be the one to publicly reveal that information.

    Yes, the press should offer the courtesy of allowing bigots to hide the fact that their own children are in the class subjected to their bigotry.

  • fartknocker

    This is so sad. Sorry, but I can't find any snark in this story.

  • mormos

    I think Lana Fore-Warkocz and Marsha Looper's son should date, since Lana Fore-Warkocz is clearly a huge cock.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Have you seen pitchers of her?

      Srsly. HUGE.

  • Ruhe

    I'm confused. A Bible reading Christian would never behave so hatefully toward someone in their own family then think that behavior is a sign of their faith. Oh wait. My mistake. Now I remember something in Luke that clarifies this:

    ""If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple."
    Luke 14:26

    The Bible is awesome!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      This is the problem with dumbing down translations. I'm fairly sure the original said something along the lines of "turn away from" as opposed to "hate."

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I looked it up…

        "This is the point of the passage. In order to be a disciple, we must be willing to give up everything for Jesus. "

        Seriously Bible and Bible translators…can you just say what you mean without all of the fucking gobblygook?

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          First, whose word are you taking for the point of the passage? And second, if a translator takes out the "fucking gobblygook," then he/she is no longer translating, but paraphrasing/interpreting.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Exactly. Some kinda god, he's just a tantrumy titty baby who wants to be first, is all. Thou shalt have no gods before me. Not even thine own parental units. Lest I smite thee where thou stand.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Jesus went on to say, "that's snark and hyperbole, you morons. Use the brains I gave you!"

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "Dingo's made my son gay!"

  • Ryy

    The best Nazis were the one with Jewish ancestors. As the best slave holders were the ones who had black kids too.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It all depends on how you define "best," doesn't it?

  • vulpes82

    I hope the son goes out and fucks a big, burly bear tonight, complete with sling and fisting and sounding, films it, and sends it out to mom and campaign manager.

  • ElPinche

    Let me break it down parenthetically:

    "These are are very intimate issues (Yes I'm ashamed of him). I love my son. I always will (that little faggot will stay in the closet until I'm done with politics). He has said, ‘Mom, I want my privacy.' (Mom, you're a bigot cunt)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I see you speak fluent Teabagger.

      • ElPinche

        It's a 3rd language. I went to high school in rural Texas.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          ID won't let me upfist this comment a bazillion times.

  • Pithaughn

    If you have ever smelled that district you'd understand. You have to have a strong belief that your earthly torments will get you a ticket to a sweet afterlife if you live or work any where near commercial feedlots. In fact, the smell reeks so bad that you should be sure to gas up before driving through so you don't risk having to stop at a gas station near one. Your car will never smell the same again. You may give up meat. Once you have had a few minutes exposure to a feed lot you will detect a faint odor in meat that will remind you of the terrible stench of a feedlot.
    Exec summay: feedlots smell really bad.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Wow…these fuckers really do eat their young, don't they.

    Me..them…hate…heat…thousand suns.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Sab Maya.

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    There is no honor among thieves, and even less among bigots.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Yo mama's so nakedly ambitious she throw you under the bus to make political points.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Damn, dude, you nailed it.

  • Sassomatic

    This is just like all those men who opposed emancipation, even though they had lots of black children. Brave heroes, they were.

  • TribecaMike

    My Dykedar is hitting 11.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I thought it was Weiner who forwarded his cock?

  • Barrelhse

    The fucking christians are just SO full of themselves.
    Being hateful and "religious" is no way to go through life, Asswipe.

  • spinozasgod

    apparently our favorite champaign manager had a rockin' tea party "news" paprer:

    "It's been just over a year since we welcomed our favorite truth-seeking-and-truth-finding publication The Constitutionalist Today with these words: "That’s why we thank God and Ronald Reagan (but I repeat myself) for TCT, southern Colorado's newest voice of reason." And boy, did that paper deliver. Not since the Gazette's Fresh Ink have we enjoyed such a thoughtful and informative voice of the people. This was a paper that was clear: Our president was born in Zimbabwe to a lion with tiger blood and a harem of porn stars, hookers and blow. But despite our monthly enjoyment, publisher Lana Fore-Warkocz has decided to pull the plug on TCT's existence. A note on her Facebook page delivers the news, and cites a veritable who's-who of freedom rags."

  • badgitator

    Stupid kid – try saying something a little more noble, something like, "Mom, I want equal rights".

  • ttommyunger

    "Will you ignorant motherfuckers PLEEEEEZE leave me out of your bullshit rants?"- God.