NICE WORK ALL AROUND  2:50 pm June 12, 2012

Campaign Manager of the Year Outs Boss’s Gay Son

by Jim Newell

Mother of the yearColorado state Rep. Marsha Looper’s campaign manager, Lana Fore-Warkocz, was so excited about her boss voting against civil unions that she simply had to get on the email machine and spread the word to supporters! Marsha Looper is not only a hero for stickin’ it to the gays, see, but she’s an extra-double hero because she has a gay child herself, and still had the courage to vote for her child’s continuing unhappiness. We need more brave souls like Marsha Looper out there, fighting the good fight against their children. On the other hand, oops, because Marsha Looper’s son sort of wanted to keep that whole gay thing a secret?

There are a lot of campaign managers out there, so it’s no small thing for Lana Fore-Warkocz to become Campaign Manager of the Year. But outing your boss’ gay son against her wishes in an email forward chain letter is a remarkable achievement:

State Rep. Marsha Looper’s campaign manager forwarded an e-mail to supporters that praised the lawmaker for voting against civil unions even though she has a gay son.

It’s no secret at the state Capitol that Looper is one of at least four House Republicans with a gay child, but an unwritten courtesy has been to let the lawmaker be the one to publicly reveal that information.

Looper said she has been asked by some voters about her son’s sexuality and has answered honestly, but never meant for it to become so public.

“I’m very, very disappointed,” Looper said, of the e-mail making its way among El Paso County voters. “These are are very intimate issues. I love my son. I always will. He has said, ‘Mom, I want my privacy.”

The forwarded email said, “God is truly to be praised for Marsha Looper because she also has a homosexual son.” Clap clap, psychopaths.

[Denver Post]

 
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{ 195 comments }

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Wow, hated by mom AND outted by her idiot staffer?

This guy is just full of win!

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm

"Run along to school, Son"

"Thanks Mom"

NYNYNYjr June 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm

That's not fair, she said she loves him in her statement. Voting against civil unions is not hating gay people.

Barb June 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

That's toothpaste that's not going back into the tube.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

A little Asstro-glide might help

OneYieldRegular June 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Like that's going to stop them from trying.

tbogg June 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

If you can't make your children's lives miserable, then why have them?

nounverb911 June 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Have you met my mother?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Isn't it a comfort to find out she's like every other mother?

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Not *every.* Some people seem to have very nice mothers.

justkillmenow June 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

You don't know them very well.

imissopus June 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I thought making your children miserable is the point.

Warwhatgoodfor June 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm

My mother (spawn of Belial) died several years ago. I tell people she is surely in heaven, because Satan would never put up with that much competition.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 1:39 am

You and I. We need to talk.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 9:51 am

Your mom held a kitchen knife to your throat, too?

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Threw a chopper at my head. Missed, fortunately, but only by the slightest of margins. So glad to still have that ear.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 3:16 am

Bwahahaha!

Maman June 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Since when does America take instructions from the gayz? Privacy, please!

Blueb4sunrise June 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Four War Cocks?

Baconzgood June 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

If she has a gehy son doesn't that make her ghey? And if so isn't she married? So she is gehy married.

qwerty42 June 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Yeah, wasn't that the idea behind the concentration camps that NC pastor wanted to put teh gehz in? — Once they were all locked up, you would not have anymore gay children born.

Mittens Howell, III June 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

That's one way to out yourself as an asshole.

Giveusabob June 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Upon reflection, it would actually be a great community service if they held their own Asshole Pride event yearly. It would help tell others when to go out of town. and maybe even assist sanitation and sewer workers in selecting ideal times for strikes.

Giveusabob June 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Ah never mind. Their events schedule is already posted here: http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?it=EV

Biel_ze_Bubba June 12, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Can we show up with hideously-colored "GOD HATES ASSHOLES" signs?

Come here a minute June 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

"I love my son but if somebody wants to bully, beat, kill, or discriminate against him because he is an abomination to the Lord, who am I as a state legislator to stand in their way?"

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Praise be!

ph7 June 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Blood is not thicker than ballots.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

We'll have to spill a little and see.

Ruhe June 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Possibly she doesn't buy the whole gay/straight distinction but rather subscribes to the Roy Cohn theory: There are men who are manly men and in their manly, american manliness express their manliness by fucking men; then there are faggots. "My son is not a faggot. He's a man who fucks men."

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Or as Crazy Larry (Jason Flemyng) said in that neglected classic Layer Cake, "Fucking females is for poofs."

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Um … wut … does not compute …

Does Crazy Larry know what poofs are?

No, wait, does Crazy Larry know what FEMALES are?

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I think the character's philosophy was that any guy can fuck a gal, especially one that's willing. But it takes a real man to fuck another guy, especially an unwilling one.

Doktor Zoom June 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Nelson kissed a GIRL!

That's so gay!

ph7 June 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"Look at that fag sucking my cock!"

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm
emmelemm June 12, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Never gets old.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

That's very much the attitude in lots of macho cultures. It's OK to fuck a guy, it doesn't make you gay, it just means you're a MAN. But *getting* fucked? That's for faggots, and we hate faggots and want to kill them all. The same guys who will stone or beat up a man for being *suspected* of possibly being gay will then go home to their boyfriends whom they are housing down the street from their wife and children.

NYNYNYjr June 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I mean, I hate to be the devil's advocate, but I repeat as above: that's not really fair to this woman; it wasn't a gay rights/discrimination/hate crimes bill. It was about civil unions. I'm sure she doesn't think her son is an abomination.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I don't understand your argument. Are you saying that she thinks her son should never be able to love and marry whoever his heart inclines him to?

Chill_Bill June 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Rep. Loopers' haircut screams "Subaru Outback owner." Just sayin'…

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

It probly screams "Need a haircut!" to RMONEY.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Wouldn't it involve forced gluing-on of a wig, in that case?

Dashboard Buddha June 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Lezbaru?

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

That's interesting — I owned an Outback for 13 years, and I sure do enjoy cunnilingus!

Chill_Bill June 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

A proud WRX owner here. My parents also own an Outback (and no, I don't have two mommies).

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Well, Subaru's agency has been running a "Love" campaign for 3 years, but they haven't yet had the guts to lick the–I mean, push the envelope.
http://carmichaellynch.com/campaign/love.-its-wha

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 1:45 am

Hai ya! Sei le!

Franknflower June 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I thoguht that was the son.

Warwhatgoodfor June 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Used to own Volvos, until they lost the tank look.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Colorado's latest entry in the Great Amercian Race To The Bottom spurs it into a slight advantage over Utah for sixth place.

Come on, Mormons! You have it in you!

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Yeah, but they're so far behind the Arizonuts, why bother, really?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

There's prize money to be doled out, plus Miss Congeniality and if the winner can't serve out her term….

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I thought Bobby Jindal was a shoo-in for Miss Congenitalia?

(No I don't know what that means, either.)

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Don't care, I'm so stealing borrowing that with attribution.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Huh huh you said "behind."

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Yeah, but I also said 'congenitalia' so do they cancel each other out?

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

What "it" might be, we don't wanna know.

randcoolcatdaddy June 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

God would be truly praised if more members of Congress and state legislatures that vote for this type of legislation were outed in a cheap hotel room in a leather thong, tied up with a ball gag in their mouth, by a rent boy. And smoking meth.

CrunchyKnee June 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Base pander LIBEL!1!

Jus_Wonderin June 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Oh no she didin!

coolhandnuke June 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I've lost my trust in Marshas. At least Marsha Brady had the decency to never out her father.

Jus_Wonderin June 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm

And…Ann B. Gheyvis.

coolhandnuke June 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

And….Sam the Buttsekzer.

DemmeFatale June 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Thanks, mom!

(Poor kid!)

GhostBuggy June 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Lana Fore-Warkocz…foreskin…war on cocks…hates gays…head dizzy from half-formed jokes…passing out…

elviouslyqueer June 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Dear Loopy Looper et al.:

Using God as an excuse to defend your bigotry means that YR DOIN CHRISTIANITY RONG.

Fuck you with an Ebola-encrusted razor blade, also, too.

EQ

Jus_Wonderin June 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I think a flesh eating dildo is in order, too.

Warwhatgoodfor June 12, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Blood gotta be fresh. Please take note.

fuflans June 12, 2012 at 11:47 pm

well done all of you.

i won't sleep much, but got some mighty fine insults to hurl.

prommie June 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Well there's two giant bags of douche that deserve one another. Where do they stand on the giant fence and air-dropping in food and such?

Mittens Howell, III June 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

She gets sparkle points for sticking it to her son while simultaneously sticking it to her son.

ChernobylSoup June 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Lord knows her son didn't give her fashion advice.

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

How gay can he really be?

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Maybe he's just returning the favor?

"Mom you just can't have cotton/poly t-necks in too many colors!"

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Ha!

"Bottle blondes look amazing with too much eyeliner! Slap that stuff on, bitch! I mean… Mom."

Terry June 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

She's probably voted against her son's best interests many, many times.

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 7:38 pm

To be fair, she's probably voted against her own interests also- isn't that what Repugs do best?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 12, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Not if she's rich enough.

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Fore-Warkocz – pronounced "Former Worker"

TanzbodenKoenig June 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Nothing says "Mother of the Year" like voting to discriminate against your own children. The buck really stops the second you pop out of that vag with these guys, doesn't it?

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Even if it's your own vag, apparently. Sheesh!

Whole new dimension of Yo' Mama!

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

If she had been Anne Frank's mom, it would have been all "HEY! NAZIS! UP HERE IN THE ATTIC!"

SoBeach June 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Looper said she has been asked by some voters about her son’s sexuality and has answered honestly…

The only honest answer to a question like that would be "None of your fucking business, idiot."

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I believe her actual answer was "I have no son!"

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Oh but hey! Then she wouldn't be able to exploit her son for the purposes of proving how "principled" her stance is and how "moral" she is.

GhostBuggy June 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Can we somehow mobilize the nation's gay men and women to just go stick it in/lick/whatever these dimwits, and give them the release they so desperately crave, so desperately try to fight down through idiotic laws?

starfanglednut June 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I for one am not sucking or licking anything Republican.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Srsly. You think you can PAY the gay community enough money to fuck these fucking fuckers?

SRSLY?

GhostBuggy June 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Then our only hope is in sex replicants that can pass for human. Someone call Rutger Hauer.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I'll donate my humble coin to help the cause.

niblick77 June 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

"The forwarded email said, “God is truly to be praised for Marsha Looper because she also has a homosexual son.” – why would she think that when God is obviously punishing her by giving her a gay son! (snark alarm)

Baconzgood June 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I forget does this qualify as an "OOPS" or a "D'oh"?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Derp, I think

Steverino247 June 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Or a Harumph?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Qualifies as a WTF? in my book. But then again, the Xtard mind is utterly alien to me.

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Mom, I want my privacy. People realizing that I am related to you is going to be very bad for my mojo.

Butch_Wagstaff June 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Poor guy may never get laid again.
Hey! Because of that, maybe he'll turn hetero & Loopy will finally have the straight son she always wanted!

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

If that's her strategy, I can tell her it don't work. Just because you're not fucking people of the same gender doesn't mean you one bit less gay.

ph7 June 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

He has said, ‘Mom, I want my privacy.”

Mom doesn't realize her son meant keeping his relation to her private.

el_donaldo June 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Well I don't know if God should praise her for having her gay son or not. I think that's for her son's gay lovers to decide.

Schmannnity June 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Will she miss her son behind an electric fence while his kind die off?

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:33 pm

It's terrifying to realize that the people who are supposed to love you and care for you all your life would cheerfully sentence you to death in a flat minute for something you have no control over.

Joshua Norton June 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

God is truly to be praised for Marsha Looper

Yeah. She represents Christianity the way "Girls Gone Wild" represents calypso music.

Negropolis June 13, 2012 at 3:22 am

WIN

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Bet she was real supportive of him when he got bullied in high school, too.

Goonemeritus June 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Well I wish Rep. Marsha Looper’s son a happy life and as always I wish non-supportive parents a long a needy dotage.

starfanglednut June 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Well said.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

(Hugs Goonemeritus) You're a good human being.

Lucidamente1 June 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Lana Fore-Warkocz? Is that a stage name??

Buzz Feedback June 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

"I love my son. At home we call him Dred Scott."

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Because his boyfriend's name is Scott?

Blueb4sunrise June 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

WARNING: DO NOT SEARCH FOR A PHOTO OF MS. WARCOCKS!!

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You just HAD to say that, din'tchu? I hold you responsible for every screaming, traumatized, eyeball-burned Wonketteer as a result of this. Starting with me. (runs off to look for pix)

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Good lord. She's a nutbag of a heifer if there ever was, Blue. WHY DIN'TCHU WARN MEEEE?

Butch_Wagstaff June 12, 2012 at 5:16 pm

For fuck's sake:

"I have met some amazing people in 2010, shamefully though…not nearly enough as it should have been. I have witnessed first-hand what power, money and greed will do to some people. Luckily for me, I don’t really know those people, but you can bet that I will continue to pray for them…"

Gah! The self-righteous sanctimony!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Seems like every fifth semi-literate Fundie nutbag out there is trying to churn out a "newsletter" for the even-less-literate other four to attempt to read. Praise be to God, the cost of a ream of paper and an inkjet cart invariably catches up with them. I'm starting to think that HP and Canon should raise the price of their printer inks, as a public service.

Dashboard Buddha June 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I wanted to find a humorous picture of a "war cock". Quick report. I didn't find anything funny and now I have to gouge out my eyes.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Dood. Srsly. You gotta be careful around these heah InnerToobz.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

This is a War Cocks Blog, not a Mommy Blog!!

owhatever June 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

See how the liberalz put this story out there to hurt the kid and America? Oh, it was her own campaign manager? Praise the Lord.

SayItWithWookies June 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It took the gay guy's mother to vote against him and her campaign manager to out him — that's so inefficient. Why, it only takes one GOProud member to be gay, out himself and vote against his own interests — all the impact with one-third the personnel — that's how Republicans are bringing the efficiency of private enterprise to your government.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

So it's extra-Godly to Hate Teh Ghey if you happen to have a loved one who's Ghey? How does that work, exactly? You get bonus god points for sticking it to the Ghey Rellies? Do you get extra bonus god points if you stomp their heads first?

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

No snark – I think that that is exactly how it works. The ability to care not about the happiness of your children if they deviate slightly from God's plan is what makes you a good Christian, in the conservatard playbook.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I was gonna just sit in the corner and do drugs, wasn't I? What an excellent idea.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Yes! If you had been raised God-fearing, you would know the story of how God commanded Abraham to bind up his son Isaac and place him on the altar to be sacrificed. When Abraham did so, God was satisfied that Honest Abe would go the whole nine yards, and sent an angel to stay Abe's hand and tell him, "now I know you fear God! As a reward, you can fuck that Canaanite boy over there in the bushes."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binding_of_Isaac

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

God said to Abraham,
"Kill me a son,"
Abe say "God, you must be puttin me on,"
God say "No"
Abe say "Wut?"
God say, "You kin do wut you want, Abe, but
Next time you see me comin'
You better run."
Abe say, "Where you want this killin' done?"

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

Yes, the Book Of Zimmerman, the sixth book in the Hexateuch!

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

And a Great and Mighty Book it wuz.

That "preacher's kid" background sure makes you cognizant of all the details of christianity, don't it?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

What I don't get is while the Republican party is made up of self-hating blacks, women and gays (and mothers of gays), why are there no self-hating white males who vote against their and corporate interest? Why is that the only positive wing of the Republican party?

Ruhe June 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Seriously…that is deep and I'm going to have to think about it for a while.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

We're all Democrats.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Oh, they do… they vote themselves out of jobs all the time, because the GOP douchebag who's gonna sell them up the river as soon as he's elected is all pro-gun, pro-God, and anti-gay. They're not really self-hating, just stupid.

Estproph June 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Hey, if you can't beat your children how are you gonna learn them anything?

Ruhe June 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

…"an unwritten courtesy"… Is that like the "unwritten rules" in baseball? If so then the next time Lana shows up at Coors field she's getting plunked.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Let me guess: She wanted a little girl.

eggsacklywright June 13, 2012 at 8:48 am

But what if she turned out to be a thespian?

sullivanst June 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Sorry Jay Townsend, we'll need that trophy back, you've been outdone.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

For what it's worth, that idiot has been forced to quit.

sullivanst June 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

Yeah, I know. I'm guessing it wasn't worth it, given the shortness of his reign of infamy.

Sharkey June 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Wait a minute, since when can women be state representatives?

Not_So_Much June 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Will Looper be forced out of the party or just her (obviously defective) uterus for having a gay kid?

Ruhe June 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Defective uterus? Say, was this Looper woman ever an astronaut?

mavenmaven June 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm

With a mom like that anyone would be gay.

Buckminster June 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I sure wouldn't blame her son for not wanting anything to do with women.

Doktor Zoom June 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Given the peril to her continued employment, I declare her Internet Nickname to be Lana "Not Safe" Fore-Warkocz– or just NSFW for short

Jus_Wonderin June 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

This is probably the first actual instance of being gay by choice. Who wants to grow up and marry a bitch like good ole Mom?

Tundra Grifter June 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Maybe he can make it a secret again. After the election, of course.

Eve8Apples June 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

And I bet Rep. Marsha Looper bitches to the neighbors, "I can't figure out why the boy doesn't want anything to do with women?"

ph7 June 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm

an unwritten courtesy has been to let the lawmaker be the one to publicly reveal that information.

Yes, the press should offer the courtesy of allowing bigots to hide the fact that their own children are in the class subjected to their bigotry.

fartknocker June 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

This is so sad. Sorry, but I can't find any snark in this story.

mormos June 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I think Lana Fore-Warkocz and Marsha Looper's son should date, since Lana Fore-Warkocz is clearly a huge cock.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Have you seen pitchers of her?

Srsly. HUGE.

Ruhe June 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I'm confused. A Bible reading Christian would never behave so hatefully toward someone in their own family then think that behavior is a sign of their faith. Oh wait. My mistake. Now I remember something in Luke that clarifies this:

""If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:26

The Bible is awesome!

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm

This is the problem with dumbing down translations. I'm fairly sure the original said something along the lines of "turn away from" as opposed to "hate."

Dashboard Buddha June 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I looked it up…

"This is the point of the passage. In order to be a disciple, we must be willing to give up everything for Jesus. "

Seriously Bible and Bible translators…can you just say what you mean without all of the fucking gobblygook?

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

First, whose word are you taking for the point of the passage? And second, if a translator takes out the "fucking gobblygook," then he/she is no longer translating, but paraphrasing/interpreting.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Exactly. Some kinda god, he's just a tantrumy titty baby who wants to be first, is all. Thou shalt have no gods before me. Not even thine own parental units. Lest I smite thee where thou stand.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Jesus went on to say, "that's snark and hyperbole, you morons. Use the brains I gave you!"

Jus_Wonderin June 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"Dingo's made my son gay!"

Ryy June 12, 2012 at 3:33 pm

The best Nazis were the one with Jewish ancestors. As the best slave holders were the ones who had black kids too.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm

It all depends on how you define "best," doesn't it?

vulpes82 June 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I hope the son goes out and fucks a big, burly bear tonight, complete with sling and fisting and sounding, films it, and sends it out to mom and campaign manager.

ElPinche June 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Let me break it down parenthetically:

"These are are very intimate issues (Yes I'm ashamed of him). I love my son. I always will (that little faggot will stay in the closet until I'm done with politics). He has said, ‘Mom, I want my privacy.' (Mom, you're a bigot cunt)

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I see you speak fluent Teabagger.

ElPinche June 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

It's a 3rd language. I went to high school in rural Texas.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

ID won't let me upfist this comment a bazillion times.

Pithaughn June 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

If you have ever smelled that district you'd understand. You have to have a strong belief that your earthly torments will get you a ticket to a sweet afterlife if you live or work any where near commercial feedlots. In fact, the smell reeks so bad that you should be sure to gas up before driving through so you don't risk having to stop at a gas station near one. Your car will never smell the same again. You may give up meat. Once you have had a few minutes exposure to a feed lot you will detect a faint odor in meat that will remind you of the terrible stench of a feedlot.
Exec summay: feedlots smell really bad.

Dashboard Buddha June 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Wow…these fuckers really do eat their young, don't they.

Me..them…hate…heat…thousand suns.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Sab Maya.

seppdecker June 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

There is no honor among thieves, and even less among bigots.

Dashboard Buddha June 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Yo mama's so nakedly ambitious she throw you under the bus to make political points.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Damn, dude, you nailed it.

Sassomatic June 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

This is just like all those men who opposed emancipation, even though they had lots of black children. Brave heroes, they were.

TribecaMike June 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm

My Dykedar is hitting 11.

mrblifil June 12, 2012 at 7:17 pm

I thought it was Weiner who forwarded his cock?

Barrelhse June 12, 2012 at 10:43 pm

The fucking christians are just SO full of themselves.
Being hateful and "religious" is no way to go through life, Asswipe.

spinozasgod June 12, 2012 at 10:58 pm

apparently our favorite champaign manager had a rockin' tea party "news" paprer:

"It's been just over a year since we welcomed our favorite truth-seeking-and-truth-finding publication The Constitutionalist Today with these words: "That’s why we thank God and Ronald Reagan (but I repeat myself) for TCT, southern Colorado's newest voice of reason." And boy, did that paper deliver. Not since the Gazette's Fresh Ink have we enjoyed such a thoughtful and informative voice of the people. This was a paper that was clear: Our president was born in Zimbabwe to a lion with tiger blood and a harem of porn stars, hookers and blow. But despite our monthly enjoyment, publisher Lana Fore-Warkocz has decided to pull the plug on TCT's existence. A note on her Facebook page delivers the news, and cites a veritable who's-who of freedom rags."

badgitator June 13, 2012 at 12:20 am

Stupid kid – try saying something a little more noble, something like, "Mom, I want equal rights".

ttommyunger June 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

"Will you ignorant motherfuckers PLEEEEEZE leave me out of your bullshit rants?"- God.

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Honeychile, she's all yours!

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Precisely. There isn't a parent alive that has destroyed at least one child. Maybe, MAYBE, if one really nice set of parents limited themselves to just one kid and were really really careful, MAYBE that kid will only need a couple of thousand hours of therapy. Otherwise, you may as well reserve the rubber room now

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Was I just not presenting as paranoid enough? I mean, I hate to openly reveal my true colours here, but I've ALWAYS believed that it's all a giant conspiracy anyway, and these parental-unit thingumabobs are designed to inflict maximum suffering on innocent human life and … oh, fuck it, I'm just going to sit in the corner here and do some drogas.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

So … how many kids did you say you had?

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

More precisely, there isn't a human alive in the United States who hasn't been a big, whiny titty-baby about how his/her longsuffering parents — usually Mom, always the more evil of the two — has completely fucked up their lives.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Only one.

That I know of.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The movie's on my Netflix queue. Maybe I should move it up.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I heartily recommend you do so. It's British, so you might want the subtitles…

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

OK. I like this better.

I think my Mom was Satan incarnate, but she actually did stuff like throw furniture and knives and, you know, inflict semi-permanent integumental damage. That kind of stuff is downright, what, disheartening?

Being punished for being obnoxious and an asshole, however, doesn't rise to the level of abuse, and most of us are assholes to our parents because they're the only people in the world who have to put up with our shit. I think of parentally-inflicted suffering being something more like the neighbour whacking her kid on the skull with a plank that had a rusty nail in it. Or the drunk down the street beating his son unconscious.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Oh, you know what I mean, MittBorg, I was just tweaking the folks who really haven't had it that bad for making universal statements about bad parenting.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 1:37 am

No, Chet, I totally agree with you. Is that bad? I think most folks haven't had it bad and shouldn't whine.

actor212 June 13, 2012 at 9:50 am

Chet, I'm not discounting the fact that there are kids out there who have had it easy who whine.

But let me put this case: I know a woman who called the cops when she was a kid and claimed she was being held hostage by her parents who sexually abused her.

Kid had it all: money, a gorgeous house, private school education. She was smart, beautiful, sexy, and her parents spoiled the crap out of her

And sexually abused her. Repeatedly.

Neither you nor I know the full story behind anyone's upbringing and I will bet the ranch that some of the kids you claim are whining are not. I'd even wager most aren't.

They're just not talking about what's really wrong.

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I reread it whenever another Repuglycan't gets busted for buggery.

Chet Kincaid June 14, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Yes, some of it sunk in, even when I was sitting way back in the rear pews, hoping my Dad couldn't see me reading science fiction novels during his sermons.

MittBorg June 14, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I was just tickled to death by Hexateuch. And Book of Zimmerman.

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