HEAVY DUTY WANKING  2:10 pm June 12, 2012

Great Questions of Our Times: Should the Bison Be the National Mammal?

by Jim Newell

Not worth itA few weeks ago, Sen. Tim Johnson of South Dakota introduced the National Fluff My Constituents Act, a.k.a. the National Bison Legacy Act, to name the bison the National Mammal of the United States. That’s about as clear a way as possible to say you hate humans, Tim Johnson. Why isn’t the Overtaxed Small Business Owner the national mammal, or the fertilized egg? The Senate fucks up everything it tries. But at least it’s tackling this big question. Let’s hear the fors and againsts and try to reach a verdict, because if the Senate gets this question wrong, or right, American unemployment will remain at historically high levels.

The papers in South Dakota have come down squarely on the side on themselves. Mitchell, South Dakota’s Daily Republic chimed in with this eloquent editorial, “Give bison its due, name it national mammal.”

People of European ancestry are chiefly responsible for the buffalo’s near demise a century ago — overhunting was one cause, cattle grazing was another — but people of all colors and backgrounds today tend to see the buffalo for what it really is: A beast that harkens back to our pioneering roots.

As for us, we see the buffalo as noble, steadfast and hearty, all of which are traits we also see in South Dakotans and others who live on the western Great Plains.

We say give the buffalo its due. Push the National Bison Legacy Act onward and into passage.

Put the mighty buffalo upon a pedestal that remains below that of the mighty bald eagle, but upon one that still pays homage to the cultural significance that the rugged creature holds out here on the Plains.

But lo, a counterpoint, from A. Barton Hinkle in the Richmond Times Dispatch! This was reprinted in Reason, so it’s along the lines of “if the government names the bison the national mammal, who knows what it will do next?”

The next thing you know everyone is getting in on the act. Retirees who spend every weekend going to square-dance conventions start a campaign to have the square dance designated the state’s official dance — just as it has been in Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, and 19 other U.S. states. Then the fishermen demand to have the bluegill (Illinois) or the crappie (Louisiana) named the official state fish. Pretty soon you have an official state butterfly such as the two-tailed Swallowtail (Arizona) or the Karner Blue (New Hampshire) – along with an official state dinosaur (Hadrosaurus foulkii, New Jersey), shell (Crassostrea virginica, Virginia), soil (Harney silt loam, Kansas), sport (jousting, Maryland) and potato festival (the Albemarle Potato Festival in Elizabeth City, N.C.).

Then the schoolkids join in. According to the official state website of Colorado, “In 2007, Jay Baichi’s 4th grade class began the process to get the Western Painted Turtle designated as the Colorado State Reptile. His 4th grade class the next year completed the legal steps and Governor Ritter signed HB 08-1017 on March 18, 2008.” Oh joy. Before you know it, the drunks and practical jokers have had their way and you end up like Nevada — which has, kid you not, an official state artifact: a 2,000-year-old Tule Duck Decoy made out of bulrushes that was found during a cave exploration in 1924. Second prize is two Tule Duck Decoys.

This is what America has in store for it, if it goes down the buffalo road. And it cannot end well. Gibbon wrote all about it in “The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,” and we are repeating the mistake again 2,000 years later. It’s all on the Internet, you can look it up yourself.

Our verdict: Those were the two most inane articles we’ve ever read.

[Mitchell Daily Republic, Richmond Times Dispatch]

 

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{ 163 comments }

Barb June 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I vote for Bristol to be the national mammal. She weighs more and her fur is thicker, representing the fortitude of American citizens.

nounverb911 June 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Won't her mother hunt her from a helicopter then?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm

BONUS!

EatsBabyDingos June 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Subgenus, the Bristol Beaver.

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm

More a body part than a subgenus (ick!)

sj660 June 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Know your orders: mammal ≠ reptile.

Barb June 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Tatonka=buffalo. Bristol=buffalo butt.
Seven more days until her show starts. I can't wait not to watch it.

Lascauxcaveman June 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Hon, her show has been going on since McCain made his big mistake.

fartknocker June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I saw the commercial for her show last night. I couldn't move fast enough to mute her before her aimless diatribe spewed out of her fucking piehole. And of course, she had to show us her little bundle of joy.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Wait. Her show has sound?

Fuggedabout that idear!

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

There's upskirts?? Is this airing after family hour?!

Fare la Volpe June 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I feel sorry for her adorable little baby.

Only 3 years old and already he has a pimp.

AncienReggie June 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Dang. I was going to suggest Orly Taitz.

EatsBabyDingos June 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Shrew or titmouse. And it should be the Congressional Mammal of Congress.

HuddledMass June 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm

A titmouse is a bird, but… sure, Congressional Mammal, sure.

sj660 June 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

So, thread has decided that Bristol Palin is the Congressional titmouse?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Sayyyyyy, you must be one them scientitians Andrew Breitbart warned us about….

Lascauxcaveman June 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

If you want to go with a true symbol of our national character, I choose the raccoon.

Plucky little bastards always sneaking about, eating garbage and stealing stuff. Also, it's native to all 49 states. (Obviously, Hawaii doesn't count.)

viennawoods13 June 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I have a baby one living in the birch tree right this minute, chewing the shit out of the bark. I almost wish I had a rifle.

nounverb911 June 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

But how does this effect Buffalo, NY?

Barb June 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Meh, they're just winging it there.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm

That comment Anchors me, Bar.

WhatTheHeck June 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

ooooo, you’re hot.

Barb June 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

NounVerb911, I was born in Buffalo.
Jeff just flew someone out to Chicago to pick up dinner for us tonight as a surprise. Had I known he was going to do this I would have requested Buffalo for some beef on weck.

I hope the person how has my dinner doesn't take it into the bathroom with him on the plane.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Oh man, beef on weck. Buffalo does have some redeeming characteristics, to be sure.

Maman June 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm

It ain't the winter!

viennawoods13 June 12, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Or the television. Irv Weinstein and bowling shows.

Maman June 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I am going to be in Buffalo (Lockport) at the beginning of the month. We have already planned to bring a cooler with us to pack full of weck rolls, white hots and Bison chip dip. Plus, we will need space for the Genny Cream Ale.

Barb June 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

How long will you be there, Maman?

Maman June 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Only 3 days. We are burying my grandmother who died in February. Just time enough to do the service, have lunch and stop at Bells or Tops (whichever one is still there)

Maman June 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Nobody gives a weck

Barb June 12, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I was wrong. It wasn't Chicago. He's having dinner delivered from Colorado. Derr, at least they both begin with a "C."

Come here a minute June 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I am going to write a letter to my senators demanding they introduce legislation to put editorial writers on the endangered species list.

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

And offer them PROTECTION??!?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

A condom?

Lascauxcaveman June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Well, you don't want them reproducing, do you?

nounverb911 June 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I nominate John Boehner as America's official Oompa Loompa.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm

That ain't worth a nickel.

elburritodeluxe June 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I like the zygote idea.

Baconzgood June 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

"Before you know it, the drunks and practical jokers have had their way and you end up like Nevada"

I didn't know Nevada was cool. I have to rethink this whole south west thing now.

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Also, the National Endangered bottom-feeding flabby mammal, the Hanatee,
The National Reptile, and
The National Fat Motherfucker

PubOption June 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

And the national amphibian (Newt).

sj660 June 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

You just posted this in order to create "balance" by making funnies at the Democrat party for a change, you librul commie Kenyan!

Baconzgood June 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Buffalo are stinky, lazy, stupid….If they joined fantasy football leagues they would be able to vote in most states.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:32 pm

You know what they think about piglets, Baconz, huh, do ya?

Troglodeity June 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Gibbon wrote all about it in “The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,” and we are repeating the mistake again 2,000 years later.

Gosh, I never knew that the Roman Empire had a National Mammal. Was it the Pig (Latin)?

Baconzgood June 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

at-they isya unnyfe!

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Yeah, it makes sense that you'd speak it, huh?

OneYieldRegular June 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The mastodon. And you can see how well that went.

Lucidamente1 June 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I nominate skullfucking for National Sex Act.

SmutBoffin June 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That's just what a lieberal like you would want. Every proud conservative endorses the "Rest stop handie with no eye contact".

Fare la Volpe June 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

"Thanks, Earl."

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

That automatically makes me national mammal.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

My vote is for Kim Kardashian.

OK, yes, I realize I'm voting for the bison, but still…

GortRay June 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I vote for the wide open beaver.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Is that you, Larry Flynt?

TribecaMike June 12, 2012 at 8:50 pm

My opinion is split about that.

WhatTheHeck June 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

The national mammal has a red neck and can be found inhabiting double wides in the national trailer park.

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

….can be enticed out of it's lair with some pork rinds and dip

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

That's no mammal, that's a slime mold.

Chichikovovich June 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I'm against the proposal. The spirit of America demands that the national mammal should be one that has successfully been rendered extinct. Like the passenger pigeon should be the national bird.

Infrogmation June 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

So, the sensible politician?

Schmannnity June 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I would prefer to declare the national mammaries.

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I would prefer to declare the national mammaries

Now, this is an interesting aside – while keeping it as PG as Wonkette can aspire to, whose would you nominate?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Oh please! Christina Hendricks has competition?

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

She may not have won the race, but she's definitely pushing out in front…..

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I'd say she's well-qualified…

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I second the nomination.

el_donaldo June 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Kate Upton. You're welcome.

Schmannnity June 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Sofia Vergara, Women's Division, Chris Christie, Men's Division

WhatTheHeck June 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm

“the national mammaries”

Is that the same as the government teat? The republicans want to reduce those a cup size or two, and dry up the free flowing milk.

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm

"Mr. Speaker, I rise on this day in this august chamber to put into law a proposal to designate the brown mass I found in my diaper this morning the official National Turd…"

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm

"The House will recognize the Junior Senator from Louisiana….."

elviouslyqueer June 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm

David Vitter?

actor212 June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Or any of the old dinosaurs, yes

TootsStansbury June 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I was just going to suggest the prairie dog as the national mammal. And here is a fine example of a prairie dog gone horribly wrong.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Isn't Senator Brown (Mass.) the National Turd?

SmutBoffin June 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm

WHAT WILL THEY CHOOSE AS THE NATIONAL DINOFLAGELLATE PFIESTERIA PISCICIDA MAYBE

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I have to upfiest that.

elburritodeluxe June 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm

So typical of our anti-religious, politically correct lawmakers that they have not named Jesus as our National Diety.

Lascauxcaveman June 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Ha! I think technically there may be a law against that.

Whatevs, you get enough true patriot 'murican congressmen lined up, they can get it repealed.

TribecaMike June 12, 2012 at 8:12 pm

It's not for lack of trying.

starfanglednut June 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Why next thing you know, states will be naming state guns

prommie June 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Adderal Bison for national strung-out mammal!

elviouslyqueer June 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Great. Now you've given Willow the name of her first-born spawn.

GortRay June 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Newt Gingrich for National maggot. Vote now!

nounverb911 June 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Make it "Moon Maggot" and you've got a deal.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Aye.

Tommmcattt June 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Looking at recent presedential polls, our national animal should be the Jackass.

Blueb4sunrise June 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

FURRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SexySmurf June 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I hate to be the Nerd in the Red Shirt, but bison are not buffaloes. Buffaloes are only found in Africa.

Chichikovovich June 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Well, why didn't you say so earlier? OK, the buffalo should absolutely be the national mammal.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm

*Cape* buffalo = Africa
Water buffalo = Asia

bobbert June 12, 2012 at 10:18 pm

buffalo buffalo = buffalo

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Buffalo WINGS = Buffalo

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

In common usage, we've been calling the American bison a buffalo since 1635, so suck it, taxonomists.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Bison#Name

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm

"A. Barton Hinkle"

That's a joke name, isn't it? Like "Sillius Soddus." Or "Biggus Dickus?"

SexySmurf June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

With a name like that I imagine him writing the op-ed on a type writer while drinking a highball of scotch and wearing a fedora with a press card tucked in the hatband.

And then he talked really fast about a "dame" with "jake gams."

MosesInvests June 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I have a vewy good fwiend in Wome named Biggus Dickus!
(Sorry, Python Tourette's-h/t to anniegetyerfun)

vodkamuppet June 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Uhhh….Native Americans are mammals too and Europeans killed just as many of them and all they got was Columbus Day.

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm

"I came all the way to The New World and all I got was this lousy redskin……"

Chichikovovich June 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm

"I came all the way to Fort Amherst and all I got was this lousy blanket."

"(Not even washed….)"

Fare la Volpe June 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I came all the way to Roanoke colony and all I

vodkamuppet June 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

CROATOAN

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Excellent

viennawoods13 June 12, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Nice.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

That's not fair. There was smallpox in it.

Beowoof June 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I think we need a selection committee to name the biggest douche bag in the republican party. Just look at a partial list of potential candidates:
Jan Brewer
Mitt Rmoney
W
Dick Cheney, (Although this maybe a special category, Special Award for Long Term Dark Sided Douchery).
Jim DeMint
Larry Craig
Mark Sanford.
Jeb Bush
Orrin Hatch
David Vitter etc etc etc
Then you could have a media douch category: not limited to republicans
Nancy Grace
Matt Lauer
Rush Limpbaugh
Glenn Beck
Bill O'Lielly
Eric Ericson
Sean Hannity
Greta Van Sustern
Fox Friends entire cast

I could go on for days with nominations. Hmmmm, I guess that's point, why are you wasting time with this bullshit.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

National Mammal Song would then be "Great White Buffalo," by the Nuge, right?

rickmaci June 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Wild Turkey libel !!

Estproph June 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I think the Blithering Idiot should be the national mammal, since they have almost replaced all other mammals in the US at this point.

prommie June 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Gibbering Moron Libel!

Abernathy June 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I'm fine with this, as long as the corporation remains the National Person.

Serolf_Divad June 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I thought John Galt was the national mammal.

Chichikovovich June 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

This is what America has in store for it, …. And it cannot end well. Gibbon wrote all about it in “The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,” and we are repeating the mistake again 2,000 years later.

Well, though Gibbon was entirely silent on bison-related topics, he did argue that a huge contributor to the fall of the Roman Empire was the rise of Christianity and its adoption as a state religion. So perhaps this A. Barton Hinkle fellow is more correct than he imagines: Gibbon was describing what America has in store for it.

Dildeaux June 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Pics suitable for fapping or GTFO.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Well, congress has to do this kind of shit so they can stay away from doing anything meaningful while they are in session. Like, say, jobs or the economy.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Oh, and South Dakota! Let me guess: National Drug Store, Wall Drug.

Mumbletypeg June 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm

we see the buffalo as noble, steadfast and hearty, all of which are traits we also see in South Dakotans and others

Did they remember to ask Lee Greenwood if he gives a fap?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Screw Africa, let's go with the lion!

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Would it be presumptuous to vote for myself as national mammal?

vodkamuppet June 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Do we have a national triple processed re-constituted cheese based food product yet?
I nominate Rick Santorum.

YasserArraFeck June 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I would definitely nominate Santorum as the National Underwear Skidmark

vodkamuppet June 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Still beats being the republican nominee.

Fare la Volpe June 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Ewwww.

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Kraft Smegma?

Nostrildamus June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I nominate the sodomized, dead penguin as our national mammal as a salute to American science education.

niblick77 June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I thought Snooki was the national mammal!

el_donaldo June 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I believe Florida recognizes the manatee.

Blueb4sunrise June 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

My experience with bison-burgers leads me to conclude that there's not enough fat on bison for it to be the national mammal.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

The national mammal should be the unicorn. Or the frumious bandersnatch.

Fare la Volpe June 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Or Jesus!

elviouslyqueer June 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Tsk. So no love for the double-breasted screaming loony fruitbat? Or its close relative, the preening maniacal babbling hair pie?

prommie June 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

That preening hair pie, that will make you lose your lunch.

Fare la Volpe June 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Well Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo to you too!

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Remind me again, how much are we paying these useless fucks to raise questions as pressing and weighty as these?

SayItWithWookies June 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm

The crappie is Louisiana's state fish? I thought he was their governor.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Doesn't Ted Turner own all the bison these days? I bet he is behind this.

anniegetyerfun June 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

He does, and as embarrassed as I am to admit this, they are delish. He does raise them right.

BaldarTFlagass June 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I was not aware that they were available for consumption until I chanced upon a "Ted's" in Columbus OH right before a Bela Fleck concert last August. Agreed, tastylicious!

el_donaldo June 12, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Bison are difficult to masterbate to. I like beaver.

prommie June 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

This is an asshole: *

BlueStateLibel June 12, 2012 at 2:51 pm

An alien from space would think Congress fritters away its days coming up with pointless legislation and that alien would be right.

owhatever June 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I dunno about bisons, but that's a fine picture of Bristol.

mavenmaven June 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm

The Republicans just want an official mammal so that they can don the furries outfit and pretend its patriotic, like they do with lady hose pretending to be 1776.

OneYieldRegular June 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Where will this madness stop??? Next thing you know, there'll be an official cola of the 2012 Olympic Games.

(Only tangentially on-topic, but I might was well take this rare instance of discourse about buffalo to recommend a terrific novel about their near extinction caused by the ancestors of the people who now want them honored: Butcher's Crossing, by John Williams).

MittBorg June 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Thank you!

Guppy June 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Hey now, don't be messin' with Maryland and jousting!

barto June 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

What about the official state appliance? I nominate the vibrator – specifically the dual-lobed Titillator 3000 (9V model, not the woefully underpowed 6V). This sublime device has amused and delighted tens of thousands of South Dakotians. Bison? Not so much.

Pop_Socket June 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Jousting is the state sport of Maryland. Just sayin'.

SenileAgitation June 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

The answer is yes. Slow witted, shaggy, herd loving and great with french fries, you know this mammal is proud and at least knows its free.

Steverino247 June 12, 2012 at 5:39 pm

OK, name another mammal whose penis has been on the nickel as long as the bison's.

That's right. Look it up: Buffalo Dick Nickel.

(OK, so it's the prepuce tassel, but you know what it covers)

Buckminster June 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I bet Montana's idiot Representative Denny Rehberg is kicking himself for not thinking up this crappy piece of legislation.

YasserArraFeck June 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

Sort of like a Dick Pastie?

Spurning Beer June 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm

The official blues musician of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is Taj Mahal. Really.

TribecaMike June 12, 2012 at 8:03 pm

This native of Worcester and long-time Taj fan says "Thanks, I didn't know that!"

I had the blues so bad one time
It put my face in a permanent frown
You know I'm feeling so much better
I could cakewalk into town

Spurning Beer June 12, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Moses stood on the Red Sea shore
Smotin' that water with a two-by-four.

TribecaMike June 12, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Apropos of nada, in the late eighties, my wife and I bought our one and only auto, a 1971 VW Camper, from the bison keeper at San Francisco's Golden Gate Park which he'd used for years to haul manure. Took a bit of cleaning out and electrical re-wiring, but it got us from Frisco to Kansas City, MO, where alas "Old Stinky" croaked from the heroic though foolhardy endeavor of crossing the Rockies. We didn't know VW Campers essentially had the same engine as a Bug and drove that critter into the ground. The dear thing was sold soon after at a Kansas City HIV-AIDS charity auction. You just can't beat that new bison smell, nor totally erase it.

Anyway, thanks for listening and yes I did say "Frisco." Nyah nyah!

bobbert June 12, 2012 at 10:27 pm

How can the National Mammal be anything but the Sheeple?

didgen June 13, 2012 at 1:17 am

I have to say the buffalo may object to being one step below a carrion eater… just sayin.

ttommyunger June 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I thought Reagan already had that one in the bag.

Barb June 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I'm sorry about your Grandmother. Most of my mom's ashes are scattered over the falls. I hope this trip heals your heart.

Butch_Wagstaff June 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Warren Buffet now owns the RTD: http://www.wric.com/story/18500857/warren-buffets

The word is this will not affect its editorial content. So, yeah, it'll continue to be the shitty paper it's always been.

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