It's what's for dinnerLet’s check in on those laboratories of democracy and see what they’re up to, shall we? Restricting abortion access, perhaps? Passing laws against climate change maybe? Or taking some time off of hating women and science to hate immigrants and college students for a change of pace? Oh, here’s a new one: Tom Corbett, governor of Pennsylvania, is creating a Keystone Opportunity Zone in which Shell Oil will have the Opportunity to not pay any taxes on a plant that will manufacture “a range of plastic products” (like those pictured left), the taxpayers will have the Opportunity to pay for toxic waste cleanup, the community will have the Opportunity to breathe (perfectly EPA-compliant) poisonous air, and teachers and firefighters have the Opportunity to find new jobs! Opportunities for everyone! And on top of it, a plant that makes plastics, which as we know, is what the FUTURE is made of.

From the Daily Review:

A new proposal by Gov. Tom Corbett to give a long-term $1.7 billion state tax break for a planned Marcellus Shale gas petrochemical refinery in southwestern Pennsylvania is a late-emerging issue in the state budget debate. The tax credit proposal for a $4 billion Shell Oil Co. plant came to light just as Corbett started negotiations last week with Republican legislative leaders over the final shape of the $27 billion state budget for fiscal 2012-13…Shell plans to locate in a state Keystone Opportunity Zone so it would also get long-term breaks on local taxes as well…Shell’s parent firm, Royal Dutch Shell, had a $20 billion profit in 2010… An environmental group criticized the governor for giving a tax break to a big corporation while he is cutting state aid to public schools.

Look, schools are nice and all, but they are becoming a luxury we can’t afford if we want to make sure that foreign corporations like Shell Oil are able to weather this economic crisis, not to mention if we’re going to be able to make the kind of cheap plastic garbage we usually import from China. So this plant is helping with locavorism ON TOP of helping Shell Oil!  Also, ideally, the refinery will create enough low skilled jobs to make any need for an education completely obsolete and has the added bonus of lowering life expectancy, thus saving money on Medicare and Social Security. WIN, WIN and WIN!

[The Daily Review]

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  • That plastic dead bird is truly life-like!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Today, we are all lifelike plastic dead birds.

    • nounverb911

      Is that Nemo in the bird's stomach?

      • I thought it looked more kaleidoscopic squid-ish.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          It's the circle of life: any animal dumb enough to eat plastic is clearly an evolutionary dead-end, and doesn't have a place here on Earth, right?

          (Says the father of two former two-year-olds.)

    • HamsterSandwich

      Go here for more fun-filled bird/plastics pictures:

  • nounverb911

    To pay for the tax cut Corbett will scrap Penn State's Child Molestation Athletic Department.

    • To pay for the tax cut Corbett will scrap Penn State's Child Molestation Athletic Department special investigative office.

      Priorities, man!

    • Guppy

      If anything is liable to get a sitting governor lynched, it's fucking with college athletics.

  • Barb

    Tom Corbett won't be happy until every city is Allentown. Maybe Billy Joel can just keep writing dreadful songs about the barren wasteland Tommy wants as his state.


      • Barb

        Every time someone posts (anything) "libel" to anything I write it makes me want to stop trying.

        • Tommmcattt

          You have to keep memeing a meme until it becomes funny again. It's a law or something.

          • Or beat it to death.

            Either way, it happens

          • Barb

            No Actor, actually it DOESN'T happen. I'm NOT going to "lay back and enjoy it" as you spam my comments day and night with crap about my "vibrator" my "fingering myself" etc. so that you can get your website noticed. Go and do it to the other posters CUZ I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE. I've had enough of your shit, seriously.

          • Baconzgood

            MEME LIBEL!

          • IRONY LIBEL!

          • Guppy

            I was meta before it was cool.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            No you weren't. And it still isn't.

          • You have to keep memeing a meme until it becomes funny again

            Kind of like, "Leave LIBEL Alone!"?
            Incorporates both meanings, sort of, if read correctly. Some folks just want the damned libel joke to be left alone!

          • not that Radio

            Some folks just want the damned libel joke to be left alone!

            Whereas some want the libel joke to continually shave its head, dangle a baby out of a convertible, and flash its crotch to photographers. Or so I've heard.

          • I tried googl'ing your references, which must be an amalgam of different celebrity diva's drive-by witnessings. It is not without compunction that I report I failed in my Google search. But alas, I'm not infallibel..

          • not that Radio
          • They all happened to the same person.

            As I hit "Post…" I realized this. She'd been caught driving with the kid in her lap not in its seat? And I was watching the whole drama with the head shaving unfold on a tv set at a motel while road tripping through central VA, maybe 2005? (your link re: her head-shaving had no date assigned to it but the other one confirms what my fading memory was reaching for).

        • James Michael Curley

          Please don't. We look forward to Barb's barbs.

    • calliecallie

      Pittsburgh. Also.

      • Baconzgood

        Hey I live in Pittsburgh and I…Oh, sorry you're right.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Maybe it's the fumes from plastic manufacturing, but I actually thought that was the best song Billy Joel ever wrote.

      • Well even I as a diehard fan of Joel myself, I have my limits.
        Your challenge now is to let me suggest the opening and/or chorus of "Uptown Girl" complete with backup harmonicals etc. I dare you to try to *un*hear that song now — without benefit of any listening, iTunes within reach for another substitute-earworm — for the next 15 minutes. (Srsly, the other day I could not pry the song from my brain).

        • OneYieldRegular

          There's a tune in my head that makes wish that I were dead/
          It keeps on going on and on and I don't even like this song/
          Go away! La la la la la la la la! Go away! La la la la la la la la!

  • IncenseDebate

    At least it will be very quiet during the Silent Spring.

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m telling you every time I go shopping I end up behind some fat corporate welfare queen buying steak and lobster and then driving off in a Cadillac.

    • sewollef

      You're not doing your shopping at Fairway in Red Hook then…

      All I get are Prius drivers and hipsters renting those 'Zip Car' gizmos you find on the streets.

    • elgin_pelican

      What I hate are those Young Bucks with their stock options.

  • Beetagger

    Tom Corbett could suck the chrome off an exhaust pipe.

  • Oily pol greases skids for oily company while sticking taxpayers in tar pit.

  • Tommmcattt

    Ugh. It's 9:15 here and I've already had three rage-gasms over the Right-wing freaks. Can't you post something uplifting and joyful? I know, I know, it's the United States in the early part of the 21rst century, but there has to be a picture of a puppy or something laying around. Or just link to a site featuring Fillipino gymnists in speedos, I'm not picky.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Would a hug help? You must promise not to throat punch me.

      • Tommmcattt

        I dunno. How much would you say you resemble Rick Scott? I might not be able to help myself.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I bear an uncanny resemblance to a cautious mixture of a mature Harrison Ford and a young Milton Berle.

  • Schmannnity

    Royal Dutch treat!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    The money raised will help develop child-grinding machinery to extract baby oil.


  • BaldarTFlagass

    And the band played on…

    • Estproph

      I thought maybe I was the only one old enough to get that…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Those struggling oil companies deserve things like a $1.7 billion tax break — otherwise they'd barely be able to create jobs. And it keeps the state from spending actual money on things like solar, wind power or high-speed rail, which just amount to big government overreach and would start us on the slippery slope to fascism.

    • Buckminster

      When are we going to quit sucking up to big oil? I, for one, would welcome our fascist overlords if they had solar and wind power and high-speed rail service.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Tom's just nostalgic for the good old days of the 19th century when John D Rockefeller's Standard Oil destroyed Pennsylvania's environment. Or maybe he's nostalgic for the good old days when the steel industry did it. I can't decide.

    • Guppy

      Any chance this will be near Johnstown?

  • Schmannnity

    Don't raise taxes on the plastics creators.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, when the energy industry brought Pennsylvania for their puppet Corbett, they got what they paid for; my state's now their fiefdom, to do with what they wish.

  • Baconzgood

    I said it before and I'll say it again. FUCK TOM CORBETT!

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Bat-shit crazy Republicans has become the new norm now. Stuff like this just so routine it is hardly is worth mentioning anymore.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Wasn't he on "Northern Exposure" and is now the voice of "Applebees"?

    • not that Radio

      He also introduced Carrie Bradshaw to "hiking", which is really just like "walking", only outside.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Did they have “Sex Not in the City”?

        • not that Radio

          "Sex and the Bucolic, Rural Upstate Ranch with Pigs and Horse Manure" didn't test as well in the focus groups.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Man, Pennsylvania gets all the luck.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Oh yeah, I'm really feeling lucky right now – Pennsyltucky, Fuck Yeah!!!

  • Not_So_Much

    It doesn't feel like Corbett is really trying unless he layers in some toxic fracking in there somewhere.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      FRACK HIM!!!!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Are they going to manufacture the plastic directly into bird gullets? I feel like that would be a worthwhile step that would save us quite a bit of time.

    • edgydrifter

      Mmmmm… foie plastique!

  • By the tone of this wonkette news report, I take it that you don't approve of our austerity-for-the-poor, welfare-for-the-rich, poison-soaked death culture? Where is your patriotism? Remember 9-11!

  • Callyson

    And the Wikipedia entry on Corbett has more stomach – churning info:

    In February 2011, Corbett repealed a four month old policy regulating natural gas drilling (including hydraulic fracturing) in park land, deeming it "unnecessary and redundant" according to a spokesperson. The Pennsylvania Democratic Party called the repeal a "payoff" to oil and gas interests which donated a million dollars to Corbett's campaign. According to Corbett, "had they not given me a dime, I would still be in this position, saying we need to grow jobs in Pennsylvania".
    On February 14, 2012, Corbett signed The Marcellus Shale Law (House Bill 1950). The law changes the zoning laws applicable to Marcellus Shale well drilling, which is more commonly known as hydraulic fracturing. Some of its provisions are that all municipalities must allow Marcellus Shale well drilling in all zoning districts, including residential and municipalities may not limit hours of operation. Water and wastewater pits must also be allowed in all zoning districts, including residential. Compressor stations must be allowed in industrial and agricultural zoning districts and towns may not limit hours of operation. Gas processing plants are allowed in industrial zoning districts and hours of operation cannot be limited. Gas pipelines must be allowed in all zoning districts, including residential. The law helps gain access to land for new pipelines, one of which will transport natural gas from Pennsylvania to export terminals in Maryland, from which it will be shipped to Europe and Asia. Others contend that the pipeline's purpose is to transport the gas to Maryland and D.C. markets. There are also concerns that exporting natural gas will result in more jobs going overseas, leading to increased unemployment in Pennsylvania and other states as gas prices rise globally.
    The Marcellus Shale Law (House Bill 1950) also contains a provision that allows doctors in Pennsylvania access to the list of chemicals in hydraulic fracturing fluid in emergency situations only, but forbids them from discussing this information with their patients. The information can only be used for emergency medical treatment, and the doctor must immediately verbally agree to keep the information confidential and later sign a document to that effect. The bill also reduces the legal responsibility of vendors, service providers, and operators regarding the identity and impact of contents of the hydraulic fracturing fluid they use.

    I weep for my hometown…

    • There goes Pennsylvania, the West Virginia of the north…

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "I weep for my hometown…"

      That could just be the chemicals.

    • Biff

      Damn! With that much cred, why is Corbett not in the running for POTUS?

  • freakishlywrong

    Does Pennsylvania have recall? Or are Pennsyltuckians too fucked to see what's being done to them. (from behind).

  • mavenmaven

    Between this and the flammable water due to fracking, Pennsylvania could be breeding the new X-men.

  • Baconzgood

    What pisses me off about this whole fracking thing is that Tom won't tax the oil companies because "they are creating jobs". It's not fucking like building walkmans. You can't just go move these jobs to lets say…Mexico or Indiana. MARCELLUS SHALE AIN'T GOING TO HOLLAND!!!!!!! IT'S FUCKING UNDER THE EARTH HERE AND THE OIL COMPANIES WILL PAY WHAT EVER THEY HAVE TO TO DESTROY MY NECK OF THE WOODS TO GET AT IT!!!!!!!!!!! And don't even get me started how he voided any kind of local ordinances that municipalities have, and destroyed their right to self govern! IT MAKES ME SO MAD I WANNA POUND MY KEYBOARD AND SPIT!!!!!!!!!


    *hock twewt*

    • BaldarTFlagass

      There there. *injects Bacon with thorazine* There there.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      If you don't tax the company, they use the savings to donate to your super PAC. Win Win!

  • smashedinhat

    smashedinhat, as an engineering whore involved in many industrial sectors unpopular with the public (currently looking to change occupations, ghetto landlord topping the list) drags his ass in circles on a bed of glass whilst howling at the moon like a pale eyed beast, much like many of the lawyers I know. We circle the room. Howling.

    Plastic is bad!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Sometimes I just wanna do like Edward G did towards the end of "Soylent Green;" just take the needle and go out inebriated in the IMAX, and get turned into the soylent myself. EAT ME!

  • edgydrifter

    Does "stand your ground" apply when your life is being threatened by a giant multinational petrochemical conglomerate?

    • sewollef

      They call that 'revolution', I believe.

    • scvirginia

      YES! Giant multinational will stand your ground.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Plastic Iron City beer bottles for all!!!1

  • In the future anthropologists will wonder about the rule of the Plaztecs, an ancient warrior race who created giant pyramids of junk where they sacrificed victims to Petro, the god of all that is crude. Their victims were selected from one of the several tribes of Librulz.

    • JustPixelz

      future anthropologists? I wonder about it already. Maybe the Plaztecs live in 19th century Repubican world, while I live in the present*. So, relatively speaking, I am in the future.
      * using scientific measurements of "time", which is, of course, a hoax.

  • JustPixelz

    What's the difference between an "Opportunity Zone" and a "stimulus bill"? OH yeah, the socialism.

  • glamourdammerung

    I am disappointed that they did not work whining about Solyndra into this proposal to give an oil company a ton of public money just because.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "I encircle this land in which I live with all my love. Never again can I be torn from here without going to seed. I tremble for each tree and each woods that disappears, for each silent valley that is devastated, for each stream that these pirates of industry, the real masters of our land, threaten." – Friedrich Reck-Malleczewen, 1938, Germany, Diary of a Man in Despair.

    • swordfis

      "Reck was denounced for reviling German purity in December 1944. In January 1945 he was sent to the concentration camp of Dachau. There he was shot in the back of the neck on February 16, 1945, though it was claimed for many years that he had died of typhus on the 17th." Wiki – Thanks for introducing me to another German writer of true moral stature.

  • James Michael Curley

    You know what else comes from southwestern Pennsylvania and lowers life expectancy?

    Hint: "I have in my hand 57 cases of individuals who would appear to be either card-carrying members or certainly loyal to the Communist Party, but who nevertheless are still helping to shape our foreign policy."

    That's right, Heinz Ketchup.

  • chicken_thief

    I wish I had a billion dollars so all the Republican governors would blow me, too. Actually, I'd have their wives do it, but whatev.

  • qwerty42

    "…tax credit proposal for a $4 billion Shell Oil Co. plant…"
    Dog knows, if anyone needs $$$, it is Shell Oil. Maybe PA should just donate everything to the company in a wild desperate hope it will be enough.

  • DahBoner

    We could also make plastics out of hemp seed oil, but then we'd have to grow a bunch of hemp.


  • BarackMyWorld

    Just a guess, but I am betting the tax break the company gets is worth far more than the amount that'll be contributed to the local economy (minus the cost to taxpayers for environmental clean-up, of course).

  • owhatever

    Why not just tell Shell to do whatever the hell they want and send us the bill?

  • Better yet: Shell gets the tax money, but it's the "satellite" companies that are expected to create the 10-15k jobs in a state with a million non-working members of the labor force. Then there's the question of whether those Pa,-based satellite firms, if they materialize, will employ any residents of Ohio or W.Va.

    So, you know, good plan.

  • ttommyunger

    Corporate shills are people, my friend…

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