Comment Of The Day: Libertarian Sexts Edition

  sex machines

Ron Paul will fuck your face offWhat is liberty? Where does the freedom to eat your neighbor’s cat intersect with, er, your neighbor’s cat? No one can ever know. It is ineffable and unknowable, like fuckin’ God, man!

But we can know about commenter Nesnora’s date with a Libertarian, in response to today’s brilliant and wonderful and insightful and just plain fuckin’ terrific post What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar, and that is that dating a Libertarian has one side effect. Pure Fear.

Congratulate Nesnora, everyone, and then be sure to sidle up and cop a feel.

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271 comments

  1. Barb

    Congrats Nesnora! You made a great comment.

    I am just here for the beer.

    I was going to ask "who do I have to blow around here to get comment of the day?" Feel free to answer below, lol.

      1. Barb

        OMG Ya'll had better be watching the hockey game. LA is about to get Lord Stanley's Cup, the greatest trophy in sports.

        After my team choked, I had to pick a new favorite team. I picked the LA Kings because Rebecca lives there and I knew they wouldn't let me down. I will be a Kings fan for life now. I will never be a Raiders fan though, lol.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          If you do become a Kings fan for life, that will make you more loyal than 99+ percent of the people at the arena tonight. I grew up in LA, followed the Kings when they wore the Jerry Buss purple and gold (but not avidly, because why would you when the Lakers were contending year in and year out), hard my heart broken by Robitaille, Gretzky et al, then stopped caring at all with the lockout and living in a non NHL town.

          Now though, I've seen Quick win the Conn Smythe and Dustin Brown (who looks like a gap toothed teenager) kiss the Cup, and I actually am getting goose bumps. It'll pass, I'm sure.

          1. Barb

            Hey Berkeley! I went back to the Farmer' Market and they had tons of bi-colored corn, 12 for a dollar. I made tons of freezer bags of corn.

            My hands are sore from applauding the Kings tonight. I'm going to let the hype die down and the prices drop before I buy some Kings jerseys and t-shirts.

            I can't wait for football season. I am a Chargers fan.

          2. chascates

            12 ears for $1? Sheesh, no wonder we market gardeners are poor! We sell at small markets in central Texas and there's a bunch of old, retired guys who garden just for a hobby. They'll sell for almost nothing just to get out and talk to people.
            That is a great deal on corn though. I hope people who don't normally buy it will try it and keep eating it. Locally produced food, in season, and eaten with friends and family. The best way to maintain sanity.

          3. Barb

            Hey Chascates! The only thing I miss about living in the south is amazing tomatoes and dirt cheap watermelon, sold curbside by local gardeners.

            I live in the desert and I dug a garden, hauled in the dirt and manure and planted my own veggies. Something tells me that I am going to get a really anemic looking $500.00 tomato out of it.

          4. scvirginia

            So how come we don't have lonely retired hobbyists selling produce for next to nothing 'round here (SC)? It seems like we ought to…?

            We are CSA members since our yard's too shady for growing much in the way of produce. The weeds & skeeters do well every year, though. Do you do a CSA there?

          5. chascates

            We're ramping up to start a CSA, just selling through a few farmers markets for now. I figured South Carolina would have truck farmers all over the place.

          6. UW8316154

            I've been thinking about joining the local CSA in Skagit County. They seem like pretty good arrangements. Anything I should know first?

          7. chascates

            Here's a great site explaining CSAs and has a list of them: http://www.localharvest.org/csa/

            The best way is to visit the farm and see if you like the people and the place. You want someone with a variety of produce. Eating nothing but kale and collards in the winter or squash in the summer isn't that fun.
            And a lot of CSAs are branching out to include eggs, honey, dairy, and meat products. Delivery method is a factor to consider as well. Good luck and good eating!

          8. scvirginia

            Yeah, but only collards or watermelons, depending on the season.

            We've been members of our CSA for 4 years now. We've got quite a few options locally, including grass-fed beef CSA's, pastured eggs, etc. We really like eating local & organic, but I'm probably preachin' to the choir…

          9. BerkeleyBear

            You are a glutton for punishment, Barb – the Chargers' window is closing fast, especially with the Broncos adding Manning, the Chiefs and Raiders showing signs of life – not to mention a half dozen other AFC teams getting healthy.

            Glad you got your corn. Pan sauteed my yak steaks in the duck fat tonight, and it was a very good experience. The meat is very lean, incredibly dark (it was so dark when I opened up the package it scared me a little) and while it was definitely a little denser than beef sirloin, it was also really flavorful and game-like in a good way.

        2. Mojopo

          Barb. Barb, Barb, Barb. The Devils deserved to lose, but your favorite team for life should be my Blackhawks. They were the first NHL team to march in the Pride Parade with the Stanley Cup.

  2. emmelemm

    Yeah, I knew that one was a winner!

    I'm curious as to the "other ways" of getting him off that don't involve an actual hard-on. OK, I'm really not that curious.

      1. redarmybarbie

        I *AM* slightly curious, but the phrase "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter" serves as sufficient warning, I think…

    1. savethispatient

      I'd imagine it involves telling him that you'd never even touch him with a barge pole, as his happiness is not part of your rational egoism.

    2. Negropolis

      I imagine it'd include a graphic storytelling of the misery of what happened in the Superdome during Katrina or something equivalent.

  3. Steverino247

    Nesnora has accurately described the Libertarian Male. Avoid them at all costs!

    Edit: And how happy I am that my 3,600th comment insulted Libertarians. They're the sociopathic and unknowingly socially inept wing of the Republican party.

    1. Spurning Beer

      Nesnora has also represented dignified Brown University liberal studentry admirably. Our editress Kirsten and Chris Hayes and I are with you, sister.

      Incidentally, I have concluded that "libertarian" is just a pretentious synonym for "asshole."

    2. Antispandex

      Yes, I believe the equation is;

      TS (Turrets Syndrome) > I.Q. = L (Libertarian) + RPV (Ron Paul Voter)

    3. Lazy Media

      I went to an engineering school, so I know a LOT of Libertarians, and while it is not true that all Libertarians are sociopathic dicks, it is nearly universally true that sociopathic dicks are Libertarians.

  4. Nick

    That guy then went home and wrote a lengthy blog tirade about how uppity women are, illustrated with pictures of Disney princes. After which he purchased a book on "pickup" by acclaimed literary genius "Mystery", a set of goggles, and some alligator leather pants.

  5. justkillmenow

    Sitting here in Macroeconomics class trying not to laugh at the thought of the Libertarian in the class not having boners. Yes. I'm bored.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Yeah, most people wait until they're at work.

        Haha, just kidding. Who has a jerb anymore!

      1. mull_man

        How? Read Patinkin's Money, Interest and Prices and find out. I nearly put my eyes out so I wouldn't have to finish that book.

  6. justkillmenow

    Good Lord. He just posted a map of the price variance of cocain around the world.

  7. MittBorg

    Hey, man, it was depressing enough reading that shit the first time.

    Libertarian men. NEVER give them your REAL address/phone #/email/whatever.

    1. redarmybarbie

      I must confess, they make a convincing argument for Stand Your Ground laws (just not in the way they think they do…)

  8. CivicHoliday

    My dick may not be hard, but my head sure is. (What with it being filled with rocks and all…)

    1. weejee

      Intellectually yes, but they can legally breed and vote. Perhaps with some difficulty with the former absent case loads of Viagra™.

      1. MittBorg

        Well … he did volunteer that he required getting off in various ways that didn't involve him getting hard. "I got a softie for you" just doesn't sound that exciting, does it?

          1. Dashboard Buddha

            No. Although, is Mythbusters still on? That might make a great question for them.

            I ain't watching though.

  9. sharethegrief

    Time flies. Back in the day, it was considered impolite to bring up how I could get my blind date off in a different way until we had known each other atleast an hour.

      1. johnnyzhivago

        And others as well… If you ever see the "real" Untergang "Downfall" – there is a reference in the beginning to "Zoo Bunker". The Germans actually developed a computerized radar tracking and targeting system, which was deployed in massive "bunkers" – more like 10 story buildings in Berlin and other cities. A lot of technology from WW-II on both sides has been forgotten about! :)

        But we make heroes out of fighters – not the scientists and engineers who played maybe a decisive role…. Enigma, etc….

        1. TribecaMike

          That's why the gods gave us the Hitler Channel, I mean the History Channel.

          Max Hasting's recent tome, “Inferno: The World at War, 1939-1945” (which I highly recommend) delves a bit into all the needless and obscene slave labor-created construction projects of those years. Has any other nation ever been in such a rush to construct their own destruction?

          1. Steverino247

            The Confederate States of America, but then, they were actually just states in rebellion and not a real country.

          1. TribecaMike

            Adam Tooze's 2006 book "The Wages of Destruction" is an extremely informative book about the economics and infrastructure of the Nazi regime. Tooze is a good writer, too.

  10. MaxUdargo

    This supports my tentative theory that all conservatives are just assholes who know they're assholes, but think it's cute, and just love to annoy everybody by pissing on anything anybody might still care about in what Henley so rightly called "this graceless age."

    Do I still need a drink? Even after so many?

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      And not only are they assholes they're incredibly over-sensitive and whiny assholes when you start pointing out how stupid their beliefs are and how full of shit they are.

    2. MittBorg

      Do you still *care* about the fact that they're annoying assholes? If so, keep drinking till the feeling goes away, or you pass out, whichever comes first.

  11. TribecaMike

    Nesnora's comment for the win! Damn, I could have told you that the moment she posted it.

    "Waiter, the ego-check please!"

  12. Clankie

    At first, the libertarian party appealed to me, because I hate Republicans, and find Democrats to be mainly a bunch of spineless cowards concerned more with getting elected than with actual leadership. After learning a bit more about libertarian ideology, I realized that most of it is rather sociopathic. I think that this is structural in nature, as a core concept in their value system is that money is a direct representation of freedom, and while I am no Buddhist, that seems incredibly flawed to me. Money is nice and all, and having more of it definitely allows you to buy more material things, but to enslave yourself to anything cannot make you free. As someone who has both radically progressive politics and a personal philosophy that emphasizes a peaceful and technologically advanced anarchy as man's ideal evolutionary state, I felt that their (libertarians') entire outlook on things was both childish and diminishing to what I feel to be the higher calling of humanity. However, as time passes, I think that they will be the Coyote to our Roadrunner, endlessly facilitating their own downfall, while merely creating a passing distraction on our path to the future.

    1. Spurning Beer

      You talk good, Clankie.

      Making an idol or fetish of "liberty" is childish and selfish. "It's not fair" is the slogan of the Oedipal phase, where libertarians are eternally stalled. They're going to make Mom and Dad SO UPSET and it will totally show them for being such control freaks.

      1. MittBorg

        You talk purty good yo' own dam self, sir.

        And yet that childish cry for fairness drives all of us who look for a better tomorrow, does it not?

          1. MittBorg

            At least it's not hyperebola.

            I was thinking about Salman Rushdie's great novel, Midnight's Children, in which he discusses the Bangladesh war in terms of its fairness. The unfairness of it all.

      2. Clankie

        Thanks. Too me, the weirdest thing about the whole thing is that nobody really calls them on it in the public sphere. I mean, I know we have a lazy media here, but to hear these conservative/libertarian talking heads prattle on what is ostensibly informative programming about how Big Corporations can give us the freedom that Big Government can't and everything will be perfect here if we could just get rid of Social Security, Medicare, the EPA, and whatnot; I think it is a real comment on the lack of integrity in our media that these people are even treated as experts on anything. The entire libertarian political and economic philosophy, much like the corporate colonialism being paraded about as 'globalization', only holds water if you have no regard for huge volumes of historic empirical evidence. That anyone anywhere can talk about how selling water rights to American companies is great for the local economy of South American countries is exactly as ridiculous as saying that eliminating the minimum wage law or the income tax would increase our national economy. It makes sense, but only if you ignore all the incredibly vast wealth of evidence that says it doesn't. Ugh, I do go on, but I live in Colorado, and the libertarians are actually thick as thieves out here. Not as many of them as their are Holy Christo-American Empire republicans, though…

        1. Designer_Radio

          "Corporate Colonialism being paraded about as 'globalization'."
          I like that. First they stake out their real estate, then they expand their territories, then they assimilate the governments so they can do whatever they want (not sure why they have a propensity to do that, since it's eventually self-defeating and therefore a horrible business model), and eventually they assert total crushing control over their subjects through wage slavery .

          Foxconn is the Company Town, they control when their employees can come and go, not sure if they print actual company scrip, or just pay so little that it doesn't matter.

          1. emmelemm

            I believe they have dorms and cafeterias at the FoxConn complex, so it really IS the company town.

      1. Clankie

        Personally, I generally vote for the Democratic candidate, but it is mostly because Republicans stand for literally everything I am against. Ideally I would like to see our entire legislative system rebuilt as a parliamentary multiparty system where each party is allotted an amount of votes equal to their percentage, but only if the South secedes. At which point I would either start my own party or just go Green, if they even exist anymore. Unfortunately, I do not see the capacity for change coming from either the Democratic or Republican party, if anything is going to actually stop this nation from collapsing into a complete feudalistic police state, it will have to be a complete dismantling and rebuilding of our political process, through, you know, various means.

        1. Guppy

          Ideally I would like to see our entire legislative system rebuilt as a parliamentary multiparty system where each party is allotted an amount of votes equal to their percentage

          Agitate state legislatures to abandon the current single-member, plurality voting districts for House (et al) elections in favor of proportional representation and/or ranked preference voting. This would fix the problem of "majority" parties representing only a minority of declared voters.Repeal the Seventeenth Amendment, ensuring the apportioned House has the strongest undisputed claim to democratic legitimacy. The real political power of the House and its Speaker will grow as a result. The end result will probably look a bit like France.

        2. MittBorg

          Thank you for your response. I don't see that there is a sufficient number of people who have reached a tipping point for the kind of revolutionary change you envision, but perhaps you could enlighten me further. Is there a significant number of people who think like you do, share your concepts of the kind of change needed?

          Thanks for any response.

          1. Clankie

            It is true that there are not yet enough revolutionaries for a revolution, but many of the more reactionary members of American politics further my long term goals even as they may put me at a temporary disadvantage. Look at Scott Walker, who has already done so much damage to Wisconsin, and will continue to do so much more. While I wish that many Americans could reach a 'teachable moment' in regards to progressive politics without losing something of theirs personally, such as their health insurance, or their rights as employees, that unfortunately does not seem to be the case. As I think that man is overall good, or at least not malevolent, in nature, I do not let these short term setbacks discourage me. I believe in the technological singularity theory that is advocated by Ray Kurtzweil, which states that as technological advancement occurs at an exponential growth rate, we will soon reach a point where the rate of advancement appears to be near infinite. Furthermore, I see the same exponential rate of advancement in the development of the overall global social structure, which would appear to all of the reactionaries out there as an exponential rate of decay. I think that as the 'olds' die off, and stop teaching the more gullible minds of the world their failed theories, we will see a very rapid rise in various socially progressive styles of thinking and politics. While I doubt that humanity will evolve to the point of being capable of living in an anarchistic utopia during my lifetime, I doubt very much that the current United States power hierarchy will outlive me. I've probably got at least 30 years as a biot and infinity as an upgradable collection of information, whereas I doubt the US Government in its current form can keep it up for another 20 years. Should we go down the path our corporate overseers would like, and go fullblown China as far as social control, human rights, and environmental protections are concerned; well, I live near the Rocky Mountains and, like any good boy scout, have some survivalist training. I think that the odds are possibly a little in their favor, but I am a patient man, and I do not think humans tolerate restrictive rule very well.

          2. MittBorg

            A quick search on "technological singularity" leads me to Vernor Vinge, who interests me a good deal. Thank you for the information. I shall continue to search and read, and hope to engage you further.

          3. BelleSC

            "I think that as the 'olds' die off, and stop teaching the more gullible minds of the world their failed theories, we will see a very rapid rise in various socially progressive styles of thinking and politics"

            *thinking about my cousins in south Alabama*

            From your lips to God's ears.

    2. starfanglednut

      They are idealogues, willing to sacrifice the environment, the education of our children, civil rights, anything really, to adhere to a fundamentally flawed and immoral world view.

      I had a boss who was a libertarian. We worked on a boat, taking tourists to an island. There was a woman on the island who gave out cookies to the children. Another woman who worked there suggested we make sure there were no peanut butter cookies in case of allergies. My boss started ranting about "personal responsibility", I guess meaning that it was the parents job to make sure there kids had no peanut butter cookies. He was literally willing to have a child go into anaphylactic shock, and quite possibly die, on our boat for the sake of his ideology, not even seeing the absurdity of this position.

      1. Guppy

        For people who love talking about "responsibility," libertarians have absolutely no grasp of "liability."

        1. PhilippePetain

          That's the problem, or one of them at least; Libertarian dogma assumes perfect knowledge on the part of the parties involved in every transaction, and to them, everything is a monetary transaction.

          It's an absurd, almost religious notion amongst them.

      2. MittBorg

        I wonder if his attitude would have been different had *he* been personally affected? I find a dose of real-life hardship and suffering tends to convert these maroons tout-suite.

    3. Negropolis

      Money/power = freedom seems to be more of a authoritarian conservative thing. What defines libertarianism, for me, is an intense, personal, and all-consuming selfishness.

      It's funny, because when it comes to issues of privacy, I'm very libertarian. What I have never been able to get behind is there utter lack of compassion when it comes to society. Even many of the creatures that became us had a level of social intelligence, and compassion above that of libertarians.

  13. anniegetyerfun

    So, do you think he's still single? I've been on the look out for a flaccid nutjob for weeks now.

  14. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "you can just get me off in a different way"

    What, like dressing in a penguin costume and playing dead?

    1. glamourdammerung

      I figured "you can just get me off in a different way" meant something along the lines of "The Silence of the Lambs".

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Yeah, you'll notice that they didn't seem to be any concern about getting HER off using some sort of bonerless method. It's not that it's difficult or anything; it's just that it wasn't his concern when explaining that he can't get it up.

  15. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I can't believe you let this one get away Ms Nesnora!
    What I mean is that you should have called the FBI, there has got to be a wanted poster somewhere that features this piece of shit posing as a human.

  16. Sharkey

    "I went on a date with a Libertarian and all I got was this lousy Wonkette Comment Of The Day." -Nesnora

    Actually that's pretty cool! Probably doesn't fully make up for the psychological scarring, but it's a start, amirite?

        1. MittBorg

          Hot noogies, dood. Srsly, congrats. You did good.

          Of course, most of those are probably heartbroken, sobbing Breitards, but hey. Collateral damage, right?

  17. TribecaMike

    I wonder if that blind date ever thinks back at that night now in his padded cell and kicks himself for being such a jerkwad? More probably, the ECT treatments have wiped that memory out entirely. You screwed the pooch big time, dude.

    1. MittBorg

      Mike, I don't think you should use that phrase in connection with our, um, star of today's comment competition. Because if there's anyone who probably literally HAS screwed the pooch, it's likely to be him, dude.

      1. TribecaMike

        There was obviously no possibility of intimacies (yuck!), so my use of "screw" can only mean one thing in this context. But I almost always catch some sort of hell by posting while still somewhat sober, and I am in your debt for reminding me to always have an ice cooler filled with chilled brews at hand, or better yet shackled to my ankle.

        1. MittBorg

          Dude. We're talking Republicans. There's *always* a possibility of intimacies, regardless of consent. (Ew, I think I just grossed myself out.)

          And on that note, prosit.

          1. glamourdammerung

            Dude. We're talking Republicans. There's *always* a possibility of intimacies, regardless of consent. (Ew, I think I just grossed myself out.

            I guess that explains the whole Ayn Rand "rape by engraved invitation" creepiness.

  18. randcoolcatdaddy

    I wouldn't be too hard on this Libertarian douchebag. Reading "Atlas Shrugged" all the way through without the proper medication can do strange things to you…

  19. Tommmcattt

    I am not at all bitter about never getting COTD. Ever. Not even after 8 years of commenting. Not. Bitter. It's like you people expect me to be funny or something.

    'Gratz Nestora. Send some love to the hoi polloi now that you are a star.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      Awwwwww. You're my favorite Mr Catt and my tastes are impeccable except for a mild affinity for fart jokes.

      1. Tommmcattt

        Dude, didn't you get the memo? ALL FARTS ALL THE TIME.

        I think it is a holdover rule from the days of Layne.

        Thanks for the good word, by the way…

      1. Tommmcattt

        Oh, don't worry about me. I'm just attention whoring. Besides, there is a certian cache to being the Bob hope of Wonkette. Gives me somethng to complain about.

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    Wonkette Quote of the Day is an admirable achievement, but I don't know if going through what you did in order to achieve it is worth it. Kinda like Andy Dufresne crawling through the 500-foot sewer pipe to freedom. Ew!

  21. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

    Including your erection, apparently.

  22. ManchuCandidate

    Libertarians are special people… as in special combination of arrogance, selfishness, lack of any self awareness, social ineptness and being blessed with a world class case of Dunning Kreuger comes together in one dickbag of a package.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    I guess it goes without saying that the date did not progress to the point where you got the offer to "fuck your face off?"

    "I think I just said 'I got to go.'" = TIME'S UP!

  24. cheetojeebus

    The libertarian guy just doesn't give a shit about your beliefs.
    ooh look he can't get a hard on.
    the libertarian guy is wearing dockers. libertarian guy doesn't give a shit.
    Oh look, he's going home alone again!
    What a dumb ass.
    Oooh he's eating a snake through a hole in the bathroom wall. yuck. libertarian guy doesn't give a shit.

  25. poorgradstudent

    I'm glad you made it out of that encounter unscathed. But at least you were rewarded for it!

    A friend of mine has a bona fide, full-Paultard Libertarian co-worker, who'll seize any excuse to go on about how government regulations actually help corporations, how police and firefighters' unions have become too powerful, how people rely too much on government, etc. Then a few months back the co-worker was bragging about a letter he wrote to the city government about how nobody did anything about the college kids who moved next door to his place and threw a loud party a couple of times – even though he himself never called the cops about a noise violation.

    Needless to say, my friend didn't point out the teeny, tiny inconsistency there out of fear of just encouraging him to rant further.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      The ones I hate are the ones with government jobs. I worked for the State of Washington until 1997 and knew a couple of Libertarian types who were completely insufferable. When I left for the private sector I told the company I was working for about one of them, who, although he was a real asshole, really knew a lot about e-mail systems, and they tried to recruit him as an engineer. No luck.

      Flash forward 10 years, the state agency I worked at outsourced their e-mail to Google and Mr. Libertarian dude got his ass laid off. He was still working for the state and I realized that it was because he was a fucking loser. He couldn't have hacked the pace in the private sector.

      1. MittBorg

        Most of the ones I know seem to have some mental issues. Anger management, impulse control. They're like teenagers who have never quite made it past a certain stage in their development.

  26. Wile E. Quixote

    I was a teenage Libertarian. My path to a cure started when I was bitching about how lazy people on welfare were, this at the tender age of 18, and my old man told me that I was full of shit since he was paying for my room and board at college and my tuition. What I did next completely disqualified me from being a Libertarian a Republican or any kind of conservative for the rest of my life, I realized that I was full of shit and went out and got a job and started paying for school myself. The correct Libertarian/Republican/Conservative response would have been to keep my mouth shut around the old man and leach off him for three or four more years.

    1. TribecaMike

      For some obscure reason, that reminds me of the Henny Youngman joke, "I'd like to thank my father for coming." (snare drum badaboom)

      For some even more obscure reason, it also reminds of the day over thirty years ago, when I was down and out and was having a hard time finding a good job and was playing the full whiny monte, and my African-American wife looked me straight in the eye and in the nicest way said, "Look, you're a young white guy in the prime of your life — what the hell do you have to complain about?"

      A nanosecond later, I awoke in a different dimension. And to this day, I blame Einstein for that introduction to adulthood. But that's another story.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        A nanosecond later, I awoke in a different dimension. And to this day, I blame Einstein for that introduction to adulthood. But that's another story.

        Good thing it was Einstein and not Erwin Schrödinger. Schrödinger would have sent you to another dimension and killed your cat too.

        1. TribecaMike

          LOL Loved your original comment. And my cat's been dead for years. He had a good long life, no thanks to That Guy From Ulm Who Must Not Be Named.

  27. Blueb4sunrise

    This sounds like the scene from The Facebook movie where Facebook Dude is ridiculing his [soon to be ex] girlfriend for needing to study at BC.

  28. Guppy

    today’s brilliant and wonderful and insightful and just plain fuckin’ terrific post

    Yes, and who wrote that one again?

    Glad to see you finally have your role in the proper perspective, O Wise and Benevolent Editrix.

  29. Antispandex

    “ I just…left. I couldn’t handle it all at once. I think I just said “I got to go.” and just fucking walked out. “

    Which is a well known lesbian code, that any knowledgable Libertarian male at once translates as, " What a cunt, she must be a carpet muncher ". It's also why we have no fear that the movement will survive…because, you know, Darwinism.

  30. chascates

    So much for the idea that libertarians are just republicans who smoke pot. They're way crazier.

  31. valthemus

    "… a coked-out, over-tan ken doll riding a leaking waverunner while laughing an swinging a dead cat by the tail, screaming 'NO TAXES'."

    Another tasty image begging to be brought to life on canvass. No acrylics here… definitely go for the oil paints.

  32. Steverino247

    Whenever I note a bunch of Paultards filling up a comment thread someplace, I always chime in about how "Dr. Paul" uses their contributions to pay his family six figure incomes to be his campaign workers in a Congressional district he can't lose. They shut up really quickly after that for some reason.

    1. Designer_Radio

      Wonky libertarian nerds shut up? Or did you just leave the site before they could post their 20 paragraph responses on why it's perfectly acceptable (according to libertarian scripture) for Dr.EyeWigs to turn his family into a bunch of Cadillac drivin' Welfare Queens?

    1. glamourdammerung

      Aspergers implies a high level of skill in some area. Though I guess maybe pot-growing/meth labs might count.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        Yeah, most Libertarian types are fuckups with a bad case of Dunning-Krueger. Notable examples are Nick "Fonzie of Freedom" Gillespie, the editor of Reason magazine who has a PhD in English from a state university and who doesn't have the skills to be night manager at a McDonalds, Megan McArdle (dig up McArdle's rant from the Atlantic about how it was the Post Office's fault that she mailed her wedding invitations late, it's a hoot) and anyone who is working at the Ayn Rand institute. The only thing that most Libertarians are skilled at is sucking off the rich and affecting an entirely undeserved, by any objective metric, air of superiority.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          Some of us with PhD's in English from state universities just might take exception to your insinuation, good sir.

          1. Wile E. Quixote

            Hey, I'm OK with the PhD from a state school as long as you don't then turn around and spend a lot of time writing about how fucked up and parasitic the government is, and, while doing so, dress like an aging rent boy.

          2. Doktor Zoom

            D'oh! Yeah, I totally missed the irony there–chalk it up to my own feelings of insecurity as the former spouse of an Oberlin grad, who never made a big thing out of her academic pedigree, but next to whom I always felt like Li'l Abner in a badly-patched Sunday-go-to-meetin' suit.

          3. Wile E. Quixote

            You might also be able to tell, from my tendency to write run-on sentences (and abuse of the parenthetical phrase) that I do not have a degree in English, PhD or otherwise, from a state university.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      I think that's unfair. Not everyone who has Asperger's syndrome is a complete asswipe.

    3. Designer_Radio

      Is this like when we were supposed to prove that Glenn Beck didn't rape and kill and rape again that young girl? Cuz it's impossible to prove he didn't do that.

    4. MosesInvests

      Aspies are usually quite aware that they're socially inept, and most make at least a minimal effort to try to learn to read social cues that come naturally to the rest of us. Glibertarians are blissfully unaware that they're complete assholes.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Almost…it's more the case that Libertarians are quite sure that the only reason others see them as assholes is that the others are sheeple who are too stupid to think for themselves and see the obvious genius of libertarianism.

  33. glamourdammerung

    But this seems to imply that Libertarians are pretty much solely motivated by spite, just like Republicans. But that can not be since that was simply mean Libertarians were Republicans trying to "re-brand" after the many, many failures of the Republican party and all the Libertarians I have had the "pleasure" of meeting insist otherwise (in between bragging about how ethics are for the proles).

    1. TribecaMike

      Three kinds of libertarians I can off-handedly recall meeting:

      A) the hippyish ones you never hear about in the press, and who prefer to keep it that way. They more about yurts than the Mongols ever did;

      B) the go-getter small business owner/wannabe con artist who doesn't like paying property taxes nor for the lesser races' schooling;

      C) the seemingly and show-offy wealthy ones, invariably involved in real estate development of some sort, own the biggest and ugliest McMansions in town, and who are usually secretly heavily in debt because of their own bad business decisions, but it's all the fault of the commie liberals, and anyway they have cronies in local and state politics who do them favors.

      I'm sure I've met others of the species, but generally they're a forgettable lot. It's the ones on the level of the Koch's and the Art Popes you really gotta watch out for. They're in it for the long haul and they've got the money and influence to get them there.

  34. ttommyunger

    I always suspected women had a rough time of it, but this story…..hard to wrap my head around that much assholery.

  35. subsum

    Can't get a hard-on… typical of these fuckers. The fact that their dicks don't work makes them go nuts because they know us liberals have no problem in that department (that's cuz we ain't got no problem with sex, beotchez!) and that's why they hate us.

  36. owhatever

    Oh, Nesnora
    Oh, Nesnora
    Oh, Nesnora
    They oughtta make more of you.

    Late last night at the bar they did some changin'
    And I stood watching as she started rearrangin'
    A Lib came up said, gimme some head,
    She cut off his balls, and now he's dead,
    On, Nesnora, they oughtta make more of you.

  37. Billmatic

    Jeez, nesnora. I was just kidding. I went home and listened to the Smiths and cried myself to sleep after that date. Thanks for the painful memories and bringing it up on the internet.

    1. Billmatic

      Sweetness
      Sweetness I was only joking when I said that I'd like to smash every cat in my neighborhood
      Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said you by rights you should be burned alive you liberal puke

      Now I know how Joan of Arc felt.

  38. Doktor Zoom

    This is Just to Say

    By Ayn Carlos Paul

    I have eaten
    the cats
    that were in
    the neighbor's yard

    and we
    should probably
    be paving
    the Middle East

    Forgive me
    I'm just a fascist
    so limp
    and so cold

  39. SayItWithWookies

    Nice. And Nesnora, I hope the next time you have a blind date with a Libertarian you drink him under the table, then stand over his drunk ass as you tell him that Libertarianism is a completely vapid ideology that was created by a woman on Medicare and whose most visible proponent gets shitloads of federal money for his district. Then leave him with the bill, but not before you make sure he leaves a 100% tip for making the bartender listen to his self-serving bullshit.

  40. Negropolis

    Morbid curiosity wanted me to ask if it has something to do with dead cats and Reagen, but I left it at that.

    ROTFLMAO! Honestly, I don't have anything else to add; that was hilarious.

  41. Wile E. Quixote

    And no discussion of Libertarians would be complete without a link to John Scaizi's classic article I Hate Your Politics. Scalzi also wrote this classic line:

    I really don’t know what you do about the “taxes are theft” crowd, except possibly enter a gambling pool regarding just how long after their no-tax utopia comes true that their generally white, generally entitled, generally soft and pudgy asses are turned into thin strips of Objectivist Jerky by the sort of pitiless sociopath who is actually prepped and ready to live in the world that logically follows these people’s fondest desires. Sorry, guys. I know you all thought you were going to be one of those paying a nickel for your cigarettes in Galt Gulch. That’ll be a fine last thought for you as the starving remnants of the society of takers closes in with their flensing tools.

    in a 2010 article on taxes. His article on what he thinks about Atlas Shrugged is also worth reading.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      … and I also started my own company. Both of these things, and other financial events, caused me to look at my tax profile and go, oh, man, I am so very over my head right now. Bear in mind that I said this when I had written a book on finance, and when I was currently writing a finance newsletter for AOL, and also working as a consultant for a number of financial services companies. I was not exactly innumerate. But then maybe that was the thing: I knew enough to know I didn’t know nearly enough.

      Dunning–Kruger proving correct once again. Those with knowledge understand when they need a hand.

      incidentally, how did you do that nifty quote effect?

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        The nifty quote effect is generated by using the blockquote tag with < > signs instead of [ ] brackets. I realize from reading your post that I misspelled "Dunning-Kruger" earlier. That's not ironic, that's just plain dumb.

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          Oh, we all knew what you meant. Content over form and all that; spelling as a measure of intelligence is overrated by people whose arguments need to be validated by yelling "LOLZ YOU CANT EVEN SPELL SESQUIPEDALIAN!" and so on.

  42. Mumbletypeg

    Nesnora, if you're not glowing with pride yet — *regards the "99p" by the username — your pee score should achieve that golden hue when you break the three-digit ceiling as a result of this post. Well done.

  43. bobbert

    Speaking of libertarians, is it just me, or is the Wonkosphere suffering a dearth of potentially illuminating or embarrassing cell-phone pics from the Detroit Drinky Thing and the putative NRN Drinky Thing?

    A smattering of comments suggests that these events actually happened, but the vast audience of information-starved Wonkers (well, I suppose, that might just be me) wants all the degenerate details.

    Is this on some socialized media? 'Cause then, I'm SOL.

  44. anniegetyerfun

    I'm completely comfortable with Libertarians, as long as actually accept that their form of government is sociopathic and they don't try to mess with the details to adopt whatever rules suit their own personal fancy. My former coworker (Paultard) and I got on splendidly when we talked about politics, except for one topic: abortion. It was his stance (and many other Paultards') that the government is in place only to protect private property.

    Fine. That's fine. If that's how you want to define role of government, that's great. It's heartless and does nothing for the disenfranchised, but hey, if you think that that is how you will force the poors to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, OK then.

    But then you can't call abortion "murder", because if anything was EVER private property, it's this parasite that is currently sucking my will to live out via my uterine wall; and I have the right to do with my private property as I will. If the government can't force you to vaccinate your kids, then it sure as fuck can't force you to birth them, either.

    You can't have it both ways. Either the government is here only to protect private property; or it's more than that, and has a more benevolent role to play in society. But if government IS more than that, then you can't argue that it's bad to help the destitute using government funds.

    I have yet to meet a Libertarian who is like "Gut the government! I won't pay taxes! Do away with the UN! Gay marriage is just fine with me, because no one should be forced to bow to anyone else's religious dogma! Have all the abortions you want – none of my fucking business!" I'm not saying that these people don't exist – I just haven't come across one yet.

    1. bobbert

      Another thing they tend to lose track of is that if, for example, a libertarian businessperson in an idealized libertarian society declines to serve an "other" because of the other's otherness, and the other responds by nuking the businessperson's place of business; he or she, or his or her heirs, will be shit out of luck, because there will never be such a thing as "insurance" in a libertarian paradise (too risky, can't make a profit on it).

      BTW, how is the parasite doing? IIRC, you should be entering the period of time where it's becoming bloody uncomfortable, but there is still a long way to go.

      Take heart. There's more than a decade before it becomes a teenager.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Parasite is doing OK, thank you for asking. I'm still not at the uncomfortable stage – I think that will be coming in the next month. I'm just at the "incredibly tired" stage, which I'm told is to last at least another 20 years or so.

  45. Barb

    To the new member who created the name "Lube" and changed it to "LouBarb", grow some funk of your own, amigo. You changed your name to reflect my name, changed away from it and came back to it.

    Your profile leads to the Patriot Depot, the site that sells Breitbart tchotchkes. You say that your name is "LouBarb", rhymes with "rhubarb" in a response by you. My response to you rhymes with "kiss my ass" No, actually, that is not a rhyme, it's what I want you to do, seriously.

    If you want to come here and say something you should just do it. You chose to link your name to mine, as many other people did as a show of support to my daughter, who is about to deliver a baby.

    My daughter, a sweet a shy girl, has a degree in elementary education and American sign language. She used to teach deaf children in a private school before she became a pediatric nurse who specializes in only foster care children. Yes, my Christine cleans up the little battered children after they are taken away from abusive parents.

    Christine used fertility methods to have her first child, a very small, almost a dwarf child before she had a baby die and now she has a baby with an underdeveloped aorta, who has yet to be born.

    The people here who added "Barb" to their names did it as a show of support to my daughter. You are using it to advance your shittified agenda. You don't get to use MY name to do anything. Use your own name, use your own thoughts, use your own arguments, use your own vision to promote anything you believe in, just don't use my name to do ANYTHING.

    Would Andrew approve of this, had he not died? Was THIS is message? Don't ride on my coattails, Sporto. Be a man, or a woman. Be anything you want, just don't link your name to mine to try to be noticed. My real name is Barbara, and I don't have to latch on to other people to be noticed.

      1. Barb

        Breitbart is about to get more Spam that Hawaii if his little toadies don't hop back to the toadie farm and stop using my name to post on this website.

        Why use my name to try to "pass?" Derp, derp, derp, (anything-Barb) I am going to sell crap on Patriot Depot because I had "Barb" in my name.

        Gosh, I USED to hate Breitbart, but now that I've seen this shittified merchandise from a member with 3 posts and has "Barb" in their name I will cough up $$$.

        It all makes sense to me now!

        Five days until vacation. Must…hold…on…until…then.

    1. bobbert

      Barb, the best thing to do with trolls is ignore them. I know that's hard (and I've certainly wasted plenty of electrons trying to argue with 'em, usually when I'm a bit likkered up). But ultimately, it's a waste of time. This is a realization I come to about once a week. ;>)

      Turning to the subject of grandbarbies, if Mina manages to stall things for another couple of weeks, does that allow her aorta to improve, or is it emergency surgery no matter what? Please forgive me, and ignore it, if this is too invasive a question.

      BTW, although my avatar hasn't changed recently, my screenname has. I was formerly George Spelvin / Skullfry, and before my self-immolation, ShaveTheWhales. One of the reasons I changed from George was that I couldn't figure out how to properly incorporate "Barb" in to the nym. Now, I can see two easy possibilities, but I think I'll just leave it implied.

      Best wishes to you and your growing family tree.

      1. Barb

        Thanks, Sweetie.

        Yes, the longer Mina bakes the better she will be.

        While Chrissy went to college, super sweet girl she is, she was the assistant manager of the Hallmark store near my house. She knows every holiday and she is big on all of them. This woman is in constant pain and all she can think about is having her baby on her wedding anniversary on Wednesday or saving the delivery for Father's Day on Sunday.

        I don't understand how something and someone so sweet as Chrissy could be a product of mine. I bond with Victoria, and the way she is so evil. When Vic was born I didn't count her fingers or toes. I stared at her until I could see that she could arch an eyebrow and then I knew she was "normal"

        "GrandBarbies" I like it! I haven't slept in 4 nights. Now I have to go to sleep just to see what GrandBarbies look like in my mind. Thanks!

        1. smokefilledroommate

          Get some sleep and above all, love your kids. Make sure they know that you care about them. (coming from someone that hasn't seen/talked to her father since 1985 and Mothra since 2003).

        2. scvirginia

          If your daughter is due so soon, this may not help, but there are some studies linking Omega-3 & Vitamin D3 supplementation with an increased chance of a full-term pregnancy…

          I hope you get some shut-eye soon, & please don't let the trollz get you down.

    2. redarmybarbie

      On behalf of spineless, freeloading, corpse-sucking cowards who can't take responsibility for themselves, I'd like to apologi-actually, no, they can go fuck themselves with a curling iron.

      How is your daughter holding up? Let her know she is in our (very genuine) thoughts, will ya? I won't have it be said we Wonketeers don't care for our Barb and her family (we loves ya hon)!

      And unfortunately, I have a feeling that Breitbart was exactly the sort of slimeball who'd approve of the dirtbag cowardice these fuckheads are pulling. The man had no decency in life, I don't think he would have any in death either. (sorry if I'm swearing excessively, by the by. I'm suffering a terrible bout of insomnia myself at the moment as well…)

  46. Wile E. Quixote

    Oh, and Nesnora, I have to say that this beats my "worst date, ever" story hands down.

  47. extreme_left

    as for the other way 'the nurse and glove love' scene from 'Road trip' comes to mind.

  48. Wile E. Quixote

    I think that if anyone ever wrote a Libertarian version of 1984 the O'Brien character would tell Winston "If you want a picture of the future, imagine an angry, maladjusted teenager yelling 'you're not the boss of me', forever."

  49. bobbert

    Seriously OT, but this cat was hella boxer

    I am not, generally, a boxing fan, but I was mesmerized during three Olympics watching Teofilo Stevenson. So were his opponents. The guy stalked around the ring with his right hand cocked, jabbing with his left. If the opponent never countered the jabs, he'd lose on points. What more often happened was that the opponent did, sooner or later, counter, get slightly out of position, and get KO'd by the hammer of Teofilo.

    What fascinated me was that all the other guys KNEW that they were either going to get out-pointed or knocked out. You could see it in their body language. And they all chose KO. Boxers, eh?

    FWIW, IMO, Ali would have beaten him.

  50. smokefilledroommate

    I had a date like that once. (Once). — He rolled his eyes and told me that feminists weren't going to change anything–all the books I read were stupid and cringeworthy, (why was I reading all this garbage and not fucking Him?! He was some misogynist Navy guy… In the Navy!) He set up another 'date' at a well-known Philly shit bar of which I was a frequent patron– McGlinchey's (perhaps he was intrigued as to why he repulsed me). I came in alone, expecting to see him alone and sat at the end of the bar. I could see him quite clearly as he entered with his douchebag insecurity posse (DIP). He avoided all eye contact, having so much fun with his 'friends' while I sat there alone staring at him. (I guess I was young and gullible–perhaps I just wanted another debate. Wasn't 1991 the year of the woman according to some stupid magazine?) After awhile, a few of my friends came in and I explained the entire situation. Choice words were exchanged as he uh, "left the bar".*

    *no douchebags, jerkoffs or members of DIP were injured save for perhaps their pride

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Lungs on an LA sidewalk? That's nothing. I left my heart in San Francisco.

      Los Angeles County Sheriff's Sergeant Pauline Panis…said it was the first time she was aware of a pair of lungs being recovered from the streets of Los Angeles.

      "It's getting weirder," she said.

      Hunter S Thompson was right. The Weird are turning pro.

      1. C_R_Eature

        …and I've got to get my Ass back to Sunset Boulevard!

        Turns out they're not Human Lungs, but it's still Weird. I agree there seems to be a lot more Professional Weirdness around now than I ever remember. Hunter sure was a visionary, of some things.

        He also said: "In a Nation of Swine, all Pigs are Upwardly Mobile."

  51. Dr_pangloss

    He probably just needs you to take him over your knee and give him a good spank. Libertarians of that variety just want to be Mommied and then punished for misbehaving. It's really just as common as conservatives into diaper play and fascists into cross dressing. (Not that all people into age play or crossdressing are consevatives or fascists).

  52. glasspusher

    Aaron: He must have been great looking, right?
    Jane: Why do you say that?
    Aaron: Because nobody invites a bad looking idiot to their hotel room.

    -Broadcast News

  53. rickmaci

    Has anyone ever actually seen a Looneytarian female? Is there such a thing? Are they hiding in the bathroom behind a locked door with a gun waiting for the asshat to leave, tied up in the basement, extinct? What gives?

  54. UnholyMoses

    Hey now — that was a response to MY comment, so I should get some love for inspirational comment of the day. Or … something.

    **crosses arm, raises an eyebrow, taps foot**

Comments are closed.