PAPA CAN YOU HEAR ME  4:58 pm June 11, 2012

Jewish Support For Obama Drops From Superdupermajority To Mere Supermajority

by Josh Fruhlinger

Hopefully he still has her support!It looks like the Jews have turned their back on yet another messiah! The Tribe was widely believed to be the last white people to like Barack Obama even a little, but a shocking new poll has revealed that even this tribe of notorious liberal communists have abandoned Barry to his fate. It now seems that Obama is leading Romney only by 35 points among Jewish voters! Is his bid for another term as ruler of the ancient Kingdom of Judah in trouble? Will the House of Saul finally reunite the divided Kingdoms? And how can we wedge a reference to Mormonism into this poll for no good reason?

The Hill reports on Obama’s shocking 10 percentage point drop among voters of the Hebraic persuasion in the latest Gallup poll, with only 64 percent saying they’d vote for him now, as opposed to the 74 percent who actually voted for him 2008. This is a proportionally larger drop than Obama’s decline in popularity among voters overall, though he still wouldn’t be worried if Jews had their own electoral votes. The Hill then speculates wildly about why this drop happened — because Romney is close personal friends with Bibi Netanyahu, maybe? — without backing it up with, like, evidence or anything.

The same poll also sampled Mormon voters, on the logic that both Mormons and Jews belong to religions that have been grudgingly accepted into the mainstream by most people in the last 75 years, and finds that a whole 84 percent of them would vote for Romney, but only 77 percent of them will definitely vote, as opposed to 83 percent of Jews. We challenge you to derive something useful from that math, but it makes our head hurt. Anyway, this parallelism between Jewish and Mormon attitudes would probably be really interesting and illuminating if Barack Obama were Jewish. [The Hill]

 
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{ 224 comments }

Barb June 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Obama’s shocking 10 percentage point drop among voters of the Hebraic persuasion in the latest Gallup poll……..
Wait until he drops to 50% off and the Jews will snatch him up.

elviouslyqueer June 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm

50%? Feh. I can get him for 75% off at Loehmann's.

Barb June 11, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Where the hell have you been? I've missed you.
Elvis, you never write, you never call.

elviouslyqueer June 11, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Sorry honey! Part of teh suck with being gainfully employed is that they've been making me do some actual WORK. The heartless bastards.

Barb June 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I'm just glad that you are here with me now.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm

You want I can get you 85? I know a guy in the trade.

Chichikovovich June 11, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Ditto what Barb said. Whenever you're away for awhile I worry you'll return as Vegas Elvis.

elviouslyqueer June 11, 2012 at 5:39 pm

You mean "Fat Jumpsuit Elvis"? Ptui! Ptui!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm

The problem is that you can't buy Obama wholesale.

Dashboard Buddha June 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I am in awe…how do you manage to stay so consistently awesome?

Barb June 11, 2012 at 6:29 pm

That is so sweet, Dashboard. My face is gonna be so red if you aren't talking to me, lol. I have the worst time following which arrow goes to which comment.

Limeylizzie June 11, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Of course he's talking to you, sister mine.

Barb June 11, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Love ya, Sis!

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Barb, that is absolutely awful. Nice work.

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Daddy, why did God make Gentiles?-Well, son, *someone* has to buy retail.

Negropolis June 12, 2012 at 2:00 am

Oh, youse is bad, Barb. So very bad in the best of ways.

nounverb911 June 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'm still voting for O'bama.

anniegetyerfun June 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm

He wins the Irish vote!

weejee June 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm

IRA or Provos?

Negropolis June 12, 2012 at 2:01 am

Yes.

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Barry O'Bama, the black Irish wunderkind from Chicago.

elviouslyqueer June 11, 2012 at 5:23 pm

He should change his name to Baruch Oybama. Problem solved!

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Hm, maybe Obamawitz.

finallyhappy June 11, 2012 at 6:44 pm

That was my joke- a long time ago- Baruch Chusan Obamawitz

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Well, that particular problem solved, but think of all the expense of getting new bumper stickers printed.

Negropolis June 12, 2012 at 2:02 am

Indeed. Barry O'Bamaugh '12!

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Someone ought to remind the Jews that Mormons don't like them much.

valgal2342 June 11, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Maybe they secretly want to be baptized into the Mormon faith after they die so they can go check out that groovy new galactic hotspot Kolob.

Jus_Wonderin June 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Kolob sounds like something that assists lonely people with sexytime.

Generation[redacted] June 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm

If the Mormons baptize all the Jews, will they go to the same Mormon heaven as Hitler?

mormos June 11, 2012 at 6:04 pm

HAHAHA, yes

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:15 pm

OMFG. I hadn't even thought of that.

But then I don't believe in heaven.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Mormonism is actually quite philo-semitic.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Yea, once you get past the whole "baptizing dead Jews" thing. It's not that they're philo-Semitic so much as they recognize two things: one, they were persecuted in a manner similar to Jews/Mormons and two, Mormons skip the whole "Jesus" thing, preferring to believe themselves as direct descendants of the twelve tribes.

Most Jews aren't up to speed on this, but the implications beyond traditional "Mormon good" thinking become pretty apparent that the Mormons still believe they are a superior breed of Jew

A "master race" if you will

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Jews also consider themselves the "chosen people", so cut it with the "master race" stuff. And baptizing "dead Jews" isn't anti-semitic either.

poorgradstudent June 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm

"And baptizing 'dead Jews' isn't anti-semitic either."

Yes, why would anyone interpret negating their very identity without their consent as "anti-Semitic"? Meanies.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Why don't we let *Jews* decide that question? They haven't expressed any joy over it so far. They have, however, expressed firmly that they wish the MorMorons would fucking quit doing it. Which would sort of tend to incline me to lean towards believing that they might possibly interpret it as, you know, anti-Semitic.

Ducksworthy June 11, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I think you maybe meant PseudoSemitic. That's the language the tablets were in, or anyway what the hat translated them into.

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Nope. Reformed Egyptian.

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm

They like the idea of Judaism more than they like the actual Jews.

Generation[redacted] June 11, 2012 at 6:11 pm

That's okay. I like the idea of Judaism more than I like matza and fasting.

finallyhappy June 11, 2012 at 6:48 pm

yeah but what about matzo balls and lokshen kugel- with raisins!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Well, see, *Jews* are the originators and original practitioners of Judaism, and if there's any fine point of Judaic theology that needs to be argued, it is Jews who will decide it regardless of what anyone else might think, which is as it should be.

This does not sit well with those Xtians (and MorMorons would definitely number among these) who see themselves as heir to Judaic wisdom, laws, and religion. Much better to, as it were, claim adherence to a dead religious tradition than to have to argue repeatedly with its contentious, independent, intelligent present-day practitioners, don'tchaknow.

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I haven't met too many Jews who need reminding that they aren't universally loved…

miss_grundy June 11, 2012 at 8:29 pm

And if they die, they will be baptized into the Mormon faith, and who knows where they will end up then? Like the Repubs did anything to bring peace to the Middle East. People can be such ingrates.

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Utah-the only place in the world where I'm a Gentile. Feh.

nounverb911 June 11, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Do living relatives of dead baptized Jews count as Jews or Mormons?

Schmannnity June 11, 2012 at 5:24 pm

It depends if the mother or the father was posthumously baptized.

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I dunno- Mormon Mishpocha just doesn't sound right…

Ducksworthy June 11, 2012 at 5:02 pm

"on the logic that both Mormons and Jews belong to religions that have been grudgingly accepted into the mainstream" Sorry, you seem to have forgotten that Mormons are descended from the Lost Tribes of Israel and are therefore Jews themselves. Only they're Jews from Kolob.

anniegetyerfun June 11, 2012 at 5:07 pm

How many Mormons were writers for Battlestar Galactica, anyway?

Ducksworthy June 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm

All of them, Katie. Anyone who believes what is in the Book of Mormon is contributing to bad science fiction.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Here's what gets me: almost ANY science fiction you have ever/will ever read is probably inherently more belief-worthy, you know, believable, than the bunch of hokum those dumbshits cooked up. I cannot believe they got grown reasonably intelligent people to fall for this shit.

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Joe Smith must have had some fucking serious charisma.

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Bruce Sterling, ftw.

SoBeach June 11, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Anyway, this parallelism between Jewish and Mormon attitudes would probably be really interesting and illuminating if Barack Obama were Jewish.

He's already Muslim and a Hate-Whitey Christian. Can't he be a Jew, too?

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 5:27 pm

No, you can only be an adherent to two of the three Abrahamic faiths, so in order for President Obama to become a self-hating J-street Jew, the kind that Charles Krauhammer writes blistering columns about, he'd have to drop either the Amercia-Hatin' Islam or the Whitey-Hatin' Christianity.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Yes, but he's BARACK OBAMA, dude. He can do ANYthing!

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Ah, but he's a Hafrican't, so the the part that can't jump can be Jewish, the part that was editor of the HLR can be the Amurka-hatin' Muslin, and the part that tucks Mooshelle can hate Whitey.

finallyhappy June 11, 2012 at 6:49 pm

He is a Jew- but as we control everything- you people have no way of knowing the truth

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 7:30 pm

LIZARD PEPPL LIBEL!!111!!!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I knew you guys were behind it.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 11, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Jews, do not listen to the Christians. Treat them like the filthy goyim they are.

edgydrifter June 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm

My Jewish girlfriend once showed me a book describing the differences between Jews and gentiles. One of the entries said chocolate sundaes where Jewish but hot fudge sundaes were totally goy, and I thought "damn, I really do prefer hot fudge–guess I won't be converting after all."

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Giving up bacon is the deal-breaker for me.

weejee June 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Never stopped any of my Jewish friends. It's often like Catholics and the pill.

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I dunno- show 'em that photo of Michele Bachmann & they might finally start abstaining?

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I was just fondly remembering a dear Muslim friend who LOVES ham sandwiches with a passion. LOVES 'em.

miss_grundy June 11, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Giving up any product from the piggy……

Ducksworthy June 11, 2012 at 5:32 pm

The real question here is Was the girlfriend hot? As I recall from my youth Jewish girls were somewhere near Catholic girls on the hotness meter. Of course, those were Reform Jews so…..

edgydrifter June 11, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Was she hot? Yes–she had that kickass naturally spiral-curled hair and radiant skin. And she was smart. And really nice. Definitely conversion-worthy. She was even better than bacon.

finallyhappy June 11, 2012 at 6:50 pm

totally untrue- now mayo on a burger- GOYISH!!!

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Mayo on a burger is fine-don't be a Northeastern snob. Now, corned beef on white bread with mayo, lettuce and tomato? Definitely Goyish.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 11, 2012 at 5:04 pm

This race will come down to the Zoroasterian vote.

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I would have guessed the Sikhs, but they're all held up in airport security…

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Or too busy pretending to run SC while actually courting the Veep nom…

doloras June 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Iran has a seat reserved for Zoroastrians in the legislature. Trufax. They're the fourth officially permitted religion, behind Islam, Christianity and Judaism, the latter of which also have their own reserved seats. If you're a Bahá'i, though, you're screwed.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub June 11, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Obummer won't let me leave my dead relatives' corpses to rot in the sun so vultures can pick at them. Whatever happened to my religious freedomz!?

nounverb911 June 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Do they still serve bagels and lox with mayonnaise in Salt Lick City?

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Gak!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Srsly. I gak right along with you.

Chichikovovich June 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Well, since the upcoming Santorum convention crusade promises to deliver speeches that make Pat Buchanan's "culture war" speech sound like "Kumbaya", I have a feeling that those numbers might be heading back up to 74%+ soon.

As a Jewish friend of mine is fond of saying, "Whenever mass movements start making a distinction among citizens, between the ones that are "real" and the ones that aren't, the Jews know what category they will end up in, sooner or later, whatever is being said now."

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Except for the handful who write blog posts and New Republic articles calling Arabs subhumans. (Go ahead, point out the homophobia in the black community's eye…)

qwerty42 June 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Martin Peretz is still writing for TNR? I thought he was, you know, senile?

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 5:43 pm

You say that like it'd stop TNR from publishing him…

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 10:06 pm

sullivanst stole my comment four hours before I could post it. I has a sad.

mormos June 11, 2012 at 6:08 pm

nope, 36 point swing in favor of gay marriage in the black community after Barry and the NAACP came out for it (pun intended).

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I wish I could remember which Esteemed Commenter said it: "The moral cock of the universe is long, but it bends toward buttsex."

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I remember that! It was brilliant.

COTY.

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 6:13 pm

You're forgetting to include Louis Farrakhan and black anti-semitism.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I wish I could!

Designer_Radio June 12, 2012 at 12:14 am

I like your blog. I don't get it all since I'm not a jazz aficionado, but great idea and execution.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

Thanks, glad you got some yucks! (It's actually best read from the bottom of the page up.)

Designer_Radio June 12, 2012 at 10:46 am

I actually checked it out months ago and kept forgetting to tell you how much fun it is. I believe I subscribed to it, so keep the yucks coming when inspiration strikes!

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I have a feeling that those numbers might be heading back up to 74%+ soon.

Well, given Gallup quotes their margin of error at +/- 5%, they may not have far to go.

Especially when you consider that Gallup's description of what they actually did (extracting subsamples from over 5 months' worth of tracking poll data) is a rather questionable polling practice. I very much doubt Nate Silver approves.

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Israel: like a Reservation, but for Jews!

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Didn't you get the memo from Frank Luntz? "Reservation" is out and has been replaced by "ethnically themed gated community".

Negropolis June 12, 2012 at 2:11 am

You're going to kill me for this, but the Reservations for the Palestinians are uber-exclusive.

Tundra Grifter June 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Was that the Convention where Buchanan threw out the first immigrant?

DerrickWildcat June 11, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Black Jews (Whoopi Goldberg) are still 100% for Obama.

emmelemm June 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm

If only Sammy Davis Jr. was alive…

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 3:23 am

Did y'all know that Michelle Obama has a cousin who is a rabbi? http://bit.ly/LUK2fK

anniegetyerfun June 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'd ask about the Hispanic vote, but I guess you said that we were talking about people who have been accepted (albeit grudgingly) by real murkins.

miss_grundy June 11, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Sorry, but Latinos/Hispanics are labeled as "terrorists" by the Repubs, but there are plenty of Cubans, including a relative of mine, who stupidly vote for those people. And he thinks I'm crazy. By the way, that relative is a schmuck.

edgydrifter June 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Obama still enjoys 100% support among imaginary crypto-Muslim, vast-global-Manchurian-candidate-conspiracy, Kenyan Alinskyites.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 10:08 pm

A vast demographic, to be sure.

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:49 pm

DIVISION BY ZERO ERROR

YouBetcha June 11, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I can't form an opinion on this until I've heard from Orly Taitz.

gullywompr June 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm

What's not to like?

elburritodeluxe June 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Obama has supported Israel militarily, diplomatically and economically, but asked whether it should continue seizing land from the people who live on its periphery. Therefore Obama=Hitler+Stalin. He is the greatest threat to Jews in History.

coolhandnuke June 11, 2012 at 5:13 pm

It might just come down to the circumcised voter vs the magic underpants voter.

Dashboard Buddha June 11, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Or, as I like to call…Blood on the Boxers.

Chichikovovich June 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Are we sure that the Jewish voters who aren't voting for Obama will vote for Romney? What about all the people who will write in Pat Buchanan?

Doktor Zoom June 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Butterfly ballots are free

Callyson June 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Roughly two percent of Americans identify their religious faith as Mormon, and another two percent claim to be Jewish.

83% of two percent is more than 77% of two percent. Boo yeah!

(Sorry, studying too hard for accounting finals next week…)

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Just remember: everything should balance.

Unless it shouldn't

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm

How very useful of The Hill to provide a link to the survey.

Oh wait, they didn't.

How very useful of The Hill to provide margins of error.

Oh wait, they didn't.

How very useful of The Hill to provide sample sizes of the subgroups.

Oh wait, they didn't.

How very annoying it would've been of The Hill to commit grotesque poll-reading malpractice in pursuit of yellow journalism.

Oh wait, that's exactly what the ratfuckers did.

SorosBot June 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Every Democratic presidential candidate has a "Jewish problem", according to the media, even though the facts always prove that to not be true; because the media seems to think that all American Jewish people vote solely on who most supports brutal atrocities by the Israeli government against Palestinians that most actually object to.

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Yeah, this is one of those stories that the press likes to trot out every once in a while, probably because most journalists spend their time hanging out with Likudzis like Jennifer Rubin, Marty Peretz and Charles Krauthammer, all of whom think that brutal atrocities by the Israeli government against Palestinians are just peachy-keen and all of whom hope, secretly, for eine Endlösung to the "Palestinian problem".

I wonder if we could start a "lazy, journalistic bullshit" monitoring project where we'd point out all of the bullshit stories like this one. the quadrennial favorite, the quest for a third party candidate who can bridge the differences between the parties and "get things done", et cetera? Just to mock the shit ouf of the dumb bastards in the media and point out how lazy and stupid they are.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Why don't we just hold down Chuck Todd and shave off his fucking goatee?

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I'm in. When we're done can we stick him in a pet carrier, strap him to the roof of the car and go on a road trip in search of Amercia?

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I'll bring a pack of cigarettes, and Mrs. Wagner's pies. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdsUPaIueUw

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm

There's no need for a project to point out which MSM stories are "lazy, jounalistic bullshit". It's all of them, Katie.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Media Matters.

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Unfortunately, these days, Media Sucks.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Well … yes, there's that, too.

WhatTheHeck June 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm

may the schwartza be with you.

SayItWithWookies June 11, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Well of course Jewish support for Obama is dropping — most Jews' ancestors are Mormon.

Schmannnity June 11, 2012 at 5:27 pm

This erosion of Jewish support is really going to make a difference in a close election in say, Montana which has such a large Jewish population.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 5:30 pm

"The Tribe was widely believed to be the last white people to like Barack Obama even a little…"

They think they're white! That's adorable.

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Well, they can't dunk, so you can understand where they're coming from.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm

You should see some of the Israeli cabinet's comments regarding their current race war against the blacks and how Israel "was for white people" if you think that was cute.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 6:27 pm

They aren't gonna fool the Greek Skinheads with those shenanigans!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 10:12 pm

It only lasts till the storm troopers show up.

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I don't know about all Jews, but any Jew who grew up in the South knows that our status is like Japanese businessmen in apartheid South Africa-"honorary White."

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Yup. It's good until somebody decides it ain't.

Negropolis June 12, 2012 at 2:16 am

Oh, they are white until…white people decide at random intervals that they aren't.

Doktor Zoom June 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm

In Utah, Jews are "gentiles."

Mind: BLOWN

mavenmaven June 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm

But who is Matisyahu supporting?

miss_grundy June 11, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Didn't he pal around with Mittens in grad school at Harvard???

coolhandnuke June 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm

The Jewish voting bloc runs very cyclical. This downtick of support happens every year during gefilte fishing season.

finallyhappy June 11, 2012 at 6:54 pm

but doesn't the gefilte population resurge after Pesach?

Blueb4sunrise June 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Obviously Barry needs to veer to the right to regain their support.

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Even as we speak Charles Krauthammer and Jennifer Rubin are writing an editorial saying that the only way Obama can shore up his support among American Jews is by nuking Tehran and then resigning from office.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Lenny Kravitz must compose and release a mediocre, ear-pollution pastiche addressing this situation!

weejee June 11, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Noteworthy suggestion Chet. Maybe a spin on Son House's Death Letter but with a Rethuglican to be named later on the coolin' slab instead of Son's sweetie.

cheetojeebus June 11, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Since Mitt is a robot and the Golem is a sort of primitive robot, is there a connection? Did 36% of the jews create Mitt?

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Can we open his head and rewrite his chem?

Tundra Grifter June 11, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Mr. Obama is accused of operating a world-wide conspiracy, he's hated because of what he is rather than who he is, his Tribe lost its homeland and his ancestors were slaughtered in the millions – are you sure he isn't Jewish?

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Don't they know Obama is a black mascot for the white and jewish bankers he's always hanging out with? That's what Cornell West said, and when a snaggle-toothed, Kool-and-the-Gang-lookin' rhyming scholar says it, I'll take it to the bank!
http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2011/05/21/re

Sassomatic June 11, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Yes, but what of the Pastafarians?

Tundra Grifter June 11, 2012 at 6:29 pm

And the Frisbeetarians (they believe that when you die your soul gets stuck on the roof)?

new_pic_for_NEWTer June 11, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Atheists for Paulsen 2012

Warpde June 11, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Uhmmm!… The Jewish people realize that they didn't get their beliefs out of a hat…right?
I've seen a rabbit come out of a hat before but never a Rabbi.
Now I'm confused.

rickmaci June 11, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Memooorrrrrreeeees, of the way we were…..

ttommyunger June 11, 2012 at 6:27 pm

First, they came for the blahs, and I said nothing.

rocktonsam June 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Mittenz does seem to know about moniez…. just saying

TribecaMike June 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Polls also show that 65% of ancient Mayans plan to vote in November, which is weird since they believe the universe will end in December.

Optimistic bunch, those ancient Mayans.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Yes, but what if the prediction turns out to be RONG?

mrblifil June 11, 2012 at 7:01 pm

That will change this summer when he grows out his dreads and starts singing about Zion.

Designer_Radio June 12, 2012 at 12:22 am

Dude, he's Kenyan, not Jamaican.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 8:42 am

That never stopped about a thousand white guys in drum circles.

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 8:18 pm

"…with only 64 percent saying they’d vote for him now, as opposed to the 74 percent who actually voted for him 2008."

Yeah, but how many said they would vote for him before the 2008 election? What kind of meshugge publicly commits ahead of time? Where's the bargaining chip there?

owhatever June 11, 2012 at 8:36 pm

The shocking decline in support for Rabbi-Seer Obama is even greater when comparing Jewish Mormons with Mormon Jews.

TribecaMike June 11, 2012 at 8:59 pm

And then there are all my Buddhist Jewish friends.

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 11:07 pm
starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 11:14 pm

TM, I think I fucked up the html in my last comment, but there is a lovely book called "The Jew in the Lotus" that you might want to check out. I see that you like to read.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Jew-Lotus-Re-Discovery-

TribecaMike June 11, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Thanks!

new_pic_for_NEWTer June 11, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Someone alert Sarah Silverman…

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Yo.

Oy.

fuflans June 11, 2012 at 10:00 pm

oh for fuck's sake.

DocChaos June 11, 2012 at 10:54 pm

The only state that is even close and has a sizable jewish vote is Florida, and even there jews made up only 4% of the electorate in 2008, so a drop of support by 10 points among Jewish voters translates into 0.4% of the Florida electorate, less than the amount that will die between now and election day.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 6:04 pm

There is nothing specifically anti-semitic about it. They do it for people of any and all non-Mormons whose names are submitted. In fact they are trying to guarantee a place in the celestial after life for them. It is not an act of hostility but, in their own quirky way, an act of charity. Most religions say one can't get to 'Heaven' or "Paradise' unless one embraced their specific religion. Mormons have 'found' a loophole to get others in.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 6:06 pm

There is nothing specifically anti-semitic about it. They do it for people of any and all non-Mormons whose names are submitted. In fact they are trying to guarantee a place in the celestial after life for them

Like Adolf Hitler. Because if there is anyone that really merited using a loophole to get into Mormon Heaven, Hitler is clearly at the top of most folks' list.

Generation[redacted] June 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Thank you for explaining. As a token of gratitude, I have placed you in the thrall of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (pasta be upon him). An endless salad bar awaits you in the afterlife.

poorgradstudent June 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm

"It is not an act of hostility"

It doesn't matter in the slightest what they think they're achieving or what their motives are, anymore than the motives of someone who thinks they're helping gay people by donating money to an ex-gay therapy group.

Maybe it's too much to call it "anti-Semitic," maybe not, but I completely disagree with the implication that just because their motives are well-meaning that there isn't something seriously fucked up about trying to change people's religions when they're dead and cannot consent.

(And yes I know according to Mormon theology they're just offering a choice, yadda yadda, but it's a perfectly valid perspective to see them as forcing an identity on Jews, something that for some strange reason Jews have a huge problem with).

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:18 pm

So, we should expect to run into Ted Bundy and his like, then?

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Yes, some moron submitted Adolf Hitler's name. Of course they approved absolutely everybody that was submitted until very, very recently so your Hitler comment is completely irrelevant. You can't criticize them for 'Hitler' and then turn around and say it is anti-semitic to do the same exact thing for Holocaust victims. You are swinging blindly in your anti-Mormonism

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm

You are swinging blindly in your anti-Mormonism

More or less than you are bending over backwards to make excuses for their bad behavior?

Because telling folks that Mormons (since after they get posthumously baptized, there genealogy records will list them as Mormons) were killed in the Holocaust instead of Jews is totally not a scummy thing to do.

finallyhappy June 11, 2012 at 6:46 pm

sorry but as a Jew-I certainly think it is anti-semitic to "convert" dead Jews. And everyone else can say it is anti-Catholic or anti-Baptist or anti- atheist when they "convert" those people. And yes, screw the Mormons.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Thank you. I will take all the help I can get. And in turn I will place you on the list of the Church of False Outrage, of course you are probably already on that list.

finallyhappy June 11, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I am a Jewish vegetarian Pastafarian- so no meatballs, please.
Ramen, my brother. However, there is no afterlife so I hope I can get a salad bar here.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm

That is not what they are trying to do by baptizing them post-mortem and you know damned well it isn't. What is sleazy is trying to make it into some sort of anti-semitic issue when it has absolutely nothing to do with anti-semitism. If it was then why do they do it for any and all non-Mormon, be they Jewish or not?

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

But the thing is that they are not claiming they weren't Jews or were persecuted because they were Mormons. In fact the Simon Wiesenthal Center's objection was based on the idea that possibly in the far off future (I believe they said 100 years) someone in the Mormon Church may try to do that. They made it clear though that no one in the LDS has though and they realize that is certainly not the intention of anyone.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 6:29 pm

That is not what they are trying to do by baptizing them post-mortem and you know damned well it isn't.

Yeah, because they totally do not update their records. Which is totally why no one ever found out the many times the Mormons have outright lied about ending the practice of baptizing folks that were murdered in the Holocaust.

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Perhaps, but it's sleazy and disrespectful to baptize anyone into a religion other than the one they chose after they are dead. It is not an act of charity, but rather monumental narcissism.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm

But it isn't anything like an "gay therapy" group because no one is being forced to do anything and no one is even being told they need to change their religion. THE PERSON IS DEAD. Their religious (or atheistic) beliefs are not suddenly nullified and no one suddenly believes that person was a practicing Mormon. No one is being forced to do anything

poorgradstudent June 11, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"no one is being forced to do anything "

Er, no one is forced to join an ex-gay group either (well, unless you're a teenager and your fundie parents are spectacular assholes…).

"THE PERSON IS DEAD"

Yes, we've established that.

So why do you think Jewish groups denounced the LDS Church for doing this? Just for kicks?

I don't belong to any particular faith (or anti-faith) tradition, but I know after I'm dead *I* wouldn't want to be up on some list saying I was baptized into the Baptist Church or the LDS Chuch or the freakin' Anti-Church of Richard Dawkins. Whether or not I'm just a corpse in the ground or a spirit traveling to different dimensions or whatever, I would still NOT be happy to know that my identity was retroactively altered or that I was subjected to some kind of postmortem recruitment where I couldn't give my consent except maybe through an ouija board.

Sure, it might not be a big deal for you, and it's not something I'm going to lose sleep over, but surely you can see why a minority religious/ethnic group – with a VERY long history of being forced to convert, of having their places of worship shut down, of having to change their names just to get jobs when they emigrated, of being told over and over that no sorry they're not the chosen people of their own God anymore – just MIGHT take issue with a Christian church rounding up their names so that they might get a chance to pitch for the REAL winning team, not their misguided, wrong-about-everything team?

Butch_Wagstaff June 11, 2012 at 7:35 pm

My zombie Baptist grandmother rose up from the grave (thanks to the powers of Jesus!) & ate the brains of a couple of young Mormon "Elders" after she was told (by Jesus, of course) that she was baptized after her death. She did it for Jesus, for zombie Reagan, & for America.
Brings a tear to my eye just knowing that she was a true patriot even in the afterlife.

poorgradstudent June 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm

You know, that would make for a pretty awesome movie…

Limeylizzie June 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Back at you, Dollface.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Liar.

“We note that these rites were undertaken and confirmed in Mormon Temples in Utah, Arizona, and Idaho. Further meetings with Church leaders on this matter are useless. The only way such insensitive practices would finally stop is if Church leaders finally decided to change their practices and policies on posthumous baptisms, a move which this latest outrage proves that they are unwilling to do. We are grateful to activist Helen Radkey for exposing the latest outrage.”

You know damned well that the Wiesenthal Center's objections is that the Mormons keep getting caught doing the very thing that they promised as an organization to stop doing on at least three separate occasions now since 1995. And then they get caught having listed Wiesenthal as ready for baptism four months ago.

So now you are pretending that the Mormons have credibility in this issue after having made promises to stop this stupidity at least three times now (and getting caught doing it anyway)? Because it is really sleazy to backpedal after getting caught in a blatant lie especially after the fake outrage over my "anti-Mormonism"/anti-hypocrisy and blatant lying.

I am sorry that the Mormons have lied repeatedly over this issue for close to twenty years now, but trying to defend it as somehow noble is stupid to the point of offensiveness.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 9:18 pm

But the thing is that they are not claiming they weren't Jews or were persecuted because they were Mormons. In fact the Simon Wiesenthal Center's objection was based on the idea that possibly in the far off future (I believe they said 100 years) someone in the Mormon Church may try to do that. They made it clear though that no one in the LDS has though and they realize that is certainly not the intention of anyone.

Yeah, because the Mormons were not totally listing Holocaust victims as being Mormon in the International Genealogical Index, were they? And they totally do not get caught repeatedly putting the names back there after being called out on it and promising not to do it again, do they?

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I'm not saying any such thing and it appears you are trying to change the subject of what we are talking about. I was addressing your claim that Mormons were claiming Mormons were the victims of the Holocaust instead of Jews and that was the intent. That is total BS.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm

You claimed that the Wiesenthal Center's objections were not over the practice itself. I showed that it very clearly is.

That is not "changing the subject". That is pointing out that you are full of it and basically making stuff up to defend the Mormons on this issue.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 9:15 pm

What I said was the Wiesenthal Center was not claiming any Mormons were trying to claim that Jewish victims of the Holocaust were "Mormon victims". That is what you were to trying to claim the LDS was trying to do by having Holocaust victims 'Baptized after Death'. So yes, you were very much changing the subject.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Were the Mormons caught (repeatedly now) listing Holocaust victims as being Mormon in the International Genealogical Index?

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Except Jews haven't said it is anti-semitic. They objected to the practice but have never said it was 'anti-Jewish' in any way.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 9:26 pm

And lox, and latkes, and gribnis, and chicken liver, and …

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 9:26 pm

The good news is you would already be dead so there isn't much Ted could do to you.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Were they listed as Holocaust victims? NO. Has the LDS ever claimed a list of Mormon Holocaust victims of people that were actually Jewish? NO. Give it up.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Were they listed as Holocaust victims? NO. Has the LDS ever claimed a list of Mormon Holocaust victims of people that were actually Jewish? NO. Give it up.

They were listed as Mormon in the Mormon's International Genealogical Index.

If that was not such a big deal, then they would not repeatedly lie about removing the names and stopping the practice only to get caught doing it again and again (and again).

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Except Jews haven't said it is anti-semitic. They objected to the practice but have never said it was 'anti-Jewish' in any way.

Except that your claim is contradicted by reality.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Uhmmm…no it isn't.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm

At no point did I say it wasn't a 'problem' that they didn't remove all the names when first asked and then BSed about it, so stop trying to claim I did. This entire thread started with someones claim that Mormon "don't like them (Jews) much." This is BS and I am yet to see a shred of evidence provided by you or anyone else to contradict my statement. The Baptism of the Dead is not an anti-semitic practice and no Jewish Organization has ever claimed it to be. You then claimed that Mormons were trying to co-opt the Holocaust from Jews. This is also BS and again no Jewish organization has claimed they have. End of story.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Yes, actually it is, even if I muffed the link there:
http://www.jewishgen.org/infofiles/ldsagree.html

But feel free to keep making up nonsense to defend this stupidity.

cbbruuno June 11, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Yeah, I can only assume you didn't actually read it because it says exactly what I said the objection was. At no point is there a charge of anti-Semitism and at no point does it say that any Mormons are claiming that Mormons were persecuted during the Holocaust but that they fear that down the road (100 years, just as I said) the historical record may get muddled. Seriously, gives it up because now you are just posting evidence for my side of the argument.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 10:04 pm

You are not only avoiding answering my simply yes or no question to try to change the subject, but outright lying by claiming no Jewish organization has criticized the practice as anti-Semitic as unless the Wiesenthal Center somehow does not "count" in order to defend this nonsense.

The entire point of the Wiesenthal Center meeting with the LDS leadership was because of how offensive this practice is to Jews, end of story.

glamourdammerung June 11, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Yeah, I can only assume you didn't actually read it because it says exactly what I said the objection was.

From the link:
The bad news is that the Mormons continue to hijack Jewish genocide victims and other Jewish dead. Moreover, when a Jew is baptized, the door is open for all of his deceased ancestors to be baptized as well. Regrettably, their baptismal records place before the public a revisionist view that these deceased Jews were Mormons, a position they would have rejected in life.

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Just out of curiosity, why are you so invested in this?

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I believe you have struck the heart of the argument. Posthumous baptism is anti-whatever because it is based on the notion that the whatever belief is of no value compared to Mormonism.

I don't care if the LDS think they're doing a favor to the dead, what they are really doing is insulting every other religion.

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Fuckin' right.

starfanglednut June 11, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Omg, latkes…

*drools (Homer Simpson style)

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Gribenes-meh. But the onions that were cooked in the chicken fat as it was being rendered-yum. And mind you, that's just *Ashkenazi* Jewish cooking. There's also Carciolfi Alla Giudea from the Rome Ghetto, for example, and lots of other good stuff from all over.

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 3:01 am

Matzo ball soup, latkes, stuffed cabbage & rugelach or GTFO.

bobbert June 11, 2012 at 10:52 pm

When I was in college, that was probably my favorite S&G song.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I read a book about Mormonism when I was ten. I remember being so disgusted with it, I handed it back to my mother. I couldn't read it because it was simply not believable, illogical, incomprehensible.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Yeah. That too.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I've been very fortunate to know some great Jewish cooks, and to eat the food of Mediterranean, Spanish, South American, and Yemeni Jews. It's all good, my friend. A great nation lives in its cuisine.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 8:44 am

Paul Simon probably hates Yes for that gut-rehab of "America" more than he hates Art Garfunkel, lol. (Maybe not though, you could make a case for him as an "art-rocker".) I think it's one of their finest moments, before "prog" went way off the rails.

MittBorg June 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Hamentashen.

Chet Kincaid June 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Well, I kind of shot my whole wad on that in a burst of hilarity back in 2007. But maybe I'll return to it someday….Actually, I have another piece of extended jazz humor that's not photo-based, but fits the theme, which I will add sometime soon.

scvirginia June 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

You had me at hamentaschen…

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