WHAT HAPPENED TO TEENY?Al Gore, besides inventing the Internet and lying constantly about that thing he said that was 100 percent correct, is also responsible for other terrible crimes against humanity. Do you know what they are? They are taking facts, like that the sea levels are rising, and making them terrible words only liberals use. Yes, the state of Virginia, in studying what to do about rising sea levels, has taken the words “sea level rise” out of its report on rising sea levels, because “sea level rise” is “left-wing.” Oh sweet Virginia. What would we here at Wonket HQ do without you and your bastard idjit brothers, like North Carolina, which already sort of did pretty much the same thing?

Bring it, HamptonRoads:

State Del. Chris Stolle, R-Virginia Beach, who insisted on changing the “sea level rise” study in the General Assembly to one on “recurrent flooding,” said he wants to get political speech out of the mix altogether.

He said “sea level rise” is a “left-wing term” that conjures up animosities on the right. So why bring it into the equation?

“What people care about is the floodwater coming through their door,” Stolle said. “Let’s focus on that. Let’s study that. So that’s what I wanted us to call it.”

All right, dude. We will rename “sea level rise” as “CONSTANT FUCKING FLOODING” because that does not hurt your tender sensibilities by BEING THE EXACT SAME THING and ALSO BEING FROM CLIMATE CHANGE. Luntz it up, man. Frame away.

[HamptonRoads, via ThinkProgress]

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  • BaldarTFlagass

    Why do they hate the tides?

    • Generation[redacted]

      You can't explain it!

    • They hate fucken' EVERYthing, man. Except Jeebus.

      Well, no, they hate REALJeebus, too. It's their own version of Jeebus they don't hate.

    • MadBrahms

      They go in, they go out, all without Jesus' blessing.

    • Guppy

      Didn't they lift all boats, like Jesus said?

    • Ironically, that's the name of the local Triple-A baseball team.

    • Callyson

      Because Alabama constantly wins the BCS.

    • Stevola

      Was there a mis-communication?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    This reminds me of a New Twilight Zone where language begins to change over the course of one week in the main characters life.


    • doloras


  • veritass

    Ok, fine. We'll trade you "recurring flooding" for "sea level rise" as long as we get "bigoted fairytale bullshit stories made up by confused desert goat farmers that cause people to disbelieve science even when their houses are underwater, as predicted by science" for "religion."


    • WunkRocker

      that veritass!

    • Callyson

      Also, "religious fanatics and free – ride – seeking Wall Streeters" for "Republicans."

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      fucking major WIN!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    While we're at it I'm officially declaring herpes, dwi and 30 days past due left wing terms as well. LALALALAL I CAN'T HEAR U LIBTARD

    • We need to start calling bill collectors in Virginia and just screaming, cold out screaming that at them.

      Why the fuck not? It's no LESS insane than what THESE fuckwits are proposing!

  • mavenmaven

    …and make sure there's no reference in the study to science, math, or for that matter, women…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Tides go out, tides inundate low-lying seaside communities and obliterate protective barrier islands. You can't explain it.

    • WunkRocker


    • *THEY* can't. I'm not having a problem, here.

    • That's why tide tables are produced by using crystal balls and ouija boards.

    • Gleem McShineys

      They don't mean you can not explain it. They mean

  • Nostrildamus

    I was going the use that horrible, partisan word "Republican", but I'll just say "clueless douche-nozzle" instead.

  • kissawookiee

    If it was good enough for Noah, it's good enough for me.

    • An_Outhouse

      Its IN THE BIBLE!!!

    • mrpuma2u

      Stoopid liberul critter luvin tree hugger Noah! That ark dint have no twin inboards, so he wuz a soshuliss.

      • MosesInvests

        Noah, as played by Sean Connery:
        "Shee, I've got a shpeedboat on the Shea of Galilee…." (h/t to Eddie Izzard)

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Virginia Beach: Like most mortgages, it will soon to be the Port of Chesapeake or "New Atlantis."

  • Not_So_Much

    All "science" is a vast left-wing plot. You can't argue that — it's science.

    • Are you sure? I thought it was in the bible somewhere next to "God helps those who help themselves" and all the bad stuff Jeebus said about the gays.

  • PhilippePetain

    Recurrent flooding goes in, recurrent flooding goes out. Howditgetthere?

    • succalina

      magnets. how do they work?

  • niblick77

    I vote for Land Lowering (LL) because it looks like the land is getting lower, not that the sea is rising…………..

    • TootsStansbury

      This is an actual talking point. No shit.

      • bobbert

        Actually, it's even actual science — there is some subsidence happening, which of course makes the flooding even worse.

    • Reminds me of "previously owned" cars.

  • The tide is high but I'm holding on
    I'm saying science is a lefty one
    I'm not the kinda Repug who gives up just like that, oh no
    It's not just the way you say, that tease and hurt me bad
    But it's the facts you tell to me, you do to me
    I'm not the kinda Repug who gives up just like that, oh no
    The tide is high but I'm holding on
    I'm saying science is a lefty one
    Lefty one, Lefty one

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Whereas "Head so far up your ass you can't see daylight" is a right-wing term. But they obviously like the view from up there.

  • sharethegrief

    I'm waiting for Arizona to follow suit, because.

    • poorgradstudent

      Here's a bet: does Jan Brewer even realize Arizona is landlocked?

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        She blames government regulations for that.

      • the_problem_child

        Maybe not for long?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I don't think she does because she thinks there's a flood of Mexicans coming into the state.

    • Guppy

      If Arizona had water, they'd be annexed by California by now.

  • StarsUponThars

    You say potato, I say are you kidding me with this shit.

    • emmelemm


  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Maybe the land is just sinking. Ever think of that you know-it-all libruls?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Maybe the mole people have just hollowed out all the ground.

      • Sometimes, I worry about you, sweetie. Like, about what you dream, and stuff.

      • TribecaMike

        Reading about Hollow Earth cranks is a lot of fun, but even better are those who were sure we live inside the hollow earth and just don't know it.

  • Goonemeritus

    "He said “sea level rise” is a “left-wing term” that conjures up animosities on the right."

    If we go by this standard all fact based discussion will be eliminated and pressing issues will be decided by dog fight.

    • It's the old, "You bedder not talk about dat. Dat upsets Benny" school of discussion.

      Just like in the old days when you lived with the extended family and nobody could talk about the price of food because Crazy Uncle would flip out and start talking about drinking roasted chicory root during the war, and dead babies lying on the sidewalk.

      • MosesInvests

        "Don't mention the War!"

        • Damn your eyes, you made me think of Fawlty Towers, and I laughed!

          • MosesInvests

            That was the idea, yes.

          • People who make me laugh just end up on my list of friends, yaknow.

  • coolhandnuke

    This is old news in Newport News. They rely on the Pony Express for all their info.

  • edgydrifter

    All references to "gravity" will now be replaced with "angels pushing down on your shoulders so you don't fly off into space."

    • mwittier

      The angels were very strong today. Is why I stayed in bed.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      I think the Republican version of that science would be that there is no such thing as gravity, it is just that the whole world sucks.

  • poorgradstudent

    So to be fair can Bernie Sanders or whoever demand that we change all references to the "War on Terror" to "Blowing Up Browns for the Lolz"?

  • Lucidamente1

    As long as they can perform transvaginal probes underwater, it's all good.

  • fartknocker

    I'm not surprised by this. I glanced at today's Arizona Republic, which has an article about flouridation of water. The wingnut comments are absolutely priceless. General Ripper from Dr. Strangelove would be proud.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Well, teeth do tend to get in the way of a good airport restroom blow job.

      • And … you would know this how? Jus_Wonderin.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          LOL. I regret my failure to use quotes on that line.

          • It's ALL about the LOLs, JW, all about the LOLs. For this troublemaking scamp, anyway.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    And they're going to refer to hurricanes as "significant wind events."

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      "recurrent strong breezes"

    • "Weather sneezes"

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Or, "God farting in your general direction."

      • WunkRocker

        "The Lord being sorry about Florida, but glad most of it is pretty close to Sea Level."
        Stand.Your.Ground. (And hold your breath).

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Wonkette, could you give us a "Caption This" posting???? Wezza haz funz with that.

  • King Canute, 2016!

  • IncenseDebate

    You know what else makes Virginia wet?

    • The Virginia Pipeline?

    • Santa Claus?

      • Blueb4sunrise

        OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • I upfisted you both, so no fighting.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Santa Claus?

    • SayItWithWookies
      • gullywompr
        • Butch_Wagstaff

          That place is a traffic & parking nightmare & has some of ugliest architecture thanks to get-rich-quick development.
          But it's a popular area for shopping because it means that people don't have to come to Richmond (because it has too many of the darker folks) to shop & dine anymore.

    • Foxxes?

    • Chichikovovich

      A room of one's own?

    • valgal2342

      The prep before a trans-vaginal ultrasound?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      A bodice ripper?

    • HarryButtle

      Billy Joel?

    • Isyaignert


  • rickmaci

    I'm going out a limb here but I have a feeling “sea level rise” is some type of end time Biblical thing and State Del. Stool Sample doesn't want to sully scriptural Armageddon with secular sciency things like global warming.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      He'll be a believer in the scriptures till the very end which will be when sea water starts filling up his house.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    I like this game!

    Jared Loughner was recurrently ground-standing.

    Mitt Romney is guilty merely of recurrently making statements which were not intended to be factual.

    Genghis Khan was inclined to bouts of recurrent urban redevelopment.

    • Andrew Breitbart was just stirring up discussion.

      Sarah Palin was just letting someone else take a turn at being governor.

      Frank Luntz is just polishing turds.

      • With his tongue.

        Wut? That IS what he's doing.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          You gotta admit, the guy has linguistic skills. The English word derives ultimately from Latin lingua, "language, tongue"

  • elburritodeluxe

    In fact, can't it be said that by politicizing climate change, Democrats are responsible for sea level change? Just Luntzing it here…

  • metamarcisf

    Got to scrape that shit right off your shoes.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Props for the Exile reference!

  • He's right, you know: I've been sent instructions to drink lots and lots of water, then walk over to Coney Island and piss in the sea

  • Clearly the vexed gentleman from Virginia Beach is suffering from an imbalance of humours. Bleed him with leeches at once!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I believe leeches were once accepted Science. We should just wait for prayer to heal him.

      • We should burn him in a wicker cage, just to be on the safe side.

    • Can't we just say he's hagridden and beat the devils out of him with Loving Heavenly Rods of Instruction and prayer?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Maybe he needs a good trepanning?
      Surgeon: "Hm. I don't see what the problem was. Doesn't look like there was anything in it to begin with."

  • SayItWithWookies

    The dumbass Republican from Virginia Beach should own some damn beachfront property there — ideally in the vanishing community of Sandbridge — until he decides that this constant flooding thing is starting to become a trend.

  • CivicHoliday

    Sorry, Mr. Stolle, but these terms are not interchangeable. If by recurrent flooding you mean starfish living in your kitchen cabinets and sea lions breeding in the den, then sure, but I'm pretty sure occasional seasonal or weather related changes in water level is an entirely different thing than the entire fucking ocean permanently engulfing your beachfront property.

  • hagajim

    Since when is a factual statement about rising sea levels a liberal term…oh yeah, since it uses factual evidence that the GOP hates.

    • It's getting to the point where these yobbos will reject ANYthing science-based/factual SOLELY because it's science-based/factual. We'll be forced to say "Heaven-O" when answering the phone, and … oh, fuck it, I can't go on.

      • sullivanst

        oh, fuck it, I can't go on.

        I'm starting to wonder whether their plan is to flood our brains with so much fucking stupid we all just off ourselves to end the pain.

        • It's working! We all drink and drug to stop the fucking pain, it's just a matter of time before even the drink and drugs just don't DO EET anymore.

    • Guppy

      You know how Republicans are about "making factual statements."

      • Oh yeah. I'd forgotten all about the NITBAFS meme.

        He had it read into the Congressional record AS A MATTER OF FACT before discounting its fact-basedness with that "Not intended to be a factual statement" line of blatheramskate.

        Thanks, Guppy. I might be able to soldier on for a little longer!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      A government of the moneyed, by the moneyed, and for the moneyed.

    • Isyaignert

      Facts have a well-known liberal bias don't cha know?

  • coolhandnuke

    …“What people care about is the floodwater coming through their door,” Stolle said. “Let’s focus on that. Let’s study that"…

    Psst Stolle. A screen door is not an effective means of flood control.

  • prommie

    Every practicing, degree-holding scientist who has published in the field is in complete agreement that the sea-level is rising. This proves that every scientist, every University, every scientific publication, and every research institution is engaged in a massive liberal conspiracy. Their goal: to stifle the mouths of the fucktards and imbeciles, to prevent the pigfuckers and morons from being heard, to trample on the rights of people who are wrong about shit and don't know that they are talking about, to quell the voices of the ignorant, the mistaken, the blinded, the superstitious, and yes, even the liars and the insane. Its the most monstrous consipracy ever in history, this conspiracy by the intelligent and knowledgeable, against the fucking idiot morons.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      We've got them right where we want them!!

      • More like" "We've got them right where they want us!"

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Oh what do they know? I have faith that it isn't happening. Plugging ears now.

    • Chichikovovich

      Its the most monstrous conspiracy ever in history, this conspiracy by the intelligent and knowledgeable, against the fucking idiot morons.

      It's about frickin' time! The Fucking Idiot Morons (FIMs) have been taking the fight to the intelligent and knowledgeable since the burning of the library at Alexandria.

      Wait, that was sarcastic, right? There isn't really such a conspiracy of the intelligent and knowledgeable, is there?
      Damn. Got my hopes up.

      • prommie

        There is too such a conspiracy! Its called "civilization." The fucktards, they are not part of it.

        • sullivanst

          Doesn't appear to be working )-;

          • And YOU, you smash what little hope Prommie gave me flat with a hammer. Dude.

        • Chichikovovich

          True, but a civilization that cannot defend itself against the rule of FIMs has a lot to learn.

        • You give me hope.

    • GeneralLerong

      I love it when you talk like that.

    • bobbert

      This exact argument (well, without acknowledging that the conspired-against (conspiritees?) are fucktards and imbeciles, appears in the comments thread of the linked article.

    • WIDTAP

      " …engaged in a massive liberal conspiracy. Their goal: to stifle the mouths of the fucktards and imbeciles…."

      Known in common English as "teaching".

    • Hey, Jebus did too have his own dinosaur!

  • WhatTheHeck

    When I drop an ice cube into my whisky glass, the ice cube NEVER melts.
    I might be a Virginia idjut. Or I might be drinking my whisky too fast.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else shunned science when it went against his preconceived notions?

    • IncenseDebate

      Moe Howard?

    • Pope Clement VI?

    • The latest script doctors of Focus on the Family Fetus?

    • coolhandnuke

      Laurie Anderson?

    • Jesus? I mean, dude walked on water, and all…

    • UnholyMoses

      Dr. Frankenstein?

    • WunkRocker

      Ronald Reagan?

    • Guppy

      Urban VIII?

    • doloras

      T. D. Lysenko?

    • mwittier

      Joel and the 'bots?

    • Veritas78

      Franz Mesmer?

    • Isyaignert

      George W. Bush?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Speaking of recurrent flooding, it seems that most state legislatures controlled by self-centered Republican twits can think of nothing to do except piss away their time and our money.

  • mormos


  • Jus_Wonderin

    Hey, anyone see my keys anywhere??

    • Trying to get off planet, sweetie?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        You have me figured out. You can have First Class on the maiden voyage of the USS JW2MARS launch. I have good information that there are no Republitards on Mars.

        • sullivanst

          What are you talking about? Dude, it's the RED planet!

          • Jus_Wonderin

            All passengers get fancy indigo colored glasses when you board. We tried to think of everything.

          • sullivanst

            Well, that's at least as effective as renaming rising sea levels, so yeah, that'll obviously work. Bravo!

          • Man, you are so BENT on harshing mah mellow!

        • Wait, I gotta grab a pair shoes and some extra underroos.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Nice try, Florida.

  • franco_pinyon

    According to the Ministry of Truth, once the polar ice caps melt the term will be changed to "permanent flooding."

    • I thought it was "Ministry of Truthiness."

  • Wow. Next up: Right wing decides to eliminate WORDS from vocabulary, claims WORDS have left-wing bias. Communication will henceforth be limited to grunts and face-hitting with rocks. Ungh.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Oh, like on Fox and Friends?

    • Stevola

      Worked so well in the Repub debates

  • GhostBuggy

    You've got to scrape that GOP right off your shoes.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    It's just very humid.

  • sullivanst

    So if sea level rise is not a thing, you'll be perfectly OK with us burying you up to your head about a foot inland from the high tide mark from, say, 1980, won't you, Del. Stolle?

    • We'll have to arrange for a video party. Also, too, those things you bop pinatas with.

      • sullivanst

        See, I'm not Debbie Downer all the time.

        • You know, you're right. When you party, you PARTY. HEARTY!

  • Baconzgood

    Do drowning is over hydration?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Make grammar is what happen too?

      • Baconzgood

        Stupid sausage fingers and small smart phone key board.

    • glamourdammerung

      Intelligent Overwetness.

      Teach the controversy!

  • Chris Stolle….hey, Editrix? Is it against the new posting rule if we call someone a Stolletard?

  • widestanceromance

    Coastal liberty libel!

  • IncenseDebate

    Atlantis libel!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I offer a prayer. May Virginia learn the lessons of Atlantis from the authoritative source, the Atlantic.

  • DeathOfIrony

    Christ has risen 2 inches this decade tho, and that is science you can take to the bank

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Mary Magdalene doin it?

      • doin' it, doin' it
        Just like everyone else
        They be chewin' it
        chewin' it, chewin' it

  • Antispandex

    Why is it that this kind of lunacy usually comes out of the states that seceded? A confederacy of dunces?

    • DeathOfIrony

      I'll say it again, North Carolina is a beautiful place. If you stick to the encampments that have plumbing and electricity and skoools, and away from the really weedy, kudzu-y parts, it's full of progressive, talented people, beautiful girls, bitchin musicians, sandy warm beaches and beautiful mountains. You can venture out to the weedy places for BBQ which is nice, then come back to civilization. Pretty much if T-mobile has 3G or better, you're safe.

      I hate that the morooons have ruined NC's rep. It rocks.

      • TribecaMike

        Over the past year or so, we drove all over the east (above Georgia that is) looking at colleges with my nephew, and I was very impressed by many of the liberal arts colleges we checked out in North Carolina. He ended up picking High Point U., not the school I would've chosen but there is a BBQ joint we just happened to run across by accident out in the boonies nearby that I'm looking forward to checking out again and again.

    • sullivanst

      The Confe-DUH-racy.

    • That is one of the best books ever written.

  • Redhead

    Does it still count as flooding if it never goes away? Or do I need to recycle my comment from earlier today about the kind of reading comprehension/critical analysis skills you develop being homeskooled by a "Jeebus rode on a dinosaur education is for libruls and commies!"-type?

  • savethispatient

    What a Knut!

  • MadBrahms

    First North Carolina, now this! The climate crazy is moving north. Your move, Maryland.

    • TribecaMike

      Compared to N. Carolina, Maryland might as well be Sweden.

  • owhatever

    The gentleman representing the Great Dismal Swamp put forward a simple two-point approach to solve the problem: First, build more statues to Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson and those other losers. Second, pray a lot harder to the real baptist God. And third, stick something up a woman's woogie.

    • Hey, owhatever, you've changed too! Is that John Wayne?

      • owhatever

        <DIV style=”font-family:Arial, sans-serif; font-size:10pt;”>Roy Rogers. Didn't work. Changing back to normal if I can. Bad hair day.— wrote:

        • Honestly? I like Roy so much better. Nancy gives me serious bonerkiller.

  • Warpde

    I don't think so.
    By all accounts anything tards is still fair game.
    As long as you don't substitute Stolle, Lib or according to the last piece Paul with a Re your golden :)
    Hope that clarifies your inquiry.
    I am Warpdetard and I am as tarded as they come.

  • Ducksworthy

    Crap. They're on to us. Sea Level rise was indeed a liberal plot to drown those southerners in low lying areas to dumb to move and too fat to swim (i.e. most of them).

  • glamourdammerung

    In before these idiots start whining to "teach the controversy" about "Intelligent Land Being Pushed Down By God's Hand".

  • barto

    I think "Sporadic 100% humidity events" would be more apt to appease all parties since the scientists are likely to have all committed suicide by then anyhow.

    • Hell, I'm contemplating it and I'm no scientist.

  • ttommyunger

    It's common accepted that the oceans have a well-known Liberal Bias.

  • Was this in the Virginia Idiot-Dispatch, or the Virginia Troglodyte-Picayune? (Two of the states leading insane asylums were merged with the afternoon papers back in the '50s, due to declining circulation.)

  • OT but…
    I swear this is true. There is a cooperative in South Florida the land lease for which will expire in 2059. The property is on the beach. Right on the beach, no roads in between the building and the beach sand, you get the idea. Fifty feet to the water maybe. The lease holders are eager to purchase all of the land, the deeds to which are held by several owners. I told them they are wasting their time and money. I have seen the surveyor's plot drawings and read the elevations. By 2059 the property will most likely be underwater. Not to mention the fact that all of us will be DEAD.


    Buy in the mountains, rent at the beach.

    • emmelemm

      That's not really off-topic, I'd say that's pretty Right-On topic.

      Dumb science-hating idiots are as dumb science-hating idiots do.

  • TribecaMike

    Only if we can put the Holy Mother Church on the Outdex.

  • Me_K_Cong

    If the Republicans ever do come to grips with the fact that the sea level is rising, they will insist that the prudent thing to do is to immediately harvest (bulldoze) both coasts.

  • bobbert

    My favorite (bar) part of the article is the headline, which tells (implicitly) us that "sea level rise" is a "buzzword". Always nice to have some thoughtful analysis from the Fourth Estate.

  • MosesInvests

    New term for Republicans-wingknuts.


    I insist that no documentary on the Titanic use the words "sunk" or "bottom of the sea floor", which upset my delicate sensibilities. Rather, all such documentaries should use the phrase "recurrent leaking" when referencing either the unfortunate encounter with the non-martini ice or the current condition of the Titanic.

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