luntz it up

Virginia Idiot: ‘Sea Level Rise’ Newest Left-Wing Plot

WHAT HAPPENED TO TEENY?Al Gore, besides inventing the Internet and lying constantly about that thing he said that was 100 percent correct, is also responsible for other terrible crimes against humanity. Do you know what they are? They are taking facts, like that the sea levels are rising, and making them terrible words only liberals use. Yes, the state of Virginia, in studying what to do about rising sea levels, has taken the words “sea level rise” out of its report on rising sea levels, because “sea level rise” is “left-wing.” Oh sweet Virginia. What would we here at Wonket HQ do without you and your bastard idjit brothers, like North Carolina, which already sort of did pretty much the same thing?

Bring it, HamptonRoads:

State Del. Chris Stolle, R-Virginia Beach, who insisted on changing the “sea level rise” study in the General Assembly to one on “recurrent flooding,” said he wants to get political speech out of the mix altogether.

He said “sea level rise” is a “left-wing term” that conjures up animosities on the right. So why bring it into the equation?

“What people care about is the floodwater coming through their door,” Stolle said. “Let’s focus on that. Let’s study that. So that’s what I wanted us to call it.”

All right, dude. We will rename “sea level rise” as “CONSTANT FUCKING FLOODING” because that does not hurt your tender sensibilities by BEING THE EXACT SAME THING and ALSO BEING FROM CLIMATE CHANGE. Luntz it up, man. Frame away.

[HamptonRoads, via ThinkProgress]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


    1. MittBorg

      They hate fucken' EVERYthing, man. Except Jeebus.

      Well, no, they hate REALJeebus, too. It's their own version of Jeebus they don't hate.

  1. Jus_Wonderin

    This reminds me of a New Twilight Zone where language begins to change over the course of one week in the main characters life.


  2. veritass

    Ok, fine. We'll trade you "recurring flooding" for "sea level rise" as long as we get "bigoted fairytale bullshit stories made up by confused desert goat farmers that cause people to disbelieve science even when their houses are underwater, as predicted by science" for "religion."


    1. Callyson

      Also, "religious fanatics and free – ride – seeking Wall Streeters" for "Republicans."

  3. Allmighty_Manos

    While we're at it I'm officially declaring herpes, dwi and 30 days past due left wing terms as well. LALALALAL I CAN'T HEAR U LIBTARD

    1. MittBorg

      We need to start calling bill collectors in Virginia and just screaming, cold out screaming that at them.

      Why the fuck not? It's no LESS insane than what THESE fuckwits are proposing!

  4. mavenmaven

    …and make sure there's no reference in the study to science, math, or for that matter, women…

  5. elviouslyqueer

    Tides go out, tides inundate low-lying seaside communities and obliterate protective barrier islands. You can't explain it.

    1. Gleem McShineys

      They don't mean you can not explain it. They mean

  6. Nostrildamus

    I was going the use that horrible, partisan word "Republican", but I'll just say "clueless douche-nozzle" instead.

    1. mrpuma2u

      Stoopid liberul critter luvin tree hugger Noah! That ark dint have no twin inboards, so he wuz a soshuliss.

      1. MosesInvests

        Noah, as played by Sean Connery:
        "Shee, I've got a shpeedboat on the Shea of Galilee…." (h/t to Eddie Izzard)

  7. EatsBabyDingos

    Virginia Beach: Like most mortgages, it will soon to be the Port of Chesapeake or "New Atlantis."

    1. MarionNYNY

      Are you sure? I thought it was in the bible somewhere next to "God helps those who help themselves" and all the bad stuff Jeebus said about the gays.

  8. niblick77

    I vote for Land Lowering (LL) because it looks like the land is getting lower, not that the sea is rising…………..

      1. bobbert

        Actually, it's even actual science — there is some subsidence happening, which of course makes the flooding even worse.

  9. ManchuCandidate

    The tide is high but I'm holding on
    I'm saying science is a lefty one
    I'm not the kinda Repug who gives up just like that, oh no
    It's not just the way you say, that tease and hurt me bad
    But it's the facts you tell to me, you do to me
    I'm not the kinda Repug who gives up just like that, oh no
    The tide is high but I'm holding on
    I'm saying science is a lefty one
    Lefty one, Lefty one

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Whereas "Head so far up your ass you can't see daylight" is a right-wing term. But they obviously like the view from up there.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        I don't think she does because she thinks there's a flood of Mexicans coming into the state.

  11. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Maybe the land is just sinking. Ever think of that you know-it-all libruls?

      1. TribecaMike

        Reading about Hollow Earth cranks is a lot of fun, but even better are those who were sure we live inside the hollow earth and just don't know it.

  12. Goonemeritus

    "He said “sea level rise” is a “left-wing term” that conjures up animosities on the right."

    If we go by this standard all fact based discussion will be eliminated and pressing issues will be decided by dog fight.

    1. MittBorg

      It's the old, "You bedder not talk about dat. Dat upsets Benny" school of discussion.

      Just like in the old days when you lived with the extended family and nobody could talk about the price of food because Crazy Uncle would flip out and start talking about drinking roasted chicory root during the war, and dead babies lying on the sidewalk.

  13. coolhandnuke

    This is old news in Newport News. They rely on the Pony Express for all their info.

  14. edgydrifter

    All references to "gravity" will now be replaced with "angels pushing down on your shoulders so you don't fly off into space."

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      I think the Republican version of that science would be that there is no such thing as gravity, it is just that the whole world sucks.

  15. poorgradstudent

    So to be fair can Bernie Sanders or whoever demand that we change all references to the "War on Terror" to "Blowing Up Browns for the Lolz"?

  16. fartknocker

    I'm not surprised by this. I glanced at today's Arizona Republic, which has an article about flouridation of water. The wingnut comments are absolutely priceless. General Ripper from Dr. Strangelove would be proud.

      1. WunkRocker

        "The Lord being sorry about Florida, but glad most of it is pretty close to Sea Level."
        Stand.Your.Ground. (And hold your breath).

  17. Jus_Wonderin

    Wonkette, could you give us a "Caption This" posting???? Wezza haz funz with that.

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          That place is a traffic & parking nightmare & has some of ugliest architecture thanks to get-rich-quick development.
          But it's a popular area for shopping because it means that people don't have to come to Richmond (because it has too many of the darker folks) to shop & dine anymore.

  18. rickmaci

    I'm going out a limb here but I have a feeling “sea level rise” is some type of end time Biblical thing and State Del. Stool Sample doesn't want to sully scriptural Armageddon with secular sciency things like global warming.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      He'll be a believer in the scriptures till the very end which will be when sea water starts filling up his house.

  19. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    I like this game!

    Jared Loughner was recurrently ground-standing.

    Mitt Romney is guilty merely of recurrently making statements which were not intended to be factual.

    Genghis Khan was inclined to bouts of recurrent urban redevelopment.

    1. Spurning Beer

      Andrew Breitbart was just stirring up discussion.

      Sarah Palin was just letting someone else take a turn at being governor.

      Frank Luntz is just polishing turds.

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          You gotta admit, the guy has linguistic skills. The English word derives ultimately from Latin lingua, "language, tongue"

  20. elburritodeluxe

    In fact, can't it be said that by politicizing climate change, Democrats are responsible for sea level change? Just Luntzing it here…

  21. actor212

    He's right, you know: I've been sent instructions to drink lots and lots of water, then walk over to Coney Island and piss in the sea

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I believe leeches were once accepted Science. We should just wait for prayer to heal him.

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      Maybe he needs a good trepanning?
      Surgeon: "Hm. I don't see what the problem was. Doesn't look like there was anything in it to begin with."

  22. SayItWithWookies

    The dumbass Republican from Virginia Beach should own some damn beachfront property there — ideally in the vanishing community of Sandbridge — until he decides that this constant flooding thing is starting to become a trend.

  23. CivicHoliday

    Sorry, Mr. Stolle, but these terms are not interchangeable. If by recurrent flooding you mean starfish living in your kitchen cabinets and sea lions breeding in the den, then sure, but I'm pretty sure occasional seasonal or weather related changes in water level is an entirely different thing than the entire fucking ocean permanently engulfing your beachfront property.

  24. hagajim

    Since when is a factual statement about rising sea levels a liberal term…oh yeah, since it uses factual evidence that the GOP hates.

    1. MittBorg

      It's getting to the point where these yobbos will reject ANYthing science-based/factual SOLELY because it's science-based/factual. We'll be forced to say "Heaven-O" when answering the phone, and … oh, fuck it, I can't go on.

      1. sullivanst

        oh, fuck it, I can't go on.

        I'm starting to wonder whether their plan is to flood our brains with so much fucking stupid we all just off ourselves to end the pain.

        1. MittBorg

          It's working! We all drink and drug to stop the fucking pain, it's just a matter of time before even the drink and drugs just don't DO EET anymore.

      1. MittBorg

        Oh yeah. I'd forgotten all about the NITBAFS meme.

        He had it read into the Congressional record AS A MATTER OF FACT before discounting its fact-basedness with that "Not intended to be a factual statement" line of blatheramskate.

        Thanks, Guppy. I might be able to soldier on for a little longer!

  25. coolhandnuke

    …“What people care about is the floodwater coming through their door,” Stolle said. “Let’s focus on that. Let’s study that"…

    Psst Stolle. A screen door is not an effective means of flood control.

  26. prommie

    Every practicing, degree-holding scientist who has published in the field is in complete agreement that the sea-level is rising. This proves that every scientist, every University, every scientific publication, and every research institution is engaged in a massive liberal conspiracy. Their goal: to stifle the mouths of the fucktards and imbeciles, to prevent the pigfuckers and morons from being heard, to trample on the rights of people who are wrong about shit and don't know that they are talking about, to quell the voices of the ignorant, the mistaken, the blinded, the superstitious, and yes, even the liars and the insane. Its the most monstrous consipracy ever in history, this conspiracy by the intelligent and knowledgeable, against the fucking idiot morons.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Oh what do they know? I have faith that it isn't happening. Plugging ears now.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Its the most monstrous conspiracy ever in history, this conspiracy by the intelligent and knowledgeable, against the fucking idiot morons.

      It's about frickin' time! The Fucking Idiot Morons (FIMs) have been taking the fight to the intelligent and knowledgeable since the burning of the library at Alexandria.

      Wait, that was sarcastic, right? There isn't really such a conspiracy of the intelligent and knowledgeable, is there?
      Damn. Got my hopes up.

      1. prommie

        There is too such a conspiracy! Its called "civilization." The fucktards, they are not part of it.

        1. Chichikovovich

          True, but a civilization that cannot defend itself against the rule of FIMs has a lot to learn.

    3. bobbert

      This exact argument (well, without acknowledging that the conspired-against (conspiritees?) are fucktards and imbeciles, appears in the comments thread of the linked article.

    4. WIDTAP

      " …engaged in a massive liberal conspiracy. Their goal: to stifle the mouths of the fucktards and imbeciles…."

      Known in common English as "teaching".

  27. WhatTheHeck

    When I drop an ice cube into my whisky glass, the ice cube NEVER melts.
    I might be a Virginia idjut. Or I might be drinking my whisky too fast.

  28. BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else shunned science when it went against his preconceived notions?

  29. randcoolcatdaddy

    Speaking of recurrent flooding, it seems that most state legislatures controlled by self-centered Republican twits can think of nothing to do except piss away their time and our money.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        You have me figured out. You can have First Class on the maiden voyage of the USS JW2MARS launch. I have good information that there are no Republitards on Mars.

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            All passengers get fancy indigo colored glasses when you board. We tried to think of everything.

          2. sullivanst

            Well, that's at least as effective as renaming rising sea levels, so yeah, that'll obviously work. Bravo!

  30. franco_pinyon

    According to the Ministry of Truth, once the polar ice caps melt the term will be changed to "permanent flooding."

  31. MittBorg

    Wow. Next up: Right wing decides to eliminate WORDS from vocabulary, claims WORDS have left-wing bias. Communication will henceforth be limited to grunts and face-hitting with rocks. Ungh.

  32. sullivanst

    So if sea level rise is not a thing, you'll be perfectly OK with us burying you up to your head about a foot inland from the high tide mark from, say, 1980, won't you, Del. Stolle?

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      I offer a prayer. May Virginia learn the lessons of Atlantis from the authoritative source, the Atlantic.

  33. DeathOfIrony

    Christ has risen 2 inches this decade tho, and that is science you can take to the bank

  34. Antispandex

    Why is it that this kind of lunacy usually comes out of the states that seceded? A confederacy of dunces?

    1. DeathOfIrony

      I'll say it again, North Carolina is a beautiful place. If you stick to the encampments that have plumbing and electricity and skoools, and away from the really weedy, kudzu-y parts, it's full of progressive, talented people, beautiful girls, bitchin musicians, sandy warm beaches and beautiful mountains. You can venture out to the weedy places for BBQ which is nice, then come back to civilization. Pretty much if T-mobile has 3G or better, you're safe.

      I hate that the morooons have ruined NC's rep. It rocks.

      1. TribecaMike

        Over the past year or so, we drove all over the east (above Georgia that is) looking at colleges with my nephew, and I was very impressed by many of the liberal arts colleges we checked out in North Carolina. He ended up picking High Point U., not the school I would've chosen but there is a BBQ joint we just happened to run across by accident out in the boonies nearby that I'm looking forward to checking out again and again.

  35. Redhead

    Does it still count as flooding if it never goes away? Or do I need to recycle my comment from earlier today about the kind of reading comprehension/critical analysis skills you develop being homeskooled by a "Jeebus rode on a dinosaur education is for libruls and commies!"-type?

  36. MadBrahms

    First North Carolina, now this! The climate crazy is moving north. Your move, Maryland.

  37. owhatever

    The gentleman representing the Great Dismal Swamp put forward a simple two-point approach to solve the problem: First, build more statues to Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson and those other losers. Second, pray a lot harder to the real baptist God. And third, stick something up a woman's woogie.

  38. Warpde

    I don't think so.
    By all accounts anything tards is still fair game.
    As long as you don't substitute Stolle, Lib or according to the last piece Paul with a Re your golden :)
    Hope that clarifies your inquiry.
    I am Warpdetard and I am as tarded as they come.

  39. Ducksworthy

    Crap. They're on to us. Sea Level rise was indeed a liberal plot to drown those southerners in low lying areas to dumb to move and too fat to swim (i.e. most of them).

  40. glamourdammerung

    In before these idiots start whining to "teach the controversy" about "Intelligent Land Being Pushed Down By God's Hand".

  41. barto

    I think "Sporadic 100% humidity events" would be more apt to appease all parties since the scientists are likely to have all committed suicide by then anyhow.

  42. Chet Kincaid

    Was this in the Virginia Idiot-Dispatch, or the Virginia Troglodyte-Picayune? (Two of the states leading insane asylums were merged with the afternoon papers back in the '50s, due to declining circulation.)

  43. BelleSC

    OT but…
    I swear this is true. There is a cooperative in South Florida the land lease for which will expire in 2059. The property is on the beach. Right on the beach, no roads in between the building and the beach sand, you get the idea. Fifty feet to the water maybe. The lease holders are eager to purchase all of the land, the deeds to which are held by several owners. I told them they are wasting their time and money. I have seen the surveyor's plot drawings and read the elevations. By 2059 the property will most likely be underwater. Not to mention the fact that all of us will be DEAD.


    Buy in the mountains, rent at the beach.

    1. emmelemm

      That's not really off-topic, I'd say that's pretty Right-On topic.

      Dumb science-hating idiots are as dumb science-hating idiots do.

  44. Me_K_Cong

    If the Republicans ever do come to grips with the fact that the sea level is rising, they will insist that the prudent thing to do is to immediately harvest (bulldoze) both coasts.

  45. bobbert

    My favorite (bar) part of the article is the headline, which tells (implicitly) us that "sea level rise" is a "buzzword". Always nice to have some thoughtful analysis from the Fourth Estate.

  46. WIDTAP

    I insist that no documentary on the Titanic use the words "sunk" or "bottom of the sea floor", which upset my delicate sensibilities. Rather, all such documentaries should use the phrase "recurrent leaking" when referencing either the unfortunate encounter with the non-martini ice or the current condition of the Titanic.

Comments are closed.