Journalism Today: Your Wonket steals from Politico’s aggregating of the Washington Post’s new excerpt of that David Maraniss book, and what buzzworthy and important topic has us all opining and stealing? Oh, just this WORLD-SHAKING INFORMATION we are about to lay down on you, about how Barack Obama is not that good at basketball!
Not just today, when he is 50 or 51 years old or something, but when he was a teen! He was not even that good at basketball then! And HE CAN’T DUNK.
Your Editrix will be on her fainting couch with her salts and a good slug of late-morning gin to recover from the terrible shock brought on by President Afri-cant‘s upcoming impeachment, for not being that good at basketball. [Politico]
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' The Fuck you say?
Well, he is half white.
So is Blake Griffin, so that's not it. Clearly, Obama has no hops because he is morally weak.
Well, or Blake Griffin is eleven feet tall.
Barry only does 3/5th of a jump.
Now watch this drive.
Glad to see Politico continues to WIN THE MORNING!
And he can't pee his name in the snow because he doesn't know Arabic.
Next you'll tell me he doesn't have a big dick. I hate you.
Actually that is why he can't jump. Gravity/mass, and the like.
In my dreams. Really, it's in my dreams.
My goodness. Is THIS all they got? "Barry O'Bomber????"
WTF.
So they are saying he jumps like a white guy. Wait until they see Mitt Romney jumping like a girl.
A LITTLE girl.
He was no barracuda, apparently.
Ahem.
That's marvelous! Is there a higher resolution version available, per chance?
Sadly, such technical capabilities eluded us in that long ago year of 2008.
Beaut.
He should not give up his day job…..singing to the ladies. One more Al Green tune and the the oceans will rise, the sun will shine, and the womenz will swoon. What? He can't dunk? oh my…..
What about a natural sense of rhythm? Does he have that? Does he feel pain like the rest of us? Large penis? If he doesn't fit all these stereotypes, it's time to impeach.
Can't swim, heavy bones. A-feared of dogs and sperrits, too.
You forgot the extra bone we have in our feet. The old voodoo lady we all know trained us on how to hide it from the white man's x-rays.
He can't jump, he can't dunk. But he killed Bin Laden. Take that bitches!
But as a Socialist he can spread the rock.
Yeah, but the guy can hit the important shots from bases in Afghanistan.
Chris Christie can dunk. Why, I've seen him dunk a hundred count of Krispy Kreme's before breakfast. He is the Frowned Mound of 400 Pounds.
This non-jumping 'issue' has GOT to be good news for Chris Christie.
Ppffftttt … yeah, right Politico. And Mitt Romney can't do the robot.
Ann Romney is the one that will "do" the robot.
and the spin cycle on her washing machine does her.
And I hear she has a tooth that juts into the center of her mouth. That is why the Secret Service has her handle as "Organ Grinder."
Strangely enough, Romney's software does not include Dance Revolution.
Despite the majestic lore of her high school basketball days and her clumsy political metaphors, Sarah Palin doesn't say she'd beat Barack on the court, but in a foot race. . .she'd beat a Kenyan?
"I betcha I'd have more endurance."
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/deadlineusa/2009/…
Doesn't endurance mean NOT QUITTING?
That's not what Glen Rice says.
Well, golly, I guess this just blows my carefully-constructed illusions all to hell. I'm going to go torture some whales.
In his defense, you can't jump high with a joint in your hand.
That's funny, as that's the only way I can jump. High, that is. Not spatially speaking, but …
Aw, fuck it.
But your hang time seems a lot longer.
How can it be that he plays basketball like a white guy and bowls like a black guy? I can only assume it because he is awesome in other ways.
When you're president, you have people who do that stuff for you.
Have they somehow not seen that clip of him sinking a 3 pointer, nothing but net? The real issue here is that he sucks at bowling.
Wait… does this mean he isn't growing watermelons on the White House lawn? I can't tell if I'm supposed to hate him because he fits the stereotype or because he doesn't.
He planted watermelons right next to the arugula lettuce which makes him a stereotypical black male who is out of touch with real, working class Americans.
Because *real* Americans — and also *working-class* Americans — are never, ever BLACK.
As long as you hate him for some reason, they've done their job and are happy.
OK, here's the deal, see? Are you white? Yes? Then you should hate him because he's half-BLACK.
Are you black? Yes? Then you should hate him because he's half-WHITE.
The take-away lesson from this is, everybody must hate HUSSEIN.
And all this half-this, half-that is absurd when it comes to African-Americans, anyway.
No shit. When you have "black" people who have lighter skins, hair, and eyes than many "white" people (leave aside the issue of the fact that most "black" Americans have PLENTY of "white" in them, or the whole Out of Africa theory).
Ah, but you see, Barack Obama is half AFRICAN. It makes the nutbags mad.
I smell a sitcom…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_shxzlTRK44
That basketball … was like a BASKETBALL to me!
Damn — next we'll find out he got someone else to photoshop his birth certificate instead of doing it himself.
It is simply the wingnuts seeing the positioning of the Other that is causing them to have this knee-jerk reaction.
Politico: Breaking down racial stereotypes one idiotic, pointless, absurd, and mendacious story at a time …
Barry vs. Mittbot 1-on-1 for POTUS!!!!!
I like those odds.
We gotta spot Mitt like 35 electoral votes, tho.
Unfortunately, Scalia and Thomas would be reffing.
Can we bitch slap David Maraniss for wasting our time with such pablum?
Yeah, but who's going to post up on the POTUS and throw a hard elbow?
Karl Malone, Bill Laimbeer, and Kevin McHale all probably would have.
You are right, Laimbeer should be under Gitmo!!
I couldn't dunk when I was a teen either.
Oh, wait, I could!
Now all I can dunk is a donut. I hate being old.
Yeah, me too. Now I just think about dunking a basketball and my back hurts.
He also can't dance.
Strategery. If he had given them any more than that, his white male support would have plummeted to zero.
THERE'S NO JUMPING IN BASEBALL IDIOTS!!!
Whatever.
Hey Politico, get it right! The memes go: Obama is frighteningly "urban" and "Obama spends all of his time on vacation". Politico usually sticks to the GOPs playbook better than this.
Kenyans are runners, not jumpers…. How is this news to anyone? Have you not been listening to Orly?
Really? You've never heard of these guys?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AidkPPF49xc
I was not aware that Orly broke the news that he had a Kenyan father, also. Or are you saying you have to actually be born in Kenya to get the running/jumping upgrade? That is a breakthrough in pseudo-science!
Masaai warrior jumping dance libel!
Now Cheney… he was a balla!
He ought to take up Nascar watching. No jumping required. All you need to do id down a 12-pack of Bud light in a couple of hours. Now that’s a real man’s sport.
Look at that air in the photo above and say that………
Man, look at the fat white guy in front of him, matching him in air time. The brother can't jump!
Gravity sucks!
What picture are you looking at?!
Ha, ha?
Look at the friend, my friend.
♫ He's Jumpin B'rack Flash
It's a gas gas gas! ♫
With that squad of white fatties, he should sky every time. Michelle oughta bring them boys some celery and Fen-Phen.
Now I'm confused about his blah-ness?
Judging from the pic I would say that he also only plays against the whitest men possible, to make himself look better.
Well, crap. This means I have to vote for Willard.
Barack Obama needs to do the right thing here, admit his inadequacies and immediately resign from office in disgrace.
Why are his pants around his waist, anyway? Every good blah baller I've seen on the courts lately has them butt-jeans on and a pair of checkboard boxers.
Because he wears Mom jeans, duh. Politico broke that story right around 2008-2009, man, where were you?
Six degrees of Kevin Bacon yo!
Woody Harrelson in White Men Can't Jump
Zombieland, Wag the Dog, Natural Born Killers
Woody playing Steve Schmidt in Game Change
Kevin Bacon and Woody in She's Having a Baby
Come on, there is so much allegory here.
Mom Jeans restrict vertical movement.
NOBAMA could jump better if he had some looser shoes.
Or a warm place to shit…
Thank you. Who would allow a perfectly good Earl Butz joke to go to waste? He no playa the game, he no maka the rules.
It's Halfrican't to YOU, Editrix.
He looks bad at it until you see Mittens try it. Just like everything else.
Well, at least now we know why he follows Keynesian economics. Thanks Poltiico.
In Barrack's defense, it's hard to carve out time for basketball practice when you're pursuing a law degree, having a family and two kids you love, and plotting the dismantling of the Constitution and replacing it with communism. The guy's been busy, you know.
He can't sing, either. Or President.
Charles Oakley couldn't jump either and he was pretty good at basketbawwwwwwwwww
Charles Oakley was pretty good at putting a forearm in the chops of anybody who looked at young Michael Jordan funny, if you want to call that "basketball".
Prolly all that rope he's haulin'.
Whether he can jump or not, it looks like he did put on a pair of comfortable shoes after all (a few days too late).
Donovan Slack probably needs to be made an internet example of.
But we know he can tap dance, re: Trump/birth certificate…
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